OT: 100lbs gone yet I cried all the way home

[greysangel]

Mean people suck.

Last night the scale coughed up exactly .4 lbs for my Weight Watchers 100 lb celebration. Everyone was cheering, the leader had tears in her eyes and I was over joyed. When I finished speaking, a couple of women I have become friends with (in the 100+ club!) actually had tears in their eyes. I was walking on clouds and truly felt blessed.

That elation was killed in less than 10 seconds by a panhandler sitting at the subway entrance. As I walked by he said, "Spare some change for food? HEY FAT GIRL, YOU CAN SPARE SOME CHANGE!" I was too shocked for a smart reply. When you hear it happening to other people, it's so easy to give advice and rationalize that it has nothing to do with you. But even as my mind tried to work it through, the tears were running down my face. I have had comments made to me in the past, but for some reason the fact that a panhandler begging on the street could be in a position to insult *anyone* seemed even worse. And on this day. This day where I felt strong like an Amazon, I rode the subway home crying with my face buried in a book so people wouldn't see my humiliation and pain. Maybe it was that man, maybe it was a reminder of other rude comments in the past. Perhaps it was the flashback to my mother who when I lost 70 pounds congratulated me by saying "Well, you've been up and down so many times, it's really hard to tell" and when I showed her the "before" picture (obvious proof right?) she said, "pictures can be deceiving you know."

Thanks Mom. Thank you nameless beggar. Thank you for reminding me that no matter how much I lose, mean people still suck.

I've updated my website. My dearest cutie in the whole world forced me to last night when all I wanted to do was hug him and cry. It made me feel better though I'm still feeling sort of weary and sad today. I'm hoping that with time, a trip to Tiffany's for my bracelet, a weekend in New Orleans and the support on this board that I can forget the street incident. That I will remember I can do anything I put my mind to. That I am blessed, beautiful and strong like an Amazon.

JeAnne

[KValley]

JeAnne,

I am in tears as I write this. You are so beautiful, strong, and courageous. To hell with stupid, thoughtless people. You are an incredible inspiration and a reminder that we are all capable of amazing things.

I am sending an enormous hug your way.

Besos,

Julie

[Pat]

Keep those positive thoughts! Don't let anyone bring you down! You are to be commended for sticking with it and losing 100 lbs. Keep up the good work and have a happy day.

[lindrusso]

Oh JeAnne - Your post is very moving. Please, please don't let someone who is unhappy with their own life, negatively effect yours. From what I can see, people who are mean to others are really just angry at themselves or at forces at work in their own lives. I know you probably know that, but keep reminding yourself! Don't let anyone take away from all that you have accomplished. 100 pounds - that's fantastic!!! No one can take that away from you unless you let them. And keep surrounding yourself with people, like your "dearest cutie" who are positive, giving and supportive. You go girl!

[cjm]

JeAnne - forget the moocher/bum...and all the other names in the book. He isn't worth anymore of your valuable/precious time.

Congrats. You have accomplished soooo much - keep up the good work!!!!

[SQ]

How sad to get your bubble burst! But, as you know, the whole picture is so much more important. Maybe you were crying for other reasons, also. You must have some many emotions floating around after hitting that huge 100 lb landmark.

Try as hard as you can to let the mean comments go. The panhandler says that to everyone who passes by, for all you know. You have every right to feel strong and proud. Keep up the great progress. You are truly an inspiration. And, of course, enjoying Tiffany's, etc.

[SandyM]

JeAnne,

First off, YOU GO GIRL!!!

You are an amazing and beautiful person, and your web site and stories show all of that and more.

Regarding the man and his comment, it would have been so easy to come up with an equally mean (or even meaner) comeback. But, we don't know his circumstances OR his mental capacity, so you need to try and just let it go. You know the pain and suffering you've gone through to get this far. Do NOT let this set you back ONE BIT!!!

I for one am very proud of you. Thanks for sharing your story, and your life with us all.

Keep up the good work!!!!!!

[LGBurns]

Oh Jeanne, I'm so sorry--what a crappy thing to happen on such an important day. Maybe the best thing to do at first is to sit down and let yourself have a big cry; it always makes me feel better. Then when your done, you can remind yourself that you have achieved a huge accomplishment and no one can take that away from you. You're on your way! I'm sorry your mother feels so threatened by your success that she's unwilling to share in the happiness. As for the panhandler, he's obviously very good at what he does--he clearly found the right button to push in an attempt to humiliate you into helping him. Celebrate that, despite the fact that it hurt your feelings (completely understandably), you didn't give in to his emotional blackmail. Sounds to me like you are indeed a strong woman! Keep moving forward and know there are people who love you and are there for you (like your husband). The others don't know what they're missing. ;)

[Laura]

JeAnne- you are amazing! I can't imagine the strength and fortitude it has taken to accomplish what you have done. I can never understand what causes people to be so hurtful. Know in your heart though, that everyone here is cheering you on and thinks that you are an amazing woman.

[browneye]

I just checked out your web page, you are truly magnificent!!!!!

I am so impressed. You have had a long journey, and have been so successful.

I can't believe that incredibly rude person on the street...but it really must hurt.
Having said that, you must stay focused on the progress....and give 'em a black eye, like your Miss Piggy quote on your webpage!!!

You look so happy and proud in your pictures- it looks like you have at least one very special friend in there!! :D

Glad to meet you, by the way. It is fun to see a BB'r in pictures!

Thanks for sharing, and keep up your great progress.

[Jewel]

Oh JeAnne...I know what you're feeling. First of all, congratulations on the 100 lbs!! There is no reason at all for you to feel humiliated, depressed or sad...but just because you have no real reason doesn't mean you won't.

I lost 100 lbs five years ago. On the day I hit the mark I was dancing around my living room with my dog singing at the top of my lungs. My roommate came into the room, turned down the stereo and asked what was going on. When I told him I'd lost 100 lbs as of that day, he said "Oh...so how many more pounds do you have to go?" He deflated my balloon and all I could do was sink to the couch.

You have worked long and hard to get where you are. REGARDLESS of how much weight you have yet to lose, you have accomplished more than a great many people will ever have the determination and the motivation to even attempt. Sure, you may look in the mirror sometimes and still see what you have YET to lose...but on that mirror, my friend, you need to tape a photo of where you used to be. Friends and family members will never understand completely what you've done and how important it is to you because they haven't been in your size 22 pants and heard the snide comments or haven't gotten a smirk from a stranger when you reach for a second helping of mashed potatoes at a buffet. YOU are the one that has felt those eyes boring into you and YOU are the one that has dealt with those hurtful remarks and rolling eyes. YOU are the one that has had to deal with no one believing you when you say that this time you really mean it and are really going to do it. As well-meaning as family and friends are, because they haven't been through it, they don't know. Don't be too hard on your mother, but if I were you I would look her straight in the eye and tell her that you are very proud of yourself, and that you hope she is too.

You need to remember exactly how you felt when that scale came up to the right number. Go write down in a journal everything you felt, everything that was said to you, and remember those cheers and tears. Reading over that page in your journal will be a source of great comfort for a very long time. Ask yourself how long it's been since you felt that way about yourself? Nothing tastes as good as that feels... ;)

Don't let 'em get to you JeAnne. You've done it!! You did exactly what you set out to do!! Go out and buy yourself something wonderful, grab that wonderful man of yours, and go hit the dance floor this weekend! You're an inspiration, and don't you forget it! We're proud of you!! :D

[Curleytop]

Just pulled up your web page! I THINK YOU ARE AMAZING!
You are so beautiful, and you have made such strides in your weight control. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK! Don't let a homeless, demented slime ruin all amazing weight loss.
Think positive, I know that you can do it!

[Laura B]

WOW, Jeanne! Your accomplishment is truly incredible! I know how very hard it is to lose weight, and you should be very proud of yourself. I really cannot add much of anything after reading all of the replies, especially Jewel's fabulous one. I just wanted you to know that I think you're awesome!!!

[maizeyoats]

JeAnne,
It just seems days ago that I was congratulating you for losing 75 pounds. I thought that was the greatest accomplishment ever and now 100 lbs. WOW!!!
I could think of some very choice words for the panhandler; but it wouldn't have been worth your effort. He's (and others who insult you) are life's losers. You are a loser of pounds YEA! :) :D :p

[munchies]

Jeanne --

So much has been posted here that I'm sure I won't be able to say things any better. But I just want you to know that you are an incredible person for being so dedicated and self-motivated. It takes an awesome inner strength to accomplish all that you have done, so be proud of yourself for that! Don't let anybody take those positive feelings away from you. That slime bucket on the street doesn't deserve to have you spend time thinking about him and being angry!

Anyway, we are all so proud of you and I thank you for letting us in on your life! Keep your chin up!

Heather

[Deanna]

And you are right, mean people DO suck! But most of them dislike themselves and that is why they try to hurt others. They wnat the world to share their misery.

Now...if I had more time...I'd write nearly a book on this subject. It is obvious you are a very sensitive person (so am I!) who would never dream of hurting someones feelings intentionally. Since I have about 30 seconds left of my lunch break, I'm going to share one of my most favorite quotes with you. And remember, how you react is UP TO YOU!

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." -- Eleanor Roosevelt

You just keep on feeling good about yourself. You are a kind and beautiful person with much to offer. This world needs more like you! Take care and hold your chin up!

Deanna

[PJB]

Jeanne,

I am so proud of you and you can't let anyone take away your success! What an amazing thing to accomplish, you go girl!!! All that matters is that you feel good about yourself. Don't worry what those mean people say. As a fellow WW, I support you and I am so happy for you!!!

PJB

[ebobbitt]

Jeanne, congratulations on your loss! I too am a struggling WW member. Do you know what I find to be so amazing about this whole thing? The people in your WW class were so happy and proud for you, yet someone in your own family can't even muster up any support. My mother is the exact same way and it just makes me furious. Lately her comments to me haven't been about my weight but my finances. I've struggled for 4.5 years to pay off credit card debt (only 7 months left) and yet she told me the other morning "If you don't have any money by now, you'll never have any". Just this week I have qualified to purchase my very first house and I haven't even told her. I just think it's sad when family members can't even be as supportive as friends. So Jeanne, I said all of that just to say: YOU GO GIRL! We're all proud of you!

[KellyD]

Jeanne -

Don't you dare let mean people bring you down - you are INCREDIBLE!!! Truly an inspiration - congratulations and keep on keepin' on!!

[Irene Bartlett]

Just went to have a look on your website. You are such an amazing woman and an inspiration for most of us. Keep your chin up, you're beautiful ! ((((( Hugs ))))))

[mandarin2j]

Jeanne-

There's nothing I can add to Jewel's fantastic post, except to say that the fact that so many of us (including me!) cite you as an inspiration is something that you can wrap around you like a warm blanket to ward off cold, nasty, unfeeling comments like those of the homeless man and your mum. I'm so sorry that happened, because I know just how it feels. Even when credible people support you, if random meanies say hurtful things, it's hard to get rid of the sting. Hug your honey lots, and enjoy that sparkley new toy--you earned it! I'm so proud of you.

-Amanda

[RunnerKim]

JeAnne,

Congratulations on your major accomplishment!

Mean people do suck and I'm glad to see that you have surrounded yourself with wonderful, supportive people who know your true worth and accomplishment.

Channel that anger. It's not easy to just "forget it" - instead of letting it fester and depress you - use that anger. Your post was very timely for me, just this morning after I'd wrestled for several minutes with getting up and going running, I finally got out the door only to hear a cattle call from a passing car. When you're running you have plenty of time to obsess and think petty thoughts - and I thought them all. But you know what, I was proud of myself for getting myself up and running and I even was motivated to not cut my run short (the promise I'd made to myself just to get out the door). Being Moo-ed at is pretty mortifing and obviously bothers me quite a bit, but you said it - Mean people just suck. I on the otherhand am a Runner.

Kim

[SClementson]

Jeanne, your post brought tears to my eyes. I'm so sorry about what happened. I can totally understand how that one comment could dredge up the past and all the emotion that goes with it. Having said that, I want you to know that I checked out your website, and I'm truly stunned! You are such a beautiful , talented woman, and you have accomplished so much! And I'm positive that you are well on the road to accomplishing so much MORE. You are a real inspiration to me.

Sarah

[tracey67]

Hi JeAnne,

I, too, was crying when I read your letter. I then checked out your website to see your progress. You are absolutely beautiful!! Don't let some nameless jerk get you down. Remember, when people insult you, it's usually because they're jealous of something in you. Aside from perhaps trying to shame you into giving him money, he probably saw how happy you were and was jealous that he doesn't have that feeling. I think SandyM is right, too, in saying that his mental capacity is probably diminished. REGARDLESS...you should feel so proud of yourself for losing ANY weight, much less the incredible accomplishment of losing 100 pounds!!! And as for your mother and her comment about being up and down so many times....forget whatever awful meaning she intended, and look at it the opposite way -- it's not that you've failed by regaining weight, but rather that you've SUCEEDED so many times by losing it again, and that you've NEVER given up trying!! You have accomplished something that VERY few people are able to do -- and it didn't happen overnight -- you stuck with WW for 10 months!!! to get where you are. PLEASE PLEASE don't let some jerk (or a few jerks) get you down. Remember how strong and wonderful you are, and realize that you are 10 times better than those naysayers. Forget about the panhandler and just remember that wonderful meeting and how proud you felt.
tracey

[funnybone]

First of all, CONGRATULATIONS on your accomplishment. Losing 100 lbs truly amazing! I know you are proud of yourself. Please keep a positive approach.

People who say negative or cruel remarks are doing this to hurt you. They do not share your joy or feel support for you. This is because of their own insecurities and weaknesses. They do not have inner strength and confidence in themselves, so they bully others with nasty remarks. Please do not let them prevent you from celebrating!!!

[greysangel]

Thank you so much everyone. You have all made my day.

The issues with my mom are 29 years worth. Sad to say part of my success today is distancing myself from her. I have tried everything...communication, trying to be the perfect daughter, confrontation, etc...and finally I decided the one way street had to end. Someday I hope things will be different and for now I am thrilled to have the support system I *do* have.

Jewel, all I can say is " oh yes, my friend". Everyone who has food/weight issues has a struggle whether it is 10 lbs or 200 lbs. For people who have over 100 to lose, it is truly a different kind of struggle and therefore a different kind of joy when we get the results.

I can truly say that at 100 lbs lighter, I am a different person. I am able to do things that I couldn't do and have the confidence to express myself in ways I couldn't before. Every lb lost on top of this is icing on the cake so to speak.

And that tastes good.

Thank you again. You have all helped me get back on track head wise and realize what truly is important :D

JeAnne

[kwormann]

Know that your true friends (US!) are more than proud of you. I am highly impressed, seeing that I need to lose 20 and I cant seem to do it, you have lost my 20 - 5X over. That is quite an accomplishment!:)


I know from experience that there are those in the world with the "power" who feel the need to step on those of us who are "weak". Know that there are more of us sweet "weaklings" who may get stepped on in the walk of life, but in the end we will come out ahead for being the better person. We are out here and will always be there for each other.

I am proud of you!

[SueK]

JeAnne- I cannot even fathom the discipline and inner-strength that it took you to get to the fantastic place you were at your WW meeting last night. You should take great pride in your accomplishment--what an inspiration!

I completely agree with the others that people who put others down and belittle them are very unhappy people, and their only way of making themselves feel better is to make others feel worse.

I'm sure it's hard to put those instances aside, but for every one "doubting Thomas" or mean person in your life, believe me, I'm sure there are countless people pulling for you and that are proud of you and do believe in you!!

[Mbart]

Jeanne,

I think your accomplishment is so admirable and inspiring. I never realized how difficult it is to lose weight, until I realized I needed to lose some myself. Changing my eating and exercise habits and losing weight was one of the more difficult exercises in discipline I have EVER gone through. I have such respect for you regarding your 100 lb. weight loss. That takes incredible, sustained discipline, and it truly is a very wonderful accomplishment.

I am so sorry for the hurtful comment, and I believe the vast majority of us, if not all of us, can relate due to some thoughtless or mean-spirited person sometime in our life. It cuts to the core, and reminds us just how powerful (negative, as well as positive) the tongue can be.

"I know that the tongue has the power of life and death... (Proverbs 18:26a)

The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit. (Proverbs 15:4)

Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. (Proverbs 12:18)

Your story has reminded me today that I need to choose my words carefully, and always use words that encourage, rather than tear down. Thank you for sharing your story, and reminding me how easily I can use my tongue negatively, especially to those that I love the most.

I hope that you can surround yourself with those that are wise, and are blessed with healing words.

[SusanL]

I can't add more to what has already been said, but let it be known that we are so proud and grateful to have you in our lives!! I can't say anymore than this, look at the outpouring of kindness from the people who really care!!

[burleydee]

Your post brought tears of pure FURY to my eyes!

That panhandler isn't a loser because he's a bum ... he's a loser because he feels the need to tear others down to make himself seem worthwhile.

You are on an amazing journey, and you should be SO proud of every step you have taken! Don't let the troglodytes of the world distract you from feeling every bit the strong, beautiful, powerful woman that you are.

[SusieO]

JeAnne,
I got goosebumps when I saw the title of your post because I saw "100 lbs" and didn't notice the "yet." So my first instinct is to simply say:

WAY TO GO, GIRL!!!!

What an amazing accomplishment. I've read your story on your web site, and I think you are a wonderful, amazing, beautiful person.

You're right: mean people do suck. Just please don't let those mean people ruin this special time for you. There are plenty of nice people ready and waiting to negate them.

[Beth]

First, don't let anyone rob you of your accomplishments or the pride of achieving them. No one on the street (and I mean that generally -- anyone from the public who doesn't know you--not just those living on the street) stands qualified to judge you or your life. Anyone worth worrying about would not be so careless with opther people's feeling without any provocation.

As for your mother, she obviously has other issues to deal with. Maybe it's as simple as the fact that she cares a great deal and it hurts her to see your ups and downs -- maybe she's trying to buffer her own hopes and expectations. You can still prove her wrong. We remember heros for their accomplishments, not the failures that came before. If her issues are more complex, you won't change them with your weight loss success, but you will feel better about yourself and your ability to deal with her and everything else that comes your way.

If you see the bum again, tell him you've lost 100 lbs and that if he gave half that kind of effort to his life, he wouldn't be begging for money. Further, when you reach your goal and feel as good on the outside as you do on the inside, he'll still be mean, nasty and pitiful. Just the facts, mam.

Now, I think I'll come back and read this thread when I need some inspiration. Just when my age dictated that I be more dedicated about exercise, nature also gave me 3 herniated discs in a neck that is falling apart so my activity limits are pretty low and non-impact. Cruel irony.

[HARRYET]

JeAnne,

I can't really add much more than whats already been said, except I "ditto" everything.

Be proud of yourself, you have accomplished so much!

Keep your chin up, the best is yet to come :)

Ann

[RobinC]

Wow, the century mark! Congratulations seem like such an understatement. :)

I am a big girl who has struggled with my weight for years (I am a size 18). My DB's mom and sister-in-law are small - no weight issues. A month or so at dinner DB's mom, who is a manager at a ladies clothing boutique, commented how surprised is at the increasing demand for stylish clothes in larger sizes. The SIL shared her surprise. I decided at that time I needed to represent the large women of america. I told them that yes, us larger women do like to be fashionable, and that the average size of women in the US is 14. That shook them up a bit. For some reason they seemed to be surprised that I knew what large women want. Oh come on! You can tell by looking at me that I am a large girl!!! Size does not have to be a taboo subject.

My mentor at work has lost 200 lbs! Her advise to me was, next time I am at dinner with the DB's family say, "I have something important to tell you. I have VD.......Just kidding, actually I just wanted to tell you that I am fat."

On the bum....all I can think is, as soon as some one says "Hey fat girl" that sure is going to make me turn around and give someone something, especially some stranger asking for money. :rolleyes:

[venus]

JeAnne,

I know so many people have posted already, but I wanted to add one more WOW to the list. I looked at your website and I am truly impressed. You are a beautiful women, and so happy. You have accomplished something that not many people could, and you deserve every bit of praise you are getting here...and more! Ignore the bum...he's obviously in a bad place, and i am very sorry about your mom being the way she is. Just remember, you are the person who needs to be happy with you!

[JulieM]

I just want to add one thing to all the wonderful things that have been said. Your mother sounds like one of those rare, insecure and jealous parents. It's hard to imagine a parent being jealous of their child, but it happens, and they say things that can be so damaging and they are CLUELESS! Unfortunately, a parents words can completely derail an adult child in their positive efforts. Please don't let that happen to you. Watch for the signs. Talk a lot about this to a close friend if you can, and if that's not an option, seek counseling to help you through this problem. Continue to believe in yourself and gather strength from that belief and from the success you have already achieved!

[browneye]

Jewel, Greysangel, and others...

I just had to add something. Reading through your posts.....I had no idea how cruel people are... and what you folks have been through/ are going through. The cattle calls, name calling, remarks and dirty looks. I had no idea that people can be that awful. I had no idea that you are/were subjected to that Unbelievable. :(
I appreciate now, even more than before, what you all have and are continuing to accomplish.

I just had no idea.... wow.

You guys are amazing.:D

[funnybone]

A friend of mine has "divorced" herself from her parents. It was really from her mother, but her father is so "intimidated" of his wife, that he stuck by her. It has been 10 years, and she is a much stronger, secure person. It was a tough decision to make, but in the end it was the only thing to do. She had been emotionally and physically abused as a child, and the emotional abuse was continuing into her late 20's. My friend and her DH are successful in their careers, and have worked very hard to provide for their families. When they bought their first home about 12 years ago, her mother told her that "they had to be doing something illegal to afford such a home" (only because she had never owned her own home). Can you believe that!!! It's so sad that people like that are parents!

[greysangel]

Funnybone;

I believe it because I laughed when you said that...it could have come straight from my mother's mouth! lol. Mind you I have *never* gotten into trouble, had great grades, a full talent scholarship to college, had a job to live off campus, moved to nyc on my own, and oh yes, picked up the pieces (made all the arrangements, sent the thank you notes, wrote the obituary) when my dad died from cancer my senior year of college.

I have divorced myself from my mother. It was an extremely difficult decision being the sensitive soul that I am :) I gave up walking the one way street and being miserable. With the help of an extremely supportive husband, I have learned that it is ok to be an orphan and ok to ask for help from people who have the equiptment to give it. My mother knows (at least I have expressed it in writing) that when she is willing to accept any responsibility in our relationship, I am willing to make an attempt in at least having open communication. Needless to say two years later..the phone hasn't rung and the mailbox has been empty.

It's all good!!! At 29 years of age, I have so many people tell me how mature I am..that I have accepted and learned things that people sometimes never get. I have a husband who loves me 100% (when I announced my engagement, mom said he was after me for a green card), I have a pretty great job that gives me flexibility to pursue my dreams (despite dreams being a waste of time and money), I have a roof over my head, a very cute puppy and I am blessed with the capacity to love and give freely of myself.

Someday there will have to be a thread on the things we can't believe people have the gall to say :)

Thank you all so much, you have no idea what you have done for me today. At the very least, I have kept my away from the evil seductors Ben & Jerry :D

JeAnne

[masimmons]

Congratulations on a wonderful and very difficult accomplishment! That is such a big deal. I have been trying to lose 35 pounds for over a year now, but seem to manage to lose 25 and then not the rest. I can't imagine how hard it would be to lose 100 pounds.

The street guy is such a loser. Not only can he not support himself except by sponging off others, he can't even do that right. I mean, wouldn't you be nice to someone you were trying to get something out of? What a jerk!

I can totally empathize with you and your mother situation. I now live about 800 miles from mine and just returned from an annual viist. She didn't even notice that I had lost any weight (although my friends did), got insulted and mad because I wouldn't dring 2% milk or eat a bunch of fried stuff (guess what Mom, that is one reason I have a weight problem) and in general, is incapable of even saying a nice word to me. No matter what I do or say, it is wrong. But you know what, I have come to the conclusion that she is a miserable person. She is to the point that she doesn't seem to be able to say anything nice (even neutral) about hardly anyone. This is pretty sad thing to say about the woman I would really like to be closest with in the world. What I try to keep in mind is that this is an example of how I don't want to ever get and I can't do anything about it.

I probably have rambled on about this for too long, but your email really hit a nerve. Keep your chin up and be very very proud of yourself and be thankful that you have other wonderful, positive people around you for support and encouragement.

[Jessica]

JeAnne,

Your story reminded me of something similar that happened to me. In March, two of my childhood friends and I traveled to New Orleans to celebrate our 30th birthdays. The first day was gorgeous and 75 (we had all left the dreary, cold Midwest) and we quickly changed into shorts, T-shirts and sandals and walked out to explore the city.

We had not even walked a block from our hotel in the French Quarter when a bum walked by and yelled, "Y'all are UGLY. Y'all are dogs." We all sort of laughed it off but it was hard. None of us would win a beauty contest, and that probably made it harder. All of us were teased as children for not fitting into the popular cliques. That jerk's comments brought it all back.

It hurts when strangers make horrible comments, but you just have to keep reminding yourself over and over that you accomplished an amazing thing for your health and self-esteem and no bum can take that away from you.

My DH often asks me why comments from strangers or acquaintances mean more than the compliments from him, the person who loves me most. I have no answer for him.

Regarding the mom thing--I am sure my experience is different from other people's, but maybe this story will help someone. My mom and I are close, but she is my height and probably 25 pounds slimmer. Somehow she kept her high school figure and I left mine in high school :) She would try to commiserate with me by saying how she had put on a few pounds or was trying to lose weight, and this was so upsetting to me, because it made me feel I was TOTALLY inadequate. Finally, she said something to me a month before my wedding about how she wanted to lose weight. I was distraught because I'd wanted to lose 20 lb for the wedding and had only managed about 5. I just told her I did not want to hear it, that she was making me feel bad.

You know what? She stopped. I have had to remind her once or twice during the two years since that conversation, but for the most part, she stopped.

[Susann]

JeAnne,
I ditto what everyone else has said. Just went to your web page and (pardon me yelling, but...)YOU LOOK GREAT!!!! Way to go!

[ama47369]

I just wanted to say that I am also proud of you! That is such a wonderful accomplishment. Very inspirational to myself and others. You truely are a beautiful person!

[JanetB]

Congrats on your weight loss!!!

Please remember that person who yelled at you is likely at the lowest point in their life. People at that point are always looking for company. (Either that or he is seriously suffering from mental illness!) It always entertains me that folks who beg think insulting people will encourge giving!

Although it hurts down to the core of you - - - hold your head up high. You know what you accomplished - - and that is 90% of the battle!:D

[beejayw1]

Hey, JeAnne -

Everyone's said all the good, supportive things about what that bum said, and aside from suggesting that you 'Consider the source,' regarding the original comment, I have nothing to add. It's all been good advice and commiseration. (Why is it that we are far more willing to believe something said by someone who doesn't know us and who is trying to be hurtful than to believe the supportive things said by our loved ones?)

Just a comment or two: your journey to lose those 100 lbs is not just about weight loss. It's about discovering your own strength and learning to discipline yourself and find enjoyment in things that you didn't have before. You've outgrown that pan-handler's mentality, if you ever had it, and you're beyond it. And just think: as the days go by you'll be leaving that weight and that incident farther and farther behind!

As to your website: very nice! I love that Enya song. Looking at your photos, I have to say that you can really see the changes. It's sort of like seeing a butterfly come out of a cocoon.

You were pretty to start with, but your cheekbones become more and more defined in each photo, and your eyes stand out more. You stand straighter, your smile is brighter, and with each succeeding photo you seem more at ease.

I can't wait to see the continuing ones!

:)

[GayeC]

Wow! I am not sure that anything remains to be said that has not been said eloguently by the wonderful women on this board (apologies to Ralph, Matt, and our other male colleagues!). Your accomplishment is fantastic, your Web site is terrific, your pictures are beautiful, and your husband is a doll! Oh, and the guy on the street is a bum, in every sense of the word.

Gaye

[karen w]

Boy, that panhandler is pretty ignorant and will stay very poor if he begs people for money while insulting them!

You are obviously a much smarter, stronger person than that fool...just look what he does for a living as testimony to that fact!!

You just keep up the FANTABULOUS (this is a word in my dictionary! honest!!) work, and keep us all posted. We are all cheering for you. You have accomplished more than most people are capable of, and it's the little (and jealous) people who try to get in the way.

Knock their socks off!!
Karen W.

[katygirl]

Ok, I just peeked at your website, and you are beautiful and amazing too. Don't let anyone get you down, not when you have worked so hard to get where you are.

[Jessica]

I had an idea, JeAnne. Maybe you could offer to set up a Website for the bum. You know--here's me after 3 months, showered and shaved, stocking shelves at Trader Joe's. Here's me after 9 months, in Dockers and a button-down, answering phones at Acme Birdseed. Here's me after three years and some treatment, wearing a suit and tie and talking to clients on the cell phone in my BMW.

I checked out your Website and you look so happy. I love the shot with the prom dress.

[suziking]

JeAnne!

I send you hugs and congratulations! You are an inspiration!

I know how how it is to get the weight off - after three pregnancys!

That is such an awesome accomplishment! You just remember how great it feels when you pull on those sexy pants! You go girl!

[SoCal]

Oh JeAnne, I am so glad I didn't read this at work or I would have been crying in my cubicle instead of crying at home! Obviously from all the posts, you have many friends here. I'm just so sorry that your outstanding accomplishment was tarnished by an insensitive person (if you can call him that). Your mother, well, that is another sad story but I can certainly relate to parents that can never be happy for their children (I won't go there!). I can only echo what everyone has already said. You must hold your head up and be so proud of the weight you have lost. What an inspiration to others! Please don't let ignorant people get in the way of how you feel about yourself and reaching and achieving your goals (sometimes that is easier said than done, I know). Keep up the hard work. Thank you for letting us share in your victory!

((((((((((((((( OK, GROUP HUG ))))))))))))))))

[jd]

JeAnne, add my congratulations to the list - what an accomplishment! Your web site is great and I have bookmarked it for inspiration.

[CathyPA]

My heart broke when I read your message. As you can tell from the multitude of responses, you always have support here. I too have struggled with my weight, and like you, have found that WW is a real source of support. As your website so ably shows, you have a "family" with your fellow WW members, and they obviously care about you. Like so many have already said, whether it's a stranger or your own mother, their behavior is indicative of a problem with them, not you. Don't give them the permission to feel less than the success that you really are!

Keep your chin up and know that you have another "sister" who is very proud of you.

Cathy

[mariakj]

I read your post and felt the same pain that you felt. I went for my walk tonight and thought about you the whole time. Isn't that weird, I don't even really know you but what you wrote really hit me. Everyone on the board has been so supportive and tryed to cheer you up, which is great. At first I wasn't going to post a reply because I thought I would just be saying the same things as everyone else. Then I figured that I would try empathy instead.

I have also struggled with my weight my whole life. Last August when my first child turned 4 months old I took a look at myself and realized that I really need to get in shape for him and for me. I started walking that day and trying to eat right. I have busted my butt since that day and have managed to lose 70 lbs. So to me your accomplishment of 100 lbs. in less than a year is truly amazing. I'm so proud of you and I know that you are proud of yourself, because I know how good I feel everyday when I walk around feeling lighter and healthier. Buying clothes is such a happy experience now, no more searching for the biggest size at the plus size store.

I know how tough it is to have people make ugly remarks about your weight. I'll just share a couple of mine with you. I was shopping one day in Target and I saw a mommy with her little boy standing near me. This little boy was so cute, so I started making silly faces at him and said hi. He turned to his mother and with the most disgusted look on his face said "Mommy, that woman is really fat!" It wiped the smile right off my face. I couldn't believe how much it hurt. I know that he was only like 4 years old and didn't know any better and for that matter had no intention of upsetting me, but it still really hurt. His mom just told him that he shouldn't say that and walked off because she was embarrassed. My other insensitive story is about my mother-in-law. I went on vacation with my husbands family six months before we got married. We were having a lovely time and I was feeling relaxed (not feeling any wedding stress)and pretty good. We went to dinner at a very fancy dress up restaurant one night and I had bought this really nice new dress and was feeling really good about myself. At dinner while the whole family was making conversation, my mother-in-law out of the blue starts talking about Weight Watchers, which a friend of hers had just joined. No one was even talking about weight, so I don't know why she got on the subject. Then she totally kicked me in the guts when she said, "Maybe you should go to Weight Watchers, Maria. Maybe they could help you. My friend is very large and so far it is working for her." I just could not believe it. Everyone at the table just looked stunned. I literally wanted to start crying at that very moment right there into my caesar salad. I was mortified. My fiancee looked at his mother and said "Mom let's not talk about that" and my brother-in-law leaned into her and told her that she was really rude. She honestly didn't mean to hurt me or be rude, she just thought she was making conversation and being helpful. Maybe she just thought that I might want to lose some weight before the wedding. I still hurt. So for what every its worth I feel your pain. I know how you feel and I'm sorry that it had to hit you when you were feeling so high.

[crazycook]

Congratulations, JeAnne! Don't let anyone break your spirit! I've visited your website--your smile and the warmth in your eyes speaks volumes. My favourite picture is the one with your husband. The smiles on both your faces tells of the love and happiness you both share. God Bless you both, and keep you strong, healthy and happy. *HUGS*
Anna :)

[Terri-Lynn2]

Congradulations on reaching such a milestone.

The person that said that to you on the street, was of course not directing this at you because of your weight. It seems to be something that children pick up at school age, the ability to look at someone and notice something different and go right for the heart. It could very well have been about your race or the way you looked. It seems that there is not alot people in the "public" who truly believe that they have the right to say either directly to you or to the person standing next to them whatever insult or derogatory remark that they so choose. No matter who hurtful or harmful this is. If people would spend half of this mean spirited energy giving off caring warm thoughts to one another each and everyone of us would benefit. That is what makes the BB a truly special place, because we are warm hearted strangers who love friendship and to cook.

Take care and keep your chin held high!!

Terri

[KimKelly]

JeAnne.... first of all let me also add my congratulations on you incredible accomplishment! You are truly an inspiration. I've forwarded your website to my mother who has been large her whole life and now at the age of 65 is working with a group called TOPS to lose weight. It is slow going, she is only donw 40 lbs in 1 year, but at least it's going! Your pictures are not decieving to me, you are definitely a fraction of the size you were! Your smile says it all.

My husband once told me something that I keep in mind when people say mean things. Usually when the person saying the "mean" thing says it it is because they are feeling bad about themselves. People try to bring happy people down to make their position seem better, misery loves company.

Hang in there, perk up! No one can take your hard work and achievements away. You still lost 100 lbs, he's still homeless... so there mean guy!

Kim

[Jewel]

JeAnne, I'm thrilled to see so much support here on this board for you, and so happy that you've started feeling better. These posts from others regarding the attitude of family and friends, however brings up something else that I've learned over the years that might benefit you. I'll say the same thing here that I said in an email to a friend earlier today when we were discussing this.

Your mother, and even your friends, can feel very threatened by your weight loss. In some ways, they are very afraid for you to lose weight. You may say no, but think about it in a different way. Imagine this scenario: You and I are best buddies, and have been for years. You weigh 300 lbs, and I weigh 150. It's always been that way, we both love each other the way we are, and we're comfortable. In our circle of friends, I'm known as the 'skinny one'. I'm also the one that supports you when you're feeling depressed, the one that goes shopping with you and tells you honestly when a particular outfit makes you look dumpy or if it really slenderizes you a bit. I'm the friend that you know you can come to for honesty and laughter, the one that gives you a hug when cruel panhandlers say nasty things to you on the street, or kids at Target blurt out mean comments.

Fast forward a year. You've been dieting and exercising and you have lost 170 lbs! You now weigh 130 lbs. Less than I do!! Sure, I'm proud as heck of you and thrilled to death FOR you, but on the other hand, I'm a bit jealous. I'm also terrified that I've lost my place in your life. We've actually swapped roles. You no longer need me to lean on. You don't need me to help you find clothes that look halfway decent on you, you don't need me to stick up for you anymore, and in our circle of friends, I'm no longer known as 'the skinny one'. In fact, no matter where we go together now, all anyone can talk about is how good YOU look, and how they can't believe it's really you! Suddenly I'm even more scared, feeling even more threatened. As far as I'm concerned, now I have to lose weight to 'keep up' and to not be known as the 'fat one' in comparison to you. I also have no idea why you're still going to be friends with me, since you're now so skinny and pretty that you could have any friend you want! So even though I'm very proud of your accomplishment, I'm also terrified that it's going to affect me adversely, or that I'm going to lose my place in your life.

In some ways, parents are the same way. We need our mothers when we have weight issues, money issues or love issues. If any of those things are suddenly taken care of, sure they're happy for us, but at the same time we've unwittingly modified their role in our lives, and that can be scary.

I guess what I'm trying to say is friends and family are proud of you...they're probably just feeling a little nervous about how it is going to affect them and their relationship with you in the long run! You're a different person now, and they also see that. How will THAT affect them? Smile and hold your head high, and remember that they love you. They just need to come to terms with their feelings and show it a bit more. ;)

[BethR]

There's little I can add to all of the other posts, but I just had to respond. Your post made me stop and stare at my screen with my mouth open and tears in my eyes. What you have accomplished is wonderful and amazing and I'm so sorry your special day was spoiled by a panhandler. I was so glad to read on and see that you have such very supportive people in your life to counteract random mean people and your much-less-than-supportive mother. Keep yourself surrounded by those people -- the ones who deserve the friendship of someone so special. You rock!

Beth

[suziking]

mariakj - I found your note very touching! I have a four year old boy and he said something like that once and I was dumbfounded and totally embarrassed as someone who constantly struggles with my weight too. If that were your son - how would you handle his comment?

... trying to each my son to be respectful. Thanks.

[food girl]

Calling someone 'fat' is awful

. . . but so is calling someone a bum. a loser and a fool.


How many of you have been hurt because someone treated you as less of a person because you were overwieght, or implied that you 'deserved' those extra pounds?

Posts have implied that this homeless man is somehow less a person and deserves to be homeless.


Do you not hear that you are judging him with the same blind standards that he judged JeAnne?


a little disappointed in humanity,
Lisa

[JulieM]

Lisa, I really do appreciate the sentiment that I'm sure you intended in your post, but the fact remains that the man was mean, and the effort here was to diffuse the hurt that he caused and lend support to a friend. Even if he was a successful stockbroker, he still behaved like a bum. And saying he's a bum is not a bad thing if that's what he is, it's just stating the truth. To call him a bum to his face, however, would in fact be mean also. I agree, though, that the lesson here has to do with not judging a book by its cover as well as treating others as we would all like to be treated. I think everyone that has posted on this thread believes in those principals.

[Beth]

Lisa, I agree with Julie. I started to come back and edit my post, because I am not without sympathy to those less fortunate or those struck by misfortune or devastation and I did not want to imply that I would be equally critical of anyone on the street -- or possibly even this man in another moment.

I think we are reacting to and talking about this man's behavior and his character as reflected by his behavior. I used the word "bum", but I could be (and have been) just as critical of the behavior of a man in a tux, Rolex and driving a car with a house's price tag. True, we don't know this man's life story, the state of his mental health or what brought him to that point, but we do know what his actions were in that moment. I speak to his behavior in that moment, not his position in humanity.

I don't think you can read or participate in this BB and truly feel the members do not value people of all walks. This is an incredibly caring and supportive group, and I truly believe that had there been a post about someone living on the street with a struggle and a positive outlook or even a civil relationship with those around him you would have seen an entirely different response. We shouldn't be any quicker to judge each other than we would be those we may talk about.

[Deanna]

It is entirely possible for a homeless person to be a kind person and not one who verbally and maliciously attacks others. What makes this guy a "bum" is the fact that he EXPECTS others to give to him, and if they choose not to or cannot at the time, he gets nasty and abusive rather than sympathetic.

I don't believe anyone here looks down on homeless folks just because they are homeless. This is a very caring group of people as witnessed by the large number of postings (and viewings!) of this thread.

[food girl]

I believe that the people on this bb are exeptional. I see this group as caring and supportive as well as creative, talented and special.

Yes! This bb is a very caring group of people to each other and would be caring as some one stated " to a homeless person with a good outlook or at least a civil relationship".
But you see, that is the easy part - to be kind and caring to those who are nice to us and who love us. There are so many people in the world who need someone, anyone to be nice to them even if they are nasty to your first. It is a constant struggle for me, and honestly I am really bad at it but I am trying to be more aware of opportunities to break the cycle of un-grace in my life.

I guess in reading posts about "balance in your life" and "body image" I hear an underlying message of people just wanting to be loved and accepted the way they are, no strings attached.

I just think that this group is a little more than your average group of women and I wasn't trying to do anything other than make people aware.