Question about Miscarriage

[Molli526]

Hi. I am trying to help a friend. She just had a miscarriage this weekend and wants to start trying for another as soon as possible. She has read different amounts of time to wait before trying. She won't see her doctor for a couple of weeks.

How long to wait before starting to try again?

[slknight]

Hi, Molli. I am very sorry for your friend's loss. Been there. Done that. It's no fun.:( Big (((hugs))) to her.

As for how soon to try again, really, all the answers are different. I've heard that the standard that doctors recommend is 3 months. It can take a little bit of time for your body to get back to normal, so even if you're trying, you might not get pregnant. I have also heard of an increased risk of m/c if you conceive right away. But I do not know if this is statistically true or an old wives tale.

But then again, I know of many, many people who did not wait, tried again, and got pregnant right away and had healthy pregnancies. I sometimes think that doctors say 3 months more for mental healing instead of physical healing. Of course if she had a D&C then she might want to wait because there is a bit more healing involved with that. I'd say if it makes her feel better emotionally, she should try again as soon as she wants, but that's just MHO. Certainly not a medical opinion.

There used to be a really good pregnancy loss board over at parentsplace.com, but they have recently changed their bulletin board software and a lot of board members from various boards have re-located. I'm not sure if that board is still too active or not, but she might want to check it out. And if she does get pregnant again, I can recommend a good pregnancy after loss board for her.

Susan

[Molli526]

Thanks, I will tell her to check out parentsplace. What is the name of the other board? I will give that to her now as well. Thanks :)

I did forget to add that she miscarried at 6 weeks, so didn't need the D&C, which sounds like it does make a difference.

[slknight]

Here's the Pregnancy After Loss (PAL) board:

http://gynosaur.com/phorum/list.php?f=26

It's a lot of re-located people from the old PAL board on parentsplace.

There's also a trying to conceive after miscarriage (TTCAM):
http://gynosaur.com/phorum/list.php?f=2

The TTCAM board at parentsplace might still be busy though, not sure.

I thought there were similar boards on network54 (where our parenting after loss playgroup went), but I couldn't find them.

And just as a total aside, it is unbelievable how many people fled from iVillage (parentsplace) when they changed their software. The boards just completely lost their whole appeal. A really, really bad decision on their part. I wouldn't be surprised if their traffic is way down and are losing advertisers. I always feel so happy to have this board here.

[newtricks]

Molli -
Not a doctor but I can tell you what my dr told me. The 3 month waiting period is a guideline to help the woman get over the emotional effects of the miscarriage, not the physical. I had absolutely no interest in waiting for three months before trying again. She told me to wait until after I had gotten my first period (4-6 weeks after the miscarriage/ d&c) and then I could try.

After my first miscarriage it took my 7 months to get pg with my son. And after my second, I got pg the first month I tried. And I have a friend who had a whoops pregnancy before she even had her first period after a miscarriage. My dr. said about that - when your body is ready to get pg again, you'll get pg.

I know this is all anecdotal and every doctor has different feelings about it. You're a good friend for trying to help her out. Good luck to her.

[newtricks]

Also wanted to say, the miscarriage bb's that slknight suggested are a good idea. I felt very isolated and hungry for information after my first miscarriage and reading those probably would have helped me a lot.

[Molli526]

Thanks for your help. My friend will appreciate these boards and antecdotal advice.

[RebeccaT]

Hi Molli. Hugs to your friend - I can't imagine how hard that is.

One of my close friends miscarried at 7 weeks last summer. They waited about two months to start trying again, and she got pregnant again the second month of trying. Her baby girl is now a healthy and happy 3 month old.

I wish your friend the best of luck as she navigates through this rough time.

[Chiffonade]

Originally posted by Molli526
Hi. I am trying to help a friend. She just had a miscarriage this weekend and wants to start trying for another as soon as possible. She has read different amounts of time to wait before trying. She won't see her doctor for a couple of weeks.

How long to wait before starting to try again?

Your friend needs to wait an appropriate amount of time as determined by a doctor. She needs to be patient. Unless she's at the end of the spectrum of childbearing age, she should NOT be in a rush to try again before she is properly healed or another tragedy will result. Drive that idea home to her.

When this happened to me, it was like a private hell.

[Meg O'C]

Hi Molli,

I am so sorry for your friend's loss. I suffered a miscarriage (identical twins) back in May after a year of trying to get pregnant. It was an absolutely devastating experience. Unfortunately it is a very common event but not many people seem to talk about it or to know how to respond to it. Knowing how common miscarriage is did nothing to ease the pain for me. From my own experience (and I know everyone is different), having friends and family members who were willing to listen to me talk and let me feel whatever I wanted to feel was very helpful. Some days are still very tough for me because I just feel very sad and alone but most days I feel stronger and hopeful about the future.

My doctor told me to wait two months before starting to try again. We did and I am glad. Some of my girlfriends knew others who had experienced miscarriage and then gotten pregnant again soon afterwards so they were questioning why I was waiting (in about half the stories I heard of women who got pregnant soon after a miscarriage, they miscarried again). If I had tried to get pregnant again right away and then miscarried again, I don't think I could have handled it and it would have been tough not to feel responsible for a second miscarriage since my doctor had specifically told me to wait. Emotionally I just wasn't ready to try to get pregnant again that soon afterwards. The two months of healing, both physically and emotionally, were just what I needed. Also, having tried for so long to get pregnant, I just wasn't ready to be back in "trying" mode again so quickly (I had been so happy to leave the thermometer, charting, fertility monitor, etc. behind). It was nice to just be with my husband without feeling like we were trying to accomplish something!

Even though I had a d&c, my doctor told me that I could expect my first period after the miscarriage to be heavy and painful because my uterus would really be shedding anything that was left from the pregnancy. It wasn't that bad. Then my next period was pretty normal so after two months and two periods, I did feel physically better about things being right to try.

Your friend is lucky to have you! The best thing you can do is to be there for her (which you are already doing!). I'll be keeping her in mind and praying for her recovery (physically and emotionally) and a healthy next pregnancy whenever she is ready.

Meg

[Gail]

I think it's admirable that you want to help your friend and maybe this is simply a stupid question, but why doesn't your friend simply put in a question via phone to her doctor? Seems to me that no one would have a better answer than someone familiar with her particular case.

[lakelady1]

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend . . . I had four miscarriages and the first two were particularly hard emotionally as they were before I had any children and made me wonder if I would ever go to term. (The three 9-10 pounders I had later proved that a needless concern.) With my miscarriages, I was only advised to wait one cycle before trying again. But, my miscarriages were very early in the pregnancies, around 8 weeks. In another generation, a woman wouldn't even be sure she was pregnant at that point.

Also, there is no reason for her to go through this alone, medically speaking. If she wants to see her doctor, by gosh, get him on the phone and insist!

[bmonczka]

www.babycenter.com is an excellent site too. There have very good bulletin boards and tons of info/articles with everything from fertility problems to parenting tips. She might find something of value or some support on that site as well.

I'm very sorry to hear about your friend's loss, I miscarried 2 years ago after trying for over 3 years. We are ready, we think, to jump back in and go for it again but it's tough, there is always that fear in the back of your mind but I've known a lot of women who miscarried their first pregancy and now have beautiful babies.