Did you send your summer bday kid to school 'on time'?

[jellyben]

Both my boys have summer birthdays and both started kindy shortly after they turned 5. I know that many people choose to wait to send boys with summer birthdays, and I am now hearing of May boys waiting the extra year. And my 6yo 1st grader wants to play Tball, and he will be on a team with 6yo kindergarteners.
So I am wondering how many other parents made the decision to send their summer bday kids on time and how many chose to wait. My 1st grader is doing great but we had considered holding back my 4th grader when we move cross country(he struggles with ADHD as well as social problems) but decided not to after speaking with his principal and school psychologist. But I just think I will regret sending them on time for the rest of my life! I just didn't think it would bother me as much as it does.

[erinl]

Not much help, other than to sympathize. I struggle with this all the time and DS is only 2 1/2. His birthday is Aug 5, and two little friends (girls) were born the 11th and I know their moms are planning on sending them as young 5s. (DD will be 5 in July and is registered for kindergarten this fall. I'm not the least bit concerned about that decision.) It's very much the popular thing to send summer boys late, though. While I don't see the need with DS (so far, I plan on letting his preschool teachers guide the decision) I also understand the possible difficulties with being the youngest boy in the class.

[funnybone]

DS1 is a sophmore who will be 16 in Aug. When he was born in Ontario, it was never an issue to hold him back because the cutoff was Dec. 31. Since then, we have lived in 3 states, and each had a cutoff of Sept. 1. He seems to have known many kids in his class who were a year or more older than he was. Age was never an issue with him. However, he's 6'4" tall now, and has always been one of the tallest too, so when you look at him, he never was out of place. Academically, he has been doing well too. I don't think it should be automatic that just because a child has a certain birthdate, that he/she should be held back. It depends on the child and his/her readiness to start school, IMHO. A parent is the best person to make this decision.

[jphilg]

My daughter is a June baby, so there's little doubt in my mind that she'll be going to school "on time" but lots of my friends are dealing with this now. The consensus seems to be that it is a lot easier to hold a child back if necessary than to promote him over a grade if he's developmentally ready for more. The catch is that the parents have to be on the ball in objectively evaluating the child's readiness at the end of kindergarten, rather than being miffed or concerned that their child is being held back.

2 cents.

[luvItalian]

In CT our cutoff is December 31st so our decisions are the same just different dates. I did send my Nov. DD to kdg. at age 4. It was the right decision for her. I have to admit I cringe thinking she will be 17 when she leaves for college. This would not be the same decision I would make for my other 2 DD. Point being: think it through carefully based on only your DS and nothing else and you will know what feels right.

There is one consideration: puberty!!!! My DD is in middle school. Many of the girls (some are as much as 14 months older) are so much more developed and dating. Mine has no interest and looks very young. This is ok with me as she is a girl and I am not sure if I ever want her dating (I know wishful thinking). This thought could be different if I had a son. I know not the politically correct thing to say but it is the honest thing to say!!!

Good luck, I know it is not an easy choice. By the way she is doing fine in sports as I saw that may be a concern. Once a gain having a girls may be a factor here.

[boisewinesnob]

My youngest son missed the cutoff date by one day. His birthday is Sept 2nd and the cutoff was Sept 1st. I couldn't believe how many other parents said to me (when he was 4-5) "oh, you can go to the district and have him tested....." As if I automatically wanted him to get in :rolleyes: . I know, they were just trying to help. But I don't regret for one second that we didn't try to get him in early. He is small for his age anyway, so even though he's close to a year older than some of his classmates, he's still one of the smallest now that he's in jr high. IMO, this is a bigger issue for boys than girls, generally speaking.

[little_bopeep]

DS1, now nearly 21, has a July birthday. In Texas, our cut-off is September 1, and he was so advanced for his age (biased mom talking here) that I went ahead and started him on time. I have regretted it ever since. He really needed to have that extra year to mature before going to school because he was one of the youngest in his class and had ADHD to boot. I have a late September birthday and I was the oldest in my class...it was wonderful! I totally felt like I had an advantage.

[Deb67]

My son is 13 with an August birthday. One of the best decisions we have ever made was waiting an extra year for our son to start school. He will be in 8th grade in September, and he would have been going into highschool. He is not going to be ready for highschool quite yet. Even if they seem ready for kindergarden, years later when they start Jr. High and High School they may not be ready. I have never met any mom who regretted it. Keep in mind, your child can move up a grade later on without any problem if they are ready, but its much harder to hold your child back and have them feel embarrased and dumb. Sometimes they are ready academically but not socially, or the other way around. I wish you the best on this important decision.

Debbie

[cumulus]

My birthday is at the end of July, and my parents sent me to Kindergarten the September after I turned 4.

Seems quick, but with 2 other toddlers running around, I think they wanted to get rid of me :), and I kinda wanted out of there too! I turned out just fine. Then again, there could be major differences between boys and girls, so who knows :)

But really, it totally depends on the child. My brother, on the other hand, didn't start kindegarten till he was almost 6. It's a really tough choice, but you can't beat yourself up about it! If you think he's isn't ready, it's not a big deal to hold him out for another year. Certainly, you can spend time helping to teach him yourself, and get him off to a great start.

[Kathy B]

I asked for many opinions before deciding to wait with DS. His birthday was one day after the cutoff, but it was common practice to have kids tested for "early entrance".

What I found was:
Parents who sent their kids early, generally wished they had waited.
Parents who waited were across the board glad that they did.
None of the teachers I talked to thought sending them early was a good idea.
Especially for BOYS!
(These results were strictly from my own personal poll, but there they are and I asked a LOT of people!)

I might add that DS was reading when he started kindergarten, so I had the same concerns of many that he would be unchallenged. In that regard, I think parents just have to be involved in their child's education and work with the teachers. We periodically made appointments and talked with his teachers as needed, and overall found them very receptive and willing to help.

For me, however, the comment that struck me the most was essentially that there is a big difference between being ready for kindergarten early, and being ready for middle or high school early. Learning algebra is a whole different ball game from learning your colors. I didn't want him to get to the middle and upper grades and then start struggling, because it would certainly be too late to change our mind then. And as kids get older there are all kinds of options available for those who are academically gifted, so it doesn't really matter if they start a year later.

Having DS be one of the older kids in his class IMO has helped him become more of a leader and less of a follower. It also means he will be one more year older (and hopefully that means a year more MATURE) when he goes out on his own to college. And as that day draws closer (he is 16) I am very happy that he will not be leaving any sooner than he already is!

As someone else said, you have to make the decision based on what is right for your own child, regardless of what your friends do with their kids.

[sdcook]

DS1 has an early August birthday. Our cutoff date is Sept. 1, I believe. We started him right after he turned 6. Academically, he would have been fine a year earlier, but maturity-wise he was not ready at all. I know we made the right decision. He's on the small side and he looks tiny compared to the kids that are in 4th grade (he's in 3rd). He is far from the only one. It's pretty routine here to start the late summer birthdays a year later, even girls. I feel a little better, too, that he'll be starting college at barely 19 than barely 18 :o . I think the extra year will benefit him at the end of high school as much as the beginning of elementary.

DS2 is a May birthday and I had no problem sending him this year at age 5. He was ready in every area. I think having an older brother to follow around and learn from helped him the most.

Really, it all boils down to what you feel your kid is ready for. It's going to be different for each one.

[Kristilyn1]

It does kind of make you wonder why bother to have a cutoff if every parent ignores it? I guess you could say I made the decision twice. My oldest was born on the cutoff date for the district we lived in at that time (Dec. 31st). My decision was to not send him. Reason being, we had literally just moved two months before, after the school year had started--from a district where he would not have been eligible to start--so it wasn't even something we had been thinking about. The other reason was that I think a Dec. 31st cutoff is incredibly stupid. I mean, c'mon! Being 4 years old for the first FOUR MONTHS of school? It just seemed way too young to me. Now, at 11--it was the right decision. He is with the peers he belongs with--especially now that we moved back to the place we came from---so he is within the parameters for that district---something we knew from the get go, that we would be back here at some point.

For son #2, his birthday is late June. It never even occured to me to wait. I felt he was comfortably within the reasonable cutoff (September 30th). He is on the younger side of his classmates, but does fine academically and seems pretty much in line with his peers. That said, it's my opinion that if you don't have any true reason to question your child's maturity--why would you hold him/her back from being with the peers he would normally be in school with? A year spent repeating a grade that carries no stigma---kindergarten or 1st seems much preferable to a year spent at home without peers. Now that I work at the school, I've learned that at least around here, they'd rather see a child repeat first grade if the problem is academic--and Kindergarten if the problem is social. Reason being, that Kindergarten is obviously much less rigorous than first grade and gives the kids a chance to sharpen their social skills within an environment that will not tax them academically. That said, first grade is a rigorous year where lots of learning takes place that is the foundation for future years. If the need is academic---they will greatly benefit from a double dose.

One reason to not wait, imo--is that if you send a child late and they are bored with the curriculum--it may encourage the child to establish bad habits regarding attention and performance--unless they happen to be driven. Of course this isn't a given--but just something to think about.

Kristi

[alinnell]

Neither of my kids are summer kids, but our school district has a birthday cut off of December 5 for kindergarten. The kids were born 4 years and 3 weeks apart, but due to their birthdays, they are 5 years apart in school. My DD was born Nov 29 and she started kindergarten at age 4. DD was born Dec 25 and he started kindergarten a few months before he turned 6.

When DD was in elementary school, she really excelled and was put in the gifted class by 2nd grade. She continues to do well (junior in high school!). DS never really seemed to be too much into school (I chalked it up to being a boy!). But, he too was placed in the gifted class in 2nd grade (but it was half-way through the year and we would have had to change schools, so I kept him out of that class until 3rd grade). He is now in 6th grade in middle school and is quite a good student.

What I heard all along was that it all evens out at about the 3rd grade. And boy are they right!!! DD was always the brightest in K, 1 and 2 and started slowing in 3rd. DS was less interested in K, 1 and 2 and once he hit 3rd grade, he really blossomed. All the teachers I've known have all said that regardless of what age they start school (4, 5 or 6) by the time they reach 3rd grade they're all on the same level.

[sneezles]

DS#1 has a Sept birthday but we were in Montessori and he moved with his class. He is quite intelligent but ended up being rather immature so we held him back in third grade (also switched schools).

DS#2 is a January birthday and always did well (very competitive child).

DS#3 is an April birthday, extremely intelligent but was also somewhat immature (while in grade school, certainly not an issue now). He was one of the youngest in his class and he hated it but it would have been even worse had I waited a year because he would get very bored with the curriculum as it was (while he was in traditional schools, wasn't a problem once we moved him back to Montessori).

Maturity is the key

[carmor]

My DS was born in July and the cut off is (I think) in August. We were also hesitant to send him in to Kindergarten "on time". The daycare that DS was attending at the time offered a private Kindergarten program, which we chose to enroll him in, then at the end of the year we were able to decide if we wanted to have him go through Kindergarten again at public school or on to first grade. DH, his teacher and I all agreed that he was ready for first grade and he is doing very well both socially and academically. It was nice to be able to do a trial run with Kindergarten to see how he would do.

[marteka]

I've been in educ for 13 or so years. In my experience I haven't noticed a difference among peers with summer birthdays. Once you go into late Sept/early Oct I really notice differences. DD#2 has an oct bday. She's under 2 so not an issue now, but going from teacher to parent has been a lot harder than I thought. Lots of times I take a deep breath and say they"ll only be kids once, I'll worry about harvard later =). Check the districts curriculum to see what's expected and refer to developmental checklist and good luck!

[MaryMac]

My son has a summer birthday and the cut-off here is Dec 1. However, when it was time for him to start school we were living in MA and their cut-off was much earlier. His pre-school there said if we were staying in MA, they would suggest not starting him. We were moving back to MI and decided that we would keep him home another year (at that time from public school). There were five boys in his class that didn't start on time, so he wasn't alone.
The best decision we have ever made! He is now in 10th grade and stuggled for years and although we knew he was bright, he seemed to have more difficulty as he was getting older. Last year he was diagnosed with a non-verbal learning disorder and the light bulb has now come on. He's doing great and is in a private school for gifted children. Had we started him when he was 5, we would still be kicking ourselves for making that decision. I'm very happy now that we waited!

My daughter missed the cut-off by a few days and we kept her home, too. She was very bright at the time, but we thought once you start school you've already started the long process of life.

I'm not sure if this helps you and I know this is such a huge decision, but you'll never regret sending him late as you don't know what's ahead in life.

Best wishes to you on this tough decision.

[vbak]

My son has a late July birthday and the cutoff was Sept. 1. We sent him and he was one of the youngest in his class. After parent conferences in Nov. we withdrew him from kindergarten. His teacher said that he was doing just fine for his age. I will never forget those words. After Christmas he went back to preschool for a semester. Three other moms of boys in that kinder class called me very upset because they were considering withdrawing their boys, too. There were 4 more who left at Christmas. He was 19 when he started college. I'm glad we did it, but I only wish we didn't send him in the first place. Oh, he'll be 33 this year!

[jmarie]

I wish we had waited....he was always the smallest kid in his class and we didn't know it until he was in the 8th. grade, but always picked on. He was a very angry kid and we never knew why.

Most of his friends come from the class below him. 1 year younger.

He told me recently that his only prayer while growing up was "God, please let me get taller than Dad."

My son is 6'2'' inches....got into one fight after high school with a guy who he went to school with...who maybe didn't realize that my son had his growth spurt the summer after graduating. The guy was calling him and harassing him on the phone, threatening him. Son had all he could take and told the boy to meet him. Took his friends so it would be a fair fight....He beat the tar out of that guy. He said he didn't want to fight, but felt that he had to do it because of all of the tauntings he received when he was younger or it would never be over... No one has called my son out, since.

But yeah...sure wish we would have waited the extra year. Son had a really hard time.

[lindrusso]

Hi there.

I'm short on time, so I haven't had a chance to read the other responses, so forgive any repetitions......

Are you unsure of yourself because of what everyone else is doing or because of how your kids are doing? Sounds like your 1st grader is doing fine. As for your 4th grader - if he's facing problems with ADHD, he may have struggled regardless of your decision to send him on time.

I am a firm believer in evaluating these situations case by case and do NOT believe in hard and fast rules that apply to all boys or girls.

I sent both of my summer birthday boys. Absolutely not one regret for the first one (now almost 13) - he excels academically and is very mature for his age - he was born mature. ;)

Academically and maturity-wise, no regrets for the second either (also a 4th grader). My only tiny regret is that he is so small, so I feel a little bad when it comes time to play sports. That said, I would NEVER hold my child back for sports. He's a great athlete and can easily keep up with the bigger kids, the problem comes when coaches tend to overlook him because of his size. But once he starts to prove himself, those issues usually resolve themselves.

I have known at least one parent who did send her child too early - and in this case it was a girl. I helped out in the KDG class and the little girl clearly struggled on the very basics. I think in her case, I would have waited.

I have also heard that kids can start out doing very well, but that a lag can show up later on. But who knows if that lag would show up later on regardless?

As I said earlier, your older son faces the challenges of ADHD and so he may have struggled no matter what - it may have nothing to do with your decision to send him early.

In any case - it's a tough decision. If you made what you felt was the best decision at the time, you did the right thing. It may not turn out the way you expected or planned, but there's just no way to know that - and there's no way of knowing if the difficulties they face are because of your decision anyway - so I hope you don't beat yourself up about it. Don't let what others decide for their children make you feel bad about your own decisions. Again, no matter what others may or may not have done doesn't mean you didn't make the best choice at the time. There's nothing you can do about what you decided - you can only do your best to help them NOW. :)

Best to you. It's hard to make these decisions with our kids!

I don't have time to go into it, but we just struggled with a similar decision again with our youngest and Little League. Not the same thing as making decisions about schooling, I know, but I'm doubting our decision at the moment and praying we didn't get him in over his head!!!! It's hard!

[kwormann]

I asked for many opinions before deciding to wait with DS. His birthday was one day after the cutoff, but it was common practice to have kids tested for "early entrance".

What I found was:
Parents who sent their kids early, generally wished they had waited.
Parents who waited were across the board glad that they did.
None of the teachers I talked to thought sending them early was a good idea.
Especially for BOYS!
(These results were strictly from my own personal poll, but there they are and I asked a LOT of people!)


As a former 1st grade teacher, I cant agree with this enough! With kinder not being required, the parents still have the final say if they are held back in kinder or if they go to 1st grade (at least in TX). I cant TELL you how many kids I taught (mostly boys but some girls too) who should have waited another year before going to kinder, but even more than that REALLY needed another year in kinder before they came to 1st (if they had been put into kinder too early). Parents get to make that final decision, so most of the kids moved on. They would barely pass 1st and 2nd, then have MAJOR issues in 3rd and 4th grades!!! It is so much harder on the kid to hold them back at that age (or have them fail) then in pre-k, kinder or 1st. ALSO, it is much easier for a parent to help the teacher challenge a child then it is to help the child catch up.

Just something to think about. Unfortunately, there is no hard or fast rule...

[jellyben]

Hi there.


Are you unsure of yourself because of what everyone else is doing or because of how your kids are doing? Sounds like your 1st grader is doing fine. As for your 4th grader - if he's facing problems with ADHD, he may have struggled regardless of your decision to send him on time.



I think this is the heart of the issue. My first grader is doing just fine, but when he ends up on a soccer team with kinders, I feel self conscious. And would my 4th grader suddenly sit down and study and focus and form great friendships if he was in 4th grade? Probably not, but I just have to wonder if I added another stressor to an already overwhelmed kid. At this point we aren't considering holding them back(I have actually read studies that say that repeating a grade is one of the strongest predictors of dropping out of high school).

Thanks for all the great feedback. I just have to be comfortable with the decision we made!

[boisewinesnob]

jellyben you are right and I know where you're coming from. Our older son who is now in HS didn't start kindergarten on time. He had hearing problems due to chronic ear infections which consequently delayed his speech. So when he was 5 he was just catching up on basic language abilities. He started kindergarten when he was 6 (he has a Feb birthday) and has done well academically and socially. But now he's 18 and a junior in HS. I get tired of people giving me funny looks or outright asking why he's not a senior. I know they are just probably curious, but frankly it's none of their business. Those decisions are up to the parents who should know what's best for their child. Then again, I can see where kwormann is coming from where the parents think little junior is a genius so why not start him a year early. But I think most parents have their child's best interests in mind.

[MrsReber]

DS will turn 5 in July and people keep asking me if I'm holding him back a year. I can't figure out why I'd hold him back?? He's going to be 5 and his birthday is well before the cutoff. I don't worry about him graduating at 17. My brother and sister both graduated at 16 and I was 17. Started college at 17 with absolutely no problems.

I actually liked being younger than others in my grade. It didn't bother me one bit. I was percieved as being smarter because I was younger- and that's always nice! But it wasn't an issue. I was 13 when I started HS. Kids will develop at different ages so I don't view that as an issue.

Each child is an individual. I wouldn't dream of holding my son back- he knows his letters, numbers, can almost tell time, understands very basic math concepts and is trying to read. It all depends on their individual level.

[Laura]

DD is a late August birthday and while she has done exceptionally well in HS she was behind a little in the early going.

DS is a early December birthday, and had he not missed the cutoff by 9 days I most definitely would have held him back. He was reading before his 4th birthday, but could not maintain focus to do the work. He has recently been diagnosed with ADD, but for him sending him to kindergarten when he was 4 would have been a HUGE mistake.

My nephew is a May birthday (although now a sophomore in college) and started late. He does not have ADD but he simply was not ready for school when he was eligible to go. He did very well in HS academically and athletically, so it was likely the right decision for him.

In terms of sports, almost all kids who play sports outside of school are going to be placed by their age (in some activities this does not apply figure skating and swimming are ones that I can think of off the top of my head) not the grade they are in at the time they sign up, so your child may not be playing with kids that are in his grade, but like Alysha, I don't think sports should drive the reason your child starts school. It really does depend on the readiness of the child, and by readiness I don't mean their ability to read or count, etc, but their ability to deal with process of learning.

[leightx]

Hmmm...I've dealt with this to some extent with both of my kids - Abigail (7) has a late July birthday, and Travis (6) has a late August birthday. I briefly considered holding them back, and actually Abby's preschool teacher mentioned that she thought it might help her socially, but in the end we decided to send both of them.

Abby did fine in kindergarten (both socially and academically) - she was very shy and reserved, but I'm not sure waiting would have helped any. 1st grade was very rocky for her - again, I don't know that it had anything to do with her social skills or level of maturity, but maybe. I can't fathom her doing work a year behind what she is doing now though - she has always breezed through her school work, and if she were a year I think she would be beyond bored to tears.

Travis was 4 when he started Kindergarten (just for a couple of weeks), and one of the smallest kids in the class. However, he was absolutely ready to go, both socially and academically. The only thing that he struggles with now is finishing all his work on time. He is just s...l...o...w about everything - he piddles around, and is also meticulous about things like coloring or making sure his letters look exactly right. It drives us all crazy - helping him study for a timed math test was just excruciating!! At my last conference with his teacher she said "Travis is just wonderful - if I had to say one thing that I'm a bit concerned with, it's that he reads too fast. Which is really funny, since that's the ONLY thing he does fast!" :o :D

[TKay]

I have a five-year-old who will be nearly six when he starts K in the fall. I was going to start him this year, but my preschool teacher encouraged me to wait. I am so grateful she did. He would have been one of the youngest kids in his class--if not on the calendar, at least emotionally. When my older ds was in K, you could tell which kids were held back and which were not. There was one boy in particular, who clearly couldn't play with the others. He was just not there developmentally.
I guess my point is that there's going to be a range of kids in each class and you have to know your own and where they fit in. If I'd sent mine young, he would have been behind. He can read, so he probably wouldn't have been behind scholastically, but he certainly wouldn't have been with the other kids in his maturity level. You know your kids best. As long as you are comfortable with your decision, that's all that matters.
Not sure I really added anything to the discussion that hasn't already been said, but that's my experience.

[lindrusso]

There is one consideration: puberty!!!! My DD is in middle school. Many of the girls (some are as much as 14 months older) are so much more developed and dating. Mine has no interest and looks very young.

Funny - my son - 12- is among the youngest in his class with a June birthday, but he's right up there with the rest of them in this department - his voice is changing, he's shooting up and thinning out, getting hair, etc. So, in my case, if I had held him back, he might be the only 6th grader with a mustache! :D

I don't think you can base your entire decision on "what ifs". Every child develops at a different rate - academically, socially and even physically - whether they are held back or not. Look at all the fall and winter birthday kids and see if they are all at the same level - no way. I don't think we can always automatically point to not holding a child back for their developmental differences - kids are different! Period!

And I agree with the Kristilyn that there can be repurcussions to holding them back - academic boredom and being with kids who are developmentally behind you. And not all school systems have much for the academically advanced. The last system we were in had a once a week thing for gifted students and then in middle school - nothing. Nothing! My oldest is pretty well advanced and I can't imagine if I had held him back. The school system we are in now seems to have a better system in place for advanced students......

I think the important thing is to carefully consider all aspects - social, academic and otherwise. Being smart isn't enough if the child is not ready socially and vice versa. As long as parents are holding back or not holding back for the right reasons, things can work out fine. But I do NOT believe that people should follow the supposed "rule of thumb", like all boys should be held back. That's just ridiculous - all kids are different and should be evaluated individually.

[BucknellAlum]

I agonize over this several times a year. My DD has a late august bday, and our cutoff is Sept 1.

Her preschool teachers urged me to not hold her back, she was tall for her age and seemed very ready, so we sent her on time.

My worries were not really about kindergarten and elementary school, it was thinking about when all her friends were driving and she was not, or she was not maturing physically when her friends were, etc.

I know this is a decision that should be made on a case by case basis, but unfortunately, so many kids are held "back" that the default level of kindergarten readiness is actually higher than designed.

So, while my DD may have hit all the readiness milestones, if the average age of kids starting kindergarten is closer to 6 than 5 (due to all the held back boys), then she is at the lower end of the ACTUAL readiness of the class. Am I explaining that right? It is like there is an artificial cut off in some aspects.

Every boy I know with a July/Aug birthday was held. As a result, my DD is in class with boys that are 13 months older than her. And yes, those parents don't regret it, as those kids generally do well academically and I probably would have done the same thing.

DD is doing more than fine in school academically; I do see her as a little younger than her peers in that she preferred playing with dolls longer, or hasn't advanced as fast as they have in pop culture things (but maybe that is by me trying to slow down that part of growing up !)

I am really wondering what it will be like when she matures later than her friends (I was a late bloomer) or when she is ready to date and she is 15 and the boys are 17! :eek:

[Beth]

We started both of our boys "on time" with birthdays at the end of June and end of July. We had a private school tell us they would not accept our son in his current grade because he was a summer birthday. He's taking courses one and two years ahead of his level. He's also tall, so people who don't' know him generally think he's at least a year or two older. I'm glad we didn't hold him back, but I'm also glad we haven't put him ahead. It has been the right thing for his younger brother too.

There may not be any "perfect" fit. Growing up is an imperfect process. All kids are going to have challneges as they grow up -- you just have to be honest with yourself and do the best you can for their needs.

[tbb113]

I sent both of my kids to school on time (May 23 and July 31) with no regrets. Sports here (little league, etc) are based on age and cutoff was Aug 1 so younger son just made it. One year we did pull him back to play with the kids 1 year younger then him since he wasn't doing well and he didn't mind at all. They are in HS now (senior and freshman) and both do just fine.

It depends on the maturity of the child. If they are ready for school, send them. If they aren't ready hold them back. If you aren't sure, hold them back since repeating a grade can be harmful to their self-esteem, etc.

[kwormann]

It depends on the maturity of the child. If they are ready for school, send them. If they aren't ready hold them back. If you aren't sure, hold them back since repeating a grade can be harmful to their self-esteem, etc.

This says it perfectly! Make sure "ready" includes maturity level not just intellect. :)

[barbara-cook]

I''m still kind of torn on this subject. My son is 15 now and a sophormore in HS. He has a late November birthday and the cut off date here is Dec. 1st. So he was still only 4 when he got to kindegarten. He was in day care after 18 months and was very well "socialized". When he was in pre-school, the Director of the day care said that we was very ready for kindegarten. Then the day-care started an "all-day" kindegarten program. The original class was 5 kids, so I figured he would get lots of attention (which he did). The teacher was certified and had to follow the public school curriculum, so there didn't seem to be a problem. By the end of the year he could read simple words and do simple math problems.

First grade came and he was tested for his "skills" and came up short in the reading department. He was put into a reading program and was in it for three years and did well. Just to make sure I had him tutored in reading for two or three summers. Then the fourth grade "testing" came along and his math was suffering. I was told that he would get extra in-class help (or AIS as they call it). His grades in everything but math have been good to very good since then. But even now with extra help from his 10th grade math teacher he is just getting by.

So - if I had to do it over again, would I have waited a year to send him to school? Probably not. He was ready. And because he has always been tall for his age (usually about a head taller than the other kids), everyone thought he was older than he was. I know that's a silly reason, but I was always tall for my age and sticking out like a sore thumb is not fun for anyone and can do lots of harm, if you ask me.

I think the only thing I would do differently, would be to have gotten him more math help earlier.

So if your kid is ready - send them. And then make sure they get the help they need if they need it. I blame myself for not checking into the AIS help he was supposedly getting (but he says no one really worked with him during middle school). I would've made more noise to make sure that was happening instead of being content with the 70 to 75's he was getting on his report card.

Best of luck!

[clairea]

I sent mine on time, and then we wound up having him repeat kindergarten. We had a lot of the issues people have mentioned (bright kid, tall, experience in daycare so he was used to the structure and time away from mom) so the universal advice was to go ahead and send him on. He did fine (quite well, actually) academically the first year, and did not have any behavior problems. However, I could tell he was just not a happy kid, and his teacher felt the same way, and we discussed whether to hold him back. My one concern was one that has been raised here -- would a bright child like him be bored if they were held back? I am eternally grateful for the wisdom of that very experienced teacher, who told me "bright kids are never bored if you give them resources." DS would be gifted whether we had kept him in the "right grade", held him back a year, or even had him skip a grade or two(which has also been suggested to us). IMO, though, the academics are only part of the school experience, and I want him to enjoy life, learn to be around kids his age, and not always feel pressured to do more just because he is bright. We do work with the school (and outside of school) to provide academic work that challenges him, and to ensure that he has resources to explore on his own when he completes his schoolwork more quickly than others or it is not particularly challenging. DS is very intellectually curious, so as long as we provide the resources and opportunity he will be learning, and I think that was exactly the kindergarten teacher's point. However, I feel like I took the opportunity (which you don't have often) to do something simply to help give my child a happier life, and that is important too.