Parents prefer boys?

[Ms. Chevious]

Someone sent this to me - interesting article I thought. It might explain why the family I know with 6 girls is divorced and the family with 4 boys is still together. :D (Actually I have no idea, though in my family, boys definitely hang the moon. :rolleyes: )

Oh, No: It's a Girl! Do daughters cause divorce?
By Steven E. Landsburg

If you want to stay married, three of the most ominous words you'll ever hear are "It's a girl." All over the world, boys hold marriages together, and girls break them up. In the United States, the parents of a girl are nearly 5 percent more likely to divorce than the parents of a boy. The more daughters, the bigger the effect: The parents of three girls are almost 10 percent more likely to divorce than the parents of three boys. In Mexico and Colombia the gap is wider; in Kenya it's wider still. In Vietnam, it's huge: Parents of a
girl are 25 percent more likely to divorce than parents of a boy.

Ever since the economists Gordon Dahl (at the University of Rochester)
and Enrico Moretti (at UCLA) established these facts a few months ago, they and their colleagues (and not a few of their colleagues' friends and families) have been spinning hypotheses about what's behind the numbers. Children of divorce usually stay with the mother, so the question comes down to this: Why do fathers stick around for sons when they won't stick around for daughters? (Or alternatively, why do mothers stay married so their sons can have a father when they won't do the same for their daughters?) Do fathers prefer the company of sons? Do parents think a boy needs a male role model? Do they worry that boys cope less successfully with the emotional consequences of divorce? Or do they believe that an
emotionally devastated daughter is somehow less of a tragedy than an
emotionally devastated son? Dahl and Moretti make the extremely helpful observation that all theories fall into one of two categories: Either sons improve the quality of married life (say by being more available for an evening game of catch) or sons exacerbate the pain of divorce (say by falling apart emotionally when the father leaves). Theories of the first sort suggest that a boy child is a blessing; theories of the second sort suggest that the same boy child is a curse—or at least has the potential to become a curse if the marriage starts to crumble.

So, before we decide which theory to believe, we should look for external evidence on the demand for sons versus the demand for daughters. Do most parents prefer boys or girls? Of course we all know the answer in China, with its ongoing history of female infanticide. But what about the United States? Dahl and Moretti offer several reasons to believe that American parents also have a strong preference—though not as strong as the Chinese preference—for boys over girls. Here's some of their evidence: First, divorced women with girls are substantially less likely to remarry than divorced women with boys, suggesting that daughters are a liability in the market for a husband. Not only do daughters lower the probability of remarriage; they also lower the probability that a second marriage, if it does occur, will succeed. Next, parents of girls are quite a bit more likely to try for another child than parents of boys, which suggests that there are more parents hoping for sons than for daughters. Once again, the effect is strong in the United States but even stronger elsewhere. In the United States, Colombia, or Kenya, a couple with three girls is about 4 percent more likely to try for another child than a couple with three boys; in Mexico it's closer to 9 percent, and in Vietnam it's 18 percent. In China, before the one-child policy was imposed in 1982, the number was an astounding 90 percent!

One of Dahl and Moretti's most striking bits of evidence comes from
shotgun marriages. Take a typical unmarried couple who are expecting a child and have an ultrasound, which more often than not reveals the child's sex. It turns out that such couples are more likely to get married if the child is a boy. Apparently, for unmarried fathers, the prospect of living with a wife and a son is more alluring than the prospect of living with a wife and a daughter.

So, what's the bottom line? Dahl and Moretti are quick to acknowledge
that they've found no smoking guns; if you're sufficiently clever you can probably concoct alternative explanations for everything they've
observed. But the most natural way to interpret their data is that parents, on average, prefer boys to girls. The preference is stronger elsewhere in the world, but it's plenty strong in the United States too. That seems to answer one question: Boys preserve marriages by making marriages better, not by making divorces worse. But it also raises a new question: What's so great about a boy? Why do parents prefer boys to girls? Maybe boys grow up to be better economic providers for their parents' old age. (This would explain why the preference for boys is stronger in countries where men hold more economic power.) Maybe boys are just more fun to have around. Maybe parents want a child who can carry on the family name. Or maybe there's something deep in our psyches that tells us a family just isn't a family without a son. Which is it? Dahl and Moretti wisely decline to speculate, and I will follow their example. I don't know any evidence that could settle this question. All we know is that for some reason, parents prefer boys—by enough that boys hold a lot of shaky marriages together.

Years ago on the schoolyard, we used to chant that girls are good but
boys are better. It looks like our parents agreed with us.

[jmarie]

I always read and have observed that in most cases, boys are boys until they marry...a daughter is always a daughter. Both of my children are more special to me than anyone on this earth, besides my husband. We have one of each. We have loved them both equally, hurt when they hurt, laughed when they laughed and cried when they cried. I really cannot imagine.
And that is all I have to say.
Joyce

[sneezles]

Originally posted by Ms. Chevious
In the United States, Colombia, or Kenya, a couple with three girls is about 4 percent more likely to try for another child than a couple with three boys; in Mexico it's closer to 9 percent, and in Vietnam it's 18 percent. In China, before the one-child policy was imposed in 1982, the number was an astounding 90 percent!

I didn't want to have a fourth child because I was sure it would be another boy! DH actually talked me into having a third child because he really wanted a daughter!

[LaraW]

Interesting article.

I have four sisters (no brothers), and my parents just celebrated their 36th wedding anniversary, so at least in that instance, our family does not fall into the stereotype.

However, it has been interesting to listen to peoples thoughts/whatever you might call them about whether DH and I are going to have a boy or a girl. I showed my gandmother an ultrasound picture that had a hand very distinctly in it (along with the top of the head) and her comment was "that looks like a boy's hand".

I know that there was definite favoritism with the only male grandchild (my cousin) on that side of the family, so in that case it was definitely true.

DH has one brother (no sisters) and MIL has been very vocal about wanting a grandson - to carry on the family name :rolleyes: She says things like "boys are more fun" and stuff like that, which I know SIL (mother to 2 girls) find to be offensive. Of course, this is the same woman who told me that our baby (3rd grandchild) was not worthy of as much excitement as the first grandchild, so consider the source. I am actually sort of afraid that if we do have a boy that the girls will be totally neglected/ignored by their grandparents.

[Kristilyn1]

I know I personally have a preference to boys but that of course would have completely changed if I had a girl.......

I think that culturally---in countries such as Vietnam---that girls are more of a financial burden, etc. so I don't think it's a girl thing, it's a culture thing.

In the U.S., I hardly think 5% more likely to divorce is a statistical phenomenon. I question the statistics, how they arrived at it, etc. Personally, I read it and say "boy, some writer didn't have anything better to write about?" Oh well.

Kristi

[jmarie]

to carry on the family name

I heard this all the time when I was carrying my second child, my son, from my FIL. I mean he would argue with me about it. I wanted a girl because at 18 months apart, I could pass clothes down, but it was not meant to be. His other son and his wife adopted two darling sons and even though they carried on the family name, as far as he was concerned, it wasn't the same.

I prayed and prayed for a girl, just to spite him, but God in His infinite wisdom, knew better.

[RebeccaT]

I agree with Kristi, that 5% (and the almost certain margin of error) makes it seem almost coincidental here in the U.S.

However, I can totally believe that this is the case in other cultures. Did anyone watch 60 minutes last night? They did a piece on India and the issue of dowries. Dowries can get so expensive, and the families of men who are to marry can get so greedy, that there is an epidemic of unborn female babies being aborted to spare the family the stress of having to provide a dowry. It's leading to a real crisis situation in that country!

:eek: :(

[Canice]

Originally posted by LaraW
...I showed my gandmother an ultrasound picture that had a hand very distinctly in it (along with the top of the head) and her comment was "that looks like a boy's hand".

I love stuff like that! A friend of mine had a very easy first pregnancy (boy) and was quite sick throughout much of her second. Her grandmother's assessment was, "You'll be having a girl. Girls always make you sick." (Yes, she had a second boy.) I think that *in general* our society still puts more value on boys, even if it isn't as severe or blatant as in some cultures...

[tbb113]

Well, we had two boys and still ended up divorced. My parents are divorced...they had one boy, one girl. Guess we didn't read the study....:rolleyes:

[Luv to Cook]

wow...what an article. Well DH and I just had our first girl and are happily married and we plan to stay that way. Rebecca, isn't that so sad. There was an article in the Washington Post, about a village in India with tons of single young men. Turns out that there were so many female fetuses that were aborted twenty years earlier, so there were no women to marry! The girls that were marriageable were now demanding the dowries :p ! Good for them!!!

Anita

[badunnin]

I prefer boys. ;) Oh, wait, I'm not a parent. :D

[lonetree1353]

When I gave birth to our second daughter my doctor, within 2 minutes of birthing, asked me if I was going to try again. I asked her "what for?" She said don't you want a boy. I told her we wanted two healthy children. We didn't care if they were boys or girls or one of each. All the right parts and healthy was our main concern. I feel our two were precious gifts we were given and it didn't matter what sex they were. After being married for 31 years we still feel the same way.

[Melman]

When I was pregnant, I REALLY wanted a daughter. I *KNEW* I was having a girl even though the doctor, nurses, ultrasound, needle on a thread, you name it...everything said it was going to be a boy. Everything, other than my own mind, was right. :D I had a boy. When he was about 3 or 4 years old, my hubby and I separated and eventually divorced. For all those years since my son's birth, I've come to accept the fact that God knew what He was doing when I got that son instead of a daughter. My son is cool...I don't know that I could have handled as well with just one daughter.

He knew. :D :D :D It's worked out very well.

:)

[Beth]

I have 2 boys and have gotten the same "try again" questions, probably ever since we found out the second was a boy. We would have liked having a girl, but it seems right to have 2 boys and now I wonder what I would have done with girls. ;)

[lhall]

Both times I was pregnant FIL asked me if I was going to give him a grandson. GRRRR!! What a neanderthal! I told him that I had nothing to do with that and he was talking to the wrong person!

BIL and his wife are expecting their second, this one a boy. BIL's thrilled and went on and on about how DH was out from under the gun of having a boy! My brother's wife and just as bad and was/is disappointed that her son is only measuring at 50% on the height chart.

DH and I have two girls, we didn't care what sex they were and we love them dearly. My dad wanted grandkids, but didn't care what sex either. The last thing we are going to do is have another child because someone else thinks we need to try for a boy.

Leigh

[Kristilyn1]

I think all this is interesting--but i wonder if any other moms of boys feel that boys in some ways get less attention than girls.

When I have a little girl with me---strangers always make a big fuss---my youngest son, people always made a fuss because they thought he was a girl! ( I was flattered as I thought he was quite pretty too....) but once he was definitely a boy looking boy---no more fuss. Anyway----it always seems to me that girls are encouraged to say "boys, ick" and "girls rule" etc. but if boys do that they are considered rude and it's taboo. I sometimes feel sorry for my boys because it seems that their "rules" are so archaic and unfair.

Please don't think I'm pitting boys against girls---it's just something as the mother of boys that I see from this perspective. Maybe I'm alone?

Kristi

[JoanneOR]

This is really tough. I have some strong feelings on this, but I'm not always too good at expressing them in writing. So, I hope nothing I say here comes out wrong!

I have three boys and one girl. I love my boys dearly and I love my girl dearly. After my third boy, so many people said stupid things like are you dissapointed, are you going to try again, blah, blah. I decided to have another baby because I wanted another baby, not because I wasn't happy and wanted a girl. When I was pregnant with her, those same people would say, so, trying for a girl, huh? This really didn't bother me too much until we learned of her heart defects before she was born. People would make these comments and I would just think to myself, that so doesn't matter! You just don't understand!! I would have given anything for him/her to be healthy. I didn't matter what sex she was. Sure, I was excited to learn she was a girl, but if it was a boy I would have been thrilled to have another baby, regardless of the sex. I can say that it is so much more important to have a healthy baby than to worry about what sex it is. You don't know what I would give to have her have a healthy heart. I don't care if she's a boy or girl, all that matters is their health. Yes, I have a girl, but she's got a tough road ahead.

Something that bugs me now is when I am out with all the kids, people will say to me, oh, you got your girl? How nice, etc. They'll say this in front of the boys. Right now I don't think they really pay attention, but that may hurt them at some point.

Oh, and Kristilyn, I definitely notice that my girl gets more attention than my boys.

OK, off my soapbox!

[ReneeV]

While the article was interesting, I didn't see any real "proof". It was all anicdotal stuff. I have 2 boys and couldn't love them more, but I did want a girl. I come from a family of close knit women and regret that I won't have that experience with a grown daughter. My sister and I are very close to my mom, my aunt and her grown daughter. I'll miss having coffee at the kitchen table or making holiday dinners together.

I also thought it was interesting that the author mentioned that male children were more able/likely to support their elderly parents.
I CANNOT agree with this. Granted this is only my own personal experience, but it seems that it is usually the daughters that take in an ailing parent, or visit the nursing home daily. This has been my observance on both sides of my family and my DH's as well. In fact we have a joke in our house. When DH is acting all macho about having 2 sons, I say, "Enjoy the boys now, 'cause they'll put in the 'home' when you get old." That always sobers him right up.;)

Renee

[naomike]

Actually, it seems to me that many pregnant women I talk to are hoping for a girl, even if they already have a girl! I hear comments like "I wouldn't know what to do with a boy!" That said, my firstborn was a boy and I wouldn't want it any other way. :) I also strongly agree that the health of the baby is more important than anything else.

Lastly, Joanne--I can't believe people make such comments right in front of your sons!!! How sad.

Naomi

[lhall]

Originally posted by JoanneOR
Oh, and Kristilyn, I definitely notice that my girl gets more attention than my boys.

Kristi & Joanne.

I agree that girls get more attention out in public than boys. I just think it's wrong. I think it's a societal issue that needs changing. Girls have traditional been 'on display' and expected to act/look pretty in public while 'boys will be boys'.

Finally, people shouldn't make assumptions (much less comments) on why a couple has more children.

Leigh

[MrsReber]

When I was pregnant with my duaghter MIL kept insisting that DH wanted a boy. Then she told me that she wanted a boy. My neighbor across the street said that I should have a boy because they're so much "easier" than girls. People would always ask me what my preference was. I told them all that I would consider myself very blessed if I have a healthy, happy child. Then they'd say "but really, if you had a choice, which do you want?" I guess that's why I actually did sort of shield my DD from my MIL. Yeah, go around for 9 months telling me that you want a boy and then act excited when I have a girl? Grrr.....

Anyway, I think people get funny ideas about things. I agree that the study doesn't seem very accurate. Sure, it probably holds true for other countries with dowries and the like, but I don't think it's very true here. DH's father had 2 sons and got divorced (this is before he married MIL). He had a son and a daughter with MIL and then got divorced again. My best friend's sister has three girls. They're still married and doing quite well. I wonder where the information for the study came from. And how many people have sons, but never got married? Maybe more parents of girls get married? I think the study is defective as it relates to the US.

I have a girl and a boy and I love them both to no end. Do I love them differently? Probably. But I certainly love them equally.

I think there are behavioral things that make people pay more or less attention to a child. My daughter is very shy and won't talk to people whereas my son is very, shall we say, outgoing? He tends to get more attention when we go out to eat. People will say how pretty my daughter is, but they will more often play with my son because he looks for attention (and he's only 15 months!). When they are babies, though, we dress girls in frilly little outfits (some of us) and people tend to notice. We dress boys in more cute, but conservative outfits.

[linsleyd]

Originally posted by Kristilyn1
I think all this is interesting--but i wonder if any other moms of boys feel that boys in some ways get less attention than girls.



Kristi

Try growing up in my family where there are all boy cousins and I was the third child and ONLY girl. I never got anything that the boys did, and certainly never treated as well. My grandmother can barely stand me because I'm not the boy.

Course in DH's family it was his responsibility to do all the girl things like laundry and dishes. The girls were to fragile for that kind of thing! Imagine!

I think it has a lot to do with my family being old school PA Dutch and DH's is Italian.

[Terrytx]

Originally posted by badunnin
I prefer boys. ;) Oh, wait, I'm not a parent. :D

:D :D :D ROFL!!!

[ReneeV]

I think it has a lot to do with my family being old school PA Dutch and DH's is Italian.

This is new one one me! I come from a large extended Italian family and live in an area of Ohio with many Italian imigrant decendents, and let me tell ya... the women are NOT treated like they are too fragile to do any work. Quite the contrary! My Grandfather (my mom's dad) was the king of the castle and my uncle, his only son, was the prince! My grandmother, aunt and mom did ALL the housework. My father is 3/4 Italian and the only reason he had any experience with housework was because his mother and father were divorced and my grandmother supported the family. My father was the oldest, so consequently, he had "domestic" chores that he had to attend too.

Italian women being treated like princesses...that's certainly a new one on me!

Renee

[MrsReber]

Renee, I have to agree here. The men are treated like kings in Italian families. The women are the cooks and maids, although some Italian men can cook rather well. However, I also think that many of the Italian women don't mind so much. They enjoy taking care of their families (cooking, cleaning, etc.) Or maybe it's just that they were brought up that way? My grandmother's parents came from Italy. I don't recall any family gathering where my grandmother stayed seated for the entire meal. She was too busy happily waiting on everyone. I find now that my own mother does the same thing and it's starting to creep into my own life as well.

[linsleyd]

Originally posted by ReneeV


This is new one one me! I come from a large extended Italian family and live in an area of Ohio with many Italian imigrant decendents, and let me tell ya... the women are NOT treated like they are too fragile to do any work. Quite the contrary! My Grandfather (my mom's dad) was the king of the castle and my uncle, his only son, was the prince! My grandmother, aunt and mom did ALL the housework. My father is 3/4 Italian and the only reason he had any experience with housework was because his mother and father were divorced and my grandmother supported the family. My father was the oldest, so consequently, he had "domestic" chores that he had to attend too.

Italian women being treated like princesses...that's certainly a new one on me!

Renee

I would imagine completley regional and had to do with their extended italian family. Strange, I know. :rolleyes: but DH got beat and had to do all the chores and his sisters never did anything. Went the same with his cousins.

[linsleyd]

Originally posted by MrsReber
Renee, I have to agree here. The men are treated like kings in Italian families. The women are the cooks and maids, although some Italian men can cook rather well. However, I also think that many of the Italian women don't mind so much. They enjoy taking care of their families (cooking, cleaning, etc.) Or maybe it's just that they were brought up that way? My grandmother's parents came from Italy. I don't recall any family gathering where my grandmother stayed seated for the entire meal. She was too busy happily waiting on everyone. I find now that my own mother does the same thing and it's starting to creep into my own life as well.

Old school Italian families are this way. DH's grandmother was the same way, it's just the next generation that behaved in the way I described. I apologize for generalizing all Italians, just Dh's family, but a lot of the underlying psychological problems of the family stem from being Italian imigrants and how they saw their mothers treated. Humor me.:D Sorry, getting ahead of myself! Don't take me too seriously!