POLL: Does your SO help in the kitchen?

[BlueMoose]

I'm so jealous of some of you who have husbands who actually cook. I'm just wondering how many of them do.

My DH is NO help in the kitchen. The only thing he ever cooks is eggs for himself (he will put a blob of butter in a nonstick pan to make them). Oh, he makes toast with them, too. Granted, I am a SAHM, so I don't work for money. But when you consider life as a whole, I work WAAAAY more than he does! He never does the dishes, and often gets up from the table after eating and leaves his dirty dishes on the table (leaving me still feeding the kids). After all there is TV to watch and the computer to play with! He can't empty the dishwasher because he doesn't know where half of the dishes belong.

Yes, I know I should "train" him better. But there is not much that can be said to him before he thinks I'm nagging him.

Thanks for letting me vent. Anyway, is your SO like mine, or do you have a gourmet chef who cleans up after himself (or herself)? Or somewhere in between?

Just wondering,
Chrisi :rolleyes:

[Chefzhat]

I do ALL the cooking (and I do mean all) but my lovely DH hops up from the table and cleans it up - without even being asked. That has been his pattern throughout our entire 11 year marriage. It's almost as if he's so grateful for a good meal that he'll do anything to get another one! Thank goodness, because while I try to clean while cooking it gets out of hand. That's also our time to talk because the kids disappear (of course) and we are alone in the kitchen - him with his hands in the sink, me with a cup of tea.

BTW, I am a SAHM also, this is his way to give me an "end" to my day, just like he has. We talked about this in DETAIL before we made the decision for me to stay home (and give up a WONDERFUL career). This was our agreement, and he's stuck to it.

I don't know how to get your hubby to "train", I know that most of my friends don't have a helpful hubby either - mine seems to be unique. It does feel good to vent, doesn't it??

[KValley]

Chrisi,

I am very blessed. DH was well-trained by MIL before I ever got a hold of him. He's not that much of a cook(just not as interested), but he will help in any prep work that I ask of him. We were talking about this yesterday- he declared himself more of a Fall/Winter foods cook (soups, stews) so I am thinking of a getting him a crock pot. Every so often he will make part or most of a meal. I do get a bit stressed, because he is so focused on cleaning up every step of the way and starting the meal with no dirty dishes, that it slows him down. I'd rather he just focus on the meal, but he is learning!! He also gets a bit tense when I make suggestions, so I have to learn to keep my mouth shut and just let him go! He also said yesterday that he enjoys peaceful, meditative prep work, like peeling potatoes and chopping vegetables. Where did I find this guy?

He always does the dinner dishes (we have no dishwasher)- he puts on the CD walkman and jams to the Eagles.

We did have some housework issues a few years ago, but they seemed to have worked themselves out. He vacuums, takes out the garbage, does evening dishes; I dust and clean the bathroom, mop the floors, grocery shop. We both do laundry. Cooking I don't count as a chore, really.

He hates the computer and we don't have TV. I am the one running to check the BB after dinner!

We certainly have our issues, and I'm sure there will be further negotiations once we have children (I can see where I will want him to take a greater role in meal prep), but I am happy where we are now.

[LaraW]

DH actually is a pretty good cook. I don't think he was interested in cooking much before we started dating, but now he reads my CL's and makes suggestions about what we should have. We do the grocery list and shopping together. Now that we are in a new city, we are still looking for a grocery store that we like. We haven't been successful yet, though...

One thing that I really look forward to is cooking dinner together. It is really our way to unwind at the end of the day. I really missed that when we were "single" during the month of June.

DH and I currently have a 2 hour/day commute to and from work. It is early when we leave and late when we get back. We had some errands to do the other day after work, and it was nearly 8:00 before we got home. I was exhausted, and DH just took care of making dinner. It was wonderful! Sometimes food tastes better when I DON'T have to cook it!

[brendat4]

Let's see .. . I would say yes and no. When we were first married (almost 8 years ago) our "DEAL" was for me to cook and for him to clean because I like and know how to cook. That went by the wayside many years ago. On a day to day basis, my DH will: pour the drinks for the meal, make the salad (if we're having one) and sometimes pick up his dishes at the dinner table (not always though . . .grrr). He will clean out the dishwasher, but usually only if I ask first. He really doesn't take the initiative in much, but is willing to help if I ask. Considering his mother did EVERYTHING for him & his siblings I'd say this is pretty good since I had to start "training" him when he was already 25 years old! It used to shock me when I first met him that for family dinners his (adult) siblings would just leave the table with all their dishes still sitting there. Growing up, I was taught to clear my plate--at least to the kitchen.

As far as cooking, he has his "specialties": breakfast (mainly eggs, bacon, pancakes or waffles), barbecue (anything on the grill--he likes to experiment. Coming from a "non-grilling" family he does pretty well!) and specialty cooking. Like, lately he is obsessed with Vietnamese food. If he tries something in a restaurant that he really likes he will try to make it at home too. He also came up with these awesome mango/poblano pepper quesadillas like what we had in a restaurant in Austin.

I am also a SAHM so I think it's just the nature of our "job" for the housework to be dumped on us. Now that our daughter is on solid foods, he will also feed her sometimes while I cook our dinner. He enjoys his time with her and I know she does too.

Ok, I've rambled on enough now!

[SandyM]

My DH doesn't cook much, except for the grilling. But, he IS a big help in the kitchen. Always offering to shred cheese, dice tomatoes, onions, potatoes, whatever. While I usually chase guests out of the kitchen, I welcome his help wholeheartedly, because of "bonding time". It's amazing what we discuss, standing at our island, sharp implements in hand!! :D :D :D

What I offer thanks to his mother for, each and every time I see her (she lives 2000 miles away) is somehow instilling in him what I consider fairness, albeit unusual. If I cook, he insists on cleaning up, regardless of the help he provided. The first time we had my best friend and her husband out for the weekend, we sat around the table after dinner, talking. I started to move away from the table, and my friend picked up her plate. He said "Nuh uh - put it down, and I'll see you in a few minutes." She looked at me with a puzzled, 'What have you done' look, and I just smiled. As we walked into the livingroom, her husband a safe distance behind, she said "How did you DO that??" I didn't. He did. Her husband barely knows where the dishes go in the kitchen, and yet Jim handles the clean up with ease.

For many reasons I feel blessed, but seeing threads like this, I get to remind myself of one more reason......

[AZLorena]

I am very lucky....My DH likes to cook as much as I do. We used to trade off cooking nights....but lately we have discovered that we really enjoy making meals together.

Cleaning is a different story. I have to tell him when I want him to do the dishes. I don't mind doing that either. At first I felt like he should take the initiative.....but then I realized that he just doesn't think about it and I could either get mad for something that I think that he should know to do, or I could tell him to do it and he does.... making both of us happy.

[Missi]

I feel very blessed as well. DH is an excellent cook and LOVES it. He is regreting lately that he didn't go to culinary school. (He works in the hospitality industry and is currently managing a restaurant at a resort). His favorite chef of all time is Paul Prudhomme and cooks out of his cookbooks frequently. I've really turned him on to CL, because he feels the recipes are still "gourmet" enough for him. We each have different days off, and like to both cook on our days off, so we eat really well for at least 4 nights out of the week. We got a big kick out of the article in CL several months back about spouses working together in the kitchen. We both would rather work alone and then serve the other, hearing the ohhs and ahhs of appreciation. We are constantly trying new recipes and new ingredients, and are pretty addicted to new and interesting cookbooks. The only time I can get him to go shopping with me is if we go to a gourmet grocery store or a kitchen supply store. He was disappointed recently when he had to work instead of going to a pampered chef party my friend was having. I really like being able to share the love of cooking with him.

As for cleaning, we have the rule that who ever doesn't cook, cleans, as long as the one who cooks has tried to clean as they go. No, he doesn't clean to my standards, but I have learned to let it go.

I know I am very lucky to have a DH who cooks and cleans. Growing up my mother waited hand and foot on my father. I would always tell myself I was NEVER going to be like that. I'm going to have to thank my MIL again next time I see her, for raising such a great son!!!!!! :)

[luv2cook]

Chrisi. We must send you Training Husbands 101. How dare he leave his dishes on the table!?! Are we in the '60's? :p

In all seriousness, taking care of kids, cooking, cleaning and all that other stuff is work. Plus you do work, too, making doggie biscuits, right? Have you asked him to help you????

[KathrynY]

My DH is the head dishwasher, I am the head chef and we do the menu planning and grocery shopping together. He does like to cook, but usually on the weekends when there's a bit more time. He is a scientist, and I frequently find him in the spice cupboard, sprinkling a bit of this or that into whatever is cooking on the stove :rolleyes: (have to watch him with the hot pepper!). He is also King of Breakfast - pancakes are his specialty.

It did take several years of marriage to come to an arrangement that worked for both of us. Like others have said, sometimes you have to bite your tongue and let the little things go if you don't want to do it all yourself.

[vstowe]

I also am so jealous of most of you. My DH never works in the kitchen. I can remember one time when we first got married (17 years ago) and I was sick, so he tried to fix dinner. He made mashed potatoes and a water gravy. He though he would save time and go ahead and add the gravy to the potatoes. Well we ended up having BLAND potatoe soup.

And as far as doing dishes, I went to see my mom one summer and when i got back the kitchen looked WONDERFUL I thought WOW he CAN clean. Well a few weeks later I was looking under my bed for something and guess what I found, yep dirty dishes and pans!

So after 17 years I have given up hope of my DH helping in the kitchen. But I have 3 boys and I have taught them how to clean, shop for groeceries and we are just starting cooking.

[emily]

My DB considered scrambled eggs and fried hot dogs to be his favorite meal when we first met. When we first lived together he learned through my cooking to like vegetables once declaring, "this is so good I don't even miss the meat!"

We've now moved into a house with a tiny kitchen, but a gas stove, and not only does he help with the cooking, sometimes he TAKES OVER. I made a Mexican pork stew for a dinner party a few weeks ago and began making homemade salsa as an appetizer - he took a taste declared it to be horrible pushed me out of the way and began fussing with it. This is one of the times when I wish he would just stay at his turn tables (his primary hobby is being a dj). Although, his salsa was really good.

We have the agreement that if I cook, he cleans. In theory this would be fine, but he doesn't mind seeing dirty dishes sit in the sink for 2 nights. I'm irritated if I wake up in the morning and they're still in the sink. Plus, if I'm going to make anything for breakfast or dinner that night, I'll end up doing the cleaning anyway. We've been discussing it and yesterday cleaned up together, him rinsing and scrubbing all the dishes/pots - me putting them in the dishwasher. We'll see how it goes.:mad: :mad: :mad:

[Cookie_Mom]

My husband isn't big on cooking but there are a couple of things he considers his "specialties". He cooks good breakfast food, and he loves cooking a complete turkey dinner w/stuffing, mashed potato, etc. At night I usually do the dishes only because I'd rather do that and have him play w/the kids because he doesn't get to spend as time w/them as I do. Once in a while he'll just do them anyway, and if he knows I worked hard to cook a really big meal he just knows that the cleanup is his job. My MIL did a good job training both my hubby and his brother, so I guess I can thank her. If my hubby ever left his dirty dishes on the table I think I'd slap him! Even my kids know enough not to do that!

Amy:)

[browneye]

Bluemoose-
I won't bore you with my stories, I have a very good situation.

I would suggest you tactfully negotiate and re-train that man. I am much older than you are, but would never, ever tolerate that kind of stuff. Raising kids and being a mother is incredibly challenging, and the hardest work a person can do. He is also missing out on quality family time if he heads for the TV after dinner. What about the whole family helping in the kitchen, then doing something together afterward? ( I am not sure how old the child or children are) The rewards reaped will be soooo much more satisfying that watching re-runs on TV....

IMHO, don't mean to offend, but there are ways to lovingly re-direct this man!!! Before you get angry and blow.....

:D

[Jewel]

I'm another one with a Kitchen Fairy. OK, wait a minute...I just had this visual image of my Stud Puppie husband in tights, flitting about our kitchen with little irridescent wings on his back. Scratch that; I have a Kitchen Angel. Better wings, no tights.

He has only let me do dishes in my kitchen maybe once in the four years we've been together, when he has been at home. That was when two of his co-workers came to our home for Easter dinner and I made him go entertain them after dinner. Aside from that day, he believes that since I've done the cooking he's doing the dishes. He will allow me to put leftovers into Tupperware and to bring the plates and such into the kitchen from the dining room, but I'd better not touch the bottle of Dawn Dishwashing Liquid.

DH likes to cook and thinks he's good at it, but he's not near as good as he thinks he is! He forgets we are a family of 2 and makes lasagna for 12 and meatloaf for 8! He also has a thing about following a recipe EXACTLY which is OK I guess, but part of my success in the kitchen has been my creativity with the written word. He does make a killer meatloaf, so I always leave that to him! I wish he got off work earlier and our kitchen was bigger so we COULD maybe cook together and I could gently give him some pointers. Like SandyM, I think that could be a real bonding time...but until he gets home from work earlier and our kitchen grows, I'll just sit back and feel blessed that he loves helping me out in the kitchen when he IS there! :D

[SandyM]

Originally posted by Jewel
I'm another one with a Kitchen Fairy. OK, wait a minute...I just had this visual image of my Stud Puppie husband in tights, flitting about our kitchen with little irridescent wings on his back. Scratch that; I have a Kitchen Angel. Better wings, no tights.



Errrr...........I don't think she was around the boards when TheKitchenAngel was, ladies, so please don't give her too much of a hassle :D :D :D

Kitchen Fairy. Stud Puppy. What other names do you have for this big dude??? hehehe

[beacooker]

Who was TheKitchenAngel?

I have to brag that my DH is really great about helping in the kitchen. I cook most of the time, and he always cleans up. If I am too tired to cook, he is usually happy to do it for me. In some ways he is a more inventive cook than I am, but he doesn't know as much about techniques and ingredients. There have been a few times when I have been late coming home from work, and when I get home I find that he has gone ahead and started cooking dinner. What a great surprise at the end of a long day! :)

He really didn't start out this way, it took years of training, and lots of arguments, too. The whole housework thing was always a big issue between us until we started paying someone to clean our house every few weeks - worth every single penny, we don't argue nearly as much.

BlueMoose, it does sound like some gentle re-training is called for, you deserve a break! For one thing, you maybe you could supervise him emptying the dishwasher a few times, so he learns where everything goes. And there is no earthly reason he can't clear his dishes from the table!

[BlueMoose]

I'm also curious about the KitchenAngel now!

See, the thing is, I choose not to make the dishes an issue, because whenever I try some "gentle guidance" he thinks I am trying to control him. And he needs so much guidance at times that I don't make a big deal about the dishes. I think I'm married to a 41 year old who is going on 14. That's what I get for getting married to a 33 year old when I was 24. I thought I was mature, but in reality, I've found that he was just immature! :eek: I've continued to grow up since we got married and he hasn't. This has really become apparent since we've had our kids. A lot of times I think he wishes he was still single :( .

But I'm definitely going to train my son to be different with his wife! Whether it will work or not, I can't say. But I'm going to try!

Chrisi :)

[Beth]

KitchenAngel was someone who used the BB to pormote her own business and interests and then attacked anyone who suggested it was inappropriate or who expressed a different view. She was asked to stop (if not blocked from posting) before the BB switched to the current format last year, then came back more recently, but quickly pronounced us all unfit for her company and appearantly left again.

My DH once worked in the galley of a large oil tanker. He got very good at slicing and dicing. He can also follow recipes well and grill. We've spent most of our years with both of us working, but I have noticed a shift in the way things get done in the last year that I've been a SAHM.

[NormaD]

This thread has touched a sore spot with me. It's something that's been on my mind a lot lately. I left my part-time job two years ago to be a stay at home Mom and while I always did more kid tending and housework because "I only worked part time and he made more money than me" I believe I've created a monster in the past two years. I think my guilt at not contributing financially has made it difficult for me to get on his case about things. For example, I returned from bringing my 10 year old to sleep over camp at noon today to find my 7 year old was still in his pajamas and had not eaten breakfast. So it seems that even when my husband is left in charge he won't do what I normally take care of. I'm actually considering going back to work to "rebalance" our marriage although part of what made me decide to quit was my frustration that his day ended when he walked through the door and mine ended when the dishes were done, the kids were in bed, the lunches were packed etc.

So back to the original question posed - help in tbe kitchen? Faggetaboutit.

I hope I'm not coming across as totally pathetic. For the most part my husband is a great man but I've been feeling a little too much like June Cleaver lately, only a lot less cheerful. I realize I'm abusing the intent of this BB but it does feel good to vent and you all seem so compassionate. Chrisi, you are not alone.

[Curleytop]

When the kids were at home, THEY HELPED in the kitchen. My younger son especially, he likes to cook. As for my DH, he sets the table, clears the table, shakes out the table cloth and takes out the garbage. PERIOD.
He does compliment me on my cooking and baking. We discuss, what we want to eat for dinner in the morning. He fixes his own breakfast and lunch. As for the dishes, I have had automatic dishwashers for years and years! I think if he cooked, I would loose what little mind I have:D
He does make an attempt at bbqing, but he has to be coaxed. I refuse to make steak in the house. He has to cook it outside.

[Nirak]

I do all the cooking; he does the dishes. However, sometimes in the morning I go in and sneak a few of the hand-washed items into the dishwasher for re-cleaning. One time several years ago I was coming down with the flu and begged him to make dinner for the kids when he got home. I dragged myself into bed only to be awoken in a few minutes by my 2 year old announcing : "Mommy, daddy's making SMOKE for dinner." That about sums it up.

[Jessica]

My DH does not really get into cooking very much, but sometimes I'll ask him to help and he is always willing to do so. It really calls for patience on my part because he is very exact--will carefully chop a pepper into identically sized pieces while I chop five other vegetables.

When we both worked full-time, I cooked and grocery shopped and he did most of the cleanup. Now, he works very long days (leaves at 6:15 am and gets home at 7:30 or 8 pm) and I am freelancing. I have time during the day to myself and he does not, so now I clean up after supper and he reads the paper and gets a little quiet time. If I say I am tired he will clean up instead, and he always clears the table and helps put food away. This works pretty well; we don't have kids so there is not a whole lot to do, and I like puttering around in the kitchen.

Dusting is another story...

[Beth H]

Well, I have to say that anything food-related in the house is my responsibility. I do the grocery shopping, prepare meals, and clean up the kitchen. Once in a while, my husband will surprise me by cooking a meal (usually pasta) -- he actually is a decent cook. But, he does a good bit of the house cleaning -- including all of his laundry, vacuuming, etc., and does all of the yard/maintenance work. So, I feel that we have a pretty balanced division of responsibilities -- we both work full time. I enjoy grocery shopping (and if he did it we'd probably have a lot of junk food around) and cooking anyhow. Not to say that sometimes the cleaning issue doesn't spark an argument, but overall, I can't complain.

[cminmn]

I'm so glad I'm not alone on this issue! My DH is a great guy but he's no "stud puppy" in the kitchen, that's for sure. He has NO interest in learning to cook and that's ok by me, since I enjoy it.
BUT, my DH recently finished his graduate schooling and decided, rather unilaterally, that he'd take 3 months off before starting his job! I said ok, IF he pulled his weight around the house, and made dinner for me at least one time per week. Well, this hasn't happened. If I ASK, he'll offer to go get Subway or something!! That is not what I had in mind. I work full time and we're thinking about having kids soon. We've only been married 3 years and generally have a good marriage, but I can't seem to get him to help more without nagging. Any tips from those who have successfully retrained their DH's?

[Jewel]

I asked Dave if he LIKED to cook...he said he enjoyed it, he just had a very limited menu (as most bachelors do...). I asked if he would cook more if he had access to specific cookbooks and specific tools, and when he made his comments we bought a crockpot and a crockpot cookbook! He's only made a few things, but his interest is peaked! :D

We also found he enjoys using gadgets, also as any man would! He got physically excited when I showed him our new FoodSaver, Showtime Rotisserie, Stovetop Smoker and Pressure Cooker!

[funnybone]

DH does not cook, although he gets his own coffee, cereal, sandwich, etc. I do not serve him like his mom serves his dad (it's pathetic - she had to pour his water when the pitcher is on the table in front of him!!)

Anyway, I enjoy cooking, and he helps clean up the dishes, wipes up, vacuums the floor, etc. I can't complain about that, as I would rather cook than clean up.

However, I do wish that at times he was capable of preparing a side dish of some sort - or even capable of putting together a salad . Well, I do presume/assume that he is capable of putting it together, but he does not. I don't insist either, I just tell him that it would be great if he could do it sometime. But of course, I never expect him to, nor does he even attempt it.

The good thing is that he is not a picky or demanding eater. He does not expect dinner on the table every night when he gets home. Actually, he doesn't even exect a dinner at times. There are nights when all he wants to eat is Raisin Bran, so that is perfect as well. A friend's DH always has to have meat and potatoes of some sort EVERY night. I would hate that.

In the end, it's a balance that works for us.

[SandyM]

Originally posted by funnybone
I do not serve him like his mom serves his dad (it's pathetic - she had to pour his water when the pitcher is on the table in front of him!!)

I hear that, funnybone - my DH's mother used to warm her husband's plate before serving him. I'm sure it's a generational thing, but I'm just thankful that was never even an option in our house!

[Safari Girl]

I would say I do about 90% of the weekly cooking. He cooks us breakfast on Sunday mornings (a ritual of ours) and he BBQ's (I don't BBQ, just marinade for him to BBQ). I do all the meal planning as well - so I always tell him he shouldn't complain if I make something he isn't in the mood for. But he does help with clean up (most of the time). When we entertain, meal prep and planning is a team effort.

[Bailey]

DH and I share most kitchen responsibilities. I do most of the indoor cooking, but not all of it. He does all grilling. I plan the weeks menus with his input, but almost always shop alone. At first I resented that, but now I prefer it - as long as he helps me get it all into the house - I hate that part!! He is always willing to take over on nights that I work out at the gym right after work. Clean up is shared. He clears and scrapes, I wash, he dries and I handle any sweeping, wiping and scouring. It works pretty well. No negotiation was necessary, we just sort of fell into this routine.

[KValley]

cminmn

I grew up with a dad who wouldn't lift a finger in the kitchen and a mom who nagged constantly. I was determined my marriage wouldn't be a replay of this!

It took us a few years to get things sorted out (we've been married for nine), but I remember one conversation a few summers ago where we sat down and just talked out the housework issues. Although he is very neat, I am more of a clean freak, so mopping and dusting are important to me- he hates to do them. I hate to vacuum, so there you go. He's not interested in finances, so I pay the bills and monitor the money- fine by me. It seems to have just sorted itself out to a comfortable rhythm, but as I mentioned above, I got this guy from a mom (and dad) who had a very disciplined regiment of inside and outdoor chores.

I find that I have to very clearly spell out my expectations. Once he knows exactly what it is I am getting at, I rarely have to ask twice. It's when I expect him to read my mind that we run into trouble, and I am still working on this- probably always will. I really encourage you to get this out on the table and find ways to compromise BEFORE you have kids. Take the initiative, pick a time when things are calm, you aren't tired or distracted- make out a list of things that are bothering you. It may even help to vent the worst of your feelings in your journal as a letter to your DH that you wouldn't actually give to him- just to clear your mind and focus in on what you really want and where you are willing to compromise.

Cooking became an issue a couple of years ago when my job was taking over my life and we were eating pasta every night, or leftovers from when I had time to cook on the weekend. One suggestion: Cooking Light's 5 ingredients 15 minute cookbook. DH wasn't interested in (intimidated by) cooking until we discovered this cookbook. THe recipes are simple, quick, offer complete meal suggestions (sides, veggies, even desserts) so all ambiguity is gone- men don't deal well with ambiguity! We agreed that he would make dinner twice a week. Once he got going, it turned into 3 times- he had fun! Now that I work from home, I do almost all of the cooking because I enjoy it, but this trial run with DH cooking tells me we can go this route again when need be.

Jewel's last message has convinced me that I need to get this guy a crockpot, as well- I've been thinking about it based on his comments. It's time!!

A girlfriend and I were talking yesterday about how long it took us to get used to being married and to get our marriage routines figured out- 3-4 years was it for us and for other girlfriends we'd talked to. No one told us this- it wasn't in the manual!! Certainly, this changes with children but fortunately we've been married long enough to have built a solid foundation before putting little ones into the mix.

Best wishes,

Julie

[SueK]

My DH doesn't really help in the kitchen, but that is because of me, more than him. I prefer to cook alone, as I have my own way of doing things. When I do ask for help, he's more than willing to do it. He will empty the dishwasher, wash dishes, and usually always clears everyone's plates from the table.

He helps out with the laundry and grocery shopping, too. As far as other things like dusting, floors, etc, no way. But that doesn't really bother me, because again, I'm picky about the ways things are done. So, our arrangement works well for us.

I do have to agree with the others who said that spelling out your expectations are a good thing. One night I told him I could not bear to do pick up one more thing around the house or I was going to explode, and he went tidied up the whole house for me. He knows better than to mess with PMS.....:)

[BosunsWife]

DH likes to cook, but doesn't do it as much as he did before DD was born. We both used to cook together, but now, one of us is usually entertaining or playing with DD while the other is cooking dinner. Generally its me cooking because DH hasn't seen DD all day and they have daddy and daughter time.

He does help clean up after dinner. Even though I'm a SAHM, he also does laundry, helps clean the house, we both work in the yard. He feels that taking care of DD is basically a full time job in itself, especially since he is gone at least two weeks out of the month on a ship (and sometimes six weeks at a stretch) and can't be there to pick up the slack all the time. So when he's home he really picks up the ball so to speak and runs with it. I feel that in my circle of friends and relatives I'm very fortunate because I don't see to many other DH's doing it.

[gertdog]

Wow, what a variety! Interesting thread.

I cook all of our dinners; he does all of the dinner dishes (although I do try to clean a bit as I go. I'm a very sloppy cook). He also remembers to run and unload the dishwasher far more often than I do... if it was up to me, we'd be eating off paper plates several times per week.

We're on our own for breakfasts and lunches... we do our own prep and clean-up. He usually skips breakfast and eats leftovers or a sandwich and chips for lunch.

My DF can make basic things (pasta, pizza on a Boboli, quesadillas, salad, sandwiches) but doesn't particularly enjoy it. I love to cook and grocery shop so I think we're both mostly happy with our arrangement.

Unfortunately, he's moving to Philadelphia for a year, leaving next week :( , so we're both going to be taking on tasks we don't like quite soon! Of course, I anticipate that I'll be cooking less elaborate meals most of the time too.

BTW, I did grow up with a dad who grilled, but didn't cook indoors at all, left his dishes on the table and didn't know how to run either the dishwasher or the laundry machines. To this day I don't think I've ever seen him boil water. This was thanks to my grandmother who waited on him all the time. But, to give credit to my mom, he now clears the table, loads and runs the dishwasher, does the grocery shopping, and so on. Don't know if she's made any progress with his laundry skills, though! But my point is, things (and people) can and do change.

[vstowe]

It sure does make me feel better knowing my "DH" is not the only one that's no STUD puppy in the kitchen LOL!!!!

[Julia1Pin]

Originally posted by cminmn
If I ASK, he'll offer to go get Subway or something!! That is not what I had in mind.

that sounds very familiar. I love to cook, but sometimes I come home from work really late. MY DH works from 8am to about 9pm, so it's not that he's lazy, but when I don't want to cook, his solution is either for me to pick up food on the way home, or he'll just have cereal. Uh, what about me???

The sad thing is, he's a good cook. When we first started living together he would make me great dinners. I'm not sure how to handle it now? Oh, and he doesn't do the dishes anymore either.

[Beth H]

It's sort of interesting that in most cases, even when both spouses work outside the home, it seems like the ladies end up doing more of the domestic chores. Although apparently many of our husbands (or SO's) help, women seemingly still clean the bathroom, do a lot of the cooking/grocery shopping, and other asundry things around the house. Traditional gender roles are still fairly intact, I would say, based on the responses here. This seems to be even more true when the woman is a SAHM.

I guess women really can have it all -- the fun of working 9 to 5 plus running the household, too. :)

[lhall]

The amount my husband helps out varies. Lately he's been taking classes 2 to 4 nights a week so he hasn't been helping. But he will set the table (if I ask), help clean it off, and frequently put away the clean dishes. He does enjoy cooking, but since I get home first I do the cooking. He will grill out sometimes on the weekends. Otherwise it would be too late for us to have a family dinner. We both feel very strongly that sitting down to dinner as a family is very important and we both grew up doing that.

One thing that really suprised me was the grocery shopping. Before we had the second child I would try to do my shopping in the evening after dinner and let him put out daugher to bed. But, he would say "what if I want to go?" So now we do our shopping on the weekends as a family.:)

Leigh

[HDgirl]

We are pretty much "traditional". I do 99% of the cooking, laundry etc. He will help clean up most nights and go grocery shopping. He said this summer he would like to start grilling more (guy thing?) which I could have wept when he said that! He's showing an interest.

On the flip side. He takes care of ALL the house maintenace. Including electrical, plumbing, heating, we never have to call anyone. All the outside stuff, grass, snow. I never have to shovel! Anytime I need something fixed all I need to do is ask and it's DONE!

I think we'll keep it the way it is.

[Leanne]

Originally posted by Jessica
My DH does not really get into cooking very much, but sometimes I'll ask him to help and he is always willing to do so. It really calls for patience on my part because he is very exact--will carefully chop a pepper into identically sized pieces while I chop five other vegetables.



That is my DH to a tee! He doesn't help alot, but will if I ask. He will do the dishes on occassion - not terribly often.
He'll also cook/clean if I am sick or he can tell that I've had a really awful day.
Before we got married, he had a maid. Now I feel like the maid - so we'll need to get one back shortly. :)

[csmcnamara]

Our agreement was that I cook and he cleans. But he gets off kind of easy because I clean whatever measuring utensils or bowls I use as I cook. But he does clear off the table and cleans any pots and pans that are leftover. He does do breakfast on Sunday mornings, and he does all the grilling. The only thing that bothers me is that he doesn't wait until I am done eating before he gets up and clears his dishes or cleans up the kitchen. He is a fast eater and half the time I am left sitting at the table by myself!