How do you handle people like this?

[foodfiend]

I ran into someone recently, an old classmate of mine. We were friendly to each other, but she always seemed a bit insecure. For example, she'd notice that I always ate low-food fat foods while she didn't do that necessarily. But there was never any antagonism between us.
Anyhow, we started talking and things have been going quite well for her (great job, new boyfriend). It has really plucked up her self-esteem. In the meantime, things haven't been going so great for me (lousy job). Unfortunately, she paraded around her good fortune like she won a lottery and she was quite condescending to me. I hardly got a word in.
I know this happens all the time, but how do you handle people like that? I know it's a reflection of them, not me, but I've learned that it's a sign of character to hold your head up high regardless of the circumstances you're in.
Any ideas?

[engineer]

Like you I walk away but it really eats at me. So I've come up with my own solution...which will sound bad but here goes...I figure God will get even with them in the end and I just want to be there to see it. I don't necessarily want to be the instrument of his rath but rather just a bystander.

I know it sounds bad but it really has kept me going because eventually they do have a run of bad luck/misfortune and while I don't wish that on 99.9% of people, it's comforting to know that I'm not the only one who has bad times.

[sneezles]

Originally posted by foodfiend
It has really plucked up her self-esteem. In the meantime, things haven't been going so great for me (lousy job). Unfortunately, she paraded around her good fortune like she won a lottery and she was quite condescending to me. I hardly got a word in.

While it may appear that it has plucked up her self-esteem I think she may still be very insecure to tout her good fortune and condescend your temporary bad luck.
Remeber that everything goes in cycles nothing ever stays the same.

I have a very good friend who will ahrp on her bad luck just as much as she sings about her good luck. She is also a name dropper and half the time I don't know who or what she's talking about so mostly I just ignore it. She is who she is! And there are many many things that I love about her.

It's best to ignore and remember that she is really only an old acquaintance therefore not important to you life!

[Jill123]

I'd just keep quiet and try to remember that's it might be that she's feeling "triumphant," now that things seem to be going better for her than for you, who she might have been jealous of, or idolizing in some way.

Also -- and this is just an idea! -- could it possibly be your interpretation? Maybe she never was insecure, you just thought she was. Maybe now you're seeing her in a different light, now that things aren't going so well for you -- and things seem to be going her way?

I'm just suggesting this might be a possibility -- I know that when things weren't so great for me, I had a tendency to think that certain people were gloating, or feeling superior, when I know that I was just -- for that small period in time -- feeling inferior.

Either way -- forget about it -- and concentrate on making things better for YOU! (Isn't that what's REALLY important?)

[foodfiend]

Thanks for the advice. I know it might seem like my interpretation of her attitude (and if it isn't, I'll never know), but we both have been through lousy experiences, and we've commiserated. Now that things are going better for her, I wouldn't be one to hide what I'm going through just to save face. I never saw her as competition.

[HejazSunKat]

Originally posted by sneezles
While it may appear that it has plucked up her self-esteem I think she may still be very insecure to tout her good fortune and condescend your temporary bad luck.

Exactly. People like this are so tiresome because as you said, foodfiend, the whole conversation is about them, them, them. Once it dawns on me that the person has absolutely no interest in what's going on in my life but instead wants to carry on about their current good fortune to pump up their own ego at my expense I go into Yes-woman-mode, giving them what they want to hear: A bunch of "Oh really? s" and "How wonderful for you! s" until I can gracefully get away. After that I just avoid them like the plague. Who needs that? I'd rather be with real friends.

[sunberst]

just keep smiling.

maybe she has gotten a stroke of good fortune, and she just cannot contain it to herself. maybe she is not so well off, and is trying to make up for it by telling herself, and you, that everything is dandy.

more often than not, people who brag about their perfect happy lives are not all that happy inside.

so just smile & dont let it bother you.

[mbrogier]

She would be a person that would have a "bless her heart" after her name whenever her name came up. People like this just won't change, so instead of dragging ourselves through their mud, we Southern women just smile knowingly and "bless their little hearts".

Now, blessing children's hearts is a totally different matter.

[foodfiend]

Sometimes I wonder what would happen if instead of keeping quiet and walking away, and I actually said something to them. Nothing too nasty, but something like, "Do you realize you're being condescending? I'm surprised at you. I thought you were a friend."

[BarbaraL]

As others have already said, I'd just "consider the source" and end the conversation as soon as possible,and then avoid this person. I used to have a "friend" like this: no matter what you did/had, she did/had something better. She'd brag about her fabulous boyfriend, fabulous weekend, or whatever. I always congratulated her, or commented how great her situation was, but NEVER was envious -- it used to annoy her like crazy! I always assumed her competitiveness and need to be better than the rest of us was a sign of insecurity.

As far as projecting your own feelings onto her, that's a tough one. I've been the victim of that one -- a friend asked me how things were going, and it happened that I'd had some good luck, and I told her about it (NOT boastfully, and NOT at great length). Later, a coworker (with whom I didn't get along) complained about my "bragging." No matter what I did or said, this woman always managed to find a way to criticize.

But if you examine your feelings honestly, and conclude that you really weren't "projecting," I'd guess that you're probably right about your friend. Some people can only feel good about themselves if they feel superior to others. If this is this woman's standard way of behaving, I'd avoid her like the plague. If she just happened to be in a very good place in her life and was annoyingly enthusiastic that particular day, she might be worth another try. Either way, it doesn't sound like you'll see her often anyway.

[DmOrtega]

Originally posted by foodfiend
Sometimes I wonder what would happen if instead of keeping quiet and walking away, and I actually said something ...

Try it - Tell her how happy you are that things are going so well for her, give her a great big hug, then change the subject.

[Wendy w]

Originally posted by mbrogier
we Southern women just smile knowingly and "bless their little hearts".



LOL!!
:D Funny that you should bring this up. A friend of mine moved from CA to South Carolina a few years ago and told her sister, who is also a friend of mine, that Southern women never say (*&)_ you, they say "bless your little heart". ;)

[Gail]

Originally posted by mbrogier
She would be a person that would have a "bless her heart" after her name whenever her name came up. People like this just won't change, so instead of dragging ourselves through their mud, we Southern women just smile knowingly and "bless their little hearts".

Now, blessing children's hearts is a totally different matter.

I think that's a perfect solution.

Dunno if that's as effective without the accent, but I vote for giving it a try.