View Full Version : Obnoxious Houseguest (venting)

04-14-2003, 04:45 AM
OK, I need to vent.

I have a house. I also have several (clean) cats, some of whom are in the spring shedding cycle. I also have a Labrador Retriever dog. I also work full time and don't have a cleaning service (I'm working on that, actually.) I also was sick off and on since the beginning of February (that horrid stomach bug, and then it turns out that my ulcer was acting up. Things are better now.)

A friend was laid off and is job-hunting. I've had her to visit before, and this past week I invited her to a quilt show near my house. I thought it would be relaxing for her.

My housemate and I both work full time and both haven't felt that great, so the place was untidy. The guest was supposed to arrive late Friday afternoon, so Housemate (HM) thought there would be time to do some last minute sweeping, and change the sheets on the bed, etc.

The guest showed up early.

She came inside, went up to the bathroom. HM went to get a dustpan to do some sweeping in the guest room, and just then the guest called, "Do you have a dustpan? The bathroom floor's a little cruddy!"

I got home, greeted guest and said, "I'm sorry for the untidiness. We've been under the weather for a month, and though we're much better, we weren't able to clean as usual. Since you're a friend, we thought you'd be OK with that."

Now understand: the place is untidy - books out, magazines on the magazine racks, some things not put away - but it is not dirty. Dishes are clean, countertops are clean, utensils and cooking supplies are clean, the bathroom (aside from the 'cruddy' floor - which isn't usual) is clean.

Anyhow, she continued to make remarks. At one point she handed me a box with a pair of earrings that was to be sent to another friend, put a charm bracelet inside that I'd showed her, and said, "You leave things lying around..."

When HM was frying up sausage and was looking for a spatula, the guest said, "You know, if you'd clean in here, you'd be able to find things."

One of my cats has a habit of jumping on the table when we're trying to eat. He gets put on the floor, but it takes repetition.

The guest said, "I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but my mother would never want to stay here. She judges people on their tidiness, and she'd never put up with a cat that jumps on the table."

I stared at her, HM got up, and went into the kitchen and started banging things around. I guess my stare must have got through, as well as my saying (between my teeth) "It's a good thing she isn't invited here, isn't it?" My guest said, "Well the rest of the family isn't so bad. But Mom is funny about things."

HM slammed more pots and pans.

I went outside to check on some things in the yard, and my guest came up to me with a piece of lawn ornament that had been hidden by the melting snow until recently. "You need to pick these things up as they come up," she said.

I took it and threw it out. I also told her that I would lead her to the best place to buy gas, and suggested that she might wish to leave soon (I did it nicely; we wanted to go to church, as she knew).

Please take my word for it that my place isn't dirty. It was untidy, and there were reasons for that, but on a bigger point of view, unless the situation is life-threatening, isn't a guest supposed to put up and shut up? Was she ill-bred?

I'll tell you one thing: she is never invited here again, whether or not I'm up to straightening!

So tell me, am I being unreasonable, or was she horribly rude?

04-14-2003, 04:59 AM
Oh my gosh! She was so rude! Even if she thought your house was a total pigsty, it was rude of her to make the comments she did. If I stayed at a really close friends house and I thought it was a mess, I MIGHT make a joking comment, but probably not. We also have 2 cats that jump on the dining room table sometimes. One just sort of oozes over towards your plate. It's funny, you never see him move, but suddenly he is right there. The other pays no attention to your food, he finds a place to lay and just looks around from person to person like he's a part of the dinner conversation. And we do keep repeatedly putting them down, but sometimes, you get lazy and just ignore them!

04-14-2003, 04:59 AM
Oh, what an experience! Just reading your story got my blood boiling... I don't think you're out of line at ALL for suggesting politely that she stay somewhere else. I for one would not be able to take her side-comments and remarks.

People should not be expected to live in a perfectly organized and pain-stakingly tidy place if they live lives outside of the home too. I'm just glad for you that you have the mind not to have her back...


04-14-2003, 05:09 AM
yes, she was rude. R-U-D-E. rude. ugh!! what is wrong with people?

04-14-2003, 06:05 AM
Reminds me of a situation when DD's bf was invited up to the cottage for a weekend. DD's bf constantly made comments (negative) about everything. My grandfather finally said to him "if you're not cooking, shut up." (My grandfather is usually pretty reserved!)

Wow, that houseguest was incredibly rude. When we've been allowed to stay in people's homes, I have NEVER commented on the cleanliness, or the mattress (I've slept on some pretty lumpy mattresses that should have been landfilled sometime in the last century) or the food. If someone is taking the time to cook for me/us, I'm certainly not going to comment!

04-14-2003, 06:12 AM
My god, how rude of her. How insulting to you and your HM. I would be mortified and well and truly p1ssed. I don't know how you kept your calm for so long. I would of given her a piece of my mind very quickly.

04-14-2003, 06:14 AM
You are NOT overreacting. It is never, ever polite to criticize a gift, particularly the gift of hospitality.

04-14-2003, 07:40 AM
Wow! How unbelievable? It floors me that she thinks she can come into YOUR house, where you were graciously letting her stay, and tell you how to live your life and how to run things in YOUR house. So incredibly rude! Do people not think before they speak? Diana, you were not out of line at all.

04-14-2003, 09:13 AM
Sheesh! I can come up with a couple of reasons as to why she was laid off!

04-14-2003, 09:22 AM
Originally posted by Laura
Sheesh! I can come up with a couple of reasons as to why she was laid off!

No kidding! She was definitely out-of-line.

04-14-2003, 10:59 AM
I agree, she was rude. You apologized up front, she was early and the only thing she should have said was made an offer to spend a little time helping your straighten up before you went to the quilt show, and even that would need to be done tactfully, as an offer to help in the same spirit of friendship you were extending to her, not a criticism of the state of your home. If it was your choice to enjoy her visit and get caught up later, she should accept that and keep her mouth shut.

Wendy w
04-14-2003, 01:37 PM
The nerve.:eek: :mad: I have one word for this: cojones. :rolleyes:

04-14-2003, 03:13 PM
Diana, I'm so sorry that what should have been a pleasant visit went sour like that - what horrible behavior on her part. I think you're wise not to have her in your home again - you owe it to yourself and your HM.

04-14-2003, 03:49 PM
Oh, my goodness, Diana, this person is a friend? Who says those things to a friend? Something tells me you didn't lecture her on tact, even though she acted as deficient in that as your and HM's illnesses may have made you with tidiness lately. I don't think you're overreacting at all. However your friend might normally act, during this visit it sounds like she was a total clod.


04-14-2003, 04:25 PM
IMHO, those are the kind of friends that arent worth the time!

04-14-2003, 04:36 PM
I live in your type of house...clutter but clean under the clutter...very clean kitchen....lots of newspapers ...books and the like lying around and even some unfolded laundry on the couch....

Was this really a friend of yours? I had a friend who used to be catty just like this. My mother-in-law made me some terry cloth dish rags out of some extra fabric she had and this friend told another friend at Christmas, who was wondering what to get me for Christmas...She told her..."Get her some dish rags and towels...she used wash rags from the bathroom to do her dishes." I was so MAD!

Nedless to say, I vacumed this "Good Friend" Right out of my life...I figured her loss ...not mine! And you should do the same. I wouldn't waste another negative thought on this person...She isn't worth the time, trouble r the angst she is putting you through!

04-15-2003, 02:40 PM
Wow! I could understand her saying something if she tripped over it in the dark or if your cat licked her plate, but my goodness... has she any tact?

I'm surprised you told her where the gas station was and not the local Super 8! :rolleyes: Seriously, your decision not to invite her back was wise for YOUR benefit- who needs that undue stress? And for goodness sake, NEVER invite her mother!

04-15-2003, 02:58 PM
We have a freind who won't let us into her house until we've taken our shoes off outside. I don't mind taking them off once I'm inside, but I really don't care for standing outside in stocking feet. We respect her house rules and say nothing, but as a result we don't spend time ar her house either.

04-15-2003, 09:12 PM
Originally posted by DmOrtega
We have a freind who won't let us into her house until we've taken our shoes off outside. I don't mind taking them off once I'm inside, but I really don't care for standing outside in stocking feet.

My SIL(my brother's wife) is JUST like this! She is an O/C neat freak (no offense if anyone else here is :D )...and literally makes us take our shoes off when we go to their house (which isn't that often I might add). She even cringes when my kids walk around with their shoes on (they are only 3 and 2)...but has yet to say anything directly to me about taking their shoes off. Anyway Diana, sorry to get off the beaten track, but YES that was horribly ill-mannered! I can't add much to what everyone else said other than to nod my head in agreement....;)