The Me I Want to Be--Week of September 8

[Jessica]

Good Morning!!! I hope everyone had a terrific weekend.

I found the idea for this week's topic as I was working out on the elliptical and reading my Shape magazine. The October issue (which I received last week--CL are you listening??) has a focus on celebrity bodies and features exercise and diet tips from famous people and their trainers. I usually enjoy reading Shape but these articles annoyed me. Maybe I could get something more like J Lo's abs if I had my own trainer to work out with me every day and a cook to prepare meals. But for most of us, looking good is not our full-time job. And, I think we all know many of those actors and singers have had a little extra help, whether it is is surgery or airbrushing.

Soooooooo......what are your unrealistic expectations for your body? Do you think they are influenced by the media? How do you work to let go of these expectations?

My main unrealistic expectation concerns bra size. At 5'3" and 132 pounds, I wear a 34D. No amount of exercise and dieting is going to give me the flat chest that most of today's fashions require. I try to tell myself I'd be happy if I could drop back into a C cup, but I envy my B friends and their tight tank tops and halters. I think I wouldn't mind so much if it weren't so hard to find nice clothes that fit my chest and don't look baggy everywhere else.

Just to check in with my no-sugar goals. This week's goal is to avoid desserts three days in a row. Today is Day Two of Three and I am much less grouchy than I was last week at Day Two.

Have a great week!!

[pbutterfly]

I totally agree about this month's Shape. I don't care how the celebs with all their money and trainers and chefs do it... give me real-situation tips! (To be fair, some of the best tips I've read in mags have been from the celeb trainers, but I don't need to have another magazine - especially one that's supposed to be promoting health! - trying to make me compare myself to the Hollywood crowd!)

What are my unrealistic expectations? I'm trying to let go of them, but the biggest one is that if I only work hard enough I, too, could have washboard abs. I've never had anything close. The fashion trends of the last few years haven't helped that, so yes, I do think it's influenced by the media. I've started to make a shift in my thinking, though, by looking around at 'real' people (ignore the fact that Calista Flockhart lives on my block - while her thin body IS real for her, she's not the neighbor I mean here!) -- there is such variation in bodies, and so many are attractive, that to think I have to (or even would like to) be ONE CERTAIN WAY is not only unfair to my genetics, but is also unfair in general. There are really sexy women who don't have washboard abs. There are really happy women who don't, either. I'm finding moving the focus from visual to internal is the key - I want to be healthy, feel good about myself (hence finding the key to true sexiness), and be the best ME I can be. Those are more worthy goals and expectations, for me.

Jessica - As someone who deals with clothes on all body types (I work in theatrical costuming), here's a little tip from me to you -- find someone who's good with sewing and have a few pieces tailored to you. If you can find a student - or a friend - it doesn't have to be very expensive at all... sometimes you can barter. ("I'll help you edit your papers for class if you'll fix my clothes.") When I worked on soaps, it was VERY rare that anything was worn right off the rack - usually there was some alteration to make it fit the actor better. :)

lynne

[greysangel]

GREAT TOPIC!!!!!!

I too got that Shape (I'm still getting a free subscription from NY Sports Club of which I haven't been a member for like a year) and was TOTALLY annoyed. Not only what you mentioned Jessica, but the fact that there IS NO SUCH THING AS SPOT TRAINING!!! :mad: :mad: Yes, JLo has fantastic abs and I'm sure she does five million bajillion crunches, but part of that is GENETICS! JLO wouldn't have long sinewy arms, Calista Flockhart wouldn't have JLo's butt no matter how many squats and lunges she did. The more I work out and become in tune with my body, the more I realize things like this. Shape should totally know better than to do an article like this. Plus I'm peeved that they did a feature on "coupling". The British equivalent of this show is AWESOME...hilarious and very well done. I cannot understand why they have to get a different cast to bring it to the US. But now I'm off topic :D

Jessica I sympathize on the fashion thing. Actually I would have been pretty happy to stay in a c cup, but I've pretty much moved down to B. And even at that "average" size, I have trouble with shirts... if it's fitted on my body, it's tight across that area. What are they making shirts for...size a?

My unrealistic expectations are speed of change. All weekend I've been sort of feeling like "hmmm feeling good, looking good, life is good." Basically very good inner dialogue with the feeling that there is no rush to progress..sort of happy with enjoying the journey. And then I think to myself, why can't I hold on to this feeling? Why do I inevitably go back to beating myself up for not dropping more weight or being thinner etc? Will I be happier, more fit, life be better in 5 or 10 lbs? I guess I dont know why I still go through the cycle of being happy to beating myself up when life is better than it's ever been. I think maybe there's the twinge of jealousy that I haven't got to goal when others have. Or feeling like a failure because I'm not at goal yet. It's a vicious cycle!

JeAnne

[Jessica]

Originally posted by greysangel
but the fact that there IS NO SUCH THING AS SPOT TRAINING!!! :mad: :mad:

I noticed that, too. Maybe we should all write to Shape--I usually like that magazine's articles and approach. I would prefer stories about how real women fit workouts and healthy choices into their lifestyles.

Hope your bug is gone, JeAnne. Sounds like you're in a good mental place. I can sympathize with you--I veer easily between confidence and frustration.

Lynne--good idea on the clothes. I don't have any friends who can sew like that...curtains and basic stuff but not tailoring. I do take a few things in when they need to be shortened; maybe I should budget for tailoring on a few nice tops or a dress.

[badunnin]

Originally posted by greysangel
What are they making shirts for...size a?


No, they are making them for men. :rolleyes:

My unrealistic expectations are similar to yours, JeAnne... speed of change. I lose 2 lbs, feel great about myself for having gone back to the gym and gotten back on track, and I expect my jeans to magically fit better again after a week. Ummm, not going to happen Trudi (sorry, I tend to address things to myself, and using my nickname no less.) It will take weeks before they fit right again, and I can't expect to be able to fit into my tight pants just because I went to the gym 3 days.

[zippy478]

I haven't seen that issue of Shape you are referring to but it's funny because I almost picked it up at the store the other day!

I guess my unrealistic expectations come from the fact that I "jiggle" sometimes when I move. I know that I'm probably supposed to jiggle sometimes but not quite like a bowl of jello! :rolleyes:

I can't quite put it all into words for some reason today. I think part of my expectations come from the media and how "perfect" everyone always looks. Then, they'll walk away or something like that and I will come back to reality and realize that even though they may spend thousands of dollars on looking "perfect" they still have the jiggle.

So, that said, I'm going to toast the jiggle today and realize that I am one step closer each day I work out/eat right to toning down the jiggle and if it never gets toned down to look "perfect" so be it. Who wants to be perfect anyway? Seems pretty boring to me...I just wanna be me! :p

[d_ferrero]

Originally posted by Jessica
My main unrealistic expectation concerns bra size. At 5'3" and 132 pounds, I wear a 34D. No amount of exercise and dieting is going to give me the flat chest that most of today's fashions require. I try to tell myself I'd be happy if I could drop back into a C cup, but I envy my B friends and their tight tank tops and halters. I think I wouldn't mind so much if it weren't so hard to find nice clothes that fit my chest and don't look baggy everywhere else.


Oh my gosh Jessica... except for the "132 pound" part (and I'm working towards that), you could be describing me. :O In fact, I'm not sure that some of my struggles with my weight didn't start with a need to "even out" in junior and high school... when it wasn't cool or fashionable to have a bust the size of a nursing mother.

And Jeanne/Bethany, I can also relate to the need to SEE change, and see it regularly. One of my biggest frustrations in losing weight/getting in shape with my BF is the number of people who come up to him and tell him how great he looks. Hello???? I'm not where I want to be yet, but I know I've made some visible progress too. John says people are more willing to acknowledge weight loss in men than women because women have more body image issues. (A man's not going to go ballistic that someone thought he was overweight when they commented about his weight loss). Maybe that's true, but it doesn't help with my "what about me" feelings. :confused:

I got the Shape magazine on Friday but to be honest, I haven't had a chance to look at it yet. Will read it tonight and comment back...

[pbutterfly]

Ooohhh, the 'rate of change' unrealistic expectation. That's a great one. It's so ingrained in me that I don't even think of it as an "unrealistic expectation". JeAnne, if you could bottle that great-place feeling from this weekend, you'd be a millionaire!

Jessica - Some stores tailor things for little to no cost. Some drycleaners have really good rates. If you're near a college, you could put up an ad in the theatre department. You're right, though, that having a few really good pieces that fit right is a real self-esteem booster. (Now, I should take my own advice!)

Zippy - Some jiggles are sexy! ;)

lynne

[JanetJ]

Hello ladies!

I did not see that Shape magazine article, but I don't have to. I hate those types of articles! They usually end up making me feel bad about myself because I don't have a celebrity body or the time to spend trying to get one. I've learned to skip right over those and just read the part about the exercises themselves.

My most unrealistic expectation is probably that just because people can be the same height and weight it doesn't mean their bodies look the same. I have a friend who weighs within a half pound of me and she can wear midriff baring shirts - if she wanted to. I carry my weight in my stomach and am not even close to having it show off-able. On the other hand I can wear short skirts and shorts without much thought and she feels like she needs to cover up. I get mad sometimes that she can wear things I can't, but when I think about it (or we discuss it), she's thinking the same thing about me.

My news: I joined WW again yesterday. I've been doing it on my own for so long, but really just going back and forth with the same 15 pounds. I need the discipline. I'm still in a great exercise groove, but the eating is not where it should be on a consistent basis. I'm 6 months from W-day and while I refuse to put a weight/time goal out there, now is the time to get things done. My two best friends signed up last night as well (just in a different state), so we are all in it together and I'm pretty psyched. Even if this just gives me the kickstart I need to be able to do it on my own again, it will be time and money well spent. Plus, I really liked the new leader and the new program sounds interesting.

No loss this week...stayed the same (this was pre-WW weighin), but did lose 3/4 of an inch in the last month. I'll be weighing in on Tuesdays starting next week.

Have a great day!

Janet

[Jessica]

Janet--congrats on the 3/4 inch. Good luck with WW.

Bethany, zippy and others--I totally identify with the need to see change. I will finish an amazing workout and wonder why I have not immediately dropped a dress size. I think it is particularly frustrating for those of us who have to work months, not weeks, for the tiniest bit of change.

I went to the doctor this morning to see about a rash on my hand. My BP is staying low (102/58) and I have held onto my 9-lb loss all summer. The visit reminded me that there are improvements, such as BP, that are not immediately visible but in the end are even more valuable than J Lo abs.

[badunnin]

Janet - congrats on taking the step to WW!!

Jessica - way to keep that 9 lbs off! That can be the hardest part. I lost about 35 lbs a while back, and gained back 3 of it (before this current 9 lb gain. This is the heaviest I've been in 6 years).

I'm trying a pilates/yoga class at the university tonight after my class. Should be interesting, and hopefully something I can stick with. It will be a nice change from the rink and the gym!

[pbutterfly]

Janet - Way to go on the measurement loss! :) I hope that rejoining WW (with the friends-support-group) will be just what you need to get kickstarted.

Bethany - I'm looking forward to hearing about that class. As I mentioned on the last thread, I love my yoga class, but haven't yet tried Pilates (though it sounds interesting).

Jessica - WHOOO HOO on the BP!!! That's great news, and a wonderful reminder that health is about more than the changes we can see (or the ones we can see on the scale). :) I hope to be joining you in the lowered BP ranks on my next check-up. (I was in the 'borderline' category at my last visit - it doesn't help that doctors make me nervous!!)

:)
lynne

[badunnin]

Lynne - my pi/yo class was very challenging! My hamstrings are super tight, so it's difficult for me, and the ab workout was great. I'm not sore today, and that's a good thing - I thought I might be. It was an hour long class, so I definitely got my money's worth! Today's workout will just be a walk later this evening. :)

Keep up the good work everyone!

[JanetJ]

Jessica, great news on your dr. visit!

All is well here. I'm all fired up to be "officially" back on WW and it is so nice having my friends for support. We just got done with an email exchange to try to figure out how many points my thai lunch was. :) Three workouts in this week, though I do want to get some more cardio dvd's that can be done before work (30-45 minutes-ish). Most of the ones I have are longer that I don't have time for, except on weekends. Any suggestions?

[rosie_one]

hmmm.... unrealistic expectations. This is a very good question. Hard to answer for me. The obvious media thing, the likes of J-Lo and Calista, doesn't have much sway here in Wisconsin as the local tolerance for flab is pretty high. I feel that my killer thing is that I really do expect to be able to eat the way my husband does (i.e. portion sizes) and lose weight like he is. I can't. He is 6'3" and 220, very lean, works out alot (he was quite obese in his younger days, he's down almost 100 lbs. from his newlywed weight, which is awesome). There is no way I'm burning calories like he does and yet I eat that way. Definitely my no. 1 delusion.

I hear you on the tailored clothes thing though. I made my clothes all through college (I was that theater costume shop girl) as I couldn't find them to fit. Back then 33" inseams just didn't exist outside the menswear dept. At least that I could afford. Thank goodness heels and jeans are popular again. I wear flats still, but the pants are longer. And some clothing designers have finally decided tall girls might want to dress well too. Slowly the fashion world seems to be filling in the cracks and making clothes for more sizes of real women. Though, have to admit, I looked into buying a pair of those Blue Cult jeans that are all over the hollywood set. The "large" is only a size 10 and there t'aint an extra large. ack. Guess I'm not completely impervious to the media after all. Delusion no. 2! HA.

[pbutterfly]

Bethany - Thanks for the update on the class - it sounds great!

Janet - I don't have many DVDs/tapes (though I do love my Richard Simmons Dance your Pants Off! It's silly and fun)... but try www.collagevideo.com (they have great reviews and selection). :)

Rosie - I hear you on the "eating like ___" delusion. I grew up with two beanpole brothers with 'hollow legs' who struggled to GAIN weight, and my DH decided 6 weeks ago to lose 15-20 pounds, and is already down 17 (and he can still eat more than me while doing it!). But I'm not jealous!!! :p

lynne

[greysangel]

rosie - I so hear you on the delusions. hello? husband who weighs 160 in winter and 155 in summer no matter how much/little he eats or how much/little he exercises!

It sounds like everyone is doing so well! Janet woo hoo on WW :D Accountability is a wonderful thing! Jessica keeping those pounds off! WOO HOO! No sugar challenges! Exercise classes/videos! YEE HAA. We've got fall fever :D

Well, in attempt to embrace my unrealistic expectations...I've been doing a lot of thinking. I sat down and really thought about what my goals are, what I really want and what my life would be like at goal. I came to the conclusion that 1)I would exercise like I do now 2)I would eat healthy 95% of the time like I do now and 3)I would feel comfortable in my own skin. So the only thing that is different is #3. Being at goal wouldn't be eating to oblivion. It wouldn't be cancelling my gym membership. It wouldn't be worried about any number.

So with all these things in mind, I have made a promise to myself to live like I'm at goal which means embracing the size 14 body I have TODAY. That is the only thing that is keeping me from being the me I want to be. Negativity...scale/size obsession...impatience about getting "there" (wherever there is). If I concentrate more on the blessed dissatisfaction that comes with wanting to be stronger/fitter/better and less on the painful dissatisfaction that comes with feeling insecure/inferior/incomplete I am already the me I want to be!!!

J

[traci june]

I rarely post (but read often :D )

JeAnne, that was beautiful and completely inspirational.

Thanks! I needed that!

Traci

[Jessica]

I agree. JeAnne, that was very moving.

I am leaving town this afternoon to visit my brand-new nephew. I hope everyone has a great weekend. Would someone like to take the thread on Monday?

Oh, and I managed my three days in a row without sweets this week. Four days in a row sounds too intimidating right now. My plan for next week is four days with a break in between: Sunday, Monday, Wednesday and Thursday. We will see how that goes.

[badunnin]

Jessica - I'll take the thread Monday! Have a great weekend!