--and DON'T come back!

[Gail]

It's that time of year. Topics recycle madly and we all start yearning for summer and something new. And though this may or may not be a recycled topic (I couldn't find anything in a search) I figured I'd poll you all for opinions.

Recently, a friend and I were discussing the subject of weekend guests and she mentioned how strange she'd thought it was that neither of her guests made the slightest comment about any of the wonderful foods she'd served. I quickly commiserated, thinking how disappointing this can be when you've gone to so much trouble.

Then Other Odious Things started popping into my mind. Things which make me itchy and cranky and sometimes like pulling the welcome mat inside permanently. So I put it to you as a group. Which of these behaviors hits you hardest?

[greysangel]

My hugest pet peeve is lateness. Not just when I'm expecting guests in my home, but when I'm meeting friends out. To me it is like telling me that my time is of no consequence.

If you are going to be late...CALL/EMAIL ...something!

grr. argh.

jeAnne

[funnybone]

Okay, so I voted other. None of the things you posted really don't bother me. However, what I have been irked by most in the past is a friend who says that she can't eat somthing in particular due to a certain restricted diet she is on (for medical reasons). So, I go out of my way to prepare something different for her and I (so she won't feel alone). I prepare what she can't eat for the DH's as they still can eat the food. Then she ends up picking at her DH's plate anyway. To me, if you can't eat if, you CAN'T eat it - no nibbling or grazing allowed. :mad: This used to happen when we lived close by, so it's not an issue any longer (until she comes and visits :eek: :rolleyes: )

[LaraW]

I voted guests who show up early. I am usually working on getting things ready up until the moment people get to my home, and when people show up early, it throws me off. Sometimes I am standing in my bedroom in my underwear because I am in the midst of changing clothes, and the doorbell rings. Other times I have run to the store 1/2 an hour before people are supposed to show up, and when I get home, my guests are sitting in their car waiting for me.

[gertdog]

Early guests make me feel a bit stressed, but it doesn't bother me unless they are waaaaay early.
Late guests, if they call, usually aren't a problem. My chronically late friends simply get food that can't be ruined by standing for a bit.
Guests who add ketchup or otherwise ruin your creations doesn't bother me
Guests who don't eat doesn't bother me unless they sit there and TALK about not eating. One person I know always takes the tiniest portion of everything, commenting on how each that even the little she's taking is just too much, then commenting while she eats, then leaving half of everything on her plate and announcing "I'm stuffed."
Guests who don't thank you I can't recall if this has ever happened to me.
Guests who won't tell you your food was good You mean if they refuse to offer any compliments at all, ever? This is the territory of MILs and competitive friends, methinks. I have a few of those myself but I've stopped letting it bother me.
Guests who insist on helping AAAAAARGH! This is the one. I have some friends who are great kitchen helpers- they know how to use a knife, share a workspace, and ask before doing stuff. But there are some who make me want to cry- tasting, salting, bustling about opening drawers. Once I was making a dish with green beans. They were supposed to be whole. I turned around and my guest was chopping them into pieces, without even asking what I planned to do with them. Grrrrr. I think it's wonderful when people offer to help, but if I say a polite no thank you I feel they should respect that. Phew! Thanks Gail for letting me get that off my chest. :p
Guests who never offer to help Eh- not a problem. An offer is nice but if I've invited them I'm happy to see them relax and enjoy themsleves.
Guests who never offer to bring anything This is okay with me.

[Canice]

Gail, I think that's the funniest title of any thread I've ever seen! :p :p


I voted "guests who insist upon helping" and thought I'd be the only one - but it's got the most votes so far! (OK, 3 :rolleyes: ). In the same vein, I don't like it when people bring food to a small dinner party after having been told, "No, no need to bring a thing." My mother always said never to show up empty-handed, but that's the idea behind the hostess gift, right?

[Little Bit]

In the 'Odious other' category, guests who go to a lot of trouble to tell you how excited they are to be coming, how much they look forward to it all, and then who flake out completely and don't show up or even call, and wonder loudly for the rest of time why you're annoyed at their lack of consideration.

Directly food related, though, I'd say guests who season their food without tasting it first irk me to the nth degree. And adding ketchup and/or hot sauce, no matter what? urgh.

I knew a girl at summer camp who'd add tons of ketchup and black pepper to everything she ate, well almost. I've pretty much blocked out the memory of sharing a table with her for a week. bleah!

[Nancy171]

It's no fun to be a host when the couple you're entertaining announces that she's vegan and he's on Atkins. I mean, what do you feed these people short of making two separate things? :confused: How do they eat at home? :confused:

[aggie94]

I had to vote "late." Nothing bothers me more than tardiness, whether it's dinner guests at my house, meeting people out, someone coming to pick me up, whatever. If they call, I have no problem at all. It's the ones that don't call, don't email, and are chronically late for everything they do in life that drive me nuts. :o

[AvrilH]

LATENESS!

My mother, bless her soul - I mean, she taught me to cook! - is always, always really late. It is sooooooooo aggravating. The stories of her lateness go on forever.

In response, my brother and I are both totally freaky about being on time (ask my kids when they are dawdling in the morning about FREAKY :))........ So anyone who is late, especially when I am cooking and slaving and timing things to the nth degree, that just drives me crazy!

I good example happened when I was expecting 3 friends for dinner. They are all single, and one was in town with his buddies for abig party weekend. They were to bring apps. They were expected at 7. They arrived at 8, with a frozen shrimp ring in hand. Harumph. I had put the lasagna in at 7:30, and it was actually a good thing, as we had nothing to tide us over if I had left it waiting until they arrived.

[mrswaz]

I voted for Other...

My biggest pet peeve with dinner guests is People who don't teach/enforce manners to/with their kids.

Maybe this is one of those old-fashioned things I picked up from my mother, but their is nothing worse than inviting another family over for dinner and a child of your friend asks very rudely "Isn't there anything else to eat? I don't like that" or refuses to eat dinner, and then helps themselves to 3 portions of dessert (when you've planned carefully in advance). Once I had a mother ask me if I had any hot dogs or chicken nuggets for their kids, because they didn't eat much else. This would have been fine, if she said something in advance, I could have prepared a "kid's menu" but when we sit down to dinner??? (They don't come around anymore...)

[Alethea]

Great poll.

The things that drive me up the wall are:

Lateness. This bugs the cr*p out of me in general. If people call, it's generally not a problem. But I'm a little bit persnickety about when people call. I have friends that live 1.5 hours away. They've learned to call, but they tend to call when they're already 1+ hours overdue, and not yet heading out the door. Clearly, they could call earlier.:rolleyes:

Bringing uninvited guests!

Finally, feeding my pets without asking my permission.

[Ohioan]

I was torn here.

1. The lateness problem finally won, because it's happened most often and caused parts of carefully timed dinners to overcook. But running close seconds are...

2. The ones who won't eat. (Only my mother and someone's 8-year-old have ever done this.) If you don't want to eat, don't accept a dinner invitation, and if I've made everything you hate, why didn't you tell me what you couldn't or wouldn't eat so I could have avoided it? :mad:

3. The ones who won't say anything good about the food. Surely there must be something that wasn't awful. And the stoic silence implies that they could say many bad things if they weren't trying to be polite. Which brings me to...

4. Obligatory other: The ones who actually complain about the food -- either explicitly ("oh, this is much too salty / spicy / overcooked / tough," etc.) or implicitly ("when I make this, I usually use more garlic / a different cut of meat / a splash of tomato sauce," etc.) Come to think of it, maybe I should have put this one first. It's actually the one that made me stop cooking for my mother. :rolleyes:

Noncheers, :p
Phoebe

[claire797]

None of these things bother me. I am always so happy just to have guests.

[lhall]

I voted other. Those things don't really bother me. I've gotten used to lateness, most of my friends from college are not very punctual.

I'd have to agree with Mrswaz about kids and manners. I try to make sure I accomodate other kids tasts as I'm aware that my kids eat very well. I'd be very upset to get that attitude from a child I'd invited over to eat.

Leigh

[stefania4]

People who bring uninvited/unannounced guests - when I invite people over for dinner, I have made sure I have enough matching plates and glasses, and room at the table - never mind enough food - for everyone. I do not appreciate "Hey, Steph, I knew you wouldn't mind if I brought my friend X here." What made you think that??? This is a dinner party, not a frat party with a keg and 600 plastic cups. I will smile and seat them, but that guest will not be asked back.

Can I have that grilled instead of baked? And the sauce on the side, without the garlic? You didn't put sugar on those strawberries already, did you? I will gladly accommodate food allergies and religious food restrictions and just plain old preferences. I am not a short-order cook - if you are keeping a kosher macrobiotic diet and hate 18 vegetables and all spices except paprika, tell me. I will take you to a movie instead of subjecting you to dinner at my house.

That said, I've only had each of these situations happen once, but they were infuriating enough to mention! Generally my dinner guests are a happy sociable lot, respectful of the fact that they are in someone's home and generally appreciative that I have asked in advance about food allergies and religious restrictions.

[stefania4]

Originally posted by gertdog
Guests who don't eat doesn't bother me unless they sit there and TALK about not eating. One person I know always takes the tiniest portion of everything, commenting on how each that even the little she's taking is just too much, then commenting while she eats, then leaving half of everything on her plate and announcing "I'm stuffed."
Gert, did you ever read CS Lewis' "The Screwtape Letters"? That exact scenario is in there as an example of gluttony (specifically Attention Gluttony).

[wallycat]

I didn't vote yet, but I'd have to side with
BEING LATE as a pet peeve ....though it has to be quite late before I get upset.
Then someone posted about ill-mannered kids...and that too is a pet peeve....especially when they have dirty shoes and are climbing on top of your $400 CLOTH chairs (and you simply and GENTLY pick them up and ask if they'd please take their shoes off before climbing...and they throw a temper tantrum on your living room floor--and the MOTHER looks at you like it's YOUR fault and says.."..she's just not USED TO being talked to like that!!" :eek: ).
But the time my dearest friend, amongst a group of people, bellowed out "..are these apples OK to eat or are they poison.." because she is a FANATIC for eating organic food and I am not, I think took the cake.

Is it any wonder my nick-name is "mole?"

[scout1222]

I picked "other".

I'm throwing my hat in with those who've said guests who are a no-show.

If you flake out, at least let me KNOW! Don't make me wonder where you are. Especially if you don't even let me know in the following days. Are you dead? In the hospital? Or did you just decide you were too dang busy???

[Leisa M]

Kids who can't behave. I don't have kids so my house is not "Kid friendly". When someone comes over with kids, and I tell them "No, please don't do that", I expect the parents to back me up. So I voted Other:) :rolleyes:

[jellyben]

Originally posted by Leisa M
Kids who can't behave. I don't have kids so my house is not "Kid friendly". When someone comes over with kids, and I tell them "No, please don't do that", I expect the parents to back me up. So I voted Other:) :rolleyes:

One of the most nerve racking things for me as a parent is to go to the home of someone with no/older kids because I am so paranoid about them breaking/spilling something!! To be honest i would rather stay home! I am very conscientious about how they behave, and I have never had a major incident, I agree with you that you make the rules in your home, and I am amazed(even as a mom) at what other parents will let their kids get away with. I have asked a hostess if I could bring something for my kids to eat. That way she wouldn't have to prepare something special and I don't have to deal with the ramifications of trying to get a 3yo to eat wasabi salmon.

My biggest pet peeve is lateness. What have we come to that someone would even consider being 2 hours late to Thanksgiving dinner?!?!

[Gail]

No shows? Horrible children? Individual meal requests? Gee. I guess I should consider myself Very Fortunate, having only had to deal with a mother who occasionally shows up early and one set of guests who showed up for Christmas Dinner after stopping at So-and-so's house who insisted they eat.

[sunberst]

arriving early sends me into sheer panic. it stresses me out. especially when they come into the kitchen & watch me cook! i feel so unprepared. that is always why i have appetizers in case they arrive early. anything more than 20 minutes early drives me nuts!

[Vicanddi]

I don't mind people showing up a little early, or those who offer to help, as I could usually use some, but it bothers me when no one comments on the food. It makes me wonder if they didn't like the food and just didn't have anything good to say, so remained quiet! :confused:

[HRJ]

Originally posted by stefania4
People who bring uninvited/unannounced guests - when I invite people over for dinner, I have made sure I have enough matching plates and glasses, and room at the table - never mind enough food - for everyone. I do not appreciate "Hey, Steph, I knew you wouldn't mind if I brought my friend X here." What made you think that??? This is a dinner party, not a frat party with a keg and 600 plastic cups. I will smile and seat them, but that guest will not be asked back.



OK -- this reminds me of one of my very favorite episodes of my very favorite TV show, The Mary Tyler Moore Show. Does anyone else remember the "Veal Prince Orloff" episode -- Mary plans a fancy dinner party for a visiting Congresswoman, with exactly enough seating and food for six people -- and Rhoda shows up with an uninvited date (who, BTW, was played by a very young, pre-Fonzie Henry Winkler).

The date has to go eat alone at a little table near the door. Then, Mr. Grant takes three servings of Veal Prince Orloff -- well, take my word for it, it's very amusing. :D

OK, back to your regularly scheduled thread ....


Helene

[Beth]

I voted other, because I can forgive most anything that falls into the other categories -- at least once or twice, but I would not be understanding about a no-show without explanation. But the one thing that will drive me straight up a wall faster than anything else is someone who cannot eat with their mouth closed or without smacking. Mouth noises and seeing chewed food are the one thing I cannot deal with.

[britneyelise]

SInce I don't really have to deal with lateness or things of that sort since I am usually just cooking for a bunch of family members that decide to show up (I don't really bother cooking for my friends who consider McDonald's gourmet), I put my vote into the ketchup category, although I don't necissarily mean ketchup. I can't stand when people add salt or some other condiment to something they haven't taste yet! Or otherwise just look at something and go "Oh I wont like that, I can just tell", even if it doesn't have a single thing they dislike/allergic too. A close second is the no "thanks for the meal"....

[Canice]

Helene, I soooo remember that episode! I remember it being awfully funny, but also a little bit painful to watch (a little too close to real life :rolleyes: ).


Originally posted by Vicanddi
I don't mind people showing up a little early, or those who offer to help, as I could usually use some, but it bothers me when no one comments on the food. It makes me wonder if they didn't like the food and just didn't have anything good to say, so remained quiet! :confused:

I feel compelled to comment on this issue, too. Fortunately, my close friends truly are very gracious and always comment on how delicious things are, even when they aren't. I am very old-fashioned in this way; I think that if someone has taken the thought, time, and effort to prepare a meal for me, it almost automatically gets "delicious" status. Anyhow, I have a group of friends (folks I used to work with) who get together twice a year or so for dinner. One of them is a fantastic cook and always prepares a very nice, labor-intensive dinner and sets a beautiful table. After drinks and cheese and chatting, we get to the table, and --every single time-- people don't say a WORD about the lovely dinner! I truly do not believe they don't like it or are competitive: I think (and keep in mind that this is a group of 8-10 laughing, chatting, friends) that they are A- More focused on the chatting and visiting than on food, and B- Oblivious to the amount of work that went into the meal. I know for a fact that I am the only other member of this group who cooks. I often will interrupt them by shouting (in a totally laughing, good-natured way of course) "OK, Everyone - be quiet a second! I have something important to say!!" They've given up thinking I'm announcing an impending marriage. Instead, I say to the host, "Pete, this (xx) is AWESOME!" I think even just half a minute for everyone to say, "Yea! Thanks!" is in order. :o Sorry if that sounds preachy or bossy.

[CompassRose]

Gotta be "other". Though I must confess the "unruly child" would very often fall into that category. (Alas, we have children -- related to us -- who practically define the breed.)

I think "displaying one's bright scarlet neck at our table" would probably be a very good way to be given a cold good-night sans dessert. Male chauvinist piggery would work too.

Earliness: Makes me kinda edgy, but I just send A. off to entertain them in the livingroom and offer beverages. If, indeed, I am bathed and dressed by that point. ;)
Lateness: If I condemned anyone for lateness, the Hand of Karma would descend and blast me to a pile of ash. I am chronically, horribly, unforgivably tardy, very nearly always.
Ketchup: If they are desperate enough to bring ketchup in their pockets, go for it. I don't think we, er, have any. At the moment, anyway.
Not eatin': This is also me, at times. Eat what you want. If you like whatever you DO eat, I'm happy. I also quiz prospective guests pretty intensively about likes, dislikes, current fads and allergies, so there will be SOMETHING any given person can eat. I love playing with food, and fiddling things to fit requirements actually gives me great pleasure.
Not thankin': Never happened.
Not saying it was delish: Maybe I mucked up. Maybe they didn't like it. (I have, more than once, committed the Hostess Sin of experimenting upon unwitting invited victims with something brand-new. Also, didja know it used to be considered rude, according to my vintage etiquette books, to comment on the food? One assumes the food is edible, and that one is there for the joy of convivial company.
Insisting on helping: Hey, go for it! Here's the dishtowel. Sorry, I tell you what you're going to do.
Never helping: Don't expect you to. That's why I like a kitchen with a door that closes. Hate open plans.
Never offering to bring something: They're guests.

[kwormann]

Originally posted by greysangel
My hugest pet peeve is lateness. Not just when I'm expecting guests in my home, but when I'm meeting friends out. To me it is like telling me that my time is of no consequence.

If you are going to be late...CALL/EMAIL ...something!

grr. argh.

jeAnne

Ditto DITTO!!!

[HUNGRY!]

Most of these things don't bother me too much- except for being really late. The one friend who really gets to me though is the one who comes to my house for dinner with her husband and proceeds to over compliment the food- do you know what I mean? She says things like "Oh honey, look, she's peeled the potatoes, I could never do that am I a bad wife?" or "Oh, I would never have time to make homemade soup like you do" or my favorite, "Oh, honey, this is so much better than the X Y or Z I made last night". I'm not sure if she was trying to be nice or what but it got me so mad I had to stop inviting her. Now we just meet at a resturant. I voted other!


(I should say though that most of my guests are nice, fun, and on time!)

[Peggy C.]

I voted other. I have a very dear friend who is a total control freak. (ok I can be too, but hey when you're invited to my house for a party or dinner, put the reigns down just for a few hours! Please.)

Anyway when I plan meals or parties I usually go with a theme of some sort. So I'll plan all the food around that theme and when she asks to bring something I will say no thank you I have everthing covered. Then she'll grill me on it and start offering to bring things that don't go with what I thought was a very obvious theme. And after she insists on bringing whatever it is she'll want she also shows up with a bag (I kid you not) of things like caramel corn, candied peanuts, M&Ms. So these things rarely get eaten and when I'm cleaning up at the end of the night and packaging this cr@p up for her to take home she insists we keep it. Aaargh! Whew thanks for letting me get that out!

A close second would be early guests. I have one sister that is routinely an hour or more early. I've learned, I just keep some task undone that I know she can't screw up! And get her started on it right away.

[boisewinesnob]

I love all the examples given. :D

I am not bothered too much by early/late....unless super-late.
My dad salts everything before tasting :rolleyes: so I'm used to it and it doesn't bother me (too much ;) ).

Someone brought up guests talking with their mouth full; OMG! I think this one is mine too! It bothers me more when adults do it even than when kids do--they especially should know better :mad:

We have had another family over and the only thing their kids did that irked me big-time was to take their food into another room--to watch someone play a video game or whatever. Ooooh! That really bugs me. Could you please eat at the table for crying out loud!

[funnybone]

The replies sure are interesting. I can't believe some of you have actually had "no shows" :confused: Do you mean when you are having a party and expecting a group of people, of where you are expecting one couple and they bail out. I've never had that happen. I'd never invite them again - that's for sure.

[funnybone]

Originally posted by boisewinesnob
Someone brought up guests talking with their mouth full; OMG! I think this one is mine too! It bothers me more when adults do it even than when kids do--they especially should know better :mad:


LOL - I had to laugh at this one because we have a joke about how my FIL only talks at the table when there is food in his mouth.:rolleyes: :eek: DH doesn't do this and neither do his sister and brother, so his kids at least knew better. :D :p ;)

[dcornelius]

I voted guests who don't eat. All of the above mentiones are an fly in the soup and not real nice if you ask me but...

I had a few people over for dinner a couple of weeks ago and one of the guests took only a very small slice of Bourbon Marinated Flank Steak and cut it into miniscule pieces and pushed them around on his plate all evening long. These were guests who in the past have complained about a finacial situation they are in that has them eating one meal a day to save money but yet manage to buy cigarettes.

I invited them over with another person whom I was really excited to have as a guest. She was staying at their house as an invited guest and they complained the whole time she was there about how broke they were! I really only wanted to invite her but it would have been incredibly rude so I invited them as well and then he does that! THEN! I get out the home made icecream and fixin's to make a sundae bar and they both pig out!!!!!

Ok, So am I being bad here or does it seem odd to you that they would invite this girl (from out of the country) to stay with them and then complain and complain about how broke they are and eat only one meal a day and make her pay for gas and other things. Then when invited to some ones house for a nice meal, not touch a thing that was made except the icecream!!! Ok, sorry.... I needed to vent that I guess I didn't realize until this post how much that had really bothered me.

[KristinK]

I'm just waiting to have a place of my own before I even START having company, but I still want to make some comments about these...

Early guests - slight problem. It would definitely stress me out, but as long as DBF's around to entertain them as I finish up, it wouldn't be too bad.
Late guests - no problem. I'm almost always late myself (all you anti-tardiness people, don't hate me!), and most people know this about me anyway.
Guests who add ketchup or otherwise ruin your creations - not necessarily a problem. Hey, I love ketchup too. Actually, DBF actually dipped very well-seasoned SALMON in ketchup just last night. But I guess it would bother me more if it was a more formal dinner that I had spent a lot of time on, especially if the guest didn't even taste it before ruining it.
Guests who don't eat - no problem. I've been there myself. Even now, I try to accommodate picky eaters or dieters as much as possible, even if all they want is a plain salad with no dressing.
Guests who don't thank you - problem. If I put a lot of time into something, the least you can do is show me some appreciation.
Guests who won't tell you your food was good - again, slight problem. I'd be worried that it meant they didn't like it.
Guests who insist on helping - BIG PROBLEM. I am an absolute control freak. It's gotta be done my way - so you might as well stay out of the kitchen (and DBF knows this!).
Guests who never offer to help - no problem. I don't need or want your help anyway! Well, except maybe with the dishes.
Guests who never offer to bring anything - no problem. I'm sure I'd have my bases covered, unless it's for a really large party. But I still think it's polite to offer.

As for the kid issue, I love kids, and I have about 15 cousins on both sides from ages 1-30, so I'm used to having them around. And I don't really have anything that's not 'kid-friendly.' But did anyone ever see that Sex in the City episode where Charlotte and Trey have a family over and it makes them rethink their decision to have kids because the kids were such brats and the parents couldn't control them and ended up arguing themselves? Funny stuff.

At least with kids, you can understand or maybe just tolerate sub-par table manners. But adults talking with their mouths full? Disgusting. And keep your elbows off the table too :p

[AD]

This reminds me of the Mary Tyler Moore show and all the parties and gatherings Mary had. Something like this always happened to ruin it.

While I can't speak from personal experience, I can give my opinion on the issue. I would think a lot would depend on the guests. What is their relationship to the host? How well do they know each other? How many guests are there? Also, I would take into consideration the event and occasion.

As mentioned above, I really hate it when people talk with their mouths full or open their mouths while chewing. I do think it would be rude to show up late unless there was a serious emergency or someone had to drive a long distance, got stuck in unusually heavy traffic, and did not have cell phone access. However, if I were hosting such an event, I would go ahead and start whether or not all the guests were there.

I can see also how guests who insist on helping would be a pain! The host is supposed to plan and arrange everything so the guests shouldn't have to do anything. To me, that would probably be the most annoying thing for me.

The ultimately worst thing a guest could do is to bring someone else without asking the host. I don't know how often this happens to others here, but I feel that most people should know better than to do that.

Still, I can only speak from what I've seen and been told. In my life, I've never actually hosted or even been to any such event, nor do I ever care to.

[caregiver50]

What bothers me most is people who pick things out of dishes that I fix i.e. red bell pepper,mushrooms, onions, black olives. I was taught that you eat it no matter what, but some of these people will have a pile of "stuff" that they don't eat.

I also have a friend who will always turn on the Weather Channel when he comes over, even if I have nice music on. I have hidden the remote, unplugged the tv, anything. This I could understand, if a hurricane was coming orif there was a tornado warning, but he is just fixated on the Weather Channel. Go figure.

[Jessica]

Originally posted by funnybone
The replies sure are interesting. I can't believe some of you have actually had "no shows" :confused: Do you mean when you are having a party and expecting a group of people, of where you are expecting one couple and they bail out. I've never had that happen. I'd never invite them again - that's for sure.

We have had this happen once or twice, where a couple or guest has RSVPed and then not shown up, with no call or explanation. They were never invited back to our house.

Most of the things on that list don't bother me too much. I have to say that actually my sister, brother and I were pretty obnoxious children and so I don't mind picky kids as long as they aren't smashing china in the fireplace or tracking mud onto the bedspreads. Most of our friends' kids are pretty young and the parents will bring food for them.

My two pet peeves are...

People who do not understand what RSVP means on an invitation. I like to know how many people I will be feeding, and even for more formal events like showers (and my wedding) I have had to call guests and ask them if they are coming.

People who never, ever, in any way, reciprocate. I am not saying you have to have me over for dinner after every time I invite you for dinner. I love to entertain. But I am talking about people who never invite us over, never pick up a check, never bring anything to parties, etc. Maybe this is mean-spirited, but it makes me so frustrated. It's different if you are poor but it is never the ones who can't afford it--it is the ones who don't think!

Another minor peeve is people who say things like, "I never buy that brand--it's so expensive," or, "I guess you have time to do these things since you work from home."

That being said, I do love entertaining and most of our guests are gracious and fun to be around. They like my cooking and say so--even the ones who think I cook weird food. But this thread is great--I love to bi**h.

[cindyluwho]

Hmmm...it's hard for me to imagine someone doing something to make me never invite them back to my apartment, but I guess most people I know are quite nice. I suppose if someone got rowdy, that would bother me. For example, if they got drunk or tried to burn down the apartment or cause physical harm to another guest or something like that, I would be quite unlikely to invite them back. It is hard for me to imagine this happening given the people that I know! It kind of makes me laugh to even think about it. :D However, one thing that I find a little stressful is when you have a sit down party, and you have prepared for a set number of people, and someone shows up with an extra person. I would definitely still invite that person back, but I'd keep in mind that I would need to be flexible in case they decided to invite someone else along at the last minute. When people are extremely late, that can make things hard too because you don't want to start without them, but in the meantime everyone else is waiting. But I would still invite them back. In general, I guess I kind of feel like if I am inviting guests over, it is in order to show that I care about them, and it wouldn't bother me if no one complimented my cooking or something like that.

[doggerham]

I hadn't seen this one yet -- guests who, after being told they don't need to bring anything -- show up with a bottle of wine and are miffed if you don't serve it with your carefully planned meal. I truly appreciate the thought, but chances are that what you brought and what I made aren't going to match. And I've already done a lot of thinking in the pairing of food and wine.

I usually accept it gracefully and announce loud and clear how special it is, how much we appreciate their thoughfulness and how we'll save it for a special occasion, or when we're just having appetizers, or whatever.

[Leisa M]

Originally posted by Jessica


Another minor peeve is people who say things like, "I never buy that brand--it's so expensive," or, "I guess you have time to do these things since you work from home."



Ditto on this. Another peeve of mine is when my Step-mom wants to help and gets in my way instead. When at her house she says "No help needed", I leave the kitchen.

At my house she want's to help cook, she doesn't obey the "No help needed" rule. I have had to stop and say "I really don't need you help and you are in the way, please leave the kitchen":rolleyes:

[Gilgamesh37]

I can think of 3 things that immediately get you put into the “You are never stepping foot in my house again” column:

1. Being mean to my pets – I actually had a woman at a party pull my cat’s tail (hard, too, he yelped), then smile at me and confess “I just hate cats.” Well guess what, lady—he lives here and you don’t. In fact, you’re never even visiting here again.

2. Having sex in my house during a party – this was the same party, actually, and the couple were in the guest room, on top of everybody’s coats. I think it was the location that upset me more than the fact of it; no one could get at their coats to leave, and frankly, one beautiful leather jacket was, uh, rather worse for wear. (um, really, our parties aren’t usually this, uh, colorful)

3. Be rudely ungracious about my hospitality. Okay, this makes me sound like an old grump (and I’ve told this story on the board before, forgive me)—but if you are staying in my house as a guest for THREE WEEKS and you have openly admitted that you could not have afforded a hotel for so long and it is only my hospitality that is making the trip possible, then I do NOT expect to find out that you are telling folks back home that I’m a crappy housekeeper and it
is such a trial for you to put up with pet hair and my generally unsanitary ways. Grrr. I can assure you, you will be spared that “trial” in the future.

[stomkow]

I voted other...

my menus are always planned out very carefully, and when guests offer to bring something, I respond with wine (and usually say red or white)...and I have this friend who still will bring "food" which I feel obligated to serve....

It's no fun planning and making a wonderful italian meal and having to serve store bought tortillas chips and a jar of salsa next to your platter of bruschetta pomodoro, roasted peppers, expensive parmesan cheese, etc. Get the picture?

I don't get it...but she's I guess she's not a foodie...

[Sami]

I didn't vote because usually people are fine and I usually ask whether there is something they won't eat.

Last weekend I had houseguests from DE and I had made the lemon blueberry muffins from CL and the Quiche loaf from the BB, without the crust, for Sunday breakfast. H walks in, tells me he is diabetic and that he will eat plain yoghurt for breakfast. W tells me she eats not dairy. H then tells me he sleeps on the floor, not the bed. I froze all the food and will be forwarned if they ever return.

On Wednesday I had some neighbors to dinner. One couple in English. Both asked what to bring, and since I always say nothing, I decided I would not control everything. I asked the American to make a dessert and I asked the Brithish to make an appetizer. I made dinner, including soup, bread etc. In walks the British with soup and bread. My mouth dropped and she said well an appetizer is soup and bread goes with it. Thank heaven I didn't make a dessert. From now on I will keep control of the cooking.

Sami

[stefania4]

Originally posted by funnybone
I can't believe some of you have actually had "no shows" :confused: Do you mean when you are having a party and expecting a group of people, of where you are expecting one couple and they bail out.Thanksgiving, 1998. Expected # of guests - 12. Size of turkey - 16 pounds. Actual guests - five. Number of times I invited that many for a holiday dinner again - zero.

[Abbey]

I voted ketchup...although it was a toss up. I think that's what annoys me the most.
We had a very picky eater visiting us for a week last year..at Thanksgiving time. He basically eats like a kid..very bland, no onions, no mushrooms,etc. and asks "what's in this?" all the time. None of the 4 deserts that I prepared for Thanksgiving were acceptable..he had to make a boxed desert. I had to serve plain corn as one of my vegetable choices. :( He wouldn't touch the sausage stuffing (his dw said that I might need to make stove top as well.. I didn't) One other night he sat down and asked if I had any barbecue sauce..and slathered it all over his meat and then asked if anyone else wanted some. (I gave my family the hairy-eyeball that clearly said "if you say yes you die")then to top it off he insisted that he cook for us one night. UGH! He took over my kitchen, annoyed the crap out of me asking...where's this and where's that, and refused to recycle (knowing that I was continually going back to the garbage can to pull out jars and cans and rinsing them out), and then served us a very bland meal. And get this ..his dw pulled me aside to tell me to make sure to compliment him on it a lot! I told him it was good once. After he balked at everything I cooked, I was NOT going to fawn over his meal. She actually told me later that she thought he was used to more compliments than we gave him.

They are actually very old and dear friends of ours, but I hope I never have to cook for him again.

other pet peeves:

showing up more than 10 min. early (I am always running late)

children who stand up in their chair at the table while you are eating, and their parents don't seem to mind.

having one of your good friends come to dinner, serving chicken parm., and when she says "no thank you" to the chicken and you question her...she tells you that she is a vegetarian.(she was embarassed to tell people) Then you feel like a schmuck because she only has salad and bread to eat.

good friends husbands who jokes that your wonderful homemade guacamole looks like something from a babies diaper.

man...you are probably wishing that you hadn't asked! I didn't realize that I was still annoyed by these past incidents...but I feel better now that i vented! :D

[Leisa M]

Originally posted by Abbey
I voted ketchup...although it was a toss up. I think that's what annoys me the most.
We had a very picky eater visiting us for a week last year..at Thanksgiving time. He basically eats like a kid..very bland, no onions, no mushrooms,etc. and asks "what's in this?" all the time. None of the 4 deserts that I prepared for Thanksgiving were acceptable..he had to make a boxed desert. I had to serve plain corn as one of my vegetable choices. :( He wouldn't touch the sausage stuffing (his dw said that I might need to make stove top as well.. I didn't) One other night he sat down and asked if I had any barbecue sauce..and slathered it all over his meat and then asked if anyone else wanted some. (I gave my family the hairy-eyeball that clearly said "if you say yes you die")then to top it off he insisted that he cook for us one night. UGH! He took over my kitchen, annoyed the crap out of me asking...where's this and where's that, and refused to recycle (knowing that I was continually going back to the garbage can to pull out jars and cans and rinsing them out), and then served us a very bland meal. And get this ..his dw pulled me aside to tell me to make sure to compliment him on it a lot! I told him it was good once. After he balked at everything I cooked, I was NOT going to fawn over his meal. She actually told me later that she thought he was used to more compliments than we gave him.



I think I would have told DW that I would say the food was good ONCE, if she wanted to compliment more that was up to her. He is her DH, not yours!:eek:

[1MegMeg]

Originally posted by Gilgamesh37
I can think of 3 things that immediately get you put into the “You are never stepping foot in my house again” column:

1. Being mean to my pets – I actually had a woman at a party pull my cat’s tail (hard, too, he yelped), then smile at me and confess “I just hate cats.” Well guess what, lady—he lives here and you don’t. In fact, you’re never even visiting here again.

2. Having sex in my house during a party – this was the same party, actually, and the couple were in the guest room, on top of everybody’s coats. I think it was the location that upset me more than the fact of it; no one could get at their coats to leave, and frankly, one beautiful leather jacket was, uh, rather worse for wear. (um, really, our parties aren’t usually this, uh, colorful)...

You have got to be joking!!!! :eek: Number one is just plan horrible ( I will never understand how people can be mean to animals) and number 2....wow! I am speechless.

I agree with Jessica, my number one pet peeve is definitely people who do not understand what RSVP means! Especially when a stamped response card is included in the invitation. Do you think I just included it for fun, for you to set your drink glass on? Fill the freakin' thing out and send it back! Rrreh!

In the same vein...you'll make tenative plans with someone, leave it that they are supposed to get back with you after they finalize things/decide for sure, and suprise, they never get back to you. This has happened to me on a number of occasions with the same person (we are no longer friends) - well talk about getting together for dinner, she says she'll get back to me and let me know for sure, she never gets back to me. I ask her what's up and she says "Oh well I figured you would just know that I had XYZ to do". Uhh, how am I supposed to know if you don't tell me?

Great thread Gail! :D

[mrswaz]

Originally posted by 1MegMeg



In the same vein...you'll make tenative plans with someone, leave it that they are supposed to get back with you after they finalize things/decide for sure, and suprise, they never get back to you.



Even better is when you do this, and then halfway through dinner on a Saturday night we get a phone call..."so when are you guys coming over? The lasagna should be done in half an hour or so, oh, and could you please pick up a bottle of wine on your way over?"

What could we do!!?? We abandoned our dinner and had to eat again half an hour later. Next time I take charge of finalizing the plans.

[Jessica]

Originally posted by 1MegMeg
Fill the freakin' thing out and send it back!

ROTFLMAO!!

I've actually started writing on the bottom of invites and evites, "Please let us know if you plan to attend by XYZ date," and include my email and phone number. This has helped a little--someone once told me she thought RSVP meant respond if you plan to attend.

[lindrusso]

Originally posted by Sami
I didn't vote because usually people are fine and I usually ask whether there is something they won't eat.

Ditto. My guests are usually very gracious, helpful but not overbearing, etc. No big complaints here! :)

If my guests are guilty of anything it's of being a bit late, but I generally invite people over for casual affairs - rarely a sit down dinner, so lateness is not usually an issue. Most of us have kids and we only occasionally do things "adult-only" and even then it's for drinks and appetizers and we all usually pitch in and bring something. It takes a lot of pressure off by not doing a sit down dinner. We've learned to keep it easy.

All things said and done - I'd prefer them to be a bit late than early as I am usually running a bit late myself! :)

My pet peeve is with overnight guests. We have a very small house and our guests sleep in our living room. I realize that this is inconvenient and not-so-comfortable for them, but it is also inconvenient for us as well. I just wish they'd make more of an effort to keep things picked up and as out of sight as possible. Our next house will absolutely have a basement and/or guest room so that we can all be more comfortable when we have overnight guests! :)

Alysha :)

[CompassRose]

Originally posted by caregiver50
I also have a friend who will always turn on the Weather Channel when he comes over, even if I have nice music on. I have hidden the remote, unplugged the tv, anything. This I could understand, if a hurricane was coming orif there was a tornado warning, but he is just fixated on the Weather Channel. Go figure.
Now THIS would get the Death Strike at my house. If we indeed had cable. We've got our TV (used for videos) in a closed cabinet because that blind staring eye makes me so uncomfortable. I would just turn it right off again, me. I LOATHE people who have the TV on while eating, even at other peoples' houses; I'll leave the room and eat somewhere else if there's a TV on.

That is beyond rude. If you're going to watch TV instead of interacting, stay home. Television is the ultimate anti-social activity, in my opinion.

Sex on the coats, oh my! Hope the owner at least shamed them into paying for the dry-cleaning.

[Beth H]

Well -- there were so many things on that list that are potentially irritating/annoying that it was hard to choose!

I picked "guests who don't eat" - but I wasn't really thinking of people with food allergies, unusual diets, high cholesterol, etc. My SIL just never seems to enjoy eating that much, so often she will come over (esp. when it is a cocktail party) and just sit there and not eat. She does not have any of the above-mentioned conditions, either. A year or so ago my sister invited my SIL and BIL over and had great appetizers, drinks and she wouldn't even take a glass of water! I guess that shouldn't bother me and it may even sound petty in print but it is just one of those things. . .

Lateness (more than "fashionably" late) is also annoying to me - especially if I have appetizers just coming out of the oven.

The other stuff I don't find quite as bothersome, although it is hard to have guests over who fail to say thank you or to give even the most minimal complement.

[lorilei]

Mmm. This is a tough one. I like entertaining, so I've learned to be forgiving.

As much as I LOVE to be complimented, I don't expect it. I guess that makes it all the more special when someone does it :)

My real pet peeve is LATENESS... but since my entire family is PERPETUALLY late, I've grown accustomed to it. I generally don't expect to eat until at least 1/2 hour after the affair supposedly begins... just cuz.


Overall, I have to say I've been blessed with gracious houseguests. I think if someone really annoyed me, I just wouldn't invite them back. I'm fortunate that this hasn't happened.

[Wendy w]

Love this thread!!:) Although each of the options have miffed me at one time or another, the no-show, 11th hour cancellation (I've planned dinner for 7 and only 3 show):mad: , lateness and obnoxious children are the worst. I had a friend once bring her son over for dinner and he kept saying excuse me before interrupting. We could hardly get a word in edgewise. :rolleyes:

[BeachBum]

I can't believe some of you have actually had "no shows" Do you mean when you are having a party and expecting a group of people, of where you are expecting one couple and they bail out.

HA. We had this happen last weekend. This particular couple had guests in town and said to us, "have a party so we have something to do". Ok, no problem--sounds like as good as an excuse as any. Well we had expected them and their guests and invited 3 other couples. Things were casual and I had made a variety of apps, and we had PLENTY of wine. Well about midnight is when it occurred to all of us that they not only were late (typical) but they weren't coming. Well remember that wine I mentioned? Yeah, well that made it seem ok to call them! HA--they were sleeping (that will teach them ;)) Although I was annoyed that I went to all the trouble FOR THEM, we had a great time anyway and well, I still love 'em.

[badunnin]

I voted guests who try to help, but with overnight guests, it's people who have to sleep in the living room (no guest bedroom) and aren't up by, oh, 11am, and act like I'm disturbing their slumber when I make coffee. Most of the time, they are still asleep at 11 because they didn't get to be until 6. Not my problem, folks.

[Dyanne]

I voted that not getting compliments is my biggest peeve. DH's family rarely if ever makes any positive comment about the food or the effort. Throughout the meal they make variations on this comment: "I don't know why you put yourself through this! You've got three kids under 6 and this is the last thing you need to be doing!" No -- the last thing I need to be doing is making food for a bunch of schmucks who are lousy guests with stupid manners.

Also, MIL has a really rude habit of asking anyone if they want to share a CHICKEN BREAST with her. Yes, one boneless, skinless chicken breast -- the kind that are already only technically half a chicken breast anyway. If no one wants to, she just stands up at the dining room table, puts her knife and fork on the main platter and cuts the breast in half, then serves herself half from the platter and leaves the other half there.

And here's the kicker: 90% of the time, SHE GOES BACK FOR THE OTHER HALF! This sets me on FIRE!

Oh, and she stands a lot at the table. Sure, she's only five feet tall, but this annoys the sh... it annoys the DICKENS out of me! I ask her to sit and she says, "I sat in the car the whole way here. I prefer to stand." They live 25 minutes from our house! The woman STANDS to EAT DINNER!

Ooooo, I've got some coping skills to work on.

[aggie94]

Okay, a couple of comments about overnight guests staying in the living room have made me curious. Why not get a hotel/motel room if that's the situation? I would never dream of staying overnight at someone's house unless they had a spare bedroom, and even then, I would probably still be more comfortable in a hotel room. If it was a really close friend, I'd be OK staying in their spare room. But I would feel horrible for putting someone out by plopping down for a day or more in the middle of their living room! Not to mention how uncomfortable I'd feel with the lack of privacy.

Hmmm, maybe I should start another thread.... :o

[badunnin]

Originally posted by aggie94
Okay, a couple of comments about overnight guests staying in the living room have made me curious. Why not get a hotel/motel room if that's the situation? I would never dream of staying overnight at someone's house unless they had a spare bedroom, and even then, I would probably still be more comfortable in a hotel room. If it was a really close friend, I'd be OK staying in their spare room. But I would feel horrible for putting someone out by plopping down for a day or more in the middle of their living room! Not to mention how uncomfortable I'd feel with the lack of privacy.

Hmmm, maybe I should start another thread.... :o

In my case, we have a house on Lake Huron. The only option for overnighting that isn't our place is the state park. Most people I know don't camp. Everyone that visits knows they have only a few sleeping options - back bedroom has a triple bunk bed in a very tiny room, the living room, or the sun porch (sun comes up early, very little privacy because there are windows on all 3 sides.) I don't know - maybe it's a Michigan thing, to have everyone crash at the cottage.

Personally, when I visit someone where I know they don't have a spare bedroom, I just put up with the fact that I may be inconvenienced, knowing that I am inconveniencing them as well. And most of my friends wouldn't THINK of letting me stay in a hotel if I have travelled any distance to see them. It gives us a reason to spend more time together, rather than shuttling me back and forth to a hotel in the evening. When I go to Boston, I stay with Liesl. In College Station, I'm with Brooke. In London, with Ruth. Otherwise, I have to admit, I wouldn't travel nearly as much as I do. We both walk into the situation willingly, and both have to make some compromises. But I don't expect them to tip-toe around all day long while I sleep.

[knunes]

Originally posted by aggie94
I had to vote "late." Nothing bothers me more than tardiness, whether it's dinner guests at my house, meeting people out, someone coming to pick me up, whatever. If they call, I have no problem at all. It's the ones that don't call, don't email, and are chronically late for everything they do in life that drive me nuts. :o


Ditto for me!

[vbak]

People who are chronically late bug me to no end. And it doesn't matter if they call because this is a pattern that they have established.

[stefania4]

Originally posted by vbak
People who are chronically late bug me to no end. And it doesn't matter if they call because this is a pattern that they have established. Even worse is the expectation that it's YOUR fault dinner dried out - "you know I always run at least 30 minutes late." When I say 7, I mean 7 and I don't think "well, to Ingrid that means 7:30 so I should plan accordingly."

[401krep]

Here's my pet peeve: Guests who DON'T RSVP and then show up anyway! or guests that just don't have the courtesy to RSVP at all either way.

Vanessa

[lindrusso]

Originally posted by aggie94
Why not get a hotel/motel room if that's the situation?

My parents do get a hotel when they come, but my in-laws prefer to stay here. I give everyone the option of staying here - most fly here and don't have a car (my parents drive here, so it's different for them) to get back and forth to the hotel and it does save them money. I think in the end it's more fun to be able to sit around the table, play games, chat into the evening and drink some wine without anyone having to worry about driving, etc.

So, it's not the fact that they stay here that bothers me, I love having people here, it's the STUFF everywhere. I realize much of it cannot be avoided and we have come up with solutions to make it better, but I work hard to keep my house tidy and it stresses me a bit to have it turned upside down (and it tends to look that way even if they are being fairly tidy!).

My SIL tells me I DO NOT want a bigger house that is more comfortable for guests because then they come too often and stay too long! :D :D

[boisewinesnob]

Originally posted by lindrusso
So, it's not the fact that they stay here that bothers me, I love having people here, it's the STUFF everywhere. I realize much of it cannot be avoided and we have come up with solutions to make it better, but I work hard to keep my house tidy and it stresses me a bit to have it turned upside down (and it tends to look that way even if they are being fairly tidy!).


I can relate to this 100%!!!
We have no family where we live now, so we frequently have either my parents or ILs staying with us. With my parents it's STUFF all over my kitchen counter; cooler, coffee thermos, tupperware containers, my dad's "special" coffee cup :rolleyes: , or whatever! I know they don't have anywhere else to put it, but it just makes my kitchen so cramped for counter space. :mad:
We have a bonus room over the garage and usually one of the boys goes up there when we have company and then the company gets their bedroom; if they have stuff strewn around there it doesn't bother me....mainly because I can't see it unless I go into that bedroom. But the kitchen is open for everyone to see at all times.
With my MIL, it's the bathroom. She must bring an entire suitcase of toiletries and they end up on the bathroom counter. :rolleyes:
She does try to keep it orderly, but it still looks very cluttered.

[aggie94]

Originally posted by badunnin
The only option for overnighting that isn't our place is the state park. Most people I know don't camp. Everyone that visits knows they have only a few sleeping options...


Originally posted by lindrusso
I give everyone the option of staying here - most fly here and don't have a car (my parents drive here, so it's different for them) to get back and forth to the hotel and it does save them money. I think in the end it's more fun to be able to sit around the table, play games, chat into the evening and drink some wine without anyone having to worry about driving, etc.

Hmmm, good points. And I hope no one thought I was being critical about staying overnight at people's houses. I do it too, just not all the time, and usually not when the sleeping arrangements would be awkward for the host or the guest. But I know everyone is different - DH will almost always opt to stay at friends' or family's houses. I think he definitely thinks the convenience of being able to hang out late and not worry about driving to a hotel is worth it.

It just reminds me a little of the summer that I visited Oregon and the law school I was planning to go to for the first time. We were hosted by a couple - the wife was in law school - and their daughter. We were straight out of college and pretty broke, so it was nice to have a free place to stay for a few days while we looked for housing. BUT, while we appreciated their generosity, their apartment was one bedroom, one bath, about 600 square feet, and when you pulled out the sleeper sofa in the living room, it literally took up the entire room. There was barely even room to pass at the foot of the bed. The first morning we woke up, the couple were getting ready to go to the gym, at about 6:00 a.m., and had turned on the TV in the living room while they were getting ready, and were sitting on the foot of the bed (that we were sleeping on!) watching TV and drinking their coffee. A few minutes later, their daughter even climbed into bed with us! :eek: Needless to say, it was very uncomfortable. Again, their offer was really generous, but why would you even volunteer to host us if you so obviously didn't have the space? Had I known, I would have scrounged up the cash to get a hotel room. Maybe the trauma of that experience is why I prefer hotels now.... :p

[Jen]

My in-laws are ALWAYS early. It drives me nuts (my family tends to run on time or slightly late). The worst was a year or so after we were married - DH's aunt was here from out of town and his parents and aunt were coming for dinner on a weeknight (DH and I both work full-time). Because it was a weekday, there were also some cleaning-up things we still needed to do - for example, the bathroom was clean but needed a touchup after getting ready in the morning (wiping the counters, straightening towels, etc.) - I usually wait until last to do that because I often want to freshen up before guests arrive and I don't want to mess up the clean bathroom. As I came up the driveway, thinking I had 1.5 hours until they were due, I noticed them sitting in their car at the curb. :mad: If I could have snuck into the house without their noticing, I would have. I was furious and we really weren't ready for company yet. I basically plopped them down on the sofa and left them there while I went around getting things ready - DH wasn't even home yet so there was no one to entertain them. Serves them right!! I think DH talked to them after that because now they make more of an effort to be closer to "on time".

MIL is also one of those people who always brings something, even when I tell her not to. I always plan my dinner parties very carefully - no I don't want to put your store-bought $3 pie next to my homemade labour-of-love dessert, thanks anyway. :rolleyes: I know she means well, but I wish she'd just bring flowers or something.

[dcornelius]

Take a nice deeeeep breath Dyanne.... Every thing is gonna be JUST FINE....:D

[ksrb]

This thread is hilarious.

My pet peeve is people who RSVP to say they're coming and then One Hour before the event (I'm thinking here of an annual tea I give---quite a formal party, not a last-minute kegger) call me to say "Oh, I'm just too tired to come," or some other lame excuse. I mean, if you're going to cancel at the last minute, at least have a really good excuse (death in the family, sudden illness, terrorist attack) OR have the decency to lie and make up a good excuse. What's more insulting to a hostess than to say "I just don't feel like it" or "I'm tired" to an event that you have previously committed to? My point being, you should have planned NOT to be tired.

These people are never invited back.

I also get slightly annoyed when someone tells me (I always ask my guests, in advance, if there are any foods they can not or do not eat) they are now a vegan or whatever and so I go to the trouble of making something special just for them and then at the event they go ahead and eat the very food they told me they couldn't have. Mainly I find this amusing, but it really is sort of rude.

It's so nice to learn that others have similar problems, and that it bothers them! I was starting to worry I was too much of a control freak.

K

[VictoriaL]

Okay, feelin' a little stressed out here today. One of those "so much to do, not enough time" weeks have begun, so I thought I'd download a few recipes and look thru the Boards... what a great thread! I'm in a much better frame of mind now!!! Can't help laughing out loud (and thanking heaven that I don't have many guests!). :D

I suppose I commiserate most with LaraW and sunberst-- early people just kill me. In fact, I encourage guests to be slightly late! But, for everything else, we mostly entertain other couples, one or two at a time, in the evening so that I can prepare all day. And there hasn't been a child here for at least 10 years. My guests (mostly friends) know that I'm a terrible control freak and, unless they ask beforehand, shouldn't bring any food to supplement the meal because every thing has been painstakingly planned. It goes the other way, too, since I will offer to bring something when we are invited to someones house, but will never just appear with a dessert or whatever. And if we don't take anything, I bring wine and make it clear that it is for the hosts to enjoy at another time.

Why don't we all get these gripes published as a book of hints and then send it to the offending parties?!?!? ;) I have a difficult situation coming up next month when DH's sister & husband will be visiting for several days. They are early risers, we can't be bothered before 8am. They are both strictly on the Atkins diet, we think that it's terribly unhealthy and we eat a lowfat, whole grain, lots of fruits & veggies diet. I will be asking for menu help from you all soon...

[lindrusso]

Originally posted by aggie94
The first morning we woke up, the couple were getting ready to go to the gym, at about 6:00 a.m., and had turned on the TV in the living room while they were getting ready, and were sitting on the foot of the bed (that we were sleeping on!) watching TV and drinking their coffee. A few minutes later, their daughter even climbed into bed with us! :eek:

That's just plain WEIRD! :eek: :eek: I don't like getting anywhere near a bed where people are sleeping - feels like a TOTAL invasion of privacy - much less SITTING on the bed! And weren't they essectially strangers or at least people you were not particularly close to? Oh my! Too funny (or is it scary??? :D )!

Alysha

[JulieM]

Originally posted by VictoriaL
Why don't we all get these gripes published as a book of hints and then send it to the offending parties?!?!? ;)
This book idea is great!

I chose other... my two peeves are when guests arrive EARLY! Everything always takes me longer than I think it is and if you arrive early you might find that I'm still in the shower or something.

My other peeve, and I'm surprised I didn't see this on this thread, are people who drink too much and won't go home. I cannot bring myself to be so rude as to remove the wine from the table, or hint that it's getting late. I like to make people feel very welcome. But this often backfires into opening several bottles of wine and getting to bed in the wee hours, which ruins the next day.

Neither of these offenses will cause me not to invite them back, but they do bug me, especially if the same people do it over and over.

[Jessica]

Originally posted by ksrb

My pet peeve is people who RSVP to say they're coming and then One Hour before the event (I'm thinking here of an annual tea I give---quite a formal party, not a last-minute kegger) call me to say "Oh, I'm just too tired to come," or some other lame excuse.
K

We had people do this once, too. They just called the afternoon before our party and said they didn't feel like socializing. Please, just lie and say you're sick, OK!

The overnight stay issue is tricky. I think in some families or groups of friends, it is assumed you will stay with the person you are visiting, and in other groups it is more common to get a hotel. We fall in the middle--our spare room is my office and I work full-time from home, so weekend visitors are fine but weekday ones have to understand that I will need my work space from 8-5. When we were younger and had a one BR apt, we told guests they would have to stay on the sofa in the living room and then let them decide if that was OK. If they didn't mind, we sure didn't.

[muriel3002]

I'm going to add this Other ....

Guests who BELCH during the meal, not just once or twice, but throughout - and who don't excuse themselves.

Poor manners, especially by children. Good grief! What has happened. There used to be some rules that we had to follow when we were kids - eat everything on your plate, sit until EVERYONE was done, and no fidgeting, leg swinging or anything like that. Also, you went to the bathroom BEFORE the meal, not DURING.

As for weekend guests - those that don't "feel like" doing the activities you planned, and just end up watching TV. :rolleyes:

[Jessica]

Originally posted by muriel3002


Poor manners, especially by children. Good grief! What has happened. There used to be some rules that we had to follow when we were kids - eat everything on your plate, sit until EVERYONE was done, and no fidgeting, leg swinging or anything like that. Also, you went to the bathroom BEFORE the meal, not DURING.


I'll give you the fidgeting and waiting till people are done, but I would rather take a small child to the bathroom during a meal than deal with the consequences :).

I don't mind if kids don't finish their food and I don't believe in forcing kids to eat, but I it drives me a little nuts when they don't eat any "real" food and then parents give them dessert.

[lindrusso]

Originally posted by Jessica
I don't mind if kids don't finish their food and I don't believe in forcing kids to eat, but I it drives me a little nuts when they don't eat any "real" food and then parents give them dessert.

A big ditto on that. :)

I don't make my kids clear their plate - that just sets them up for overeating and food issues later on. I really believe in trying ot teach them to listen to their bodies and stop when they are full - not just eating it because it's there.

However, we don't let them have dessert (which is not a big deal - just something small like a couple of Hershey kisses) until they have eaten a reasonable amount of dinner. I try to give them very small portions, letting them come back for more if they are still hungry, so that we don't run into wasting too much food if they don't finish.

[Shirley Ekstein]

Gail, haven't voted cos right now right now I just hate guests.
Full stop.
(Oh - sorry - am in the States - so what I mean is -)
I just hate guests. Period.

[aggie94]

Originally posted by lindrusso
That's just plain WEIRD! :eek: :eek: I don't like getting anywhere near a bed where people are sleeping - feels like a TOTAL invasion of privacy - much less SITTING on the bed! And weren't they essectially strangers or at least people you were not particularly close to?

They were absolute, total strangers. :rolleyes: But boy, did we learn a lesson. That was the first and last time we've done that. It's hotels for us now.


Originally posted by JulieM
My other peeve, and I'm surprised I didn't see this on this thread, are people who drink too much and won't go home. I cannot bring myself to be so rude as to remove the wine from the table, or hint that it's getting late. I like to make people feel very welcome. But this often backfires into opening several bottles of wine and getting to bed in the wee hours, which ruins the next day.


Oooooh, good one, Julie! We used to have friends (a BF/GF couple) that did this to us, but without the wine. We used to call them the "time-stealers." :o I used to commute 75 miles to work each way, and had to get up on weekday mornings at 5:00. She was in school and he was unemployed, so they used to just "drop by" at 9:30 or 10:00 on a weeknight, just as I was getting ready for bed, and stay for HOURS. They'd even stay (and hang out with my DH, who was also in school) after I went to bed.

Last year, after I moved to Austin and DH was living on his own in Oregon, the guy dropped by (his GF had moved away to graduate school) the house to hang out with DH. DH was working at the time, and when midnight rolled around, he finally declared, "I have to go to bed. You can stay if you want." Thinking that was a clear cue for the guest to leave, DH went to bed. Imagine DH's surprise when he woke up the next morning to get ready for work, and the time-stealer was STILL THERE. :eek:

[stefania4]

Originally posted by ksrb
My pet peeve is people who RSVP to say they're coming and then One Hour before the event (I'm thinking here of an annual tea I give---quite a formal party, not a last-minute kegger) call me to say "Oh, I'm just too tired to come," or some other lame excuse. I mean, if you're going to cancel at the last minute, at least have a really good excuse (death in the family, sudden illness, terrorist attack) OR have the decency to lie and make up a good excuseAAARRRGGGHHHH! I was going to post about this, too! We just had this happen yesterday. As of yesterday morning we had 6 people attending, possibly 7. By dinnertime, it was 3. One of the people had a good excuse and called at noon to tell us that one of her employees (she owns a store) didn't show up, so she had to go into the shop. Fair enough, and that really was as much notice as she could possibly give us. The others, though... grrrr!

[adoty]

I would have to put late-comers and those who don't show up at the top of the list. The first time I hosted my supper club there were several people who didn't show up and never provided any apology or explanation. But another one, and I had almost forgotten this, was the first big party I ever had. I planned a cook out as a housewarming party, and had put a lot of thought and effort into the menu, and one of the guests showed up with her own food. I was just so taken aback I wasn't sure how to respond. And it wasn't even allergy or religion related. She was dieting and packed herself a salad to eat. I mean, if you're watching your weight, and who isn't, then plan the rest of your meals around the party. Don't show up to a dinner party with your own food. The funniest thing though was that she wound up eating what I prepared and never even touched the salad she had brought. She is a very good friend, so I haven't held it against her, but still...

[HDgirl]

Originally posted by adoty
[B]The first time I hosted my supper club there were several people who didn't show up and never provided any apology or explanation.B]

I did this. However, I did apologize to everyone and told them what had happened. And for the record I still feel awful about it.

My issue would be with reciprocating. I have stopped inviting a handful of people...actually they are all relatives that have never reciprocated...they are invited on holidays only now. Although I think lots of people just don't like to or don't want to entertain. I enjoy doing it. So much in fact that I had two dinner parties over this past weekend. I must be insane.

I am getting better at my control issues with my entertaining. I usually don't have anyone bring anything or do anything. One of my guests brought dessert and it was store bought and I was OK with that!!!! Another guest helped me clean up, usually no one offers..it was a big help.

[adoty]

I will clairfy that one person from my supper club who didn't make it had called beforehand and left a message. She felt very bad and was trying to find someone who lived close to her who could bring her dish, as she had already made it. So she's completely off the hook. It is the no apology and no explanation that bugs the cr@p out of me. You made a commitment to be there. The hostess, in the case of a supper club, is counting on you for a portion of the meal. Would it kill you to pick up the dang phone?!

[muriel3002]

Originally posted by Jessica


I'll give you the fidgeting and waiting till people are done, but I would rather take a small child to the bathroom during a meal than deal with the consequences :).

I don't mind if kids don't finish their food and I don't believe in forcing kids to eat, but I it drives me a little nuts when they don't eat any "real" food and then parents give them dessert.

The rule in our family was simply that you went to the bathroom before, not during. It was really frowned upon. If you absolutely had to go, you could, but it was frowned upon. :mad:

The eating everything off the plate - well, we put the food there, so we were responsible for it.

[jellyben]

Originally posted by Jessica


I don't mind if kids don't finish their food and I don't believe in forcing kids to eat, but I it drives me a little nuts when they don't eat any "real" food and then parents give them dessert.

This may fall under the pick your battles realm. WHen I am at dinner with friends(usually other couples with similar age kids) I want to enjoy myself and I want my kids to have a good time. I have tried the 'sorry, but you can't have dessert because you didn't eat your dinner' and trust me, everyone was wishing I just gave him a cookie!!A party or social gathering is not the time to hold dessert over my kids head until they eat dinner. I usually give them something before we go because they are usually too excited to eat once we get there. That is until dessert rolls around!

Of course I am talking about very casual entertaining. And please don't get the idea that I have a pack of dessert-hoarding monsters! They really are good kids.

[Jessica]

Originally posted by jellyben


This may fall under the pick your battles realm. WHen I am at dinner with friends(usually other couples with similar age kids) I want to enjoy myself and I want my kids to have a good time. I have tried the 'sorry, but you can't have dessert because you didn't eat your dinner' and trust me, everyone was wishing I just gave him a cookie!!A party or social gathering is not the time to hold dessert over my kids head until they eat dinner. I usually give them something before we go because they are usually too excited to eat once we get there. That is until dessert rolls around!

Of course I am talking about very casual entertaining. And please don't get the idea that I have a pack of dessert-hoarding monsters! They really are good kids.

I will defer to you on this question since I don't have kids. I am sure yours are terrific.

If I have to go to the bathroom during a meal, I go, so I can't expect a four-year-old to hold it. That still sounds really strict to me, but maybe my family just has a bunch of weak bladders. Either way, I think we all agree that well-behaved kids are a joy.

[greysangel]

Cancelling at the last minute...ugh...I thought that was a NYC thing. I have stopped making plans with a couple friends because I get the feeling that they are waiting to see if they get a better offer for that evening :rolleyes:

I had a apt warming party when we moved last year. We had around 30 people say they were coming...about 12-15 showed up. I was really annoyed because I had made a pretty good spread. I literally have stopped doing large parties because of this and a few other parties I have hosted with friends...it's way too much work, money etc to not have people turn up when they say they are going to. Now if I have large parties, it's going out somewhere. I'll keep home for a couple guests only.

JeAnne

[JenniferJJ]

Mine is "other." I had a friend who complained that everything was not ready on time. Now she was right, it wasn't. In fact, everything was ready about an hour (or more) later than I had planned. However, I wasn't just ordering pizza. I made soup, mini-fritattas, cheesecake and salad for five women. I had put a lot of effort into the menu and food prep. I usually just make one dish and take it somewhere - putting several dishes together for several people is something I don't do very often as a single person and so I don't have the timing just right. I like cooking and I like having people over, but am still nervous. I was really excited about having these friends over and wanted them to feel good, so her comment just dampened my night a little and made me nervous.

About two months later, I had four people over again. I was much better on the timing, but didn't invite the offender. It was a little bit of a different crowd, so I could get away with it without offending her. It wasn't a "never going to invite you again thing", but I'm still learning how to juggle everything and a critical person would just make me nervous.

[kristalsnow7]

This thread is hilarious, and makes me feel very blessed I've had pretty good guests! In fact, really nothing bad has happened yet, but I'm still a single person, and usually just entertain my DBF and a few other couples.

I have had people show up early, and this stresses me out a bit, since I'm usually running 10-15 minutes behind schedule. And I don't like it when they come in the kitchen and watch me cook! Eek! But I always have an appetizer spread in another room, and they usually hang out there until everything is ready.

Hypothetically, if someone didn't comment about the food at all, or thank me in any way, I would be pretty miffed. Thankfully, my guests are always very grateful and complimentary, which I like! ;)

I don't like it when people insist on helping. They're my guests, and I want them to sit back, relax, and enjoy themselves.

None of my friends have children, so I haven't had much experience in this realm. But I remember when I was little, and my parents would have parties, or relatives visiting from out of town.....oh, the horrors! Some of the kids were fine. But some were absolute nightmares. Hyper, running in and out the back porch every few minutes, screaming, spitting out food, one kid pulled the knobs off our piano and tried to eat them....all the while the parents acting like everything was normal.

This is not a hosting pet peeve, but something that kind of irritates me as a guest. I have a dear friend who has me over for dinner occasionally. I always have a good time, and enjoy the food, wine and conversation. But with the wine.....he always fills my glass to the brim throughout the whole evening, even after I tell him "no thank you, I don't want/ need any more". I mean, I'll have about 3-4 glasses of wine, and then I'm done. It's not like the wine is paired with different courses or anything. He just really likes to drink, and wants everyone to join in. I am kind of a small person, and 5-6 glasses of wine is just too much for me. Sometimes I put my hand over my wine glass, but that doesn't stop him: "Nonsense, of course you're having more wine!" I always feel bad because the wine always gets poured down the sink at the end of the evening, and I feel like it's a such a waste! Is this rude on my part? Every time I try to "accomodate" him, I end up with a nasty hangover the next day!

Kristal

[JenniferJJ]

About bringing something: No need to - they're my guests. If they would like, they can bring a hostess gift. One time someone brought a box of candy. Another time someone brought flowers. These were little things I would never buy myself and made me feel special.

About reciprocating: some people just can't in the same way (or it's not their skill)but will treat in other ways. For example, I have a friend who rarely cooks so would not invite me over for the same. But she regularly calls me to make plans for us to go hiking or whatever. Also, when I was unemployed for several months, she'd call me to do something a little expensive - her treat.

[lindrusso]

Originally posted by kristalsnow7
I always feel bad because the wine always gets poured down the sink at the end of the evening, and I feel like it's a such a waste! Is this rude on my part? Every time I try to "accomodate" him, I end up with a nasty hangover the next day!
Kristal

Definitely NOT rude on your part - definitely rude on HIS part. As a host, I wouldn't even want to waste wine on someone who didn't want it! :D Why would anyone try to force anyone to eat or drink anything? Perhaps he feels you really do want more, but don't want him to feel put out or something???

As for those of you who don't like help in the kitchen...I think we need to look at it from the guests' point of view. If you are slaving away in the kitchen, I'm sure most people would think it downright rude NOT to offer help! I can understand wanting to run your kitchen your way, but I can't see accepting offers of help as anything but a polite gesture.

In addition, I as a guest don't feel comfortable sitting on my rear end while I watch a hostess running around and I'm sure that many others feel the same. I too prefer that my guests enjoy themselves instead of feeling they need to help out, but I also feel it's my responsibility to make sure they feel comfortable enough to do so. Therefore, I try to have just about everything done before they get there so that we can all enjoy the evening. The best way to make sure your guests are relaxed and enjoying themselves is to do so yourself. JMHO. :)

[Leisa M]

I appreciate the offer of help, but if I say no thanks and they do so anyway, that is what gets me upset.

Just as if I were at someone else's and asked if they need help, if the hostess says no, I don't help.

[lindrusso]

Originally posted by Leisa M
I appreciate the offer of help, but if I say no thanks and they do so anyway, that is what gets me upset.

Just as if I were at someone else's and asked if they need help, if the hostess says no, I don't help.

Gotcha - that's different. :) But again, that can be avoided more easily by having less to do once your guests arrive. Puts everyone more at ease, I think.

[HDgirl]

When I am a guest I always ask if there is something I can do. If the host says no then I don't help.

When I am hosting, I am asked the same. I always say no. I want my guests to relax and enjoy themselves. Even at the end of the meal when it's time to clean up. I will be asked again and I always say no I'll do it later. I don't have a dishwasher, so if I were to clean up after having a dinner party of 10 to 12 people....I'd be leaving them alone for quite a while. That's the only time I may accept the help.

Of coarse I could make it easy and serve everything on paper plates. Yeah right!

[Kristy G]

I am new here, but I just had to jump in on this discussion. I HATE early guests because usually I am running around at the last minute still cleaning or gettting dressed. I had an experience which I haven't seen mentioned yet...I had spend 2 days cleaning, cooking and getting ready for my bookclub. Most of them do not cook, so I try to make things a little special because they all seemed to enjoy a good meal. Well, I chose to make something that needed some last minute prep, and they all stood around in the kitchen, talking, drinking frozen margaritas, eating appetizers, and watching me do this. I was getting increasingly nervous with all these people in my kitchen, especially when I couldn't find the pepper and was opening all my rather unorganized cabinets trying to find it. I finally got the bright idea to send them out onto the deck so I could finish things. Imagine my shock to walk out and announce that dinner was ready only to hear them criticizing my messy cabinets and freezer (they peeked when I was serving them the margaritas). As soon as they realized I was standing there it was dead silence, and a row of red faces. I was so upset that I had gone to so much trouble for this group of ingrates and they had the gall to sit on my deck and criticize me. 9 months later and this still makes me mad! Although I guess something good did come out of it because I organized all my cabinets after that and now it is much easier to cook!

[lindrusso]

Originally posted by Kristy G
Imagine my shock to walk out and announce that dinner was ready only to hear them criticizing my messy cabinets and freezer (they peeked when I was serving them the margaritas).

Oh my, how rude! Have you gotten together with them since? Some people....

[Leisa M]

Originally posted by lindrusso


Oh my, how rude! Have you gotten together with them since? Some people....

Ditto what lindrusso said. I would hate for someone to peek in my cabinets and freezer:eek:

[Gail]

My what a busy little thread this has been in my absence. Gee, guys, I'm sorry I couldn't include other peeves, but I was limited to a choice of 10, you know... :p

Reading this stuff brought back all sorts of memories, things I'd forgotten over the years. While at the time, these all annoyed me, I now can laugh at them:

--The time I got up early, prepared a boeuf bourguignon (the only thing I could cook at the time) and chocolate mousse, only to have my dinner guest cancel at the eleventh hour because he "was in a bad mood."

--The guest who left to go fishing (we live several blocks from a fishing pier) as soon as he'd finished dinner.

--The guests who sat gossiping in my kitchen as I was slaving away before them, making lovely comments like "I'd NEVER go to this much trouble..." or "why didn't you just pick something up at the market?"

--The time my inlaws showed up hours early, when I was in the middle of housecleaning. Seeing them when I opened my door, I slipped a real goof, exclaiming "Oh NO!" as my greeting.

--The time my parents and sister came so early, I actually made them leave and drive around for a while. (Pretty nervy, huh?)

--The guests who always eat and run.

--My friend's son who kept asking "When are we going to eat?" till I was ready to strangle him.

--The "vegetarian" who came for a Mexican meal and didn't touch the beans I'd prepared especially for her.

--The woman who told me she didn't eat red meat, then proceded to eat both the red meat and the chicken I'd prepared for her.

...and I've got one for Mrs. Waz. Several years ago, I got a phone call from a dear friend demanding to know where we were, since dinner was getting cold. It was her husband's 40th birthday party, however she'd neglected to phone me with the particulars. As it so happened, we'd been working outdoors in the yard prior to the call and were unshowered, exhausted and an hour's drive away under good circumstances-- so unlike you, we told them we were terribly sorry we couldn't make it.

[Kristy G]

Originally posted by lindrusso


Oh my, how rude! Have you gotten together with them since? Some people....

Well, one of them is my SIL, so I do run into her at family gatherings. As for the others...I have started my own bookclub, and made sure I invited people that are REAL friends and wouldn't dream of criticizing my hidden clutter (because most of them are like me, anyway...)