Question for twins or parents of twins

[SDMomChef]

I have always done a joint birthday party for my TDS. Their birthday isn't until December, but they each want to do different things for their birthday parties. The thought of doing two parties makes me exhausted, but it does seem like it would be fair for them to each have their own party since they are individuals. What did your parents do for your birthday parties, or what do you do for birthday parties for your kids?

[PAMMELA]

How old are they? I'm a twin and we always had joint parties (but we wanted to). As we got older and grew into our own separate personalities, we wanted to do separate things. I say if they want separate parties, they should have separate parties (if they weren't twins, that'd be the case anyway). :)

[wallycat]

We always got joint everything (I am a fraternal twin).
I don't know if boys are different from girls or how different identical are from fraternal so this is just my 2cents.

I adored my sister and wanted to be EXACTLY like her and do everything she did (even though she was only 10 minutes older :p ). She, on the other hand, wanted to be separate and though she loved me, wanted her own stuff.

I think, for myself and my sister, the biggest disservice my father did was to treat us VERY equal in everything, even punishments that were not deserved.

I can list you the host of personal issues that brought to my adult life, but from the standpoint of the kids getting older and dealing with "fairness"...it is (and take this from someone who raised no kids) important to give them each a sense of identity and make them feel that each is responsible for their own actions/benefits/etc. and that just because they are twins does not mean they are carbon copies in personality and life (just genes :D ).

Good luck.

[Hammster]

Our twin sons always got one party. Even though they are different, they also had common likes. And the party would be structured around that. For instance, miniature golf or an amusement park or video arcade. The gifts would definitely be recipient specific, but not the party itself.

ETA: Wallycat you raise some good points. Our boys were always treated as individuals. We rarely, if ever, dressed them alike. (How I hate that with twins) And punishment was only for the offender. They are indeed individuals and need to be treated as such.

[SDMomChef]

They will be turning 9, and for the most part, they have the same interests and the same friends. But, Andrew really wants to have a tubing party and Mark really wants to have a bowling party. So, I guess I am leaning towards just letting them do that.

Wallycat - I'd be interested in hearing more about what issues you've had to face with how your dad treated you and your sister growing up. I am struggling with the "fairness" issue. For example, last night, Mark asked me to read a book to him, which I did right before bed. Andrew then decided that he wanted me to read a book to him, but it was bedtime, and I got an earful of "that's not fair - you read a book to Mark." I took the line of not everything is equal all the time, and Mark asked me to read a book before bed, and you waited until bed time and I told him I would read him a book tonight. This is just one of the many "fairness" issues we are addressing. I haven't really found any parenting books for twins that are older - there are some for infants/toddlers, so I appreciate any insight you can give me about what you liked or disliked about what your parents did. I know - it is a little hijack of my thread!

[leightx]

I'll continue your hijack! ;)

Really, the fairness issues you're dealing with are common among all siblings, not just twins. My two are pretty close in age, and can either be each other's best friend or worst enemy. :rolleyes:

I love the book Siblings Without Rivalry (http://www.amazon.com/Siblings-Without-Rivalry-Children-Together/dp/0380799006/ref=pd_bbs_2/102-2915152-4924936?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1176915102&sr=8-2) - it addresses topics that I had never even thought of, and I was embarrassed to see what I was doing "wrong". Don't take that the wrong way though - it's not preachy at all. The book is full of ideas for helping parents understand (and cope with) sibling relationships.