March PreK - Kindergarten Moms

[LA98]

Hi everyone, just thought I'd start the thread to get it going. I have wanted to check in with you all SO many times in the past few weeks. It's been totally insane here, so much going on! Jason had an ear infection that took 3 rounds of antibiotics to kick, and Brian...well, he's a much longer story. :) Have had quite a lot of developments on the kindergarten issue. I will definitely pop back in soon because I really want your opinions!!

Kim, just have to say, what awful news about your director. And especially awful that Lainey has to deal with it at her age... :( Hugs to you both.

Lori

[cchhbb]

Hi Lori, Sorry to hear about Jason's ear infection. I've been lucky that Griffin has gotten only a couple and they cleared up quickly. Garrett's never had one.

We've been terribly sick around here for about 2 weeks. I had tonsilitis and an ear infection two weeks ago and ran a fever of over 103 for about 3 days. Then Griffin came down with it, then Garrett. Both boys were over it in about 2 -3 days without drugs. Dh finally went to the doctor on Monday.

Kim, I'm so sorry to hear about your director. Poor Lainey.

Every night after dinner, Garrett and I have been practicing riding his bike on the road. We live at the end of the street that is a small incline so we ride down the hill to the stop sign and then pedal home. Then we go jogging to the front of the subdivision. Garrett has never riden on a hill before so it's rough teaching him to put on his brakes. Griffin doesn't want to try the street yet so he rides around the driveway with DH.

Griffin has been into imaginative play big time. It's exhausting me. I've been a firefighter all week where I have to wear a hat, live in a firestation and use the vaccum hose to put out fires. It really is cute, but it goes on for hours. He just doesn't play well by himself.

Garrett and I have been working on his handwriting a lot the last couple of weeks. I can really see an improvement. Although his S's and 8's look really rough. I felt bad for him after he wrote a S last night and he said I don't do a good job writing S's. Poor kid. We've been struggling with tying shoes too. He has a tough time with doing tasks that require his hands to do different things.


I need to run. I have to work on tagging things for the consignment sale next week.

cheryl

[hrk]

Good morning all.

Lori- Sorry to hear about the rough time clearing up the ear infection. Ari had the same issue in early February one round of amox and the one round of zithro and the doctor said that the infection was gone but there was still some fluid, we should wait and see.
What are the developments with kindergarten?

Cheryl- That is great that Garrett is working on riding his bike. We tried taking Logan's training wheels off his bike, but it really upset him, so we are going to put them back on for a while.

We had a crazy busy weekend in our household. Friday night my mom flew in. Saturday we started with swim lessons again, but at least this is the last six weeks now for a while. We don't do them in the late spring or over the summer. Logan is doing really well and even getting to the point where he can swim on his back so he may be able to move up levels next fall.
Saturday afternoon my mom and I went to an afternoon tea baby shower for my SIL. It was very nice and my MIL found these adorable 2 cup tea pots as the favors.
Saturday night and Sunday morning was spent cooking for the 30 family and friends we had over for Ari's birthday. He doesn't turn 2 until the 10th, but we will be out of town this weekend so we celebrated a week early. Ari seemed to really enjoy being the center of attention, but that was not so easy for Logan to handle. Especially watching Ari open his gifts. Usually we tell the boys they have to share almost everything, but we really felt like Ari needed to be able to enjoy his gifts alone for a little while.
Yesterday was my birthday. DH and the boys made me a delicious dinner and got me some great gardening gloves. It was a nice quiet celebration.
And Friday we leave for Houston for 4 days. DH has a conference and the boys and I will be staying with one of my best friends from grad school. She met Logan when he was 1 and she hasn't met Ari so I am very excited.
Hope everyone else is well and had a great weekend.
Heather

[LA98]

Happy belated birthday, Heather!!! Hope you have a great time on your trip!

Cheryl, ugh, hope you are all feeling better soon.

Okay, here's my saga. Sorry it's so long:

I posted that I'd been struggling this whole time with the kindergarten issue, but in the past several weeks I witnessed so many incidents myself that I came to the (obvious) conclusion on my own that Brian's just not ready for kindergarten. In the interest of getting out of the house, I had signed him up for indoor soccer, gymnastics, and we've been going to storytime at the library. I saw what they're talking about at school: At soccer, they set up drills; Brian got bored and started fooling around, etc. At gymnastics, he jumped in the foam pit without being told it was okay to do so, etc. At storytime, he kept interrupting the librarian with comments on the story. Twenty kids at each activity all doing what they're supposed to be doing except for Brian. Okay, I get it. My neighbor is the director of a preschool, I went to her for advice and she agreed with me that he should not repeat the same 4-year-old program. Her school has a program for 5-year-olds, they call it a transitional kindergarten. She arranged for Brian to sit in on a whole class one morning while I sat and observed. He was introduced to the teacher, who was really fabulous, and he went right into the crowd of kids and did everything they did the whole class. And I was happy to see he could do what they were doing: repeating his phone number, making a simple word on a felt board, etc. He fit right in with them. He did have a few issues though, he wanted to take an extra turn with an activity he liked, and he got up a couple of times to check out things in the room or come over to me and Jason. The teacher thought nothing of it when I talked to her after the class, she said they work on stuff like that in there. So I registered him right then and next year is all taken care of. I'm very excited that he'll be going there.

As for the trouble he's been having at his current school: I got his progress report at the beginning of February, half of the items on there were marked as not evident or something similar. Things like following directions, obeying class rules, etc. There was also a note suggesting a speech evaluation. :confused: So I requested a conference, which just took place last Friday. It was absolutely awful. You know how when someone is going to tell you a bunch of bad stuff they start off with something good? Well, I didn't hear even one positive thing about him the whole time. :( His teachers said his speech is unclear and they can't understand him. I was surprised to hear that, but okay, I'll arrange to have an evaluation done. Their other comments were that he's too impulsive, won't listen to them, doesn't follow directions, wants to have his way all the time, doesn't stay on task, not focused, etc. Oh, and this one I loved: He's a terrible colorer. :rolleyes: Yesterday when I took Brian to school there was a pamphlet in his mailbox about ADHD. :mad: :mad: I asked the director about it, and she said the teachers thought I should speak to my pediatrician about getting Brian screened for the early precursors of ADHD. I had been so upset on Friday hearing so many negative things about my son, but that yesterday just had me in tears. I am beyond upset....

At the conference, I was trying hard not to come across as a "not my child" kind of parent but at the same time I was trying to make them understand a few things: First and foremost, there's a new baby in the house. I can track his behavior issues right to when Jason started crawling and getting into his stuff. He's having a very hard time with it. Just a few weeks ago, he broke down one night crying and was able to verbalize, for the first time ever, that he didn't want Jason anymore and that he was tired of him. :( Second, Brian is by far the youngest kid in his class. A teacher had mentioned once that a lot of the kids are 11 months older than him, which is bad enough, but there was a boy celebrating his 6th birthday in class yesterday, while Brian just turned 4 1/2 at the end of February! I'm not saying he's not immature, but I think he's looking a lot more immature compared to the kids in his class... I also told them that he never, ever had any trouble like this at his old school, but once they heard it was a daycare center they seemed to discount what I was saying... :rolleyes:

[JoanneOR]

Thanks for starting this thread, Lori. Our last one had fallen of the first page.

Cheryl, ugh, lots of sickness! Glad you're all feeling better. You're a great mom to play fireman with Griffin. ;)

Heather, we are starting swim lessons next Saturday. All four kids at the same time on Saturday mornings at 9:15. Should be interesting! DH has promised to come to all the lessons with us. Actually, I'm lucky - he'll have three kids to take into the locker rooms and get ready and I'll just have Caitlyn. Works out pretty good! Happy Birthday to you and Ari!!

(((Lori)))), I just wanted to pick up the phone and call you after I read your message. I can so relate. I'm glad you found a good solution to the kindergarten dilemna. I have to say the things you mentioned about soccer and gymnastics were just like my son Ian did. He played baseball for a year. He spent most of the time in the outfield playing in the dirt. When he played soccer, he'd be more interested in talking to other players, and yes, playing in the dirt. We soon learned sports weren't his forte. :) And, what kid isn't going to want to jump into a ball pit?? I don't think the things you mentioned Brian does are so unusual or should be red flags. Some kids are just more impulsive, easily bored, etc. I hate that everyone wants to label everyone. As for the speech evaluation, have you noticed problems with his speech? So much of what you said the teachers said at that evaluation were the same things they said to me about Colin years ago. He's a terrible colorer????? Give me a break!! I'm upset about that - I can imagine how you felt? Who cares?? My boys were absolute horrible colorers and were terrible with writing in kindergarten. They got better with time - doesn't mean anything's wrong with them. And to put an ADHD pamphlet in your mailbox???? Why not just bring it up at the evaluation? Just seems really cheesy to do that. Like you said, he's young. At this age 11 months can make a huge difference in maturity levels. It seems like you have an idea about why his behavior might have changed. Just do your best to reassure him and try to do some things one on one with him. Hang in there until this school year is over. It sounds like his new school is ideal for him and the teachers much more realistic in their expectations. OK, I'm done! Your whole story just mad me angry for you!!

I was going to write more, but I've run out of time! I'll check back in later...

[RunnerKim]

((((((Lori)))))) Whoa. You've been dealing with a lot lately. :( First and foremost I'm glad you've found a great option for Brian next year. Is there any way you can move him to the new center earlier than the Fall? I'm not expert on ADD/ADHD but I thought it was way too soon to even be thinking about those kinds of things. I sort of thought it was developmentally normal for kids of this age to have short attention spans, little impulse control, etc. etc. I know personalities vary greatly in children and some are naturally more rule followers and/or calmer children but others most definitely aren't. I could be wrong though - maybe there are early predictors for ADD/ADHD (but totally inappropriate of his teacher to put something in his box without talking to you first - especially since you'd just had an in depth conversation with them!!! :mad: ) If you have a good relationship with your pediatrician I would certainly bring it up because my guess is that you'll get a lot of reassurance on that front.

I think I'd also be very tempted to ask point blank about the "good qualities" they see in Brian. And I think it's a very valid point about the age differences in his current class which also supports you finding the transitional K program for him. It sounds like you are doing so much right. More hugs!!

Yes, once those younger siblings start to crawl their novelty surely does wear off! Lainey loves being a big sister most of the time but she has even been known to say she wished Jamie wasn't her brother (note she didn't not want a younger brother - just one that was less annoying and more biddable :rolleyes: :D ).

Heather - Happy Birthday!!! child birthdays are so hard on the older sibling. Sounds like you have had a lot of busy fun. Have a great time in Houston.

Cheryl - our children seem to parallel each other often! Jamie is also very big in to imaginative play - much more than Lainey ever was/is. Jamie rotates more than Griffin, he's been a penguin (until I tried to feed him leftover salmon for breakfast), dinosaur, cat, shark, and police car so far this week. I've only been t-rex dinosaur mom which was actually helpful since I declared that I eat kids that aren't wearing their PJs (it was bath time).

We haven't even tackled tying shoes! It came up when Lainey was in preschool when some of the older kids could do it. All her shoes are slip on or velcro tabs so I hadn't even thought of it.

We've been doing lots of bike riding recently. I'm so excited that Lainey's riding a 2-wheeler which I hope means we can get out for more serious/longer bike rides. Her bike is so tiny though that she has a hard time on hills (she needs to grow just a little more to get on her bigger bike). We bought a trailer bike for Jamie but alas he's also too short to reach the peddles on it. He still loved it though and didn't have a problem staying on (for a couple of short rides). He's really begun to detest the trailer - he wants to be a part of the action. I ride a stationary bike for exercise several times a week and I'm always unpleasantly surprised at how much harder riding a real bike is so I don't think any really long rides our in our future.

Last Thursday was the memorial service for the center director. As I anticipated, Lainey was fine until she noticed the speakers were crying. She asked if they were and I said yes, they were very sad remembering Heidi. Then she got upset too and started asking questions that hadn't come up before - why did she jump in to the pool? (her body was found in a lake), why did she want to die? and that she didn't want to die and later why did she go walking by herself. Etc. She pretty much cried all evening and cried herself to sleep (with me next to her). She was exhausted this next morning so we kept her home from school - she's also got a cold so I think that contributed too. She's been overly emotional all weekend - crying and melting down over things that normally wouldn't be that big a deal. Part of me feels bad about taking her to the service - she didn't know Heidi that well. She saw her every day but she wasn't her teacher etc. So to *me* her reaction seems too much but a friend reminded me that while she's crying and saying she's missing Heidi, for her it has a lot to do with realizing that people die, that she could die, and how terribly upsetting that is for people.

It doesn't help that DH is gone to a conference this week. It's unusual for either one of us to travel so the timing is just unfortunate.

Whew, this is a book. I've started posting a couple times this week and always got interrupted.

Kim

[cchhbb]

(((((Lori)))))

I totally understand how you feel. We had the same type of evaluation with Garrett when he was 3. It was truely awful. Garrett is really impulsive too. Our ped has said that he can't be tested for ADHD until he's at least 6.

Garrett is a terrible colorer too. He's a little over 5 and I can really tell a difference in the last two weeks or so. He really doesn't like to do it so he tends to be a speed colorer so he can get it done. He is enjoying writing his letters and numbers and since we've been working on those, his coloring has improved greatly.

I just think that teachers are really expecting way too much of our boys. Poor Brian. He can't be feeling very good about himself right now. I think it will be great next year when he has a class which he seems to enjoy and the teacher enjoys Brian. It made all the difference in the world for us.

My girlfriend had the same issues last year with her son. He was about 10 - 15 months younger than most of his classmates and they evaluated them all the same. He is doing young 5's this year and is having a much more successful time.

Do you know the qualifications of the teacher? Is she a certified teacher? If she's not, I'd really question her ability to diagnosis things like ADHD.

Do you think that Brian has discovered that by not following the rules he gets a lot more attention? That is what Garrett has done in the past.

I really feel for you. You are a terrific mother and are doing everything possible to raise Brian the best way you know how. You are dedicated and loving and that's what is important.

Cheryl

[RunnerKim]

I'm curious if on "coloring" people are talking about coloring in a picture (one that's pre-drawn) or is it drawing generally? Lainey will NOT color in a picture such as from a coloring book or activity book. It is way too boring & laborious for her. I have noticed lately that she will color in some of her own drawings but she's not exactly precise about it.

Kim

[JoanneOR]

Kim, Lainey's reaction is so heartbreaking! Has she talked about it since? I think your friend is probably right. She reacting to other emotions and the realization that people die and maybe afraid that it could happen to someone close to her.

I think by coloring they mean coloring in actual pictures.

I learned this weekend that the father of a girl from our school died of pancreatic cancer. :( Just so, so sad. It's actually the dad of the little girl that calls Colin all the time and invites him over for play dates without asking her mom. Now I know why the mom was always kind of distant on the phone and seemed to not want to set anything up. He was just diagnosed in September. Her sister was a Munchkin in the Oz play with Jameson this weekend. He died the morning of the opening night and she was there. I didn't know anything at this point, but after the performance we were standing next to her family waiting for the kids to come out. The girl in Colin's class always says hi to me (calls me "Colin's mom") She says hi and then oh, tell Colin my dad died. I was like, what??? Her aunt was there and she said he had just died that morning. It really makes you think how precious life is and how quickly things can change. They also have a son in 8th grade.

The Oz play was really good. Jameson was cute. Some of those kids can really sing and act! I'm used to the lower grade productions, which I love and are really cute, but this was almost like being at a real theatre. They really did a nice job with it.

I have to brag a bit. :o Yesterday Jameson received the "Mustang" award for his team at school. They divide the grades up into teams and there's about 125 kids in his team The award is given to one student each semester who excels in grades, school spirit and gets along well with teachers and peers (that's what it says on the actual award ;) ) And Jameson got it! I was so proud of him! I told him we'll have to frame it.

Last night was quite interesting. As soon as I get home DH tells me that I need to talk to Ian and Colin and they need to tell me what they did. After much drama they finally tell me that they broke into Jameson's bank and took a quarter. They wanted it for their claw game (a miniature version of those carnival games where you try to grab candy/stuffed animals). DH found out and really laid into them. He said two things he will not tolerate are stealing and drugs. I'm torn about the whole thing. I agree stealing is absolutely unacceptable, but he really lost it with them. It just seems different than if they broke his bank and took $20 to spend. They were looking for coins for their game. They should have asked first, but I don't necessarily think it was stealing. Anyway, DH told Jameson he could come up with their punishment. This morning he tells them that they both have to wear pink shirts to his soccer game this weekend and make a banner that says "Go Jameson" and cheer for him. :eek: Normally they pay no attention to the game. We'll see if it actually happens! Never a dull moment in our house. :rolleyes:

[HRJ]

(((Lori))) Well, reading about your experience with the teachers has made me so mad I want to spit!!!! There are so many things wrong with the way they approached things, I just don't even know where to start. A *pamphlet* about ADHD? After they just spent all that time talking to you? :mad: First of all, like it's been mentioned, it's my understanding that 4 1/2 is way too young to be talking about a diagnosis like that -- even in cases where there really might be something to worry about. But from what you've said about Brian, he sounds like a very typical kid who's on the "spirited" side. I'm so sick of this idea that we slap an ADHD label on every kid--oh, excuse me, every BOY--who isn't calm and compliant--at age 4 1/2, no less. I also think it's definitely a case of Brian being compared to the older kids--really, what is a *6 year old* doing in a class meant for 4-year-olds? I understand he probably was a boy who was held back a year from kindergarten, but, the preschool should refuse to put kids who are that much older into their 4-year-old program.

And, I also think it's a case of "self-fulfilling prophecy" -- the teachers have decided that Brian is the kid with the behavior problem, so, everything he now does is seen through that lens. I'm also wondering if it's possible for you to move him into the other preschool early?

Most importantly, I'm so happy to hear that you found what sounds like a perfect place for him for next year. Victor did a transitional-type program last year, and it was absolutely the perfect fit for him. I couldn't imagine him dealing with kindergarten this year and having as good an experience as he is, without that transitional year. I have a feeling that Brian will really come into his own during the coming year.

And, of course, as the others here have said, you know that you're a great mom and that you're doing your absolute best for Brian. And although he's a little unhappy right now, he knows that he's loved and treasured, and you'll both get through it. (I really, really wish that our society didn't have such rigid and unrealistic expectations from preschoolers!)


Kim, I'm so sorry Lainey had such a hard time after the memorial service. I guess you need some hugs for that, too. ((kim)). She probably was processing lots of difficult emotions -- this whole thing has been such a terrible thing to go through. But at least there's now some closure, and the kids and the school can move on.

Sending get-well wishes to everyone who's been sick!

Joanne, so sorry to hear about that girl's father. I'm glad you enjoyed the Oz show. I think Jameson thought of a pretty interesting punishment -- I give him a lot of credit for creativity. Keep us informed about what happens. (Do you even have pink shirts for Ian and Colin to wear? I once ordered a turtleneck for Victor from Lands' End that was kind of a salmon color, and he made me send it back -- "too pink!!!" he yelled. ). And congrats to Jameson on the Mustang award!!! That's quite an honor. I feel proud of him, too.

Happy Birthday to Heather and Ari!

I gotta run -- tomorrow morning is the Winter Concert at Victor's School, so I'm taking the morning off to go. I'll try to come back at some point and catch up on what we're doing!

Helene

[RunnerKim]

Joanne -that's awful about Colin's friend. :( Way to go Jameson!!!!! You must not only be super proud but also relieved knowing you made a good choice when you decided to move him up. It's a great reminder that even if times are difficult it doesn't mean it was a bad decision or will remain that difficult. As far as your DH's reaction - I personally don't think there's a difference between a quarter and $20 (particularly at that age). But I can also see where you're coming from-It seems like weren't stealing money as much as they were borrowing a toy of Jameson's to use with another toy. Is it specifically money he has an issue with "stealing" or if they'd taken another toy of his to use would that have been the same? What a creative punishment and I bet they aren't likely to do it again!!

If that is indeed coloring Lainey would get a very low mark (or a "doesn't do").

Kim

[MrsReber]

I only have a minute- running to teacher conferences at lunch. However, Lori, that's awful about the report and pamphlets and speech evaluation?? It honestly sounds to me like a bunch of extremely lazy "teachers." It doesn't appear that they worked with your son in any way- just threw labels out there because he didn't conform with the rest of the group. Helene, I agree that labels are just thrown around now. I mean, we can control all this "undesireable" behvior with drugs, so why make any effort to work with a child, see what's going on at home, try to socialize him correctly? Why bother teaching if that's going to be the attitude.

Lori, I know it must be hard. Of course any parent would be defensive, but I don't think you being defensive was out of line when you were clearly being attacked. You saw for yourself and are fine with holding him back from K. I hope things go well in the new class. It sounds really good and that he'll make much more progress there.

Must run, but I wanted to be subscribed to this thread!

[LA98]

Thank you all so much for the kind and supportive words. I can't tell you how much it means to me. You guys are just the best!

Joanne, interesting to hear that about Ian, and I can just picture him playing in the dirt. :) Brian really loves sports, but I guess his attention span just isn't up for them yet. On Monday after he got a time-out from the gymnastics teacher :rolleyes: I told him that he might not be going back to the class if he was going to fool around and not listen (because gymnastics can be dangerous if you're fooling around, etc, I said) and he got very upset. And like you said, I didn't really think his behavior was that unusual but when I see *every* other kid following directions and he's not... well, it makes me wonder.

Cheryl, YES, speed coloring, that's it!!! Brian can color decently when he wants to. At home, when he asks me for crayons and paper he does a very nice job (stays in the shape if he's using a coloring book, uses different colors, etc) because he's in the mood to do it. At school if he's being told to do it and doesn't want to, he'll use one color and just scribble a few lines to get it done. And I know that he'll eventually need to learn to do a good job at things he doesn't want to do, but isn't that where the "HE'S 4!" part comes in??

The thing that made me insane with the coloring comment from the teacher is that I really feel like there should be no negative comments about kids' art. (When I was in first grade at my Catholic school they actually sent a note home to my mother that I used the "wrong" colors in my pictures!! What a deviant child I was, making a purple sun or pink grass! :rolleyes: ) Brian will sometimes ask me at home what color he should use or what he should put in his picture and I tell him that the wonderful thing about art is that he can do absolutely anything he wants. He always seems to like that answer. :)

And yes, Cheryl, I do think you're right about him getting attention with negative behavior, both at home and school. :( I'm hoping that increased one-on-one time will help with that....

Putting the ADHD pamphlet in the mailbox after we'd had the discussion was, to me, totally cowardly! I mentioned it to my friend the preK teacher (oh boy, did she get worked up over all this stuff when I told her!); she said there is a list of 25 behaviors that are precursors of ADHD. If your child has 12 or more of them, it's just supposed to make you aware of it so that you can monitor them yourself until he/she can be officially screened at age 6 or 7. She's sending me the list because I'm curious to see now what behaviors are on it. And I am definitely mentioning it to my ped when we see him next (although knowing him as well as I do, I can already hear him scoffing and getting on a soapbox about labeling kids! :) )

Helene, I think you got it too about the self-fulfilling prophecy. And I swear to you, as I was sitting there during the conference, I actually thought: Well, they've obviously never read Raising Your Spirited Child! :D I flipped through it again briefly the other night, the last time I read it Brian was really too young for it to be helpful. What struck me again is how the author describes these kids as being "more." And really, Brian has been "more" of absolutely everything since the day he was born... I'm glad to hear that you felt Victor benefited from his transitional K program. I really feel like I'm doing the right thing (and since I'm such a big worrier, it's not often that I feel totally at peace with a decision I've made).

Oh, and about that 6-year-old's birthday in Brian's class: I mentioned it to the teacher this morning, and she laughed and told me that the boy was actually 5, although he insisted to everyone all day that he was turning 6! :p


Kim, poor, poor Lainey! I got all teary just reading your post. The circumstances are just so bizarre, I can't imagine how her mind can process it (and I'm sure the adults are having trouble with it too of course). As we were pulling out of the driveway this morning, Brian hit me with "I miss Phoebe, she was a good cat, why did she have to die" etc. Out of the clear blue sky. I didn't realize he'd been thinking about her since he hadn't let on at all. I would imagine that Lainey will be thinking about the director for a long time to come.... :(

Joanne, what an awesome award for Jameson!!! Out of 125 kids no less, wow! I remember so well how you worried about his skipping a grade, and some early trouble with some of the other kids. It has all turned out so well for him, hasn't it? :) And I didn't get a chance to respond on last month's thread about your procedure. Sorry you had to go through that by yourself. And my DH would've done the same thing yours did... As for the quarter incident, I have to say I think I see it the way he does (although probably not to the degree he was upset). And I think I'd hate to call it stealing, but I guess they did take something they knew didn't belong to them. I *love* the pink shirt punishment, hilarious! (And what a cool idea to have the injured party come up with the punishment!)

Helene, how was the concert??

[HRJ]

The concert was very sweet. Each of the grades performed, and so did the "orchestra" -- kids can start taking string instruments in the third grade, and wind instruments in the fourth. The kids who performed yesterday were just the strings--I found it so amazing to see all those kids not only being able to play instruments, but to play them together! Victor's class did a nice job and despite all his griping, Victor seemed to be enjoying himself (there was one song they sang that he didn't like, and for the past month he's been b!tching about it. :rolleyes: ).

One complaint -- of course, there were a lot of parents who brought younger siblings who aren't of school-age yet to the show -- no big deal. But, of course, there are also always those parents who are unwilling to impose any adequate discipline on their kids in public settings. There was a family sitting near us with a boy who looked to be about 3, maybe even close to 4. He was talking really loudly while the kids were up on stage singing -- "I don't want to stay here! I want to leave! Take me home!" (Of course, this was all going on while *other* kids -- not his sibling -- were singing.) And the mom just kept going "Shhhhh." And the dad didn't say anything. I'm sorry, but in that situation, a stern "I need you to be quiet right now!", with some well-described consequences for not being quiet, is called for--and, if the child refuses to comply, then removing him from the audience. It's not like we were dealing with a toddler/wobbler-age kid who couldn't understand or be expected to behave. It's so disrespectful to the other parents and kids -- and really, if the child is never given any proper expectations of how to behave in public, how is he ever going to learn?


About coloring -- I can't understand how that has become such an obsession in early childhood education. I understand that it can be an indicator for fine-motor difficulties, but I think it's taken to an absurd extreme. Victor's Hebrew School teacher (who has a degree/experience in early childhood ed.) will often comment to me on how his "coloring" is going -- really, I could care less how he colors the Bible pictures, or whatever -- but is he getting the *point* of what you're teaching? :rolleyes: (Not too long ago, Victor lost a star on a homework assignment from kindergarten because he didn't glue neatly enough -- there were some of those white bubbles of dried glue on the edges. The point of the homework was to work on rhyming words -- would gluing more neatly make him a better reader? :confused: )

As it turns out, Victor is far more artistic than either DH or I -- he actually does rather well on things like coloring, whether it's in a coloring book or freehand, and art projects. He has some of those Ed Emberly drawing books, and I'm amazed at how well he does with them. But, I too can tell when he's bored with a project or assignment, and the speed-coloring kicks in.

I definitely agree, Lori, kids that age should not be being judged on the "quality" of their artwork. (And shame on you, Lori, for making a purple sun and pink grass! Now I can see where Brian gets it from! ;) ) And hmmm -- that boy who was 5, but told everyone he was 6 -- I wonder if they talked to his mother about that "inappropriate" behavior? I'm glad you have a ped. who "gets it" about labeling kids. I recently spoke to a mom I know who decided to send her "young 5" boy to K -- the teacher called her in to say that he was not paying attention well enough in class, and suggested she talk to the pediatrician about it. So the mom goes to the ped, who immediately asks if the mom is interested in exploring ADD/ADHD "treatment" (guess that's code for meds?). Literally, this was after *one* office visit, with no other alternatives explored. I know this is just an anecdotal thing, but, we're talking about a 5 year old, in a class with kids who are for the most part about a year older, being expected to sit still and do the kind of academic work that not too long ago was done in 1st grade, and one of the first solutions is to medicate. I understand there are situations when meds are definitely indicated and are a godsend when other alternatives don't work, but I think it's way overused. Argh.

I really think the "Spirited Child" book gets it right in so many ways -- although Victor has "leveled off" in most ways, there are still times when his intensity is remarkable. Things really started to turn around a lot when he was 5, and even more so at 6 -- it seems like the more he his able to exert some control on his world; have more independence; become competent at more skills/tasks, the better it becomes, and the more he can "dial down" on his own. So I wouldn't be surprised if some of the same things started happening with Brian, especially once the sibling issues settle down a bit and he's in a more supportive school environment.

I know that Victor and structured activities were not a good fit, especially around the time that he was 4. (He always took well to the structure at day-care, but "outside" things like Music Together, or preschool Spanish or T-Ball were not particularly enjoyable for either one of us, and I eventually gave up on them. The only thing that ever "clicked" was swimming. He also was not good at listening or following the routine when we did the parent/child preschool Hebrew School class when he was 4 -- we'd all be sitting in a circle and the other kids would be singing or listening to a story about Noah's ark, and he'd throw his coat over his head and refuse to take it off. :rolleyes:

With Victor the most noticeable change recently has been with sleeping -- I can't begin to say what a relief it is, in so many ways, to be able to have him get in bed at a reasonable hour; read stories; say goodnight; turn out the overhead light (light on the dresser still stays on all night); leave the room and 10 minutes later, he's asleep on his own, and basically sleeps through the night. (And I hope I just didn't jinx myself). About the same time he mastered being able to get/stay asleep, he also started staying dry all night, so we've given up the GoodNights (I'm still using a waterproof pad on his bed though, because once every couple of weeks there are still accidents). So I think there was also something physiological going on, too.

About play -- Victor's passion recently has been action-figure based play. He sets up these huge "scenes" on our family room floor, and woe to the person or cat who moves anything by even a quarter of an inch. At the moment, we have a fleet of Lego Star Wars figures and starships, who have captured and boarded the Playmobil pirate ship, with the assistance of a few Imaginex dinosaurs. He creates rather elaborate scripts for what's happening, with relationships between the characters, etc. (Several of the Star Wars figures/pirates/dinosaurs are apparently father-son pairs, who sometimes work together, and sometimes fight with each other -- lacking a degree in psychoanalysis, I'm not going to try and delve into that too closely.)

Tonight we have a "nosh and learn" at the temple -- I heard they're predicting snow for the weekend, so not sure what we'll be doing. Have a good weekend, everyone.

H.

[RunnerKim]

"speed coloring" that's a great term. Lainey's very rarely had to do any coloring but when she has that would describe it. Lately, as I mentioned, I have seen her coloring in her own artwork. They're very big on exploratory art at his school - one of his teachers (who's since moved on) was an artist herself. I had some coloring books that we'd received as gifts so I'd taken them in to the school because there was zero interest in them at our house and they wouldn't take them even for scrap paper.

Helene - sounds like a wonderful concert. Too bad those other parents weren't more understanding and respectful of the other families in the audience. There's no excuse for not removing a disruptive child.

Yeah on the sleeping success!!! Time really does address many of our challenges. I keep waterproof mattress pads on all the beds (even ours!). These days I don't have to worry so much about urine as I do vomit but I've got the pads so might as well use them. When we bought our new mattresses they were only guaranteed under the warranty if there were no marks/stains etc. and knowing our family....issues, I thought it wise to invest in a couple waterproof pads for our bed as well. Even my (much older) nephew had an accident once when he was sleeping with us.

Lori I'm glad you're feeling better about the whole situation and getting the support you need. Lainey periodically mentions being sad because our cat died (this is before the center director's death). I think it became a way for her to make sadness in general more concrete but maybe not. It never seemed tied to something cat-related when she said it. Although she does often follow it up with wanting to get another cat.

I haven't thought too much about this weekend - I've been focusing on making it to when DH gets home this evening. Only one more commute to go! I've been making it a point to get on the train that has more open seats and it's been a lot better. This morning I still had to deal with Lainey not wanting Jamie touching her backpack which immediately resulted in Jamie touching it and announcing that he had done so. Amazing how much they can care about that and how long they can squabble about it (at least it feels like a long time until they're distracted from it). It's a million times better when I can have them sitting and can read to them (of course they squabble over who gets to pick the book I read etc.) :rolleyes: The kids are fine when they're by themselves but there's something about being within 10 feet of each other that brings out the brat in each other. Sigh.

I forget people are still having snow & winter weather! Our daffodils have been blooming for a couple of weeks now, the cherry trees are budding. We've had some amazing sunny and warm-ish weather for the last few weeks but alas it's back to the normal dreary rain for awhile. We never did get any good snow this year which was disappointing - several predictions but it always warmed up too much.

Kim

[MrsReber]

So, Joanne, did they wear the shirts and make a banner?? Inquiring minds want to know! I know how you feel with your DH. Yours and mine are similar in many ways. I get annoyed with my DH when he yells at the kids over something. He expects adult reasoning from 5 and 6 year old minds. He gets angry at them for not cleaning up the "right" way. :rolleyes:

Lori, I hope you're feeling better about things with Brian. All kids are different. I know there are several in Brenden's class that Casey had in her class last year. They were kept back. One girl I know was kept back for social reasons. I was surprised at how frequently it seems to happen. DH's nephew had to repeat kindergarten, but he's now doing very well at age 11. I know it can be agonizing to figure out what the best thing is, but it sounds like you're taking control and doing your best. With the coloring, not that it's a big deal, like everyone says, I was wondering if he'd find it more interesting if it were a hidden picture kind of thing. Casey always loved those. You know, color the triangles red, color the squares blue- or even a color by number. I hadn't thought about it until I was reading this thread, but my kids don't really ask for coloring books. If they get a new one, they'll color some in it, but then it's tossed aside.

Our trip is 2 weeks away. At times like this, I wish I traveled more often by plane. I'm having nightmares about it already---we miss the plane, I'm packing 10 minutes before the departure time. Or my favorite, I have everything ready and then realize that Casey is still at school and I forgot to pick her up (on Sunday??) Whoo. So I'm starting to get all the dress clothes together and packed. I have to do something so I feel like I'm getting ready early!

Kim, don't you just love the squabbling? Some days are horrible and then some days they play together with no problem at all. Sometimes I can't believe the things they fight over. I'm starting to tell them now that fighting on the plane is completely unacceptable and we certainly don't want to disturb other people.

Guess it's time to grab some lunch. I am really not into working today. It's one of those days.

[RunnerKim]

Helene & Cheryl, Lainey's previous preschool teacher emailed this information out and I immediately thought of your recent posts about Victor and Griffin's imaginative play

"It turns out that all that time spent playing make-believe actually helped children develop a critical cognitive skill called executive function. Executive function has a number of different elements, but a central one is the ability to self-regulate. Kids with good self-regulation are able to control their emotions and behavior, resist impulses, and exert self-control and discipline."


The article is called "Old-Fashioned Play Builds Serious Skills", and you can either read (or listen!) here (http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=19212514).


For Jamie, I do believe he has a ways to go before he's "resisting impulses, and exerting self-control" Sigh. Lainey got nailed with a train from 4' away this weekend. As soon as he was out of time out for that one he bit her :eek: I'm wondering if he's teething as there's been a couple of biting issues lately. Jamie's been quite physical lately but my fingers are crossed that it'll settle down now that DH is home and life is becoming more..."normal."

We had dinner at a really interesting restaurant on Sunday. A friend invited us to the new-ish place that had been getting some nice write-ups. It's called Grandma Leeths (http://www.grandmaleeths.com). It touts it's healthy menu selections and provides a supervised play area. The first thing that was obvious was that the place was completely empty when we arrived. The play area is similar to the kids' classrooms. You pay by the 1/2 hour for them to play. It was nice to be able to easily chat with my friend and Lainey opted to dine with us but the other 3 children chose to eat at a table in the "performance area." A couple of other diners did come in while we were there and I assumed they were much busier during the week - particularly during the day but the waitress/child watcher indicated that they weren't. We're not sure how long they'll be in business. The food was pretty good - loved their Brussels sprouts but it was a pricey night out. I can see why they are not the weekly hangout for a moms group with those prices. Not that the prices were that outrageous, it just adds up. They need a nicer location to target families with more time & disposable income. Anyway, I thought it was an interesting concept and I was hoping to find a "family friendly" restaurant with a healthy menu but I don't see us going back there unless it's a special occasion.

Kim

[MrsReber]

Kim, I hope the biting is just a phase. Brenden had a problem with that. He would get very frustrated with Casey when he was younger. Since he couldn't verbalize, he'd bite her. Only her, thankfully. He's never bitten anyone else. He will still resort to biting when he's at the end of his rope. He bit Casey on her rear end just last weekend. Of course, she got her shot in and they both got in trouble after that. Then ten minutes later, they were pals again. :rolleyes:

That restaurant sounds interesting. I can't figure out if I'd go to a place like that or not. It seems like a good idea, but does sound like it can get pricey, especially if you have a couple of children with you.

[RunnerKim]

Hey everyone,

Susan has me thinking about our upcoming flight (end of May). We are THAT family. At least we were on the last flight almost 2 years ago. It was h-e-double hockey sticks. I think I might be remembering it worse than it actually was but nonetheless it wasn't one of the happy experiences that some of you post here.

I'm hoping age will have helped. Of course that means Jamie is now old enough to be a real issue where last time he was surprisingly not the main issue.

I have a hope that they'll actually watch DVDs this time (last time there was zilch interest in it). I plan to take a couple of current favorites but want to also have some new selections and I'm drawing a blank on what would be good to have. Shows or movies are good. I think this will probably be mostly for Lainey. I bought seats in front/back of each other with the idea of pairing an adult/child (I had the incredibly stupid idea of having them sit in the same row/next to each other last time and thus one adult across the aisle)

I have a Diego DVD stashed away. Any other thoughts? They don't watch much live TV (as it's generally not convenient) so almost anything will be novel for them.

Has anyone seen Free Willy? It came up recently because the orca whale was kept at our aquarium until he was let out in to the open ocean. Would that be okay?

What about superhereos? Spiderman particularly has come up recently but I wasn't sure if there were really any not-violent movies/episodes (we have enough trouble with Jamie as it is).

Otherwise Jamie's going to get his own Leapster for his birthday next month even though I think he's really too young for it and Lainey's not all that interested in hers.

I'll pack lots of snacks...

Thanks,
Kim

[MrsReber]

Kim, here's what I've done. Both kids have Leapsters. The Leapster website had a big sale and I bought about 8 games for $99 with free shipping. I only gave them 2 so far. They have no idea that there's 6 more sitting in boxes. I'm going to spring that on them. We're leaving the house early so I'm sure we'll all nap, too. Well, I'll nap! We have a dvd player, but we need a plug for it. It has to go in the lighter outlet or a regular outlet. And we'll bring some books. And I'll do lots of praying. Sometimes they get loud without realizing that they're loud. And I am keeping my fingers crossed that neither child decides that kicking the seat in front of them is fun.

Kim, I bet your memory of your last trip is probably worse than the reality. I know we've been out at times when I was freaking out about the kids being disruptive. Yet other people didn't seem to notice.

I took Casey to the dentist today to have her molars sealed. I told her about it a few months ago and she was very happy to have it done. I was surprised at how quickly it was done.

Brenden stayed home from school today. He had a croupy sounding cough last night. I don't know how DH didn't hear it. I heard the first gasping breath when he started coughing. Oh, how I hate that. He's a very deep sleeper, too, so I had a heck of a time getting him to wake up so I could give him something. After that, he slept fine, but when I got him up for school, he was coughing so much he could hardly eat his breakfast. His throat hurt from it, too. I was unsure about keeping him home. I figured he'd perk right up. Sure enough, around 10:00 or so, he was back to his normal self. I hope the cough doesn't come back tonight. I think it disturbs me more than anyone else!

[HRJ]

Kim, I'm sure it will be easier now that they're both older -- well, at least I hope it will. I have actually found with Victor that we have the most trouble before we even get on the plane. He gets very ancy waiting in long lines -- I have spent a lot of time explaining to him that flying is all about standing in line and waiting.

I've made it a point to make sure I have small toys that he can play with in the boarding gate area, or crayons and a drawing pad so that he can --gasp! -- color. I usually try to have something new to present to him while we're waiting at the gate, even if it's something small -- this past time, I brought a package of those glittery crayons. When he was younger, I always made sure we had the favorite Thomas trains with us. One time we went to one of the terminal giftshops, and bought one of those toy airplanes that makes real take-off noises, and looks just like the plane we're going to fly in ... ie, Delta, or JetBlue, or whatever. He really liked watching the planes out the window and having a toy plane just like it. That sort of thing might be good for Jamie.

As far as DVDs ... I assume you've already seen the Toy Story movies? Iron Giant is also a good one, more for Lainey than Jamie--it does include some shooting (the army tries to shoot down the giant robot, because they think it's evil -- but, of course, it's not.) The PBS Curious George series is great, and it's out on DVD now -- even though Jamie probably won't understand the "science concepts" they're trying to teach, I think he'd just enjoy the mischievous monkey. Another great PBS series is Cyberchase; I don't think I've seen it on DVD, though. Not sure it would interest Jamie at all, but I think Lainey would like it. Also, Zula Patrol, which is on one of the PBS HD stations that we get - it's a great little show that teaches about science, mostly space and planets. Again, not sure if it's available on DVD.

Two other things on DVD that Victor is just loving at the moment are the Pink Panther cartoons (the animated ones, not the live-action movies with Peter Sellars.) Also, the old Tom and Jerry cartoons -- I recently got a 3-disc set at Costco. That has lots of animated slapstick violence -- you know, Jerry hits Tom over the head with an anvil, that sort of thing -- Victor thinks it is absolutely the funniest thing he's ever seen. I'm sure it's only a matter of time before he's moving on to the Three Stooges :rolleyes:

Never saw "Free Willy." I doubt you'd find anything about Superheroes that wasn't violent in some way -- unless maybe some of the very old Superman TV shows -- (like from back in the early '60s, the ones *I* watched as a kid? :o )

I have also entertained Victor on plane flights with card games; when he was younger I also bought some of the Laurie toys where you have to connect foam shapes or pegs, etc--they are usually lightweight and come in nice little carrying bags.

After observing other kids on planes, I have to say that keeping them separate, if possible (meaning, if you're traveling with two adults) seems to work better than having them sit together. I think the adult has to board with the assumption that all s/he will be doing for the flight is concentrating on the kid the entire time -- it drives me nuts to see kids acting up on the plane, and their parents are sitting next to them trying to read a magazine or watch a movie. And, if a child is seated properly -- meaning, belted in -- their legs will be too short to reach the seat in front of them.


Kim, I've been meaning to ask: how is Jamie doing with the CVS -- it seems like you haven't posted about an episode in a while -- I'm hoping it's because all has been quiet.

Susan, sorry that Brenden has that croupy cough -- I know how awful that sound is! Hope he's back in school by tomorrow.


I had my second GYN procedure yesterday, and, without going into details, it was horrible -- no bad news to report or anything, but it hurt like heck; I didn't much like the doctor who did it (not my regular doc); and the whole experience was uncomfortable both physically and emotionally. And I was alone. I tried to remind myself that so many people on this board have gone -- and are going -- through much more difficult stuff, but it was a tough day.

Then this morning, with a day to go until my eye surgery, I find out from my ophthalmologist's office that my primary-care doctor's office never sent in the medical clearance forms that are needed to proceed with the operation. :eek: :mad: :mad: This is although I had a pre-op exam and EKG back the second week of February (for which my insurance has already been billed). And the kicker is -- the same thing happened back during the summer, when I had my other surgery. So I had to spend my morning with phone calls and e-mails, trying to make sure the paperwork got faxed to the ophthal's so that the surgery could go on as planned. A huge headache that I didn't need, especially because I was working today and absolutely needed to get a project finished. I'm furious at my PCP's office for not forwarding the paperwork; and I'm furious at my ophthal's office for not making sure everything was in order earlier.

But, I'm set now for surgery at mid-day tomorrow. I'll try to get back here as soon as I can see OK enough to use the computer.

Helene

[LA98]

OMG, Helene, how annoying about the paperwork! And shame on them making the same mistake again. :mad: I didn't realize your surgery was coming up so quick. Hope DH and Victor manage well and let you get some rest (did you manage to freeze any meals?) and I'll have good thoughts for you (and your doctor! ;) ) for a speedy recovery and an excellent outcome! (And so sorry about your gyn procedure -- ouch :( :( )

Kim, I'm going to second the old Tom and Jerry cartoons that Helene mentioned. We just got Boomerang on cable, it's from Cartoon Network and shows all the old cartoons. We just started letting Brian watch some of them and he also thinks Tom and Jerry is the funniest thing EVER. The other thing that kept him really occupied the last time we took a 4-hour car trip was sticker books and a magnet book. I doled them out at intervals with snacks in between :) and he did great.

Can anyone stand a quick school story? I got another "unusual incident" report. :rolleyes: This one says: "While sitting in the circle, Brian and [girl's name] had their arms wrapped around each other and were kissing on the mouth. When told to separate, they didn't." So after I laughed out loud :o I told Brian when I picked him up that we hug our friends but we only kiss relatives. And on the cheek. ;) He's always been a big hugger but I've never seen him kiss on the lips before. Oh, and there was also a note saying that the girl's mother was talked to about it. Hmmm... she gets spoken to but I get the formal incident report to be signed and returned? What should I read into that? :rolleyes:

[MrsReber]

Lori, that is weird about the incident report. When Casey and Brenden were in daycare and pre-k, I hardly heard about anything. It was the position of the school that they would deal with everything- behavioral issues, etc. The goal was for the parents to be able to go to work and not worry about a thing. They of course told us about severe things. Casey got bit once and she fell when running and scraped her kneeds up pretty bad. They told us right away. Once Brenden hit or threw something at another child and they told us right away. But things like hugginig and not wanting to separate or kissing on the lips- I mean, if the teacher has control of her class, can't she tell Brian the same thing you told him? Brenden was reprimanded with the throwing incident and they simply talked to us about it to see if he did those things at home, if something was going on, if he was feeling okay, etc. It's one thing to relate an incident, but quite another to write up a report about it. I think I would feel a bit singled out as well. And, as others pointed out, the labeling seems to have started with this place.

We have Tom and Jerry fans here, too. I think DH is the biggest fan. We were at Pizza Hut one day and they have a tv there. Tom and Jerry was on and the kids were very taken by it. The were hysterical. We got a dvd for about $5 at Walmart. Casey likes Cyberchase. Brenden wasn't so into it, but I wonder if he would be now that he's into numbers. I know Lainey isn't so into her Leapster, but does she like interactive DVD's? Casey loves them. We have an I Spy dvd that we got for free at Wendy's (I sound like a fast food junkie!). They still play with it. Not only can you play the game, but you can also put together Wendy's meals with choices of drinks and side dishes. They're fascinated with that. It's kind of funny. But any time we buy a dvd, they're looking to see if there are any games to play. We're also bringing some Color Wonder markers and pens and paper. They like to play tic tac toe. Helene, I am very much hoping Casey and Brenden sleep. I know what you mean about having to entertain them. I'm going to want to sleep. I may have to insist on naptime! I like the airplane toy idea. I've never seen those (with my vast flying experience, it's no wonder). Brenden already likes toy planes, but we don't have any that make noise.

What aggravation with the insurance company! I have a friend who found a lump in her breast last month. She has been having mammograms since she was 35 because of the history of cancer in her family. And the insurance company is dragging its feet getting approval for the test! So frustrating. I'm sorry about your other experience as well. Those things are so emotional- sometimes more emotional that you even think going in.

I sent Brenden off to school today. No coughing at all last night, thankfully. He did start a bit once he woke up. I'm not sure if he was trying to get my attention so I ignored it and told him to continue getting ready for school. He's having a very hard time with the time change. It's usually tough to get him up in the morning. It's even harder now.

Helene, congrats on the improvement in bedtime. We're very slowly getting there. I can get Casey to stay in her bed most nights. Aside from the night he was coughing, Brenden hasn't been in our bed in a while. I had the vaporizor on the other night for myself so I brought him in to help with his coughing. I'm jealous about your news on the pull ups. I really wish I could stop buying them. I have hope. Brenden has used the bathroom a couple of times at night recently. He's still a very deep sleeper, though, so I think it'll still be a while. He's still 5, too. I'm hoping that we'll see some improvement over the next year. I'm glad he's not embarrassed or upset about it. We try to keep it low key for him, though DH and Casey can sometimes be harsh about it. Then I remind DH about his bedwetting days, and how this kind of thing may be hereditary. I'd rather go with the pull ups than ruin his bed and wash sheets every day.

[hrk]

Good morning all.
Helene- I am sorry to hear your OB procedure was bad and about all the hassles you have had before your surgery. You are in my thoughts today.

Lori- I agree with Susan, unless it is major injuries or behaviorial issues they should be dealing with it during the day. And Logan has locked lip with many a kids.

Kim- How about the Wild or Madagascar or Ice Age? They are all animated films about animals and it seems to hold my boys interests, they really love the characters. They are both rated PG I believe, but I really don't think there is anything bad about either one. Ari si defeinitely harder to entertain than Logan ,but we bring color wonder markers and books, books lots of DVD's, little cars and some Thomas trains. As a matter of fact my MIL game Logan a little travel suitcase that has travel versions of Memory, Candyland and Chutes and Ladders and Hi Ho Cheerio in it. Plus there is more room for toys so we just pack that chock a block full and they bring it on the plane. Plus Logan can wheel it so he carries it.

Susan-
When I fly with the kids on my own, I put Ari next to the window and me in the middle and Logan on the aisle. And I do enforce naptime, when I turn everything off and they are pretty good about falling asleep.
Also anytime I fly I bring a small lunchbag full of snacks and food. You can't bring any liquids but I bring sandwhiches, cookies, crackers, pudding cups, fruit etc. and I do let them snack their way through the flight also.

Well we had a wonderful trip to Houston. My girlfriend and I took the boys to Galveston, they got to play on the beach, collect shells and we rented a Surri (sp?) and pedaled the boys up and down the seawall. We also took them to the Childrens museum in Houston which was wonderful and debuting a new exhibit based on the MAgic School bus, which is one of Logans favorite shows. It was pretty exhausting and the kids seem to be all mixed up time wise, but they did great and I think they had lots of fun as well.

Now we are back to craziness. Ari's last day at his current daycare is today and tomorrow he starts at a new place that is supposed to be fantastic. It is a federally run place and we have been waiting forever to get in and we just did. I ahte having to move hime twice, but he should be here for the duration now. Logan has no school tomorrow or Friday because of parents teacher conferences, so I am home with him tomorrow and DH Friday. And Friday we are taking LOgan to see a theater version of the book Flat Stanley. He is very excited.

Hope everyone else is doing well.
HEather

[RunnerKim]

Helene - I'm sorry sorry about your GYN exam. :( and the paperwork for your eye surgery. I'll keep you in my thoughts these next few days!

Thanks for the DVD suggestions. I'm starting to shop. I plan to send a box ahead to my MIL so that we have fresh stuff for the return trip. Tom & Jerry is probably a pretty good option - Lainey laughs the most at that type of stuff in Scooby Doo. Thanks for all the other suggestions too - I haven't heard of several of those. I'm starting to make a list. MIL sent them each a rolling backpack for Christmas so I figure we can get plenty of options in there. Last time I had a bunch of different things (but not enough snacks and not special enough ones at that) but they just weren't interested. I feel much more confident about Lainey this time (I was totally surprised at her behavior last time and thus not prepared)

Lainey just picked out Iron Giant from the library. She and DH had read it awhile ago.

Knock on wood - Jamie hasn't had a CVS episode since before Thanksgiving! He seems to have even stopped complaining about his body hurting. He was doing that quite frequently, even asking his teachers to call and tell me that. I think some of it was attention-seeking but mostly he was learning the different feelings that his stomach area makes. It wasn't unusual for him to poop shortly afterwards or sometimes he'd eat a huge snack/lunch so he was probably hungry. Of course, he could also have been experiencing feelings that just didn't develop in to full blown CVS. I actually manage to forget about most of the time. Just yesterday I received the emailed quarterly newsletter from the CVS association and it reminded me how lucky we are in that Jamie's condition seems relatively minor and our pediatrician diagnosed it so quickly. It was heartbreaking reading some of the short articles written by teenagers and their experience with it.

Looking over Jamie's episode history (I've set up a spreadsheet to track them) there have been lengthy gaps before, so I expect it'll rear it's ugly head again but it's nice to be able to not obsess about it for awhile.

Heather that sounds like a fantastic trip to Houston - exhausting but fun.

Lori - that is a rather cute story imho!

Susan - glad Brenden's doing better. We're still feeling the effects of the time change too. Although the kids were so excited about how light it's been when we get home. They insisted we eat dinner outside. It's a little chilly for that - on Monday it started raining so we were saved but last night it wasn't. Of course half way through the meal they decided it was cold and went to get their coats on. Good thing I'd planned a nice warm soup for dinner.

Kim

[RunnerKim]

Okay I'm posting back-to-back, but oh well..

I just read an article on MSNBC about a mom who was arrested because her sleeping 2 year old was in a locked car 30' from where she was. Article (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23615083/)

It sounds like there's more to the situation than that but the article had me thinking. Do you all ever leave your child alone in the car? Is there an age it's okay to do this? Is there a distance that it's okay to do this? (perhaps even it's okay with an infant that has no way of un-doing a seat belt vs. a toddler+ that can???) Is it line of sight? Is there a law that specifically addresses this (I'd imagine it'd be state law so would vary)?

I have left my kids in the car when using ATMs. We don't have drive-up ATMs, so will park, lock the car and go use the machine. I can always see the car, the kids feel fine about it etc. Frankly I feel they're safer in the car than walking through a parking lot. It's not something I've done frequently b/c it's generally more convenient for me to do it downtown/during work but I'd never thought it would be a legal issue!

Thoughts?

Kim

[MrsReber]

Kim, that's a tough question. I remember without a doubt waiting for my parents in the car when I was really young, maybe 3 or 4? I was with my brother and sister, usually, but sometimes alone. I wanted to leave Casey in the car the other day. We were running around and I just needed to stop to get milk on the way home. The parking space was literally no more than 4 feet from the door of the store and the milk is right in front. I made her come in, not because I feared for her safety, but because I didn't want anyone to report me! Crazy. I also wonder about that story you noted. I agree, there has to be more to it than that. I can imagine leaving a sleeping 2 year old while you're outside the car, within sight. We've done that plenty of times when we visiting families. We'd leave the kids in their seats sleeping in the driveway and go check on them periodically. IMO, it's much better than waking a sleeping toddler! Yikes!

Poor Brenden. I kept my eye open for t-ball sign ups. I didn't see anything. Then I get the rec schedule (finally!) yesterday. They have an Opening Day event for all the kids who are enrolled in baseball! I was not happy. I called and found out that sign ups were in Feb. Unfortunately, my particular area of the county is very bad with advertising for sign ups. Believe me, I looked! Well, they're full in our town so we're second on the waiting list, should anyone drop out. The director of the sports programs emailed me today, though, and said he'd search all the towns to see if anyone has an open spot. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Brenden was disappointed and I feel just awful, like I really let him down on this one.

Got my hair cut today, finally. I got highlights for something different. I never colored my hair at all, so it was an experience. I'm not sure if I like it yet. I was looking for something different. The cut is different from what I had. It'll take a couple of days to get used to it. Still long, though!

Well, I better run. Have a riding lesson in 10 minutes and it takes 20 minutes to get to the farm!

[HRJ]

Hi...I'm sort of trying to type this using one eye, so please excuse any typos.. just wanted to check in. Had my surgery yesterday, didn't exactly go as planned. Briefly, the surgeon fond the interior of the eye was more damaged than she expected, and she had to change gears and do a longer, more complicated operation than originally expected. I went for a follow up this morning, and it's still questionable about what the prognosis is -- we have to wait and see a bit how well the eye will end up functioning; it's possible I'll need another surgery. I go back on Tuesday. Right now I'm sore, and very, very tired -- it really took a lot out of me.

DH has been home with me, and some of the moms I've met through the PTO at Victor's school said they are going to take turns bringing dinners by during the week -- I am so grateful and touched by that.

Anyway, it's too hard right now to really do a lot of reading, so sorry for not replying to anthing new that's been posted. I hope I can get back soon.

Take care everone,

Helene

[LA98]

((((Helene)))) So sorry it was not as expected. :( :( I'm still hoping for the very best for you. Please rest up and feel better soon!

[RunnerKim]

(((Helene))) I'm sorry to hear that it ended up being worse than was thought. :( And now to have to wait to find out how it's all going to turn out must be very frustrating. I'm glad you have friends bring over dinners - that's great of them!

Take care of yourself.
Kim

[LaraW]

Hi Everyone

Wow, it is halfway through the month and I'm just now checking in. I have been able to keep up with reading, I just have not had a lot of time to post.

(((Helene))) I am sorry about your surgery and that it did not go as expected. Take care of yourself and I will be thinking of you for a good appointment tomorrow.

Kim, I read that article too and I don't know. I often leave the kids in the car when we are leaving in the morning and I have to run back in the house to get something. I always lock the car. We don't have too many other opportunities that I'd be able to, for example, run into the grocery store or something, but I don't know. I'd think if the car was never outside of my line of sight that is a bit different than going in and doing some shopping. I remember being left in the car a lot as a kid. Sometimes it was by choice, sometimes not but it happened a lot.

Susan, I hope you are able to get Brenden signed up for t-ball! I need to call and get an appointment for a hair cut too. Its driving me nuts.

Good luck for all of the upcoming travels!

Joanne, I loved Jameson's "punishment" for his brothers! Did they have to wear pink shirts?? ;)

I was out of town this weekend. I flew to IA to surprise my sister for her wedding shower (the wedding is next month). It was really fun, and it was a really nice break from the kids. Natalie was kind of weepy leaving the airport, I guess, but she and Colin both did fine all weekend.

Natalie started soccer on Saturday. DH said she really had a good time. I'm glad. I thought she would have fun and I am glad she participated and listened. They are not doing too much in terms of rules, etc right now, but its more just to make it fun. They "practice" for 30 min and then play a "game" for 30 min and they play 3 on 3 and rotate the kids in and out every 2-3 minutes so everyone gets a chance to play. The point is to get them hooked on the fun and then as they get older they can be learning more of the rules, etc. DH said it was mildly controlled chaos, and the kids were just covered from head to toe with dried grass and dust, but she had a blast.

We have continued looking at schools for K, and I think we have found our first choice. It is a charter school in the next town over. Its a K-12, and since it is a charter school, everyone has to go through the same enrollment process to get in. It sounds like they have a lot of people who want to go there, and you get your spots by lottery. They have 72 spots for K, and last year the person said they had a 3-digit waiting list :eek: So, we definitely have to have a backup school that we want to go to, but this is our first choice.

Other than that, its just been a lot of "stuff" going on. Need to run.

[RunnerKim]

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Lara - that's exactly how our spring indoor soccer is done. It is fun for the kids and no pressure for those that aren't quite ready to engage. We did run in to a couple of teams that were in to keeping score and being too competitive for the age but by and far the spirit was great and supportive for all players. Lainey opted for t-ball this spring but I signed Jamie up for it as he'll have just turned 3 (they have a 3/4 year old level). It doesn't start until April though.

Good luck with getting your 1st choice! Those odds sound pretty stressful so i hope you find a 2nd choice you're happy with too.

Susan - I hope you can get Brenden in for t-ball! It's crazy how early you have to sign up. I volunteered to do the t-ball scheduling and I can understand a little better now why it's so far in advance. I'm still waiting to get the rosters to finalize the schedule and get it the coaches by the coach meeting on Wednesday.

We had a fun weekend but it didn't end so well. Lainey's sporting 8 stitches by her eye/cheek today. :( Jamie threw a wood stool at her. :( :eek: We had a couple of friends over after a swim date plus my nephews. All 6 kids were downstairs playing. The adults had just commented not 3 minutes earlier that they were okay - we were monitoring the type/level of noise. Then my oldest nephew calls up about Jamie throwing the stool. He's not overly upset and I don't hear crying so I'm heading down calmly and then I see lainey and she has blood just pouring down her face. At first I don't think any of them, including Lainey, realized how bad it was. I don't think Lainey was ever in that much pain actually. I know facial wounds bleed a lot but wow. I could see it was a pretty good gash and I called out to DH who took her to the bathroom while I assessed the rest of the situation and then headed upstairs.

I guess we've had more than our fair share of trips to urgent care b/c the first words DH said to me were "what time is it?" - he was figuring out which urgent care to take her too.

It looks pretty bad. Black eye and swollen. I didn't see the stitches until this morning and that's when it really hit me about how bad it is. Closer to the eye than I thought (thank god her eye is fine!). It's fairly long - several inches. I'm sure it'll scar. :( It was deep enough to need 1 internal stitch. DH said she handled getting the stitches just fine (better than he did a month or so ago when he had to get some).

The whole thing didn't really hurt Lainey too much. She has complained about the pain a couple of times but says its not enough to take any medicine (she's not a big fan of the chewables).

I'd had really been monitoring Jamie a lot more lately because I'd realized how much Lainey was having to put up with Jamie's....physical-ness. Hitting, kicking and throwing. Sometimes it's because he's frustrated but sometimes it's just for attention. Lainey's not completely innocent (and often will have grabbed something out of his hands - but then that's often because he'll break something if he has it...). Anyway I feel really rotten that she's probably now going to have a scar on her face because of something Jamie did/I didn't prevent. DH & I need to talk about it more but obviously we're going to have to supervise much more closely his behavior. It can happen so quickly though and we can have just dealt with an incident and he'll turn around and do something else. :( :( :(

Kim

[cchhbb]

Oh Kim, I'm so sorry. I'm sure you feel terrible about Lainey. I think Jamie and Griffin are twins separated at birth. The same type of things go on around our house too. Griffin pushed Garrett off a riding Gator while it was still going. They say that he is really nice to the other children at school, but at home he's a brute.

Lara, wow those are some odds. That's how Pre-K is at our local school which is a charter. They have one class of 20 kids. I think they had about 100 people going for the slots. They do give preference to siblings so I think I'll have a pretty good shot of getting Griffin in. I hope so as I really like the teacher. The other bonus it is free.

Lara, That's how Garrett's soccer league was last year. I think most kids had a lot of fun, but there was one mom that was really out of line. She constantly stood by the goal screaming at her daughter who was the biggest and best kid on their team. I hated the two times that we played their team. I think dad was the coach too. I had a child who once picked a dandilion while playing soccer so I have to say I'm glad that we weren't on that team.


Happy Birthday Helene, I hope you feel better soon. I wish you were my neighbor in real life as I'd love to have Victor over to play and bring you dinner.

Kim, I'm the totally bad mother that leaves her children in the car in very controlled situations. I used to constantly leave Garrett sleeping in the car in the locked garage as long as it was cool enough. I would leave the door to the house open so I would hear him if he woke up. I also have left my children in the car when I bought a newspaper. I wasn't more than 15 feet from them. My explorer was great as I could leave the children in the car with it running, with the emergency brake on, and then lock the car and use the keypad to open the door. My children are both in 5 point harnesses and haven't been able to get out by themselves yet. I never leave them when I can't see the car though.

Last week was my consignment sale. We did about $50k which was down from last sale. We had really terrible weather and that really hurt us. Downtown Atlanta (about 20 minutes away) was hit with tornados.

There were several people who left their kids in the car with a movie running while they dropped off the items at the sale. I finally had to assign someone to patrol the parking lot. I can't believe how irresponsible they were.

Cheryl

[MrsReber]

Kim, poor Lainey! It must just have something to do with being the younger of two siblings. Brenden will still bite Casey when he's angry with her. I know exactly what you mean about it happening so quickly. I can hear them talking calmly in the next room and then hear a slap the next second. Then two minutes later, they're playing together. Brenden is one to throw things, too. I try to get there in time, but it doesn't always work. It's amazing because when it's just him at home, he is very calm. He entertains himself and is no problem at all. When both of them are home, it goes back and forth between chaos and calmness.

Cheryl, I know you saw my other post- I'm dealing with strep today. I was on the fence about going to the doctor. I haven't seen the doctor for myself in about a year. Come to think of it, it was last year about this time and I had strep! I hope the kids don't have it. Part of me thinks they must have it. How else would I have gotten it? I never had strep before last year. I don't like it very much. It can go away now. I'm still looking at the bottle of prednisone, wondering if I should go there or not.

Last night was the school program. Casey did such an excellent job saying her line. I was very proud. They did sign language along with the last song. Casey was on top of it. Another parent near us commented on it, too. Brenden seemed a little awkward and embarrassed on the stage, poor kid. He was a weed. They had sunglasses on and sang a kind of rap song. It was really funny. Casey was a ladybug, which is funny because DH has always called her Ladybug since she was born. They did the play this morning for the other kids.

Thankfully it's raining and Casey's riding lesson has been cancelled. I don't feel like going anywhere this afternoon. I still have some contracts that I'm struggling to work on.

We're still trying with T-ball. DH talked to another guy at work and he told him of another league that's starting so maybe....I'm getting tired of calling, though.

[hrk]

Happy Thursday all.

Well this is the end of the work week for me as Ari and Logan are both off tomorrow. Logan starts Spring break so he is off all next week as well and Ari's school is closed for a professional day.
My parents arrive tomorrow night so the boys are really looking forward to that and we have lots planned next week, including the circus and Laurie Berkner so it will be busy.

Susan- I hope you are feeling better soon. Glad to hear the play went well.

Kim- I am so sorry to hear Lainey got hurt. It is very hard to control both kids at all times and I know as moms we blame ourselves. Ari sounds very similar to the other younger siblings here, he is very clam and plays quite well with others his own age, but when it comes to him and Logan he can get out of control very quickly.

Lara- Glad to hear Natalie is enjoying soccer.

Cheryl- We were watching the basketball when the tornado hit, scary. And I do the same thing leaving the boys in a closed garage if it is cool enough and just listen for them waking up.

Hope everyone has a great weekend and to those celebrating Easter, have a happy holiday. We are going to try and make it to purim services tonight, but we will see how the timing works.
Heather

[RunnerKim]

Susan - do you know a coach's name/contact info? I'm coordinating the T-ball coaches/schedule here and I can tell you there have been several emails from coaches saying "So-And-So really wants to play but her mom missed the deadline, can I add them to the roster?"

And then if that doesn't work, any chance you or DH would be willing to coach? That might make it all work out too. They'll be more accommodating to fit him in if it solves a coaching issue.

Ugh I don't know why I ever thought that job would be fairly straight forward! It's consumed me for the last couple of days.

Heather - enjoy spring break!

Cheryl - there was a parent incident last Fall in soccer that was similar to what you described. Fortunately something was said to the parent and I don't think it continued to be an issue (wasn't our team thankfully!). I know it was a learning experience for DH being a fairly novice coach in how to handle the situation. One of those things that you're not sure what to do while it's happening.

Lainey's eye is looking better. I take her to get the stitches out tomorrow. I'm meeting with Jamie's teacher tomorrow (she was on vacation for the first part of the week) to talk about addressing his hitting & throwing (I don't believe they see very much at school, but want to get her thoughts on ways for us to deal with as well as for her to know about some big changes we're making at home). While I think it's fairly typical of his age/gender/younger sibling status it just can't go on, but I want to keep in mind that he is almost 3.

Last night I hauled him off to his room instead of having him do time-out on the stairs. Time out just is not effective for him. Very effective for Lainey - and she's had very few of them. But DH and I have realized we need to use different methods with the kids. Putting Jamie in his room was much more effective than I thought it would be. There's all sorts of things for him to occupy himself with in there but when I opened the door he was laying on his bed and upset. I was surprised he hadn't even tried to open the door. I have to say closing him in a room feels very uncomfortable to me though. Ugh.

We're not letting the kids do certain things together (baths, sleepovers on the weekends, be together in another room by themselves). It makes it much tougher on us parents! especially if one of us has something they need to do/aren't home.

I'm hoping if we're especially vigilant and on top of the slightest hitting/throwing that it won't take months to change. I guess I'm hoping that it's not just a maturity/developmental issue. sigh. Over the last few days I'm realizing just how much he's doing of those things - more than I realized. But I do wonder too - what can he do instead. He has all this energy, it seems like it has to go somewhere... If I'm just saying stop hitting/throwing, what am I telling him that he can do instead???? It's not like I want him to start yelling or running (time/place dependent) instead...

Kim

[tbb113]

Kim - can you tell Jamie to throw a beanbag at a target when he is upset instead of throwing objects that hurt/break? Maybe get a punching bag? Boys are different then girls and some really do need the physical release.

[LaraW]

Oh, Kim - poor Lainey! I'm glad that she is feeling better now. I have had some success (not a lot but some) in having Natalie punch a pillow or beanbag chair. She has gotten destructive when angry and seems to need a physical outlet for her anger. So far, Colin has not been on the receiving end of things. We have had some success in sending her to her room, but we have had to remove the closet doors and the shelves that were in there because she was slamming them or climbing up on the shelves to retrieve things off the high shelves.

Heather, enjoy spring break.

I don't know how long I'm going to last today - we are having our front porch mudjacked and they are drilling holes in the concrete right now! Very loud! Natalie is stationed at the window right next to them and I expect that Colin will be as well when he gets up from his nap (which I think will be soon due to the drilling!)

I flew back to Iowa last weekend to surprise my sister for her wedding shower. It was a quick trip - I was gone from home for just under 48 hours, but it was SO NICE to get a break from the kids. I got so much knitting done! It was great!

That is about all with us. We are going to try and get to the park today as the weather is beautiful. It is kind of windy, but its very nice otherwise.

Lara

[RunnerKim]

Tyra - thanks for the suggestion. I am planning to get some bean bags and corralling some soft/nerf balls and setting up a throwing area. Fortunately we have a mostly empty room (happens to be our front room/living room but oh well). I think the physical release part is very accurate but whether good or bad; it's more about getting Lainey's attention than being frustrated and mad. Or maybe he's frustrated that she doesn't pay attention to him non-stop. But it's often out of the blue when he does things. When he's mad at her he often hits her but it's only with his hand (although that has gotten a lot better as he's gotten older/able to communicate more) - it's the "play with me/pay attention to me" that I'm realizing is the bigger issue here.

His teacher suggested setting up other ways for him to initiate play (perhaps he's running up and swatting her with the bubblewand as way to get her to play). So I'll probably make up some activity cards with pictures/words of different things they like to do together and see if he'll run to get that and show it to her. Of course that doesn't solve the issue of her not wanting to play with him all the time. I'm not sure about it but it seems worth a try.

I don't think most of the time his actions are calculated but impulses so I think it's going to have to be just monitoring his much as possible and having a quick response when he does it. So that he starts to think before he does it. And that just might require his brain to develop a bit.

Kim

[HRJ]

Hi everyone. This thread has been really quiet, I see -- hope everyone is doing well, and is just really busy.

I'm finally getting back to normal -- I had a bit of a rough time for about a week after my surgery, and this whole recovery was a lot more difficult than I expected. But, I'm feeling -- and seeing -- much, much better now. :) I'm able to drive again, and I went back to work half-days this past week. The long-term prognosis is still a little up in the air, but for right now my ophthalmologist wants to watch how my eye is healing and how things are going before we consider whether I'll need another surgery anytime soon.

Victor handled things pretty well while I was recovering -- he got frustrated sometimes because our routine was a little out-of-whack, but in general he handled it very well. I can imagine, though, how difficult it would have been to go through this when he was younger and less able to understand what was going on.

One thing that he remembered from my surgery last summer was that for a few days afterward I had to wear an eye patch (a plastic eye protector, really) when I was sleeping. He decided that the patch made me look like a "pirate girl," ;) and he said he wanted one, too. So he decided to write a note that I could give to the post-op nurses, asking for his own eye patch. (We then had a very interesting discussion about why the word "eye" was spelled e-y-e, and didn't even have the letter "i" in it at all. Crazy language.)

I was so touched by all the help I got from the other moms at the PTO at Victor's school -- I am so thrilled with what a wonderful school community we belong to. Every evening for about a week and a half, someone came by with dinner for us. And the moms of Victor's friends took turns picking him up at school and bringing him to their houses for playdates after school, so that I could get some more rest.


Well, enough about me -- hope those of you who celebrate had a nice Easter.

((Kim and Lainey)) I was sorry to read about what happened, and that Lainey go hurt so badly -- how is she doing? But I'm so, so glad that her eye wasn't involved -- I just breathed a huge, huge sigh of relief that her eye is OK. (Guess I'm especially sensitive to eyes these days). How is Jamie doing, behavior-wise?


Helene

[hrk]

Good morning all

Helene- Glad to hear that your sight is doing well and that recovery has been OK. That is wonderful that you got so much support from the moms at Victor's school. It is great when friends step in and help out.

Susan- How was your trip to Arizona? How did the kids do on the flights? I hope all your worrying was for nothing and that everything went very well.

Kim- How is Lainey's eye doing? We find that timeouts for Ari are more effective when we put him in his room as well and just walk away. And I will certainly second what Tyra said, we find that both Logan and Ari need balls and other things around that can give them a physical release. We find at night especially that about 15 minutes of tag or hide and go seek really helps them to then calm down afterwards.

So spring break is over and now I am ready for a vacation. It was great having my parents here and they kept Logan so busy, but we also did so much stuff at night which I am not used to. Logan saw Horton hears a Who and really liked it. My parents said it was really well done and very appropriate for young kids. We went to the circus and they went back to their 3 ring format and the kids loved it. Ari especially loved the animals and spent almost the whole circus standing up looking for them. And yesterday we went to the Laurie Berkner concert. I have to say she is a wonderful entertainer and the boys really like her music.
Today it was back to the routine and the boys did pretty well with it. We will see how tired they are tonight.

As for me I seem to be in an emotional funk these days. Easter Sunday my SIL gave birth to a beautiful baby girl and it has just brought up all these crazy feelings. I have felt for a long time that I wanted more children but DH really feels like our family is done. Seeing that new little one has just brought all these back up. DH and I have been talking about it all week and we just are at different ends of the spectrum. I do have to admit that when we first talked about kids I always thought I only wanted 2 and DH and I were on the same page, but now I have this feeling like my family is not done yet and I want more. So does anyone have any advice on how you know when your family is done or how to get through these feelings?

Heather

[LA98]

I can't believe how long it's taken me to get back to this thread! :o

Kim, OUCH to Lainey's eye! Holy cow. So glad her eyesight is okay. Just reading the words "internal stitch" made my stomach go down to my toes. I can only imagine how you felt! I have also been looking for okay ways for Brian to express his anger. Somehow I can't reconcile letting him throw beanbags or something when we've always said "no throwing" especially when angry. I'm not sure he'd understand that some things are okay to throw? I really need to figure something out for him, he can get so angry sometimes it's just awful to watch.

Helene, a very belated happy birthday to you! It's a relief to hear you're getting back to your routine. Hope you get some good news at your next checkup. And I think it's wonderful that you got such great help from the moms.

Heather, I'm hoping to take Brian to see Horton too. Seeing the commercials made me realize that's one book we don't have! Although from the reviews I've read, the movie doesn't have all that much to do with the book. ;)

((Heather)) As for the family issue, I don't know that I can offer advice, but I can definitely relate, although in a different way (trouble conceiving, not a disagreement over number). DH and I always wanted two, and for some time there after Brian it was starting to look like a second wouldn't be happening for us. And it really hurt at the time because I was sure our family wasn't complete the way it was. And I also had some really weird baby-longing feelings fairly recently, even though I still didn't actually want a third. (Yes, I know that makes no sense at all!) I think I just had some lingering sadness at the "child-bearing" part of my life being over and maybe a smidge of sadness knowing I'll never have a daughter. The feelings were fairly intense there for a few weeks (I knew it was bad when I found myself unable to throw out a completely stained and useless 3-6 month size onesie! :rolleyes: ) and magically disappeared once I started dealing with all the nonsense at Brian's school... ;)

Lara, how's your porch??

Cheryl, glad to hear your consignment sale went well. That's a LOT of money! I just started taking in some clothes and toys to a consignment store in my town. I figured it's better than trying to get rid of them in a yard sale!

Susan, the school program sounds so cute. Did you ever get the T-ball straightened out? Brian's very into baseball all of a sudden. I set up a T for him but he wanted me to throw the ball to him. So I did, mostly to humor him, and I was shocked to find that he could actually hit the ball to me most of the time! I think we may have found his sport! :)

Lori

[RunnerKim]

Hi everyone,

Happy last day of March!

Heather - that's a tough place to be emotionally. For me, I know I'm done wanting to be pregnant (and my pregnancies were actually pretty good :o ). I wouldn't mind more kids in our family but I'm not really a baby person. I love having my nephews join our family on the weekends. There was a time recently when I thought I could have been pregnant again - there really wasn't a chance of it but I had some feelings that were so similar to when I was pregnant that I couldn't help but wonder. I was relieved and disappointed at the same time when it turned out definitively that I wasn't. DH just had a vasectomy last week so we really are done with pregnancy. For me, the way I deal with the "but maybe" is to realize there are other options for expanding the family besides me being pregnant. I (and DH) are open to those - fostering, adopting, being a significant adult in a child's life that isn't in our custody etc. and they don't need to happen now. It could be 10 or even 20 years before we pursue some of those options. I don't know if that is at all helpful for you because it's not the baby thing for me.

Lainey's doing great and looking pretty decent. She's been so...nonchalant about this whole thing. I was talking about it with one of the teachers about how she was handling it and she wasn't surprised at all. She has a daughter the same age (they were in the older preschool class together) and Lainey would always be a calming influence on her much more dramatic daughter. It was interesting to get that perspective.

Here's a picture from about a week after the "stool incident." - she'd just gotten the stitches out the evening before. All the redness below her eye is now gone and the part on the side is less red and raised.

http://www.wierhere.net/portland/blog/uploaded_images/DSC_4417-759753.jpg

I have a whole series of these photos and I just loved them because as I was processing them, it wasn't her "scar" that I was noticing first but her eyes etc. It made me feel much better. I put scar in quotes because it's not a scar yet really but there's a distinct line and raised area and I know it won't completely disappear.

As to Jamie, we've had some success with modifying his behavior. I think having the throwing area has helped. We've also worked within that very active time to talk about needing to take a break to calm your body, which I think has helped too.

Lori - I too wrestled with the whole throwing thing and here's what we came up with. Obviously there are times it's perfectly okay to throw - playing baseball for example. So it's not like it's never okay to throw. And we realized it wasn't always clear cut that you can't throw in the house because quite honestly we did sometime throw things in the house - toss the keys to DH or whatever. The difference is that we can control our throws where a toddler can't really. Anyway, what we've decided is that it's okay to throw in this one room. It's okay to throw these certain things (big vinyl balls and the bean bags). It is NOT okay to throw them at someone unless you're playing catch (which has been agreed upon by both people). No ball fights, dodgeball or whatever. There have been a few times where I knew I could not tell Jamie not to throw - I could see it in his body language. So having a place for him to do that seems to be helping.

This weekend he tagged along to a birthday party for one of Lainey's friends. All the parents were impressed with how well he could whack the pinata. :rolleyes: Maybe I'll be laughing about all this when he's pitching for his high school baseball team, or doing shot put or something.

The timeouts in his room are generally much better than on the stairs. For him, being more isolated is important. One time (out of about 5 so far) he was playing with something in his room. But I think that's fine too - for him it's about leaving a situation where he can't be respectful. Maybe he'll learn he can go to his room and play by himself when his body is that way.

I've seen him struggling to control himself a few times and not always succeeding but I feel pretty good about his progress. It's only been a little over a week and he's still not-quite-three (so I'm not expecting miracles).

He did a couple of "growing up" things this past week. In one of parenting-weak moments we let the kids play together unsupervised in Lainey's room. Lainey comes to tell me that Jamie is drawing on the ceiling (from the top bunk). Arghh. We've been focusing so much on the other behavior issues I'm not sure how to address this one and ask him what should happen. I'm thinking along the lines of cutting his hands off. But we talk about him cleaning it up. I'm in the middle of making dinner and DH was doing something (hence why we lapsed and let them go off) but DH went up to inspect the damage or short while later and called me to the room. Jamie had found some baby wipes and was trying to rub off the crayon markings by himself. Ahh.

He's also tried to clean up a couple of poop accidents himself recently. Having the accidents is pretty unusual but I'm guessing from the mess he might be having some softer poop/issues. A toilet bowl full of tp. :eek: Fortunately he didn't try to flush.

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