Please help- what do I wear?

[gertdog]

My DH's grandfather passed away last night. We are leaving tomorrow morning to attend the services.

I am lucky to be able to say that I have never attended a funeral. But this means that I also am not entirely sure what the appropriate attire is. There is a visitation tomorrow night, a church service on Friday morning, and a wake later on Friday. I am not even sure what a visitation or a wake entail.

I have one black sleeveless sheath dress, and one longer dress that is black with small tan dots. The sleeveless dress is "dressier" but would sleeveless be inappropriate for a church service?

Is black expected at a visitation as well as at the funeral service? Are dresses expected or could I wear nice black pants and a dark top?

Thank you for any help, opinions, etc. you can provide.

Stephanie

[lhall]

I didn't wear black to my mother's funeral. Mainly because she'd have come back from the grave to torment me if I had. :D

I wouldn't wear a sleeveless dress to a funeral, but something nice in any color would be fine. It doesn't have to be black.

I am sorry to hear about your loss.

Leigh

[alisajean]

Sorry for your loss . . I personally don't think there is a wrong or right outfit. Black pants and top would be appropriate. Both dresses sound good as long as they are not "too dressy." I would wear the pants to the calling hours and the dress to the actual funeral.

[Molli526]

I agree with Leigh. I don't think you have to wear black, just something nice and on the conservative end of the spectrum. I think you would be much more comfotable at the visitation in pants.

I am sorry for your loss.

[LaraW]

I agree, I think something dressy and on the conservative end in any color would be appropriate.

Sorry to hear about your loss.

[Melman]

After doing a tremendous number of years without having to go to a funeral, this has been a tough year.

I would say that anything respectable will be fine. I wore a sleeveless sundress to a funeral for a great uncle's funeral (it wasn't a bright floral sundress...but I knew the graveside portion of the service was going to be standing in 90+ degree temperatures), black pants and a sweater set to my grandfather's funeral (it was in February), black pants and another sweater set to my ex-grandfather-in-law's visitation, a nice pants outfit to another funeral.

Lots of people were black or darker colors, but I've seen lots of colors at both visitations and funerals.

I'm also sorry to hear about your loss.

[Terrytx]

Anything you would feel comfortable wearing to any church service will do just fine. Women showed up in pants and men in slacks with no tie for my Mom's recently. Neither my Dad or DH or I wore black. The DSes didn't wear a tie. You will be just fine with anything you feel comfortable in. I am so sorry for your loss.

[Leisa M]

I would wear the sleeveless dress, but do you have a blazer or jacket of some kind that you could wear on top of it? I can say that I have been to 3 funerals in my lifetime unfortunately.

Maybe you have a dark Navy dress. That would also be fine.

[jjsooner73]

I am so sorry for your loss.

I pretty much agree with what's been said here. Just make sure you are comfortable in whatever you wehre. I did wear a sleeveless dress/no hose to my nephew's funeral. It was July in OK=HOT, and I had packed in a daze before driving home and it's just what I grabbed. It was dark colors, and dressy (for me). It was a Casual Corner dress, and I was comfortable in it.
I wore a black turtleneck/green skirt to my grandmother's funeral. I also wore that to my coworker's FIL's funeral (I attended 3 in 2002. Ugh. :( )

At least in my small hometown, pretty much anything (decent) goes for visitation. We had visitation all day, and people came in jeans, some firemen came in uniform, other workers in their work clothes (A/C man, mechanic, etc) during their lunch.

[JenZen]

I was just at a funeral this week, and I wore a black sleeveless dress with sandals. I think the expectations are greatly relaxed from the days of Queen Victoria. You don't even have to wear black. At the funeral, I saw a close relative wearing a bright fushia dress with a black cardigan sweater. I actually thought that was nice, because black only adds to the sorrow. Why not celebrate life instead?

[HejazSunKat]

Originally posted by lhall
I didn't wear black to my mother's funeral. Mainly because she'd have come back from the grave to torment me if I had. :D

Me too. I wore a red suit to my mother's funeral because A: She always loved it when I wore red and B: It made me feel brave. I've only worn something way out like that to my Mom's and Dad's funerals. For others I just go with something somber and subdued like in black, brown or navy and I think pants are perfectly acceptable at either the viewing or the funeral. Since it's summer I think you could get away with the sleeveless dress also. Maybe you could throw a blazer or cotton sweater over it to make it a little more subdued.

[badunnin]

Originally posted by gertdog
My DH's grandfather passed away last night. We are leaving tomorrow morning to attend the services.

I am lucky to be able to say that I have never attended a funeral. But this means that I also am not entirely sure what the appropriate attire is. There is a visitation tomorrow night, a church service on Friday morning, and a wake later on Friday. I am not even sure what a visitation or a wake entail.



So sorry for yours and your DH's lost.

Visitation in MI usually entails a funeral home, where colleagues, more distant family, etc come to pay their respects. For instance, when my grandmother passed, my dad's co-workers came, but they wouldn't have gone to the funeral itself. The wake in my experience is usually a funeral luncheon type deal - everyone sits around, eats, chats, and unwinds.

(Unfortunately, I've been to a lot of funerals, the most recent being last Wednesday). The fashion advice you've been given here is something that I concur with. I usually where conservative, dark colours (because I happen to own a lot of dark colours).

[gertdog]

Thank you all so much, for both the condolences and the thoughtful advice.

Beyond jeans and khakis (which serve as both work and play clothes for me), I really don't have much of a "wardrobe" so I am never sure what is appropriate. It helps a lot to hear your opinions and experiences. I think I will go with a navy skirt and top for the visitation and the black dotted dress for the funeral service.

Thanks also for explaining a bit about visitations and wakes- it makes me feel better to know what to expect.

See you in a few days-

Stephanie