View Full Version : You Guys Are Probably Better at This Than Me...
01-16-2008, 02:04 AM
A few years ago, I had a super-duper-bestest friend in the world. She was very badly behaved; tons of trouble with impulse control. (I sat in a court room with her to support her when she was charged with harrassment of the girl she suspected her husband was flirting with.)
Anyway, she was going through marriage/money problems right about when I was getting married. I asked her to be my Matron of Honor and..... I never heard from her again.
I was crushed. From chatting every day about everything to dead silence. It was very sad and I still sometimes think about her.
Last night at 10:30PM, my cell phone rang. It was her. Out of nowhere. I answered it and...silence for about 10 seconds until she hung up. I didn't call her back last night, but I did leave a message for her tonight.
"Hi Susan, it's Maya, I didn't know if you wanted to talk to me or if you just forgot to block your number. Anyway here's my number just in case. I'm here if you want to talk."
Wrong thing to do? What would you guys have done?
01-16-2008, 04:08 AM
I think you did exactly what you should do. You are being a good person and that is what makes our world wonderful. I would be cautious because your friend sounds unstable, but you never mentioned her bothering you. Well except the going away, but maybe there is a reason. Way to go, extending a hand!
01-16-2008, 08:53 AM
I think you did the right thing. It sounds like she may need a friend right now but doesn't know how to ask. You were great to extend a hand.
01-16-2008, 09:17 AM
I agree, you did the right thing. Probably what I would have done and then done the same as you, wonder if it was right!
I don't think there is a right and a wrong here, but I think what you did was good. SHe may be having problems and need to talk to someone but feel bad about claling you because of the past issues. You've opened the door.
Could have neem am accident. Could have been someone else messing with her phone -- if she doesn't call back, you may never know.
01-16-2008, 09:35 AM
Thanks you guys. I thought it was maybe a little bit barbed to say, "or if you forgot to block your number." (It was her home number.) But I was reasoning that - that statement would prevent her from calling and hanging up more frequently.
That's sort of a trademark of hers; I think the harrassment charges cited some 300 hang up phone calls. (She was blocking her #, so imagine her surprise when Detective so&so called her to chat.)
Anyway, I'm not sure that I really do want to chat with her. I loved her so much and it hurt really bad when she just vanished into thin air. I'm hesitant to let her into my life even if she does need me.
By the way, Thanks Ladies. I appreciate your support.
I don't think your comment about the blocked number was so barbed. You're just protecting yourself. That's completely expected considering the situation. Whether she ends up contacting you again or not, I think you did well. I guess the ball's in her court.
01-16-2008, 01:17 PM
Well, I think you are a good friend for being willing to talk with her after she dropped you like a rock. :) Now you have made it clear to her that you're open to rekindling the friendship, and it's up to her now to respond or not.
As far as the "barbed" comment, she's not exactly a saint herself, so she should be able to handle it, eh? :p
01-16-2008, 02:15 PM
I think it took courage for her to call after what happened in the past, and she might have cowarded out at the last minute for the same reason. Calling her back and leaving a message was thoughtful on your part. If she had felt like you wouldn't necessarily welcome her back and was fearful, your message at least let her know that you're willing to at least talk. It didn't necessarily say "I want to rekindle our friendship" but it left the next move up to her, and that's the way it should be! :) Proceed with caution, but you might actually need your old friend as much as it sounds like she needs you. Just my opinion! I've been in a similar situation, where I was actually the one that had strayed and just took the plunge to call and say "You know something, I have no excuses...but I miss you and want to talk". I was welcomed home. ;)
01-16-2008, 09:00 PM
Thanks again Ladies.
I'm pretty certain that the reason she called is that she stumbled across my 800 number for my job which rings through to my cell phone. I'm sure she expected to get voicemail at my desk, or she would have blocked her call. That would fit with the Susan I knew. She just did strange things out of the blue. That's part of what made her so much fun.
The other parts that weren't fun were the 3AM counseling sessions - me telling her not to go buy a bunch of feeder mice, kill them, place them in a florists box and deliver them to the girl she thought her husband was flirting with as a gift in his name. She didn't like one of the managers at her work - that lady had no authority over her - Susan just didn't like her. So she eventually dropped enough "anonymous" tips to upper mgmt. to get her fired. Upper mgmt. transitioned an account away from Susan, so she called that client with an anonymous tip about how their company was being ripped off by Susan's company. The result was that the new rep on the account lost that account.
I just sort of realize the depth of dangerous intent she's capable of, so I barbed her with the blocked phone number thing to let her know that I'm (unfortunately for her) onto her.
Ya, I know.
01-17-2008, 01:33 AM
Oh my! :eek: She sounds like a high-maintenance friend, to say the least! I'd hate to see her turn that kind of evil intent on you, should she ever decide you need punishing.
You mentioned that you weren't sure if you wanted contact with her. Could it be that you've grown past her and that type of friendship during her absence from your life?
In any case, you seem well aware of who she really is, so as Jewel said, "Proceed with caution" if she does call.
01-17-2008, 09:33 AM
Call me cold, but I have had couple of "friends" over the years that I have had to turn loose. I still have friends that I've had since I was a kid, so I'm not a totally mean person.
I truly believe that some people are in our life for a purpose, for a period of time. When it gets weird or turns in a negative direction despite attempts to correct the problem, then it seems our paths are going in two different directions. My attitude is "thanks for your friendship, it's been great, have a nice life."
Personally, I would not attempt to contact her and rekindle a friendship. It's out of your life for a reason.
01-17-2008, 01:24 PM
I'm sorry, but maybe she did you a favor...killing mice to send to someone, getting people fired...oh, my...I guess my story is tame compared to that. my best friend only got drunk and left me sick, in a different city w/out keys, car or money and no way back to her house 30 miles away necessitating me to take a ride w/a complete strange to get to a hotel close to her house...bringing a guy home with her and then wondering why I was so upset and leaving her house the next morning...
01-17-2008, 01:28 PM
While I realize her call to you could mean more than just a call, my opiniion is more along the lines of GingerPow's. IMO, when it's "work" to maintain a friendship, it's not worth it. My closest, most long standing friends are the ones who are low maintanence and stable people.
I've had some friendships where one always had to play therapist, or watch what you said, or watch your back....and always 'build' that person up. It's just not worth the effort IMO.
(I'm really not the cold hearted b!tch that makes me sound like!)
01-17-2008, 01:49 PM
I'm glad a few people said something, b/c I wasn't going to have an eloquent way of saying it. Yes, your msg was kind, and not barbed at all. But, that does not sound like a person I'd want to hang out w/at all. I'd keep the positive, old memories, forget the rest & be happy it's in the past. Just me.
jjsooner & GingerPow -- I don't think either of you are cold. You just have realized what you expect out of a relationship & the kinds of people who you want actively involved in your life. I've figured that out for myself, as well. A few people very dear to me have not, and it's tough to watch.
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