Did you (will you) change your name?

[aggie94]

Pretty self-explanatory poll, but we want to know why! The other question is, do you have any regrets or second thoughts about what you did or didn't do?

I suppose I should start, since it's my poll. I did take my husband's name, but mostly because I thought he and his family would be offended if I didn't. I didn't think I cared enough to risk offending them, so I went ahead. I often wish I had kept my name as my last name - I did keep it as my middle name (and dropped what was previously my middle name) and try to use all three, but my middle name too often gets dropped for just an initial. I miss it. :( Not to mention that people look confused when they meet me and I don't look as they had imagined, based on my name.

Ok, your turn!

[JillC]

I changed my name. I never did like my last name. However, my married name is one that isn't spelled like it sounds. It's new to me to have people misspell my name and/or not know how to pronounce it.
My maiden name is now my middle name and I decided to use both at work so I didn't have to go through changing my email address and then notifying everyone. Now I regret this decision since I think it's kind of a pain using both.
Call me old fashioned, but I really like having the same last name as my husband.

[JHolcomb]

I took my husband's name. It's been a year now, but I still haven't quite adjusted to it. I miss my "old" name. I was Jen Severt for soooo long and it just had this ring to it that Jen Holcomb just dosn't quite have. I like being a Holcomb (love his family), but I miss being a Severt, too. Maybe I should have hyphenated, but Severt-Holcomb is pretty terrible. I do like sharing my husband's last name, by the way. I just kinda miss sharing my father's last name.

[lisas3575]

Interesting thread! I spent a lot of time thinking about this before my marriage two years ago. I discussed it with DH2B, and he said he'd like it if I took his name, but our relationship is totally open and based on mutual respect, so he understood if I didn't want to. I didn't want to lose my sense of self, but I also had a pretty yucky maiden name that kids had teased me about for years... After doing informal polls of anybody who would participate, I decided to drop my middle name, use my maiden name as my new middle name and use my husband's last name as my new surname. Seemed like the best compromise, and I'm happy with my decision.

[erinl]

I took my husband's name. To me, that was part of the symbolism of marriage. Also, I'm lazy. I knew that a lot of people would call me Mrs. L anyway and I didn't feel like fighting it. I really wanted to legally change my name and use my maiden name at work, but unfortunately I work in a field where everything I do will make its way into a court room. They like things legal and official.

I was planning on pushing my maiden name as a middle name for any boy children we might have, but my DH recently surprised me by telling me that he kind of likes it as a first name. Hmmm. I'm not sure about that!

[crlykat]

I hyphenated, but I sometimes wish I had not. People who don't know me well don't seem to know what to call me (?), and I have seen three different versions of my name in the health care systems records. They have kathy maiden name, kathy hyphenated and kathy his last. Also, when people see my name in its entirety they sometimes refer to me by Ms. His Last Name, leaving off the whole first part of my name. I'm not sure why.

DH did not mind if I stayed the same or changed because his last name is one his family took when they came over here in '85. I think they tried to become more "American," by changing their name, but I wish they had kept it for ancestral reasons.

I'm still getting used to being kathy hyphenated after many months.

[sharon]

As a preface, I was married once before. I changed my name because I was too tired to fight about it when he threw a fit that I didn't want to "take" his name. Should been a tip right there that it wasn't going to work, huh?! :rolleyes: Biggest regret was that my college diploma has his last name on it! :mad:

Anyway, after a brief stint as someone else, I took my maiden name back for good. I was married last month and it never occured to me that I would change my name. When we touched on the subject, I asked my DH-to-be "How would you like to be Rick "insert my last name!"? He thought it was the worst idea he had ever heard and never mentioned changing names again! Which is good because this time around I had a really strong opinion about it and would not have changed it!

We don't plan on having kids so the different last names most likely won't come up. Although with all the stepfamilies out there these days, people should be used to multi-name families.

Funny thing is that some of our wedding gifts (checks) were addressed to me with his last name. Suprisingly enough, my SIL sent my birthday check the same way!!! I guess, in general, the world is still a little patriarchal that way.

[DmOrtega]

Since I didn't care for my middle name, ever. I moved my last name to the middle and added my husbands last name. Our last names are the same and I still retain my family's last name as part of my name. If I had liked my middle name, I would have just had 2 middle names.

[kwormann]

It really hadnt occured to me NOT to take DH's name. HOWEVER, his last girlfriend had been very "pro-feminist" (for lack of a better term) and had loudly proclaimed she would never take a mans name. He was used to that and asked me several times if I was SURE I wanted to take his name and he wouldnt be insulted if I didnt. SInce I didnt know this other woman and wasnt aware of her views, I began to get my feelings hurt........ long story short, I took his name

[BosunsWife]

I was going to keep my maiden name, but both my husband and I decided it would be too complicated for the military to figure out LOL! They (military) aren't known for their ease in dealing with anything out of the ordinary.

I kept my maiden name as my middle name and took DH's last name.

[KValley]

I kept my name. It's been nine years and now I am considering, seriously considering, taking Brendan's last name. Why now? I can't really explain. Perhaps because I married young (to me at least, 23) it was important to me to retain my individual identity. Now I have no need to define myself by a separate last name, nor does it bother me to be Mrs J rather than Ms. T- in fact, I like that having the same last names defines us as a partnership.

Perhaps more significantly is that my last name is really my mother's maiden name which I took in junior high when my parents divorced. Since I haven't had a relationship with my mom in 10 years, having her last name grates at me, when I really think about it. Dropping it would be a gift to my dad, who was really hurt when I gave up my birth name.

I actually went to the courthouse this summer to file a name change, but was told I didn't have to do anything- just change it and submit some paperwork for my passport. I never got any further- I wanted there to be some fee, something official, some sort of gavel pounding to make it real. Now, it just seems like a hassle to change everything- ID, credit cards, blah blah blah. Plus, I'm already established in my field and it would just be an effort to go about changing things. We've also decided to postpone children indefinitely, which was another motivator for me to change my name.

So, with new friends, at church, etc etc I introduce myself as Julie J rather than Julie T. Although it gets confusing, because DH and I both forget and call me Julie T.

I don't regret NOT changing it, but I think I'm ready to be Julie J now. Maybe in December when work slows down, I'll go through all of the ID/passport/credt card etc etc etc -change paperwork. I'll plan on staying Julie T professionally until I change fields (although I just realized I submitted a conference proposal as Julie T J- no hyphen, just the two last names).

What a neurotic nut I must sound like! Nah, just a healthy by-product of a typical 1980's dysfunctional family! ;) DH's last name is actually his step-father's who adopted him when his birth father disappeared. Our geneological charts are going to be a disaster!

[gempdx]

I was married before and took my (ex)-husband's name, which I still use to this day. Not because I particularly like it, but because I am now seriously involved with another man, and am unsure
about what I'll do when we get married. Soooo ... I just didn't want to have to go through any more name changes than necessary.

The name-changing has always bothered me on several levels. Not because I am some rabid feminist type, but because I just feel it is just not my style. I'm a very outspoken, independent woman, and changing my name just because I get married seems weird to me. Still, I did it before because I didn't know what else to do! :p

My boyfriend and I plan to get married within the next year. If I hyphenate, it will sound TERRIBLE. We are not going to have kids, so perhaps I should just keep my name and be done with it.
I'm still trying to wrap my head around this one and would appreciate hearing about anyone's experiences with a similar situation.

GemPDX

[aggie94]

I'm surprised at how many of you have taken your maiden name as your middle, and then changed your last name to your husband's. That's what I did, but by the response I got from my bank, my credit card companies, the post office, and everyone else I had to change my information with, you would have thought that they had NEVER seen this before!

[sharon]

Are you talking about taking back your maiden name or keeping your ex-H name and/or hyphenating it with the DH2B? Just curious. I changed back to my maiden in my divorce papers since I knew I didn't want his last name anymore. Besides, at that point all we had shared were 2 years of our lives and some heartaches.

I understand your dilemma KValley. My dad is very proud of his name and, I think, was secretly pleased when I kept it this time. If my last name didn't actually have some sort of strong family connection for me, I probably would have changed it since, suprising to me, I actually like it when DH refers to me as his wife. It does make you feel like your own little partnership! :p

[Laura]

Before I got married I had told my mom I was thinking of keeping my maiden name. I love my dad, he has no sons, and is an only child; I wanted to honor his family name. My mom responded "Why on earth would you want to do that?" (Mind you my parents have been married for 52 years, so there was no animosity, just being old-fashioned.) So, I took my husband's last name and took my maiden name as my middle name. Like Aggie, I often would write all 3 names, but that got quite tiresome with all the signing of documents I did as a lawyer. My husband has since become my ex-husband but I never changed my name because it was the name I had graduated from law school with and did not want to lose professional contacts. Now, I could care less about professional contacts as I am trying to change careers and am engaged to be re-married. The question is what do I do now? My fiance's ex lives here in town, our children all attend the same school and he has a very unique last name. Just not sure how to proceed on this one. I guess I should have done what I wanted in the first place and never have changed it. Oh well. Such is life. :rolleyes:

[Gina O]

I also changed my middle name to my madien name and took my husbands last name when we married. I am now divorced, and really wish I would have changed back to my madien name when I got the divorce.

Kvalley, if you do go through the process of changing yours, I would love to hear how it goes. I have read that all you have to do is go in and change it, but I find that hard to believe without some legal documentation. I just can't imagine the bank changing the name on my accounts without proof or documentation. It was a huge nightmare when I got divorced getting my ex-husband's name off the account. Gina

[Melman]

Great question. My answer will be now and then.

Two weeks shy of my 21st b'day, I got married the first time (hey, I'm in the south! That was late compared to some friends!!) Changed my last name to hubby's last name. Five years later, had my son. All three of us had the same name.

Five years later, hubby and I divorced. I kept his last name because our son was still young, and I didn't want to confuse him. I actually liked that last name.

TEN years later, married a second time. (Dumb dumb dumb!) Took his last name. That meant that new hubby and I had one last name, my son had his father's last name. Marriage didn't last long at all...I knew within 7 months this wasn't going to be one of those lifelong marriages that I had dreamed about.

Divorced a couple of years later. I went back to my maiden name! I honestly hated the second married name. People couldn't say it...couldn't spell it...just mutilated it. Ahhhh! My maiden name. What a foreign sounding name with my first name! It had been 20+ years since I had last used it. I'm finally used to it and don't look at it funny when I see it. It's been 2 years since I took it back.

For the future? HA! Any potential future man who ever comes into my life where that word <whisper...marriage> comes into question will just have to understand that this is my name. I've been to the highway department to change my name 3 times...changed my social security card 3 times...changed all my credit cards, bills, etc. etc. etc. etc. three times! I STILL don't have them all changed to the correct name. Do you know what a pain these name changes are?? And where are the hubby's?? NOT changing his name, that's for sure.

I've teased that when I'm old and gray and have nothing else exciting going on, I'm going to try to re-write these "women change their name to their hubby's name" habits. ;-) :-) :-) YES! I know I'd be fighting my own losing battle and I'm really just teasing about it. I guess 'been there, done that' way too many times.

[sneezles]

Well, I took DH's name and dropped my maiden name but it's the same initial as my middle name. I love it though when people meet me and say, "You don't look German!" I am a red-headed Irishman! Oh, ok, Irishwoman!!

[crazyquilter]

I dropped my last name and changed to my husband's name (didn't even THINK of moving my last name to the middle - hmm). I mostly did it because we wanted kids, and I like that all of us in our little family have the same name. Even though when people refer to me as Mrs. ---, I think they're talking to my MIL (after 15 years)!!:)

[lhall]

I did change my last name to his, but I dropped my first name, made my middle name my first name (always used that), my last name my middle name.

Frankly it was a pain in the a--. I told DH that I would never change my name again. He said he wasn't quite sure how to take that.:D

I have so many accounts and getting everyone to under stand what the new name was going to be, being told (incorrectly) that it was against the law to drop my first name, and waiting at the bank over an hour to have my signature guaranteed was just too much!

Leigh

[mmanddf]

I married the first time to a man with the same common last name I already had...no question about changing names there! When I married 18 years ago a second time I couldn't wait to change my name! My mother (bless her old fashioned heart) couldn't believe I was not going to keep my maiden (or first married name) as my middle name...no way. My first and middle names are those I was christened with and my last name is (thankfully) my husband's!:D

[AZLorena]

I changed to my hubby's last name. There really wasn't a discussion. My maiden name is pretty boring (WHITE).

Lorena

[gempdx]

>>>Are you talking about taking back your maiden name or keeping your ex-H name and/or hyphenating it with the DH2B? Just curious. I changed back to my maiden in my divorce papers since I knew I didn't want his last name anymore. Besides, at that point all we had shared were 2 years of our lives and some heartaches.

Well, I'm thinking of going back to my maiden name and being done with it. I've held on to my ex's name for the four years since we were divorced, because I was uncertain about what I wanted to do.

No offense to my DH2B, but I just don't feel like taking his last name. Although it is nice and simple ...

I will probably wind up doing the same thing you did. It will take some getting used to for people who have met me in the last 8 years, but that's okay.

GemPDX

[HARRYET]

Well I took DH's name(18 yrs ago). I was pretty young when I got married, only had one other friend that got married before me, she took DH's name. My older sister took DH's name. So it never occurred to me to do anything differently. Sometimes I wish I kept my maiden name as my middle name, but again like some of you, it's to much to write and would end up being shorten to just the inital.

Ann

[Jewel]

There was never any question for me regarding taking my husband's name. I feel it is a symbolism of unity and family, even if children are never involved, and I was proud to become Mrs. Herron.

In my opinion I am my own individual whether I use the name I was born with, or the name I married into. I was born a Hensley, and I'll be a Hensley till the day I die because of my genes, my DNA, and the love and structure of the Hensley family...I'm proud of that name! However when I accepted my husband's proposal of marriage, I believe that I agreed to begin another branch of family with him.

I think that one of the most precious traditions we have in our society is the unity of family. True family isn't a name, it's love and trust. Names evolve, but love and trust are always there regardless. Just my opinion... :)

[Kristilyn1]

I've enjoyed hearing everyone's stories!

I've been married six years and toyed with the idea of keeping my maiden name. While planning the wedding <oops!> I got pregnant and realized I would feel left out without the same last name and didn't want to saddle our children with an unwieldy hyphen. So I took my husband's. I like all of us having the same last name as I grew up with parents that have more than a couple divorces between them and stepkids and halfs, etc. so we ALL had different last names and it was confusing to say the least.

I always balk at being called "Mrs."--that's my mother in law! I insist on being addressed as Ms. A small petty thing to be sure--but I guess we all have our quirks.

Kristi

[Meg O'C]

I kept my own name but I am not fanatical about it. I use my husband's last name socially when I feel like it and I am not offended to receive something in the mail addressed to me with his last name or to Mr and Mrs HisLastName. Everyone at work knows me as MyLastName since I have been working at this company for five years and have only been married for one.

I kept my name because I love it - it is very Irish and I am very proud of that. I could not imagine NOT being Meghan MyLast Name. My husband's name is very Italian and I love his name because it is his but not enough to not keep my own. My husband was very comfortable with this which made me really happy. The funny thing is that sometimes he is called Mr. MyLastName. He has a good sense of humor about it. I am sure that as we have children I will be called Mrs. HisLastName more and more which is fine with me but I do not plan to change my name officially.

Hyphenating for me was out - our names are too long together and do not sound good either. Also my sister hyphenated which she says is a real pain. She is in the medical profession and signs many patient charts each day and has to use the hyphen since that is what her degree says - she finds it to be a pain in the neck.

[SusanPC]

I never even considered not taking my husband's name. I moved my maiden to my middle and dropped my old middle. I am really traditional I guess!

[emilycat]

Mere speculation, here, since I'm not married and haven't been, but I'm fairly certain I'll take my husband's name. I love my middle name, so I imagine I'll drop my last name (it's obnoxious to say, anyway) and keep the middle the way it is. In a way, I feel disloyal to my family in dropping it, but I have a brother, so the name's not going to be discontinued or anything. :p
Besides, JUST HYPOTHESIZING HERE ;) , SO's last name is Young, and I very much like that, so I'm sure I'd take it.

[HDgirl]

First time around I wanted to keep my maiden name but my now ex was adament about taking his.....so I did. Ten years later we divorced and I took back my maiden name. (I also dropped my middle for my maiden when I married. I did this because my mom had.)

This time around I will probably take his and drop my middle but spell everything without a hyphen. His last name has four letters and since I am already spelling out nine, I don't think it's that big of a deal.

Giving up my maiden name would be a big deal. My dad died four years ago and there is NO WAY I'm going to give it up or initial it.

[KathrynY]

lhall - I did the same thing. Dropped my first name (never used, was always called Kathryn which was my middle name), moved maiden name to the middle and took DH's last name. It seemed a nice way to use both names, and I generally use my FULL name (all 3 parts) when signing credit card slips or legal documents.

The thing that bugged me after I got married was my Mom addressing mail to me as "Mrs. DHfirstname DHlastname". I understand that's traditional to some people, but it drove me nuts - like I lost my identity completely. I called her and explained that I didn't take his WHOLE name, just the last part and could she please address things to me as "Mrs. MYfirstname DHlastname".

[MaryH]

I was/am a lawyer for years before I met my husband, so I didn't want to change the name because of professional recognition. I never officially changed it. All I did was add on his name at the end. It is interesting though, because I can always tell where someone knows me from depending on whether they use the maiden or the married name. (My husband is Armenian, and I am of German descent so the two names are quite different.)

[SandyM]

I took my DH's name. There was never really a consideration otherwise.

While I thought his was easier to pronounce and spell (I'm of German descent and my maiden name is quite German), it's amazing how many times I'm asked to spell Miller :o

[tlbower]

I did take DH's last name, for 2 reasons...

First, there are some marriage traditions that I like, and I consider myself to be a pretty traditional kind of gal.

Second, I didn't like my maiden name. It shouldn't have been tough to pronounce, but no one ever got it right. It's funny because my name only changed by one letter, but it makes all the difference. And, I can still use anything that I had monogrammed! :p

[clairea]

I took my husband's name, and never really considered doing otherwise -- I'm just a traditionalist, I guess. Now that we have kids, I like that we all have the same last name. I also kept my middle name and dropped my maiden name. I am a lawyer and, like some others have mentioned, was concerned about professional recognition, so for about a year after I got married I used Claire Maidenname DHlastname professionally and people seemed to catch on pretty quickly (except for the mailroom, who apparently spent almost a week trying to figure to whose secretary the mail addressed to Claire DHlastname should be delivered;) ).

I wonder how much the decision has to do with how old you are when you get married? I was fairly young (24) and it seems like more of my friends my age (early 30's) who are just getting married now are keeping their maiden names.

[RobinC]

When I was young, I took it for granted that I would take on my husband's name. I never even thought keeping my birth name was an option. Then I was engaged when I was in college, to a guy with the last name Cornutt. I couldn't imagine going through life with the name Robin Cornutt or even Robin Coon Cornutt. I also couldn't imagine going through life married to him, but that is a whole other story. Anyway, he flipped out when I told him I was considering keeping my birth name.

I am now a bit older and realize that one has LOTS of options in life. My darling boyfriend now, who I will probably marry in the next few years, has the last name Stoffregen. What a mouth full. He does not care one way or the other what I do with my name. He feels it is my name and my decision (especially since we do not want to have children).

For me, the final decision on keeping my name was made when I submitted my application for my CPA license. I will be getting a great big certificate boldly stating that Robin C Coon is a licensed CPA in the state of Oregon. I am so proud of this accomplishment! Now that I feel I have really established myself personally and professionally as Robin Coon, I don't want to change it.

[MrsReber]

I took DH's last name. I did consider keeping my own. I did keep my maiden name at my then current job. As soon as I got a new job, I switched everything. I have to say, it's much more convenient to have the same last name as DH. Of course I want to have the same last name as my children,too. It was a pain to change everything- bank accounts, social security card, etc., but in the long run, I'm glad I did. Like Jewel says, it's a family unity thing. DH and I both have divorced parents so we will do everything within our power to keep our family together. Divorce is not an option so I don't think I'll ever have to change my name again.

My mom kept my dad's name after they divorced. 25 years later she's still using it. Her fiance hates that she uses her ex-husband's name, however, as she points out, she's been using his name for longer than she used her maiden name! Not that she'll ever marry her fiance. They've been engaged for at least 10 years, but that's another story :rolleyes:

[Vanessa]

When I moved to USA I changed my last name but kept my maidens name in some documents or use my maiden's last name initial as part of my name.

[lindrusso]

As others have mentioned, family unity was the main reason for taking my husband's name. It is not the most important thing in having a strong family unit, but I think that even the little things add up.

Similarly, for the sake of family unit, I also attend my husband's Catholic church even though I am Protestant. I'd rather worship with my family, with all of us together, than to go off on my own. It's my belief that God does not particularly care where I worship and that the overall togetherness of the family is more important in the long run.

Some may view this as giving up too much of my identity, but I think that those who know me really well, know that I haven't done that at all!

Besides, it's kind of fun being a blonde-haired, blue-eyed Russo! :)

[mandarin2j]

I took DH's last name for a fairly practical reason; I had an difficult-to-spell, difficult-to-pronounce long German last name. I always knew that I would unload it the first chance I got unless my husband-to-be had an even worse last name. I never got what was so feminist about keeping your last name, though. I mean, wouldn't your maiden name have been your father's name--just another man's name labeling you? I figure it would be more an expression of marriage as a partnership (if the name thing is important for that to folks)to pick a name together that would be the couple's new last name. Really, this idea of mine is really an expression that I have too much idle brain time! :rolleyes:

[RunnerKim]

It looks like my husband and I did something different than the rest. I had always assumed I'd keep my last name. When I fell in love with my husband and the reality of marriage and family loomed and wanting a partnership identity, I considered taking his name. However, I knew there'd always be a part of me that regretted it. In addition, my husband and I have different religious beliefs - he felt strongly about raising our kids Catholic (a requirement of the Church), but I had some issues with this. We came up with a compromise -- the kids would get my last name and they'd be raised Catholic. (we haven't started having kids yet). My husband then decided he wanted to share the same last name with his kids and chose to take my name. This went over surprisingly calmly with his family - of which he's the oldest.

Kim

[Molli526]

I am actually getting married in 10 days, so how timely this is.

I am keeping my last name...I love my middle name, which I HATED as a child. DF was/ is totally fine with this. His mom is as well- then again she is divorced from his dad :rolleyes: His dad doesn't know yet :confused: There is only one good combo of our name but I made the mistake of using that as the dog's last name so he doesn't like that. I will go by his name socially and probably more so when we have kids. I am not a feminist, I just don't like the name. I even have found a good way to do our names for address labels etc.

[Gail]

Have I told you this anecdote? Forgive me if I repeat myself...

I'm honestly not sure which makes for a better story-- my husband asking my dad for my hand in marriage while inside the men's room of a Chinese restaurant, or the way I accepted the marriage proposal... but let me digress for a moment.

I've never been thrilled with my initials. My parents, apparently, saw nothing wrong with making me go through life as GAG, which perhaps had something to do with my penchant for coming up with really bad puns. And though I can't ever say I had a burning desire to get married and settle down for most of my life, the idea that somewhere down the road I might finally get to dump these initials and adopt some new ones gave me small degree of solace. (Although marrying a Mr. Smith, or Mr. Yeaworth posed a whole new set of problems.)

So you probably figured it out by now. Yes, I married another "G," thereby cementing those horrid initials onto my epitaph for all eternity. Is it any small wonder, then, that when he asked me to marry him, I nearly scared the poor guy to death by answering, "You realize by marrying you, you're asking me to give up a lifelong dream-- to get rid of these initials!"

[Jodi]

I am recently married and gave this A LOT of thought before making a decision. What I did was legally change my maiden name to my middle name and then take DH's last name. I use all 3 names, though, when introducing myself mainly because DH is Chinese-American, and I'm about as Irish as you can get, so I got all sorts of strange looks when I first started using my married name. The clerk at CVS when I picked up our honeymoon pictures gave me hte once-over ang laughed out loud before telling me, "You don't LOOK Chinese!!!!"

I kept my maiden name for work. I'm a writer, and I've worked too hard to establish my name among editors and readers to change it now!!

[m4star]

I DID NOT take my husband's name. Nothing against him or his family but my first name is long (Melinda) and his last name was really long. My last name isn't, so it kept my name. He didn't care. When we have children, I will hyphenate my name.

The funny thing is, we never told his parents! I thought he should do it. I have a rocky-at-best relationship with my inlaws and I knew it would be yet another thing for them to hold against me. They are staunch Catholics and I am not. They were really angry when DH and I decided not to have our wedding in a Catholic church. That began the bad water between us, and I just didn't want to make things worse. We still get cards addressed to "Melinda my-husband's-name". To make it worse, I get birthday checks from them made out to me like that! I can't cash them!

[aggie94]

Originally posted by Jodi
I use all 3 names, though, when introducing myself mainly because DH is Chinese-American, and I'm about as Irish as you can get, so I got all sorts of strange looks when I first started using my married name. The clerk at CVS when I picked up our honeymoon pictures gave me hte once-over ang laughed out loud before telling me, "You don't LOOK Chinese!!!!"

I can completely relate! That's one of the issues I've had to deal with. I'm Chinese-American, and DH is Puerto Rican. When I use all three names together, it's Eva (with a long e) Shih Herrera. But when you leave my middle/maiden name out, it's just Eva Herrera. Well, Eva's a pretty uncommon Latina name (pronounced with a short e).

Here's my funny story. I was sending resumes to law firms in Texas, and I got a call from the hiring partner of one of them, asking me to come and interview. His message on my answering machine said, "I'm so-and-so (insert Latino name, pronounced with perfectly-rolled r's and other Spanish nuances) calling from such-and-such firm for Eva Herrera (also pronounced with perfect Spanish accent, with a short e of course)." DH laughed, joking, "You know, he's going to expect to see someone Latina. You better practice that Spanish accent of yours when you call him back!" I can only imagine his surprise when I showed up for my interview and he discovered that I was Chinese!

[Jodi]

aggie94, That is too funny!

One of my friends recently sent me a tape of a SEINFELD episode about a white woman whose name is Donna Chang. I imagine that people would be just as surprised to see me in front of them (blonde hair, blue eyes, fair skin and freckles) if I introduced myself as Jodi Cheung!!

[Lynn B]

Interesting thread!

When I got married, and I took DH's name. My maiden name was a long and difficult-to-pronounce Italian name and I was quite happy not to have to deal with it anymore!

My married name is short and one syllable... not exactly melodious with a short, one-syllable FIRST name... but what can you do?! I did think about that when naming DD... we gave her a lovely 2 syllable first name that should sound nice with any last name, if should she choose to marry and take her husband's name someday!

Lynn

[food girl]

Do you think geography has anything to do with it? It looks like hypenators are in the Pacific Coast area and the name-changers are in the south and mid-west (sorta)

I took DH's name 7 years ago and it is as much a part of me as my eye color. I had promised myself that I would not fall in love with anyone with the last name of Roach, Butts or Belcher! Just kidding, i'm not that shallow. I did go out with a guy with the last name of Lightfoot. (yes, I wanted to call him Gordon). I did not particularly like him but I thought "Lisa Lightfoot" had a nice ring.

I never had to decide about my middle name until I had my wallet stolen this year. Every form I filled out seemed to ask for a middle initial. My maiden name initial and middle initial were the same. I finally dropped my middle name and kept maiden name as middle to help future generations of geneologist. :D

Lisa

[Grace]

Lisa - ROFLMAO!!! I'm still laughing. Too, too funny! I never gave much thought to potential boyfriend's last names, but gosh, I'm sure glad I didn't fall in love with any Roach, Butts or Belcher!!! :D

A funny last name story.....

I was working as a Front Desk Manager for a Hyatt Hotel. It was a Sunday morning at 7:00 a.m., the lobby was EMPTY. The hotel had a humongous family reunion group in the house, and they had partied pretty late the night before, so the hotel was dead at that hour. Part of my job was to look through the registration cards every morning. As I was glancing through them, my back to the counter and the lobby, I came across a registration card for a guest with the last name of "Clinkscales". I burst out laughing, and yelled to the my clerks in the back who were counting their drawers. "Hey, you guys - can you imagine having the last name Clinkscales ??? <laugh, laugh, laugh>. (still yelling here...) My sister's name is Winkle - can you imagine if she married this person? She'd be Winkle Clinkscales!!!! <laugh, laugh, laugh>" Next thing I hear is, tap, tap on the counter behind me, and a woman saying "Excuse me, but my name is so and so Clinkscales....do you find something funny about my name?" O-M-G. 325 rooms in the hotel. What is the likelihood that this person, the ONLY person in the lobby would be this Clinkscales lady??? Well, I was busted, and there wasn't a thing I could do about it. Of course the clerks in the back were standing in my peripheral vision ready to pee their pants, doubled over with laughter, and trying to hold it in so the lady wouldn't hear them. I will never, ever forget that feeling of sheer humiliation in my whole life!! :o :o That lady didn't see the humor in it at all.

Oh, and to answer the question, I did take my husband's name. I really wanted to. It's an important part of the symbol of unity in a marriage to me. I also think it's better and easier if we ever have kids.

[Beth]

I had planned on keeping my maiden name. It is Dutch, uncommon around here and I was proud of it. Plus, I had established myself in two careers with it, and I thought that continuity would be improtant. Well, when the time came for me to make the decision, I wound up leaving the state, leaving private practice and leaving most of the reasons I had for keeping my maiden name. I also wanted to be a Mr. & Mrs., so I took the last name and have used my maiden name as the middle name or initial. That also solved the problem of having to live with the initials BEG the rest of my life.

My first set of business cards were printed with the full maiden name, and you should have seen the looks I got when I handed one to someone and they looked at the Dutch Spanish combo. The reprint went to just a middle initial, which I how I signed letters and documents anyway. I do get looks sometimes -- I'm tall, blonde, blue-eyed and have the name of a family of short, dark-eyed clan. DH looks more like his fair WASP mother, but his hair and eyes are a little darker. The funny part for me is that he is 4 inches shorter than I am. People really give him strange looks when he tells them how old our towering boys are and I'm not around.

[KathrynY]

Originally posted by Gail
I'm honestly not sure which makes for a better story-- my husband asking my dad for my hand in marriage while inside the men's room of a Chinese restaurant, or the way I accepted the marriage proposal... but let me digress for a moment.

Gail - did I miss this story somewhere? Or would you care to share it here? I love a good story!

And Grace, your story was priceless!! :D

[mame]

I really enjoy everyone's stories! I kept my name. Hyphenation wasn't really an option--we both have rather long last names to begin with. I was very fortunate to find a guy who was feminist enough to think it was really cool that I wanted to keep my name. For us, the partnership between us is about a lot more than semantics. I didn't change my identity just because I fell in love. Plus, since a very young age, I use to practice "graduating"--I could mentally hear them calling about my name as I walked across the stage. As one of the first in my family to graduate college, and soon to be the first ever on either side to graduate with a higher degree--that feeling is priceless. What makes it even more priceless is knowing that when I graduate law school as "me"--he will be there too. However, certain members on both sides of our family still insist on sending the Mr. & Mrs. mail--even a few who have NEVER met him! I try to laugh it off :)

[pammy]

I am not surprised to see how many people took their husband's names, but kept their maiden name as a middle name in tribute to their families. Both my sister and I did that (and she was married 23 years before me) because we are the last of my father's family with his name. It makes me happy to honor the two men I love most in this world by having both of their names following mine. Like someone else said, I am surprised how many insurance companies, credit card companies, etc. screw it up by hyphenating or dropping my middle name completely!

[pammy]

Oh, I forgot to add, I hate when I get mail addressed to Mrs. Michael BlahBlah Blah. I strongly associate my first name as "me". That is my identity. I am Pam. See how nicely it rolls off the tounge, how it rhymes? Can you tell I love Dr. Seuss? Anyway, even though I was told it was not proper etiquette, I addressed all of our wedding invitations to Mr. and Mrs. John and Mary Smith, and so on. Do you think I could have made it any clearer that I view a married couple as two individuals? Although we really appreciated the generous gifts we received, 90% of people who gave us checks addressed them to Mr. & Mrs. Michael BlahBlahBlah (of course, not my real last name, but wouldn't that be a hoot if it were?).

[robinf]

My grandfather came here from Russia, with one of those incredibly long Russian names. It was changed for him when he got here. In fact, he and his brother ended up with different names - neither original. When I got married, there were only 5 of us in the world with our last name (my dad will give anyone $50 if they can find someone other than the 5 of us with our last name). So I felt very strongly about keeping my name.

But I almost didn’t get married over it. I didn’t want to change name and I wanted my DH to wear a ring. He didn’t want to wear the ring but did want me change name (big double standard). I suggested a compromise - I’d change my name if he’d wear a ring. He agreed. I wasn’t comfortable and told him I wanted to keep my name and he didn’t have to wear the ring. In the end, I have my birth name and he wears a wedding band.

Silly me, I said if we ever had children they would have his name (I of firm belief that I never wanted to have children). Now my husband can’t remember what he had for breakfast but don’t you know, 11 years later, when DD was born, that he remembered!

[MrsReber]

Pammy. I totally agree with you! I hate when I see Mr. and Mrs. (husband's first and last name). Hello? Where's my name in that? I had then say both our names as we were introduced at our wedding reception. I'm old fashioned enough to take DH's name without a second thought, but I do have my own first name!

Robinf, I had that conversation about the wedding ring with DH. He is a machist so he can't really wear a ring at work. He said he didn't really want to wear one and didn't want to buy one. We bought him one anyway and I see that he wears it more often as time goes on. It's not a big thing to me, I know we're married, it's just that the ring is a symbol of everything. I never take mine off. It's nice to see that he is enjoying wearing his now.

[Mandy]

I have a hard to say, hard to spell maiden name. So I took my DH's easy to say, easy to spell last name - Tucker. It's funny because I still find myself spelling my name for people, out of habbit from my maiden name. And I get looks like, "I know how to spell Tucker."

Here's a strange one: My aunt has been married 3 times. The first time she took her husband's name. Divorced, kept her first husband's name. Married a second time took new husband's name. Divorced, kept second husband's name for a while, then went back to first husband's name. Married a third time and kept first husband's name. And there are no children involved.

[csmcnamara]

I too dropped my middle name and replaced it with my maiden name. My name was long enough as it was and to hypenate it would make it way to long. My maiden name has been reduced to an initial but atleast it is still part of my name!

[daner94]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by robinf
[B]My grandfather came here from Russia, with one of those incredibly long Russian names. It was changed for him when he got here. In fact, he and his brother ended up with different names - neither original. When I got married, there were only 5 of us in the world with our last name (my dad will give anyone $50 if they can find someone other than the 5 of us with our last name). So I felt very strongly about keeping my name.


My sister and I are the last generation to have this name-- no males to carry it on. Right now I don't have to make any decisions about this, but I think I will want to hyphenate it if and when the time comes. Hopefully my future husband's name will be compatible with mine.

My sister's serious boyfriend has a similar sounding name, go figure, so she cannot hyphenate it if they get married.

Dana

[SueInMarne]

I get this question alot because I did not take my hubby's last name.
Here are my two reasons:
I am catholic, and the hubby is Catholic Light ( Episcopailian), we did not
marry in the church, we had a civil ceremony. Since we did not have
a wedding mass, I chose to retain my maiden name. My kids however,
have his last name, and are being raised Catholic. When the hubby
decides he is willing to have a wedding ceremony with a mass in the
church I will hyphenate.

Reason 2:
My last name is always miss-prounced, but my hubbys last name
is TOTALLY horribly miss-prounounced...to the point of obscenity
I chose the lesser of the two evils.

[Laura B]

I took my husband's last name because I like the symbolism and old-fashioned-ness of it. I also value the ease of having the same name, especially when I have kids. I actually don't like his last name very much, so it took me a long time to get used to it. Anyway, I moved my maiden name to my middle primarily for how my old middle name sounded with DH's last name. I love my old middle name, Beth, but Laura Beth Boyd sounds hokey. So, I am Laura Hardy Boyd. My initials went from LBH to LHB. I don't write out all three names, though. I usually use Laura H. Boyd

I still get some junk mail addressed to Laura Beth Hardyboyd. I don't know who screwed that one up, but they sold my info to lots of places because I used to get quite a lot of credit card applications, etc, with that name.

After I got married, my Dad got really into geneology. So, in retrospect, I am also glad that I kept my maiden name as my middle name for the sake of preserving it.

Oh, I also like the fact that my new last name lets me keep a nickname that some family members used. They called me Laura B, for Laura Beth. And that still works because my last initial is B! (And hence my username.)

[golda]

I wish we had more options about last names when marrying. I don't feel satisfied with taking the husband's name but I also like the idea of having the same last name. There seems to be no good way to have both of these things.
I respect women's decisions in this matter and I mostly think it is great that we now have the choice.

I kept my last name. For me, I like having that connection with my history and knowing that regardless of all the changes I'll make throughout my life I will always be that one name. It is as if my name is a little tradition in itself that I want to honor.

[hlao23]

Originally posted by golda
I kept my last name. For me, I like having that connection with my history and knowing that regardless of all the changes I'll make throughout my life I will always be that one name. It is as if my name is a little tradition in itself that I want to honor.

Agreed. I'm sure no one is surprised to know that my last name is hyphenated. I also like people being able to recognise that I am related to other family members in the area.

I'm not sure my in-laws know that I actually hyphenated my last name. When I discussed it before we were married, they were less than thrilled.

In hindsight, I think I would ask my husband to hyphenate his name as well. It does get confusing having a different last name.

[RunnerKim]

hlao23 -- I agree. If I had it to do over again, I think it would be great symbolism to create a new name, just as you're creating a new family together. Wouldn't the geneologists love that one! (if you chose to go with something completely different vs. hypenating).

Kim

[wonderwoman]

who responded to the poll as both DH and I taking a hybrid name, I thought I'd explain why we did that.

I was not going to take his name, but he really wanted us to have the same last name. So we compromised. We both changed our last names to my last name and his last name, two words, no hyphen. (As an example, Jennifer Anniston and Brad Pitt would then be Jennifer Anniston Pitt and Brad Anniston Pitt).

It confuses people occasionally, and lots of people insist on hyphenating it, but it worked for us ... and it looks cool on stationery. :D

Oh, and I kept my middle name.

[heide]

interesting thread.

I've been married 5 months and I'm still not decided about the name thing. Meanwhile I haven't changed it yet.

I have a difficult maiden name. Difficult to spell, difficult to pronounce and it doesn't go well with my first name. But It's been my name for 33 years. My diplomas have this name and my resume has this name. I also travel a lot and my passport has this name.

My husband doesn't mind what my last name is and was actually surprised when I said I was going to take his name. To me it was a big deal, because it's becoming an issue for so many people who are getting married for the first time at my age. So I looked into the requirements for changing it with Social Security and discovered it's going to be a big PIA. Because I live overseas, I can't just take my marriage license into the SSA office and change it. I have to go to the embassy and have a whole load of official things done and sent off to Social Security. So I haven't changed it. Silly really because I don't mind my husband's last name and would actually like to be Mrs. DHlastname. But because my passport says Heide Maidenname I can't even change it unofficially. What a mess. I'll be in the US at Christmas time. Maybe I'll change it then. Hmmmm.

Oh, and to the person who said they can't cash checks written to Mrs. DHLastName, that isn't true. I got lots of wedding checks to Heide DHLastName. I signed them over to myself and deposited them in my US account. No problem at all.

[katie]

An act of submission to him as head of my new household. I took his last name. Even though my maiden name was VERY cool (Rockett). But keeping it wasn't an option because by saying, "I do" that meant that I was willing to unite with him. To start a new family. That's what we believe, but I know lots of people do not. That's ok.
Although my first born has my maiden name for his middle name.:cool:

[KristaMB]

I took DH's last name. I really didn't give much thought to it. I didn't particularly care for my maiden name, Mann. I've heard so many jokes about it, questions about it's spelling, etc.

My new name, Brown, is boring but it's simple. I ike having the same last name to keep things easy. I didn't hyphenate because Mann-Brown, or even Brown-Mann, just don't go together.

[phantomcg]

I took my husband's last name, mainly because he would have considered it an insult if I didn't. However, as a tribute to my father and my family (taking a new last name somehow felt like a betrayal to me), I hypenated my maiden name into my middle name. I was not going to hypenated it, just have 4 names, but when I went to the Secretary of State to change my drivers license, they told me I had to hypenate it one way or the other.

Cheryl

[amcleod]

I took his name. I had been waiting 29 years to change my name! OK, my maiden name is cool and only my extended family seems to have it in the U.S. so it was uncommon, but it was 14 letters and people could never pronounce it, etc etc.

So I switched to a 6 letter last name (mcLeod). I have always loved that "mc" thing! Of course, people mis-spell it when they hear it (Mc Cloud is most common). Or mis-pronounce when they see it (mc -Lee odd). Hey, I am used to it and it takes much less time to correct people!!

I used to joke with a co-worker that if we got married, I should hypenate, because we both had loong German last names. I seriously would have done it because I just thought it would be so hilarious. "Hi, I'm Ann Stockschlaeder-Wohlschlegel! Nice to meet you." Boy, would that throw people for a loop!

Sue In Marne - I burst out laughing from your post! I am Catholic and my DH is Episcopal. The priest who married us called Episcopals "Wayward Catholics" so your "Catholic Light" was too funny. (But the DH comes to church w/me every week. Our priest says it is just a matter of time before he converts - and keeps making remarks - but I don't think he will. But then again, that is a priest's job I guess!).

[Neanne]

Of course I did. It used to be Gail. :D

Sorry. Just having a silly attack. And NO, I did not dredge this thread out of the dusty recesses to post this comment. It was already here waiting for me here when I arrived.

[little_bopeep]

Originally posted by sharon
As a preface, I was married once before. I changed my name because I was too tired to fight about it when he threw a fit that I didn't want to "take" his name. Should been a tip right there that it wasn't going to work, huh?! :rolleyes: Biggest regret was that my college diploma has his last name on it! :mad:

I was talking to someone with the same "problem" the other day, and she said her university was in the process of having a new diploma made up for her with her preferred name, and at no charge. Pretty nifty! Must be a sign o' the times, really...

[Dewey]

Well, DH and I did something a little different. Since he never saw eye-to-eye with his father and didn't want to continue the name (and I thought it was ugly), we took his middle name (which had been his favorite grandfather's first name) as our last name. So DH now has no middle name. I kept my middle name, and just added DH's middle name as my last. As for changing your name without any legal hoops to jump through, it's true. You just need to change it to something that isn't meant to be fraudulent, and use it consistantly. DH changed his name without having to file any paperwork. It's now been 12 years, he has a SS card, Driver's license, etc. in his new name.

[HeidiD]

I've been married almost 18 years and kept my maiden name. I was raised very traditionally, got the diamond solitaire from my college sweetheart, wanted the big white wedding, planned on staying home after having children, etc., but when I thought about changing my name, I balked. It just didn't feel right to me on a personal level and luckily, my husband did not care either way. His parents were okay with it but my mom was perplexed -- she told me only people like Barbra Streisand and Barbara Walters could do that. She has since gotten over it and now I think she kind of likes it.

I am very casual about it and respond to anything people want to call me. I didn't do it to make a statement or be a feminist or whatever, it was just a very personal choice and I went with my heart.

It is defintely more complicated once kids come into the picture and I have considered changing to my husband's last name for simplicity's sake, but that would be making the change for the convenience of others, not because I feel like it would make a difference to our family or to me personally. My kids have grown up with it so it's no big deal to them that mom has a different last name -- they know it's the name I was given when I was born, just like their names.

My husband LOVES introducing us and explaining that he decided to keep his maiden name when we got married, so it certainly hasn't affected our marriage any. ;-)

[gertdog]

Since this poll was already dredged up, and DF and I just made this decision recently...

I am keeping my name. I have been Stephanie T. for 30 years, and I like my name. That's the name on my professional publications. And my sister and I are the last generation with our family name. DF is happy with that. His family will not be happy. My family was a little surprised but doesn't seem to be upset about it.

Our kids will have DF's last name to keep things simple. Many of our friends hyphenated their names, and so their kids have hyphenated last names too. I always wondered what would happen when the kids grew up and Tommy B.-Y. met and married Lizzie R.-S. Would they triple hyphenate? ;)

It was neat to read everyone's stories, especially since we've been talking about it alot at home recently!

[luv2cook]

I don't use DH's last name. My name is easier - doesn't get mispronounced and hardly misspelled. I thought it was silly to hyphenate names (no offense to those who do)My philosophy was pick a name and stay with it! :D I don't mind it when people call me by my married name and I probably will never change it unless we have kids...

[JanetJ]

I will (someday) take my husband's name. Mostly for reasons already stated so eloquently by others. Also because I don't feel a real attachment to my last name now. My Dad changed his last name legally to what it is now and it's the name I've always had, but it is only my Dad and I who share it. Let me explain...when my Dad was born my Grandma did not want anyone to know who my dad's father was (she became pregnant while temporarily seperated from my grandpa). She made up my Dad's last name while at the hospital and put a fictitious person as the father. But then my Dad grew up with my Grandpa's last name. When he one day found out that my grandpa was not his father he got a hold of his birth certificate and attempted to find his real Dad. Of course this was impossible he eventually found out, but he had his name legally changed to what was written on his birth certificate. My Grandma died 2 years ago never telling my Dad who his biological father was. Anyway.....that is another reason why I will take my husband's name someday. I also will keep my middle name as it is now, in honor of my father. My name is Janet Jean. My mother's name is also Janet, my dad's name is Gene. Cute, isn't it?

Wow...after reading this post my family sounds like a Jerry Springer episode. :D

[Natasha]

If my SO and I were to get married...

My answer would be yes and no. No professionally, since many people know me by this name and I quite like that. I don't know many lawyers around here who change their last names professionally, come to think of it. Moreover, my last name is easy to say and spell. But socially, yes, I would go by my SO's name. Not only do I like the idea for many of the reasons others have mentioned, but I love the name (it's French), though it's hard for some people to spell! ;)

[csmcnamara]

I did what a lot of others did. I dropped my middle name and use my maiden name as my middle name and my husband's name for my last name. I really didn't want to give up my maiden name and even though my husband didn't care if I took his name or not I figured it would just be easier! And there is no way I would hyphenate the two last names--it would take forever to sign my name!

[dulcecoeur]

This is a tough one (and please note I am only answering since the poll is already dredged up and replied to several times before me!)

I like my last name, it's simple and I am used to it (it's Kelly by the way). DBF's last name is MacKenzie....so I do not know what I would do. Problem is I already have my mothers maiden name as a second middle name, so I do not want to end up with three last names (five names in total!) Anyway, we added the Bowen a couple years after my father (the Kelly) left us. MacKenzie-Kelly or Kelly-MacKenzie sounds okay, but really long to write, and I definitely want to keep my mothers maiden name (Bowen), so maybe I would just drop the Kelly and the MacKenzie altogether and just keep the Bowen? Or just keep as is? So I have both Bowen and Kelly, but keep using the Bowen only as a "second middle" name. Or I could just drop the Kelly, keep the Bowen and take the MacKenzie. I think no matter what I will keep the Bowen, that is more important to me than the Kelly, but I am used to the Kelly by this point :)

Okay, my head hurts now, at least I have some time to think about it :)

[luv2run]

I took DH's name and moved my maiden name to my middle name. The primary reason of moving my maiden name was that my father married my biological mother when I was 7 (a bratty 7 year old at that!) and adopted me shortly thereafter. I could never have asked for a better father. Even the people who know he's my adopted father can hardly believe it since I am more like him that I could ever be like my mother. It was the least I could do to honor him by keeping his name! We also passed his name to our first-born child (a daughter) as her middle name.

Debbie :cool:

[Maggie]

This was a huge issue for me before I got married. I didn't want to give up a name I'd had for 26 years, but I did like the idea of DH and I having the same name (as someone said earlier, it seems to exemplify the fact that you are a team). We also wanted to have children and taking DH's name seemed the kindest and simplest thing to do for whatever future offspring we might have.

I also didn't want to lose my middle name, since I am called by my middle rather than my first name. And my first name was my grandmother's name, her mother's name, and HER mother's name also.

So, I kept my entire name and added DH's name to the end. My name is now very long and I really don't mind. I get to keep the name I identify with my family of birth and just add DH's name to the mix. Nothing lost, everything gained.

[stefania4]

I'm getting married next year, and both of us will continue to use our birth names after we're married. I will never, ever understand why other people seem to care! Family is one thing - my parents were tremendously hurt when my sister ditched our last name and decided to use her husband's. I could just never insult my parents by refusing to be identified with them. But Joe Schmoe on the street? Why does he care?

Here's what I get....

"How will people know you're married if you don't change your last name?" I usually lean over my shoulder and ask my sweetie "How will people know you're married if you don't change your last name?"

"You're not really married if you're not willing to change your last name." Oh, my God - he must not love me if he insists on keeping his last name! And at our 50th anniversary party it will all be a farce, we weren't really married...

"Don't you want to have the same last name as your children?" Who said I wouldn't?

Oh well, leave it to me to sound overly defensive on my first post!

[AdGirl]

i'm getting married in january. i don't have a middle name so i had always considered changing my last name to my middle name. my current last name is long and obnoxious and everyone always butchers it, but it's been my name for 23 years and it just has that *ring* to it. plus i was looking forward to having a new last name that people wouldn't butcher bc people would inevitably not include my middle name when referring to/addressing me.

of course, as luck would have it, i'm marrying someone who has practically the identical last name as me (it's a 13 letter name and only the last 3 letters are different). when people realize this they always think they're so funny by suggesting i hyphenate... :rolleyes: so anyway, i think it kind of throws the middle name idea out the window. oh well! :p

[Carolina68]

I took my husbands name, but it was a tough decision for me. I own a small business that bears my maiden name and I hated to lose that name when I married, but hubby is a true southern boy and it really meant a lot to him for me to take his name. So legally, I have his last name, but professionally I often still use my maiden name.

[masimmons]

I was older (34) when we got married & was sort of well known within my profession. I thought it would be too confusing to change my last name. However, I never use the hyphenated version - too long to write. Its also pretty confusing when I have to vote and look up other 'official' items - am I listed under my maiden name (followed by married name) or under married name. If I had it to do over, I would just have changed it to my husband's name period.

[BarbaraL]

KathyrnY, Pammy and Mrs. Reber, I agree with you! I HATE, HATE, HATE getting stuff addressed to Mrs. [DH's first name/last name]. I took his last name (even though I'm a feminist, I wanted children and wanted us all to have the same name). But I'm Barbara, not Mrs. [his first name]! I remember reading a really old newspaper/magazine; in it was an article about wives who'd won awards for their recipes or something. The whole article was "Mrs. William Smith" and "Mrs. James Montgomery". The women were being recognized, but their first names were never even mentioned! To me, that's like they've ceased to exist. My boss at the time (who'd showed me the magazine) thought I was overreacting and a rabid feminist (HE was an ultraconservative); my mom insists that that's the "etiquette-ly correct" (How's that for a word?) way to do it. I don't care, my first name is MINE.

LOTS of professional women use their maiden names professionally (most people expect their doctor to have the same name as the one on the diploma!) and their married names socially. I find it challenging to write the Christmas cards at times (Mr. X and Dr. Y? Mr. X and Mrs. Y-X?) Even if they have the same last name, is it Mr. and Dr. X? I do the best I can, and trust my friends to cut me some slack. If I know they have a preference, I make sure to write it that way in my address book. I have an aunt who's been widowed for years, but insists on being Mrs. his first name/last name, so I respect her wishes and address her that way. She, however, ignores my wish to be Mrs. Barbara (his last name). Life's too short to worry about it.