Teaching kids table manners

[MaryMorph]

In the last few months, my 22 month old son has decided he's no longer going to sit in his booster chair. This isn't a big problem except he is no longer strapped into the seat and thus feels that he has freedom to continue to play in the rest of the house, occasionally stopping by the table for bites of food.

When should I start forcing the issue? I understand that at his age, he has the attention span of a flea. Making him sit there is likely to cause WWIII, and make dinner for the rest of miserable. I also don't want him to start thinking of meal time as a bad experience.

Any suggestions? I'd appreciate any other tips for bringing up well mannered kids (he's going through a not-so-fun stage right now!)

Thanks!

mary jo

[carmor]

I know we have had this problem with both our kids. Our daughter (who is almost 4) never liked to sit in her high chair or booster seat, but when we let her sit at the table she would get up and run around. What we discovered was that by dinnertime, she usually wasn't hungry. Both the kids would have a snack when my son (7) would get home from school at 3:30 and by dinnertime (which is between 5:30 and 6:00) my daughter wouldn't be very hungry so she would take a couple bites of food and then get up to play. We ended up cutting out her afternoon snack and we haven't had as many problems with getting her to stay at the table.

We tried a different approach with our son. A few months ago we decided to recover our dining room chairs while my parents took the kids to the zoo. We didn't have time to get all the seats back on the chairs before the kids got home, so we put the one that was still missing a seat at our son's spot at the table. When dinnertime came he went to sit down and said "Hey - there's no seat on my chair!" I just looked at him and said "I told you that if you kept getting up during dinner I would take your chair away". We let him worry about it until we sat down to eat, then we gave him a chair with a seat. However, he does now ask before he gets up from the table.:D

[LakeMartinGal]

In the last few months, my 22 month old son has decided he's no longer going to sit in his booster chair. This isn't a big problem except he is no longer strapped into the seat and thus feels that he has freedom to continue to play in the rest of the house, occasionally stopping by the table for bites of food.

When should I start forcing the issue? I understand that at his age, he has the attention span of a flea. Making him sit there is likely to cause WWIII, and make dinner for the rest of miserable. I also don't want him to start thinking of meal time as a bad experience.

Any suggestions? I'd appreciate any other tips for bringing up well mannered kids (he's going through a not-so-fun stage right now!)

Thanks!
mary jo

Not to say that my DDs had perfect table manners, but we just always insisted they say, "May I please be excused?" from a very early age, just to prevent the running around and unauthorized jumping down... It became kind of sing-song, but it worked! Once in a while, we made them stay at the table when they asked, but usually, if they asked politely, we let them go. I remember doing this from the time they were in booster chairs...:)

[Hoodone]

I do think you need to decide exactly what you want and what rules you are prepared to enforce with consistency. It is a good idea to make sure you son is hungry at mealtimes. If you decide that you really still want him in a high chair or booster, it would be a "no booster, no food, your choice" situation. Usually the child will choose the correct solution, particularly if they are hungry. If you don't want to enforce the booster, then just be prepared for the wandering at that age.

My older girl learned to sign "may I be excused" from a Signing Time video. She enjoys signing it and almost always remembers. The younger one learned to sign it before she was speaking much (from watching her sister) and now she does it, too. This was something they came up with on their own, but I like it.

Essentially, you have to decide what rules are important and enforce those consistently. A lot of my friends use the rule that food can only be eaten at a table. I personally don't use this one, but see that it is a good rule. One of my big ones is, "no cats or babies on tables or counters" and I enforce this, not that they don't try to violate it continually. If you are consistent in enforcing the rules you decide are key, eventually the kids will learn them and actually obey them, too.

[beacooker]

I agree with Hoodone - all you have to do is make a rule that the food goes away as soon as he leaves the table. Although I don't agree with her wording of 'correct choice', because I don't think there is a correct choice in this case. If he chooses to get up, that's fine, he must not be hungry. If he is hungry, he stays and eats. Neither choice is more or less correct. Of course, there may be a time or two where he is hungry, but gets up, because he doesn't yet understand that you are going to enforce this rule. But it won't take him more than a time or two to catch on.

[TKay]

This has been a battle in our home from the beginning (when the boys got out of high chairs). My 5-year-old is fine. He sits at the table with a few reminders. My 7-year-old STILL has trouble sitting in his chair. Yes, he gets up to do other things. But more than that, he just wants to STAND next to the table as he eats. This drives me batty. If I had a nickel for everytime I reminded him to sit at the table...
The funny thing is I went up to his school to have lunch with him one day. There he was at their picnic table-type lunch area and he's standing between the table and the bench. All the other kids are seated, eating nicely. He's standing there, sort of trapped, eating, but STANDING.
I heard Jay Leno say once that he prefers to stand and eat and it drives his wife nuts. But I guess some people just have that preference.
I know that doesn't help you, but it's the only thing I can relate at this point!

[stacy7272]

T-Kay - that is so funny about your 7 year old. I remember my dad getting annoyed with my brother because he wouldn't totally sit down. My dad would always ask, "Are you going to a fire?"

Now, my 6 y.o. DS does the same darn thing! He only half sits. I'm always saying, "Both cheeks on the chair!" :D

But I actually have the same problem as Mary Jo with my 4 y.o. DD. She will literally not eat a bite for dinner sometimes. I know the problem is the snacks right after school which just so happens to be right before dinner. I want to cut the snack out but I feel badly because she hasn't eaten for some time at this point and dinner may still be an hour and a half away. I think I need to regulate the snack a bit more so it is small and healthy. I'll know she isn't starving and she'll still be hungry for dinner. I plan dinner, I'll just have to start planning my kids' snacks too.

[cchhbb]

I do think that you want your child to be hungry at mealtimes. I have read and try to practice the techniques described in Child of Mine, a book written by a nutritionalist. I try to limit snacks within a couple of hours of mealtime. I also try to make snacks be fruits and veggies primarily because their little bodies burn through them. I really try to limit the amount of protein and fat that they get at snacktime. Also, take a look at what your son is drinking. I know if my kids get milk during snack, then they aren't going to want to eat.

I never make my kids eat at mealtime. If they aren't hungy, they ask to be excused and then they are allowed to leave the table. They are not allow to eat more until the next scheduled eating time.

Cheryl

[Kristilyn1]

I agree that the situation can be handled with a simple "you get up, you are done". At that age however, to start out I would make a small picture (stick figures) showing a person sitting to eat with simple words like "in your seat, when you eat". When he gets up have a small picture of something representing food being put away or the person walking away from the meal, with the words "all done". I would say the words you use on the pictures, every time he sits down, cueing with the picture card as well. I use the "in your seat" one with the students I work with and every time they start to get up, I say--while clapping---in your seat when you eat. They will often say it too and it keeps things nice and simple. I realize that it probably seems overly simple and a 22 year old does not require a visual, but I find kids understand it better and seem to enjoy it. Most people respond better to a visual cue. After a few days, fade out the picture and just use the words to remind.

Kristi

[MaryMorph]

Thanks for your tips, everyone. I especially enjoyed the "no kids or cats on the counter." One of Nate's bad behaviors right now is tormenting the cat. If she would just jump up on something (ie a counter!) she'd be out of his reach and much happier. Instead she just hunkers down and gets tortured! They're both too stubborn for their own good!

I tried the "May I Please be Excused" thing last night...it didn't work very well! We'll keep at it, and I think I'll try the "we eat when we're in our seat" thing--he responds very well to music so perhaps I'll sing it!

mary jo