Dating diary: an eHarmony match asked me out [Archive]

foodfiend

12-05-2007, 09:29 PM

As some of you know, I joined the online dating world recently. After several weeks of searching and finding out how much easier it was to stay single, a match has asked me out. I haven't replied, but I'll probably say yes. I'm trying not to freak out. I've never been on a blind date before, much less a blind date with someone I met online. He sounds nice enough, and we seem to have similar interests.
People experience in cyberdating might find it amusing, but this is totally new to me. It's like being in grade 7 again ("OMG, he asked me out! What do I do?WhatdoIdo?")

Robyn1007

12-05-2007, 09:36 PM

Yes, take some deep breaths and relax. Have you guys discussed what you would be doing? I recommend trying to do something that gives you distraction but allows you to talk. I went on a first date with an online match to a Parade of Homes which was really brilliant. I'm thinking a museum, festival or something like that. Movies don't work well because you can't talk to each other.

Some other tips. Make sure you meet him at the location and have your own transportation. Tell someone you trust where you are going and any info you have on him (name, phone number etc).

Finally, enjoy it!

foodfiend

12-05-2007, 09:48 PM

Finally, enjoy it!

Enjoy?! Are you crazy, woman?
On a more serious note, he'd like to meet for coffee.

kwormann

12-06-2007, 03:43 AM

Coffee is a good first date. It is short and sweet. I had one a few weeks ago at 11 on a Sunday, and after 30 minutes together, he asked me to lunch. The beauty of a coffee date.

Also, keep this in mind: The first date you go on might be awkward, no matter what, no matter who you are with. It was for me. I had been married for 13 years and actually the first 3 guys I went out with - I felt that way. I was nervous, awkward, and couldnt wait for those dates to end. I knew, however, that it was me and not the men or the dating experience itself. Now I am pretty at ease the first time I go out with someone.

I guess what I am trying to say is if it is uncomfortable, chalk it up to a new experience and try try again :D

gabbyh

12-06-2007, 04:18 AM

Lily...10 years ago last month, my husband, from Australia, told me he wanted to "meet me for coffee when he came back to America"...and the rest is history;)

Good luck and have fun~!

~Gail

SandyM

12-06-2007, 06:58 AM

Enjoy?! Are you crazy, woman?

This is funny. :)

If you're not going to enjoy it, why do it? ;)

As Kim said, the first few times, it's nervewracking. Awkward silences, wondering "What do I say?", etc. Now I'm in a committed relationship, but while I was out there, I actually started enjoying those first dates. It was exciting! And I've made some good friends out of the deal - bonus!

I agree with Kim on making it a coffee date. It can be a quick deal if you don't feel a "click", but it can extend to longer if you see a good thing coming.

Good luck.

Beth

12-06-2007, 07:00 AM

At least a blind date you pick has a better shot than a blind date someone else picks for you. ;)

avariell

12-06-2007, 07:54 AM

i skimmed the prior replies, so someone might have already mentioned this...

personally i will NOT meet anyone i haven't talked to on the phone previously. it is amazing how well tuned your 6th sense can be, and if you are uncomfortable with someone on the phone, then you will be uncomfortable in person (or at least *i* will be). there were a couple guys i talked to who just didn't seem right on the phone... and honestly kind of creeped me out for no particular reason. i was very happy i knew this in advance so i never had to meet them or give them any personal information.

however, PSA aside, absolutely go meet him for coffee (after you've talked to him ;)) and have a blast. let yourself relax and enjoy being on a date. that was the best part of on line dating for me - i got to go on a bunch of real dates :)

testkitchen45

12-06-2007, 07:55 AM

I like Robyn's ideas about a date where you do some fun activity together. :)

Here's a brief anecdote to give you a smile, and to show you that no matter how this upcoming date goes, it will probably be better than this one:

Eons ago, I had a blind date. Not a good thing for many reasons. When I returned from the restaurant bathroom, he actually asked me, "Hey; did everything come out OK?" :eek: :mad: :eek:

Feel better? Your chances of having a nicer experience are GREAT. Have fun! :D

foodfiend

12-06-2007, 08:11 AM

Have fun! :D

You want me to have FUN too? This is too much to handle...

RecipeGirl

12-06-2007, 08:39 AM

Good luck... hope it all goes well, and may you be blessed with easy conversation :)

Kate B

12-06-2007, 10:24 AM

As a single person who's been on a few blind dates, try to keep in mind that the worst that can happen is you don't want to see him again... and the middle ground... you have a new friend.... and the best.... a new relationship!

Unfortunately, I am not comfortable doing the on-line thing. I escaped an abusive relationship and if I were to post my picture on a site like that, I know he'd find it and spread all sorts of ugly rumors (the guy is a liar on top of being abusive). I struggle with where to meet nice men as I don't attend church, am not into the bar scene and the guys at my gym are not my type.

Good luck, foodfiend, and I look forward to hearing how it went.

-Kate

TKay

12-06-2007, 10:31 AM

TRY to enjoy it. And, of course, let us know how things go. :D

foodfiend

12-06-2007, 10:51 AM

Eons ago, I had a blind date. Not a good thing for many reasons. When I returned from the restaurant bathroom, he actually asked me, "Hey; did everything come out OK?" :eek: :mad: :eek:

Thanks. Keep those stories coming...

kwormann

12-06-2007, 11:02 AM

Um, ok. Here is one:

We talked and decided to get together. His profile says he lives in a 'burb' about 7 miles south of me.

Him "meet me here, i know a great place to have lunch"
Me "Well, I never meet at a guys house, but I am going to it this time. I will be telling 2 friends where you live"

So I get in my car to go to this GREAT lunch place. First of all, he lives more than 30 miles south of the burb he says he is from. It took me an HOUR to get there. I get to his place. He is watching football on the couch. Invites me to sit. Tells me he needs to watch the UT game because of ...importance...bowl something...blah, blah, blah.

I leave after 15 minutes and drive AN HOUR back home!!!!

foodfiend

12-06-2007, 02:08 PM

Thanks for the story, Kim. I was actually making a joke, but I guess that didn't come across on cyberspace.

MKSquared

12-06-2007, 02:11 PM

personally i will NOT meet anyone i haven't talked to on the phone previously. it is amazing how well tuned your 6th sense can be, and if you are uncomfortable with someone on the phone, then you will be uncomfortable in person (or at least *i* will be).

Uh-oh. Does this mean you're not going shopping with me tonight? ;)

avariell

12-06-2007, 02:26 PM

Uh-oh. Does this mean you're not going shopping with me tonight? ;)

LOL you did say you would call me first! :)

cookinator

12-06-2007, 06:05 PM

Just be careful! My last blind date (21 years ago) will be walking in the door any minute so I've got to go put the dinner in the oven:D .

kwormann

12-06-2007, 07:52 PM

Thanks for the story, Kim. I was actually making a joke, but I guess that didn't come across on cyberspace.

Well, joke or not, it is good for you to hear crazy stories to know they do happen and we all survive:D

Example - I just got back from the 4th date I have had with a great guy...

foodfiend

12-06-2007, 08:29 PM

Just be careful! My last blind date (21 years ago) will be walking in the door any minute so I've got to go put the dinner in the oven:D .

This is an example from other end of the blind date spectrum :)

foodfiend

12-09-2007, 06:22 PM

So we finally met.
And it was fine. He's nice enough, pleasant mild-mannered man. I can see why eHarmony matched us up. We chatted for over an hour. I don't know how I feel about him or could feel about him. Meeting someone on a blind date is so completely different than meeting someone at work or school. I don't usually tell my lifestory to a stranger the first time I meet them.
At least it's over. My first blind date is over and done with, and I can relax a bit. It wasn't a horror story, and I don't have to change the locks on my door.

Hammster

12-09-2007, 06:30 PM

greek salad

12-09-2007, 06:40 PM

Happy to hear that it went well. And, that you are done with your first blind date! :D

I remember my first blind date, he returned his food three times (yes, three). And, nothing was really wrong with it (first he didn't realize a turkey plate had gravy, then when we got the new plate, it was too dry. Oy!) Oh, and then he called the next day and said "he usually is more dynamic".

Keep us posted if you'd like.

All the best.

kwormann

12-09-2007, 07:14 PM

Im glad you enjoyed yourself :)

foodfiend

12-10-2007, 07:10 AM

Do you think there will be a second date?

I haven't decided. He'd like to meet again, but I'd like to think it over.

Robyn1007

12-10-2007, 07:16 AM

I haven't decided. He'd like to meet again, but I'd like to think it over.

If you're not sure then I'd see him again. First dates are tough to get true impressions so if there's nothing that automatically says no to you then give it another try.

testkitchen45

12-11-2007, 01:55 PM

If you're not sure then I'd see him again. First dates are tough to get true impressions so if there's nothing that automatically says no to you then give it another try.

I agree. He may have been just as nervous as you were (and as anyone would be :) ), and it's tough to put your best foot forward under those conditions.

Glad you had a decent evening!

Natasha

12-11-2007, 03:47 PM

Hi Lily,

Thanks for the update. I agree with the others. If you found him nice enough and there was nothing about him that really bothered/concerned you, and the idea of a second date doesn't freak you out, I'd go for it.

Of course it's your choice though :) Good luck in either case!

Natasha

Canice

12-11-2007, 08:40 PM

I think Robyn and the others are right.
You felt a little uncomfortable and anxious and you can bet your bottom dollar he did too. If no alarms went off and he was nice enough, why not give it another go? I think it's worth your time to spend a few hours together, and you'll probably both be a little less anxious.
But as Natasha says, it's your decision alone, and I sure as heck don't want to appear to be bullying you into it. At minimum, you should be pretty darned pleased that you've put forth the effort you have. :)

Beth

12-11-2007, 09:15 PM

Think about it, but try saying yes to something that involves some activity or something that will provide a basis for conversation and reactions. Something to do or something to watch and talk about.

foodfiend

12-11-2007, 10:22 PM

Hello all,
On a completely different note, there have been over 1000 views on this one particular thread. Amazing how much interest my lovelife can generate.
Still thinking it over.

greek salad

12-11-2007, 10:31 PM

I often notice tons of views on dating threads. I bet there are tons of single people in the same boat (like me!), and like to see read others experiences etc.

I haven't gone the eHarmony route -- should really check it out. Have been meaning to.

All the best.

Arete

12-12-2007, 06:46 AM

LakeMartinGal

12-12-2007, 08:22 AM

schuh

12-12-2007, 09:37 AM

I think all the views are from the people like me that have been married for so long... we alternate between "oh, remember how much fun it was meeting someone new and getting to know all about them" and "oh, I am SO glad I don't have to go through that crap anymore!" :D

That's just about what I was going to say. I lurk on lots of dating threads, but I don't have much advice to offer, having been married for 16 years.

When I was single and going out on a date, all the married women would be hovering around my desk the next day to hear what happened on the date. I couldn't understand why they were so darned interested, and thought perhaps they all should get lives.

Now I get it. On one hand, I envy that exciting "getting to know you" stage and that euphoric stage that comes early on. On the other hand, I know there are a lot of "frogs" -- and worse -- out there, so I wouldn't like that aspect of it at all. I'll stay married, thanks, but I sure do enjoy hearing about the "other side."

Kahlico

12-12-2007, 12:35 PM

I think all the views are from the people like me that have been married for so long... we alternate between "oh, remember how much fun it was meeting someone new and getting to know all about them" and "oh, I am SO glad I don't have to go through that crap anymore!" :D

Whatever you decide, I hope you have fun!

Amen.

Although, I do not miss meeting guys like the one who didn't want to go outside his house at all, insisted on watching German music videos, bragged about his $10,000 renovation to his kitchen, and had a roomful of nothing but Star Wars toys. Did I mention he was 29 at the time.

:rolleyes:

But, that said, it is fun to live vicariously through your dating life, I have to admit. Hope you don't mind! :D

nancymaring

12-15-2007, 01:46 PM

I'm marrying my eHarmony blind date this coming October. He asked me on Thanksgiving Day after dating for over a year. Sure glad I went on that second...and third....and twentyth date!

Keep an open mind...it's not for keeps...it's just 'going out with a friend' at this stage. Enjoy yourself. Just have fun with it. Date as many men as you can. I tease my fiance that he is "Number 89"....I had to go through a lot of men before I found him. (Those new to on-line dating...no...I didn't date all 88 other men before him)

As someone else said, the worse that can happen at this stage is you don't see each other again, no big deal,,,,the next best is you made a new friend...or the best is you found the love of your life.

enjoy.....nancy

foodfiend

12-16-2007, 09:52 AM

Congratulations Nancy! Your story would make a more interesting thread than mine (which has garnered over 1700 views as of today).

Laura B

12-16-2007, 11:09 AM

Lily - I just wanted to add that I am an online dating success story! DH and I met online back before it was common to meet online, and we have been married for 10 and half years now.

Hang in there and TRY to have fun with it. :D