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View Full Version : I want to spit nails right now!!!!


Deechef
01-05-2008, 03:25 PM
And I want to direct them at my X at a very high speed!!!!

I am so angry I can hardly type. I don't post much about my personal life as it really goes quite smoothly for the most part but I have shared/alluded to troubles with my son. He is 20 yo. Both my kids are adopted and he was an "at risk" adoption and gave us a run for our money from the get go. Fast forward to recent history. X and I divorced 5 years ago. I had son custody of son and he got into trouble on a daily basis. He got arrested for risk of injury to a minor at 16 with a 14 yo tramp. The system put him through the ringers. He bashed some mailboxes with some friends and that infraction carried more weight on his record than the first. Blah, blah.....he went to live with his father (which I appreciated so much) Dad's idea. He finally said one day to his father "I need to get a life of my own" and fled to who knew where. As it turns out he moved in with his girlfriend and her grandmother in a tenament type place. Bad neighborhood. She became pregnant. Baby born. Son, girlfriend, everyone else in the rattrap on welfare. I visited once. Over the past 7 months no contact from son. To be honest I felt like no news was good news but I imagined him dead in some alley. So he calls Christmas Eve and sounded great. This kid actually took the bulls by the horn and became a CNA. He works at the local hospital and makes $13.00/hour with full benefits!! He called a few days later asking what town he was born in because he wants to get out the rat trap and get into income housing but they needed to know what town he was born in. His Dad has his birth certificate so I suggested he call his Dad which he did and Dad said he would stop by on Saturday and give it to him. I was thrilled thinking his Dad would meet his graddaughter. OK........talked to son this evening and his "Dad" shoved the birth certificate in the mailbox and sped off.........Spitting nails, spitting nails.............Son sounded very disappointed. I still have to maintain my distance from son as well and take things slowly but give me a break.

OK...........vent done

Beth
01-05-2008, 03:51 PM
Parenting is hard under any circumstances, and you've done so much to take a kid at risk and give him some footing. It may not have seemed like it at times, but it sounds like it is starting to show up. I hate seeing parents who split and check out. I know you need some distance sometimes, but the consistent support one can only get from family is something this kid wasn't given by birth, and at least you are still working at it. That's to your credit for a kid who is now over 18.

Deechef
01-06-2008, 02:29 PM
Thanks for your kind words Beth. I am still very disappointed in "Dad" but understand where he is coming from as I have been there as well. Had a long talk with DBF and he actually made me understand X's stance. It just hurt because X is really a nice person so I couldn't "get"it. I am proud of what my son has accomplished but will continue to stay in the background. Kids are tough sometimes:(

Romandub
01-06-2008, 06:22 PM
Deechef--I don't have any good advice, just sending hugs and encouragement to your son. It sounds like your son is on his way to a better life. Kudos to him!:)

jmarie
01-06-2008, 06:33 PM
I know someone who adopted an "at-risk" child and your stories are very much the same. Kudos to you for how you are handling the situation to to your DBF for helping you to understand. The child (well, now a man) I am speaking of, had to go to a prison-type boot camp to get his life together, but graduated from there with honors and is now in a prison release program to work 8 hours a day and then go back there to sleep. First job he will have ever had.... We are so proud that he is finally getting his act together and I know just how proud you are. It is so great to finally see progress, when you don't expect it!

I think you are wise to stay in the back ground awhile longer. Time will come and it will come soon enough. God bless you. You and your Ex made a terrific difference in someone's life. Don't ever doubt it! A terrific difference.

Joyce