Reputation in the workplace?

[Angelina]

One of those "What would you do" threads...

So this 22-year-old woman started working here, maybe 6 months ago or so. She is a lovely person, kind, educated and raised in a pretty old fashioned way. She has told me that her family will pick her future husband (she has of course final say in that, but it will still be someone picked for her), and it goes without saying that she has to stay a virgin till the day she marries. She also does not believe in love, as far as its endurance and its worth in building a strong relationship goes. While I may not agree with that, I respect her opinions and I hope for her sake that she never falls hard for someone...:eek:

I do care for her very much. I mean, her dad invents new food products and then sends me freebies through her. How can you not love her?? ;) She is modern in other ways, like she regularly shops at Victoria's Secret and her friends tease her for buying that stuff when she has no one she can show it too. Anyway....

Since she has started working here, she has become good friends with a guy much older than she is, and of a very different background. They hang out together a lot, and she has been seen (by me too) as standing very close to him. Much closer than you would normally stand around with a coworker.

I am willing to give her the benefit of the doubt, and yet other people who have seen this too have been asking me if there is anything going on between them. I tell them no...can't be...they are just friends. I don't know if he is taking advantage of her youth and inexperience, but whatever it is, should I say something? Like..."Hey, people have asked me about you and him. I know there is nothing going on, but try to be more careful because in the workplace people talk and your reputation is going down the drain"?

Or do I keep my mouth shut?

Angela

[Meganator]

Given what you know about her, I think she might appreciate being taken aside and told that her behavior may be presenting something different about her than she would want.


..."Hey, people have asked me about you and him. I know there is nothing going on, but try to be more careful because in the workplace people talk and your reputation is going down the drain"?


But I wouldn't phrase it like that - pretend like you are the only one to notice so it doesn't embarrass her more by thinking that people are talking about her behind her back.

[beacooker]

Given your tag line, maybe you should let her continue with the guy. :D

[Gilgamesh37]

But I wouldn't phrase it like that - pretend like you are the only one to notice so it doesn't embarrass her more by thinking that people are talking about her behind her back.

Actually, I think I disagree about this part, somewhat. Part of what you need to learn at 22 is that ALL your actions ARE observed by everyone--and not just in the workplace, but if you get loaded and are wandering around downtown drunk on the weekends (not this young woman, but I'm just thinking of other young employees I've known over hte years) in a smaller community, that's going to come back to your boss, who may or may not want that reflecting on the business. So I would definitely mention it to her and at the very least probably say something along hte lines of "It's prevalent enough that I'm sure other people hvae noticed." People are talking behind her back and I think that's another part of workplace culture that you need to learn and be aware of.

[Robyn1007]

I agree that she should know that it's being noticed and not just by you. But, definitely have the conversation in a private place so she doesn't feel like everyone knows she's been talked to. Because you've developed a friendship with her and know her background I think it would be better coming from you rather than a boss.

I'm dealing with a 24 year old here at my office who likes to take a bit of an attitude when she is asked to take a customer support call even though that is a primary responsibility for her. It gets tiring and I've mentioned it to my boss and our director of marketing has seen it happen. Unfortunately, because I'm not in a supervisory position I can't really reprimand her for it beyond trying to create a positive work environment encouraging quick response to customers. It's frustrating for me and eventually I'll probably ask our boss to say something.

[SugarNSpice]

If you're friends with her I wouldn't beat around the bush. Just ask her what is going on with her and the guy.

It sounds like if gossip got around to her family they wouldn't be too happy so I would let her know that people are talking behind her back.

[___Rhianna___]

If she's from a culture in which a husband is chosen for her, maybe she also has different personal space perceptions and doesn't realize that she's standing too close to the guy. She may also have grown up very sheltered and may be unaware of this guy's (or all guys' for that matter) intentions.

[oceanjasper]

It is a shame that your coworker's actions have become fodder for the office rumour mill. People don't always realize how hurtful gossip can be, even when one person is simply refuting what another person has said. So, while I can relate to the comments being made to say something to her, I would personally stay out of it. Unless your coworker is at risk of losing her job as a result of her actions, her personal life and the choices she is making (as an adult) are really not anyone else's business.

[mbrogier]

I'd talk to her as a friend and let her know that her actions are being interpreted as something that she would think is sinful--standing too near a man, having a relationship with that person.

She sounds very naive, and I think in the long run she'll appreciate someone telling her what men want and how the world works.

[Angelina]

Given your tag line, maybe you should let her continue with the guy. :D

Alas, it's ok for me to try to get myself a wild reputation, at the age of almost 40. Even though I don't seem to be too good at it, since my biggest admirers are in the mail room and they must think I am some kind of saint because they keep asking me for miracles...:cool: Seriously!

But it's not ok for my friend. ;)

Thank you all for sharing your opinions and your advice. I very much appreciate hearing from different perspectives. :)

Angela