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maizeyoats
05-08-2003, 08:04 PM
Converstation w/ a Child....


A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the
stranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've
heard
that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with
your
fellow
passenger."

Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and
said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear physics?"

"OK," said Little Johnny. "That could be an interesting topic. But
let
me ask you a question first. "A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat
grass.

The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow
turns
out
a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you
suppose that is?"

"Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea."

"Well, then," said Little Johnny, "How is it that you feel
qualified
to discuss nuclear physics when you don't know s*h*i*t?"

sneezles
05-08-2003, 08:14 PM
LOL!!! That is something I have always wondered about myself...the poop thing, that is! ;)

Here's one:


A woman, calling a local hospital, said, "Hello, I'd like to talk with the person who gives the information regarding your patients. I'd
like to find out if the patient is getting better, or doing as expected, or is getting worse". The voice on the other end of the line said, "What is the patient's name and room number?" She said, "Sarah Finkel, in room 302." "I will connect you with the nursing station." "3-A Nursing Station. How can I help You?" "I would like to know the condition of Sarah Finkel in room 302"

"Just a moment. Let me look at her records. Oh, yes. Mrs. Finkel is
doing very well. In fact, she's had two full meals, her blood pressure is fine, to be taken off the heart monitor in a couple of hours and if she continues this improvement, Dr. Cohen is going to send her home Tuesday at twelve o'clock." The woman said, "Thank God! That's wonderful! Oh, that's fantastic ... that's wonderful news!" The nurse said, "From your enthusiasm, I take it you must be a close family member or a very close friend!"

"Not exactly, I'm Sarah Finkel in 302! Nobody here tells me s*h*i*t!"

funnybone
05-08-2003, 08:18 PM
Those are both great! Thanks for the laugh! :D

maizeyoats
05-09-2003, 06:30 AM
WHY WOMEN ARE SO COOL:

- We got off the Titanic first.
- We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
- Taxis stop for us.
- We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
- No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival The Speedo.
- We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
- If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
- We have the ability to dress ourselves.
- We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear.
- We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
- If we marry someone 30 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.
- There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
- We'll never regret piercing our ears.
- We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
- We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence, because they aren't listening anyway

Peggy C.
05-09-2003, 10:27 AM
14 Things PMS Stands For:
>>
>>
>>1. Pass My Shotgun
>>
>>2. Psychotic Mood Shift
>>
>>3. Perpetual Munching Spree
>>
>>4. Puffy Mid-Section
>>
>>5. People Make me Sick
>>
>>6. Provide Me Sweets
>>
>>7. Pardon My Sobbing
>>
>>8. Pimples May Surface
>>
>>9. Pass My Sweatpants
>>
>>10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
>>
>>11. Plainly, Men Suck
>>
>>12. Pack My Stuff
>>
>>13. Permanent Menstrual Syndrome
>>
>>..and my favorite one...
>>
>>14. Potential Murder Suspect

Wendy w
05-09-2003, 10:42 AM
LOL! Good ones! Here are a couple that my big sis sent me this morning.

There is a new study out about women and how they feel about their a$$. I thought the results were pretty interesting.
85% of women think their a$$ is too big...
10% of women think their a$$ is too little...
The other 5% say that they don't care - they love him and would have married him anyway.

A Prayer:
May the fleas of a thousand Afghan camels infest the crotch of the person
who messes up your day, and may their arms be too short to scratch.....
Amen.


:p :p :D Happy Friday! Now I've gotta get some work done. :rolleyes:

Peggy
05-09-2003, 12:26 PM
You guys are really making me laugh this morning!! Thank you for putting a smile on my face!:D

Peggy