No response to child's party invitations???

[MrsReber]

Help!! DD's party is next Sunday, the 20th. I sent out 13 or 14 invitations. I got ONE response. So, as far as I know, I have one guest coming to the party.

I sent the invitations with my home number, cell phone number, and email address.

So here's my question- I have the email addresses of most of the parents. Is it obnoxious to send email reminders to them to let them know I have no idea if they're coming or not??

I really feel bad for DD- she's been so excited about this party and now we only have us and 1 friend?? I go through this every year, it seems. Last year she was in daycare and I was able to put reminders in the folders of the other kids. But she's in kindergarten now and they're not even allowed to hand out invitations at school. Help!!!

[ChristineVA]

So here's my question- I have the email addresses of most of the parents. Is it obnoxious to send email reminders to them to let them know I have no idea if they're coming or not??



No, a reminder is not obnoxious. Did you put a RSVP "no later than" date? Sometimes that helps. If you didn't people will wait until the last minute.

I have found that what works best for us to only send the invite out about a week before the party. It goes against EVERYTHING that I am about but if you send them out too soon, people tuck them away and forget about them.

I would wait until Monday evening or so, then send out your reminder. Say that you are doing a final head count on the party and you need to know who is coming by Wednesday or something like that.

[clairea]

Susan, maybe it is an Appalachian thing -- I posted a thread about this very same problem in March! I called the parents, and just said I wanted to make sure they had received the invitations (I knew they had, since the children had already told DD they had the invitations, but somehow it seemed less pushy that way). I was still surprised at the responses I received when I did that.

Three people said they had the invitation and were coming, and seemed very surprised that I was calling to follow up. That was shocking to me -- the few times I have had to call people in the past (or even forgotten to respond promptly and been called myself:o ) the person has always been extremely apologetic -- here there didn't seem to be any acknowledgment that a reply was appropriate. One had the invitation and wasn't coming -- same kind of response as the others. I left messages for several, but never got a call back from any of them. The most shocking thing to me was the two people who said they didn't know if they could come or not so they would just see that night -- no asking if that would be okay or anything.

I would absolutely try to follow up, and I think you can phrase it so you don't seem like you are being pushy or criticizing them for not responding (just come here and do that:p ).

[MrsReber]

Thanks- it's a bit touchy for me since we haven't been here that long. I was wondering if it was different around here? But then I had the same problem in NJ, too.

I mailed them out about 2 1/2 weeks before the party. Thanks for the responses. I'll delicately word my message to the parents. I'd be thrilled if I had five girls come to party. I don't need a huge party, but DD really wants to have her friends from school there.

The woman who owns the farm where we're having the party asked me "do you think they know what RSVP means?" This lady is very old fashioned and very deserving of respect. She doesn't understand people today. Sometimes I don't, either!

But really, I need to know how much pizza to buy and how big the cake should be, though leftover cake is rarely a problem! I don't know if I should go with the 1/4 or 1/2 sheet cake. We'll have at least 6 adults and three kids! I know a few of the family members from the farm will be there. We'll just make the best of it, however many people we have.

[Curiosity Hears]

Personally I would send the email. Last night was DD's 13th birthday party/sleep over and of the seven invites the only one that did rsvp said she wasn't coming but then she showed up anyway! :rolleyes:

RSVPing is easy and only takes but a minute. Why on earth 99% of the population doesn't seem to oblige this request is beyond me.

[sdcook]

We had Ds's 6th birthday party today. I sent out the invites a little less than 2 weeks ago. I heard nothing (other than what DS told me the kids had said to him) until 2 days before the party. Three called to say yes, 1 said no, 3 I didn't hear from and 1 of those showed up. I really didn't mind much since we were having it at home, but I've emailed parents when we were doing parties at another location.

[leightx]

As much as I like creating our own invitations, for the kids' birthdays last year I just called the people we wanted to invite and asked them over the phone. No RSVPs needed, instant feedback, and absolutely free! ;) I know it's tacky, but I certainly got a better response that way. We only invited a 5 or 6 kids to each party, and I was worried people might be on vacation (summer birthdays), so I framed it that way: "We were planning on having Abby's party July 21st, and just wanted to see if Madison was going to be in town and would be able to come."

[stefania4]

By all means make a friendly phone call, since your daughter would love to see X there.

How did we come to this place of people not knowing the basics of responding to an invitation? Ask for an RSVP and end up calling anyway; invite Bill and Sue, and they call to ask if you really, truly forgot to invite their kids because they can't imagine going to an event without them; the invitation says "barbecue" and someone calls and tells you they're vegetarian, lactose intolerant, kosher, and doing the South Beach diet so please be sure to have something they can eat. Sigh....

[beckms]

I feel your pain. The RSVP date for our wedding is this coming Tuesday...so far there are 76 people who have not RSVP'd yet! Somehow I don't think ALL of their cards are going to show up on Monday and Tuesday...I fully plan on emailing or calling people a few days after the RSVP date has gone by. Wedding or birthday party, you need to know how much food to have!

I hope you have fun at the party,I'm sure it will turn out to be a great time. :cool:

[Beth Y]

For the twins party I had a very strict limit of numbers, so I really needed to know how many were coming (had overinvited by 1). At daycare drop off I asked one Mom casually and found out that she never got the invitation and was really upset that they had already made plans, etc. ) But that opened me up to call the other non-responders and say "Oh, I am just checking cause X didn't get her invite and wanted to make sure you got yours". You could use this line when you email!

[cookinprogress]

I don't think it would be obnoxious at all. I have never understood why it is so hard for people to RSVP? I always think twice before inviting someone again if they can't be courteous enough to RSVP.

[DebGo]

susan i would definitely CALL NOT email. with email you could still be left in the dark whether or not someone is coming (maybe you will be lucky enough for all the social buffoons to respond to your email -- but given the circumstances i highly doubt you'd be able to count on that! :rolleyes: )

anyway a phone call gives you the "power" and doesn't leave you once again, at the RSVPer's mercy. ;)

[Kristilyn1]

Even though THEY are being rude, you will probably be doing them a big favor by emailing them and taking one more thing off their plate.

I don't mean to hijack this thread, but I had a kind of unique RSVP thing recently and I was at a loss how to handle it.

DS is in second grade. He got an invite from X to his birthday party. DS came home and told me that he got invited to the party because, in his words, "the other Daniel said he didn't want to go, so X gave the invitation to me". Luckily, he was completely clueless that he certainly could have chosen to feel a little hurt at the second hand invitation. BUT, it left me at a loss as to how to RSVP. I had no idea if the parents knew what had happened and I certainly did NOT want to put them on the spot with some weird "oh, I know this isn't the Daniel you THOUGHT was coming, but yes, my Daniel will be there". Or, "In case you are wondering why I'm RSVP'ing for a different Daniel, it's because your child gave out the invitation when his first choice couldn't make it". I hemmed and hawed until the day before the party and at the advice of a friend, just wrote a quick note that said, "sorry, Daniel can't make the party, we have plans" and just signed it with my first name. It didn't feel right, but I wasn't sure what to do. Any ideas on what I should have done? I will add, that I don't encourage DS to play with this boy, because he has very poor judgement and difficulty controlling his impulses...ex. a couple weeks ago he decided to throw big rocks at my older son---"just because". He wasn't mad or anything, it just seemed like a good idea at the time. He also tends to get very jacked up in social situations and I would be uncomfortable dropping him off at this boy's house anyway.

Kristi

[RecipeGirl]

OMG- you've hit on my biggest pet peeve- no RSVP-ing!! (That one and not bringing hostess gifts for parties as well as sending thank you's for having been invited to a dinner). Back to b-days... YES- send out the email. Most likely you'll get instant response. My son is now 6 and I've found that every birthday it's the same thing... send a cute invitation and no response. It's embarassing to have to go seeking for responses. I've even sent out intimate dinner party invites with no response. And here I thought it was a casual Southern California thing. I guess it's nation-wide, huh?

My son's bday party is in two weeks. About 6 weeks ago, I sent out a "save the date" email to the mom's of the kids who were being invited (they're all good friends so it wasn't awkward). The party is on Memorial Day weekend, and I needed to know if there were some who would absolutely not be able to make it because of traveling that weekend. I got response from a few. I then sent out the invites, and haven't heard back from the same people who didn't respond to my email. What now?!! Send another email or call, I guess. You would think that they would be terribly embarrassed! The funny thing is that I sent a little note w/ the invitation explaining that the venue that is hosting the party is very limited in terms of the number of kids who could be invited and that I needed RSVP's from everyone as soon as possible. Still no response from some!!!

Last year there was a family that did not RSVP to our party. They ended up showing up at the party AND bringing the sibling who was not invited. The sibling took a party favor too and I ended up being short on party favors.

I went to a party last weekend and this SAME family had not RSVP'd to this party that I attended. The mom who hosted the party did not have party favors for her kids as they had not RSVP'd. I actually felt a little guilty happiness there- maybe that Mom learned something??

Good luck with getting those RSVP's, and have a great party :)

[beckms]

I actually felt a little guilty happiness there...

Heh. Sometimes a little guilty happiness is a satisfying indulgence...:cool:

[MrsReber]

Kristi, wow that is really awkward! Although your response didn't feel right, it sounds as though it worked out okay.

Beckms-- I had the same problem with my wedding invitations. DH has a huge family and hardly any of them responded. They just figured we'd "know" if they were coming and which of their children would be there. Yeah, sure, no problem. He had to yell at them all.

Well, I'm going to send a reminder and maybe then I'll call. Since one invitation came back on Friday, there may be a couple others that didn't get there. Who knows. I am using the address list that the teacher provided.

I agree, what is wrong with people? I think we have 2 guests now- DD's friend 2 houses away said she'd like to come, too. I just need a few more!

[Cookin4Love]

You probably will have more. When DD had DGD's 8th birthday party last September, only 3 kids RSVP'd. Eighteen kids showed up. People just don't practice etiquette.

[stefania4]

As frustrating as it is, I'm not hurt by a failure to RSVP the way I am by the "we'd love to! Let me just make sure we don't have an invitation to another party first" that I encountered a few years ago.

I was hosting Thanksgiving dinner and invited a teammate and her husband. She said they'd be happy to come, as long as their other friends weren't hosting a dinner, in which case they'd go to that and if not, then they would grace my b-list event with their presence. If it weren't also rude to retract an invitation.... :mad:

Oh, and of the 10ish people who said they were coming only 3 showed up. I had a 20-pound turkey.