December TTC Vets/Vets in Transition

[cangoss]

I'm hoping this is my last month to start this thread for a couple of years at least... I'm not quite ready to move over to the pg thread with all the drama going on right now.

Leah - I am thinking about your beta tomorrow with fingers and toes crossed.

ChristyMarie - Hope you have good news shortly too.

I had the CVS this morning. It wasn't that bad, though not exactly fun. The worst part was having the speculum in for 15 minutes with a full bladder. The dr. was able to get both of them vaginally so I didn't have to be faced with a giant needle in my abdomen. Now I'm on 24 hours of "resting quietly".

[ellery]

Thanks for starting things Candace. Glad the CVS wasn't too bad - I didn't do that particular test with DS so don't know too much about it.

I'm currently resisting the urge to lay low and pout and disappear off the boards for a while. Because I like to prepare myself, I've done a few HPT's at home with no happy results to report. I'm 12 dpo and had my first positive HPT at 11 dpo with my son, so I'm pretty convinced that my beta tomorrow will be negative. And pretty amazed at the lengths I will go to in order to see an imaginary second line on an HPT. (Will not discuss falling off the toilet seat as I held the test up to the ceiling light in the bathroom).

And despite my cynical words about not having faith in this cycle, I'm also surprised at how devastated I am at it not working. Sigh.

I guess I'll see what the plan is tomorrow when the RE's office calls with the results of my beta. I doubt they would have me cycle again this soon, so maybe another IVF in January, and then decide whether to give up?

Needless to say, I've been indulging in some Twizzler therapy (and other comfort carbs)...

[2HUNGRY!]

Thinking of you today Leah.

[ellery]

Thinking of you today Leah.

Thank you. :)

I'm actually a little embarrassed to post now, as this thread seems to have a lot of lurkers, and this whole process is embarrassing enough on its own...:o

Anyway, to add to the general crappiness of the day, I had to break down and call my RE's office just now to find out my blood test results. I guess they weren't planning on calling me on my own? Negative, as I'd expected. I go in for a consult with my RE in two weeks to discuss the plan, as none of my leftover embryos made it to freezing stage.

I'm very nervous that he's going to refuse to let me cycle again, that I'm just too crappy a candidate to waste his time on.

Meanwhile, I'm just surprised by all the tears. They started at 9 am in the lab this morning (poor phlebotomist) and have continued on off and on all day (very good for work productivity). I'd thought I was more okay with things than I am, I guess.

So I guess I'll take the title on as "official thread killer" as I don't think there's anyone else out there cycling or about to.

:rolleyes:

[cangoss]

:(
I was so hoping that your POS tests were just not sensitive enough.
Tears are to be expected and totally normal. I'm sure you know that though.
Do you have any other options for a clinic, even if it means driving further?
I hope your wtf meeting is more hopeful than you anticipate though.

((((((Leah))))))

[ChristyMarie]

I'm so sorry.:(

I'm 9 dpo and no symptoms so I imagine I'll be experiencingg the tears shortly. It just s*cks to wait and hope. And so frustrating.

[ellery]

Oh Christie - I'm so sorry to forget about you. My head is so far up my butt today. :( And there's no reason to think you're out at 9dpo - I had no pregnancy symptoms the cycle I was pregnant, and no pregnancy symptoms this cycle. I'll have to live vicariously through you and hope that I've taken the bad luck for this thread and left you with the good stuff. ;)

Candace, unfortunately since I live in not quite the boonies, but not quite a metropolitan area, I don't have many RE options. My RE is the only one within 150 miles who does IVF, and as it is, he's an hour away.

I'm prepared to argue with him if he tries to talk me out of doing another IVF cycle. For as much as he b*tches about me being "old" and having crap eggs, isn't that why he's in business?

And I'm sorry to sound negative about lurkers. I lurk on plenty of threads. It was just sort of disconcerting to see the number of views this thread got increase and increase over the course of today. ;)

So I've decided that I'll use the time before my next IVF to get healthy again. I've had this sinus infection and all the accompanying pain and misery for the past 5 weeks and I'm looking forward to being able to take antibiotics (again) and hopefully finally kick it for good. And getting back on the treadmill and into my workout videos. This'll be the last IVF my insurance covers, so ... I guess I'll get out the rest of the tears tonight and move on tomorrow.

[Chelle D]

((Leah)) I am sorry for your news today. It sucks that you had to call. I remember calling myself on one of my negatives too. I know they deny it, but I think they wait and call all the negatives right at the end of the day.

Christy - Good Luck! It is too early to feel anything and I think that pg symptoms feel just like AF flow symptoms so you never really can tell until the test. Hang in there!

Candace - I am glad that it was not "too" bad for you in the sense that you can avoid the big needle.


As for me, I am moving right along. I uploaded my profile to Shutterfly last night. Here is a link to the book if you'd like to take a peek -

share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=9AYs2zdo3cO-A

I ended up going with them because of a sale and an email coupon and they were really easy to use. I also did my birthmom letter for the website of the adoption service....SO! I think I will be all set before we leave for Denmark on the Dec 17. My goal is to just be a "waiting family" when we get back in January.

[ellery]

Michelle - you did an amazing job on the shutterfly book. (I use them for books every Christmas). It will be a lucky baby that will get to grow up with you all as parents.

[cangoss]

Michelle - the shutterfly book is a fabulous portrait of your family. A little one is going to be lucky to become a part of it.

Leah - I know what you mean about worrying about the lurkers... I know I've done my share as I've shared things here that some of my closest friends don't know (and never will know). Our last thread had over 6000 views. Yikes. Working on getting healthy again and then being prepared to fight for another chance seems like a good battle plan to me.

Christy - I agree with Leah that it's too early for anything to be definitive - sending good thoughts your way for good news later this week.

[kbs]

Hi Ladies,
I'm a former lurker and think I'm ready to join this thread. So here's my story:
Me- 34, prev dx of PCOS by Gyn, but not confirmed by RE
DH- 33, no known issues
TTC 3 years (i think, who knows anymore)

We started seeing an RE in January and became pg on our June cycle, which was our first treatment of Gonal-F. At our 16 week check up, there no longer was a heartbeat so I had a D&C in early October. And now I'm ready to get back into the game.

My original plan was to see the RE after I had two periods, but after I thought about that for awhile I had this epiphany that would actually mean we would start trying on our 4th cycle since the m/c- which I've decided is just too long. So I called the RE and have an appointment for next Thursday. I did finally get my period last Friday. This is probably TMI, but it came on Black Friday while I was in Joann fabric with my MIL. And i promptly announced it her as soon as we got in the car- you would have thought I'd won the lottery I was so excited. I'm sure she was probably horrified, but whatever. I was just happy to not have to wait any longer or have to do any meds.

((Ellery)) - I'm so sorry about the BFN. I know that even when you feel like you're mentally preparing yourself for that, somehow it's still devastating.

ChristyMarie- you're definitely not out yet! I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you!


Chelle- That album is fabulous!

-Kim

[Chelle D]

This is probably TMI, but it came on Black Friday while I was in Joann fabric with my MIL. And i promptly announced it her as soon as we got in the car- you would have thought I'd won the lottery I was so excited. I'm sure she was probably horrified, but whatever. I was just happy to not have to wait any longer or have to do any meds.



LOL! I love these kinds of stories that only us fertility-challenged people understand. My favorite recent story from my support group co-leader is that she as driving from her job home at the end of the day and had to pee really bad. But it was a long drive and she knew she was probably ovulating and did not have any sticks with her. So she went into Wendy's and asked for an empty cup....they did not understand and she had to say it a couple times :o Yep, she went into the restroom, filled it, and carried it out of Wendy's and home, trying to avoid as many potholes as she could :o:D Things like this crack me up! I'm excited for your period too!

[food girl]

Why do we lurk?

This question has been bumping around in my head since yesterday when I read Leah's post. One of the great things about this kind of communication is that you have time to think about what you want to say!

I lurk on this thread, because having a baby is such a HUGE part of the life experience of a woman. I want all of you to have babies. I lurk in hopes of reading good news and I pray for you all who are struggling and hurting. Just like IRL, sometimes I just don't know what to say. The situation sucks and you wish it could be different and it's just not fair that some people get pg at the drop of a hat and others have to invest so much money not to mention the emotional rollercoaster.

I can't speak for all the lurkers, but I'm here rooting for each of you.

Lisa

[melis_d]

Just checking in to let everyone know I am fine, physically recovered and working on the emotional side of things. DS provides lots of perspective and laughter even on days that are tough emotionally.

(((Leah))) -- so sorry this cycle did not work out for you. Here's hoping your RE will approach your next conversation with the compassion and support that you so richly deserve.

Candace -- I'm glad to hear that the CVS wasn't so bad and I'm hoping that everything goes smoothly with the rest of your pregnancy.

Christy -- I'm still holding out hope for you. If it's not this cycle, maybe the next one.

Michelle -- Best of luck with the rest of your adoption process. Your shutterfly book is great. Enjoy your holidays and trip and here's hoping that everything goes smoothly (and quickly) when you return.

Kim -- My heart goes out to you. Here's hoping that your next cycle is successful.

I'll be lurking in the future, hoping all who have to join this thread are successful in their efforts. Take care everyone.

Best wishes,

Melissa

[Chelle D]

Melissa - Nice to hear from you. I am so happy that you have a DS at home that can make you smile even on the worst days.

Take care and I am happy that we have lurkers thinking about us. I know I have lurked on this thread for many years too!

[ChristyMarie]

I'm officially not pregnant. Once again I think we conceived and it didn't stick.:(

I have an appt with the specialist at the University of Chicago on Monday. What a lovely commute that will be as my appt is at 10. If I didn't get motion sickness it might actually be worth taking the train.:rolleyes:

I have no idea what she's going to say but we've decided we'd do IVF if that is what is suggested. Just think of the medical deduction we'll have on our next tax returns!:eek:

[ellery]

Oh Christy, I'm so very sorry. ((()))

[Bawstinn]

Leah and Christy I am so sorry.

[2HUNGRY!]

Christy and Leah, I am so, so sorry. This time of year is so hard if you are struggling.

Melissa -- Good to "see" you. My thoughts are with you as well.

Candace -- I too hope this is the last thread you'll have to start for a long long time.

Chelle -- Great book!

[Chelle D]

Christy - I am so sorry. Let us know what happens at your follow-up.

[ellery]

Just checking in to let everyone know I am fine, physically recovered and working on the emotional side of things. DS provides lots of perspective and laughter even on days that are tough emotionally.

Melissa

I just wanted to pop back in and say how glad I was to hear from you.

I don't have anything more eloquent to say than that this TTC thing is excruciating and I'm glad that you have DS to provide the perspective and giggles. (((Melissa)))

Nothing new on my end. Just counting down the days until the RE consult next week and hoping desperately that he has a plan for me besides giving up. I'd forgotten how much about TTC (IVF) was counting down - counting down to start a cycle, counting down until ER, ET, beta, etc.

[Chelle D]

Hello everyone. I hope you are having a good week (considering all the stresses we have!).

Things here are moving along. Our profile is in and we are officially a "waiting family" for a child. It's weird though and I don't know how many of these I will get, but we have already had 2 situations to consider. I don't know how they will work out in the end and I am 100% certain that God will provide the best outcome for us and the birthmoms, but I was hoping for a "match" and then a wait and see if she follows through. I did not expect some of the things we have been getting that we need to consider and think about.

Anyway, I know it's vague the way I've explained it, I just don't know how much detail I want to go into. There's really not much detail anyway, just "what ifs," at this point.

So that's okay. We are waiting and getting things in order to pay our big bill for our home study and profile fees before we leave for Denmark next week.

[kbs]

((Christy)) - I'm so sorry.

ellery- good luck with your doctor's appointment next week. I totally agree with you on the waiting aspect of fertility - it's very frustrating.

Melissa - good to hear from you and that you are hanging in there.

Michelle- Good luck with the homestudy. I don't know anyone who has ever gone through the adoption process, so I'm not sure what's involved. But it sounds very exciting to be at the point of a waiting family status. Hopefully after the holidays you'll return to some good news!

As for me, we had our appt with our RE yesterday and I left feeling pretty blue. Not for any real reason- I guess just because I had hoped that we could try starting with my next cycle, which of course if not the case. I think also both DH and I were feeling like we thought we were done with the times of sitting in that waiting room, watching the other couples- I always sit there thinking that I've never been around so much desperation as when I'm there.

Because all of our stuff is a year old now, we have to do most of the tests again- bloodwork, semenanalysis, etc. The doctor also wants to do a hysteroscopy, which the nurse assured me was worlds better than the HSG. She just wants to make sure that everything looks ok, make sure there is no scarring from the D&C, etc. So it's looking like I'll be out of the game until late January or so. BOO. I hate waiting.

-Kim

[cangoss]

I've been kind of awol from this thread... my mental state is not great right now with the reduction looming next week. The CVS results all came back normal, so we will reduce the identical twins, because it is our best shot at a healthy pregnancy.

ChristyMarie - sorry to hear about your BFN. Why are you thinking of going straight to IVF? Would you do it for PGD?

Michelle - Congrats on getting all of your profile stuff together. It is amazing how quickly things can work sometimes. We had friends in our cooking club in Ann Arbor who got home from a cooking club dinner one Saturday night and had a message on their machine about a potential situation - the b.m. had given birth that day and picked them. They took home their baby girl three days later. Hope you have a wonderful trip to Denmark.

kbs - welcome to the thread no one wants to join. Hope things went well at your appointment yesterday and you're back on track to cycle.

Leah - still keeping you in my thoughts. Good luck with your consult next week.

and Melissa - glad to hear that you're healing and hanging in there.

[2HUNGRY!]

Candace -- My thoughts are with you next week. Take care.

[ellery]

Oh, Candace, I'm so sorry about what's ahead for you next week. I guess I'd been hoping that nature would make the decision for you.

It's not fair that you all have to go through this. :(

[Chelle D]

(((Candace)))

[cangoss]

Thanks for all of the good thoughts.

Checking in post-procedure to report that we are expecting a baby boy and everything is measuring on target:)

The mental was worse than the physical, and I'm just glad to have it behind us at this point and hopefully the rest of the pregnancy will be normal and uneventful. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.

Looking forward to a couple of days of taking it easy and then we travel to Michigan for the holidays.

Leah - did you have your consult yet?

[ellery]

Candace, I'm so glad that you checked in. I've been thinking about you a lot and wondering when things were happening. I'm thinking *denial* will be your friend throughout this. There are some things that are just too painful for me to think about, so I just put them in a mental drawer, closer the drawer, lock it, and walk away.

Meanwhile, yay for the healthy baby boy! Boys are awesome. :D :D :D

My consult isn't until Friday. The agency that I work for isn't doing well in this economy, so we each have to take 5 unpaid days off (versus someone losing a job). I feel it best to just take all Friday off as my first furlough day to process the consult and whatever its results are. The appointment is at 9:30 and I'm gearing up to have to convince (butthead) RE that we need to do another cycle (or two :( ) in order to give this the good ole college try. Then I'll do some Christmas shopping and end the day with a Christmas party at my son's daycare. So no matter how the day goes, I'll end the day with some perspective.

[Chelle D]

Candace - I agree with Leigh....boys are great! :-) I know it's so difficult, but the tough part is behind you and I pray that your pregnancy goes smoothly and I can't wait to see a birth announcement !

On our end, we leave in the morning for Denmark and will be gone until January 6, so it's beena crazy day for me here with packing. The adoption front is the same....wait, wait, wait, which I am sure is how it will be from now on.

Leigh - Good luck with your consult. I'll be on as much as I can be (have to kick DH off his business laptop in Denmark) and will check in from time to time.

Have a Merry Christmas everyone.

[ChristyMarie]

Well I met with Dr Stephenson at the U of Chicago Monday. 18 vials of blood later....:p She seems to be an excellent doctor. I have to get the sample from my last d&c sent to her for analyzation and have a uterine biopsy in January. Then meet to discuss results and decide what the next step is.

Thank you so much for the referral!!!:)

[ellery]

Checking in after my consult today. RE was in a good mood because they were having their holiday party today, so he was actually almost human. As he delivered the news that odds of me ever having another child that I'm biologically related to are almost nonexistent. He explained it as me having been shortchanged when I was given my supply of eggs at birth, because I don't seem to have any good ones left. He'll do one more IVF with me, with the next opening being in March, but is only willing to do that because I have one more that my insurance will cover. If I was paying for it myself, he wouldn't do it. After that we either move on to donor eggs (which will cost in the neighborhood of $15,000 and involve a waiting period as there are more recipients waiting than donors to go around) or just give up on the idea of having another child.

DH thinks our RE is just being a butthead and that I should look around at other clinics and try to get a consult over the phone or in person with the clinic in Charleston, but I really don't see the point. If I'm not working with good stuff, I can't see what changing doctors will do.

Still digesting it all, but it's pretty devastating. Fortunately I'm about to head to DS's Christmas party at his daycare now, so hopefully that will give me some perspective and cheer me up a little.

Hope everyone else is having a better day...

Leah

[ChristyMarie]

Leah, I'm all for second opinions, especially with something this important. If you only have one more ins. cycle make it count with someone who isn't just going through the motions.

[cangoss]

((((leah)))))
I agree with your DH - time for a second opinion.
A friend was given the "no hope with your own eggs" lecture a few months ago and then switched doctors and the new doctor came up with all sorts of things to try and also to improve egg quality. She just had a D&C this week as part of that process and hasn't actually cycled yet.

If you get to the point of paying for it on your own, you might also look into one of the national clinics like CCRM or Cornell - you can get monitored locally and then travel there for retrieval and transfer. If you look on IVFconnections, you will find lots of women who were given no hope at local small clinics and then went to one of the biggies and found success.

[SusanPC]

Leah --- I just wanted to add my $0.02 on switching clinics if you aren't happy....IMHO, the quality of the lab is a HUGE factor in the success. So, some labs are better than others, esp. when there are egg quality issues. I've got a friend that only got one immature egg at retrieval......the lab did wonders maturing it for a day before doing ICSI, etc. and she has a 6 month old today. Also, some clinics seem very focused on their stats....which causes them to write off the harder cases earlier than need be. Don't give up. ((((HUGS)))

[mst]

I can't stay away from this thread. ;)

Leah- if you can, go somewhere else. Truly. I have known people who have worked with clinics for years, switched, and gotten pregnant with the new protocol. Plus, he sounds like a less than pleasant man to work with.

Christymarie- sounds like a good plan!

Michelle- loved your book. Only a matter of time until a b-mom chooses you for her lucky child!