Baby issue: Two's company. Is three a crowd?

[Leslie w]

I have two wonderful dd's and my dh has been bugging me to have another. Not necessarily because he wants to try for a boy but because he's always wanted 3 children. I on the other hand am very happy with two. In fact, wanting more than one was a suprise to me because when I first got married I didn't want any! All of my friends have either one or two kids. I watch mother's in grocery stores who don't know which direction to turn when they have 3 or 4 kids in tow. Am I making a big deal out of nothing? Does having that extra child really make that much difference? I suppose if I found out I was pregnant tomorrow I'd be happy and would make the best of the situation but right now I'm very undecided about the whole thing.

BTW I'm not a let-everything-run-off-my-back, who-cares-if-the-kids-spill-their-milk-whatever-goes-kind of person.

[Leslie w]

The more I think about it (and I tried to delete the post with no success) the more I think "I'm talking about bringing another life into this world like it's buying a car or house!" Obviously if I wanted another child I would have one without question of "convienence or sanity". In other words, I've already made up my mind and I'm happy with my decision. Sorry for wasting everyone's time!

[BlueMoose]

Leslie,
I feel the same as you...I'm very happy with my 2 kids, and while I wouldn't choose to have another, I'm sure I would end up being happy if I got pregnant again. But at this point I really wouldn't want that to happen. Luckily, my DH is even less inclined to have a 3rd one than I am!

I don't know how you feel about Dr. Laura, but what she says about this issue is that if one person wants a baby and the other really doesn't or is ambivelant about it, the decision should be "no". Bringing a baby into the world is something you both need to be in total agreement on.

And you aren't wasting anybody's time!
Chrisi :)

[JoanneOR]

I know you seem to have already answered your own question, but I just had to add my "two cents"!

Well, I have three. And I must say going from two to three was more difficult than going from one to two. I love them all to death, but our house is so chaotic and noisy, it can be a bit overwhelming. I think it depends on their age differences, too, mine are all very close. It is much more difficult to run errands and do things like you mentioned, like grocery shopping with three than with two. Even things like going to the zoo or a park, which I love to do with them, can be very stressful, just trying to make sure everyone stays together. I'm sure things will get easier as they get older. Having said all that, I can't imagine our family without our last son.

But like others have said, if you aren't sure, it's a big step and might want to keep your sanity and stick with two!

[karen w]

JoanneOR,
I'm sorry for interrupting here, but I just had to chuckle when I read your post. I have 3 kids too and they are very close(3 in 31/2 years and no twins!). With school out this past week, they were all home(my oldest is in Kindergarten, middle is in preschool, and the youngest is not in school yet, of course.) Anyway, I attempted to go to Costco last week with the three of them. Yeah right!!! My husband and I had to go back this past Sunday-he takes the three kids in one direction, and I go the opposite way. That's the only way I can get the shopping done!!! It is a challenge, but these guys were all planned, and I don't regret it!

[SweetTooth]

Hi all! My husband and I have 3 kids also. There is a spread of 10 years for the 3 kids. They are now 29, 25 & 18.

Were 3 a crowd? Probably, I don't really remember thinking that, but 3 does add a totally different perspective. One box of jello for 5 people - doesn't work (if you know what I mean). I just want to add that I know having kids is not for everyone, but if my DH and I had it to do again, we would have at least 2 more! They are wonderful!! Especially when you and they get older. They bring a great joy to your lives. I would hate to think of what live would be like without any of the them.

[MrsReber]

Ahhh! If my parents decided against three, I wouldn't be here!! Just kidding- I'm quite sure I wasn't planned. Things have changed these days and we're able to plan our familiies (yes, this coming from me, the woman who just found out she's unexpectedly pregnant again. Well, accidents do happen).

Anyway, I loved growing up with 2 siblings and I wish that we could have three, but right now, I'm scared of two! It is alot of work and things are hectic enough with one. I said I wanted at least 2 kids because the sibling bond is so wonderful. If you're unsure about three and think you might be overwhelmed, then maybe you should stop at 2. Like everyone says, it depends on you and your husband and it's really a very private decision. I know that you'll make the right decision for you in the end!

[JoanneOR]

Karen, it sounds like we have a few things in common. I had 3 boys in a little under 3 years-no twins either! I took all 3 to Costco the day you wrote your post. We managed to get what we needed, and a few extras, of course! But it was a bit hairy at times! I had one cart for them and one for our stuff. I always get comments when I take all three to places like that, like "you sure have your hands full." I never know quite how to respond to that.

Are you planning on having any more? It seems we may be pregnant again. I'm not sure, though. I've taken 3 tests, the first and third were very faint lines and the second was negative. So I'm very confused! I need to go get a blood test. The last two would be three years apart, so it should be a bit more manageable. If we're lucky, we'll only have one in diapers. At one time we had three in diapers.

[karen w]

Hi JoanneOR,
I also had 3 in diapers at one time!! Fortunately, we are now down to one in diapers(so the Costco bill is lower for diapers, anyway!). My daughter showed signs of readiness for potty training earlier than my two boys, but now she has decided she would rather keep her "little (and sometimes not-so-little) packages" for herself! Oh well, in time.....

Sometimes I feel like I want another one, but my husband definetely does not. We lost one a year ago. It was unplanned. I had just stopped nursing, went back on the pill, and then got pregnant! I was having a lot of side effects from the pill which I had never had before(nauseousness), and tried 3 different pills over the course of several months. We suspect I ovulated somewhere between starting and stopping the different pills. Anyway, it was a very difficult time for me, and it prompted the discussion "do we really want more?" Like I said at times I'd like and army full, and I too get the comments "boy, do you have your hands full!" and I(we) do! And as much as I enjoy it(because I do!), we also wanted to get on with other aspects of family life besides more diapers etc... To make a long story short, my husband "got fixed!" or at least that's what I like to tell him, so no more babies in our future. But I wish you the best of luck and a hearty Congratulations if you are cooking #4. They(babies) are a miracle and a blessing. I am one of four(I have 3 brothers).
Let us know how the blood test goes, and if it's not what you want it to be this time, don't despair-if it is meant to be, it will happen.

Good Luck,
Karen
P.S. Do you work in an O.R. ? Or does the OR stand for something else? Just curious. And nosey! I am an anesthesiologist so I worked in an O.R. I have not worked since my third one was born, though. Actually, I take that back. I do work!! I am just not monetarily renumerated for work outside the home!!!

[JoanneOR]

Karen, no, I don't work in an OR. Those are just the first two letters of my last name.

I'm sorry to hear about the baby you lost. I had a miscarriage before my three boys and I know how heartbreaking it can be. I'm very nervous about this pregnancy (I'm 99% sure I am, I took another test!) because of my age, I'm 39. So we are not telling anyone until after the first trimester. Although I'm sure people will suspect since I am sure I will start showing very soon! My jeans are already tight. But, of course, that has nothing to do with the massive amounts of chocolate and cookies I ingested over the holidays!

My husband considered getting "fixed" after the third, but neither one of us seemed ready to make it "official" to never have any more. Part of it on his part is that he really wants a girl. I guess I just wasn't ready to give up that part of my life yet (the having babies part) since we had alot of fertility problems before #1. I think we'll definitely have him "snipped" after this one, though! Maybe before it's born, just to be safe!