Can you handle another wedding etiquette question...

[erinlovesmarc]

I have a question...it's a long story but the story short is that my sister lives in chicago now and alot of my family here in Montreal went for my niece's baptism back in June...my sister's friends (mine too I suppose but over the years we've grown apart) decided they were coming too...my father hosted a party on the friday night and the friends said they were coming...they never showed up...at this point we're all very ticked off...we found out later they went shopping and went clubbing instead...then on the saturday, the day of the baptism, they never showed up at the church and then they showed up 2 hours late for the reception...I still don't know the whole story but they had all kinds of excuses...Sunday morning they didn't even show up to say goodbye to my sister before going back to Montreal...Okay so here's my situation...one of the friends, let's call her Mary, sent me an invitation to her wedding before my niece's baptism to which I already said yes to...obviously after the whole baptism fiasco, which I thought the friend's were very rude and disrespectful, I really don't want to go to Mary's wedding anymore...I didn't want to go in the first place but she came to mine, so out of respect, even if we weren't close as we once were, I said I would go...so now what do I do...I could stoop to her level and not even show up (this is what I want to do since I'm still very much ticked off) but what would the polite thing to do? Do I still have to go since I already said yes or can I get away with sending her a little note saying something like "due to unexpected circumstances, I can no longer make it to your wedding.."? Do I send a gift or not if I don't go? Need opinions...

[newtricks]

Do I still have to go since I already said yes or can I get away with sending her a little note saying something like "due to unexpected circumstances, I can no longer make it to your wedding.."? Do I send a gift or not if I don't go? Need opinions...

My opinion is you can send the note and a gift is totally up to you. If it were me I would send something (I'm not sure why though!)

[JellyBean22]

You have every right to be ticked off. Under the circumstances, I wouldn't go either. You have a good idea....send her the note, maybe with a small gift if you feel like it, and explain that you can't go. I think lots of times unexpected things come up after a commitment is made, and I really don't see it as being out of line if you back out.

[mrswaz]

Well, thinking back to our wedding, we had several people who RSVP'd that they would come, but never showed up. To be honest- we never noticed that they weren't there. We were too busy enjoying the day with family and the friends who came and each other to notice the no-shows. Of course, after the fact there was the "hey, so and so never made it to the wedding! Wonder what happened..." But we never thought ill of anyone who hadn't been able to make it.

I would still send a card though.

[PAMMELA]

I agree with Mrs. Waz, but you still have to pay for the food for the no-shows and I think it's beyond rude to just not show up. I would definitely send a note saying that you won't be able to attend.

[funniegrrl]

It is absolutely OK -- AND the right thing to do -- to send a note and say you won't be able to come after all. You don't have to say why, I probably wouldn't even include the "unexpected circumstances." I would just make it a brief note on good stationary ... say something like, "I'm sorry that I won't be able to attend your wedding after all. I wish you the best on this day, and much happiness for the future."

As to the gift ... a wedding gift is never obligatory, and it has nothing to do with whether or not you attend the wedding. Send a gift if you want to; if you don't, don't. The same would be true if you were attending.