The Me I Want To Be - week of Aug. 10

[pbutterfly]

Hey gang. Sorry I wasn't more active last week - in so many ways! This back thing is still a bummer, but it's slowly getting better.

The talk about postive thinking last week got me thinking about a saying that's on the wall at my Weight Watcher's center (which became this week's topic) --

Behind every action, there's a postive intention.

We had a long debate over that in one meeting, actually, but I think it's true, when you really explore it. Somewhere, in every choice, there's a postive intention - to feel better, to help someone, to learn something... something. It may not manifest itself positively, but it's there - even when someone's being mean, manipulative, or saying downright nasty things, it's usually driven by the postive intention for them to feel better, even for a moment, about themselves, or to feel in control.

Then, I picked up my long-abandoned Geneen Roth "Why Weight?" workbook, figuring if I can't be physically very active right now I could work on the mental and emotional aspects of this journey towards better health. One of the early exercises is entitled "Why Weight?" and explores a little of this postive intention idea. I found it very helpful to reframe my extra weight in this way - what has it given me (or had I hoped that it would give me) that is postive? And, how else can I meet those needs (or face the fears to destroy those needs) so that I can be more mentally and emotionally ready and revved up to get rid of the excess weight that, truly, I don't want.

Here's the exercise:
Complete the following list:

Being fat enables me to:
EXAMPLES:
1) have excuses for not quitting my job.
2) eat whatever I want.
3) know who likes me for my body and who likes me for myself.

(I'll list my own answers later, and I encourage all of you to DO the exercise before reading other's answers, as you'll likely get more out of it that way!)

Part two of my topic is this -- what two things can you do for yourself THIS WEEK to start to meet those needs in healthier ways? How can you start to change your thinking to create new answers for the postive intent so that you don't have warring intents ("I intend to lose weight" vs. "I intend to allievate boredom by eating" for example.)

:)
lynne

[pattiarl]

Tell me it's true...Lynne, are you continuing on JeAnne's good work? I have been traveling lately so I haven't been keeping up but I have really missed this thread. I have been struggling lately and although I know the journey is mine, I know that the only reason I am where I am is because of this thread. If it's true then many thanks and a pledge to you to help keep this thread alive.

I am in the middle of my fifth load of laundry and menu planning so I will come back and answer your questions.

And for those of you out there I have a question. I was successful on WW for a year (end of December) but I have really platuead this year. I know I haven't been as diligent watching what I eat in addition to letting my exercise plan slip, but I also think I need a kick start if I am to make this work again. Can you guys tell me what your eating plan is like?

Thanks to Lynne and thanks to all (with due respect to our beloved JeAnne).

Patti O.

[pbutterfly]

Patti - When JeAnne made her decision to step down as "leader", several people (myself included) volunteered to act as 'rotating leaders'. If you're interested, feel free to volunteer to start the next thread at some point when you feel inspired! :)

As for the plateau and what programs people are doing. I'm still following WW, though I, too, could use a kick or restart or some new motivation for excitement. I'm hopeful that the tweaks to the program which they are debuting soon will do that for me. If you like the WW program and want to continue it, there was once where I pretended I was brand-new when I walked in the room (sat through the orientation, spent the week looking up every point and studying the books). That helped, and might be worth a shot.

:)
lynne

[ebobbitt]

Hi ladies! Thought I'd respond early this week cause I never know what's going to fly apart at work. To answer the question:

Being fat enables me to:
1. Have something to blame all my shortcomings on even if it makes no sense whatsoever.
2. Have a great starting point for a pity party!

I've decided there's really no excuse for my weight other than I haven't been able to stay focused on the business at hand. But I have told myself I will accept no more excuses -- I'm just going to do it.

Patti, I too am doing WW. It's the only thing that has ever worked for me. I am a lifetime member that became lazy. Now I'm working at losing it all (plus more) again. The way I am motivated to keep going is to try new recipes. Oh sure, I have weeks that I basically eat the same thing several days in a row but usually I make my menu a week at a time, make my grocery list, grocery shop and start cooking. I find cooking is such a creative outlet for me.

Everybody have a good week and I'll check in again when I have time.

[Chefzhat]

Lynne, I'm still struggling with my back as well - hopefully things will begin to improve for both of us this week!! I'm getting ready to go out and do a slow walk right now, I can't stand laying around anymore!

When I was heavier, my weight gave me an excuse to:

1. Sit around more because I was "tired".
2. Excuse not to go out because I had nothing to wear.
3. Eat what I wanted because it didn't matter, I was already heavy.
4. Buy lots of jewelry because at least it fit:D (okay, that was a good side effect of the weight!)
5. Not try new things.

Good discussion topic! I'd be happy to start next weeks thread if no one else has volunteered. Let me know so I can start trolling for ideas!!

Have a great week everyone - it's Monday - a perfect day for a clean eats day! (my motto for today!)

Debie

[Jessica]

Thanks for starting this thread, lynne. Great topic.

Being overweight allowed me to ignore my real problems. Now that I am losing weight, I am actually dealing with some of the issues that caused me to overeat in the first place.

On the bright side, if I had never gained weight, I doubt I would be this focused on fitness and nutrition.

Oh, and after nearly two months of maintenance I am down two more pounds. I don't think I have maintained for this long and I think a serious cutback in sugar helped me get back on the loss track. JeAnne--you are right. Sugar for me is like crack--I just have to keep going back for more.

Would anyone like to volunteer for next week's thread??

[pbutterfly]

My answers to the topic:
Being fat enables (or has, in the past, enabled) me to:
- feel safe and protected behind a 'wall'
- have a surface excuse for people not liking me ("Well, they just see the fat and don't give the me underneath a chance.")
- rebel against my parents/society and what I "should" be/look like
- not take risks, especially athletically or physically.

Some of these answers are from recently and some apply less than they did when I wrote them (the first time I picked up this book in 1999). It's interesting to me to see how to meet the positive things in new ways - like building better self-esteem so that I don't measure my worth on whether other people like me... or conquering the fear of the 'risky' things and finding the high from actually trying new things (and sometimes even succeeding!). And, as I've gotten older, I don't really feel the need to rebel against my parents or society anymore. That one's really gone from the list altogether. Instead of trying to meet or thwart someone else's desires for me, I want to meet my own desires - which include being healthy and having a full life!

Elizabeth - Ah, yes, pity parties! I know those well. I find I 'need' them less in my life (though I can't say I NEVER fall into them!) when I give myself more postive attention - like pampering and bubble baths and just time to appreciate the postive things I have. Have you found anything that reduces your frequency of pity parties?

Debie - I think you're the first to volunteer for next week's 'leader' slot, so I guess it's all yours! :) I thought your list was thought-provoking, and a lot of it hit home for me. (I love the jewelry thing - I have a lot of earrings that I bought when I was shopping with 'skinny friends' as that was the only thing in certain stores that I knew would fit me!) I hope our backs continue to get better.... I'm going to a physical therapist soon (as soon as I can get the appointment) - do you have to do that?

Jessica - I agree with you, if I'd never been so unhealthy with my weight, I wouldn't have learned so much about how to be healthy and be doing the things I am doing now.

:)
lynne

[greysangel]

Interesting topic this week.

I'm not sure there are positive intentions behind every action, but there are intentions. There were a lot of things I got out of being overweight and the work to take off the weight was more overwhelming than the desire to lose it. I also feel where I am now, there's no real anxiety to get to the finish line. Yes, I want progress, yes I still want to lose weight, but my life is already leaps and bounds over what it was. Apart from pushing myself in an athletic sense and my vanity (wanting to be smaller), I honestly don't feel my life is going to alter in another 10, 20 or even 30 pounds. It's frustrating to work incredibly hard for miniscule differences, but on the other hand...I have what I want already :D The rest is gravy. I think I'm off topic now ;)

Anyhoo...

Patti - Sounds like you're not giving it 100% so it's not the plan that is not working. You may need a kickstart, but it's not necessarily some trick or some new "thing" to do it. First you need to find the desire and motivation to achieve your goals. A new program or revamping your current program may be the thing that gives you the "spark". It could be cutting out sugar, lowering fat, cutting out processed foods, trying more of a balance...something you feel good about. You may want to focus on the gym or exercise. Then you need persistence and consistency to follow through.

As for my eating, 6 days a week I am a hawk. My meals are balanced in protein and carb. There are no processed foods or sugar whatsoever. The 7th day, I loosen the reins to a point. I try to stick withing a manageable point range, but it will be a carb heavier day or I may bake something or indulge in a slice of pizza or pasta or bread or a cookie :D I may even have a beer. But it's moderated.

Jessica - I'm glad that you have recognized the sugar in connection with your body. It is also that way for me more than anything else. Once I start with sugar, I really have to be mindful to stop...the body just keeps wanting more and more. I was at a picnic over the weekend and had a couple chocolate chip cookies and an ice cream pop. I actually felt flush from the sugar and the desire was to keep going...to leave the picnic and find more dessert! lol. Luckily for me, there is nothing in the house and we decided to stay in once we got home. But it's a challenge. I also noticed how much better I felt on Sunday when I was back on track in terms of the rigid eating. It's such a struggle for me. Mentally I love having a free meal and enjoy really enjoying food without worrying about balance etc. But physically, I am "humming" when I'm properly fueling the furnace!

Gosh I'm chatty today!

Anyhoo make it a great one everybody!

JeAnne

[Chefzhat]

Lynne, I'm working with a chiropractor to adjust some discs in my low back (L4, L5) and hopefully a final adjustment today or tomorrow will put me back into alignment and then I'll be able to work on the swelling around the injury site. Crossing my fingers that this improves this week - I'm going camping at the end of the week and that will not be pretty if my back is still giving me fits!

I'll post next week's topic either on Sunday evening or first thing on Monday morning. I'm excited! Does anyone else think that getting more personally involved in creating and maintaining the thread gives us more ownership, and therefore more motivation?? Just a thought. Bless JeAnne for giving us this opportunity to branch out a bit in our online activity.

Debie

[pattiarl]

JeAnne, I totally agree that I am not giving it 100% but I also know that I am eating way too many carbs. I am faitfully jornaling today and have printed out the points for Au Bon Pain since I know I am going there for lunch.

I also know that I need to vary my exercise which I am finding far more difficult to do. I really need an exercise buddy to force me to branch out because I would do step every chance I get--along with Body Pump and some sculpt classes.

P.S. One girl's jewelry is another girl's shoes :) I have always had skinny feet and while it is hard to find 7 1/2 narrows, it's not as demoralizing as the clothing sizes I was wearing.

Good day all.

Patti O.

[greysangel]

shoooooooooooooooooooooes :D

[pbutterfly]

Debie - I've actually never been to a chiropractor (the cracking bit scares me, and though I know not all chiros do that, it's still kept me away)! It sounds like you're making progress, which is great! I haven't taken any meds for it today at all, and it still feels better than it has all week, so I feel good about my progress too.

I do think that the new form of the board makes us all (or at least me!) a little more active - we don't have JeAnne to rely on for a topic or to lean on too much. She's still here (yay!) and supportive (double yay!), but spreading the responsibility around certainly makes me feel more motivated to do well and be here.

LOL about the shoes! :)

Patti - Sounds like you're starting to get specific about what areas need improvement. Less carbs (especially white-flour ones) makes a huge difference for me, when I pay attention to it. It's the planning ahead that's make-or-break for me. New exercises are important, too, as are buddies if you can find 'em. If not, perhaps you can try to connect with the instructor of a given class. When I miss my yoga class, I know that the instructor notices (and he always asks if I'm okay when I come back). That's an extra level of accountability which can make me get myself to class on days I'm wishing I were curled up with a good book! :)

lynne

[SallyCC]

Good topic this week. I see the role that overeating/comfort eating plays in my life as a response to stress and a learned behavior in calming myself. I have lived this lesson in many situations and it takes me a while (sometimes) to make the connection. Therefore really learning to ways to nuture and comfort myself and know that "I deserve to be comforted" is important to me.

I have been really watching carbs and processed food and see a big difference. I'm down about 5.5 pounds in three weeks...which is huge for me. I feel alot better also. I need to continue to develop resources to make sure I stay on this path.... quality recipes, planned snacks throughout the day. I have also started to play golf with some friends (wow, I feel old now!!) and I have really enjoyed it. Walking around the golf courses in the heat and humidity of the past couple of weeks here may have helped too.

What a journey!!

Lynne....Thanks for starting this thread. I hope you feel better soon.


Sally

[pbutterfly]

Sally - That's great that you're doing so well with watching your processed food intake and exercise! Congrats!! :) (As long as you're walking more than riding on the golf course, you're far from old! Heck, if you're still playing, you're not too old!!)

How's everyone else doing this week?

lynne

[greysangel]

i want a cookie :(

[Hkgall]

I just had a cookie (or 6)... Trust me, you don't really want it.

I'm journaling them and I'm going to eat a good dinner that keeps me in my pts range for today.

Will write more on the topic tomorrow...

Happy Tuesday!

[pattiarl]

Cookies!! I want a cookie....My lunch date just cancelled so while I was planning on a yummy salad I had a granola bar instead.

I am trying to hold off until dinner so I can fix something and actually eat it. (I'm dating this new guy and trying to show him I can cook---first I turned the brown rice to mush and last night I let the water dry up while I steaming the green beans prompting him to ask what was burning :()

Maybe I can't cook :confused:

Good day all and no more talk of cookies.

Patti O.

[Chefzhat]

How's everyone's week going? Not bad for me. Had a bit of a run in with a small bag of Sun Chips - but I'm past it now. Must be TOM!

Today we are going to a water/amusement park so that should be lots of exercise; I've already walked my 2 miles; and I'm getting packed to take the boys camping this weekend. I'm trying to figure out how to bring along good food to eat while everyone else is eating junk. I usually do good the first couple of days, then by Saturday night I'm eating hobo pies and popcorn with the rest of campers - I would really like to avoid that.

Debie

[Jessica]

I am not having as good a week as I planned re: sugar. I am so stressed out this week that any change just is not going to work. But I am not buying any more sweets and we have nothing in the house but some cookies my DH bought and I don't like them, so I think my sugar intake will have to drop.

My regular Tuesday night exercise instructor was absent--and she was replaced by the Energizer Bunny. I made it through the workout, though, and I am not too sore today.

[ebobbitt]

LOL! Energizer bunny.....:D

[greysangel]

Jessica;

Not having stuff in the house is a good plan. DH has pringles which I'm not too crazy about so I'm safe. I did go through this nut phase where I literally would go through a bag of pecans or almonds if they were in the cupboard. So now, I just buy them if I'm baking :D

Things are better for me today...hormonally speaking :D I managed to stay away from cookies and other stuff and stuck to plan. Things have been busier at work which is actually a good thing. I'm finally starting to feel like I understand more what my function here is :)

Have a great day everyone!

JeAnne

[pbutterfly]

I'm finding lately that I don't always get those wonderful emails that tell me when somebody's posted to the thread. Sometimes I do, but sometimes I don't. Anyone else having this happen? Anyone have a solution for it? It's buggin' me.

JeAnne - glad to hear you made it past the cookie craving. I didn't, but it's over, and there aren't any in the house, so I think I'm safe. I had the points for it, so it's not a total screw-up, but I'm going to try and use it as a reminder to make healthier choices the rest of the week. Cookies aren't worth it! On a brighter note, I am glad that things are going well at work and you're starting to find your function. :)

Patti - I think you're probably feeling so much pressure to impress this guy that you're forgetting that you CAN cook - and cook well! I guess that's an indicator that he's pretty special! :)

Debie - What junkie foods are coming on the camping trip? What of those can will you REALLY want, and can you plan for some of it? What of those won't you miss at all, and what's a good sub for it? Are you taking a cooler? Maybe some lowfat chips (like Soy Crisps) would be something to consider (though they can get mashed to smithereens in the bottom of a bag!). I'm not a big camper, but I'll try and think of more things in the coming day or so.

:)
lynne

[heide]

Hi all. I don't know why it's taken me most of the week to get here. I do know that after posting last week that this was all so easy, I skipped 4 workouts in the past 8 days and failed to write down numerous tootsie roll bites and M&Ms, then I made tortellini with cheese sauce for dinner last night and now I'm a few points in the hole for the week. I probably won't lose at WI tomorrow. Oh well. It's all a process. I'm moving on and I just had carrot sticks with lowfat ranch dressing for a snack.

Anyway, regarding the question of the week, this is something that I thought about long and hard about 10 years ago, yet I never lost the weight then. The thing is, being fat always allowed me to hide from the high expectations everyone had of me. I was a scarily smart kid with blond hair and blue eyes and I should have sailed through a perfect life. Being fat gave me an excuse for not being perfect. I never was so fat that I stood out as "the fat kid" but I was always fat enough that I wasn't perfect. If I didn't have a boyfriend, it was because I was fat. If I didn't get straight A's, I could use fat as a shield. I supposedly had everything going for me, so my life should have been perfect. It was terrifying to think that there might be a reason that I wasn't, other than fat.

The thing is, I dropped out of the perfect track about 5 years ago, when I joined the Peace Corps at age 29, and have been trying to take off the fat layer of protection ever since. I've had excuses, like a crazy transient existence until about a year ago, but I've been in one place for a year, without a huge amount of travel, so I'm finally getting rid of the excuses. No one expects me to be perfect, and really, I have a pretty great life: I have a loving husband who enjoys travelling the world with me. So again, I say, this is my year.

I hope everyone is getting through the week and dealing well with challenges like cookies ;)

[pattiarl]

Lynne? JeAnne? You guys still in the dark?

Patti O.

[pbutterfly]

Well, that was an adventure! (Interesting, but thankfully, not too scary...) I was at work when the lights went out, and working in an old theatre basement, of course we assumed it was just us (since it happens in that basement every couple of months or so). Didn't take long to find out that it wasn't (though it did take making a phone call to my step-mother in Kentucky who HAD power - and CNN - to find out the details).

I have lights now. We were the last area of NYC to get power back according to the news - at 9:03 Friday night! I think JeAnne was only slightly luckier - hers came back sometime that afternoon (and she was in the last area of her town to get power restored as well - what's with that?! :))

My back's worse, after all the walking, but I'm just so thankful that it was only a blackout and nothing worse -- and that we had drinkable water and enough dry goods on hand.

Now, is it a blessing or a curse that the Whole Foods that I pass on my walk home from work ran out of the free ice cream -- all kinds, all sizes -- that they were handing out just as I got to that block of my walk?

I'll think of it as a blessing - no extra calories to account for! :)

lynne