Way OT: Lung Cancer

[Leanne]

I'm sitting here going crazy at work - I just found out that my step dad has stage 4 cancer in his lungs & liver & is too weak to undergo any treatment. I have no idea how long he has to live.
I can't reach my DH & my mom doesn't get the full implication yet of how serious his cancer is - so I don't want to upset her more than she already is.

I'm sorry to dump this on the board - I just had to tell someone.

I thought about going home, but I thought maybe I could keep my mind off of it a little better if I stayed.

Leanne

[funnybone]

Oh boy! I am so sorry you are going through this. I'm not sure what Stage 4 is exactly, but it does not sound ggod. My BIL hade Stage 1 about 4 years ago, they operated and he has been healthy.

Staying or going home won't change things. It just might help to be around someone so that you can talk. Is there anyone there you can talk to? Hang in there!

[Laura B]

Gosh, I am so sorry to hear that. I have a dear uncle who currently has lung cancer and serious heart problems. He has made it through for a surprisingly long time.

I wish your stepdad and you and your family the best of luck in getting through this. I feel for you.

[Leanne]

Thanks you all. I did just tell one guy at work. It's weird though - there's essentially 4 people I work with - 2 aren't here. I have tried about 3 friends & can't get them & my DH is unaccessible until 5:00 today. (He's taking a test for law school.)
Like I said - I really just wanted to tell someone, so I turned here.
Stage 4 is the last stage of cancer. It has less than a 2% survival rate for 5 years. Since he can't have any treatment, apperntly he has about 4 months or so to live.
I really, really appreciate those of you who have responded. I think I'm still in a little bit of shock.

[pmmahan]

My uncle died of lung cancer two years ago; when it was diagnosed, I am almost positive that it was Stage 4 because at that point, there was really nothing they could do, but try and minimize his pain. He was diagnosed in February, and he passed away in October. It had spread to his brain and bones at the end, but they found that the radiation was the most helpful, and it kept him very comfortable.
I am so, so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you; I understand how you feel. My uncle was
like a second dad to me.

[Packy]

I'm really sorry about your step-dad. I hope it all works out without a lot of suffering on his part. I'm sure your mom is in shock and she'll probably act all kinds of different ways for a few days. Just be there for her and know everyone on this board is here for you.

[Beth]

I am also sorry for your news, shock and feeling of isolation. I posted a way OT thread once under similar circumstances and was amazed by the support when I was afraid of criticism. I think that shows we have more than a foodie BB - a true community.

My college roommate lost her FIL in a similar situation. Her MIL had never written a check, didn't drive and was without a clue of how to survive without him. I realize that doesn't apply to many people in the modern world, but virtually everyone has some loose ends to deal with or something very meaningful to be accomplished if given the time. Once you and your family have had time to come together and start to deal with the situation, you can look at this time as a blessing. If your father had been killed in a car crash this morning, you would not have this time. Don't grieve more later because of lost opportunities.

Take nothing for granted. Make sure legal, financial and other details are in order as soon as possible so that your father is still able to help. Talk to an advisor if needed. Make sure he has a will, a physician's directive if desired, perhaps a living trust. Discuss his last wishes, whether you need them in 4 months or 40 years. Begin to look at what your mother will have and how she will live so that she can feel more comfortable with her fate and not be lost in a crisis after he's gone. You'd be amazed how many people don't know where bank accounts or insurance policies are or where to begin. Help your family make the most of everyday and do all you can to make the time meanigful.

I don't mean any of this in a negative or fatalistic way. I'm not saying give up or not to deal with any medical treatments or possibilities available. Look at the options, pray for miracles, but live with the reality of today as well. If you plan and share meanigful time, your life will only be richer when a miracle is granted. Maybe this time together will be your miracle.

Meahwhile, here's a hug and a prayer...
XXX

[Leanne]

Thank you again everyone. Fortunately my mom is very self suffiecient - has run her own business for years. All of us "kids" now live in a different city from them. I'm not sure how my mom will do living by herself. I know she's physically & financially capable, just not sure about how she'll mentally deal with being by herself. Actually - that part of the loss hadn't occured to me yet. I wonder if she'll move here - but all of her good friends are in Nashville. I know there's going to be alot to deal with. I'm just starting to accept it.

For so long, my step dad has been ill with emphazema, but had gotten so much better lately, that they had taken him off of oxygen & he was moving around better. My thought always was "at least he doesn't have cancer." I really hate this.

You all are being great. Thanks. Didn't mean to put a damper on anyone's day.

[BlueMoose]

I'm so sorry, Leanne. I wish I had some words of wisdom to offer, but I can't think of any. I just wanted to say I'm sorry.

Chrisi

[luv2cook]

It's funny you posted about this. Just worked with a guy who was diagnosed with mesothelioma (lung cancer - terminal)...sorry to hear. I'm glad that your mom is self-sufficient and in today's world of modern medicine, I'm sure that your stepdad will be kept comfortable. If he's not, well, talk to his doctor...

[Leanne]

Thanks again everyone for giving me comfort when I really needed it. & to the rest of the board for helping provide a distraction to this horrible news.
I'm headed home now - my Dh will be home soon too.
See you on Monday. :)

[SusieO]

I am so sorry, Leanne.

It's strange that so many others have said the same thing, but I just found out that a woman I used to work with was also recently diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer. This kind of thing really leaves you feeling helpless and frustrated.

[Susann]

I am also very sorry. This must be a difficult time for you and your family. Remember that we bbers are here for you!

[Luv to Cook]

Just wanted to let you know that my prayers and with you and your family. I know it is hard, but be strong for your Mom.

Anita