Mammogram preparation exercises... SO TRUE =)

[sharris315]

(I got this from a friend today, and I just had to share...)


Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there's no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam, and doing the following practice exercises, you will be totally prepared. And you can do this right in your own home!

EXERCISE 1: Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut and lean on it for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds (while you hold your breath). Repeat, in case the first time wasn't effective.

EXERCISE 2: Visit your garage at 3 am when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat for the other breast.

EXERCISE 3: Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Sandwich your breast between the bookends. Smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Repeat for other breast. Set an appointment to meet with the stranger to do it again.

CONGRATULATIONS!! Now you have nothing at all to worry about when you go for your mammogram.

(Just an added thought for all you women: MENtal illness, MENstrual cramps, MENtal breakdown, MENopause. Ever notice how all of women's problems start with men? And when we have REAL problems, it's a HISterectomy! If you send this to your friends, don't forget the "GUY"necologist!!!)

...All in fun and IMO, hilarious!


Shar :D

[Beth]

ROTFLMAO! I don't know why smashograms are such a great topic for humor, but thanks for the chuckle. On that note, I'm off to tackle the rest of the day (and grateful I'm not due for another smashogram for some time). :)

[Wendy w]

LOL! Had my smashagram last month. Thanks for the laugh!

[jmarie]

What a hoot! If only it were so funny when it is actually being done....;) I've got one coming up and I dread it so.
Joyce

[slknight]

Last year I found a lump and had to have it removed (fortunately, it was benign). However, they had to do this thing before the surgery where they thread a wire into your breast so the surgeon knows where to operate. So they smash you into the mammogram machine, and then stick a giant needle in your breast! Oh my God! It was the worst pain I have ever felt in my entire life. I sincerely hope that none of you ever have to experience it. :( :(

[wallycat]

Originally posted by slknight
Last year I found a lump and had to have it removed (fortunately, it was benign). However, they had to do this thing before the surgery where they thread a wire into your breast so the surgeon knows where to operate. So they smash you into the mammogram machine, and then stick a giant needle in your breast! Oh my God! It was the worst pain I have ever felt in my entire life. I sincerely hope that none of you ever have to experience it. :( :(

Oh how horrible. I'm so sorry you had to endure that; thankfully, it was benign!

I have to say when I go for my mammogram, the tech always looks at me as if I got off of a space-ship. I tell her she can press down as low as she wishes to go. Once I told her she could go even further to smush, and she said "we don't NEED to anymore!" I'm not saying it's the most comfortable or pleasant thing, but I have never found it to be a big deal.

[Beth]

Originally posted by slknight
So they smash you into the mammogram machine, and then stick a giant needle in your breast! Oh my God! It was the worst pain I have ever felt in my entire life. I sincerely hope that none of you ever have to experience it. :( :(

Oh goodness, me too! Sorry you had to, but glad it was a good result.

Wallycat, I'm beginning to worry about you! ;)

[memartha]

I found this old thread and it made me chuckle. I had my yearly mammogram on Saturday and yesterday they called me to come back in today for another look... something about calcifications. I am going back at 1 pm today. Needless to say, I'm a little worried but trying to be optimistic. And, I'm still very sore from Saturday's "smash-o-gram." Martha

[Peggy]

Originally posted by Wendy w
LOL! Had my smashagram last month. Thanks for the laugh!

Love that term, Wendy...Smashogram!!!:D

Martha - I have a friend that was called back for a second one due to calcifications and everything was just fine. I'm optimistic with you.:) Good luck!

Peggy

[tbb113]

I love the term smashogram :D And Ana, I'm with you...the only uncomfortable part is when they do the side view and the stupid machine is digging into my armpit.

Martha:
I'm sure everything will be fine. However, if something doesn't seem right to you or your doctor, please keep persuing it. My mother was just diagnosed in March with Stage II breast cancer. It didn't show on the mamogram...fortunately it showed on the ultrasound. Not to be neurotic...but if my mother hadn't kept pushing for an answer on why she had a rash (which was not related to the cancer) she would not have been diagnosed.

[memartha]

Thanks, Peggy and Tyra. I had my right side smashed and mashed once again. Then I met with the doctor who examined the x-rays. She pointed out the calcifications, which were new since last year. She explained that since they were new, they would like to monitor them. They recommended I come back in 6 months for another mammogram. I am comfortable with that. Martha

[karen w]

Thanks for bringing this one back up. DH is a radiologist(with a good sense of humour:D ). He'll certainly get a good laugh from this one.

Karen