Graceful way to handle racist grandparents?

[stefania4]

The private wedding ceremony was the easy part, it's the reception (with all the family) that's REALLY stressing me out!

Grandparents and DH have never met, because of distance and travel being so expensive and vacation time difficult to get. When we first started dating I deliberately did not mention that DH is of a different ethnic background. My grandparents are unbelievably racist and it does nothing but infuriate me, so I avoid the subject entirely. And, over the three years that we dated, I simply forgot that they didn't know.

Well, now they're going to meet DH and his family. While DH does not look overtly Asian, his mother does (his father is Caucasian), and his grandmother has a very Asian last name. I need to find a way to tell them about his background and that I expect them to be civil adults at the reception.

On the one hand, I feel like I'm playing into their prejudices because I just can't understand why I would need to "prepare" someone on an issue like race. On the other, if I don't then they're going to be ugly and hurt DH and his family, and that's exactly what I'm trying to avoid.

So I need to tell them. But how? For whatever it's worth, my father managed to somehow be raised with those attitudes and not adopt any of them. If my parents lived closer they'd be all about coming to celebrate Japanese New Year with us.

[Peggy C.]

Are you sure they don't already know? If it was my family, trust me they'd know. And like your parents I can't figure out how mine didn't end up as racist as my grandparents. Of course you know them best, but sometimes I think leaving well enough alone is the best approach.

But hopefully one of the wise ones will speak up....you know who you are!

[lorilei]

But this is something that I feel strongly about -- so I'll offer up my opinion. I really do feel as if you need to confront your grandparents -- not simply because they might act inappropriately at your reception, but because they need to know how YOU feel, and they need to respect your decision to marry your DF.

I, too, have relatives that harbor racist attitudes -- and I've decided that I can't just allow them to BE that way when they're in my presence -- because it's deeply offensive, and it also puts me in a position where I am essentially condoning their behavior if I don't speak out.

You don't have to let this put a rift into your relationship with your grandparents. But I think you do need to speak out. Have a heart to heart with them. Take them to dinner. Tell them what you've seen with regard to their behavior -- and tell them that you would appreciate it if they would respect you, your husband, and your husband's family. This will probably be a very difficult thing -- but it could be a cleansing experience for you to confront this issue head-on. Most certainly it will be an opportunity for your grandparents to see more about who you are and what your values encompass.

It really CAN BE a loving thing to refuse to tolerate racism.

[lhall]

What's the deal with racist grandparents? My grandmother (my mom's mother) is racist as well. But, she doesn't want anyone to know. She will occassionally put her foot in her mouth, but generally it's with good intentions. She's never been overtly rude to someone because of their race, on purpose.

As for accidentally. We were at the funeral of my grandmother's maid's mother. The maid's sister had passed away one week before and the maid couldn't attend the funeral due to her ailing mother and she never learned to drive. Well, we all loved Carrie dearly and mom and my grandmother had taken good care of her as she got older. Doing such things as paying hospital bills, and putting a new roof on her home. As well as frequent visits and phone calls. Being from Macon, GA, the maid was black. Well, here we are sitting in the living room of this family. In the midst of their losses they welcomed us into their homes. Then my grandmother says "You know Carrie belongs to us too!" :o :o :o :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

Let's just say that it got very very quiet. My mother just about died of embarrassment. If she could have crawled under he chair she would have. Fortunately, since Carrie had raised my mother and her two sisters the family had know about us for around 50 years. They did understand that what my grandmother meant was that we considered Carrie part of our family too.

Stefania,
Do talk to your grandparents and tell them you do expect them to respect your decision and to treat your DH and his family with respect.

Leigh

[HejazSunKat]

Originally posted by Peggy C.
sometimes I think leaving well enough alone is the best approach.


I was thinking along those lines as well. As Peggy said, they probably already know and if they don't the sheer shock value (to them that is) of your marrying a man of Asian heritage might keep them quiet, at least for one party. Your husband has surely dealt with impossibly ignorant people and their comments before and probably already has a stock of ways to handle them. Is he aware of your grandparents' attitudes? Could you enlist your parents to speak with your grandparents and have them lay down the law concerning their behavior at the reception (or any future family gathering for that matter)? BTW, NOTHING they say or do is a reflection on you. I know you want your new in-laws to have a good impression of your family and your overriding concern is that nobody's feelings be hurt but the only ones your grandparents will be embarrassing if they say anything out of line is themselves.

[jjsooner73]

Originally posted by lhall
What's the deal with racist grandparents?


I think it's just a generational thing. It doesn't make it right, but they grew up in a different time when things were very different. I've heard the n-word come out of my grandpa's mouth and I just ignore him. He made derogatory remarks when I moved to FL about all the Cubans/blacks there and was I going to end up marrying one?
I ignore it-he's just a stupid old drunk anyway and way beyond changing his views at the age of 80. :rolleyes:.
My parents certainly don't have this attitude.

(hope what I said above doesn't offend anyone. It's certainly not my opinion).

Steph--good luck with the reception. I know if it were my grandparents, I probably wouldn't say anything and would let it be (well, the above mentioned grandpa wouldn't be invited anyway, but my grandma would). My grandma has a much more open attitude and would just be happy that I was happy. Maybe when it gets down to it, your grandparents will feel the same way.

[kima]

I agree with everything lorilei said. I feel very strongly about this issue and always speak up when I hear a racist comment or attitude.
My DH's uncle once used a very derogatory term and I called him on it in front of a room full of people (very few other people heard). My girls were presnt and I knew I had to speak up. At first he said, well "they call themselves that (and no it was not the n word). As I explained how that word made me feel etc. I could see he felt ashamed and remorseful. We get along very well and I think he respects me for speaking up.
I am sure your grandparents are great people and it is hard to confront people we care about. I guess I feel some things are worth taking a chance on-for me this is one. You might be surprised at how they react-they might really respect you! Good luck whatever you decide to do.

[aggie94]

Originally posted by stefania4
On the one hand, I feel like I'm playing into their prejudices because I just can't understand why I would need to "prepare" someone on an issue like race. On the other, if I don't then they're going to be ugly and hurt DH and his family, and that's exactly what I'm trying to avoid.

I have mixed feelings about this, mainly because I don't know your grandparents or how they would act (or whether anything you said to them would make a difference in their behavior).

If you think having a conversation them would prevent any ugly incidents, by all means, sit them down beforehand and talk to them. Tell them firmly that you expect them to treat your DH and his family with respect, and to keep any inappropriate or offensive comments to themselves. If they can't commit to this, they should stay home.

On the other hand, if you don't think anything you say will change their behavior on this particular occasion, I'd suggest one of two options:

1) Don't invite them. I know this is harsh, and it really shouldn't be an option unless you absolutely know for a fact that nothing you will say will make a difference. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and believe that with some guidance, they can and will behave appropriately.

2) Nothing. Don't say anything to them, and hope for the best. If your DH is anything like me, he has heard plenty of racist and offensive comments in his life and can respond appropriately (which usually means ignoring the offensive comment and ending the conversation). Hopefully between you and your other immediate family members (who are close to your grandparents and DON'T share their ignorant views), you can prevent any ugly scenes at your reception.

Good luck, Stephanie!

[BeachBum]

I don't think I would bring it up (but I haven't had to deal with this situation). As with anything, if they do or say anything inappropriate it is not a reflection on you, but on them.

I think that most racist are the 'closet' type. In that they will say and do things only when they feel they are in like minded company. I think your grandparents would have to be particularly confident and outspoken to say something when it is a situation
(your reception) where it is obvious that others would disagree with them.

If you do decide to "prepare" them I would do it in a very nonchalant way. Something like Ms. X (asian sounding name) is just so sweet she blah blah blah blah. This would kind of 'test' them to pick a fight with you in private that way you could address the situation then, or if they let it slide I think you could feel more confident that they would keep their mouth shut in the future as well.

I'm terribly sorry that you have to deal with this. Congrats on your marriage! I wish you tons of happiness.

[RunnerKim]

Stefanie - I'm sorry you have to deal with something this ugly around your wedding. :(

As to playing into their prejudices by preparing them - I'd look at it the other way. You're protecting your DH and his family. They do not deserve to be treated in a manner you're afraid your grandparents will treat them.

I'd say definietly say something to them - don't risk ruining your wedding reception because your grandparents say something really stupid because of their shock - even if it's said just a tad too loudly to your parents. "oh my gosh, I just had no idea he's... he's..." type of thing. And I think it is possible they don't know depending on your family's communication and how taboo the subject is. Can your parents help you out in this respect? If not I'd suggest sending a letter. Be as blunt as you feel you need to be (in a respectful manner) or if you think mentioning it in passing will work "I'm looking forward to seeing you again. I'm meeting DF's grandmother, Mrs. X, ..." or mention how your celebrating the Japanese New Year and something to the traditions of DF's family. See what kind of response you get and deal with it from there. Phone is better, but I personally I wouldn't wait for them to arrive to do it in person, if for no other reason than YOU don't need this hanging over you up till right before the wedding.
My 2 cents.
Kim

[Terrytx]

Okay, you have gotten a lot of great advice, and us, not knowing all those involved, can only tell you what we would do.

Here is my story- My parents and I were born and bred Southerners (Ala. and Miss) and stayed there until I was 16. My parents were, very racist, especially my Dad. About 15 years ago my DH and I became foster parents. My parents were all for it, then my Dad found out we would take all races, and changed his mind. To make a long story a little shorter-we (white) got a black child and my Dad refused to have anything to do with her or us, as long as there was a black child in the home. (Remembering I have his only grandchildren-4 boys.) My Mom and Dad almost got divorce over this. We were estranged for over 2 years, because of the children or because of DH and my anger at him. He relented after he saw that we were not backing down and (after Mother said she would leave him), and came for Christmas. We had old family friends over (of my parents), and they all come from the same background. These old family friend just went on and on about "how wonderful" the DH and I were and what pretty babies we had, etc, etc. You could just see my Dad "puff up" with pride. I know it doesn't seem right that their opinion would sway him more than family, but his whole attitude changed in an instant. Whatever works :rolleyes:

Sorry for the ramble, but it doesn't stop here. We adopted one of our foster children, and our 12 yr. old DD is black. Back with the attitude, until he he saw we meant business. He has turned around completely and loves her as much as we do. :D

I guess the point to this ramble, is to tell you to do what is in your heart and all the rest of the stuff will work it's way out sooner or later.

Good Luck and best wishes :D

[Gail]

Isn't it sad that we have to even have these kinds of conversations? I am so glad to hear there was a light at the end of the tunnel in Terry's case and will hope it is the same in yours.
I will say also that the marriage of my parents was met with some degree of close-mindedness at first (although my mother is Cuban and my dad is not, the issue, I think, had more to do with religious conflict than anything else.) My grandparents at first did not approve of my mother, and in a very short time not only reversed their opinion but became like parents to my mother.

I won't go into detail but only say that I had similar concerns at my wedding. The relative hosting the reception had issues with certain people. One of our intended guests fell into this group. Mind you, a lovelier, more cultured and elegant woman I don't think I've ever known, but I wasn't sure if this relative would view her in that light. Not having actual knowledge how my relative was apt to react, I opted to have someone else in the family "feel out" this relative beforehand. (I honestly don't know what I might have done had my guest been barred from our reception.) To my relief, this guest was treated with as much warmth and dignity as any other guest on that day.

Should we have to cater to people's prejudices, treating them with kid gloves this way? I wish we did not. But without knowing how your grandparents are apt to react, I think it is the only way. If you don't feel comfortable speaking to your grandparents about this, perhaps another member of the family could do so on your behalf. But I think it should be mentioned beforehand.

Good luck. Let's hope your grandparents surprise you.

[Kristilyn1]

Well, just about all my grandparents are racist---they are the ignorant kind who quite honestly have no idea that they are racist or that their views are not PC or kind. I would consider saying something if they KNOW they are racist, if not I wouldn't. I would never put up with racist comments from friends, strangers, my siblings or my children but the one exception is grandparents. I think they are above reproach, at least from their grandchildren. Whether I agree with their views it's one that is never going to change by me telling them to and like all grownups, they have to live with the comments they make to others. I don't believe in fighting other people's battles.

I think this one really depends on two things: your relationship with your grandparents and the actual likelihood that they will say something out loud at your reception.

I don't envy you the situation.

Kristi

[lakelady1]

I guess my advice to you would be not to PRESUME you know how your grandparents would act. That, frankly, makes you as wrong as you believe their attitudes to be.

Maybe they are, in fact, racist. Maybe they are also ill-bred and ill-behaved. In which case, you have done your DH and his family (of which you are now, and any of your children will be, a member of) a disservice by not telling them up front, in a casual, non-confrontational way, about his ethnic background.

Maybe, however, they are racist but can behave themselves. They don't like it, they are never going to like it, that you married out of your race/creed/religion/whatever; but they are family and they will behave themselves and ACT LIKE ADULTS in the presence of you and your new family.

And maybe,just maybe, they are like so many older people who grew up when certain things were just said. And they never gave much thought to it. Making it "personal," making it family, makes it different. My great-grandfather would not have let a Catholic water his horse at the trough. We were Irish Protestants. When I converted and married a Catholic, my grandmother asked "couldn't you just put Christ the King church instead of Christ the King Catholic Church, and maybe nobody would notice." My father made truly hateful remarks through the years -- "crossback" is not a complement to Roman Catholics, believe me. And when I was married and raised my children Catholic, it was personal, and it was family, and no one brought anything to the home except love and acceptance.

That's what I'm hoping for you. Be ready to EXPLAIN some differences in culture, but do it lovingly and readily and everyone will learn and love. (PS - Your comment that your DH doesn't "look" Asian but his mother does worries me a bit . . . as if you are more comfortable letting him "pass" into your family . . . I'm sure it wasn't meant that way, but I wonder if your DH and his family wouldn't find it hurtful. They may have grandparents that are not thrilled about you, either :)

So that's my 2 cents that turned into a quarter! Can you tell it's a subject I care about? As I tell my girls, I don't care who they marry -- as long as they love and respect each other and treat each other well.

[lakelady1]

Okay, just one more thought . . . ;)

My father used to make horrible comments about black people. Really hurtful, racist, nasty remarks. He was an "Archie Bunker" of the worse sort.

And he knew a lot of African Americans through work and business and community.

And I never saw him treat any of them with anything less than respect. Isn't that strange? While the "talk he talked" was horrible; the "walk he walked" was truly exemplary. He treated every man and every woman based on how that person behaved and acted. And he assumed, first, that you were a person of quality until you proved yourself otherwise. Regardless of race/creed/color/national origin/whatever.

Maybe people "talk" based on how they were raised; but how they "walk" is based on the goodness of their hearts.

[maizeyoats]

Stephanie,
Invite me....I think yor husband and I think alike (politically) and he loves Reggie. I'll handle the grandparents!!!:)

[SusanL]

take them out to dinner and introduce your DH prior to the ceremony and reception? Could introducing them on neutral turf to set your mind at ease? I really believe it would make you feel better confronting it ahead of time in a positive way. Just my $0.02. Best of luck, glad you found a wonderful man to share your life!!

[Peggy C.]

Actually Lori I do consider you one of the wise ones!:D

[SusanL]

I appreciate your post, as I read through so early this morning and didn't read thoroughly all of the posts. Coffee hadn't kicked in yet!
I agree with Lori, racism cannot be tolerated but how you react to it must be with love in your heart and the words you choose.

[lorilei]

Peggy - Thanks, I'm flattered :) In the deepest sense.

And Stephania - I've been thinking about this more and more ever since you posted yesterday -- and this is really something that deeply affects me. I want you to know that I wish you a great amount of strength. Racism is (unfortunately) something that we, in the U.S., must face -- it is an evil that's pervaded our culture, and something that prevents us from really seeing each other face to face. The private really is political -- and so I sincerely hope that things work out in the best possible way for you, and that you are truly blessed.

I just want to add that no matter what you choose to do, I hope that your wedding and reception turn out wonderfully. All the best to you and your fiance!!

[stefania4]

Originally posted by lakelady1
(PS - Your comment that your DH doesn't "look" Asian but his mother does worries me a bit . . . as if you are more comfortable letting him "pass" into your family . . . I'm sure it wasn't meant that way, but I wonder if your DH and his family wouldn't find it hurtful. They may have grandparents that are not thrilled about you, either :)I was simply explaining why it would not be obvious from pictures that he's Asian. I am most certainly not trying to deny his heritage or "pass" him off as anything he isn't.

[stefania4]

Thank you all so very much for your insight!

1. I'd love to take them to dinner to talk with them beforehand, but it's a 36-hour drive roundtrip. The whole reason they've never met DH is because they live so far away, which precludes me going over for a chit-chat.

2. Those of you who mentioned the different types of racism - you're so right! My grandmother thinks it's OK, when she meets someone Jewish from New York and says "Oh, do you know my friend ABC? She's Jewish, too!" or to assume that a black teenager has a homeless future when he could very well be planning to go to medical school. In private, she is far more offensive. My grandfather loves to tell racist jokes. I've tried to leave the room, and he waits until I come back and THEN he tells the joke. He has no friends of color and the only non-Catholics he really speaks to are me, my sister, and my mother.

And just to make the waters even more choppy, both of my grandfathers and my step-grandfather fought in WWII, and love to tell war stories. DH's grandfather was in an internment camp in the US. It's still a sensitive subject.

3. I am definitely going to call this week and drop it into conversation that the food at the reception will combine both of our heritages, as we'll have both Italian and Japanese influences. I just can't stand the thought of my grandfather making a scene or my grandmother gasping as she struggles for words to say that she's sure my MIL is a very nice woman anyway. The invitations included origami cranes (a tradition in Japanese weddings), which will be another point easily brought up in conversation.

4. As for the comment that DH's grandmother may not like me, either, that's true! His Caucasian grandmother is also racist, and actually disowned her son when he married an Asian woman (DH's mom). They are now all back on speaking terms, but they haven't told her I'm Italian. She lives on the West Coast, so we've never met.

And this may all be for naught. When DH told me that his grandmother would have issues with my heritage, I thought, "So what? How could I possibly give any weight to an opinion formed on one tiny piece of information about my total being? It's obviously worthless to judge me without meeting me or knowing anything else about me." It's entirely possible that his family will feel the same way, BUT I want to avoid having anyone make a scene.

5. Lastly, I'm sorry to hear that so many of us deal with this.

[Peggy C.]

Originally posted by stefania4

5. Lastly, I'm sorry to hear that so many of us deal with this.

Very sad bottom line. But so true. ((hugs and good luck to you!))

[JHolcomb]

Originally posted by lakelady1
Okay, just one more thought . . . ;)

My father used to make horrible comments about black people. Really hurtful, racist, nasty remarks. He was an "Archie Bunker" of the worse sort.

And he knew a lot of African Americans through work and business and community.

And I never saw him treat any of them with anything less than respect. Isn't that strange? While the "talk he talked" was horrible; the "walk he walked" was truly exemplary. He treated every man and every woman based on how that person behaved and acted. And he assumed, first, that you were a person of quality until you proved yourself otherwise. Regardless of race/creed/color/national origin/whatever.

Maybe people "talk" based on how they were raised; but how they "walk" is based on the goodness of their hearts.

My paternal grandfather was the same way. He'd say things like "That Joe, he's a mighty fine N..." meaning it (in his mind) as the utmost compliment. Kind of baffling, but when you come from a county that has both a N..... Mountain and a Mulatto Mountain, you can see how that sort of thing might happen. His wife, my paternal grandmother, is more educated than he was (he had a 3rd grade education) and is also less rascist. I find it amusing that she thinks she's being forward thinking by saying "coloreds" instead of the N word. Of course, I can sort of sympathise with that...I'm part Creek and I don't even know what to call my race. I just can't keep up with the PC terms. Am I multiracial? Bi-racial? Indian? Native American? American Indian? Aboriginal American? Argh.
Anyway, my other grandma is a horrible racist in a much more harmful way than my other grandparents. She has no sense of propriety and she never learned how to use her inside voice. Apparently she was in the Medicare clinic once with my mom and she called out something about having to wait in line with "all these d@mned N". My mom was horrified and not only scolded grandma, but apologized to the people in the waiting room. Yeah. And this grandma said something about Jews that was so awful I actually had to excuse myself to vomit. Her sister (my great aunt) told me "not to come home with no Cath-O-lic boy" when I was getting ready to go to Ireland. Any wonder I used to beg not to have to visit that side of my family when I was little? Christmas was nothing but me begging my dad to let me stay with his family and not go see my mom's parents. Honestly, nothing I can say will change them, so I just prefer to avoid them. Not just because they're racist (ugh, this was the grandma that came up to me sobbing right about how "she done berried two husbands" right before I walked down the isle to be married). Oh, also the side of my family where people boycotted my wedding because they were feuding with one another and didn't want to run into each other there.

Anyway 3 things 1)My most racist grandparent is the one who is bi-racial. She's half Creek Indian.
2)My cousin married a man who is half Vietnamese and no one cared. Apparently only blacks, Jews and Mexicans are on my family's list of people to hate because of who they are.
3) OK, so my mom is a quarter Creek but looks sort of Asian (almond shaped eyes, flattish face, straight black hair). In school kids wouldn't play with her because she looked Japanese. Which is awful.

Anyway, I would take the coward's way out (I am a coward!!) and ask my parents to mention it to them, unless you're especially close (emotionally) to them. That way they can decline the reception with some lame-o excuse and save everyone a bad time.

[d_ferrero]

Wow... I guess I'm really fortunate. My grandfather (who would've been 100 this year) was the token NON-racist on the block. When petitions went around the neighborhood protesting the sale of a home to people of this or that ethnicity (as happened regularly during his lifetime) he told people he figured if the family in question worked hard and payed their bills, who was he to gripe... he didn't own any right to the property they were trying to buy or rent.

[akairo]

Stephania4 - What camp was your FIL interred at. My FIL was also interred during the war. It was a horrible experience for his family, but they were lucky to get their land back after the war.

Funny, I was worried about my family's reaction and didn't tell them until 2 weeks before the wedding. They were great. They love him dearly because of how good he is to and for me. I think that my in-laws were more disappointed in DH's choice. They wanted a Japanese DIL. I am mostly ignored by my MIL. She tries, but doesn't know what to say to me, and I am a terribly shy person. Visits are always difficult. It doesn't help that there is a huge generation gap. They are almost as old as my grandmother.

Sadly racism works two ways. I experienced it as a child also being one of two anglos in a hispanic class. In the whole school (K-8) there were about 20 kids that weren't a "minority". We were discriminated against, called names and treated horribly by both students and teachers. I hated school and was glad when my mother pulled me out to homeschool.

Congrats on your impending nuptuals. I would tell the g-parents directly. Let them decide wether or not they want to attend. If they do and behave inappropriatley it can be handled discreetly at the time by either you or your parents.

Good Luck.

Tamara

[stefania4]

Originally posted by akairo
Stephania4 - What camp was your FIL interred at. My FIL was also interred during the war.

I think that my in-laws were more disappointed in DH's choice. They wanted a Japanese DIL. It was actually my grandFIL (now deceased) - I believe he was in Montana. Prior to that he was living in California or Chicago. After being released he became a chef at some big hotel in Chicago; I'm forever indebted to him for teaching DH how to cook so well!

I'm also very fortunate in that I adore my inlaws, and they're such a cultural mix that my ethnicity is just one more to add to the pot! MIL's husband is Jewish, FIL's wife is from France, there's somw Swedish in the line somewhere, etc. Our Thanksgiving is all American food, we have tortellini soup (mine) at Christmas and ozoni soup (his) at the American New Year. But I'm sure my mother can identify with your situation. My father was the first in his family - ever - to marry a non-Italian (Mom's family came from England once upon a time). They were most disappointed to have a WASP in the family. However, everyone has worked through it and my grandmother treats Mom like her own daughter.

[greta]

stephanie,

due to a pretty big move from NY to new orleans, and a lack of internet access, i am late to this thread.

your situation sparked quite a few feelings in me. our situations are different, in that i don't have any grandparents alive, but there are some definite similarities.

for one, my DH and i had a family only ceremony back in february (my family, and a surrogate family for him--his "real" family is all in kashmir). we are having a reception in november for our extended family and friends (if i don't, my 2 closest friends may disown me). i am not so much worried about how people will react to my husband as most of them have already met him and love him--but i'm concerned with people's attitudes about choices we've made for our reception. the biggest concern is that we won't have any alcohol at the reception, 1) neither of us drink and 2) it will be during ramadan, and my husband is muslim. it would be a big NO NO. it's funny, the majority of my friends and family will be totally cool with not having any booze--it's my 2 closest friends, and some of my difficult to please relatives who will be most critical of my decision. interesting.

we also haven't figured out what the ceremony will be like...we're already married, so i'm not sure if it's appropriate to do the standard vows. what are you planning on doing?

anyway, i guess my reply is pretty off topic, but i just wanted to let you know that i feel your pain! ;)

cheers,
greta

[LauraBL]

Stephanie-

I feel for you! All I can think to say is that it takes all kinds to make the world go around. I do think you should let your grandparents know so they can digest it a bit. This isn't exactly comforting but there was a time in this country when Italians weren't exactly regarded as "white" and a time when Irish weren't considered "white" either. I envy your future children their wonderfully diverse ethnic heritage!

Laura

[stefania4]

I'm happy to report that all went well this weekend! My grandmother did whisper to me that she had "prepared" her husband for the fact that my MIL is Japanese and she "gave him a lecture" and he "promised to behave." Whatever their feelings are, they kept them private and were all perfectly well-behaved for pictures and the reception.

And if I say so myself, the reception rocked! We had a great turnout and the food was just incredible.

[lindrusso]

Originally posted by stefania4
I'm happy to report that all went well this weekend! My grandmother did whisper to me that she had "prepared" her husband for the fact that my MIL is Japanese and she "gave him a lecture" and he "promised to behave." Whatever their feelings are, they kept them private and were all perfectly well-behaved for pictures and the reception.

And if I say so myself, the reception rocked! We had a great turnout and the food was just incredible.

Glad to hear that everything went so well. :) Sometimes people can surprise us. Congratulations!

Alysha

[Peggy C.]

Glad to hear that everything went well with your Grandparents and that you had such a good time.