3-year-old needs social opportunities?

[veschke]

I'm hoping that those of you with similar-age kids can give me some advice.

I'm getting a bit concerned about my daughter's social development. She's 3 1/2 and it seems like she's behind her peers when it comes to interacting with others. She's not in day care and doesn't have a play group or anything unless you count Sunday School. In the time we have left before she has to start school, I'd like to give her more opportunities to work on these skills. Since she has a new baby brother and the household routine is all unsettled right now anyway, this seems like as good a time as any. (I also have two weeks of maternity leave left, so I have time to look into stuff right now.)

Preschool seems like one option, but I frankly have no idea how these places work, or how to go about looking for one. Any suggestions on where to start? I think she's fairly bright, mind you (of course I do, I'm her mom :) ). We don't have scads of money, but I think this is important enough that we can find what's needed. Maybe she's just a late bloomer, or maybe I'm being needlessly paranoid about harmless individual differences, but I worry that she's going to start school and have no idea how to cope.

Thanks!

[helios7]

I'm not a parent (yet) but I am an early childhood teacher. I currently work in preschool classrooms with children who have been identified as having special needs. I don't think preschool is necessarily the way you have to go, but it may be the easiest way to provide the social opportunities you're right to be a bit concerned about.

I'm not sure what is making you concerned - telling me more about her behavior might help. Is she unable to share? Playing by herself and not with kids at the playground?

Another way to go, if you can't find a preschool you like might be to just set up a regular schedule of playdates. On Monday morning she plays with X, Tuesday Y etc. But since you mentioned going back to work, but that she isn't in daycare so if she's with a babysitter then that may be harder to arrange and maintain.

Hope this helps!

[veschke]

I'm not sure what is making you concerned - telling me more about her behavior might help. Is she unable to share? Playing by herself and not with kids at the playground?

Both issues, yes. She's not really shy per se, but I think she is often uncertain about what to do with people she doesn't know.

DH is a SAHD, which adds a certain element of complexity. I can make suggestions, but it's not like I can fire him! :) He's mentioned his concerns along these lines to me, but when it comes to doing anything it seems that inertia is a big problem; I'm hoping to light a small fire....

[LaraW]

Do you have a Mom's Day Out in your area? That might be an idea. My SIL is a SAHM and her girls went to MDO maybe 1 morning a week when they were younger, before they went to preschool.

I actually think that preschool does add some things more than just social development. There is some structure to the day, and if she goes a couple of mornings a week, there is some structure to the week too. But, then again, I'm a person who likes routine so that appeals to me.

Some other ideas: storytime at the library, my kids are in a yoga class right now on Friday mornings, and our rec center has other fitness type classes for kids. Maybe something like that.

[helios7]

DH is a SAHD, which adds a certain element of complexity. I can make suggestions, but it's not like I can fire him! :) He's mentioned his concerns along these lines to me, but when it comes to doing anything it seems that inertia is a big problem; I'm hoping to light a small fire....

Ahh I see. :D Then I would look for a couple mornings a week type preschool. 2-3 mornings provide the perfect opportunity for her to develop social skills, but also shouldn't be too prohibitively expensive. They definitely exist... you may have difficulty enrolling her now as it is mid-year, and these types of schools run on school schedules (at least in NYC). But you never know when someone will have just moved away. You can at least get your name on a waiting list. But I would strongly consider planning ahead to the summer and enrolling her in a day camp or some sort. Often preschools offer these and again, a couple mornings a week playing games, doing arts and crafts and other fun activities with peers her own age will be of great benefit to her.

I think it's great that you're noticing an area that needs development, and are acting on it instead of shying away from it. If only all parents were able to do the same.

[cchhbb]

If you are considering a MMO or Preschool, I'd start looking now for next fall. DS2's school did their registration last month for next fall.

You might want to look if their are any SAHD clubs in the area. My cousin's husband was in one in Texas and he really enjoyed it. His girls got some social interaction out of it.

Cheryl

[magdon]

do you have friends with kids the same age (or can you find some)? 3 of my friends & I did a share care with our kids the year before they started preschool. 2 of us watched the 4 kids and the other 2 had the morning off. babies stayed with moms so mostly it was 6 kids. It was a nice way for them to get used to being with other kids and away from mom (or dad). I think we did 9-11:45, just playtime with the host providing snack. we had a rotating schedule of working & hosting and I think it really helped.

PS you might also look a co-operative preschools if cost is an issue. The usually have a "real" director and teacher or 2, and then parents take care of the rest of it. Lots more work than a drop-off (teaching day, snack, cleaning, fundraising, etc) but might cost less and you get to be involved. it's been a nice transitition for me as a SAHM

[TKay]

I might suggest checking your city or county's programs for preschool. Around here, private preschools can get quite pricy. But the one run by the city is cheap by comparison. Read that: affordable for most people. Lots of the neighborhood moms send their kids for precisely the benefit you're looking for: improving social skills. Most kids go two or three mornings a week for, I want to say, 2.5 hours each day. It's well worth it if you ask me. Plus, if dd goes when the little one is napping, all the nicer for dh.

Hth! Good luck.

Oh, I'd also mention that I was not a real proponent of preschool until my kids got to the preschool age. Everyone encouraged me to send them, but I really wanted them home with me. I will just say that they blossomed once they got there. It was well worth it for us.

[Molli526]

My DH is a SAHD too, and we don't have scads of money either, and when DS#1 was about 2 1/2 *we* were worried about his social skills. We got him involved at story time at the library one morning a week (Free!) and either DH or I took him but there were lots of parents who brought a younger sibling. We also found a great little preschool that was 2 mornings a week that was only $75 a month! The gal who runs it is just wonderful and took DS#1 even though the school year had started. He really blossomed! I cried his last day of school there. DS #2 will be going there this fall. I do think pre-school is very important as it is a good place to learn social skills and learning about sharing, being in groups etc. Around here, most places will take a kid anytime. Where DS#1 goes now, through the school system, they take kids at the start of every enrollment period, which depending which program, is either every 4 or 8 weeks, so don't worry if the first place you call doesn't have something.

[lbd]

Is preschool better than individual activities? My DS currently as 4 different classes we go to, basically one each morning except Fridays, when we usually do playdates. Also other playdates or a very random playgroup occasionally. Is he missing something by not being with the same teacher or kids each day? Or by not being with me? (classes are all parent participation, he's only 20 months)

[helios7]

Is preschool better than individual activities? My DS currently as 4 different classes we go to, basically one each morning except Fridays, when we usually do playdates. Also other playdates or a very random playgroup occasionally. Is he missing something by not being with the same teacher or kids each day? Or by not being with me? (classes are all parent participation, he's only 20 months)

Lorien - at 20 months what you're doing is great. But I think in the long term, preschool is a good idea. The advantage to a preschool is that there is one classroom community. While classes are fun, they are structured and he's (probably) with different kids in each class. But when enrolled in a preschool class even a couple mornings a week, kids get to know the same kids over time and that can be a really important piece of development. Developmentally your son is still in the parallel play stage (I'm making an assumption here.. his actual development may vary) which means he probably isn't interacting with children very much when playing. Imagine 3 kids all playing blocks, but building separate towers. In the months and years to come he will begin to move toward social play (3 kids building a spaceship or zoo with blocks together), and learning how to play with peers. And opportunities to practice learning how to play with peers are harder to come by at home - even with playdates. The OP (and again, I'm assuming so please speak up if this is incorrect) is seeing her daughter who should be developing these group play skills (imaginative play, sharing of materials, conversations etc) as a 3 year old struggle a bit, and that's why she's considering providing preschool as an additional stimulation.

Whew! What a novel! And, as a preschool teacher, preschool is just fun! :)

[newtricks]

Editing because Heather was writing at the same time as me - Heather, you're too modest! You're shaping young minds (want a smiley here but no can do)


Is preschool better than individual activities? My DS currently as 4 different classes we go to, basically one each morning except Fridays, when we usually do playdates. Also other playdates or a very random playgroup occasionally. Is he missing something by not being with the same teacher or kids each day? Or by not being with me? (classes are all parent participation, he's only 20 months)

Sounds fun! :) I don't think your son is missing anything right now. As he gets older there are some benefits to preschool - although I don't know if I would say a child with the excellent activity level that you're providing would be "missing" anything.

One of the benefits of preschool for my kids was being with an objective professional adult who could guide them through some of the social development. i.e., someone who could assess a squabble, not freak out because it's not her own kid who is hitting or being hit, and respond appropriately and calmly - not always easy for moms! I learned a *lot* from my kids' preschool teachers when the kids were 3, 4, and 5.

I personally, felt it was important for my kids to be with other adults. But many people don't feel that way.

[newtricks]

but I worry that she's going to start school and have no idea how to cope.


I would look into preschool because kids (unfortunately imho) have to hit the ground running in Kindergarten. The focus is on academics and not as much on social development. So they need to be able to participate in a group, follow a routine, interact with peers. If they are spending a lot of energy on the social stuff they might fall behind academically. Even though the *idea* that one could fall behind in kindy is wierd to me, it's reality.

My kids went to a co-operative nursery. We had some sahds and I think they enjoyed it because they became part of the community in a very natural way. (and oh yeah, the kids had a great time too!)

[veschke]

Thanks for all of the suggestions, this is really helpful. :) It's kind of hard sometimes to even articulate this sort of worry, so I really appreciate the info. Our friends have younger kids or no kids at all, so within our existing social group it's been pretty difficult to find things for her to do.

So, how does one go about finding a good preschool? Looks like I might already be too late, but I'd like to look into it (just to make life more fun, we might move later this year, but we don't know whether let alone where yet).

Thanks, everyone. :)

[magdon]

ask around (really, at the playground or whatever; I'm grilling people about kindergarten now). maybe go to the library first & see what resources they have. I know there are a couple books about SF preschools but we're a pretty big city. any place or class where you take your kid might have signs up. and think about what you want from the school-- sounds like a couple mornings a week for social stuff? so you can knock out the full time, academic ones. Good luck!

[cchhbb]

Some of the MOM's type clubs have a preschool open house. The one here was in January. You might want to contact your local club and see if they have one and if you've missed it, they might be able to give you some ideas of who might have openings.

[piyush111]

Hello,
I'm too concerned about what is going on with your baby. A little time ago we also had to cope with the same. I am a father of a 4-year-old boy. Off course preschools and play schools plays a major role to improve your child's social behavior but you also have to look into it. Make such arrangements so that she could spare more time with her parents, invite neighbors and relatives with children for few hours so that she could make something out of it.

[Chelle D]

Here is a link that might come in handy for you - http://www.savvysource.com/

It will at least give you a list of preschools in your area. I found that many here were on the list, even if the preschools themselves did not have any specific info.

I just finished researching preschools because I was debating sending my soon-to-be 3 baby in the fall. In the end I decided to send him, but not until he is 4. We have playdates (I swap babysitting with a friend) on Monday and Friday, we go to MOPS on Tuesdays, library storytime on Wednesdays (but I'm reducing this to once per month) and we visit my dad and grandmother on Thursdays (they live about 40 miles away). So we have a busy schedule, but with DS being an only child, I've had concerns about him socially and think preschool would benefit him in that way.

[veschke]

Thanks for all of the suggestions. The playground is not exactly swamped with people in Massachusetts in February ;) but I've looked at the library and also the local Y to see what programs they have, and I'll see what I can find out about local preschools. Thanks, guys!!

[ssgold]

There are a few free parenting/kids magazines that I find at My Gym, the grocery store, etc. About this time of year, they often have preschool guides with listings of local preschools. I live in NJ but you may find something similar in MA.