Advice on bonding with a baby girl?

[LiaHuber]

My husband and I are just a few weeks away from bringing our seven month old daughter (we're adopting), Noemi, home from Guatemala and I'd love any advice on what kinds of things she'll enjoy at that age . . . toys, food, songs, games. I'm a first-time mom and feel like I'm jumping into the great unknown -- and I guess I am! Help! :o

[Robyn1007]

First, congratulations, I can only imagine how excited you must be!

I am no baby expert so I'm not going to offer a lot of advice there but there is a new mom's thread over on the healthy living board that may be of great assistance. I know we have a number of mom's here who have adopted children both in the US and abroad.

[RunnerKim]

Congratulations!!!

You should drop Helene (username HRJ) a PM. I know she's out of town for the long weekend so may not see your post. Her son is from Gautamala, although I think he was older when he joined her family. She posts regularly on the PreK/K thread.

Definitely check out the New Moms thread if you haven't already.

Kim

[ljt2r]

Congratulations!

I have never adopted, so I can't pretend to know what it is like to bond starting at 7 mos, but I do have 2 girls, aged 23 mos and 7 mos, so I can offer you a little advice. Follow their lead--by that I mean offer up all the toys, books, activity centers, etc., but don't be surprised if some things that other people have recommended don't work and some do. My eldest was a very still baby--at 7 mos, she was very happy to sit beside you on the couch and just look at her toys or maybe books (can't quite remember when she started getting in to books). She was pretty tuned in to what you were doing. My youngest, who is 7 mos now, is an absolute pistol with a strong opinion both on WHAT she wants to be playing with and WHERE and HOW--she is extremely active and requires semi frequent changes of scenery. She loves small softish plastic toys to chew on (she regularly steals her older sister's Little People animal figurines) and will roll from one side of the room to other to get one--I don't think Alex had quite rolled over at this point, let alone used it as a means of locomotion. So yes, babies are as different as you hear. :D They did both love activity centers at 7 mos, so I would get one so they can see the world.

As far as true bonding, I don't see how you couldn't bond with any healthy baby if you tell her you love her and hug her and hold her every day--respond to her facial cues and talk to her. It may take longer since you are just meeting her now, but most 7 mos olds eventually warm up to people, no matter how shy they are. They haven't hit the serious stranger anxiety phase yet (in my experience anyway--right after I tell you how different babies are :rolleyes:).

There that was my 2 cent soapbox. Good luck--not that you will need it--and congrats again. Having my girls (and meeting DH of course ;)) are the best things that have ever happened to me.

Laura

[LiaHuber]

First, congratulations, I can only imagine how excited you must be!

I am no baby expert so I'm not going to offer a lot of advice there but there is a new mom's thread over on the healthy living board that may be of great assistance. I know we have a number of mom's here who have adopted children both in the US and abroad.

I'll check it out!

[LiaHuber]

Congratulations!!!

You should drop Helene (username HRJ) a PM. I know she's out of town for the long weekend so may not see your post. Her son is from Gautamala, although I think he was older when he joined her family. She posts regularly on the PreK/K thread.

Definitely check out the New Moms thread if you haven't already.

Kim

Thanks Kim! I'm somewhat new to this virtual world (I'm so used to functioning in the print world, if you know what I mean) and am still learning where things are. So thanks for steering me to the right place!

[LiaHuber]

Congratulations!!!

You should drop Helene (username HRJ) a PM. I know she's out of town for the long weekend so may not see your post. Her son is from Gautamala, although I think he was older when he joined her family. She posts regularly on the PreK/K thread.

Definitely check out the New Moms thread if you haven't already.

Kim

And just to show you what a 'new mom' I am (I'm embarassed to admit this) . . . I actually looked at the 'PreK/K' Title and had no idea what the terms stood for. Oh boy am I in for an education . . . :o

[LakeMartinGal]

And just to show you what a 'new mom' I am (I'm embarassed to admit this) . . . I actually looked at the 'PreK/K' Title and had no idea what the terms stood for. Oh boy am I in for an education . . . :oYou sure are! And what fun (mostly... probably not the teen years, though:p ) it will be! My DDs are 29 and 31 and I have no idea what they were doing at 7 months! One wasn't talking, yet, I remember, but she made up for it in later years. The other always wanted to be read to... mostly, cuddling and talking is VERY important; that's how children learn the names of things and grammar and new words...

[LiaHuber]

Congratulations!

I have never adopted, so I can't pretend to know what it is like to bond starting at 7 mos, but I do have 2 girls, aged 23 mos and 7 mos, so I can offer you a little advice. Follow their lead--by that I mean offer up all the toys, books, activity centers, etc., but don't be surprised if some things that other people have recommended don't work and some do. My eldest was a very still baby--at 7 mos, she was very happy to sit beside you on the couch and just look at her toys or maybe books (can't quite remember when she started getting in to books). She was pretty tuned in to what you were doing. My youngest, who is 7 mos now, is an absolute pistol with a strong opinion both on WHAT she wants to be playing with and WHERE and HOW--she is extremely active and requires semi frequent changes of scenery. She loves small softish plastic toys to chew on (she regularly steals her older sister's Little People animal figurines) and will roll from one side of the room to other to get one--I don't think Alex had quite rolled over at this point, let alone used it as a means of locomotion. So yes, babies are as different as you hear. :D They did both love activity centers at 7 mos, so I would get one so they can see the world.

As far as true bonding, I don't see how you couldn't bond with any healthy baby if you tell her you love her and hug her and hold her every day--respond to her facial cues and talk to her. It may take longer since you are just meeting her now, but most 7 mos olds eventually warm up to people, no matter how shy they are. They haven't hit the serious stranger anxiety phase yet (in my experience anyway--right after I tell you how different babies are :rolleyes:).

There that was my 2 cent soapbox. Good luck--not that you will need it--and congrats again. Having my girls (and meeting DH of course ;)) are the best things that have ever happened to me.

Laura

Thank you Laura . . . this is terrific advice. We actually had the opportunity to meet Noe in Guatemala when she was 3-1/2 months and got to spend four glorious days with just the three of us, so we have a taste of what her personality is like -- she sounds like a total mix of your two girls. She's content and joyful and curious for long periods of time . . . until she isn't. ;) And then she's very particular about what she wants :) . It's just adorable. I can't wait to be with her again!

I'm so curious as to how she may have changed, and am comforted by what you said about it being too early for stranger anxiety. That was a big concern of mine -- that, even though she's met us and knows us, she'd see us as strangers. I'm hoping that's not the case, or if it is, it won't be for long. And it sounds like we should just pack a variety of 'stuff' and let her choose what interests her (that's another concern of mine -- that we'll unwittingly impose ourselves on her too much). Also like the advice on the activity center -- thanks!

[LiaHuber]

You sure are! And what fun (mostly... probably not the teen years, though:p ) it will be! My DDs are 29 and 31 and I have no idea what they were doing at 7 months! One wasn't talking, yet, I remember, but she made up for it in later years. The other always wanted to be read to... mostly, cuddling and talking is VERY important; that's how children learn the names of things and grammar and new words...


. . . I'm very proficient at both cuddling and talking ;) . Glad to hear I have SOME developed mommy skills!

By the way, Kay, I'm already looking forward to using your recipe card system with Noe! :)

[misskitty100]

My husband and I are just a few weeks away from bringing our seven month old daughter (we're adopting), Noemi, home from Guatemala and I'd love any advice on what kinds of things she'll enjoy at that age . . . toys, food, songs, games. I'm a first-time mom and feel like I'm jumping into the great unknown -- and I guess I am! Help! :o

Congratulations!!

Food for a 7 month old might be rice cereal, baby oatmeal or baby multigrain cereal. Probably just a tablespoon or two in the beginning mixed with water or formula. (I always used water because our water has fluoride). Then, after a few days you can add a fruit or veggie. I think I started with sweet potatoes or squash. Carrots, pears, applesauce and other things like that are great too. Eventually you can move onto things like Cheerios and Gerber snacks (they have fruit & veggie puffs which my DD liked). Pirates Booty will become a staple at your house too, most likely. Shredded cheese is a good snack for an older infant too. This is just general baby food recomendations and I am sure it all will depend on what your DD is eating now too.

As for songs, the Wheels on the Bus is a good one! Oh boy, we used that song every time the kids got upset in the car and it usually worked to calm them down.

As for toys, I would recomend Leap Frog stuff in general. The Leap Frog Learn and Groove table is the BEST and pretty much all of my friends have one for their kids.


Have you thought about joining a Gymboree class once your DD is home and settled? That is a great place to engage your child, learn songs and games and just have fun. It isn't cheap though, I think the classes cost around $12 - $15 each but they do pack a lot into them and you take away a lot that you can do at home.

[DanaSD]

Have you thought about joining a Gymboree class once your DD is home and settled? That is a great place to engage your child, learn songs and games and just have fun. It isn't cheap though, I think the classes cost around $12 - $15 each but they do pack a lot into them and you take away a lot that you can do at home.

I second this idea! I started my son in Gymboree at 8 weeks I think and I felt like it helped to teach me how to play with my son - as a new mom I felt clueless.

[misskitty100]

I second this idea! I started my son in Gymboree at 8 weeks I think and I felt like it helped to teach me how to play with my son - as a new mom I felt clueless.

Just wanted to elaborate a bit more on the Gymboree class. I remember my first class and I was sooo shocked to see parents laying on the floor at the eye level of their babies. The class is all about the kids and not about being a grown up at all - it helped me as a new mom too!

[Blissful_in_TX]

Congrats!! We are a few weeks away from traveling to pick up our baby girl in Vietnam ourselves! She should be around 6 months at the time.

As far as attachment/bonding, this site has a lot of great information:

http://www.attach-china.org/

On the left hand side is a link that says “Attachment Activities”, and that is a good place to start.

Some other key points:

- Children who have experienced trauma need to be held in arms or a carrier facing the parent for many hours/day, not placed in strollers, Pack-n-plays, or play yards.
- Co-sleeping is not a "bad-habit-forming" parenting choice….however some babies will not want to co-sleep and would rather be in a crib. So just take their lead!
- Children who have had broken attachment may need to continue to be given a bottle (even if just at bedtime) much longer than pediatricians might suggest.
- Children who struggle with attachment need to be disciplined very differently from those who do not. ("time-in" instead of "time-out," Holding Time)
- Important to maintain the infant’s routine as much as possible. Feeding: continue to feed the baby with something close to the food she’s been used to and make changes slowly, perhaps mixing the baby’s old formula with the new.

And I stole this from somebody else, but I think it is important:
“How the general public might look at some of the things we do with our kids--co-sleeping, responding to every cry, keeping them on a bottle longer than "normal," carrying them when they can walk, feeding them when they can feed themselves, cuddling them when they tantrum--and say, "You're spoiling that child." The speaker then used this analogy: Every time our children went through a cycle of unmet need, every time they expressed a need that was either not met or met inadequately, it was like a stone was added to a pile. By the time they come to us, they have this huge pile of stones (unmet needs) weighing them down. Each time we meet one of their needs, it's like we grab one of those stones from their pile and hurl it away. Until we reach the bottom of that pile of stones, "spoiling" our children is the very LAST thing we need to worry about.”

[Blissful_in_TX]

One more thing, if you are looking for age-specific type information, ivillage has "play groups" message boards that you could join, and they may be a good source of what type of activities that particular age group is enjoying. Just as an example, here is the link to the November 2006 group:

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-prplaynov06n

But every month should have one. Even though my bio son is only 3yo, I honestly don't remember exactly what he was doing at 6 months, so I'll need a refresher myself!

[ljt2r]

Thank you Laura . . . this is terrific advice. We actually had the opportunity to meet Noe in Guatemala when she was 3-1/2 months and got to spend four glorious days with just the three of us, so we have a taste of what her personality is like -- she sounds like a total mix of your two girls. She's content and joyful and curious for long periods of time . . . until she isn't. ;) And then she's very particular about what she wants :) . It's just adorable. I can't wait to be with her again!

I'm so curious as to how she may have changed, and am comforted by what you said about it being too early for stranger anxiety. That was a big concern of mine -- that, even though she's met us and knows us, she'd see us as strangers. I'm hoping that's not the case, or if it is, it won't be for long. And it sounds like we should just pack a variety of 'stuff' and let her choose what interests her (that's another concern of mine -- that we'll unwittingly impose ourselves on her too much). Also like the advice on the activity center -- thanks!

Chances are she will see you as a stranger--but it doesn't mean she will be anxious about it or that the anxiety will last long. True stranger anxiety doesn't go away quickly--but as I say, 7 mos is awfully early for that. I watched my kids "re-bond with and re-meet" my parents and ILs every single time they saw them for the first 12-18 mos (which obviously won't happen to you since you won't be leaving her again), but they were not scared of them or anything. I only say this bc I was worried you were thinking she would actually recognize you--I don't think a 7 mos old baby recognizes anyone they don't see every day. Maybe others have had different experiences?

But otherwise I think you sound totally prepared. The advice here has been good as well. BTW, be sure to find out exactly what foods the orphanage has fed her--how "advanced" (for lack of a better word, although it has positive connotations that are not appropriate) a baby is at this point can wildly differ. Alex had been eating almost whatever we ate, put through a blender, by 7 mos. Sam, my younger, is only just starting to--she's about 1 month behind where Alex was at her age. And then some people are only just starting solids at this point. And pediatricians can differ pretty strongly on these issues. So you will want to know which solids she has eaten, so you can cross them off the allergy list, and find out where YOUR pediatrician wants you to start with her.

Hearing how excited you are makes me so excited for you! Be sure to check in after you get her and tell us all about it! :D

Laura

[kcmo727]

Hi Lia,

Congratulations on your new daughter! Both my girls are adopted from Russia -- we adopted them several years apart but the youngest one, adopted at 14 months, was very tiny for her age and she loved being held. ALL THE TIME. This product was a big lifesaver for me:

http://thehiphuggeronline.stores.yahoo.net/testimonials.html

It is a baby sling but is supposed to be more comfortable than most, and is geared towards babies/toddlers rather than infants.

You have gotten lots of great advice here and I think you will find that taking care of her will come to you more naturally than you think. I was very nervous before we travelled for our first daughter, thinking that I wouldn't know what to do. You will get to know her personality very quickly, her moods, her different cries and what they mean. Sounds like Noemi has a very sweet personality -- cute name!

Congratulations once again! Safe journey!

[mst]

Lia- Congrats! I would also suggest "reading up"- so, in addition to reading the New Moms thread, you might want to read the scooters and/or wobblers. It is interesting to hear what is ahead for you.

The best advice that I can give, is to try your hardest to not compare your daughter to others.

There are a number of us on the board who are "babywearers" (we usually choose to hold our babies instead of strollers, and just try to hold them more in general.) A great website to check out is www.thebabywearer.com. Someone else mentioned attachment parenting- which has babywearing as a philosophy, and I know someone else mentioned a hipcarrier. My DD is 18 months, and still LOVES to be worn. She strongly prefers it to a stroller. Anyway, I know that there is a huge following of adoptive parents who like to wear their babies to help them bond, and help the babies feel secure. I would suggest checking into it. I also love wearing DD because I can spend time doing things, but am still wearing her- so she feels like she is getting attention from me.

Enjoy!

[Kristena]

My friend has adopted 4 kids locally (Sonoma County) and the most important thing she feels she did was to "wear" the baby for the first few weeks--and never left them with anyone else. She would wear the babyBjorn thing over using a stroller etc. And, yes, respond to every need right away. Focus on the baby for the first few weeks.

You're in for a great ride!

Congrats!

[DebGo]

wanted to send you congrats on your new daughter! adopted or not, i think all new parents worry they won't "know what to do" -- but, i was just explaining to my dear sister that you do what your heart tells you -- especially at the beginning (until they can talk sassy, learn to test your patience, etc. ;) )

as an adoptive mom (x 2 but domestically) i have no better advice to offer then what has been given. blissful has some terrific comments and all i can add is there will be some people that agree/support your parenting style and other's who will disagree with your choices. most who disagree will be ignorant about caring for an adoptive child. i know when DD was first born we did the co-sleeping. it was perfect for DH & i -- but others (like my mother :rolleyes: couldn't understand it). just stand your ground and follow your heart. you won't go wrong!



Each time we meet one of their needs, it's like we grab one of those stones from their pile and hurl it away. Until we reach the bottom of that pile of stones, "spoiling" our children is the very LAST thing we need to worry about.”

hurling those stones away 1 by 1 will be the BEST feeling! enjoy each and every throw (as well as minute with your new daughter!)

[HRJ]

Congratulations!!! :) Wishing the three of you a lifetime of happiness!

As Kim mentioned, my DH and I adopted our DS from Guatemala. He was 24 months when he came home to us (he is now almost 6!), so I don't know a lot about baby stuff. We're about to take off for the long weekend, but I wanted to reply, so here are a few thoughts -- and you've gotten some really good advice already.

- About attachment and bonding -- yes, lots of physical closeness and emotional availavailability. Does your agency offer any kind of adoptive child-care classes? We had to take a series of preparing-for-parenting classes as part of our homestudy process (a requirement of our agency, even though it was not required by our state), and, although I resented it at the time (after all, bio parents don't have to take classes!), it was helpful, particularly in understanding about the dynamics of attachment. One thing our class stressed was about *not* doing any sort of cry-it-out or Ferber-based techniques for adoptive kids -- at least not until they are older and very well-bonded.

- There are also a lot of books out there that cover the subject -- I can give you some recommendations later, if you'd like. There is a really huge book on the subject that came out a few years ago (I think it's called something like "Attachment in Adoption?" by Deborah something-or-other?) -- I bought it, but I wouldn't advise that one unless you're having real difficulties -- it's just too much. Any of the general adoption-parenting books are pretty good, if you're the type to do a lot of reading. (And, if so, I'd suggest you start reading now, because you'll probably have no time -- or energy -- to do that after your DD comes home, at least at first).

- If your DD is coming from foster care, her situation will be a little different than kids coming from an orphanage, in that she will be used to living in a family situation, and will likely have received loving one-on-one care. (Not that there aren't some loving caretakers in orphanages, too, but by its nature it's a different dynamic). So keep that in mind when reading some of the adoption/attachment/adjustment stuff.

- Just as others have said, there are a lot of people who are completely ignorant of about adoption, but that won't stop them from giving you advice, particularly about "spoiling" a child. :rolleyes: Likewise, you may also encounter people who are die-hard Attachment Parenting types, who will give you similar grief from the other direction. Find what works for you and your DD -- to heck with the rest.

- We never intended to do "family bed," but -- for about a year-and-a-half, we did the family bed, because that was what worked for our DS. As far as we know, he had never slept in a crib -- in his foster home, he slept with his foster siblings.

- If you're thinking of using a sling, and have some time to shop or visit a market while you're in Guatemala, look for a "Maya wrap" made by actual Mayans -- I bought a lot of weavings, but regret that I didn't get a wrap.

- A suggestion for a lovely, lovely CD of lullabies: "Latin Lullaby" -- I think it's on the Ellipsis label? Absolutely beautiful music, and the lyrics are all in Spanish -- it may help soothe your DD at night, hearing the Spanish, especially at first. It was a great favorite of my DS (and me, too!). I ordered it from Amazon, but have also seen it in stores.

- If you're the type to join a group, I'd suggest finding either a Guatemala/Latin American families group, or an adoptive moms group, IRL. Having a "cohort" of other adopted Latin American kids while she's growing up will be valuable for your DD, but, at this point, having a "cohort" of other moms who have gone through similar experiences will be really valuable for you. Likewise for the adoptive moms group -- I know some new adoptive moms are just fine with joining a "typical" new-moms group, but most of the adoptive moms I have met appreciated having a place where their experiences were the "norm," not the exception, and where the talk didn't drift so often into discussions of breastfeeding, etc.

- Don't worry about feeling like you "don't know what to do." For a long time, I thought I felt that way because we had adopted, and because my son was an "older" toddler when he came home. Then I come to find out that most new moms feel that way. I remember the first time I took my DS to the supermarket, and had trouble getting him into the little seat in the cart, and a nice woman came over to help me. I remember thinking, "Oh, she must know I'm an 'imposter.' I 'real' mother would not have this problem." I've since told that story to lots of moms, both adoptive and bio, and everyone laughs. Seems everyone has felt that way at one time or another.

Seems like I've written a novel. Feel free to PM me. And keep us up to date here on the BB when your beautiful DD comes home!

Helene

[jadenegro]

Hi Lia,

I don't know much about 7 month olds (no children here yet) but my DH is from Guatemala so if you have any questions about the country, culture or what she may have experienced there feel free to PM me. We will probably adopt a Guatemalan baby some time in the future -- I know they are clearing up their adoption laws now and that was one thing that was worrying to us.

Have a safe trip and congratulations on your baby girl!

[LiaHuber]

Congratulations!!

Food for a 7 month old might be rice cereal, baby oatmeal or baby multigrain cereal. Probably just a tablespoon or two in the beginning mixed with water or formula. (I always used water because our water has fluoride). Then, after a few days you can add a fruit or veggie. I think I started with sweet potatoes or squash. Carrots, pears, applesauce and other things like that are great too. Eventually you can move onto things like Cheerios and Gerber snacks (they have fruit & veggie puffs which my DD liked). Pirates Booty will become a staple at your house too, most likely. Shredded cheese is a good snack for an older infant too. This is just general baby food recomendations and I am sure it all will depend on what your DD is eating now too.

As for songs, the Wheels on the Bus is a good one! Oh boy, we used that song every time the kids got upset in the car and it usually worked to calm them down.

As for toys, I would recomend Leap Frog stuff in general. The Leap Frog Learn and Groove table is the BEST and pretty much all of my friends have one for their kids.


Have you thought about joining a Gymboree class once your DD is home and settled? That is a great place to engage your child, learn songs and games and just have fun. It isn't cheap though, I think the classes cost around $12 - $15 each but they do pack a lot into them and you take away a lot that you can do at home.

Great advice! I'll see if there's a Gymboree class near where I live. We're in a pretty small town, so I'm not sure. It's amazing, though, how you unearth the 'kid' things you've never seen before when you're expecting your own! :)

[LiaHuber]

Hi Lia,

I don't know much about 7 month olds (no children here yet) but my DH is from Guatemala so if you have any questions about the country, culture or what she may have experienced there feel free to PM me. We will probably adopt a Guatemalan baby some time in the future -- I know they are clearing up their adoption laws now and that was one thing that was worrying to us.

Have a safe trip and congratulations on your baby girl!

Thank you for the offer! It sounds like we may be able to help you guys navigate your adoption in the future, which is exciting.

My DH and I have actually spent quite a bit of time in Guatemala (our favorite country), and have been supporting a lovely boy--now young man (Rene-Antonio)--there for years. He and his family are like an extended part of ours. And last year, we met an amazing young woman, Mayra, through another friend of ours and are helping her realize her dream of going to college. And . . . Noe's foster family are wonderful people. We've already agreed to stay in touch with them, as Noe's tie to and "family" in Guatemala, which I think will help her stay connected to the rich culture she comes from.

I say all of this because, for my DH and me, we fell in love head over heels with your husband's country years ago and the choice of Guatemala came long before our choice to adopt -- which I realize now it not usually the case. We like to say that Guatemala, and Noe, chose us--instead of the other way around. :)

Enough about me . . . where is your husband from in Guatemala?

Cheers,
Lia

[LiaHuber]

Congratulations!!! :) - One thing our class stressed was about *not* doing any sort of cry-it-out or Ferber-based techniques for adoptive kids -- at least not until they are older and very well-bonded.

Helene

Helene, thank you for saying this --your advice really resonated with me. When we were with Noe for just four days, we were terrified about how letting her 'cry it out' would interfere with bonding, since she was just getting to know us. And, in the end, it didn't feel right and I picked her up, put her in my Maya Wrap (love the Maya Wrap! . . . I'll have to post a photo of Noe tucked in mine :-) and just walked with her until she quieted.

I'd love to check back in with you on a PM . . . thank you!

Cheers,
Lia

[LiaHuber]

My friend has adopted 4 kids locally (Sonoma County) and the most important thing she feels she did was to "wear" the baby for the first few weeks--and never left them with anyone else. She would wear the babyBjorn thing over using a stroller etc. And, yes, respond to every need right away. Focus on the baby for the first few weeks.

You're in for a great ride!

Congrats!

Thank you! I love that so many of you have mentioned "wearing" Noe -- I bought a Maya Wrap before we went down to visit in February and she and I LOVED it! Sometimes, she'd curl up like a ball and it would look like I was pregnant, which her bulging out from my tummy. Sometimes, she'd hang her legs and arms over the edge and just let them dangle. Sometimes, she'd look like a joey peeking out from a kangaroo pouch. But whatever the position, it seemed we both felt connected. Crud, I wish I could figure out how to post a pic of Noe all curled up in the sling, holding fast to my finger.

The absolute worst part . . . one of the most painful moments of my life . . . was when we handed Noe back to the foster mother in the lobby and my DH and I walked back to our room, me with the empty sling hanging on me -- it just felt so incredibly EMPTY after having Noe so alive there just moments before.

Anyway, yes, yes, yes to the baby carrying! Thanks!

[LiaHuber]

One more thing, if you are looking for age-specific type information, ivillage has "play groups" message boards that you could join, and they may be a good source of what type of activities that particular age group is enjoying. Just as an example, here is the link to the November 2006 group:

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-prplaynov06n

This is great -- thank you!

But every month should have one. Even though my bio son is only 3yo, I honestly don't remember exactly what he was doing at 6 months, so I'll need a refresher myself!

Congrats on your kiddos coming home too!

[newtricks]

The absolute worst part . . . one of the most painful moments of my life . . . was when we handed Noe back to the foster mother in the lobby and my DH and I walked back to our room, me with the empty sling hanging on me -- it just felt so incredibly EMPTY after having Noe so alive there just moments before.


Waaah! I'm very excited for you and it must be so hard to wait!

As support to all the baby-wearing suggestions - her best toy, stimulation, game, etc. is YOU.:) She will love just looking at you, being with you, hearing you talk and sing, rocking in a rocking chair with you. Your dh too of course ;). My dh really liked the Bjorn (a type of front carrier that might have been mentioned but I think people use slings more now) too.

One of my ds's classmates was adopted from China. Her mom has a book about parents going to China to get their daughters. I think it's called "The Swan Hotel"? It's something hotel because it's named for the actual hotel in China where the mom stayed when picking up her dd. Anyway, this little girl loves that book and of course it's very special for the mom to read it to her. Maybe you have to write the Guatemalan version!:)

[AvrilH]

I agree with everyone who recommended wearing your baby. It meant the world to my sons.

My carrier was a Canadian product available on the internet at TheBabyTrekker.com. It was great for babies even once they pass the infant stage. I wore my kids until they were around 2 and 40 pounds. You can wear them on your front and your back (great for hiking) and it will fit both you and your husband.

[AZgal]

Congrats!! We are a few weeks away from traveling to pick up our baby girl in Vietnam ourselves! She should be around 6 months at the time.

As far as attachment/bonding, this site has a lot of great information:

http://www.attach-china.org/

On the left hand side is a link that says “Attachment Activities”, and that is a good place to start.

Some other key points:

- Children who have experienced trauma need to be held in arms or a carrier facing the parent for many hours/day, not placed in strollers, Pack-n-plays, or play yards.
- Co-sleeping is not a "bad-habit-forming" parenting choice….however some babies will not want to co-sleep and would rather be in a crib. So just take their lead!
- Children who have had broken attachment may need to continue to be given a bottle (even if just at bedtime) much longer than pediatricians might suggest.
- Children who struggle with attachment need to be disciplined very differently from those who do not. ("time-in" instead of "time-out," Holding Time)
- Important to maintain the infant’s routine as much as possible. Feeding: continue to feed the baby with something close to the food she’s been used to and make changes slowly, perhaps mixing the baby’s old formula with the new.

And I stole this from somebody else, but I think it is important:
“How the general public might look at some of the things we do with our kids--co-sleeping, responding to every cry, keeping them on a bottle longer than "normal," carrying them when they can walk, feeding them when they can feed themselves, cuddling them when they tantrum--and say, "You're spoiling that child." The speaker then used this analogy: Every time our children went through a cycle of unmet need, every time they expressed a need that was either not met or met inadequately, it was like a stone was added to a pile. By the time they come to us, they have this huge pile of stones (unmet needs) weighing them down. Each time we meet one of their needs, it's like we grab one of those stones from their pile and hurl it away. Until we reach the bottom of that pile of stones, "spoiling" our children is the very LAST thing we need to worry about.”

I SO agree with these thoughts! We adopted our daughter when she was 10 months old. (She's now 29!:eek: ) She didn't even come from another country but I remember her waking up in the middle of the night crying and I would just have to pick her up and hold her. She also seemed afraid of strangers and one time I had to leave a store because she was so terrified of one of the male sales clerks. Even leaving her in the nursery at church was a stress to her. I wish someone had shared these ideas and thoughts with me then; I might have understood and been more tolerant and less stressed myself. I remember being really afraid it wasn't going to work! She had to learn we could be trusted and were not going to leave her! So take the cues from your daughter, give lots of hugs, and say many prayers for patience. God bless you both as you start this new adventure in your lives!