Lock to prevent kids watching TV?

[ewatkins]

We have a ten year old who is a total tv addict. At any moment during the day or evening, he will slip away to watch tv. We have tried all kinds of threats, but he can't seem to stop. I have unplugged it, but he just plugs it right back. I want to cancel the cable so there's nothing to watch, but DH says no way. I think I saw something a while back that was a timer or some gadget that you could put on your tv to restrict the amount of time a kid watched it. Any ideas?

[Jewel]

First off, I am NOT a parent, so take what I say from that frame of mind!! I only know what worked on me AS a child, and what I've read recently regarding things like this.

It seems like a control issue to me. He isn't respecting your authority when you say NO, and goes right back in to watch. If you cancel the cable, all you're doing (in my opinion only) is admitting that you can't control your child, so you're going to have the cable company do it for you. He will pick up on that, and the issue will become something completely different from TV. Next it might be staying out past dark, or not doing his homework in the time you've set as 'homework time'. What I've learned about these things, is that it's not about the TV, it's about the control. TV is just what the control issue is about right now. After the TV issue is settled, whether by cancelling cable or coming to an arrangement, it could very well become something else. How many things are you and your husband going to change about your lives to accomodate a child that won't respect his parent's authority before you realize that he's the one that needs to change, not you?

I would get DH involved, sit down and have a discussion with your sun in a non-confrontational way, but set limits. Let him know if those limits are violated, priviledges will be taken away from him. If he violates the limits, follow through on the punishment without wavering. If you waver, he'll know he can do it again. He's at the age where he's going to begin testing his own wings, and you have to be there to clip when necessary!! Again, the opinion of a non-parent, but one who has a bit of experience with family... ;)

[Beth]

I don't know about timers, but at least 2 of our TVs have programming features that prevent you from veiwing certain channels (or at least make it harder to get to them). We have blocked certain channels at times when things like Cartoon Network were off-limits. If you TV was made in recent years, you might have that feature to reinforce your limits. But at 12 (instead of 5), your son needs to learn that limits are limits. He's rapidly approaching the age of being away from home, driving a car and other scary things. But try to approach your discussion in a way that reflects your concern for him and an interest in other options, not just ragging on him. Good luck.

[food girl]

I went through a phase when I was about his age when all I wanted to do was watch t.v. My mom and dad removed the tube from the t.v. for a month! This meant that no one could watch t.v., so it was a big sacrifice for my sister and my parents. BTW, only now do I know that they removed the tube, at the time they told us that it was "broken".

I guess the t.v. fast worked. I have never been a big tv watcher since.


I have to admit if there would have been MTV, VH1 the cartoon network, movie channels etc when I was 12 - man I would have been in heaven!

Good luck!
Lisa

[browneye]

I am a parent of two, 15 and 18.
When they were younger, they really wanted to hang in front of the TV, too. Here are some ideas for you.

First, I must say I agree with Jewel (are you sure you're not a parent, Jewel?)

Children must respect the rules. Period. And they need to understand there are consequences for disobeying. Priveleges can be revoked if there is a lack of respect for the household rules.

One thing that I used to do when they were younger, is to issue" TV tickets" that were marked in 30 minute increments. Back then, I decided that 2 hours of TV per weekend was plenty, and usually during the week, none at all. The kids had to turn in a ticket to me to watch TV, I set the timer for the time equal to the tickets they gave me, and they got to watch until the time was up. When they were out of tickets, they had to wait until the next week to watch TV. If there was a special show they wanted to watch, they had to budget their time for it.
If they cheated, TV was banned altogether for a week.
(They didn't cheat)
I think it taught them to be cognizant of the amount of time they spent in front of TV, instead of turning it into a big argument.
Also, kids need alternatives to TV.
We had reading time every night instead of TV. We read stories together, and also had quiet individual reading. We would listen to stories on tape sometimes, light a fire in the fireplace, and snuggle.
We had "game nights" where we played board games, card games, even Poker with chips. Poker can actually teach kids about math!
My kids still request game nights....
One of my sons liked to bake goodies, so we would spend that time in the kitchen as he learned to turn out his favorite cookies and brownies and cakes.
Later, my older son spent that time playing his guitar and is now an accomplished musician!

Today, my kids watch TV about once a week, max, and one rarely watches any TV at all. We rent movies sometimes, but that's about it.
Each family is different, but I hope this helps you with some ideas that might be helpful.
:D

[DmOrtega]

I think balance is important for kids. We have a no tv rule Mon-Thurs evenings during the school year. That was hard for the kids to adjust to, but they did. They are allowed to watch before school, if they are dressed, things are ready for school, etc, and on the weekends (early morning & evening). If they can't decide on what to watch, the tv is off until they come to a compromise. It's amazing how fast they will find something that they both can watch. There are also times when one of them must back down.

This is the way the world works and they understand the rules. They don't have to like them or agree with them, but they must respect them.

There are times that the rules can be broken. For example we have been watching the Mariner baseball games, because this is the first time making it to the playoffs and my kids are fans or watching the recent events in the news. Now that things are calming down, the news is out. They seem ok with the rules as long as they get time to watch tv.

[LaraW]

I used to be a big TV watcher as a kid too. We had 5 kids in my family, and the rule was that we were allowed to watch TV between the time we were home from school and dinner, but then nothing after dinner, as that was time for homework, etc. And there were only certain shows we were allowed to watch, so we had to agree or else no TV or find something else to do.

I think the exception was one show from 7:00 - 7:30 on Thursday nights that my parents liked and we all watched together as a family.

Anyway, I'm not a big TV watcher now, neither are my sisters. We were made to follow that rule, and even though I hated it as a kid, as an adult I am glad that my parents stuck to their guns on that (and other rules too).

Also speaking as someone who doesn't have kids...

Lara

[Laura]

I have 2 children 12 and 9 and I guess I would say they are moderate watchers about an hour a day during the school week, but more like 2 hours a day on the weekends. There are some rules however, no TV in the morning. Not even for me; it is just too much of a distraction. TV is only watched after homework is completed. Obviously unplugging the TV is not working so you have to make some other discipline. What else does he enjoy doing (or not enjoy doing, i.e, certain chores). I think the TV is the more minor issue and the greater one is his challenging your authority. All kids do it, but there comes a time when they need to recognize if you break rules you pay the consequences. It is never fun, but better they learn that now then when they are older and the results of breaking rules can be much more serious. Your son is old enough to understand the consequences of his actions; he should have to face them. Best wishes. I now know what my father meant when he used to say that disciplining was harder on him than it was on me.

[Kristilyn1]

Wow! Great advice on here. Mine are still too young to do this--but who knows when they are........

I would say tell your son he loses a full day of tv every time he is caught sneaking tv. This, after you set a very comprehensive, written in stone schedule of when tv is allowed and when it isn't.

The other part of the equation is that EVERYONE cuts down on tv. Kids these days seem to be natural tv junkies (they design the shows so they will) so he needs direction from the family as to what some other fun things are to do. It drives me crazy when my husband comes home and switches on the tv and then complains that the kids watch too much.......That said--I think it's possible to really enjoy tv and other things. So you don't have to be an anti-tv house. I LOVE certain shows and I find tv watching extremely enjoyable. I manage to watch the shows I like--plus read 3 books/novels a week, play outside, run, etc. TV isn't bad--but as you know, we have to constantly show our kids who's in charge.

As far as the practical matters of the timer. If your tv is fairly recent (last 5 years or so) it should have a feature that allows you to add a code that has to be put in every time the tv is turned on.

Good luck! We're pulling for you.

Kristi

[DmOrtega]

Originally posted by Kristilyn1
...
The other part of the equation is that EVERYONE cuts down on tv. Kids these days seem to be natural tv junkies (they design the shows so they will) so he needs direction from the family as to what some other fun things are to do. It drives me crazy when my husband comes home and switches on the tv and then complains that the kids watch too much.......That said--I think it's possible to really enjoy tv and other things.
...
Kristi

Exactly. Our tv rules apply to all who come into the house as well as us (parents). My husband and I have agreed on these rules. Bedtime is 9pm. My husband watches tv then and if the kids get up, the tv is off until they return to bed. It is "sometimes" inconvenient, however our priorities have to be our kids. Besides there really isn't anything that important on, that we can't wait till after they have gone to bed.

[SueK]

Originally posted by DmOrtega
[B] My husband watches tv then and if the kids get up, the tv is off until they return to bed.

This is what we do, too. I like to sit and read after our daughter is in bed, and my husband will go downstairs and (usually) watch sports. If she gets up, he'll turn it off right away. DH is the kind of guy who will turn on the TV just to have background noise and it drives me nuts!

Anyway, I agree with the others that taking the cable away from yourselves isn't the answer to the problem with your son. He needs to understand that there are boundaries, and he cannot cross those.

[ewatkins]

Just to clarify -- DH and I never watch TV (except maybe the late news and a very occasional sports team) and the kids are allowed 30 min. a day, except for about 60-90 on Sat. am. He has a really hard time thnking of what to do with free time, is often bored, and has very few friends so even more free time that his social sister. So -- I agree with all the comments about limited tv, but he can't seem to control himself. I could turn it off for a month and he'd still be right back at it -- it truly is a drug. All he watches is cartoons--not even real shows.

[SueInMarne]

If my kids had turned on the TV when I said no tv...oh boy there would be "heck"
to pay at my house. No means no here. If your kid doesn't respect that, maybe
he would listen better if he were restricted to his room except for meals and to
use the bathroom and that's it for a few days.
My kids get to watch the TV only after they ask if they can watch it. We also have
a no tv until after dinner on weekdays rules, (homework must be done , of course).
Weekends..well I pretty much let them watch what they want if the weather is
bad. If not..they can veg until lunch time...then its off until after dinner again.
When the hubby and I are at work and there is no one to supervise the viewing,
we block all the channels but C-Span..that usually does the trick.

[Jewel]

Originally posted by ewatkins
He has a really hard time thnking of what to do with free time, is often bored, and has very few friends so even more free time that his social sister.

Sounds to me like this child is screaming out for some kind of activity! Have you thought of trying to interest him in a sport? He's the perfect age for soccer or baseball, and it sounds like he needs the social interaction also! I know it's not the outside sports season, but it's always the season for school clubs and groups. Maybe a Book Club at the local library if he's not into sports?

One of the greatest things a friend of mine did for her shy and introverted 9-year old was get him into a Martial Arts class! He learned discipline, he made friends, he's building his self-esteem, he's getting amazingly strong, and he's having a ball! It doesn't even cost that much, and it's giving him not only something to do, but something to look forward to! He's 11 now, and can't wait to show off new moves every time I see him.

Talk to your son, and find out where his interests are. Don't let him say 'nothing'. Bring up a few different suggestions, and let him tell you what he's interested in. Lessons and groups don't always have to cost a lot of money, either! Ask some other Moms in the neighborhood, and I'll bet you're surprised at what's out there! I think he's using TV as a best friend when he could use the real thing. :)