SAHM / WAHM thread for June

[BlueMoose]

Hello?

It's much quieter over here.;)

I would like to pose a question. I usually feel like I have no time to myself. I'm sure a lot of you feel the same. How do you deal with this?

I try to keep myself sane with making my crafts and spending time here on the BB, but it's really hard. I really have to leave the house and go to the grocery store or run some other errand to get to be alone. I get so frustrated sometimes and feel like I'm suffocating. DH will take them out sometimes so I can work, but it always seems like he's "doing me a favor". I get jealous of the freedom he has. He's not tied to the kids like I am. It's not like I want to take off on vacation without them or anything. I love having kids, I just don't want to lose myself...

Enough rambling. This probably doesn't make any sense. I think I'm incoherent. I can't even put a complete thought together.:rolleyes: :D

[MrsReber]

I totally understand!! DH has been helping out a bit more with bathtime (it's almost physically impossible for me right now) and he does all the laundry. Since I've been home from work for the past 2 weeks, he gets up, goes to work, comes home, plays with DD for a bit and then goes to do whatever. He does still drop her off at daycare three days a week (we're paid up til the end of June), but after he comes home, he'll go out in the garage, stop by his friend's house or whatever. Last Thursday, he decided he was going to help our neighbor break up his cement steps so he was over there until 9:00pm. And yes, I feel like he's doing me a favor whenever he watches DD so I can go out. But then again, he almost makes it seem like it's a favor! Last night, he said he'd take her out into the yard for a bit so that I could have a little break. He took her out, put her in a chair out there and she cried and cried. I didn't go out, thinking that he'd take care of it. He came into the house a few minutes later and said "I thought you'd come out to help me". Now wait a minute- who helps me during the day when I am here and I have a screaming child? When I was still able to go to the grocery store, I'd always take her along. On the few occasions where he did watch her, he'd seem upset if it took me too long. Of course, I end up feeling guilty about that for some reason. He also went fishing right from work three nights in a row, not getting home until 9:00pm. Sorry to go off, I just know exactly what you're talking about. I love DD dearly and cherish the time I spend with her. The only time I have to myself is after DD goes to bed for the night or during nap time. However, I seem to be running around trying to get things done while she's sleeping. He'll just get up and say "I'm going over so and so's house for a little while" and he'll leave whereas if I leave the house alone, I have to check with him first. I wish I knew what the answer was. The only thing I can tell you is that you're not alone!

[lindrusso]

First, a suggestion. Maybe we can sign our posts here with the number and ages of our children? This will make it easier for us to answer questions if we know how many kids and how old they are. I for one will never be able to remember everyone's children without some help! :) I don't like putting up names, so I'll use initials.

Back to the topic at hand. I am finally at the point where I can get time to myself. Here are some suggestions (I see you have a 20-month-old, so some of these ideas will only apply to the 4-year-old):

1. Join a club or form a playgroup. I belong to a MOMS Club. We usually bring our children to all functions, but just being able to sit and chat with ADULTS while the kids play can make you feel like you have a bit of time to yourself. We also have a Moms Night Out once a month where all the moms get to go out without kids.

2. Get a babysitter once a week. My babysitters are in highschool and are out of school for the summer. I have someone come about once a week. Sometimes I do something fun, but sometimes I just run errands. Even running errands can be nice when you get to do it alone! :)

3. Take up a hobby that gets you out of the house. I do scrapbooking. We have workshops once a month. This gets me out of the house and I get to work on a hobby and get a bit of adult interaction.

4. Preschool. We have several preschools in the area that start around age 3. It's just 2-3 days a week for 2 hours, but it can really help!

5. Join a gym that has babysitting. I belong to the YMCA. I drop the kids off at the babysitting room for an hour or so and go do my workout. I get time to myself AND I get in shape!

6. Trade with another mom. If money is an issue, you might be able to find someone you can trade babysitting with. She watches your kids for a couple of hours and then you do the same for her. No added costs and everyone gets a break.

7. Story hour at the library. The story hour here is free. We did this last summer and I would take the kids to their story hour and then spend the hour reading or looking for books in the library.

Gee, it sounds like I spend an awful lot of time trying to figure out how to get away from my kids! :) :D Time to yourself is very important - it definitely makes me a better mommy! :)


Mom to JMR 8 and NAR 4.

[Laura]

I also struggle with time to for myself (well not right now as my kids are spending 5 weeks with their dad for the summer :( ) but when they are here it is tough. I work from home, but they want me to do things with them or for them, I feel bad about leaving them alone while I am working so on my free time, I try for us to do things together. However that limits "my" time. During school, I started working at 6:00 just so I could actually try to do it all, but that just made me exhausted by 9:00.

My kids are older (12 - almost 13 - and 10) so while they are old enough to be on their own, I still feel guilty about leaving them so I can work out, get a pedicure, or just meet a friend for coffee.

Obviously, I don't have many answers as I am searching for them myself. But I love having the forum to vent. :D

Laura, mom to Paige 12, and Jack 10.

Chrisi, one of my friends used to love to go grocery shopping as it was her time; she would drink coffee, invariably see friends there, and just relax. Of course having been a single mom since my kids were quite young, I have always hated going to the store.

[ourthreegirls]

Hiya Moose...boy this is a subject close to home...
My kids are REALLY close in age (my older dd is 14 months 5 days older than my twin girls). The first year of my twins' life was one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with! I totally lost myself for awhile...
The one thing that REALLY saved my sanity was to join our area Mothers of Twins Club. Ok, so not an option if you you don't have twins :) BUT it is very similar to a moms group that someone else mentioned. I started going when my babies were 3 months old. It really saved me! I felt like I wasn't the only one going through the things I was going through ya know? AND I got OUT - by myself. What a concept that was. I spent three months housebound (other than ped. appts) and was MISERABLE. And suddenly I was a new woman...
As far as resenting your dh's freedom to come and go (not to mention his taking the kids as a "favor"), I hear ya on that one! My dh and I had a HUGE falling out about this when my girls were about 6 months old I guess. I'll give you the short version of the story lol...

His business partner's wife was turning 40 and they were having a surprise party for her. The surprise was a trip to Keeneland (horsetrack in Lexington). They rented a bus. Big party. Yadda, yadda. My dh informed me that he was going on such and such a date and would probably be gone the whole day...didn't ask me if it was ok or anything. Of course I didn't want him to go, but he kept telling me he was obligated b/c she was his partner's wife. Whatever. So then he said "maybe" he'd drive down separately so he could leave early. Didn't happen. He went...rode in the bus with everyone else, came home late, and drunk. I was livid. Never been so angry at the man in my life....and told him so. I asked him if he thought he was 21. He just didn't "get" that I was really starting to resent him b/c he came and went as he pleased and never even offered to stay with the kids while I did what *I* needed/wanted to do. He changed his tune eventually...just really took some time on his part.

lindrusso had numerous good ideas actually...not just the MOMS club thing. I also like the joining a gym thing (I guess b/c I did it). Granted, we are still getting used to the play area....but on the days that it does "work" for the girls..I feel awesome getting a good workout in, the girls get to play, and I am totally energized. What could be better?

Ok, enough rambling I guess. Know that you are not alone, ok? :)

Jennifer
ACW 8/14/99
HJW and HKW 10/19/00

[BosunsWife]

I struggle with this topic everyday it seems. DH is in the USCoast Guard and is gone generally two weeks out of every month (24/7). When we moved to Hawaii I got a sitter for DD once a week. It gives me a small bit sanity especially since I have no family remotely close. When DH is home he is great about watching DD and I get at least one evening a week (or more) to myself to work on crafts, go shopping, etc.

Mallory, age 3
Baby No Name, due 6/26

[Marian]

Originally posted by BlueMoose
Hello?
DH will take them out sometimes so I can work, but it always seems like he's "doing me a favor". I get jealous of the freedom he has. He's not tied to the kids like I am. It's not like I want to take off on vacation without them or anything. I love having kids, I just don't want to lose myself...

Enough rambling. This probably doesn't make any sense. I think I'm incoherent. I can't even put a complete thought together.:rolleyes: :D

Don't you love how the husbands make you feel guilty when you want some alone time? When my kids were smaller I would go to the gym and use the day care there - that was my alone time and boy how I needed it. I would be in a really bad mood if I had to miss it 2 days in a row.
When my youngest was about 3, a good friend of mine and I started taking a long weekend together once a year and do something just for us. We went to Asheville, NC once, on a short cruise and this past year we went to Tucson to a nice resort. My husband definitely appreciates what I do now more than ever. Granted my kids are older now, so that helps quite a bit.
If I need some alone time now, many times I will go take a nice bath and lock the door. Take a book or magazine in with me and sometimes a glass of wine. AHHHHH!
I hope you can find a way to get some time to yourself - it is much needed for a mom's sanity.

Marian
Daniel age 15
Laura age 10
Katherine age 8

[KimKelly]

I'm in this boat too! My kids are Drew 6 years & Olivia 3 years - 3 years apart almost to the day. Actually they are mostly pretty good, but I hear ya on needing some time to yourself. My husband is an airline pilot so obviously is gone often for days at a time (lately it's been to Honolulu, so that makes matters just that much worse! ;) ). I was figuring today that I have not been away from them, except for maybe the shower, and not always that... in about 4 weeks. I'm way past due and the ole nerves are feeling it.
Sometimes I do just reach the end of that rope too. I've taken to telling the kids that "Mommy needs some quiet time" and I usually come to the computer and play for a bit, or just sit in my room and read. It's amazing what 20 minutes of peace and quiet will do. They are usually pretty good about it (I think they can see the frayed nerves!) and play either together or in their rooms. Or sometimes I do just put on the tv. I do have a sitter who will be home in July, she is the most wonderful girl I've ever met! My kids love her (and so do I), but she had the nerve to go to college last year! In any case, I do try to use her when she is around and do go out sometimes just to do the grocery store by myself.
I'm looking forward to this fall when my daughter Olivia will be going to preschool for 6 hours a week. My husband was wondering what I'll be doing with all my free time... yeah... I've figured that with drive time I'll have exactly 4 hours and 34 minutes alone a week!
On the subject of husbands watching the kids, mine isn't the best at that even when he is home. I just wanted to run to the post office yesterday and said I'd be back in about 1/2 hour, just wanted to get out and he says, "But I"ve got to take a shower. What will I do with the kids?" Goodness! What do I do with them every day??? Sometimes they are so helpless! Lovable, but helpless.
Thanks for this thread, and allowing me to just vent! Somehow that makes it all better.

Kim

[BlueMoose]

LOL...Oh, Kim, the shower thing really makes me laugh! I hear you on that one!

My DD does go to preschool, but has been out for the summer since late May. She goes M-F from 12:30 to 3:00. That was a really nice break for me, and Gabe had started napping during that time. Now I'm really missing that time!:( What really bums me out is that my best friend/neighbor moved away at the end of March. Boy do I miss her! She has kids almost exactly the age of mine and we have so much in common. Just hanging out with her for an hour or so would really help save my sanity (and hers, too). I can talk to her on the phone now, but it just isn't the same. Things are getting a little easier than they were during Gabe's first year. Both of my kids have been kind of difficult babies, and Gabe has always been really clingy. But at least now he's starting to play with Emily more and he doesn't need me 100% of the time. He's also distracted by the Wiggles!:eek: I bought a couple of their videos and he just loves them. It lets me get something done at least.

ourthreegirls...my DH seems to have to go through some drunken incident a couple times a year. I don't know if its an immaturity thing or if he thinks he's single or what. Last time was only about a month ago. He was supposed to be home at about 8:00. The time he gets home can vary because he drives a truck and sometimes he gets caught in traffic or has a problem with a delivery or whatever. Well it was almost 11:00 when he came in the door, and I had really been starting to worry. I could tell immediately from the stupid smirk on his face that he'd been drinking. I get so mad when he pulls stuff like that, but in reality, what can I do about it?

I told DH this morning that I need some "mental health time" today, so he's going to get the kids out of the house for awhile this afternoon.:) Also, I have a friend that I go out for lunch with every couple of months, and I think we're about due for one of our lunches! We can have a nice quiet time together and commiserate with one another;) .

I shouldn't complain so much. I'm actually quite happy with my lot in life. There are just some things that I wish could be better (with DH for the most part). But I love being a mommy.:)

Emily 4 1/2
Gabe 20 months

[ourthreegirls]

You're right Moose...aarrrggghhh I cannot remember your name for the life of me and don't know if you care for me calling you Moose all the time LOL....anyway, you're right not a whole lot you can do about it. I've found griping about it does me no good (not that he pulls that stuff THAT much, but when he does, I get mad, he says sorry, end of story....doesn't mean it won't happen again) I wanted to "commiserate" about the clingy kid thing. One of my twins has been VERY clingy for as long as I can remember (she was colicky as an infant too). That was/is a continuing source of stress for me. But NOW....my older dd has just in the past 2 weeks started with AWFUL tantrums. She has always been the most laid back of my 3 and this tantrum thing has come so suddenly. She wants me to hold her A LOT when I'm holding one of her sisters or giving them attention. Of course when I don't , tantrum follows. Or for anything else for that matter - having to share a toy, etc. Do you (or anyone else for that matter) have any tried and true tantrum tactics for an almost 3 year old?
I had to laugh at the shower thing too! Sounds a lot like my dh. :D

Jennifer

[KimKelly]

Jennifer... I forgot to ask last night what part of Kentucky you are in? My husband and I spent 3 years in Louiville before we moved here. He works for UPS. We toured the Keeneland track once as well, it was neat! No horses racing that day though. I have another friend who is still there - a place called "Philpot", but I never went there. Anyway, they have some horses and her husband is constantly going to this or that track.
Have to run, my little Olivia wants to "type like mommy", so I guess my computer time for this morning is gone. I got amost 4 minutes. Yeah!

Kim

[Svadhisthana]

What kind of schedule do you all go by durring the day, if at all? I have two ages 4 (will be 5 in Sept.) and 3 and trying to find activities that keep their attention and that don't involve the t.v. or computer is really hard. The three year old can be really clingy as well. This makes getting my day to day "chores" accomplished difficult. I have several activities they can do on their own or with little help but, they only last so long. With play-dough, coloring, reading, leap pad, memory, chutes and ladders, building blocks, puzzles and all of the toys in their room you'd think they would be o.k. for five minutes while I put a load of laundry in, wipe down counters or heaven forbid, go to the bathroom. I also have to share the car with DH because mine is at the mechanics for an extended engagement. If I want to use it durring the day I have to drop him off, pick him up and that leaves little time to get planned activities and simple things like meals and errands accomplished. Wow, I didn't mean for this to turn into a rant. Anyway, what's your schedule look like?

[boisewinesnob]

Jennifer (ourthreegirls): BlueMoose's name is Chrisi

Anyways, my boys are older, but I sure can sympathize with the stories about when they were little and I needed to "escape"; feeling guilty about leaving them with DH, etc.
When they were really little, I was a SAHM and DH had a crappy job and we really struggled with money. Joining a gym wasn't possible and we only had one car anyways, so I was really trapped. The 2 middle boys were 14 mos apart, so it was almost like having twins, except one of them could run around and get into stuff while I was nursing the newborn :rolleyes: . Plus, the older one still didn't always sleep through the night.
Enough about that.
My DH never really went out and left me to do partying with friends or whatever. He always comes directly home after work and always has. My concern is that the man has absolutely no friends besides me. Not that I want him out running around and getting into trouble, but I wish he'd go out and play golf with someone or something!!! I know a lot of men are this way....they just don't connect like women do and are content to remain a "loner".

Suzy
sons:
Drew 14 1/2
Collin 13
Micah 8 1/2
(also Jesse 17.5 who has moved out already :eek: )

[MaryH]

Oh, I want to join. I have two daughters 5 and 2. My office is in my house but my job requires some travel (usually an hour to an hour and a half each way - so I'm usually back the same day.) Its a full time job but there are weeks when the schedule works such that I'm home most of the week.

Moose, I can so relate to the "favor" thing. MY DH will say things like "well you weren't home the past two days" - hello, its because I was working. I try to explain that its not like I'm on vacation or something.

So far, time outs work somewhat for the two. However, its getting to the point where toys go on time out and/or we'll have to start taking privileges away. We're seriously considering starting the 2 year old in preschool (same school where her sister is) next September. She talks/acts/looks like a 4 year old. (must be a "second" child thing -
:D )

[ourthreegirls]

Suzy...thanks for setting me straight on Chrisi's name :)
Kim....we are in Northern Kentucky - about 20 minutes south of Cincinnati. Before kids, meaning dh AND me (what a concept), went to Keeneland every year - sometimes twice a year. Needless to say, I haven't been in awhile....wonder why? ;)

Jennifer

[Susan]

Just "found" you all again! Thanks, Chrisi for getting this thread rolling. I don't normally post on the HL bboard so it feels a little strange at the moment. :)

Does anyone know the children's book Five Minutes Peace? It's about an elephant family (mom, dad, 3 kiddos) and the mom just wants 5 minutes peace "from all of you". Her kids follow her into the bathroom and even get in the tub with her! It's a funny book, and seems to mirror my life right now with 2 dds (almost 2 & 3 yrs old).

We go to a playgroup once a week which is such a sanity saver for me. Now that the pool is open we have been going almost every day and meeting new people there which has been refreshing. Hope the novelty of the pool doesn't wear off! I actually bought a bathing suit for the first time in years!

I love to go to the nice quiet library ALONE every couple weeks while dh is with the kids. I love the silence there! I try to get out alone at least once a week (to run errands or just do something for me). I think this really helps me be more patient (among other things!) with the girls (and dh!) if I get time to myself.

Love this thread! :D

~Susan~
dd1=> 3 in July
dd2=> 2 in August

[BlueMoose]

Susan, that book sounds really cute!:)

DH took the kids out for awhile today. I was so tired and feeling worn out that I decided I wasn't going to do anything, just rest. So I got in bed and watched Food TV and napped with my dog. It felt so good!:) I wish I could do that more often. Of course when they got home there was all kinds of screaming and carrying on. Emily and Andrew (DH) butted heads all day today. They have a tendency to do that. I think it's because they both like to be the center of attention:rolleyes: . The kids really wore him out today. It makes me laugh when he can't handle it. I'm so mean!:D

[leightx]

You guys are cracking me up! I love reading that other moms are going through the same things I am!!

Chrisi - my DH and I had it out BIG TIME last year about the issues you're having. We both have lots of friends - the problem is that his are either single or married without kids :eek: ! So, he was getting invited to go on a hunting or fishing weekend trip at least once a month. I had to put my foot down and explain that that wasn't going to work. To make a long story short, it's now understood that weekend trips are Big Deals and should not be entered into lightly. And, I make sure to take weekend trips with my girlfriends at LEAST once a year (and wouldn't feel the least bit guilty doing it more, but it's too hard to organize all of our schedules). I highly recommend girlfriend trips - taking a break from family is such luxury! DH and I also have an understanding that we each get, on average, one weeknight "off". Sometimes I teach a scrapbook class on that night, or go to Barnes and Nobles to read and chill out, or go to a crop at the scrapbook store, or mom's night out with the MOMS Club. But I try to do something for me at least once a week. If he's not home, I get a babysitter. Also, DH travels and is out of town on average 1-2 nights per week. We both kind of consider those nights his nights off (sometimes, depending on what he's doing). He's in sales, so his nights usually involve nice dinners and drinking :rolleyes: . And he usually manages to squeeze in a round of golf once every other week while he's out of town - peachy keen with me since I'd rather him do it during the "work" week than on a weekend.

Anyhoo, to make a long story longer (!), I highly recommend sitting down and talking to your DH. I was so fuming mad I wrote mine a letter, which, for me, worked better since I could think about what I wanted to say (and we tend to get in heated arguments very easily, unfortunately). As it turns out, I had the same problem you do with not just going out to the store or whatever without it seeming like such a big deal to ask DH to watch the kids for an hour or so. He basically told me that it was all ME - he wouldn't care in the least if I wanted to go get my haircut after he got home, or run to Target, or whatever. As it turns out, we were both right. I do ask him more often to do things like that (not necessarily fun stuff, but things that need to get done that he doesn't even hesitate to do on his way home from work, making him 2 hrs. late). While he usually doesn't say no, he does get "huffy" every once in a while. I just let him deal with it and go do my thing. Another thing we try to do is go out, just the 2 of us, every other week (or more). This helps our relationship soooo much! We are not a couple that needs (or even likes!) to spend every waking moment together. We both treasure our friends, and enjoy spending time by ourselves, and with each other of course. There needs to be a healthy balance of the 3 for a good marriage (in my opinion, and speaking from experience).

Scene from this morning:
me (while doing dishes): Honey, could you please feed the kids some breakfast?
DH: Well what do you want me to make?????
me: I don't care - cereal, oatmeal, yogurt, fruit - whatever!
DH: Well, which one???
me: It doesn't matter - just pick one and feed them!!!

This conversation replays itself with clothing choices / milk vs. juice, etc... all morning. Sigh...anyone else have a hubby incapable of making decisions???

Leightx

[SusanD]

Leigh, you're right on. Maybe I shouldn't be here because I'm not a SAHM - but I did have the same issues - feeling like DH wasn't pulling his weight with DD (age 14 mos). Especially because I'm doing double duty, bringing home a paycheck. However, we talked, and it was the same thing that Leigh described. Basically, I was the one making it seem like he was doing me a favor by watching the baby. He's like, "Do what you need to do. If you want to take a nap or go to the grocery store, don't ASK...just GO!" He went on to say that he felt a bit offended, I was almost making him feel like he was less of a parent than I was, like things would totally fall apart if I weren't there. I belong to a book club that meets once a month - sometimes twice if we're in the mood for a girls night - and he practically pushes me out of the house. So, I guess my point is, try talking to your DH - you might be surprised!!!

[BlueMoose]

This is so good for me!

Leigh, my DH also seems to be incapable of making a lot of decisions. Emily totally picks up on this. Sometimes he'll suggest doing something, or offer her something to eat, and she'll come to me and ask permission.:rolleyes: One day she wasn't doing what he told her to, and he asked her "who's the boss around here, you or me?" (not the best ? to ask a 4 year old). She said "mommy is!".;)

This one was cute...the other day he was patting himself on the back for doing such a good job "babysitting" and she said "Daddy, you're not a babysitter, you're my daddy". I got a good chuckle from that one.

But you guys are right, I think a lot of the feelings of guilt I have are just me. If I tell him I'm going to get my haircut, or I'm going to have lunch with a friend, or whatever, he doesn't say anything to make me feel guilty. He knows I need time away from the kids and time to myself. Heck, he needs a break after a couple of hours with them!:rolleyes: A few weeks ago I went out from about 10am to 6pm to meet with my friend who moved to CA. She was back in MN staying with her in-laws about 100 miles from here, so I went to see her. We had lunch and went to a bunch of antique shops and just had a great time. It was so much fun! I just wish we could do it more often.:(

[luv2run]

Hi all! Just checking in. Fortunately, all is quiet here. Don't hate me, guys, but I have one of those rare finds--a DH that pulls his weight and sometimes some of mine! Of course, wait until I post while he's gone to one of his beloved Nascar races--:rolleyes:!

BTW, my DD will be 9 next month (Mackenzie) and DS is 5 (Lukas).

Debbie :cool:

[JoanneOR]

OK, I have a 5 year old, a 4 year old, and a soon to be 3 year old and another on the way in September. All boys, but the new one is a girl. I have to say my DH is usually pretty accomodating and in theory says I can go out whenever I want to. But, most of the time I decide to go and do something, he says, oh, but I was going to do this or that, so I wind up staying home. I always feel like I have to plan ahead for anything, even running errands, but he, on the other hand, can just run out at any time, any where.

It can be very frustrating. Our situation is that I work at home two days and go into the office the other three days. DH works the night shift so on the days I am at the office he is home with the kids. It is tough on him, because on those days he only gets about three hours of sleep (from the time I get home until he leaves for work again.) I know that is hard and I could never do it, so I appreciate that. BUT... that also means as soon as I walk in the door, I'm bombarded with the kids. Don't get me wrong, I miss them when I'm at work, but sometimes (usually) DH hasn't given them dinner yet, so they are all yelling, we're hungry, what's for dinner?

Also, my DH seems to think that when I am at work, that is my "alone" time. I don't think so!

Our big problem is bed time. Because of my DH's schedule, he isn't available to help me three nights a week. But, that doesn't explain the other four nights. I am the one who gives them their baths, reads the stories and deals with the ten trips downstairs each of them makes to say they are hungry, thirsty, my brother's bothering me, etc. It can be a stressful time and the only time my husband handles it is on the rare occasions I am not there. He will be sitting downstairs in his lazy-boy the entire time I am dealing with this but it is like he is not in the house. Drives me crazy! Three little boys can be quite rambuctious! (SP?) A few times I have just lost it and yelled "Am I the only adult in this house?" We've talked about it and he feels it is my responsibility since he has them for three days with no sleep. This is a very sore point with us and will only get worse when the baby comes.

Working at home is pretty tough with the boys home. My husband will usually be catching up on his sleep, so I have no one to occupy the boys. My oldest is pretty good about letting me work, but the other two are a little too young to get it yet. I must get up from the computer at least 5-6 times an hour to get them snacks, milk, help them with whatever they are doing, etc. We used to have a babysitter, but just can't afford it now.

I think most men are alike in these regards; it must be some genetic thing! It just helps to know you're not alone!

[krhm]

Well, I was feeling pretty low when I started perusing the boards this afternoon, but after reading everyone's posts I don't feel so awful anymore. What a great idea for a thread! I have most of the same feelings the rest of you do, and it is such a relief to be validated!

About the DHs, we went through some really rough times at first, but we just kept talking, talking, talking, and things are much better now. I also wrote letters to him like Leigh suggested, and I kept my own personal journal for venting out stuff that I needed to release. Now, things are great, and he is incredibly supportive and attentive, and helps out a lot.

I've been very frustrated lately because DD1 (almost 6) has been fighting a LOT with her 2-year old sister. Neither one of them sleep well (and six years of sleep deprivation will make anyone cranky), and they do not entertain themselves well either. So I feel like I'm on-call 24/7, with no break for myself. I do teach part-time, which helps a lot, and they go to a neighbor's house while I'm gone. My hat is off to those of you who work at home while your kids are there...I have never been able to make that work. If I have grading or class prep to do, I stay up late or work on weekends.

It is interesting to hear from mothers whose children are older...perhaps I've been kidding myself that it will get easier!

[SusanD]

It's interesting to hear other moms' perspectives. DH knows how badly I want to quit working and stay at home, but we simply cannot afford to be without my paycheck. I think that's part of the reason he is so accommodating at home, and always (well, usually) ready and willing to help. That's not to say that we don't have our moments - for example if I'm trying to make dinner and DD is totally under my feet and he's watching the news, completely oblivious. I have to ask him to come in and get her and PLEASE ENTERTAIN HER so that she doesn't come back.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I were a SAHM - would he still be as helpful as he is now?

I think the key is communication, communication, communication. It's taken me awhile to learn that he doesn't always realize right off the bat when I need help and sometimes I need to let him know - but when I do, he's right there with no complaints.

[BlueMoose]

I'm reading so many statements here that have often come out of my own mouth!:rolleyes: Funny thing is, reading that many of you have similar experiences is helping me feel better about my husband. He's not the only one like this...he's a guy!;) I feel like I'm complaining so much, but sometimes a person just needs to vent. I figure it's better to get it off my chest with you guys, who understand what I'm saying, than to nag him all the time. That definitely doesn't help our relationship! And in a lot of ways, he does try pretty hard to help with the kids. I'm sure I'm not the easiest person to live with either! ;)

I think it would help a lot if the 2 of us got out together once in awhile, which we never do. We keep saying that we have to do that, but we never do. I also like what some of you have said about getting a babysitter once in awhile. That would give me a well needed break.

krhm...it's frustrating to have sleep problems, isn't it? My 4 year old is a total night owl. I have such a tough time getting her to go to sleep at night. We try to get her to bed at a decent time, but she still doesn't fall asleep until frequently 10 or 11. And Gabe has always been a very poor sleeper. I won't go into all of that now, but during a lot of his first year I was SO sleep deprived, it wasn't even funny. I was even starting to worry about my health. He still doesn't sleep well, but things aren't as bad as they used to be.

[Laura]

My ex-husband was a very loving father, not just a very helpful one. Unfortunately, neither of us were very good communicators so the first thing I need to say is talk to DH. Find that neutral means, and that neutral way to communicate your frustrations.

With respect to me, I know I often felt that while my ex-husband would not help out much, I also didn't give him credit when he did. Although I was working full-time out of the house when the kids were young, I was still the primary caregiver. So I would be frustrated when my ex would ask what the kids liked to eat (hello, your the dad can't you figure it out?) but then roll my eyes when he gave them cereal for lunch or leftover dinner for breakfast. I guess my point is that I didn't always make it easy for him to be helpful. I also had all the same issues with the drinking and the "boys weekends" that some of you have.

I guess my point is this: Talk, ask your DH how you can help them to be a better father and then tell them how they can help you to be a better mother. That means if you need time off for your sanity, tell them when and for how long. Don't assume they should know you need the time. As my pastor said yesterday about his marriage, things started working out much better when we stopped assuming our spouse knew what we were thinking. Then when they do help, be thankful. Yes maybe it isn't the way we would do it, but God created men and women differently. The kids need both.

Sorry, if I stepped on any toes.

[BlueMoose]

Laura,

You certainly haven't stepped on my toes!:) I know that everything you said is right on the money. I just get frustrated sometimes because my DH is not a good communicator. When I try to talk to him about an issue he just won't have it. He buries his head in the sand. I know that he gets it from his family. I even asked him to go to counseling several times in the past, and he refused.:(

I agree that kids need both. I can already tell that most noticably with our son. In most ways I think that he is a good husband and father. And both of us are determined to "stick this out for the long haul". His sister is going through a divorce right now and has a 4 year old little girl. I think that has scared him a little.

Right now he has them out at a kiddie pool, so I'm all alone in the house:) . No radio, no TV, no screaming.....AAAHHHHHH.....:)

[Kristilyn1]

The whole issue of "how come I have to ASK to leave the house, and you just get to leave whenever" thing was the biggest fight in my house for like two years. We have FINALLY resolved this issue. DH used to say EVERY TIME I wanted to run an errand "well, I was planning on doing this" so I'd have to shoot back "well, I was planning on doing THIS" and the battle would be on. I finally got through and we are constantly asking each other "what's your plan this week or today" and revising....revising....revising, so everything can get done. I think my husband is more accommodating since I started staying home a year ago--since he knows I'm with the kids all day long.

I'm not a MOMS Club type of person---I don't crave adult interaction, I crave ALONE time so my YMCA membership is my lifeline. I take the kids to the babysitting room (they LOVE it) and I work out and get this, take a SHOWER! It's great. The Y doesn't charge extra for the babysitting, it's included with the membership so it's very affordable. I highly suggest it.

Kristi

[SusanD]

Originally posted by Laura
Don't assume they should know you need the time. As my pastor said yesterday about his marriage, things started working out much better when we stopped assuming our spouse knew what we were thinking. Then when they do help, be thankful.

YES!!!! I still have to remind myself of this from time to time - but I'm working on it, and I have noticed a HUGE improvement in my attitude and his. We rarely argue now, and things get DONE when we work together rather than against each other.

[MaryH]

Kristilyn1,

The part about craving alone time, that I can totally relate to. I used to think it was just me. But I don't have much of an interest in MOMS clubs either. Until I moved to our current house, I also went to a local gym that had childcare. In fact my 5 year old will still say she misses "mommy's exercise". There is another gym near our current house, I am just debating how much I want/need to join again v. how much it will cost.

m

[Abby]

Well, I was just lurking, but stopped by to say that dh and I are ttc and yall are scaring me! ;)

[BlueMoose]

Originally posted by Abby
Well, I was just lurking, but stopped by to say that dh and I are ttc and yall are scaring me! ;)

Abby,
IMO, having children is worth it!:) It is the hardest and best thing you will ever do at the same time. But just be prepared...I can't speak for everyone, but I think in a lot of marriages the dynamics and the relationship changes a lot after children enter the picture.


I'm another person who isn't very interested in groups or clubs. I've never been much of a joiner. But I do love getting together with just one or 2 moms and their kids. I also love going out to lunch with a friend now and then. For "my time" I really just love to have some time to myself to do whatever I want.

So far this morning...I'm TRYING to get some biscuits made. Well, Gabe is getting into everything. He managed to get my bag of wheat bran off the kitchen counter and ran into the living room with it (with me in hot pursuit) and he shook it all over the floor!:eek: Then when I was trying to vacuum it up he ran around picking up handfuls of it, throwing it in the air with sheer delight. He also helped me out by pointing to big piles that I had yet to vacuum up (thanks for showing me!:rolleyes: ). One step forward, three steps back.:rolleyes:

[Laura]

Chrisi, your story made me laugh (of course I wasn't the one trying to get something accomplished.)

Abby, I have to echo everything Chrisi said. Being a parent, is the most rewarding thing I have ever done. Right now, as my SO's son is about ready to leave the nest, you realize how quickly it goes by. It is hard, but so, so worth it.

[Marian]

I am kind of out of the stage where I need to count on DH to let me get some alone time. I am lucky that my son (15 y/o) is old enough to watch the girls and I am able to get out and do some things.

My problem is that the kids are happy staying in their jammies all day long and just lounging. I feel like I have to plan outtings for them or we end up accomplishing nothing all day. When I do plan something at least one of them will complain about it and fuss, making it almost easier to stay home and do nothing. Anyone else have this problem? What kind of solutions can you recommend?

[Svadhisthana]

Originally posted by Marian


My problem is that the kids are happy staying in their jammies all day long and just lounging. I feel like I have to plan outtings for them or we end up accomplishing nothing all day. When I do plan something at least one of them will complain about it and fuss, making it almost easier to stay home and do nothing. Anyone else have this problem? What kind of solutions can you recommend?

You could let them plan the outings-within reason of course. Have each of them find something that interests them and make a day of it. Local museums and libraries sometimes have brocures with local activities. Make everyday outings more fun by making games out of it. Do a scavanger hunt at the zoo, park, beach, etc. Depending on the temperments of your children you may need to make planned outings less (or more) structured. I hope this helps. :)

[Svadhisthana]

I thought we could all post our favorite SAHM/WAHM and kids websites.
Here are some of mine:

http://donnasday.com/donna/home.shtml

http://www.beritsbest.com/HolidaysSeasons/Summer/index.shtml

http://www.tcpnow.com/legacy/familyfun.html

Please excuse the pop-ups on this one:
http://childfun.com/themes/summer.shtml

http://www.verybestkids.com/

http://www.makingfriends.com/index.htm

http://www.dltk-kids.com/alphabuddies/index.html

http://www.abcteach.com/

http://www.pbs.org/

[KristaMB]

Marian,

I posted some links to articles I saw this weekend on the following thread.

http://community.cookinglight.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=25849

Maybe you'll find some ideas in there.

~Krista :)

[Susan]

Originally posted by Marian


My problem is that the kids are happy staying in their jammies all day long and just lounging. I feel like I have to plan outtings for them or we end up accomplishing nothing all day. When I do plan something at least one of them will complain about it and fuss, making it almost easier to stay home and do nothing. Anyone else have this problem? What kind of solutions can you recommend?

I don't have an answer for you exactly. Just wanted to mention that I read a great commentary by Anna Quindlen in the May 13 issue of Newsweek, and she addresses this issue. I will post a brief portion here from their web site (you have pay $ to get the whole article):

<<May 13, 2002 Newsweek
Doing Nothing is Something

Anna Quindlen

Summer is coming soon. I can feel it in the softening of the air, but I can see it, too, in the textbooks on my children's desks. The number of uncut pages at the back grows smaller and smaller. The loose-leaf is ragged at the edges, the binder plastic ripped at the corners. An old remembered glee rises inside me. Summer is coming. Uniform skirts in mothballs. Pencils with their points left broken. Open windows. Day trips to the beach. Pickup games. Hanging out.How boring it >>

Her basic premise is that it's good for the kids to "do nothing" in the summer as it allows them to think and use their own creativity. She says that is is beneficial to allow our children to have unsceduled time. It's a good article, and I wish I could post the whole thing. It gave me much to think about. For those out there who get Newsweek, go back and dig out this issue or if you don't check the library. I highly recommend this article to you.

~Susan~

[luv2run]

Originally posted by Marian


My problem is that the kids are happy staying in their jammies all day long and just lounging. I feel like I have to plan outtings for them or we end up accomplishing nothing all day. When I do plan something at least one of them will complain about it and fuss, making it almost easier to stay home and do nothing. Anyone else have this problem?


Problem? I think this is called pure heaven on earth--:D !

Fortunately, DD, DS and I all love to stay in our jammies, they play while I work a while and then do the "dreaded" daily chores. Usually about early afternoon, we jump in our pool (that's when we loose the jammies). Next thing you know, it's dinner time. The swimming has them exhausted and they relax while I cook dinner.

For me, summer is sheer bliss. I only wish it could be year round!

Debbie :cool:

[BlueMoose]

Originally posted by Svadhisthana
I thought we could all post our favorite SAHM/WAHM and kids websites.
Here are some of mine:



Thanks for posting those great sites! I put several of them in my favorites to look over more later. Do you homeschool?

That's one thing I feel kind of guilty about. I feel like I don't do enough learning/craft/science activities. I do have a bunch of workbooks that Emily has been working in since school let out, though. We don't do it every day, but she just loves to work and color in them. It's something she can do quietly with me when Gabe is napping. We don't have much of a daily schedule during the summer though. We just kind of play it by ear. :)

Chrisi, mom to.... Emily (4) and Gabe 20 months:)

[BlueMoose]

Debbie,
You're just way too laid back!;) I wish I could learn to be more like you!:D

[JoanneOR]

Abby, I have to echo what Chrisi said. We didn't mean to scare you! Having kids is the best and most rewarding thing I have ever done. I wouldn't trade a minute of it for anything. OK, well, maybe there have been a few moments I would trade :). Seriously, I think it is the most rewarding things you can do. I do complain about my DH, but he is actually a wonderful husband and father and we are very lucky to have him. He just has some of those "male" traits that seem to be so very common!

I'm not much into groups or clubs either, but I do find it good to get together with a few of my friends with kids. The kids all play together while we can just chill out.

I thought I was the only one who have kids who would like to stay in their jammies all day. My oldest is a total homebody. He loves to stay in, but does get excited to do things like go to the zoo or a movie. My middle child could spend all day outside and the littlest kind of goes with the flow. I've been embarrassed more than a few times when someone from DH's family will stop by at 3:00 in the afternoon and we are all in our jammies! I think they think we are a bit lazy, but, oh well.

[leightx]

Originally posted by Svadhisthana
I thought we could all post our favorite SAHM/WAHM and kids websites.
Here are some of mine:
[/url]

[

Thanks so much for posting these! There is a ton of great information here!!! I wish I had some good ones to share, but you already had the 2 that I've been too! LOL!

In regards to all of you looking for things to do - here's what we do (granted my kids are a little on the young side)...and another plug for the MOMS Club. I know a lot of you had said that you are not into big groups, and the MOMS Club certainly can get big - my old one had over 100 members (plus all their kids!!!!). The part I like best though is the playgroups - we go to those weekly, or sometimes twice a week since both of my kids are in one. The 3 other moms in Abby's playgroup are now some of my best friends. The playgroup is all girls (plus Travis, poor guy) and the 4 of them are so cute playing together. They entertain each other for a few hours with minimal intervention, and we moms just sit and talk. We have playgroup at each other's houses during the winter, but when it's warm enough we always go to the park or pool. Sometimes we go to Chuck E. Cheese and places like that too if we're in the mood for lunch. Then, as a group, the MOMS Club has things like pool day, park day, kids craft day, story time, trips to the museum, scrapbook night, BUNCO, etc. You can go to as much or as little as you like. Since I like getting out of the house, we go to pretty much everything! I also like that other moms plan a lot of the activities, so that they get a broad range of experience without me having to do all the work! :D It's a rare day that we don't leave the house...although we're stuck here today since Abby is constipated. She holds it in - it's been 5 days now and we do give her medicine (Senokot, which looks for all the world like concentrated prune juice) daily or twice a day. She is so afraid to poop b/c it will hurt, so she holds it in, making it worse. She's been like this for over a year now - every time she goes there is a day of screaming and crying, etc...sigh... We have tried probably 5 different medicines / laxatives, changing her diet (which seems to be impossible - I don't know how to get her to eat more veggies), talked to nutritionists, dr.s, EVERYTHING!!! I suppose if this is the worst we have to deal with for now, we're pretty lucky.

oops - now I hear her crying downstairs - off to the rescue!!

Leightx - mom to Abby (almost 3) and Travis (almost 2)

[BlueMoose]

We hang out in our jammies a lot, too. What's more comfortable than jammies?:D

Leigh....Poor little Abby!:( We went through that somewhat with Emily, but not to the degree that you are. Funny thing is, she's had much less trouble since she was potty trained (which was a HUGE issue with her:rolleyes: ).

[Svadhisthana]

Originally posted by BlueMoose


Thanks for posting those great sites! I put several of them in my favorites to look over more later. Do you homeschool?


You're welcome. After I posted those I found some more that I'll post later.
Nope, I don't homeschool. My daughter loves doing worksheets, crafts and activities. I have to go to all those sites to keep up with her. I love the local educational supply store. Workbooks, learning toys, science kits, and craft/ activity books help me thru the day. My children thrive on order and schedule so I try to stick to regular activities and outings as much as possible. I also have their bedroom set up in "centers" to make for easy transition and clean up.


Kaitlin 4, Caleb 3

[leightx]

Chrisi - well, Abby has been "pee-trained" for almost a year now. It was really easy and painless to do that, and I think she's had maybe 3 accidents ever. However, pooping is a different issue. She's starting a moms' day out program in the fall, and you're supposed to be potty trained before you go, so I've been pushing her more to poop on the potty (she usually puts on a pull-up and stands in her "poop corner", then proceeds to squeeze her legs together so nothing can come out :rolleyes: ). However, I think the potty is making things worse - she's more resistant to pooping these last few weeks. So I"m going to back off on the potty (yet again) and just get her full of enough fiber / Senokot so that her poops aren't hard anymore I guess. Argh. It's so frustrating!!! I feel bad for her, yet she does it to herself (I know she doesn't understand, but after a year + of having this problem, it has gotten rather frustrating). She finally went this evening (I had to PRY her little legs apart so she would go) and is like a different kid now. All happy and talking and playing. Sigh... I don't think the MDO program will be a problem - since she can hold it for days if she wants to. I seriously doubt she would go there. Still, I'd love to have things back to normal!!!

Do any of you have the Rescue Heroes?? Those are the cutests things! :) We haven't seen the show, but I bought 2 of the guys for my kids and I love the fact that they stand on their own and SMILE!!!

Leightx (Abby almost 2 and Travis almost 3)

[Marian]

Thanks for the articles Krista. They are very interesting.
I guess I should be more laid back about them wanting to be in their jammies all day, but I just hate to have beautiful sunny days being wasted inside. I guess it's my problem not theirs. We do have stuff planned for the summer, so I should let them relax when they have the chance.
We are off to NJ next week to visit my husbands family - happy, happy, joy, joy! hummmph!
My son will be off on a trip to China with his Chinese class at the end of July thru mid-August - I am jealous of him. The girls and I will be doing a Girl Scout Day Camp (I am one of the organizers), the three of us will also be doing a resident camp at the end of July - I am volunteering as a counselor at that one. We'll go off to Albuquerque to visit my mom and sister for a few days in August and then the girls go off to another camp in mid-August. I just hate hearing them bicker so I tend to plan lots of things for them to do. When I write it down it seems like a lot, but it is all well spaced so they do have lots of down time.

[Marian]

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention about the potty issues. My youngest (now 8) has always held in her poops. I am sure it is a control issue with her. She is getting much better now and will go when she gets too uncomfortable, but she still seems to plug up the toilet each time which is extremely annoying.

[Marian]

What happened to everyone? Was I the thread killer this time?

I had an interesting morning. I am trying to get all physicals out of the way for kids and myself. Today I had to take my girls in for blood work - they were not very happy. Of course they couldn't eat for 12 hours prior, which meant nothing after 9 pm last night. They usually don't eat after that time anyway. You'd think my 8 y/o was going to die. She had popcorn at 8:45 and by 9:05 was complaining about how hungry she was and she'd never make it, blah, blah, blah.
After listening to whining about getting blood work done from 7 to 9, I locked myself in the bathroom and let DH get her to bed.
Fast forward to this morning. We go to the lab, my 10 y/o does all her stuff fine, with just a couple of watery eyes but no crying. The 8 y/o start physically fighting. We tried holding her still - no luck. Now we have to go through the same fasting and getting up early again and try it tomorrow!
Oh yeah - she informed me it wouldn't have been a good blood test anyway - she licked salt off her hands and ate the food from her teeth after 9 pm. What a strange kid - she definitely takes after my husband's side!

[BlueMoose]

Oh no, Marian! That sounds kind of like my 4 year old. We've had to physically restrain her to give her medicine before:rolleyes: . She can just be impossible. I hope things go better for you tomorrow.

We didn't do to much today. It's really hot, and I'd love to have the kids play out back in their little kiddie pool, but the mosquitos just eat them up!:mad: Actually, I've had a fairly relaxing day. I find I'm a lot more relaxed when I don't push myself to do a million things. Gee, that's a big surprise!;) Sometimes I think I'm insane, because I just can't keep up with all of the things I try to do. Why can't I just chill out a little?

[krhm]

Hello all!

I never got back on this thread from my last post (but that is pretty typical). Marian, I know what you mean about the DD's pitching fits at the doctor's. It took 3 nurses plus myself to get DD1 her immunization shots. And she still talks about how awful it was!

Chrisi (BlueMoose, hope that's right), having children who do not sleep well is incredibly hard, especially because I am happiest on 10 hours of sleep a night. They must take after their father, who worked yesterday from 7 am until 9 pm, then couldn't fall asleep until 2 am, only to wake up at 6. And he is working late tonight too (his company is moving to a new a location). Oops, that almost segued into a rant. Anyway, I think the lack of sleep not only makes me physically exhausted and therefore more cranky, but also just makes me feel like I don't get a break even when I'm asleep!

I also have children who don't entertain themselves well, and I find that they watch a lot more tv then I ever thought they would (but it is PBS, not just cartoons!). One thing that I've found...water play of any kind is great, even if it is just a plastic box of water with some kitchen utensils. Both DD's like to "wash" dishes in the sink, and I saved a bunch of plastic spice jars with the lids that I put some water and food-coloring in, and they mix up "soup." Or I let them go outside with their sand buckets filled with water and some cheap foam paintbrushes and "paint" the house, or have a car wash with their bikes and wagons. If it is too hot outside, I've been known to give them a bath for no reason in the middle of the day, because they will sit and play in the water for at least 45 minutes.

And although I do feel guilty about letting them watch too much tv, I agree that some days it is nice to just relax and not have to do anything. It is one of the perks of being home! DH may get to go out to lunch everyday, but sometimes I can sit on the couch and read a book in the middle of the day! It is almost like we feel we have to be busy to justify being home...as if we aren't working enough!

[leightx]

Oh Marian - poor you! Sounds pretty stressful - let us know how things go tomorrow. We took blood from Abigail once when she was about 14 mos. old. It took, me, DH, and 1 BIG nurse to hold her down long enough to get a vial. Then they called us back the next day and said it had clotted before they could test it (it was for a lead test - we lived in a really old house) :mad: !!! I was sooo hacked. We didn't take her back in. Probably should have, but I just couldn't go through that torture again. My kids' blood clots super fast - we always had problems with those heel stick newborn tests on both of them. Ugh.

Chrisi - bummer about the mosquitos! I am so with you on the oversheduling thing. I don't feel like I'm satisfied until I have way too much to do for some reason. It's a real problem!! Oh well, I can't ever say I'm bored at least. I didn't put the kids in any classes this summer for that reason - we usually take gymnastics / dance, whatever. We're just chilling out for a few months.

krhm - I'm with you on the TV thing. I keep saying I don't want them watching any TV (or at least very little), and the next thing I know I'm turning the stupid thing on again so I can get a little peace and quiet, or at least do the dishes. It makes me wish we could get rid of it, but that would never fly with DH, although I'd love to!! I really do need to restrict their TV viewing. We probably watch 1 hr. a day, which is too much (IMO) for kids their ages (3 & 2). I love your idea of "painting" the house!!! I'm going to try that the next time I'm going crazy - they do love to play in the water. I just find that I'm too lazy to change their clothes afterwards!! :o I also love staying home with them. As hard as it is, I've done it both ways (working FT and staying home), and for me, working was 100 times harder, since I was doing everything I get to do now during the day, in about 1/10th of the time, after work or on weekends. Plus I felt guilty anytime I wanted to do something without DD - now I feel like I spend plenty of time with the kids, and don't hesitate to go out with friends or on vacations without them. And I get time during the day (sometimes) to read, scrapbook, surf the net, garden, etc.. Not much time, but more than I did working. Staying home is just way more enjoyable for me. I know we've made some sacrifices, but I don't think I'll ever look back on this time with regrets.

Leightx

[BlueMoose]

Before I had kids I thought I would hardly let them watch any TV. Then I had kids! It's the only way I can get things done sometimes! Right now both kids really love The Wiggles. At first they really bugged me, but now I actually like them. It's actually pretty good programming for kids. There's nothing funnier than watching a 1 year old dance!:D

khrm (what's your name, BTW?)...I feel exactly the same way about sleeping. I feel like sleeping isn't even a break, because Gabe sleeps with me. But, I've just been trying to keep in mind that he won't be little for very long.:( Before I know it he'll be really big. I can't believe that Em will be 5 soon!:eek:

Emily has a b-day party to go to today at Chuck E. Cheeses. It's for one of the girls in her class. I'm actually looking forward to it, because I like the moms of the other girls in her class. I haven't seen them for about a month now. Which reminds me, when school starts again, I think I'm going to see if some of the other moms would be interested in having lunch once a month when the kids are in school. I think that would be a lot of fun! Emily goes to a small school, and a lot of the kids she goes with this year will be her classmates all the way through grade 12. A lot of the moms stay at home, so we get to know each other pretty well.

Chrisi:) Emily (4) Gabe (1 1/2)

[boisewinesnob]

Originally posted by BlueMoose
It's really hot, and I'd love to have the kids play out back in their little kiddie pool, but the mosquitos just eat them up!:mad:

My aunt lived in Minnesota for a couple years and she said people had T-shirts with a picture of a mosquito on it and under it: "Minnesota State Bird" ;)
My mom and I went to visit some of her family (lots of aunts, cousins, great-aunts, etc on my mom's side) for about a week when I was 9 and there were tons of those mosquitos...and ticks! :eek:

Also, the comment about TV-watching gave my a laugh. I always love how people will preface their advice with, "Well, I don't have any kids, BUT I'd do such and such". :rolleyes: And I don't mean at all that I don't appreciate other peoples' advice, whether or not they have kids, because sometimes they do have extremely good advice and can be more objective. My point is that they really DON'T know what they'd do (usually) until they have them and experience it first-hand. Sorry if I sound too opinionated (what else is new, right ;) ).

Suzy

[luv2run]

I must confess that, sadly enough, I was one of those double income, snotty professional brats who looked down their noses powdered with makeup expensive enough to feed my family for a week now only to give advice on how to raise children even when I had never even changed a dirty diaper in my life!!! I was one of the best cardiothoracic surgical nurses that I ever knew (haha) and also quite qualified (in my opinion) to give parenting advice and not at all shy about it!

Oh, boy, do I hate me then!!! I make up my own rules now as we go along. Television rules are prone to change as programming changes and as my kids' ages change. We don't stick to schedules and I believe grazing is the healthiest way for kids to eat and adults, too, for that matter. Parenting is an art, nothing to be found in any book and hurray for all of us who are willing to forge our own paths!

Well, enough said today!

Debbie :cool:

[BlueMoose]

Suzy...YOu're totally right on the parenting thing. I used to have a lot of opinions about raising kids that have changed 180 degrees after I had them! Someone on the board has a signature something like "I was a perfect mother...then I had kids".

Debbie...Your post made me LOL!:D I think parenting often involves a lot of winging it.;)

[luv2run]

Chrisi,

That's my friend LynnSC's signature!

Debbie :cool:

[boisewinesnob]

Debbie,
I am sure you were not snotty!!! Not only that, but I'm sure I had a few of my own comments about child-raising before I knew what I was talking about (not that I necessarily know it all now!). I had kids at a very young age, so didn't already have too many preconceptions about the whole thing. Plus, I wasn't really sure I'd ever have kids to begin with....I never liked babysitting when I was a teenager and little babies/kids never interested me. Now I can't imagine my life without them :) .
Also, Chrisi, I saw your comment on the Pledge thread about private school/homeschooling. My aunt (same one who lived in Minn) homeschooled her kids....they are all now graduated. When she first told me about it I thought she was absolutely nuts! I was about 17 or 18 at the time. Then once I had my own kids and educated myself on the subject a little (I can't stand ignorance....even in myself ;) ) it didn't seem so crazy after all. We have had pretty good luck so far with public schools but they are far from perfect!

[ourthreegirls]

I haven't stopped in on this thread in a couple days. Those SAHM websites are awesome! Thanks to whoever posted them....
I too can relate to the being a parenting know it all before I became a parent. I grew up watching WAY too much t.v. (and thus was overweight as a teen) and have always said I don't want that for my kids. Then I had 3 kids in 3 years...and BAM! Out the window go my ideas about too much t.v. Don't get me wrong, I DO try to limit them, but the ONLY way I get anything done during their waking hours is to put an Elmo video on and plop them in front of it. So, yes, they get to watch t.v. A LOT more than I ever planned :o

Hope everyone's doing well...my almost-3-year-old is up in her bed screaming her head off b/c I am making her take a nap. The NERVE of me....so I am trying to keep myself distracted on here until she quiets down. :eek:

Jennifer

[Marian]

We got the blood work done this morning. It was touch and go - they had trouble finding a vein and in the mean time she started to freak. I got her on my lap, one lab guy held her arm, the lab lady got a skinnier needle and slowly but surely they got the amount they needed. PHEW!!
Now I need to do some cleaning and then think of something fun to do later with the kids.

[lindrusso]

Whew - I didn't check in on this thread for a few days and now I had a lot of catching up to do!

I hear you all about what you said BEFORE kids versus what you say AFTER kids. One of our big things BEFORE kids was "No Barney in this house.". HA! THAT didn't last long! Now when I hear parents say the same thing I just giggle to myself. It gave me a 1/2 hours peace and quiet, so I grew to LOVE Barney - well, sort of. ;) Hey, whatever works!

Leigh - Wow. Your MOMS Club was huge! Ours hovers around 20 members, so it's small, but I kind of like it that way. The only problem with having a small club is that often you will get only 3-5 members showing up for an activity. However, I have heard of the much larger clubs that have the same problems. I do not make friends easily, so MOMS Club was great for helping me out of my shell and forced me to get out there. I now have 3 very close friends and tons of other moms that I can rely on if I ever need anything. We don't have extended family in the area, so we really rely on other moms to help out if I need someone to watch the kids, etc. I don't know what I'll do if we ever move. It will be so hard to start all over again!

Nice chatting with all of you! :)

[Svadhisthana]

Originally posted by lindrusso
I do not make friends easily, so MOMS Club was great for helping me out of my shell and forced me to get out there.


Reading this made me wonder- how many of you who stay at home/work at home have close friends? When my DH and I moved here my DD was only a few months old and as a first time mom I stayed in alot. I also didn't know about local groups like Le leche league and didn't attend a church so meeting new people just didn't happen. I'm now at a point where I'd like to get a local babysitter and meet new people but I just don't know how. It seems that I need one to do the other and vice versa. I guess I'm just not good at making friends and I also wonder how it's possible to keep a relationship thriving when I always have so much going on with DH and the kids.

[beacooker]

Originally posted by lindrusso
One of our big things BEFORE kids was "No Barney in this house.". HA! THAT didn't last long! Now when I hear parents say the same thing I just giggle to myself.

Well, giggle away, I just said this at lunch today!! :o But, I'm sure if it is the only thing that will get me some time to myself, I will cave!

You guys are scaring me! I've been saying how I can't wait for 6 month old DS to get a little older, so he won't require quite so much attention. Of course, I also had a long list of things I was going to get done during all my free time when I was on maternity leave. Shows you how ignorant I am about kids! What business do I have raising one? :p Oh well, DS (and all the moms on this board) is teaching me as we go!

[BlueMoose]

I only consider myself to have one close friend. Unfortunately, she recently moved away :( and left a pretty big void in my life. There are 3 other women I sometimes talk with and do things with. I wouldn't consider any of them to be really close friends, but I do think of them as good friends. Does that make any sense? But with Steph and I, we have so much in common and she inspires me so much....now I'm going to start crying! Waaaaahhhh! It's so hard to make friends, I think. I'm not the type of person to have a huge group of friends, but it sure is nice to have someone. I'm very close with my mom, which helps a lot. My parents only live about 10 minutes from us, and I don't know what I'd do without her.:)

[krhm]

Hello!

Sorry I never properly introduced myself...I'm Kari, BTW!

As for friends, well, DH is really my best friend, and I have some other female friends that I talk to, but no one really close. I'm okay with that most of the time, although signing on to this thread and realizing that there are other women out there experiencing the same problems proved to be such a relief that maybe I should make some more friends to talk to. I don't have family close by, and sometimes I am extremely sorry. It would be nice to have someone to help out when someone is sick or if we just want to visit someone, but then again, living closer to my family might make me crazy!

Marian, I'm glad things finally worked at the doctor's!

Kari

[Marian]

On the subject of friends:

We have moved quite a bit in the past 10 years. We lived near DH's family in NJ, which I HATED!! It was very stressful, I worked full time had one child at first and then added another into the equation. They were constantly having family get togethers which we were expected to attend on our much longed for weekends. Very rarely did they help out with child care, a couple of times they said they would and then something better came up and we were left high and dry.
We chose to relocate to NC since DH had a sales job and he could relocate within his territory. We loved the Raleigh area of NC. I had child number 3 there. DH was always traveling but I had a great support system of other women in the same predicament we were in. I made lots of close friends there. We them moved to Winston-Salem area and I never made any really good friends. Lots of acquaintances but no one I really clicked with. I was in a bunko group, did ladies night out in our neighborhood, school stuff - but it just wasn't the same with no close friends.
We relocated, yet again, to CA 3 years ago. Talk about culture shock!! I keep very busy here as well but no close friends. I do lots of volunteering at the school, have a GS Troop, am in a Cooking Club. I was very depressed here about 6 months ago, but have come to accept that I need to make myself happy. Once I realized that, I snapped out of my depression and like it here mostly.
Bonus, one of my good friends from NC just moved about 15 minutes away from me. I am looking forward to getting together with her and rekindling our friendship. WE have kept in touch, but it will be nice having her close by again.

[luv2run]

Speaking of friends, I have one really good friend and a couple of friends from my church. My life is much fuller when I open myself up to good friends. I tend to close myself off from people other than my immediate family because, I think, it's easier sometimes but not nearly as fulfilling!

My mother, sister and I are very close and we do a lot of things together so it seems like I never lack for company. As far as DH goes, we're definitely soul mates. We love to water ski, snow ski, run, etc., and our kids are getting old enough to make these family outings. Their ages are great fun now (almost 9 and almost 6)!

Talk to you guys soon!

Debbie :cool:

[leightx]

About friends - if you had asked me this time last year, I would have said none! :( Not exactly true, but there was no one that I regularly saw and hung out with. One of my best friends from college lives about 45 min. away (and we talk on the phone at least 3 times a week), and I had other friends that worked during the day or didn't have kids, but I was desparate for some adult conversation during the day!! Now I'd have to say that I have at least 4 really close friends that I do things with every week (many times a week, usually). I also have other friends that I see when I go scrapbook - but they're not really close enough to call up on the phone. Still, we have fun when we get together once a month. I see 3 of my "no-kid" friends at least twice a month or more. And there are a ton of other moms that I wouldn't hesitate to invite to the park or pool with us - at least all the ones in our new club (we're up to 35 already!). I would LOVE to meet someone in my neighborhood though - we have mostly older kids (middle school and up) since we live across the street from our towns highest rated middle school. Very few preschool kids around here, which is a bummer, since I'd love to be able to walk down the block and have a few drinks in the afternoon with anther mom (I needed a margarita tonight!!!), or have our kids ride bikes together when they're older. They're probably out there, but I just have seen them. I never see anyone outside in their front yards here!!! I tend to make friends pretty easily - I'm fairly outgoing, but if I can't see 'em, it makes things a little tricky!!

Ok - I will have to admit that I hate Barney SOOO much that my kids have only seen him in previews from the Wiggles videos!!! There's just something about him and those goofy kids that really drives me batty!! Of course, the Wiggles drive some people crazy, and I just love them.

Leightx

[Laura]

I have to admit that I am surprised to hear a lot of you saying that it is hard for you to make friends; you all seem so friendly and nice, I would love to have anyone of you close to me. I also struggle with close friendships. Marian, I used to live in So. Cal. and left many, many dear friends there. I have moved twice since then and have not yet developed any really close friends. My best friend in Wyoming was 14 years younger than me, single, with no kids. She was closer to my daughter's age than she was to mine, but she and I were great friends. Unfortunately, she went off to law school and I moved here.

I have had a very hard time making friends here. I am single, but seriously involved, so singles groups didn't cut it at church. The women at my children's school just seemd to be different from me, and many woman at work didn't even have kids.

I am glad we have this little group. It is great to have place to come to laugh, vent, cry, and share our stories.

[BlueMoose]

Originally posted by Laura

I am glad we have this little group. It is great to have place to come to laugh, vent, cry, and share our stories.

Me too! I really look forward to this.:)

Part of the problem with spending time with friends is just finding the time to get together. Between busy schedules, kids being sick, etc. sometimes it can be difficult. And the winters around here are tough. People really tend to stay indoors, especially with really small children. And talking on the phone......it seems like one or the other of you has kids screaming in the background:rolleyes: . I am doing better in the friend department than I was for awhile, though. After we moved to this house I really didn't have any friends (when Em was a baby). But now I've gotten to know more people. One of our neighbors has become a pretty good friend. I enjoy spending time with her. She has 3 girls, (4, 3 and 9 months), so Em has a good time with them. Since they live on our block I'm sure they'll be playing more and more as they get a little older. Of course, they almost moved away about a year ago:rolleyes: . They even had their house on the market.

Leigh...I don't like the kids on Barney, either. The Wiggles bugged me at first, but now I really like them!:) DH can't stand them, though. He really can't stand to watch any kid's shows (probably because he wants the TV all to himself;) ).

[Svadhisthana]

I have another question. Do you have a babysitter and if so where did you find him/her? How old are they? What do you pay them? How often do you use them? O.K., that was more than one question. Maybe if I scruntch it all togetherlikethis none of you will notice.:D




P.S. My older siblings went to highschool with Barney! He came back to visit years later when I was attending but I missed seeing him. I didn't grieve too much.:rolleyes:

[Marian]

Originally posted by Svadhisthana
I have another question. Do you have a babysitter and if so where did you find him/her? How old are they? What do you pay them? How often do you use them?

Now that my kids are older, my son (15) babysits the girls (10 and 8). He has been doing this for a few years - first we would only use him if we stayed in the neighborhood, then for only an hour or two at most, now we are confident enough that we can go to dinner AND a movie and not worry. I even let him take the girls to the neighborhood pool today without me for the first time. They all had fun and didn't want to leave when I showed up to get them.

Before he was old enough we used neighborhood teenagers. We usually used girls that were at least 4 or 5 years older than my son -which meant HS age. They were kids of women I knew from the various groups in the neighborhood. We paid about $5 an hour. We used them every other week - always had to call a week in advance or they would be booked.

Other places to find sitters - call a place that holds the red cross babysitting course and ask, look for good teens at church, HS or community college guidance office.

[ourthreegirls]

I have another question. Do you have a babysitter and if so where did you find him/her? How old are they? What do you pay them? How often do you use them?

I have a babysitter/mother's helper/sanity saver :D She's awesome! She has worked for me since my twins were 2 months old (18 months ago). She is a 21 y.o. college student (but was 19 when I hired her) and I found her through her college's career services office. I placed an ad in the office (actually in several college/universities in the area) stating what I was looking for. It took awhile to get a response, but I eventually got a couple. I might also recommend putting an ad up in your church if you are a regular church-goer (I'm not, but I have a couple friends that found sitters this way).

Oh btw, I pay mine 7.50 an hour. I think rates vary by part of the country though. I started out paying her 7 an hour and gave her a raise after a couple months when I saw she was sticking around ;-) When my twins were infants, she was here nearly 15 hours a week :eek: Now it's more like 6 or so, so I can get out and do things that I can do with 3 toddlers in tow. That doesn't count the occasional night out with dh (ok more like RARE night out, not occasional).

HTH
Jennifer

[lindrusso]

Argh! Started typing a long response and lost it all. When will I learn to use Wordpad when I'm feeling, um, wordy?? :D

As to the issue of friends....I do have several close friends now, but this wasn't always the case. My DH and I moved from where we grew up in 1993. We moved from PA to Texas, leaving behind good friends and our families. It was very hard. We moved because DH had a 4 year obligation to repay his Army ROTC scholarship. That made the move even harder - it really wasn't our choice. As soon as we got down there I found out I was pregnant. Thankfully, my in-laws were about 5 hours away, but even then, they weren't close by. It was hard having my first baby so far away from what I considered home and DH was gone a lot as is the way with military life. I never really did get out and make friends and was never really happy living there!

Then DH got out of the Army and we moved to Indiana. Not exactly the East Coast, but it ended up being a good move for us. Almost immediately I was befriended by a woman who belonged to a local club for SAHMs and met many other SAHMs. I am not the type of person who reaches out to others easily, so I was lucky that someone did the reaching for me! I developed a couple of good friendships that have really saved my sanity here. We get together with MOMS Club and on our own - we rescue each other when there are true crises, but also when we are mentally exhausted and need some time to blow off some steam. About a year ago I noticed a mom of 3 children who had moved into the house just down the road. I worked up the courage to strike up a conversation when she was walking by the house one day and we have been good friends ever since! That was a first for me!

I don't know why it's so hard for me to make friends. Perhaps one reason is that I don't use the term "friend" lightly. It's about common interests, respect and trustworthiness - but most of all I need to feel that I can really be myself. I may really like someone, but unless I feel like I can really let it all hang out (to a point ;) ), I would really only call that person an acquaintance, not a good friend. I always thought that adults would make it easier to be and make friends - as opposed to the politics that go on in high school - but to my disappointment, I find that so-called grown-ups can be just as petty and ridiculous! Sad!

I think it's been easiest for me to make friends in the MOMS Club, as opposed to the PTO or another group, because I have the most in common with these women.

But, I ramble on! Sorry, but I found this whole topic about making friends and its rewards and difficulties very interesting!

Alysha
Mom to boys 8 & 5. :)

[Kristilyn1]

Interesting thread change about friends....I think Lindrusso put it well, I'm the same about friends--if I can't let it ALL hang out--then they are an acquaintance, not a friend. My best friends are my 3 sisters, my best friend from high school, a friend I've known for 12 years and one woman I used to work with--and they all live in NH and I'm in RI. I spend so much time commuting up to visit my friends that it's almost like I haven't left~! I find myself having little in common with just "other moms". I have a hard time connecting with people who don't have the same interests that I do. I've made some pretty good acquaintances here, some very nice people--but I feel like I can't be "me" with them. I like to debate issues, talk about politics, etc. and that is usually taboo unless you are pretty good friends. I'm very open about some things that others might consider private, and very private about things that others would consider no big deal.

Kristi

[SueK]

Originally posted by lindrusso
I don't know why it's so hard for me to make friends. Perhaps one reason is that I don't use the term "friend" lightly. It's about common interests, respect and trustworthiness - but most of all I need to feel that I can really be myself. I may really like someone, but unless I feel like I can really let it all hang out (to a point ;) ), I would really only call that person an acquaintance, not a good friend.

Alysha- that's exactly the way I feel. I have several good friends that have kids, and we do get together periodically. As far as other moms in my neighborhood, though, other than the fact that we live on the same street, I feel like I have nothing in common with them. Add to that the fact that they and their children rarely venture out of their houses, it does make it hard to get to know people better.

[BlueMoose]

I also agree with what Alysha said about close friends. That's why it's been so hard on me with my friend Steph moving to CA. I worked up the courage to introduce myself to her in the first place, and we hit it off on so many levels. We have so many of the same interest, the same tastes, the same ideas about religion, politics and child rearing, the same passion for all things creative, etc. (even the same ebay addiction for shopping for old quilts!;) ). Now I feel like with making new friends the bar has been raised, so to speak. It's like nobody else can even come close to her. I guess that sounds kind of dumb.:( The other women I'm friends with are nice and I enjoy being around them, but we just don't have nearly as much in common.

Chrisi

Emily 4
Gabe 20 months

[lindrusso]

Originally posted by BlueMoose
It's like nobody else can even come close to her. I guess that sounds kind of dumb.:(

I'm so sorry she moved! But keep trying - you just never know what can happen if you keep yourself open to new people!

My DH and I now face an interesting dilemma. He is currently, but not ruthlessly, searching for a new job that would take us back to the East Coast. This is something that we've wanted ever since we left PA for Texas 9 years ago! However, unlike Texas, we have built real ties in this town. It's a small, friendly town and a great place to raise kids. The only real drawbacks are that we are not closer to our families and other friends and that this town is not exactly "hip" (not a lot of funky, hip, interesting places to eat or go to) and is 2-3 hours from places that are.

I would be excited to move back, but I DREAD the thought of leaving my network of moms here. Even the moms that aren't close friends are lifesavers - they are moms that I can get together with and have fun and rely on when I need someone to help with the kids. The thought of starting over is daunting - like you are saying about your friend moving, Chrisi.

So, after begging DH to try to get a job closer to home, I have actually brought up the notion of trying to stay here another 5 years or so!! If we did that, however, I would want to move to a bigger house and DH is NOT into that! I also fear that it will be harder for me to be a SAHM on the East Coast where the cost of living is much higher.

Oh well. We're just taking it day by day and we'll just have to wait and see what happens. So far his internet search for a job is not turning up anything (he has sent out applications, but no bites) which is good in a way - it gives us more time here - but bad in that until something is decided, I feel like we're in limbo (where you don't want to do such and such on the house or in the garden because we might be moving).

For instance, my 5-year-old has announced that Pooh Bear is just not cool. He cracks me up. :D He has classic Pooh in his bedroom - it hasn't been changed since he was a baby. And I feel for him - his friends will be coming over and seeing Pooh Bear on his walls - oh the horrors! ;) So now I feel like I should redo his rooms (he has requested dinosaurs), but I hesitate to go all out because if we move after all of that work....

Okay enough!!!! I REALLY need to stop blabbing and get some work done!!!! :D

[boisewinesnob]

I can totally relate to those of you who have moved and have trouble making new friends. Although I was born in New York, I really grew up in Eastern Washington (state). I got married at 20 and one year later DH and I moved to the Seattle area. At first it was really hard....the two older boys were toddlers and our next two eventually were born while we lived there.
I guess I am kind of a loner when it comes to friends. My best friend in high school already had a best friend since grade school, so she probably doesn't consider me HER best friend (although a good friend!). All 3 of us were really great friends through jr high and most of high school, but those 2 were always closer and I was kind of the tagalong (I thought....maybe I am just paranoid). Anyways, after moving to Seattle, it took a long time to make friends and then it was really hard to make the move to Boise 2 years ago. My next-door neighbor here is really nice, but her husband is a pastor of their church and so they are gone constantly for one thing or another, and she doesn't like to cook :( . I have to admit, I don't really go out of my way to look for friends, so I really shouldn't complain too much. My biggest gripe is that of all my old friends in Seattle, hardly any of them will email, call, write, etc. I am always the one to initiate contact, and many times they don't respond. I hate to have my feelings hurt like that, so maybe now I am just not trying to make any friends.
Wow, I sound like such a whiner!!! I really feel like everyone here on the board are my closest friends!!! You guys are all great and I wish we could all be neighbors! Just think of the food we would have at get-togethers!!!!! :D

Suzy

[BlueMoose]

Originally posted by boisewinesnob
I really feel like everyone here on the board are my closest friends!!! You guys are all great and I wish we could all be neighbors! Just think of the food we would have at get-togethers!!!!! :D

Suzy

Wouldn't that be great?!:D It would be cool if we could just "beam up" like in Star Trek!

[leightx]

Yep - I would love to live in a neighborhood with all of you!! Funny note - I hosted a "cooking club" for the MOMS Club this past Monday. Basically you're supposed to bring a lunch or brunch type food. The theme this month was kid-friendly foods. Here's what we had: German Oven Pancake topped with warm cinnamon apples (mine), fruit salad made with canned pineapples, mandarin oranges, bananas, vanilla pudding and Tang (it was actually really good!), cheesy brocolli tuna noodle salad, bagel bites (yep, the kind from the freezer), hamburger pie (off the bisquick box), Ritz crackers with salami slices and cheez whiz, and peanut butter balls. It was a pretty hilarious assortment! I can't help but think that if we all lived in a neigborhood together, our cooking club would be greatly improved :D !

Alysha - your town sounds just like the kind of place I would love to live. Although I would still want to be close to a big city... My in-laws live in teh greatest little town - a river runs through the middle and all the downtown stores have been preserved and sell cute gifts and antiques and things. There's a town square and the whole town just looks like something out of a book. And it's only about 15 minutes from San Antonio. I'd love to live there, except my IN LAWS ALREADY DO!!! :eek: I often think about moving, but we live close to all of our family and I don't want to move away from them. I do have a good network of friends here too, and that would be really hard to leave. I'm just not sure I like our town well enough to live here long-term. Also, I agree with you about the "cliques" formed by some women around here. I have heard stories about other playgroups that spent all their time talking about other moms, or comparing DH's salaries, or houses - ugh.

I'm the same way about friends as most of you - I was in a playgroup for almost a year with my son, and I just never really clicked with any of the ladies in that group. On the other hand, I'm really close to the moms in Abby's playgroup. You just never know.

Leigh (and Abby and Travis)

[lhall]

Wow, that took a long time to read!

So, I finally saw The Wiggles this week. The whole show, not just the songs. Anyways, do they remind anyone else of the Banana Splits w/o the drugs!? Also, I've managed 4.5 years with NO BARNEY. I'm now having trouble with Barbie. I HATE/LOATHE Barbie, and why does all the girls stuff have to be Barbie? ICK!

I probably shouldn't be here as DH and I both work, but just wanted to lurk mostly. I've learned some interesting things just from the 3 pages I just read!

Gotta do, DH wants the computer, and he's been entertaining the girls for about 1 hour now.

Leigh
(Ginger 4.5 Mariel 18M)

[BlueMoose]

Please don't feel like you aren't welcome here. I guess when I started the thread, I just figured that SAHMs have some unique situations and feelings that we share because we stay at home, just as working moms share some things that those of us at home don't.:) Please feel free to contribute!

Chrisi:)

[leightx]

Leigh - (how odd to type your own name here...hmmmm....) - I totally agree about Barbie. Abby will be turning 3 in a month, and almost all of her friends got Barbie stuff for their bdays!!! I was shocked! I remember playing with Barbie when I was 6 or 7, but not 3! Luckily, she isn't the slightest bit interested, and I've told everyone to NOT get her Barbie stuff. The only Barbie thing(s) we own are panties, which I only bought because I was desperate and Target was out of everything else in 4T :rolleyes: . Abby puts them on, says "These my Barbie panties?? Oooooohhh!!!" and that's the end of it. I'm thinking about getting her that Fisher Price loving family house with the dolls - anyone have any "experience" with that one? This is the one I'm looking at: Loving Family Dollhouse (http://www.fisherprice.com/us/lovingfamily/products/product.asp?i) I figured she'd get a few years out of that type of house.

She may just end up with a big girl bed though - she's still in the crib (and loves it there - thank goodness) but was over at a friend's house yesterday and went on and on about her bed (they have bunk beds). I'm leaning towards bunk beds, since she and her brother share a room. She'd be just fine in them, but Travis is the type of kid that would love to jump off the top bunk and break his arm or something. Costco has the coolest beds with slides and tents though - we may go that route too.

Leigh (Abby, almost 3 & Travis, almost 2)

[BlueMoose]

We got that for DD some time ago and she gets a lot of use out of it. I like it because there are lots of accessories to go with it, so other people can get those for b-days and Christmas. She really uses it quite a bit. In fact, it's in our living room right now!

As for Barbies...I used to be against Barbies, but I caved. She really loves them and she has quite a few.:o She even has the Wizard of Oz barbies because she's a HUGE fan of that movie.

[Laura]

When my daughter was playing with Barbie(8-9 years ago) she still looked and dressed like a sl*t, is that still the case? Paige got into American Girl dolls when she was 7. Much more expensive but they were wonderful for her, she got into reading and cooking because of of them. She still has them, and from time to time, wistfully gets them out and dresses them in the various outfits they have.

[BlueMoose]

Originally posted by Laura
When my daughter was playing with Barbie(8-9 years ago) she still looked and dressed like a sl*t, is that still the case? Paige got into American Girl dolls when she was 7. Much more expensive but they were wonderful for her, she got into reading and cooking because of of them. She still has them, and from time to time, wistfully gets them out and dresses them in the various outfits they have.

Yes, there are some slutty Barbies:rolleyes: . I don't buy those. Emily is totally into the "princess" types with the long ball gowns, anyway. I think American Girls are great, but at this time we really can't afford them. I got her one really similar at Toys R Us for Christmas, but so far she really isn't into it. Maybe it's a bit too old for her?

Because I'm too stupid to post pictures on this board, I posted new pictures of my kids on We're Cooking Now, page 2 of the member photos.:D

Chrisi:)

Emily 4
Gabe 20 months

[krhm]

ARGGH! I despise Barbie and the Disney princesses! And yet Alli (DD1) can not get enough. I have never encouraged the princess/prince charming stuff, and yet she constantly talks about the day her "handsome prince will come and rescue her and they will kiss and live happily ever after." I don't wear much make-up, and she is fascinated with it...her favorite computer game is a Disney princess make-over where she can load up Jasmine and Ariel with tons of blush and eyeshadow. I could go on and on here. It is so strange to see her acting as the antithesis of everything I've tried to promote, but then again DH says that this is just to prepare me for her teenage years!

Kari

[luv2run]

I must be truly blessed because DD has never liked Barbie. My only sister is only 24 and just loves to help DD choose clothes now (only the top designers for sister dearest). Good thing DD doesn't care much for labels (yet). She is most comfortable in a Speedo in the pool as far as clothes go. She likes to experiment with her hair at this point (temporary red streaks are coming today). Good thing I'm pretty laid back--;)

Debbie :cool:

[Laura]

Chrisi, I got Paige her first American Girl doll when she was 7; a friend of mine made her a bed and bedding, I think she really got into them when she was about 8. She ended up getting a fair amount of clothing for her dolls that was more modern (soccer gear, ice skating gear.) Unfortunately I can't sew worth a darn other wise she would have had more. The dolls are way overpriced, I agree. I was so happy when we could give away all the Barbie stuff, but I don't think Paige will ever want to get rid of her American Girl dolls.

[ourthreegirls]

Can I vent? :eek:

This has NOTHING to do with Barbies and American Girl dolls (I didn't even know what American Girl dolls were until recently lol)

It has to do with shopping carts, and maybe you guys can enlighten me. You know those shopping carts - I'm pretty sure they are used all over - that have like a big plastic attachment to the regular cart where 2 more children can sit. They are hard to explain if you haven't seen them, but the bottom line is that they easily fit 3 small children (2 in the attachment and 1 in the regular seat of the cart). Ok, on to the vent...

WHY is it that parents of *only* one child - and usually older school-aged children I might add - feel the need to use these carts?? I cannot possibley take my girls (ages almost 3 and 20 month twins) into a grocery store (Target has them too where I use them most frequently) without one of these! My 3 year old COULD in theory walk while I stick one twin in the basket of a regular cart and one in the seat. But how much shopping do you think I'm gonna get done with my 3 y.o. wanting to run free and the girl in the basket part standing up all the time trying to climb out?? AAARRRRGGHHH! I get so irritated when I see a carefree mom of ..... let's say an EIGHT year old .....pushing one of these carts around with her kid riding in it? Is it just because the kids think the carts are "cool"? For people like me, they actually serve a FUNCTION....I don't use them b/c they are fun or anything.

Ok, thanks for letting me vent if you got this far....can you tell I just came from the grocery store? ;)

Jennifer

[boisewinesnob]

Jennifer,
this is why I hardly ever took my kids shopping when they were little! ;) Not only that, but they didn't even have those kind of carts until my kids were all school-aged anyways. I prefered going alone because I could take my time, compare prices and didn't rush through and end up forgetting something (not that I don't almost every time anyways!).
I think I saw those American girl dolls at Costco around Christmas last year....maybe their prices are better? I don't know (only have boys).
Chrisi, I saw your pictures on that other website. That Gabe is such a cutie!!!! So is Emily, I just have such a soft spot for little guys
:D . Also, I am looking at the length of this thread and thinking maybe you ought to do one for every week like the WW thread....just a thought.

Suzy

(Drew-14 1/2, Collin-13, Micah-8 1/2, and stepson Jesse-17 1/2-already moved out)

[Laura]

Chrisi- Your kids are absolutely adorable!!

Laura
Paige, 12
Jack, 10

[luv2run]

Since someone mentioned pictures, I thought I'd show you guys my babies.

Mackenzie is 9 and Lukas is 5.

http://imagestation.com/picture/sraid24/pe5673087c0370e989c21c60df2cd14ac/fd986186.jpg

Debbie :cool:

[beacooker]

leightx -

Do your parents live in New Braunfels? That sounds like the city you described. When I lived in San Antonio, I used to love going up to New Braunfels for relaxing and shopping. I liked visiting Gruene, especially. And WurstFest in November was always so much fun! Of course, if New Braunfels isn't where your parents live, you are wondering what I am talking about!

[BlueMoose]

Thanks for the compliments.:)

Debbie... Your kids are cuties!

Suzy, we sure could do a once a week thread. Maybe we should start a new one every Monday. Does that sound ok?

Kari, My DD is obsessed with girlie and princess things, too.
:rolleyes: I think that they kind of "overidentify" with their own gender for a time. I hope it's just a phase. I'm definitely not overly girlie. I like my jeans and kahkis and I don't own a pair of pantyhose.:o

Jennifer, just so you know, I'm not one of the offenders.;) It's so hard to go shopping with kids, isn't it? Em is always bored and Gabe tries to stand up in the front of the cart:eek: ! It's so much nicer when you can go by yourself. This morning I brough the kids over to my parents house (DH works Saturdays) so I could run several errands. It was so nice! You can get so much done in such a short period of time without kids in tow.

A couple weeks ago we had to put one of our cats down.:( We decided not to tell Emily right away, because we figured she wouldn't even notice he was gone right away. (He wasn't the most social cat). Well, yesterday she asked if I had seen him lately, so I fessed up. I told her that Daddy woke up the other morning and the kitty had died during the night. She bawled for about 15 minutes and was asking questions about how he died. I kind of danced around that issue. I don't want to tell her he died in his sleep, because I don't want her to be afraid to go to sleep. She's at that age when she's really starting to have questions and anxiety about death, anyway. That's so hard! But we talked about how he's up in Heaven now, playing with our other kitty (who died several years ago).

Chrisi :)

Emily 4 1/2
Gabe 20 months

[boisewinesnob]

chrisi,
sorry to hear about your kitty :( .
As you know from my other thread we just got a puppy and the thought of him dying someday (hopefully WAY in the future) chokes me up! When we were looking at dogs at the humane society, I almost couldn't take it. My 14-yr-old had to leave the kennel area because he said it made him sad :( .
Debbie, your daughter looks like you! I remember your picture from the photo thread. And your son is a cutie too.

BTW, on the subject of girli-ness, I have already confessed on a thread a long time ago that I didn't even wear nylons to MY OWN WEDDING!!!! I just hate those things so much! If you can find me without a baseball hat on, that's a girlie day for me!

[Svadhisthana]

Originally posted by ourthreegirls
Can I vent? :eek:

WHY is it that parents of *only* one child - and usually older school-aged children I might add - feel the need to use these carts?? I cannot possibley take my girls (ages almost 3 and 20 month twins) into a grocery store (Target has them too where I use them most frequently) without one of these! My 3 year old COULD in theory walk while I stick one twin in the basket of a regular cart and one in the seat. But how much shopping do you think I'm gonna get done with my 3 y.o. wanting to run free and the girl in the basket part standing up all the time trying to climb out?? AAARRRRGGHHH! I get so irritated when I see a carefree mom of ..... let's say an EIGHT year old .....pushing one of these carts around with her kid riding in it? Is it just because the kids think the carts are "cool"? For people like me, they actually serve a FUNCTION....I don't use them b/c they are fun or anything.



I know what you mean. I'm always suprised to see people with one child use those carts (and you're right, they are always 7-8 years old). I feel guilty using it with my 3 and 4 year old because I don't have third child for the regular seat.

[ourthreegirls]

Thanks for agreeing with me Svadhistana :D (what is your name btw? sorry if I missed it on a previous post)

Chrisi...I'm clueless...where are your kids pictures? Is it another thread on the CL boards?

Debbie...your kids are adorable!

I'll try to post a recent pic of my girls here...
Ok, that didn't work...here is our web page...

http://www.geocities.com/ourthreegirls2002

Jennifer

[Laura]

Oh my gosh, all of your children are so cute. Jennifer, I love your girls' curls. I always hoped that Paige would have hair like that, instead she got it just in the front which drives her up the wall.

[luv2run]

Chrisi, My grandfather died a few weeks ago. He lived with my mother so there was not much choice about telling our children. Despite their fairly young ages, they handled it beautifully. We took them to both the wake and funeral and I was amazed at the adult-like questions they asked and the way they worked through their grief, just like we did. Sorry about your kitty. Emily is at that age where they are quite fascinated with the notion of Heaven. She's a bit younger than Lukas (he's almost 6).

Jennifer, I can't imagine bedtime at your house--haha!! You're either insanely organized or very laid back! Your daughters are darling!

I agree with the shopping cart issue. I just wish mine still wanted to ride and not walk!!


BTW, a weekly thread sounds great. I'll be out of touch for the next week but I'll check back in around 7/8.

This thread was a great idea. You guys are starting to feel like my friends!

Debbie :cool:

[leightx]

Jennifer - I know what you mean - I regularly see 6 year olds (or maybe older??) riding around in these - with no other kids!!! My biggest question though, is why on earth would the moms want to push one of these monsters around if they didn't absolutely have to?? I am forever running into aisles and people with those carts. Our HEB (grocery store) has recently added some bench style carts - they have a yellow bench that seats 2 kids (and has 2 seatbelts). They are so much easier to maneuver for some reason. I stalk people that have the bench carts as they're loading up their groceries... And our Target only has 2 (!!!) of the 3 seater carts - what on earth where they thinking ?!??! I usually have to plop one kid in the back of the basket and the other in the seat, which is oh-so-enjoyable. And your girls are so darned cute! I love the "Group hug" picture!!

Debbie - I love the picture of your kiddos!

Chrisi - I wanna see your pictures too! Where are they? Sorry to hear about your kitty - I'm dreading the day we have to do this for our dog (he's 8 now, so I'm hoping we still have a while). Still, the older the kids are, the worse it will be I'm sure :( I know what you mean about this "girly" stage - except I'm worried my son is getting into it too! :eek: He's almost 2, and everytime I wear makeup (which is about 1 time a week, if that), they both come running in asking for some powder or lipstick. He also wants hair spray if I use it. And they both put their deoderant on in the morning when I do (they have an empty stick of it - and they put it behind their ears and on their neck for some bizarre reason :confused: ). He also wants his toenails painted when I paint mine and Abby's. I usually take a little swipe at them with the pink polish (not enough to see) and he's satisfied. Poor guy! Boys just don't get to have much fun!!

We haven't gotten into the American Girl dolls yet (although my mom has been dying to buy her one of those Bitty Babies - I just don't think she needs another baby doll). But I'm a sucker and I'm sure we will when she's a little older. If it keeps her less interested in Barbie, I'm all for it.

Beacooker - very close to there, in Boerne (pronounced "Bernie"). Have you been there? Very similar to New Braunfels, but a little smaller. It's about 30 min. west of there I think, on 46 (?? not sure of that though). It's 15 min. north of San Ant. on I-10 though. And it's my in-laws that live there - FIL is a priest at the Episcopal church in Boerne, which is the coolest old stone church built in the 1800's or early 1900's. I love my in-laws, but just think I'd go nuts living that close to them.

I don't have any idea how to post pictures, but here's our website. These are my scrapbook pages, but I haven't updated the pictures in almost a year now! Need to get that new scanner first!
http://cirrus.spaceports.com/~browns/scrapbook.htm

Leigh
Abby (almost 3)
Travis (almost 2)

[BlueMoose]

The pictures are on the We're cooking now website, an MSN community. YOu have to email or pm lindrusso to get an invitation to it. (It's a very exclusive group....you have to have an email address to get in;) ). It's a website that members of the CL BB can go to when this BB crashes:eek: .

Leigh and Jennifer, your kids are adorable!:)

Debbie, sorry about your grandfather:( .

[Svadhisthana]

Originally posted by ourthreegirls
Thanks for agreeing with me Svadhistana :D (what is your name btw? sorry if I missed it on a previous post)




Nope, I don't think my name is in a previous post. It's Crystal.



Kaitlin (4)
Caleb (3)

[Susan]

What CUTE kiddos you all have!

I am amazed at how llllllloooooonnnnnggggggg this thread is! I am such a slow typist that I am in awe of the length of these responses too! Wow!

I am taking a break from packing at the moment. This has been one BUSY week! We are leaving tomorrow for a week-long visit with both sets of grandparents and one great grandmother.

Funny that the shopping cart issue came up here cause I was just thinking about that today! While running errands (sans children!), I saw a mom with a three-seater cart and ONE elementary school aged child and was shocked! This is the first time I've seen this so I just stared unbelievingly at them. I only have two children but these carts are the only way I can take my girls (both under 3 years old) to the grocery store with me. Our grocery store and the Target we go to always seem to have an abundance of the larger carts so I've never had a problem getting one, but I would hate to think that this is a trend starting!

Well, I better resume packing...

Have a wonderful week everyone! Happy 4th of July!!!!

~Susan~
dd1= almost 3
dd2= almost 2

[lhall]

I have to agree, why would anyone want to push those extra long carts around a store! They are very hard to maneuver. One other mom at daycare will use one of those with one child. I only use them when we have both kids. Fortunately our grocery store has 4 with the bench so they've never not had one when I needed one.

Ginger is 4 and has ONE barbie. She got it when se was 1 (I didn't know it was coming). She also has Barbie Uno, a Barbie artset, and a Barbie CD-ROM (Daddy caved). I really try to avoid it, and she' s happy with her one doll, which she rarely every plays with. The stuff she has is generally creative. I use the fact that she has a Barbie she never plays with as an excuse to outlaw it to all friend/relatives as gifs. I don't mind the princesses, but we don't talk about the 'prince coming to rescue the princess' part! She's still a little young for the American Girl stuff. I personally only played with barbie for a couple of years and wasn't big into dolls either. She has some makeup (suprise from Grammie & Gramps ARGH!) that she's totally forgotten about. Every once in a while we do nailpolish, but that's about it!

Leigh
Mom to Ginger 4 and Mariel 18M

[ourthreegirls]

Debbie...uuuhhh...I don't think "insanely organized" even comes close to describing me lol. I AM pretty scheduled throughout the day - I have to be. But organized...NOOOOOOOO:D I am, however, very laidback...I have to be or would have been in the looney bin a long time ago....

As far as the carts go, maybe I should talk to the manager about getting some more. Both places I go that have them only have 2 or 3 (Kroger and Target) and they are 9 times out of 10 unavailable! I should say I don't usually take my kids with me to do my weekly grocery shopping - I would never get anything done! But I try to take my kids out somewhere every day during the week, and with 3 such small children, my options are pretty limited. And I LOVE Target, so we usually end up there at least once a week.

Chrisi...I'm gonna try to get into this "exclusive" group :D I have TWO email addresses...does that make me a shoe-in?....

Hope everyone is having a good weekend!

Jennifer

[lindrusso]

Hi everyone. I just thought I'd explain a little more about the We're Cooking Now site for those who are interested.

We set this up as a place where we can meet when the CL boards are down. It also has a place to post photos and a place to chat live. I set it up as a private site so that only CL members can join with permission. I'm one of those paranoid people who don't like to post pictures where anyone at all can see them. :)

If you'd like to join this site, just go to http://groups.msn.com/werecookingnow . You can apply to join and I will activate your membership. We used to try to get together and chat over there, but I don't know if that happens much anymore. If you'd like, you can use that place to have mommy chats!

[Svadhisthana]

Originally posted by lindrusso
I set it up as a private site so that only CL members can join with permission. I'm one of those paranoid people who don't like to post pictures where anyone at all can see them. :)


I know what you mean, now if only I could figure out how to post them!





Crystal
Kaitlin (4)
Caleb (3)

[BlueMoose]

Originally posted by lindrusso
Hi everyone. I just thought I'd explain a little more about the We're Cooking Now site for those who are interested.

If you'd like, you can use that place to have mommy chats!

I was thinking the same thing! That would be fun!:)

DD is already in trouble this morning:mad: . She's being a pill, and she shoved her little brother off of the couch and isn't smart enough to lie about it yet:rolleyes: . So she's having priveledges suspended big time. DS is being super clingy today (and yesterday). Is it possible for an umbilical cord to grow back? Plus DH is being a pain today (I guess the 13 hours of sleep last night wasn't enough for him).

Enough complaining...maybe it will only get better from here.;)

Chrisi:)

[lindrusso]

Originally posted by BlueMoose
Enough complaining...maybe it will only get better from here.;)

Chrisi:)

Hope your day is going better! I was hoping to sleep in a little bit today (my boys are old enough to play by themselves while DH and I snooze a bit), but was woken up at 7:30 (not really all THAT early, but an hour earlier than I had hoped) by fighting. It's amazing how they don't do this on a day when I need to get up anyway, but instead save it for mornings where I could lounge around a bit!! Sigh.....

It's a mellow day here. It's hot and humid outside, so I'm staying cool inside, working on my scrapbook. I have over 6 rolls of film to crop and paste and.... :o :o !