Do you have balance ?

[kima]

No I don't mean can you walk a straight line(though that may be difficult for some of you sometimes!!:p ) . I am interested in fiding out if you feel your life is well balanced- between work and leisure, health and family and friends etc.
It seems most people today do not feel they have balance- they work too much, eat too much, don't exercise enough. Balance is a very individual thing and probably fluctuates all the time.
I feel I do have a nice balance in my life but I am sure to others my lack of work hours would seem to be out of balance. I try to never be overbooked with activity though I am usually busy- more so this time of year. I need empty time to be filled on a whim- coffee with a friend, hanging out time with my daughters, reading or just being with my Dh. Sometimes I feel like I don't do enough- I read about super women (there is one in this month's Walking Magazine!!) and I feel inadequate. This woman is a world renowned cardiologist, cooks 5 course meals every night for her DH and kids, does triathlons, is on many boards etc. I terrll my self something has to give but she appears to do it all and have it all.
Anyway, I would love to hear from you all- are you "balanced" or slightly off kilter? What does having a balanced life look like to you?

[MelissaAS]

What a great thread! This is the challenge of my life- I really need to think more about this and post more later but what I would like to say initially is that what feels like a good, healthy balance to me looks from the outside like it doesn't measure up. A healthy balance for me includes: time to plan, buy, store and prepare healthy foods for my body; time for physical exercise that I enjoy; time for 12 step meetings; time for quiet reading and writing; and time to be with my loved ones without having to watch the clock.

I have managed to choose a job where I am well-compensated but the hours are not too demanding (37.5 hr/wk during the academic year, 35 hr/wk in the summer), so that helps. But setting boundaries to give my self the time to do the things I need to do to be balanced and happy is difficult. Thanks for the reminder!

Melissa

[m4star]

What a great thread!

I struggle with balance each and every day. I was hospitalized this May and diagnosed with colitis. It was a major wake-up call for me. Previously I had been living my life with blinders on. I would become what I call a "stress nugget" any time crisis would develop at work, in my personal life, or internally. I was making myself ill by not dealing with stress correctly.

Sitting in that hospital bed at 3am, alone and very depressed, I saw a helicopter bring a life-flighted car crash victim. I could see their mangled body as they were rushed into the ER. It was that horrific scene that finally brought it all home. Life is too precious to just waste by being miserable.

Each day I struggle to be in control over how I react to things. I was once told that we choose to be happy and choose to be sad. It never made sense until now. I may not be 'perfect' (and I still have many days where everything feels completely out of whack) but I strive each day to balance my life between what I feel is truly important and what other's deem should be important to me.

[SusanMac]

You must be reading our July book...The Simple Living Guide! If you haven't picked it up yet, I definitely recommend it. It's a bit long-winded, but absolutely wonderful.

I'm a big fan of not only balance, but being in control of the life you live. There have been times where I haven't been balanced, but because I chose to have my job be #1. Luckily, I'm not in that phase right now :-) and feel I have much more time for myself as an individual, for my family, and expanding myself/learning new things.

It's dangerous to compare yourself with other people, but I do it all the time. Do you think magazines profile those "wonder women" to make us all feel guilty? Maybe our normal lives just don't sell magazines!

[lindrusso]

This is a great question. I stay home with my boys, so work is not a factor for me. But, I like it that way. I have time to persue things I enjoy, I have time with my kids (sometimes too much ;) ), and I'm pretty well satisfied. If anything is missing, it's a creative oulet for being an adult and accomplishing things outside the home - something that work outside the home can provide for many people. I try to fill this "hole" with hobbies and activities like scrapbooking, cooking, gardening, physical fitness persuits and being involved with MOMS Club. MOMS Club is wonderful because it provides a creative outlet (I used to do the newsletter, etc.) and it provides a wonderful social structure of friends for both the children and me. Actually, I like to joke that I just don't have time to go back to work because there are too many things I like to do :) .

So, I seem to be do well in the categories of exercise, eating well, we socialize on a regular basis with good friends and we have plenty of time together as a family. But, once the boys are in school full-time, I'd like to do some regular volunteer work that would also provide that extra outlet I'm looking for. This would help fill the need for being productive (outside taking care of my immediate surroundings) - giving back to others and to the community and hopefully providing a little food for the mind. As a SAHM, the mind can tend to get a little "flabby" if you're not using it in more "adult" capacities (if that makes sense!).

I try hard not to overschedule. I have no interest in being a super-mom because I know that I would NOT be happy (which would in turn make my family miserable). I think some people thrive on constant motion and chaos, but not me. I need plenty of down time to keep me sane. So, I imagine that balance is different things to different people. I'm sure that some would see my life as quite benign and boring, but I'm happy, and that's what counts.

I know there are other things I'd like to add to this interesting question, but speaking of exercise...... ;) .....

[BlueMoose]

lindrusso....I think I should follow your example!

Right now my life is way out of kilter and I'm struggling to achieve some kind of balance. I've been doing a lot of soul searching lately about where my priorities should be, because something really has to give. I'm a SAHM also, but I enjoy doing so many things which I never seem to have time for. I guess I try to do to much. My kids are almost 4 and 9 months. The baby is a sweetie but he is so attached to me and is quite demanding of my attention (to say the least).

I'm having a difficult time right now because I'm coming to the conclusion that what has to give is me. I'm a creative person and I need my creative outlets in order to feel balanced, but I rarely have any time for them. So lately I'm feeling that I have to give up most of what I enjoy (my own things) so that my family can be happy. I'm probably sounding like a really selfish person, but I'm really not! I'm very devoted to my children.

Anyway, I'm just rambling and I don't know what I'm trying to say, so I'll turn the floor over to someone else.....

Chrisi :)

[Julia1Pin]

I've been thinking of this topic lately, and maybe it's because I've been working 60 hour weeks at work.

It seems that right now I don't have balance in my life, and work is the driving factor. No, I love my job, but I'd love it just as much working a 45 hour week (do 40 hour weeks still exist?). I just got married and am starting to think about having a family. But then I think about all the hours I'm working, and how would I have time for a family. I's aldo like to work out more. And have time to just relax in the evenings. And cook more. And finish the last part of the CPA exam....

So, the question? How do I make time for everything, when my superiors are working more hours than I am.

[Gina O]

Which is sometimes lacking! :)

My wake up call came almost 4 years ago when my life was pretty difficult. My brother-in-law, Tim, who I loved dearly was dying of cancer (at 39 with 3 kids), I weighed about 190 pounds (size 18 or 20) , I was in a marriage that was going no where and I was working for someone who did no trust or find competence in his employees. I didn't realize it at the time, but looking back I was pretty miserable.

With Tim's death, I realized how short and precious life is, and that I better get busy living it and loving it because I have no idea when it will be snatched away. I lost a lot of weight, purely through dieting and am now about 128 and size 6. Strangely, the weight loss just magnified the problems with my marriage (he did not approve of the way I was doing it, so even when I put on an old bikini to show him, his response was a lukewarm "that's nice".) I got a divorce and am now with a man, Brian, that has goals, dreams and an incredible zest for life. And, he has also experienced the loss of a brother, also around 40, to cancer.

I have changed jobs twice and my new job is fabulous. I work with high quality, intelligent, dedicated people who are more fun to be with than any other group I have been around. I have freedom and flexibility with my schedule and get to spend my time learning, traveling, interacting with others, and giving presentations. I get paid reasonably well considering my degree and career choice, and it felt great to be recruited for this position. I did not fill out the application or submit my resume until after I was hired.

Brian and I bought a house together a year ago, my first house, near my family. I have a better relationship with my mother than ever before. I get to see my dad and step-mom regularly. I have never felt such connection with or realized the importance of family. I try to cook for them at least twice a month. I have a garden and the most beautiful flower beds in my neighborhood. And, I am in a neighborhood. Each evening we all go for walks and stop to talk to one another. Tomorrow, we are all getting together in the cul-de-sac for a BBQ.

Since November, I have become very serious about exercising, with beginning to run. It has been incredibly challenging, but little by little I am making progress. To help things out, I also joined Curves for Women and am liking it (it has only been 2 weeks). So, I run about 4 times per week and go to Curves about 4 times per week.

The things I feel are lacking.... one of the things I lost in the divorce was the group of friends my XH and I had. I would like to have more close friends, expecially female friends. This always seems to be a big challenge for me. I am getting there, spending time with a coworker and a person in my neighborhood, but no one that I feel the intimacy that I had with friends from years ago. I know it takes time, and I will continue to try.

I will never have children, I had a hysterectomy 5 years ago. But even before that time I realized I was probably not well suited to raise children. I thoroughly enjoy my neices and nephew and do make an effort to spend as much time with them as I can, but still, not as much as I should.

So, is my life balanced? Mostly yes. I say that because it feels good and happy most of the time. Do I sometimes schedule too much stuff? Of course, but it is all things I really want to do, and while I have times that I feel really busy, I never regret having done it all. I love to travel and do it as much as possible. I accepted this job on the condition I would get to travel. (okay, so 3 weeks in the midwest was a little much.) I belong to a supper club, cook for friends a family as much as I can, have started eating a vegetarian diet mainly to increase my cooking repertoire. I am in a relationship with someone who shares my loves, dreams and goals, and will eat just about anything I put down before him!

I realize this is a tremendous amount of rambling. I wanted to share my perspective on what balance felt like for me. Thanks for listening, Gina

[kima]

Thankyou everyone for your interesting and thoughtful responses. Gina- your story is such an inspiration!Your life sounds fulfilling and the changes you have made are very courageous ones!
Chrisi- I really feel for you and I am sure all the SAHM out there can relate to your feelings. Saying that you are not alone, when you feel so alone isn't much comfort though. I really think you need to look out into your community- I don't know how big the town or city is that you live in but even the smallest place has resources. When my girls were little (newborn and 21 months we lived in a tiny community of 200 people, the nearest town was 30 miles away and in the winter the roads were terrible. I felt completely sut off from the world. I was 23 years old and had just graduated from University and lived a very busy city life. I heard about a small group of mums who met at the community hall for coffee and decided to give it a try. Most of the women were very different from me (I was a sophisticated city girl after all!) but I lived for those get togethers. My very best friend to this day was part of that group.I know it is probably difficult to leave your 9 month old at this clingy stage but perhaps you could find someone or somewhere that your older child could go and then you could do stuff with just the baby- walk, go to the library etc. Soon your 9 month old will be ready to be left a bit with someone- just a few hours a week can make a huge difference!!
I would love to hear how more of you feel about a balanced life. Any SAHM have advice for Chrisi?

[emilycat]

First off, I'm really enjoying reading all of your posts -- none of you should apologize for rambling; everything you have to say is insightful and brings new perspective to others. :)

Oddly enough, I sometimes feel a little guilty because I do have so much "me" time, and I often wish that my work took up more of my passion -- as it is now, cooking, running and freelance writing are the outlets for my inspiration, despite the fact that I'm an aspiring (key word) freelance writer. Work certainly doesn't take up too much of my time -- (I'm one of those 45-hour/week-ers), but I wish it fulfilled me more, and for that I don't feel the balance I would like. I have to continually remind myself that in my particular field, a recent college grad isn't going to land a job writing for a renowned national magazine, but it's still frustrating. My freelance assignments keeps me inspired and motivated, though, so at least I'm getting somewhere.
I have an incredible relationship with my family; we're a very open group, I'll just say, and I wish I saw them a little more often. My boyfriend does take up a big hunk of my time, and while I'm really cherishing our relationship, I know that I don't spend enough time with my own friends. His friends have become mine, but I don't really have a group of my own I socialize with often; my dinner group meets about once a month, but I don't have any intimate friendships in town, and I know that's definitely something I miss having when I was in school.

So yes, I think my life is fairly balanced; my greatest challenge is trying to keep a firm perspective on appreciating the present, rather than continually focusing on the future. It's the tragic flaw of having so much "vision," as my father says.

BTW, do any of you know the origin of this song?

Today, while the blossoms still cling to the vine/I'll taste your strawberries, I'll drink your sweet wine/A million tomorrows shall all pass away/ere I forget all the joys that are mine today.

[KValley]

I've been thinking about this since last night, after first reading Maureen's post; really, I've been striving for balance for the past few years- since starting a career and contemplating starting a family. The 20s were really a time to explore, to establish myself professionally, to which meant a lot of moving around. Now, in my early 30s I am ready to plant some roots, my career is not as important- being happy and healthy, a best friend to my husband, a support to my family, nurturer to my creativity and spirituality, and hopefully a loving mother are my goals.

I suggested "The Simple Living Guide" for our book club and I'm glad SusanMac reminded us. When I read it 2 1/2 years ago, it really compelled me to think about my priorities, how I spent my time, money, and creativity. I hope we get some lively discussions later this month.

The whole notion of balance is what compelled me to quit a job I loved-potentially jeopardizing my career- and move back home last year, where our families are and where I knew Brendan really wanted to be. Although my job was incredibly rewarding and challenging, it took all of my creative and mental energy, and more time than I should have allowed it to- it was very emotionally demanding. Like Julia, I wondered how I'd ever be able to start a family with the hours that I kept. Now I get paid more, I work less- it's not as challenging and hence not as rewarding, but my stress level is so low.

I've been volunteering for an environmental education organization here in the Valley, we started going to church in the Fall- two things that were great voids in my life- my creativity has blossomed in the kitchen and on the page, I am strong and healthy. I wonder about the stability of my job- working in private education as opposed to public means the loss of a strong security net. But since taking the leap and quitting my old one without having another, I have confidence that I will land on my feet no matter what. It's also allowed me to imagine that I can do so much more- to explore fields outside of my current one, to take a first few steps towards having a business of my own.

The real voids in my life are social- my circle of friends has always centered on my work colleagues- best friends from college are scattered across the country. Now that I do not have a work place and I travel so frequently, I have had to make such effort to connect with people here. That is coming, and with DH starting grad school in the Fall, I know we will meet others our age or with the same interests.

THe next step is deciding when to start a family- after 9 years of marriage, I think we are ready (is anybody really ready??) and I will again have to work on balancing the demands of marriage, work, children, and me-time. I so admire all of you Moms- Maureen, Chrisi, Alysha, you are inspirations to me.

M4star, you are in my prayers as you heal and strive to balance your life. Gina, I loved your story and I love your sunny personality. Emily, you are in such a grand adventure as you make your way - your vision and talents will take you far. I am just learning to live in the "present" for the first time- I'm usually running about 2-3 years ahead, so I understand.

Thanks for indulging this long winded post!

Julie

[Laura]

Hmmmm....very thought provoking topic. Is my life balanced? No, not completely, but it is far better than it was 4 years ago. I am a single mom to two school age children 12 and 9. I work 30 hours a week so that I can be home with them once they are out of school. Exercise is a regular part of my life so I don't feel I am missing out there. My kids often join me in bike rides, walks, or other various activities. Where my life is completely out of whack is relationships with other women. I have moved 2x in the past 4 years and each time it has been harder to make good friends. While I have many acquaintances I miss the very close friends I had in CA 4 years ago (although I don't miss the 50 hour work week I had back then). I also miss having a passion about work. On any given day, the best I can say is that I don't mind my job. It pays well but really provides me with little satisfaction (I am an attorney currently emphasizing in securities litigation.) My hope is that in the next 1-2 years I will find a career that provides me with the flexibility I need and the satisfaction I crave. All in all though, I am happy with my life; for me, my faith has sustained me through some fairly traumatic events and given me peace where it once did not exist. Thanks for letting me share and letting me in on your lives as well.

[Kristi]

Wow... I have so enjoyed reading your replies, ideas and insights on life. Thanks so much for sharing.

I feel like my life is balanced for the most part at the current time; although like everyone, I have voids and desires for areas of improvement. I have a wonderfully, loving husband and family and feel so blessed in that aspect. We have very close friends who live in town and I also make time to get together with my girlfriends who live out of town (we set up occasional girls' weekends to catch up). My husband and I have placed a larger importance and reliance on our faith in the past couple of years, and that has undoubtedly helped us through some difficult times in our marriage. We are currently searching for ways to get more involved in our church and to reach out to others. I make time for hobbies--dance, cooking, exercise, reading, walking my sweet dog, etc., etc. (although of course I wish I could do these things all the time! ):p

My major complaint is my job... not the job itself but the lack of satisfaction I receive from it. My passion is dance...always has been, and I feel that I should have done something in this field (not that there are many options outside of performance and teaching). When I was in school, however, I felt like I needed to do something more practical that would "use my brain." So... I majored in Finance (while still doing alot of dancing/choreography), and decided to go that route. I now work for a bank and have a great set-up. I live only five minutes away, work with great people, have a good position and work 8 to 5 for the most part.... but I need something more CREATIVE. Although I take a modern dance class on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I don't feel like it fulfills me totally. I could ramble on for hours about this topic, but for now I'll just say that I hope to eventually conclude what type of job is best for my personality and desires. I suppose that's just part of life.

I would like to start a family soon (because the one major life goal I have is to raise and be an integral part of a close, loving, and open family)... so my priorities may change at that point. However, I know that all the things that are important to me now will always be a part of my life and I pray that I always find the strength to balance these parts.

Thanks again for your insightful replies...

[SusieO]

This is a really interesting topic. We'll have to pull it up again when we discuss The Simple Living Guide next month.

I work at maintaining balance in my life. I have a job I love that pays me well, but which doesn't require more than about 45 hours/weeks most weeks. I arrange my schedule so that I have time to spend with my husband (who has a completely different schedule), as well as exercise time and time to spend alone. I could possibly use more sleep, and I would like to socialize/entertain more. But in general, I think I'm on the right track.

Emily, I think that's an old John Denver song. We used to sing it at Girl Scout camp.

[Meg O'C]

This is a great topic - very thought provoking. I've actually "visited" several times before posting just because I felt like I needed to think before I could write.

I definitely vary in my ability to maintain a sense of balance in my life, and as several others of you have indicated, most often it is work that I wish were less time consuming, allowing me more time for cooking, reading and exercising. Some days I love my work and other days I long for more oportunity to be creative and have even more flexibility (I can work from home every so often and I don't have anyone standing over my shoulder watching my every move on a daily basis). 50-60-hour weeks are standard and I commute one hour each way. Long-term, I do not believe I will be in the corporate world - I just don't feel DH and I will be able to raise our children the way we want to both working the hours we work and commuting the way we do. I have always thought about teaching so I see myself in education sometime down the road - not sure when since I probably need to go back to school to make the career switch (and that requires time - something already lacking)!

After work, the second most time consuming thing in my life is family - which at times can be a mixed blessing. I do feel fortunate that I get to spend so much time with family and am so close to them (immediate, extended and in-laws). My sister is my best friend and we live in the same town. One of my favorite after-work activities in the summer time is to meet my sister at my parents and take the dog for a long walk and just talk and talk. Family dinners are always fun - especially the impromptu, pot-luck affairs. However, sometimes all the extended family functions (birthdays, christenings, graduations, etc.) get to be a bit much!

I do worry about how I will manage when DH and I add children to the mix - which will probably happen soon since I am less than 6 months away from 30 and it feels like it's time. I have been ready to be a mom since I was about 5 (oldest child syndrome, I guess) but I want to be able to spend quality time with my children and continue to work and somehow manage to read, cook and exercise (more than I do now). I am open to part-time work so that may be a good solution.

I think balance is a constant challenge but clearly I am not alone!

[BlueMoose]

I don't want to make it sound like I'm a big cry baby and totally unhappy with my life! I have a great life....2 kids, a husband, I'm close with my parents, my animals, my health, a nice (modest) home....I really couldn't ask for more. Maybe just some time to myself once in awhile! I've even gained several female friends lately, so I'm building some friendships, which I lacked for quite some time. There are now 4 of us SAHM's with little kids on our block. I know 1 of them quite well, and am getting to know the other 2. Plus I have two other friends I've been spending more time with lately. That helps me a lot! I think most of my problem lies in the fact that I think I need to be the Martha Stewart of Minnesota! I demand an awful lot of myself, I need to lighten up a bit.

I just had a thought though....It's hard for anyone to achieve total balance in all areas of life all at one time. Maybe looking at the big picture would help...what I don't have now, I can have at some other point in my life. I know I will have more time to cook, work on house projects, hobbies, gardening, reading, work on my business, etc, once the kids are in school. But I don't want them to grow up too fast! So I need to be patient...I can't get everything done all at once. What's the point, anyway? Stop and smell the roses, right? (insert "sniff" here)

I think there is a lot of pressure on women especially to do everything and do it well. If I don't slow down I might miss something.

Does any of this rambling make sense?
Chrisi :rolleyes:

[lindrusso]

Originally posted by BlueMoose
I know I will have more time to cook, work on house projects, hobbies, gardening, reading, work on my business, etc, once the kids are in school. But I don't want them to grow up too fast! So I need to be patient...I can't get everything done all at once. What's the point, anyway? Stop and smell the roses, right? (insert "sniff" here)
Does any of this rambling make sense?
Chrisi :rolleyes:

It totally makes sense! I was going to respond to your first post by saying pretty much the same thing. I have time to myself now, but it's taken me many years to get there! If you have a 9-month-old, you will have a harder time having that "mommy" time. My kids are 7 and 4, so it's a bit easier.

I, too, would try to be Martha when my first son was born, but then I realized that it just wasn't worth it - especially as far as my kids were concerned. Would they rather have a beautifully decorated totally homemade cake and a cranky mom or a pretty good cake from a mix that I decorated myself and a happy mom? Anyone who has kids knows the answer to that! They don't give a darn where the cake comes from, they just like cake! That's just one example, but I think you can get my drift. Now I try find as many shortcuts as possible to find a balance between wanting to do the homemade, Martha thing and on the other hand, not wanting to stress myself and the kids. In the cake example, I've resolved that by relying on a CL recipe that uses a mix and buying already made icing - but I still do the baking and the decorating.

You also said that you are developing friendships with other moms in the area. This can be a terrific resource. You can even start up your own club :) . We do almost all of our activities during the day and we have one night a month where we all go out while the hubbies watch the kids. You don't necessarily get time away from the kids so much as you get to do some adult interacting while having your kids along. Those of us with older kids can enjoy a day at the park chatting while our kids play on the playground - so it is a little bit like getting "mommy" time. If you'd like more info on actually starting a formal club, you can email me - I'd be happy to help you get started!

I have enjoyed reading everyone's insights. Thanks so much for sharing!

Now if only I could find balance between doing what I should be doing and spending time on this bulletin board!!! :p

[food girl]

Hmmmm. 230-something reads and only 16 posts?


I have been really thinking about "balance". What is it? Mind, Body & Spirit? Friends, family & me? Exercise, play and work? Do you have to have equal amounts of all? Did women 100 years ago worry about balance? Will they 100 years from now?


Lisa

[BlueMoose]

I, too, would try to be Martha when my first son was born, but then I realized that it just wasn't worth it - especially as far as my kids were concerned. Would they rather have a beautifully decorated totally homemade cake and a cranky mom or a pretty good cake from a mix that I decorated myself and a happy mom? Anyone who has kids knows the answer to that! They don't give a darn where the cake comes from, they just like cake!

I know exactly what you mean! My DD's birthday is coming up and at first I was thinking it would be really cute to make handmade invitations. Then I thought "what the h*ll is wrong with me?!" They're all going to go in the garbage anyway, and she would rather go to the store and pick some out!

[Nirak]

This is so interesting to me. I feel like I have been through a whirlwind since my first daughter was born (she is 8). I worked full time in advertising and was always at my client's beck and call. She was in daycare from 15 minutes after they opened to 5 minutes before they closed. We thought this was normal! Anyway, after maternity leave for #2 I decided to quit. I took on homemaking full time (my friends still call me martha but I think they're crazy). I signed up to lead every group and try to turn them around (ex-corporate power trip). I was busy but not exactly happy. Now, I have been home for 6 years and I realize that I want to be here for a while. I always thought I'd go back when my youngest hit first grade (this fall) but now I realize they need me even more. Older daughter needs lots of help with school ... I don't know how I'd give her the right support if I still had my old job. I think lots of things would fall through the cracks. This spring I started to re-evaluate a lot of my volunteer work and tried saying "no" for the first time. Guess what? someone else often will say "yes" and the world doesn't stop turning. I feel quite releived of stress to have less going on with me and my kids activities. The real test will be this fall when they are in school. Can I handle the down time? I think I want to start my own business so I will have control of hours, etc. but I don't want to do too much too fast. Any way, this is long winded but I think I can say that I am balanced for the moment. I am lucky to have the live I have and to be able to enjoy my family and home on my terms. Looking forward to reading more on this topic.

[KathrynY]

Ok, I'll confess to being a couple of the 300 plus reads who hasn't posted yet. :o

Foodgirl's post was really thought-provoking for me. This is such a complex topic.

BlueMoose, I agree with you about not having total balance in all areas of life all at one time. I do think that at different ages and stages of our lives our priorities shift, depending on what's central in our lives at the time - school, work, family, community, self. What's most important today will change in a few years, and then we'll have more time for some of the things that have been sitting on a back burner.

I also think that we get better at the balance thing with age and experience. I remember way back to high school when the focus was definitely on self, and the decision of what to wear each day was worthy of an hours' contemplation each morning and a few calls to your best friend. Today - it's whatever's clean and presentable that preferably doesn't need to be ironed! It's been so nice to let go of that whole image thing over the years, worrying less about what others think and more about what's really important (like the from scratch vs. mix cake or handmade vs. store-bought invitations).

So, how do you all keep track of these thoughts? Do you keep a journal? Do you set goals for yourself and monitor progress periodically? How do you ensure that your "back burner" items eventually make it to the top of the priority list?

[Nirak]

Here are the lyrics to the song:

TODAY

Words and Music by Randy Sparks


Rit. Today while the blossoms still cling to the vine
I'll taste your strawberries I'll drink your sweet wine
A million tomorrows shall all pass away
Ere I forget all the joy that is mine, today.

I'll be a dandy and I'll be a rover
You'll know who I am by the songs that I sing
I'll feast at your table I'll sleep in your clover
Who cares what tomorrow shall bring

Rit. Today...

I can't be contented with yesterday's glory
I can't live on promises winter to spring
Today is my moment and now is my story
I'll laugh and I'll cry and I'll sing

Rit. Today...



This was a real throw-back for me. We must have sung it in scouts at the age where everything was totally profound (lol) Anyway, now that I am a sahm it really has new meaning. I hadn't thought about that song for years. Thanks for the memory.

[HARRYET]

I too will confess to being a lurker on this thread and not posting until now. This is a really intense topic, that required some thought. I've enjoyed reading all of your responses and feel I'm in some of the same places as some of you.

Is my life in balance? Are we ever in balance. I think (IMO) that we can never be totally balanced but come very close, life is always throwing us challanges.

Like right now, my DS best friend just told him his parents are splitting up, my DS has never experienced this at any level and he needs to be there for his friend and I need to be there for my son to help him better understand.

I would love to be able to spend more time w/ my DH, but w/owning our own business, he works 12-14 hour days and having a 13 and 11 year old it's almost impossible. When we do have time we always include the kids, cuz DH only has Sat. afternoons and Sundays off and right now family time is very important (especially w/having a teenage son) Soon the kids won't want to be w/us and we can then concentrate on US!

I don't technically work (I do faux paint w/a friend maybe 2 days a week, but I leave after the kids and get home b4 them, and If the kids are off so am I). I really feel my kids need me more now to be home w/them after school, as peer pressures really start at these ages.

As far as time for me, I try and exercise (thats always been my release) and get together w/other friends, but I have found living were we do, people move alot and I've lost alot of very good friends :( , sure we keep in touch, but it's not the same as being face to face. And at this stage in my life it's difficult to nurture (sp?) those close relationships and I have found as my kids get older it's harder to meet people.

Anyway I think I may have rambled enough.

Kima, Thanks for the question, it made me really think about my life and were I'm going. :)

Bluemoose, Keep your chin up, this to will pass, and as far as your DD's birthday invitations, let her pick them out, but stamp the outside envelopes (and your DD can hep) this will personalize them just a little.

Ann :)