It's Time Again... Dear ________:

[stefania4]

Dear World Who Cares About Who Anna Nicole Smith Slept With -

I don't even watch television and I'm sick and tired of hearing about this. More importantly, DH AND I LEAVE FOR THE BAHAMAS TOMORROW and we had absolutely no way of knowing about this debacle when we planned our trip. We want a relaxing vacation. If you try to take the cab I've pulled over, I will kick you. Hard. I'm 37 years old and this is the first time in my life I've ever flown somewhere just for a vacation, and I will not be denied!

Consider yourself warned.
***********************

Dear Smarmy-Butt Eckerd's Cashier -

Camera film is not hopelessly retro. Some of us spent a lot of money on SLR bodies and lenses and, by God, we're going to use them. Don't look at me like I must have a serious 8-track collection when I buy 2 rolls of 35mm film.

***********************

Dear Manager -

Thank you, thank you, thank you for re-configuring my job description. It is as perfect a job as I can imagine, and I will genuinely miss you when you resign.

***********************

Dear Body -

You're well-fed (yes, too well-fed) and well cared for. Why all the colds? Why the hacking cough? Why am I cursed with sinuses that just barely do their job? Why? Why???

**********************

Dear Mom & Dad -

FYI, we no longer have a "new" house. DH and I have been here nearly 3 years. Just because you've never bothered to see it doesn't mean it's new. Georgia is a 2-hour flight, not the other side of the moon.

**********************

Dear FIL -

It was lovely to see you this past weekend. I know we've had some issues in the past with your wife, but we really did have a nice time and we're glad that she liked her gift so much.

[SueK]

I don't have any vents right now, just wanted to wish you well on your Bahamas trip. Hopefully you will not get trampled by the media at the airport! Enjoy the sunshine and relax!

[muriel3002]

Dear Co-worker in the next cube:

Next time you are sick, hacking up a lung, and have a meeting that is SO IMPORTANT you had to come to work - stay home instead! You look ill, your complex is pasty and white and you can hardly talk. I doubt it was that important that you HAD to be here!

[jellyben]

Dear Men who ripped my roof off and then covered the big hole with a tarp exposing us to freezing cold temperatures and a sky high electric bill,

Where are you? When are you coming back? I miss you.


Dear Chocolate Martini,

I am too old for you so I next time you see me at a party just stay away! I am a mother of 3 and way too old for a hangover!

[Snickers]

Dear Mortgage Company:

Please hurry up and send me my payoff slip, so I can send you one more payment instead of two, and be a true "Homeowner". Thank you.:D

[Canice]

Dear Toll-Takers on the GG Bridge:

For those of you who can't muster a single word, much less a "thank you" or a smile - sheesh, what grouches! I smile and say "thank you" - thank you! for taking my $5! - some acknowledgement wouldn't kill you.
For those of you who are cheery and pleasant and give a smile, THANK YOU! It's really nice to come home from work with a pleasant exchange. When I say "You have a good evening," I really mean it. I hope you have a very pleasant evening indeed.

Congrats, Snickers! How exciting!
Too funny, Karen.
Have a fantastic time, Stephanie! Hope the gawkers give you a wide swath.

[Natasha]

Dear People on the Bus:

You rock!!

We had a snowstorm this afternoon, which meant I took the bus home. It also meant that my ride from the office to my town (granted, it's not very close, but normally the drive, whether by car or bus, takes a FRACTION of that time) took FOUR hours. Four. When I walked to the bus stop, I heard quite a few horns and it looked like drivers were generally impatient and snarly.

Got on the bus, which was already 1/2 hour late, and while it was full to the rafters, with people standing, everyone was friendly. We went through the ride without anyone getting outwardly snarky, or impatient, or anything. We smiled and joked a lot, kind of shrugged about the situation since there was nothing we could do about it, and started up conversations with those around us (my seatmate was a very nice woman). Also, those who were standing were offered seats so we could rotate sitting and standing, and the driver kept his cool throughout and drove skilfully. I left the bus still smiling.

Edited to add: Stephanie, have a fabulous vacation!!

Natasha

[CompassRose]

Dear friend who (probably) lied to me,
That was an unworthy fib, and I am unreasonably pissy with you. Stomach flu? What am I, a calculus exam you're trying to avoid? You may not have lied, true. But given that your email slipped into my inbox at the very moment I was leaving a message on your phone, and you answered my return email, and I know you pounce on the phone like a rabid ferret whenever it rings... I kinda think you did. The fact that you haven't returned my message makes me kinda think you feel guilty about it too. Either that, or you really do have Norwalk, and you were in the bathroom the whole time. With your computer.

You should call me, soon, because the longer you avoid me, the more time I have to stockpile nasty, sarcastic things to say to you, and the greater the chance that I might forget myself and say one or two of them in my Outside Voice.

Dear Canadian winter,
You started slowly, yes. BUT YOU CAN STOP NOW! !$$#!#$#%@$# The snow is mounding up, and today's blizzard is truly over the top in an unnecessary way. I felt absolutely no need to shovel out a half-foot of snow from round my house after work today before I could even park my car... Although if you keep freezing-rain all night so that I can legitimately call in iced-over to work tomorrow, I may, perhaps, feel a little more kindly towards you.

But only a little. April is the cruellest month, breeding lilacs out of the dead land -- and still taunting me from far too long away.

Dear Chocolate,
Honestly, you aren't helping. Stay away from me. "You are so unhappy. You don't drink... but a little luscious theobromine and sugar will make you feel better.... Life doesn't suck so much with Callebaut, now, does it?" Yes, yes, the extra three pounds I've suddenly put on DO make life suck that much more. Go away, and take your cheap tarty little friends the Easter Creme Eggs with you.

[badunnin]

Dear Principal,

Today was just another example of why I love love love teaching in your school and why I will do cartwheels if you ask me to. You could have just shut down my request, but instead, you are completely willing to work with me, figuring out ways to give my exams early and have my classes covered so that I can go on a trip with my folks. The atmosphere you create, the feeling of community, makes it truly a wonderful place to come everyday.


CompassRose - my English friend just brought me a new Cadbury goodie. They're chocolate bars with the cream egg filling in them, so I don't have to eat the whole stupid egg, I can now eat a bar instead. ;) Actually, there are squares you can break off. No, that doesn't stop me.
http://www.cadbury.co.uk/NR/rdonlyres/4B0EC106-677B-418E-8853-C171CFC20E5F/0/CDMCremeEggimage.gif

[Kay Henderson]

First off, stefania4, have a WONDERFUL time on your vacation!. Never having been to the Bahamas, I look forward to your account.

Now -----

Dear Magazine (or any other group or organization I subscribe to) --

NO, I do not want to be put on automatic renewal. I regularly resubscribe for as long a period as possible (two years is good, three better) because I don't like to be bothered at frequent intervals. HOWEVER, it is my wish to actively resubscribe when the time comes.

Your customer

[cumulus]

I've been waiting for one of these ;)

Dear Co-workers,

A migraine that had me puking/leaking every ounce of fluid in my body for 4 days straight does not count as a diet plan. I DID NOT need to lose weight. I am in fact, UNDERWEIGHT. Stop laughing at the fact that I looked like a skeleton when I came back to work. I was exhausted, completely drained, and you laughing at my sickly state 17lbs lighter than my already light self made me want to punch you from here to next Tuesday.

Dear DBF,

I love the fact that you make the bed every morning after you sleep over. I wish I had the heart to tell you how anal retentive I am about how I like my sheet folded- and actually re-make the bed after you leave :) I love you, but you've got a long way to go :D

[stefania4]

I've been waiting for one of these ;)

Dear Co-workers,

A migraine that had me puking/leaking every ounce of fluid in my body for 4 days straight does not count as a diet plan. I was exhausted, completely drained, and you laughing at my sickly state 17lbs lighter than my already light self made me want to punch you from here to next Tuesday.


Ouch!! That sounds awful - I hope you're feeling better.

[Peweh]

Dear Oil Company,

I find it hard to believe we have already burned through $300 worth of oil since the $919 delivery 2 weeks ago... perhaps you have mistakenly hooked up an Oxygen meter and are charging us for consumption of air instead.

[CompassRose]

CompassRose - my English friend just brought me a new Cadbury goodie. They're chocolate bars with the cream egg filling in them, so I don't have to eat the whole stupid egg, I can now eat a bar instead. ;) Actually, there are squares you can break off. No, that doesn't stop me.

Shut UP! I did not hear you say that!

I like the little mini-cremes better than the fullsize ones. And they only come in an inappropriately big bag of -- twelve, I think. :mad:

[buffygirl]

Dear Africam,

Please allow me to see some wonderful animals. It seems that everyone else has seen them except me. The crickets chirping and hyenas barking are intriguing. The shooting stars are amazing, but please oh please let me see some animals.:o

[mcgeiger]

Dear *(&*^&*^(*& Senior on my exotics rotation:

I have been waiting for this rotation since I started vet school. It is one of my only chances to learn proper exotic animal medicine. I have taken every exotics elective offered. I have worked at multiple wildlife rehabs, worked with large cats and bears, interned at a primate center, and have an externship set up at a zoo. You know nothing about exotics (no snakes don't blink, ferrets get cancer, and birds get "egg bound"!!!!), more importantly you don't WANT to work them!!!! WOULD YOU PLEASE LET ME TAKE ONE FREAKIN' CASE OUT OF 20?!?! WOULD YOU NOT MAKE A JOKE ABOUT HOW YOU'RE NOT LETTING THE JUNIORS DO ANYTHING--RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME?!?!? You *(#&)$(*#&)$(*#&)$(* witch

a junior who is sick of watching you look like an idiot in front of clients, pump me for info, and then act like you knew it all along with the clinician....

[cumulus]

Ouch!! That sounds awful - I hope you're feeling better.

Much better, and two weeks later, I'm back to normal- Thank goodness!

[Becky13347]

Dear Girl Scout Cookies,

Please keep your boxes sealed while you are in my pantry. Do not, under any circumstances, allow me to open the box. I am not on the "sleeve a day" diet plan. ;)

Dear Parents of my Students,

If your child is sick-- KEEP THEM AT HOME !!!!!!!!!!! Today I had 6 students out sick, one who came in looking like death warmed over and had to leave 2 hours later. This is the 4th day in 2 1/2 weeks that I have had 5 or more students out. It is very difficult to teach with a third of my class gone. Keep your germs in your own home and allow the rest of us to stay healthy.

Thank you

[Andrea_2]

Dear Retail Pharmacy Customers,

Do you really want the pharmacy staff to rush through filling your prescriptions? Just because your doctor called in your prescription five seconds ago doesn't mean that it is just instantly filled by some sort of magic. Obviously you are just so important and the world is going to come to a screeching halt if you don't get your birth control pills filled instantly, but that just isn't the way it works. How many times have you had an error in your fast food order at McDonalds? This pharmacy fills 1000 prescriptions a day, and a single error on any one of them could kill someone, including YOU or someone in your family. Maybe you should think about that the next time you come pounding your fists on the counter and having a big tantrum. Don't like the wait time? GO SOMEWHERE ELSE! WE WILL NOT MISS YOU!

Thanks!

[clairea]

I've been waiting for one of these ;)

Dear DBF,

I love the fact that you make the bed every morning after you sleep over. I wish I had the heart to tell you how anal retentive I am about how I like my sheet folded- and actually re-make the bed after you leave :) I love you, but you've got a long way to go :D

OMG, I am so glad someone else does this! After 15 years together, DH still doesn't know that I do (although he doesn't make the bed all that often anymore;) ).

[mbrogier]

Not so dear ovary and uterus,

ENOUGH. I am sick of all the pain and nausea you cause me. I gave you one last shot to behave, but you've proven that you're absolutely worthless. Your days are numbered. I have a surgeon, and baby, y'all are coming out! I'm going to throw a party to celebrate when y'all are history. I won't miss you one little bit.
I'm even going to ask the surgeon if it would be too much trouble for me to spit on you after you come out. :D

[Deechef]

Dear Connecticut Light and Power..........

Please raise our rates again. We have the highest rates in the country but would like to have the highest rates in the world so get cracking!

[mrswaz]

Dear snow...

Go away!


Dear DH's employer... find my DH something to do please! He's been on unemployment for over two months now, and we're getting a little strapped here.

[Jazzmatazz49]

Dear Parents of my Students,

If your child is sick-- KEEP THEM AT HOME !!!!!!!!!!! Today I had 6 students out sick, one who came in looking like death warmed over and had to leave 2 hours later. This is the 4th day in 2 1/2 weeks that I have had 5 or more students out. It is very difficult to teach with a third of my class gone. Keep your germs in your own home and allow the rest of us to stay healthy.

Thank you

Oh, yes, yes, yes. I realize so many people have been sick that parents are using up their sick days, but this is teacher abuse. I did finally succumb to the germs that I was sprayed with all day long, so thanks a bunch.

Dear friends,
Just because my husband is a CPA, please stop asking me for tax advice. I am as clueless as you are. And if you want tax advice, I hate to tell you that you may have to go on-line or pay a living person for it.

[Mpenny1001]

http://www.cadbury.co.uk/NR/rdonlyres/4B0EC106-677B-418E-8853-C171CFC20E5F/0/CDMCremeEggimage.gif

Dear badunnin,

Thank you for showing me that. You have made my day.

Sincerely,
Moneypenny

[Krysia1031]

Dear Mother-in-Law,

Just becasue I am pregnant does not mean you need to be cooking me special meals every night and then make me feel bad when I don't want it! I can cook for myself & your lovely son, but you seem to think I am incompetenet and forgot how to cook (even though I have managed for the past 4 years without you).

Also, stop asking me "How are you both doing?" I know there is a baby inside of me, but technically I'm just one person! Ever since we told you I was pregnant you went nuts and I know you are excited but LADY, BACK OFF!!!! :mad: Don't lecture me on what I should do and what I shouldn't. And if you keep making jokes that you are going to quit your job so you can spend every waking moment of the day with me & the baby :eek: , well I might as well shoot myself right now!

Sincerely your very-concerned daughter in law,
K

[doggerham]

Krysia,

I believe you need to visit http://www.jestations.com/ !!

Maybe this one:

http://www.jestations.com/images/shut-up_pink.jpg

[Krysia1031]

Doggerham - Too funny! What a great website!! I love the shirt. :D

[doggerham]

Just for full disclosure, Jestations is owned and operated by a fellow BBer. You can read about it here http://community.cookinglight.com/showthread.php?p=1179567

[SandyM]

Dear Winter:

Go. Away. NOW. :mad:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear God,

I'm so incredibly sorry for whatever it is that I did to irritate you enough to put the screaming, kicking, insolent 3-year-old in the seat behind me on the plane, not only on the way to Cancun, but again on the way back last week. Please grant forgiveness. :D

And if you don't mind, please give all the travellers to the Boston klatch this weekend safe travels.

And one more thing: Thanks for my awesome new job. :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[Jezebelly]

Dear Husband:

Isn't that pretty much the same penis you were born with? Please pee IN the toilet not on it. I did not relish changing diapers, I do not enjoy cleaning the cat box and I really dislike cleaning pee out of the caulking at the base of the potty. If you can not manage peeing IN the toilet, I offer three compromises. 1) You may only use the upstairs bathroom. 2) You must sit down to pee like the little boy you evidently are. 3) YOU clean the bathroom once in a while.

__________________________________________________ _________________
Dear Wife of My Husband's Friend:

I don't like you. Please stop sending me SPAM email updates about your life; if I cared, I would call. There are reasons I never return your calls. I am not interested in your long-suffering envious crush on your brother, I do not care that strangers knocked on your mother's door to offer her 3X the market value for her home, I don't think your purebred kitten makes you a more valuable person, I think your children are ugly and spoiled feral monsters. That's right, I said it. U-G-L-Y. I do not exist to set a competitive bar for you to hurdle in life. I'm glad that your husband is beseeched by unknown wealthy financeers to accept a staff electrician job that will pay him $200+K per year as well as provide you a fabulous mansion complete with a company Hummer in Vail. Get to moving.

It's great that your husband and my husband have a friendship based on mutual appreciation of the Grateful Dead, but as stated earlier, my husband also pees on the floor - demonstrating his obvious lack of good judgement. Their friendship has nothing to do with me and your ugly children.

[Miss_Liss]

Dear Work Vending Machine Stockist,

Please do not stack 4 Take 5's in front of the Twix bars so that I can see them taunting me but can not get at them. Please understand that Twix bars must take precedence over all other candy.

[MISSINDI]

Dear Potential Home Buyer:
Please buy our house. Now. I know it only went on the market on Monday, but I would really love for this to be over. Our poor 4-year-old son has packed up most of his toys so his room can look bigger, and I feel so bad about that.

Dear Mother Nature:
I appreciate that we need rain, really I do. But with the house on the market, it means I can't put the dogs in the backyard. Instead, they're on leashes, and I'm trying to hold 200+ pounds of wriggling dogs while being pregnant and trying to make nice with the real estate agents. Help me out here and bring some sun to dry up this mudpit you've made our backyard into. Fast. I know it was only today, but work with me here.

Baby-to-Be:
I can't wait to find out what you are and meet you, but until then you're are driving me slightly batty with your indecisiveness about food. When we go to a restaurant or a grocery store, we need to focus on what we *really* want, instead of ordering and buying everything because we can't make up our mind.

[BarbaraL]

Dear Africam,

Please allow me to see some wonderful animals. It seems that everyone else has seen them except me. The crickets chirping and hyenas barking are intriguing. The shooting stars are amazing, but please oh please let me see some animals.:o

Me too, me too! I've seen wonderful pictures of of a pond, trees and scrub. I can hear some birds and animals, but haven't seen any (except a close-up shot of a grasshopper - wow).

[jtoepfert100]

, but as stated earlier, my husband also pees on the floor - demonstrating his obvious lack of good judgement.

That's the funniest thing I've read in a long time.:D

Dear Tater,

Please stop puking. You are obviously healthy and I suspect you are just eating too fast. I realize my social life is nonexistent and maybe I really don't have anything better to do, but spending my evenings cleaning up cat puke is just not my idea of fun.

Jen

[TKay]

Dear Molly Dog -

While I realize you are getting very old, and I feel for you, I'd love it if you would stop making my house smell like a kennel for sick dogs. Your barf stains have gotten out of hand. And your feet? Can you wash them once in a while? I'm grateful that you don't do your business in the house (with the exception of the vomitting thing), but I don't see how you can step in your pee or poop EVERY time you go. Seriously, does it have to be every single time? And again, I acknowlege that you're aged, and I did choose to have you live with me, but must everything about you stink? Must I smell you on my hands after petting you? Can you somehow produce less oil and leave less of it on the white carpet the previous owners decided to install? Just this once? You're a great girl and very well-behaved. But you have turned my home into an embarrassment. See what you can do about it.

Signed,
Your Loving Owner

[suebear37]

Dear 7-1/2 lbs. that I gained on vacation last week:

GO AWAY. NOW.

There is no way that I consumed 26,000 calories above & beyond what I needed for the day. I know I ate stuff I shouldn't have & had a few too many fruity rum drinks, but puhleeze... give me a break.

[CompassRose]

It's just the sodium. Drink lots of water, flush it out of your system.

[Miss_Liss]

Oh and...

Dear Manager,

You. Are. An. Idiot!

If the company policy puts a cap on hotel stays at $270 per night :eek: and you do not book your hotel early enough to get a good rate, do not b*tch to me that I can't book you the same hotel at $400 per night !!!

No - the alternative $230 per night hotel does not have cockroaches, no - a $400 per night room is not "cheap" for DC, yes - the company will cover your $5 cab fare to the conference so you don't have to walk 3 blocks, and yes - you are the most annoying person I have ever worked for.

One last thing, dear manager....bite me!!

[springsgourmet9]

Dear co-workers:

Ok, it was raining but why am I the only one to make it in on time. I watched the weather last night and got my butt in here on time. Whether it be rain, snow, sun you all are always late. All it takes is a little forethought to get your a** in the office on time, leave your house earlier. I'm sick of being the only one here at 8:00 am. You're getting paid to be here! And if the bosses keep feeling sympathetic, I'll just start sleeping in a little later. It sucks having a great work ethic!

[barbara-cook]

I love these threads - I get to laugh (at first) and then comiserate with the poor folks that are having all kinds of issues (and rightfully so!) with other folks.

I just have one and then I'll be on my way:

To my (becoming elderly) parents (and you know I love you!):
Could you please, please, please call someone to clean out your driveway next time we get 1-2 feet of snow instead of waiting three days for my brother (your son) to drive thirty miles with his snow blower on is truck to do it? There are actually people out there in the world that do these things for a living! Their ads are all over the Penny Saver papers for a reason. They will come and plow the driveway and that way, God forbid, should you need an ambulance or the fire trucks to come to your house they can actually get to you in a timely fashion! Spend a little money once in awhile. I know you have it! Paying someone to plow your driveway is not a mortal sin. And Dad, really, shoveling at your age is really not something anyone would advise. Quit it!

Your loving daughter,

[LakeMartinGal]

Dear Africam,

Please allow me to see some wonderful animals. It seems that everyone else has seen them except me. The crickets chirping and hyenas barking are intriguing. The shooting stars are amazing, but please oh please let me see some animals.:oI thought I was the only one who wasn't seeing animals! I was beginning to think it was a hoax! :D

Not so dear ovary and uterus,

ENOUGH. I am sick of all the pain and nausea you cause me. I gave you one last shot to behave, but you've proven that you're absolutely worthless. Your days are numbered. I have a surgeon, and baby, y'all are coming out! I'm going to throw a party to celebrate when y'all are history. I won't miss you one little bit.
I'm even going to ask the surgeon if it would be too much trouble for me to spit on you after you come out. :D LOL -- I never thought of spitting on them! Seriously, you will feel SO much better!

my husband also pees on the floor - demonstrating his obvious lack of good judgement. ROFL! That's hysterical!
:D :D

No vents right now... except for DH feeling like crap all the time, life is good!

[RebeccaT]

Dear Self,

Please get you a*s in gear and pack, for goodness sake. You are moving in 12 days, and wishing you were all packed will not make it so. Yes, you have an extremely active 20 month old. But she does take naps. Yes, you are tired because of said 20 month old and being pregnant. But imagine how much MORE tired you will be when you have to pack your entire 2400 square foot house in less than a week, instead of a few boxes at a time. Oh, and get off the BB, that would help.

Signed,
me


Dear seller of house we really love but kind of have a bad taste in our mouths about now,

I am so so sorry that you have to move after 21 years in your lovely home. But seriously - please just do the dad-gum repairs. You have ignored a LOT of basic maintenance, but all these things are fixable. And yes you came down in price more than you wanted to, but that price we offered assumed that your house did NOT have major roof issues! And it was based on market value, because I'm sorry but we can't pay you for your sentimental value! I am not looking forward to having to put off the kitchen and bath renovations because of these more basic "invisible" renovations, but we do still love your house. And we hope that we can make as many fond memories with our young family as you did with yours, when you moved in just like we are with a toddler and one on the way all those years ago.

Warmly,
Your buyer


Dear seller's agent,

P*ss off. You are muddying up this process and being a twit. The seller is a very reasonable woman, I have talked with her myself (which I know you hated since you would much rather speak for her) but it is not cool, not even remotely ethical, for you not to give her all of the information before you tell us what she is and is not willing to do. I will be so glad when we are done dealing with you.

And no, our last name is not Tucker. It's Turner. Please get it straight.

- RT

[Jezebelly]

Dear PowerBall Lottery:

Couldn't you just let me win you? Just once? One freakin' time? That's all I ask. Falling short of this, could you just let me get ONE number out of my series of 6? Occassionally? Just once in a while? So that I can stop feeling like I'm paying the stupid person's tax? Couldn't you be a slightly more rewarding game to play? And on the off chance that I forget to pay the stupid person's tax - err, buy my ticket - couldn't you NOT haunt me with thoughts that surely this would have been the drawing that would have transformed me into an instant bazillionaire?

Thanks in advance for removing your talons from my greedy little heart.

Maya

[barbara-cook]

RebeccaT - aren't realtors (seller's agents) wonderful? We've been in our house almost 6 years now and I still haven't lost the bad taste in my mouth of the guy we dealt with. And don't get my husband started on the guy - he might have a heart attack! When we were all moved in and settled, my husband sent the realtor's office a letter spelling out all the ways we were disappointed in his "expertise". Do you think we even got a letter back with a small apology? Nope. Nothing. Just took our 6% and ran. Loser.

Good luck with your move and your sellers repairs. We had many surprises when we moved in, even after having an engineering inspector checking everything out. We were dealing, not with the seller as he passed away the night we wrote up the offer (I would've liked to have met the old guy!), but with realtors and attorneys and the owners children. We managed to get a few things taken care of before we closed, but once we moved in we found all sorts of odd things. We would find something and then ask each other "why would they do this?" After awhile, if one of us said it, the other would say "don't ask - I have no idea!".

The house is sound, but it needs TLC, which we are slowing providing. But the way we were treated on the purchase, and the sale of our old home, just really went badly and like I said, not even an apology. Gives new meaning to "buyer beware".

Good luck and get packing!

[AvrilH]

If I could remove and spit on/curse at the useless discs in my back, I WOULD!

Anyway.......

Dear MIL:

Are you freakin' kidding me? You were widowed almost a decade ago. Did you know that? A DECADE. You don't have much money - Are you aware of that? Your sister and BIL have let you live with them in Luxury in your home country of Australia until you pissed them off and they kicked you out. Then you moved into my home - destroying the easy-going happiness my family has as a unit of FIVE (not 6, see?) You are rude to my children and their friends, and showed the most outrageous favoritism I HAVE EVER SEEN. YOu drove me and your own son CRAZY.

Then you threw a hissy fit and moved back to Aus. Now a year later they have turfed you out again. You are not moving back with me. Nope. And your son, my DH agrees. You are mean and bitchy. Suck up your crappy income and live within your means. If you come back to Canada, I'll cook you Sunday dinners and invite you to the kids' events. But never in my home again, LADY!

That feels better. :)

[Jezebelly]

Dear Snotty 70lb Anorexic Neighbor Lady named Cindy:

You can't bother replying to me when I say "Hello" at our childrens' bus stop every morning and you look the other way to pretend that you can't see me. So now that you've volunteered to be room mother and chair woman of the school's silent auction, do you really think I'll help you? Are my cheap non-Donna Karan sweat pants indicative of such mental frailty that I'll be fooled into assisting you if a different neighbor asks for my help on your behalf? I think you should have to ask me yourself, however distasteful it may be to exchange a single word with me. At least I'll have the courtesy to reply to you that I'd prefer to do glorious amounts of absolutely NOTHING to help you out, thank you.

By the way, your face looks as if a permanent bad smell resides under your nose and no amount of plastic surgery or starvation can remove the bi#@h from your body. I think you need an exorcism.

[Middydd]

Dear Sister In Law:

Confetti in envelopes is annoying. You forever are telling people what to do or trying to get them to do something they didn't want to do. Having to pick up little gold stars from my couch and carpet just reminds me of how much of a pain in the butt you are.

And the cheery invitation to a beachfront day of "TUBING" and volleyball is not our idea of fun. We're not 15 anymore, no matter how much you'd like to pretend. You've seen us at the beach, we relax with an icy cool drink.

Just go away and take your confetti filled envelopes with you.

[GingerPow]

Dear Husband:

Isn't that pretty much the same penis you were born with? Please pee IN the toilet not on it. I did not relish changing diapers, I do not enjoy cleaning the cat box and I really dislike cleaning pee out of the caulking at the base of the potty. If you can not manage peeing IN the toilet, I offer three compromises. 1) You may only use the upstairs bathroom. 2) You must sit down to pee like the little boy you evidently are. 3) YOU clean the bathroom once in a while.
__________________________________________________ ___
Dear Wife of My Husband's Friend:

I don't like you. Please stop sending me SPAM email updates about your life; if I cared, I would call. There are reasons I never return your calls. I am not interested in your long-suffering envious crush on your brother, I do not care that strangers knocked on your mother's door to offer her 3X the market value for her home, I don't think your purebred kitten makes you a more valuable person, I think your children are ugly and spoiled feral monsters. That's right, I said it. U-G-L-Y. I do not exist to set a competitive bar for you to hurdle in life. I'm glad that your husband is beseeched by unknown wealthy financeers to accept a staff electrician job that will pay him $200+K per year as well as provide you a fabulous mansion complete with a company Hummer in Vail. Get to moving.

It's great that your husband and my husband have a friendship based on mutual appreciation of the Grateful Dead, but as stated earlier, my husband also pees on the floor - demonstrating his obvious lack of good judgement. Their friendship has nothing to do with me and your ugly children.

Dear Snotty 70lb Anorexic Neighbor Lady named Cindy:
You can't bother replying to me when I say "Hello" at our childrens' bus stop every morning and you look the other way to pretend that you can't see me. By the way, your face looks as if a permanent bad smell resides under your nose and no amount of plastic surgery or starvation can remove the bi#@h from your body. I think you need an exorcism.
Jezebelly, I'll apologize in advance for my amusement at your description of your unpleasant situations - but I have to also chime in to tell you that this is the funniest stuff I've read in ages! If you and your "DH-with-bad-aim" ever visit NJ, look me up. You sound like lots of fun & "Bad-Smell-Cindy" is missing out on a fun neighbor! :D

[carmor]

Dear co-worker:

Please stop introducing me to new employees as the "one who makes the rest of us look bad" just because I am able to keep up with my work. I'm sorry that you feel the amount of work given to us is unreasonable, but maybe if you showed up on a regular basis you wouldn't feel so overwhelmed. I realize that no one should be coming to work sick, but just because you sneezed once at 7:00 am doesn't mean you need to leave at noon. Also, please do not sit at your desk on the phone with your wife's doctor discussing (loudly) the problems with her "cycle" - I do NOT want to hear about it. If you really feel this is something you need to do, go somewhere else. Or better yet, have your WIFE call her doctor, she is an adult and really should learn to do these things herself. Luckily, I am on a much needed vacation this week, otherwise I might have to take my husband's advice and pee on your desk.

**************

Dear kidneys:

Please, please stop with the stones - it is really painful!! I know you have had a lot of attention over the last year, but enough is enough!

[aggie94]

Okay, I too am LMAO at the statements that GingerPow highlighted. But I have to add this statement and a :eek: since no one else did:


Dear Wife of My Husband's Friend:

I don't like you. Please stop sending me SPAM email updates about your life; if I cared, I would call. There are reasons I never return your calls. I am not interested in your long-suffering envious crush on your brother,I do not care that strangers knocked on your mother's door to offer her 3X the market value for her home, I don't think your purebred kitten makes you a more valuable person, I think your children are ugly and spoiled feral monsters. That's right, I said it. U-G-L-Y. I do not exist to set a competitive bar for you to hurdle in life. I'm glad that your husband is beseeched by unknown wealthy financeers to accept a staff electrician job that will pay him $200+K per year as well as provide you a fabulous mansion complete with a company Hummer in Vail. Get to moving.

It's great that your husband and my husband have a friendship based on mutual appreciation of the Grateful Dead, but as stated earlier, my husband also pees on the floor - demonstrating his obvious lack of good judgement. Their friendship has nothing to do with me and your ugly children.

[Lauren]

Dear SIL,

You've been married to my brother for almost 14 years. You knew he was Jewish when you married him. I understand he's not observant, but you do celebrate the holidays with your husband's family. Can you fake a bit of interest in the religion? When we're talking about what to make for Passover with the family, please don't refer to Rosh Hashanah as "the other holiday." Get a brain. :eek:

[stefania4]

Can you fake a bit of interest in the religion? When we're talking about what to make for Passover with the family, please don't refer to Rosh Hashanah as "the other holiday." Get a brain. :eek:

It sounds like your SIL went to the same charm school as my grandfather (sigh). Not only did he feign surprise each and every time we didn't know the words to his Catholic prayers, but a few times a year he would ask my mother exactly WHAT she was again [Presbyterian]. Honest to God, knowing I'm a church-goer he once was talking to me about a New Testament parable and said, "I'll bet even in your Bible it says...."

[little_bopeep]

Luckily, I am on a much needed vacation this week, otherwise I might have to take my husband's advice and pee on your desk.


If I had had a sip of water in my mouth when I read that line, it would have been all over my computer!!!

[semmens]

Dear Dogwalkers,

The park path is designated MULTI-USE. Please, if you really must let your pet have the entire 25 yards of your retractable leash, try to stay on the same side of the path as him. While me and my bike are indeed capable of detouring into the mud to avoid being clotheslined, we much prefer staying on the pavement.

Sincerely,

Avid Biker

[Jessnc]

Dear Loving Parents,

I am almost 28 years old. Please, please - enough with the parenting! I understand it is your job...and this may be an unrealistic wish, but I don't need to be told that bugs will fly in the house if the door is left open (this is why I shut doors behind me), I know that the dog will get sick if she eats anything strange off the ground (this is why I watch her when I walk her and if she attempts to grab anything I pull her away), when I accidentally step in doggie doo I will not spray it off in the direction of your tomato plants, I know where to pull in to the grocery store (this is why I slow down and put my blinker on), when I turn the tv on and it is not loud enough for everyone to hear, believe it or not, I will notice that and turn the volume up without being told to do so(I am very familiar with the high volume necessary for you to hear the tv), and please, please, please - no more financial advice. I understand money. If I had more, I could take your advice and not use credit cards for anything.

I have made it this far in life without causing harm to myself or anyone else. Try it...just for a day....don't advise me on anything. I would love to impress you with all of the basic common sense I have gathered throughout my life.

Sincerely,
Your loving daughter

[barbara-cook]

Jessnc: I read your post about your loving parents and had to laugh. You don't say how old they are, but I want to tell you (very, very gently of course) that I am 51 and my parents are 84 and they are still doing stupid things like you've mentioned. I think parents (espcially of daughters) just feel that urge to continue to parent us until their last days. You may have noticed a thread I started about two weeks ago about "Does your mom say things that bug you? A lot?". I had to almost get mad at my mother for calling me a "good girl". And her parting words to me are usually "be good". Very infuriating.

Anyway, I feel you pain, your embarrassment, your annoyance. But I guess if you really want them to stop, you'll have to sit them down and talk to them and tell them that they are wonderful parents, they've done a wonderful job raising you and that now that you're 28, you'd like to cut the apron strings and get on with your life. And of course, when you need advise, promise them that they will be the first people you'll call.
I hope they let up - I understand what you're going through!

[engineer]

Dear Thief -

I hope you gave yourself a hernia lifting ten of the bronze sculptures from my parents yard last night. They had only been there 10 years! It wasn't bad enough that you stole the bed liner from his pickup last fall but now this! In case you don't know my father is dying and these are sculptures that he made that are irreplaceable! If there is justice in the universe you will drop them on your foot and be pinned there until the police come and get you! In the meantime - can you pick on someone elses family!:mad:

[Jessnc]

Barbara Cook - Thank you for your sympathy! I know this happens to everyone. I know I can expect it to never end. I even expect that when I am a parent myself I will be a parented parenter. My folks are your age. I love them dearly, but my goodness it surprises me what they think they have to suggest to me. At least I can get over the frustration and have a good laugh about it. :)

[carmor]

If I had had a sip of water in my mouth when I read that line, it would have been all over my computer!!!

I was talking to DH on the phone at work when he made this suggestion and I did nearly spit my coffee all over my computer. The rest of the day I couldn't look at my coworker with laughing.:D

[Lauren]

Dear Thief -

I hope you gave yourself a hernia lifting ten of the bronze sculptures from my parents yard last night. They had only been there 10 years! It wasn't bad enough that you stole the bed liner from his pickup last fall but now this! In case you don't know my father is dying and these are sculptures that he made that are irreplaceable! If there is justice in the universe you will drop them on your foot and be pinned there until the police come and get you! In the meantime - can you pick on someone elses family!:mad:

Engineer - I'm sorry for your loss. I know how much the sculptures must have meant to you and your family. What's wrong with people who steal like this????

[Phoenixcooking]

Dear telemarketers,

It is bad enough that you ignore the Federal Do Not Call list and call us any way, disregard the time or day of the week, why do you insist on calling us by our first names as if you are our long lost friend call for a chat, I know it is your job and I you have a family to support I don't blame you for doing what you have to do, but when I say no accept in the spirit it was given I just don't want the time share, life time light bulbs or new long distance, I am not rejecting you there is no need to get testy or to nasty,just remove me form your call list and move on to the next person who may want whatever it is you are not selling.

[cookieee]

Jessnc: I read your post about your loving parents and had to laugh. You don't say how old they are, but I want to tell you (very, very gently of course) that I am 51 and my parents are 84 and they are still doing stupid things like you've mentioned. I think parents (espcially of daughters) just feel that urge to continue to parent us until their last days. You may have noticed a thread I started about two weeks ago about "Does your mom say things that bug you? A lot?". I had to almost get mad at my mother for calling me a "good girl". And her parting words to me are usually "be good". Very infuriating.

Anyway, I feel you pain, your embarrassment, your annoyance. But I guess if you really want them to stop, you'll have to sit them down and talk to them and tell them that they are wonderful parents, they've done a wonderful job raising you and that now that you're 28, you'd like to cut the apron strings and get on with your life. And of course, when you need advise, promise them that they will be the first people you'll call.
I hope they let up - I understand what you're going through!

As a mother of a 41 year old DD, I would just like to say, please forgive us. It is very, very hard to let go. When your children are little and need you, it is very hard to realize we are not needed anymore when they grow up. ( except as babysitters:D ) So kids;) , please try to be a little bit more understanding of us. We love you, and just want the very best in life for you.
And remember one thing, we will not ALWAYS be here. Love and accept us as we are while we are here.

[LakeMartinGal]

Barbara Cook - Thank you for your sympathy! I know this happens to everyone. I know I can expect it to never end. I even expect that when I am a parent myself I will be a parented parenter. My folks are your age. I love them dearly, but my goodness it surprises me what they think they have to suggest to me. At least I can get over the frustration and have a good laugh about it. :)Sometimes, it's not that they are reminding you, but that they are grateful that they remember those things, themselves...;)

[BarbaraL]

As a mother of a 41 year old DD, I would just like to say, please forgive us. It is very, very hard to let go. When your children are little and need you, it is very hard to realize we are not needed anymore when they grow up. ( except as babysitters:D ) So kids;) , please try to be a little bit more understanding of us. We love you, and just want the very best in life for you.
And remember one thing, we will not ALWAYS be here. Love and accept us as we are while we are here.


Duly noted. My dear mom could get to me like no one else - "what's that strange thing you're wearing?" about the cool scarf I was wearing and for which I'd gotten many compliments, for example.
Mom died almost two years ago, and I miss her very much. I'd give anything to hear her little (well intentioned) zings again.

[cookieee]

Duly noted. My dear mom could get to me like no one else - "what's that strange thing you're wearing?" about the cool scarf I was wearing and for which I'd gotten many compliments, for example.
Mom died almost two years ago, and I miss her very much. I'd give anything to hear her little (well intentioned) zings again.

Dear Barbara, I am so sorry about your loss. I lost mine a few years ago also and maybe that is why I feel the way I do. I am glad you understand.

[testkitchen45]

Dear Wonderful Moms of the Sweet Girls in my Girl Scout Troop,

Moments ago, I heard through the grapevine (da*n that grapevine, anyway) that a few of you have been discussing the possible need for new leadership in the GS troop. Since I'm the leader in question, all I can say is that after spending four hours today planning all sorts of fun activities for your girls, even those whom you just drop off & pick up with no other involvement whatsoever, this news comes as a real kick in the gut. I am fighting back tears as I write this letter to you, for all the times you have smiled sweetly, said everything's going OK with your girl and Scouts, and NOT given me feedback on my e-mailed info, and NOT given me help, and NOT given me much support, and yet I am perceived now as somehow having failed the troop. So what if it's my first year as a leader. Do I not get a learning curve? Was I expected to somehow pick up all the zillion tips and bits of info by osmosis, in between holding bimonthly meetings that your girls seemed to love, and living the other parts of my life? A few of you have been real gems, and if I need to hand leadership reins over to them, I might be relieved b/c life is so full as it is, but it really hurts to hear this behind-the-scenes kibbitzing when all I've been privy to is the smiles of appreciation and acting as if your daughter loves the group, while privately holding back constructive commentary that could have been helpful if she really wanted to do different activities. Thanks for the feedback, ladies. Now I'm *really* motivated to hold the meeting this week. :(

Sincerely, Your Hardworking Leader Who Cares About Your Daughter But Who Would Really Rather Just Crawl Into A Hole For Awhile.

[ChristyMarie]

Dear MIL,

Sending a box of clothes for DS does not erase you not seeing him in five months or your refusal to come see him on his first Christmas.

Funny, these clothes are too big, last ones were too small. Maybe if you saw him or asked about him occassionally you'd know how big he was.

You are a poor excuse for a parent and an even worse example of a grandparent and should be ashamed of yourself.

You'll see him in June - through no effort of your own since we are driving there to see other family friends - and I know you'll be shocked when he doesn't want to go to you for your photo op so you can show all your friends what a "wonderful" grandmother you are.

Signed,
Your fed up DIL.:mad:

[ChristieinMB]

Dear Wonderful Moms of the Sweet Girls in my Girl Scout Troop,
Sincerely, Your Hardworking Leader Who Cares About Your Daughter But Who Would Really Rather Just Crawl Into A Hole For Awhile.
Oh, I really feel bad for you, your heart is in the right place and then to get this.
Now, about that grapevine, I wonder about someone telling you this, rather than encourage the complainers to shut up or go to you with constructive crticism and an offer to assist. Why tell you, knowing it will hurt, what are supposed to do with this information. crawl into that hole.
I know from experience that you will laugh later. As a team mother, I had a parent yell at me, I felt so bad until I told my DH, he (correctly) said the other parent was at fault and I shouldn't have even listened to her, I just sat on the phone while she reamed me, thinking I must be wrong and oh how bad I feel that her son missed picture day. I mailed notices but she said her kids lose the mail and I should call to remind them, and this from a parent that did nothing. She wanted me to try to schedule a second picture day.
Now it is funny, I did learn a lot about people in that experience, the kids were great, the parents, too many obnoxious ones, it is amazing we have as many normal people that we do.

[bobmark226]

Dear Thief -

I hope you gave yourself a hernia lifting ten of the bronze sculptures from my parents yard last night. They had only been there 10 years! It wasn't bad enough that you stole the bed liner from his pickup last fall but now this! In case you don't know my father is dying and these are sculptures that he made that are irreplaceable! If there is justice in the universe you will drop them on your foot and be pinned there until the police come and get you! In the meantime - can you pick on someone elses family!:mad:

That's really and truly dreadful. Have you considered talking to your local paper and seeing if you can get this written up as a human interest story? ("Local artist's work.....") It might bring some serious action or results or might trigger something in a person who knows something. Those sculptures are apparently unique and probably readily identifiable. It's worth a try.

Again, so sorry to read this.

Bob

[colleency]

Dear DH,
Calling me at 4pm to ask me if I want to go to a fancy party at a museum that starts at 5:30 is not amusing. I don't get off work until 6, if I don't take lunch. I had to take lunch to do the errands I asked you to do, so I'll be off at 7. It takes me an hour to get home, that's 8, where I would have to change and drive to the museum, 8:30, 8:45?

And, I'm extraodinarily tired of asking you to pick up your things. You are not a three-year-old. Six weeks to clean up a small mess that you picked up in under an hour is unacceptable, especially as you waited until after I asked you several times, until I got angry.

However, I love you.
Your wife

Dear Co-worker(s),
CW1: Your laugh makes me feel like scratching my ears off.
CW2: Please don't eat canned turkey at your desk. It smells gross.
CW3-10: Your lunch makes the microwave smell like sweaty feet. Whenever anyone opens the door during the lunch periods, I want to die. And, are you so desperate for tv that you HAVE to watch Barney?
Your annoyed co-worker

Dear MIL,
I'm still angry with you. There is no excuse for not inviting your son to his brother's memorial service. At all.
Your dutiful DIL

Dear Self,
Stop being so lazy. Stop procrastinating.
me


I've been saving up. Now that I've typed it out, I *almost* don't need to submit it. :D

[Jezebelly]

Jezebelly, I'll apologize in advance for my amusement at your description of your unpleasant situations - but I have to also chime in to tell you that this is the funniest stuff I've read in ages! If you and your "DH-with-bad-aim" ever visit NJ, look me up. You sound like lots of fun & "Bad-Smell-Cindy" is missing out on a fun neighbor! :D

;) ... <muah>

[Jezebelly]

Jezebelly, I'll apologize in advance for my amusement at your description of your unpleasant situations - but I have to also chime in to tell you that this is the funniest stuff I've read in ages! If you and your "DH-with-bad-aim" ever visit NJ, look me up. You sound like lots of fun & "Bad-Smell-Cindy" is missing out on a fun neighbor! :D

;) ... <muah>


btw...where in jersey? my husband is from central jersey (basking ridge)

[cindy47031]

Dear DH
Please taste it first. Please. Please. I used thyme and cream and butter. I did put pepper in. I swear. I put in pepper. It's fine if you want more. But please at least take ONE bite before you start doctoring your food. Am I that bad a cook?

[stefania4]

Dear Self -

Please remember that your mother loves to plan parties and, for her, all parties are surprise parties. Even if a surprise party, 3 months after the event, for a woman with a serious heart condition is highly unlikely to be a "surprise", especially when her whole family drives in from 3 states for no apparent reason. Simply nod and smile and do as you're told.

[Krysia1031]

Dear Sister,

I am so sick of all of your bull%$#@! You are such a lying person, it drives me crazy. You have a business trip over the weekend? Come on, how stupid do you think I am? You are a paralegal and last time I checked people typically don't go into court on Sat. or Sunday. You told me you were going to Boston, you told your friend (who happened to call me for something) that you went to New York, so which is it? And then you told mom you would be home Monday afternoon. Since we didn't hear from you in 5 days, I called your best friend who told me on Thursday that you still were away. MAGICALLY, a half hour after I talked to her you called and said you just got in and she must have been confused. You know what, don't even bother calling me anymore because frankly I don't give a crap what you do or where you go!!! :mad: I have enough of my own problems than to sit here and listen to you feed me some stories you probably just made up.

Sincerely your loving sister,
KM

PS By the way, mom doesn't want to listen to your crap either.

Okay, vent over! I love this thread.

[ourthreegirls]

Dear DH,

I'm glad you're enjoying your golf trip. I know I told you that you could go while your children are on spring break. I had lots of things planned for me to do with the kids while you were gone, all of which got sidelined because earlier in the week, 1 kid was sick and now it's so friggin' cold we can't do anything outside!

Sooooooooo.....I have no desire to hear that it's 70 and beautiful in Hilton Head. Nor do I care to hear that you have played TWENTY-SEVEN holes of golf every day since you've been there. Nor do I care to hear how TIRED you are from all your hard days of golfing. WAAAAH!

Your loving wife

:eek: :p I don't sound TOO bitter do I?

[stefania4]

Dear Writers and Actors from "The Office" -

You really outdid yourselves last night. Well done; I'm still giggling.

Stephanie

[Gecko]

Dear DH,

I'm glad you're enjoying your golf trip. I know I told you that you could go while your children are on spring break. I had lots of things planned for me to do with the kids while you were gone, all of which got sidelined because earlier in the week, 1 kid was sick and now it's so friggin' cold we can't do anything outside!

Sooooooooo.....I have no desire to hear that it's 70 and beautiful in Hilton Head. Nor do I care to hear that you have played TWENTY-SEVEN holes of golf every day since you've been there. Nor do I care to hear how TIRED you are from all your hard days of golfing. WAAAAH!

Your loving wife

:eek: :p I don't sound TOO bitter do I?

So, when he gets back from playing with his friends it is your turn to have some fun while he watches the kids, right? :D . I have to tell you that Hawaii is beautiful this time of year ;) Maybe you could give him a call to tell him how much you are enjoying that Mai Tai on Waikiki beach.

[leightx]

Dear Writers and Actors from "The Office" -

You really outdid yourselves last night. Well done; I'm still giggling.

Stephanie

Ditto!

"I accidentally cross-dressed."

Hee! :D

[BucknellAlum]

Dear neighbor who has lived in our small development for one year but I have never seen in person:

You have the corner house, the entrance to our street. Do you have to keep a ginormous boat, swaddled in blue plastic, parked right on your lawn by the street sign?

And the 2 gasoline cans and ladders propped up against the fence are a nice touch.

Furthermore, trash day is Friday. That means put your can out Thursday night. Not Tuesday afternoon and let your newspapers blow all over in the ensuing 3 days.


Okay, I sort of feel better. I still might have to send an email to our homeowners association, which has been around for 6 or 7 years now, and has never had to actually enforce any of the few prohibitions on the books. There just haven't been any issues, which was fine with me, as I am not sure how I feel about the Big-Brotherness of a homeowners assn anyhow.

[ourthreegirls]

So, when he gets back from playing with his friends it is your turn to have some fun while he watches the kids, right? :D . I have to tell you that Hawaii is beautiful this time of year ;) Maybe you could give him a call to tell him how much you are enjoying that Mai Tai on Waikiki beach.


Well, define fun? If you mean I get to travel as soon as he gets back in town, I WISH! I do plan on getting out of the house BY MYSELF for awhile...and in the meantime a friend and I are thinking of getting away for a weekend somewhere.

[cangoss]

Dear DH
Please taste it first. Please. Please. I used thyme and cream and butter. I did put pepper in. I swear. I put in pepper. It's fine if you want more. But please at least take ONE bite before you start doctoring your food. Am I that bad a cook?

I can relate to this one... we have a "no doctoring without permission" rule. Salt and pepper are OK, but going to the cupboard and getting a collection of spice bottles out is not. If there's something that I think isn't stellar, I'll let him know it's OK to doctor. But I was just getting too upset when I'd spend 45 minutes cooking dinner and he'd start pulling out the bottles before he even tasted anything.

[muriel3002]

Dear Co-Worker #1:

Sorry I'm not stopping by to say "hi" or "good morning" any more. Whenever I have stopped by you have trapped me for 20 minutes telling me all about your kids or husband. Then you launch into your "I hate my job" tirade. Enough already. If you hate it that much, get the dream job you claim you're qualified for and leave. Or better yet, lower your standard of living so you can stay home with your children who you claim you miss so much. No one has to have the most expensive cuts of meat, and serve quail, venison and 4 side dishes to everyone who walks in her door. I'm not sure what you're trying to prove...


Dear Co-Worker #2:

What is with wearing the cheap tennis shoes to work? No one is buying the story about how your feet hurt and you need to wear comfortable shoes to work. If that was the case you wouldn't be wearing those $10 specials. We work in a professional office, and management expects you and I to dress appropriately. My delight is that while our manager will smile and be polite to you, I know she's planning your eventually dismissal even now. But that's okay, because you, like Co-Worker #1 delight in telling everyone how you hate your job and how you don't need to work. Fine, go home... please.


Dear Fellow Co-Workers:

It is not necessary to have candy all over the office every single day of the year. It's also not necessary to buy all the garbage candy and treats out there for every holiday. No, I don't want another foil covered chocolate egg. No, I don't want cakes, peeps or angel wings. Can we please just have a 3 month moratorium on the sweets? You all started at Halloween last year and it has not stopped - not even for one day!

[Jezebelly]

Dear Certain CLBB Posters:

It would be very nice if you could climb off your broom sticks for just a second. Your odious pontificating is wasted on me because it reads a lot like the teacher in Charlie Brown cartoons, "wah wa wah wa wahhhh". I'd recommend the next time you're out buying silly $400 ceramic double-boilers, you check to see if the store has a reasonably priced sense of humor you could invest in. I'd recommend one that loosens the deathgrip humorlessness has on your twisted gizzards.

Thanks in advance.

[mbrogier]

That's really and truly dreadful. Have you considered talking to your local paper and seeing if you can get this written up as a human interest story? ("Local artist's work.....") It might bring some serious action or results or might trigger something in a person who knows something. Those sculptures are apparently unique and probably readily identifiable. It's worth a try.

Again, so sorry to read this.

Bob

I second Bob's great suggestion. Bronze statues don't have a huge resell market like stolen electronics or jewelry would have. You'd have to sell to a gallery or collector or find someone who would melt them down. I doubt they're worth that much for scrap metal.

Getting an article in the paper and alerting the police are at least worth a shot. And if there are any good art galleries near you, maybe you could give them the specifics of what was stolen in case they are approached about buying the statues--unaware that they were stolen.

Good Luck. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this and your father's illness, too.

[engineer]

Actually I took his suggestion and sent it along to DM and she reported back that the police officier working the case had contacted the media. There was a story on the local news. I got to see it and they did a good job ... it was just heartbreaking to see my father cry:(

He was part of the liberation force on concentration camps in WWII and has seen just how inhumane people can be, but I think this just reminded him.
Here's the link to the story and if you look there is a video clip with it.

http://www.myfoxcolorado.com/myfox/pages/News/Detail?contentId=2792903&version=2&locale=EN-US&layoutCode=TSTY&pageId=3.2.1

[Lauren]

Dear company that I interviewed with,

You made a big mistake not hiring me for the position. I would have been the most dedicated and enthusiastic employee on your staff. I walked away from the interview feeling really good about our meeting. Having had similar experience, I felt confident and really connected to the position.

Oh well, it is truly your loss.

ETA: I feel much better.

[bobmark226]

Actually I took his suggestion and sent it along to DM and she reported back that the police officier working the case had contacted the media. There was a story on the local news. I got to see it and they did a good job ... it was just heartbreaking to see my father cry:(

He was part of the liberation force on concentration camps in WWII and has seen just how inhumane people can be, but I think this just reminded him.
Here's the link to the story and if you look there is a video clip with it.

http://www.myfoxcolorado.com/myfox/pages/News/Detail?contentId=2792903&version=2&locale=EN-US&layoutCode=TSTY&pageId=3.2.1


I was thinking about this just the other day when the local news did a report about a family that had their oversized blowup Easter Bunny stolen from their lawn, not that there's any comparison to the loss your Mom & Dad suffered.

I wasn't aware of the Fox reports. They really did a very nice piece and I have to admit that your Mom & Dad's interiews got me all misty. I only wish it had brought the results they deserve. :(

Bob