At what age do you stop giving Christmas gifts to nieces and nephews?

[lsdesign]

I have a dilemma. On my husband's side he has two nieces and two nephews. One of his brothers has a teenage daughter and a son in college whom we rarely if ever see. Plus, as long as we have sent them Christmas gifts we have never heard as much a burp from either of them. Not only that but if you don't know someone very well it is very difficult to buy something for them and teenagers can get expensive.

The other brother we see maybe once every five years, he has two children under five. I feel a bit better buying these two small gifts.

When I was growing up my aunts and uncles gave us gifts when we were pretty little and as we grew they stopped. We saw these relatives very frequently, if that counts for anything.

What do any of you do in your own extended families?

[aggie94]

All of our nieces and nephews are still under 18, so we will keep sending them gifts. And frankly, I think we're the only aunt and uncle to send gifts - I don't think any of DH's siblings send their nieces and nephews gifts, probably because they've got their own kids to buy for. Since we don't, we want to be the cool aunt and uncle that always send gifts, even if they're just books. :)

Anyway, the oldest nephew is 16, and yes, the gifts get more expensive as they get older. We try to be fair and send gifts (Christmas and birthday) that are comparable in value, but we justified his expensive engraved pocket knife for his birthday as "special" because it was his 16th birthday. We'll probably keep buying for all the kids even after they go to college (DH might disagree and cut them off at 18), but I am guessing we'll probably stop and just resort back to sending cards once they're officially "out on their own."

[JHolcomb]

After we were about college age we stopped getting gifts from our aunts and uncles and were included in the "family gift," usually one of those tins of popcorn or some nuts or something. Which was cool, because I usually only ended up with a pair of irregualr socks or two anyway. My aunts and uncles have a lot of nieces and nephews-8 or 9 to be exact. I'll probably stop sending as yet unconceived nieces and nephews presents when they stop sending me thank you notes for them-that probably makes me sound like a crotchety old lady, huh? Anyway, that's my dad's fam. My mom's brother still gives us something every year, since sis and I are his only nieces , and he and my mom are close. It's easier when you don't have to buy for so many, because if you buy for one, you gotta buy for all (in my fam at least).

[lisalee]

You could always gift them a gift in their names to
a charity. For example, the place I work for participated
in an Alternative Gift Market. People came in and bought
shares in either local, national or international charities in
a person's name. I did a gift in my sister's family name for
a local charity here in Cedar Rapids. I received a card to give
them that tells what was donated in their names and a little
history about the charity. Try a local charity in your area:)

[slknight]

I guess I'm lucky (or maybe my family is just strange :D ) because we still receive gifts from our aunts and uncles. I'm 31 and my sisters are 36 and 37. I think it might be because many of my cousins (so my parents' nieces and nephews) are still under the age of 15, and everyone wants to make things seem fair since we're all technically the same generation of family despite the age differences.

Of course we now buy my aunts presents too, so it's not so one-sided. I will say though, that my sister and I were just talking about how it's kind of ridiculous that we're still exchanging gifts for them. It just gets so difficult to figure out what to buy. I think we are going to bring it up next year and phase it out.

As for our nieces and nephews, they are all quite young still, so we're buying for them. We'll probably keep going til they're college-aged or so.

[Jewel]

I come from a VERY small family of just my parents and one set of grandparents, so that was never a problem growing up...but I married into a huge family! DH has three brothers! :eek: Only one brother has kids, and both boys are now college-aged. This will be my fifth Christmas with my husband, and it will be the fifth year in a row that we will put a lot of thought and cash into gifts for these two, and receive MAYBE a thank-you email a month after Christmas. It irks me a bit that we get one gift for the two of us from that family of four, but we always get them 4 separate gifts and ship 'em off to Austin, TX! It's not that I want something in return, but some kind of recognition would be nice, or at least a thank you.

When I mentioned this to DH last year, and asked if we were still going to spend a great deal of time on the boys' gifts even though they rarely acknowledge, he said "Of course!! They're my nephews!" His pleasure is in the giving, so even though it frustrates me that they seem to be ignoring my husband, I'll leave it alone and let him do what he wants! :confused: The spirit of the season, right? ;)

[lhall]

My youngset cousin on my side of the family is now 18. We gave him and my aunt a gift last christmas, but I don't think we will this year. Last year they sent us money to buy something for the girls. Which is fine with us.

We stopped getting presents from my aunts and uncles a long time ago. I think I was in middle school when we stopped just shipping presents to Dad's sisters and their families. With my side of the family it was longer because we all live closer. I think we stopped getting presents from them when I was in HS and we stopped going to my grandmother's for christmas.

DH's family we generally exchange gifts with just one of his 8 Aunts and one cousin. They are the only ones we see more than once or twice year. Last year was the exception because I had no idea what to get an didn't get anything before the baby was born. I REFUSED to shop with a newborn. I think I will get them something this year. I'm not sure if the in-laws get gifts for all their nieces and nephews.

Leigh

[HARRYET]

Well I have 23 nieces and nephews (both DH and I are from large families, 6 siblings each!) They range in age from 1 yr to 21.

We did buy for everyone up until a few years ago.

On my side of the family we now only buy for our God children, and each cousin draws a name. So each cousin has a specail cousin to buy a gift for.

On DH's side, I buy for his God-daughter and thats it. When we moved to AZ, it just got to difficult to buy and ship and without really knowing the kids interests, sizes and of course not having some of the same stores for returns.

This has worked out really well for us.

Ann :)

[Little Bit]

In my own family, I noticed a distinct change in gift giving patterns once my maternal grandmother died. She was very much the center of the family, and seems to have been the glue that held us together.

I'll also say that it seems reasonable to me that the youngest kids get the goodies. Now that my aunts have grandkids, I see them all much less than I used to, and it would probably seem a bit odd to get more than a card from them.

My own nieces and nephews are in their teens now, and since a certain teenage indifference seems to be setting in, I try not to care so much how they respond to whatever I choose to give them. I try to find something they'll enjoy that won't bust my budget. Usually, that's paperback books!

[beejayw1]

Originally posted by lsdesign
Plus, as long as we have sent them Christmas gifts we have never heard as much a burp from either of them.

You are allowed to stop giving the nieces and nephews any Christmas gifts. (You could, as well, send a gently puzzled note saying that you are not sure you have their address right, since for the past fifteen years you've been sending gifts and they appear never to have arrived... ;) )

I'd suggest doing what I do: tuck a crisp bill (say, $20) in a Christmas card and let that be the gift.

[Chefzhat]

The cut off in our family has been at age 16, but even then it's hard to buy for them 'cause they would much prefer $$$. However . . .

If you have been sending presents all this time and have NEVER heard a single thank you from them then it's time to bite the bullet and send a nice card stating: "A donation in your name has been made to the Emily Post Institute". If they don't get that hint, then they never will. I am a firm believer in requiring the common courtesies and if your siblings can't make sure that their kids send off the appropriate thank yous after the holidays "gimmes" then they are on their own.

So, there you go! I hope I don't sound too much like a grinch, but really, how hard is it to thank someone for going to the effort of purchasing a thoughtful gift??

Debie

[amcleod]

My DH has a large family and the rule is that once one graduates from college, they no longer get gifts...they participate in the "Secret Santa" = everyone picks a name and gets them a nice gift (price around $75). Until graduation, they still get a gift from everyone.

This seems fair to me!

[BosunsWife]

Here is my dilema - my niece is 18 (cut off point for most), but my nephew is only 14. How do you cut off one, but not the other? My niece is still in high school (senior) and living at home. It gets harder and harder to buy for both of them by the year. We really can't afford to spend more than $25 each and with their ages, it doesn't really buy much.

[Vanessa]

Bosunswife. I think you cold put the money in one of those money holders. Kids nowdays really prefer $ that way they have cash to go out to the mall, movies etc. Since it gets harder to keep up with sizes, change in taste etc its easier to give $.

To answer the other question...I think you could give nieces and nephews something for their b day then a fa gift at Xmas.

[HDgirl]

I believe I got cut off at 18. Which I think is a good idea. My two are the only older ones in my family. My sister has a 7-year-old and no children yet for my brother. So I guess I will just sit back and see what they decide to do!!!

I also think that a crisp $20.00 is good for teens. My kids NEVER turn their nose up at any amount of cash! Even the $5.00 they get from SO's grandmother.

[JennieL]

I'll probably continue to send gifts until they are 18, as long as they send me thank you letters.

[aggie94]

Originally posted by BosunsWife
Here is my dilema - my niece is 18 (cut off point for most), but my nephew is only 14. How do you cut off one, but not the other? My niece is still in high school (senior) and living at home. It gets harder and harder to buy for both of them by the year. We really can't afford to spend more than $25 each and with their ages, it doesn't really buy much.

If it were me, I would continue buying for both. $25 seems like plenty for a gift, even at that age. And at that age, I think gift certificates would be welcomed - for the girl, Bath & Body Works, Victoria's Secret, Clinique or other cosmetic counters, manicure, etc.; for either - book store, music store, etc. I'm limited to just $10 per kid, because we're now up to 13 nieces & nephews. It would get way too expensive to spend any more on them than that, and when they're young, $10 is fine but try finding a decent gift for a 15-year old for $10.

Or, as Vanessa suggested, cash is ALWAYS welcome!

[Deanna Clayton]

All the aunts and uncles got together and decided that when any child graduated from high school, they would no longer get Christmas presents. It has always been a comical thing to bring up each year. Like " Aha Lee, this is your last year, you grew up to get your driver's license but you only have one more year to get the "goodies" at Christmas." We has always had a big laugh and never a problem. Usually by that time also, they have a job so it's really not that big a deal. We've always had fun with it, so the one that's 17 or 18 knows the 8 year old kids will still be getting a present! Just make it fun.....Merry Christmas!!:) :) :)

[Laura]

On my side of the family there are 9 nieces and nephews. A number of years ago, we decided that all the sisters would draw names (there are 5 of us), all the cousins would draw names (all 11) and the brothers-in-law would draw names. I simply would go broke if I bought gifts for everyone. It works for us. This allows me to get a special gift for the 3 people that my children and draw.