My final cat dilemma (long post; thanks for advice).

[testkitchen45]

We have to give our beloved big cat back to the no-kill shelter after all. What would you do if your DS didn't have the chance to say goodbye? :( Shelter wants cat tomorrow, & DS is out of town! He slept w/cat Sat nite (food/water/litter in bdrm) & had a long cuddle, but he left Sun & we couldn't find the cat for one final hug & photo of him w/DS. We thought no biggie, we'll just bump the shelter-pickup day into next week, but then learned that the shelter has lots of kittens & if we lose our slot w/foster home, it may be a few more weeks till one's available. Kitty would have to be pretty cooped up or supervised until then, but that's workable in the short term, I guess.

But in two weeks, we're on vacation, so we'd be taking a chance that a foster home would be available by then. Our cat would still be here, checked on 2x/day by neighbor, but either outdoors all day (w/us hoping nothing happens to him all day where he'd need us, or he could get too hot--we have a big lot & he usually just hangs around the pool area & chases dragonflies, but w/ me at home all day I can check on him, whereas if we leave town he obviously doesn't have that safety net), & locked up in big bathroom at night, or locked up in same bright bathroom all day, probably pretty lonely. So our current plan is to give him to shelter tomorrow, when they want him, but DS is understandably upset. Of course, the cat doesn't understand the word "goodbye," but DS does. Shelter gal is on vacation & called me from there; she either can't or won't see about lining up another foster home that would have a definite availability date on it--I asked her, & she just said that it could be a few weeks & there's no way of knowing.

(Update for you kind people who followed my other kitty thread: When our older cat passed away suddenly, we thought now that this one's the only cat, he'll stop random peeing. So we were following vet's advice to get rid of the litterbox that had been in our master bathroom (yuck); we'd had it there for our geriatric cat. Vet said that the only way to move a litterbox is to go a few inches a day, to gradually train the cat to the new location. All was going well, till cat peed all over the rug that the box was on--it's not as if he couldn't make it, as it was right there; he just chose to pee right by it. So in our home, w/ all the same triggers, I guess, he just won't quit. Every time we think he has quit b/c enough time has gone by, it happens again: probably 25-30 times over 3 years, mostly on stuff that's washable--it's only a matter of time b4 it's a couch or something, & not possible to clean up.)

I know this is about what our cat needs (a loving home w/o having to be isolated waiting for one), not what we humans need (my DS wants the formal closure of saying goodbye), but this situation stinks. :( Any reassurance or wisdom is welcome. Thanks.

[misskitty100]

Would it be an option to take DS to the foster home once he returns from his trip? He can then say goodbye to your cat there, get a photo or two etc.

It sounds like a tough situation and you are doing the right thing for all involved.

[aggie94]

I'm sorry for your dilemma. It IS a tough one to be in. Unfortunately for your DS and his feelings, I do think your obligation in this situation is to the kitty and what is in his best interests right now. It's unlikely your DS will suffer any long-term negative effects from not getting the closure he wants, but your kitty could potentially lose out on the opportunity for a loving home.

I also think that it would be confusing and disruptive for the kitty to have your DS come visit him when he returns. I know it has to be hard not to be able to say good-bye, but it sounds like he did have some quality time with the kitty before he left. I really think you have to just let the kitty go now and help your son grieve the loss in other ways. :(

Sorry.

[DmOrtega]

My neighbor moved away and left one of her cats behind. My dd was very close to the cat and our neighbor. She was crushed to find out the cat was roaming the streets. We found a home for it and later went back to visit. It was really nice for my dd and me to see the home where the cat was to live. The cat has adapted very well and we are happy to know that it's in a good home. I'd let your ds say his goodbyes at the new home if at all possible because he needs to make peace in his own heart and if he sees that the cat is ok then he will be also.

[do-lolly]

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I know this is an issue that you have been dealing with for quite some time, and I'm sure it was a hard decision to make. You are very lucky to have a no kill shelter in your area, that makes the decision not quite a painfull, I'm sure. I don't have any advice on what to do about DS, but I know that you will make the right one for everyone involved.

I'm quite positive that you have done all of the things that I am about to ask, but I can't find the orginal thread about your kitty, though I remember reading it. My sister is a vet and deals primarily with cats. Her suggestions for this problem are to scoop the litter box often. A lot of times when they go right next to the box like this, it's because the cat feels like the litter box is too full and they are protesting. I think she has a cat which she has to scoop litter a few times a day, because he perceives it to be full when it's not. Change the type of litter that you use. You may have to try several brands before you find the one your cat likes. She says that some cats are very funny about the way the litter feels on their feet and so will just go elsewhere. Sometimes they go in odd places because they are mad about something. If he's not neutered, getting him neutered might help. If all else fails you can try to make them an indoor/outdoor cat, although giving him to another home might be a better suggestion than turning him out to roam.

Like I said, I know that you have been working with your vet and have probably tried all of the above and then some, but since I can't remember what you have done I just thought I would put this in here.

[testkitchen45]

Thank you so much for all the kind responses. We got a last-minute reprieve from the shelter last week; they called & said that today (8/1) would be perfect. So my DS was here after all! :D The kids had plenty of snuggle time with our cat; he slept on all their beds (with food/water/litter moved from room to room); we got some spectacular last pictures of kitty-with-kids or kitty antics; and we wrote up a page of information and cat likes/dislikes for the new home. I'm very thankful that all the kids got the chance to say goodbye, b/c I agree that it would have been best, had that reprieve not come, to stick with the original plan and not have DS visit kitty again somewhere else; I think it'd confuse the cat and interfere with his adjustment. I'm sad that our cat will have to wonder where we've gone, but maybe in his little kitty brain, he'll adjust a lot faster than we will, not having the cognitive ability to think all this through. Anyway, a happy-as-possible ending to a long saga!

We're considering getting sibling kittens this fall in the hopes that siblings will get along better--any thoughts on brothers vs. sisters vs. mixed? Thanks again for the responses; I think the kids are all OK with our decision and we had several extra days to adjust! :)

[DmOrtega]

I'm glad it worked out for you and your ds. Letting go is hard but sometimes we must. Good luck looking for more suitable cats. :)

[Libra20]

Did you ever try taking him to an animal communicator. I've heard people having great results with the good ones.

I do feel for you. In college I had to give up a cat and cried for a month before I could do it.

My wishes are with you.