Not great news at the doctor's

[lisalee]

I just need to say this aloud. For the last 5 years I have had stage one bladder cancer. This on top of my kidney transplant that was 18 years ago. (worked out nicely) Today was yet another one of my 3 months visit to have a cancer check. Not the most pleasant thing since I get scoped every time, but ok. This would have been my two year mark of being cancer free except that once again there are signs of at least one tumor. This has happened before, for whatever the reason I can't make it up to or past the 2 year mark. I know all the postives- the tumors are always small (although always grade 3-almost the worse), the cancer has never spread beyond the bladder and the tumor removal is a one day outpatient procedure, but still. . . . I wanted this to be the time I reached the 2 year milestone. On top of the procedure being less than pleasant (they did it twice so that a fellow dr in the office could see the problem since he would probably do the procedure),the dr I trust announced that he was leaving the practice and devoting his time to a practice centered on prostate cancer (ok, obviously I won't qualify)

I started to cry in his office and well up even now as I am typing. There isn't much hope of emotional support in my family-whose motto is never tell anyone anything is wrong and just keep smiling. I'm having a little trouble meeting that motto.

So now on top of worrying about the procedure, I have to look for a new doctor and a hospital that is closer to where I live. It is difficult to find a way for someone to pick me up in central phoenix and take me home to the west valley. I know that in a couple of days I will be able to deal with this and move forward, but not tonight and maybe not tomorrow.

That's all I wanted to say.

Lisa

[sharris315]

((((Lisa)))) I am so sorry you're having to go through all of this. On top of everything else, losing your doctor has to be tough. My family is a lot like you describe yours--and it makes anything involving emotions difficult. Please PM me if you want to talk...

Try to just hang in--be optimistic this time will be the LAST and it will won't recur--and your hard time will be over.

Wishing you better days ahead...

Shar

[KimKelly]

Wow... hang in there Lisa. What an awful day. I wish I had magic words, but all I've got is that I'm thinking of you. My neighbor has had the same bladder tumors, only his usually number around 3 or 4 tumors. He's had the proceedures done 4 times I think. And much closer than 2 years apart, but his doc says he's doing "fine" and can go on this way for a long time.

Wishing you all the best,
Kim

[memartha]

(((Lisa))) So sorry to hear about all this. I'm hoping you find strength in all your friends' support. Good luck.

[vbak]

Lisa, thinking of you.

Vicky

[gabbyh]

Lisa,
Sending many, many positive thoughts and prayers your way...

~Gail

[jmarie]

I started to cry in his office and well up even now as I am typing.

I wish I could say something that would make you feel better. I know that you feel scared and alone, but we are here to support you. Come to us anytime and pour your heart out. We can lift you up in prayer and be here for you. One day at a time.
Joyce

[wallycat]

(((((((((((((LISA))))))))))))))

I'm so very sorry for all of this.
My thoughts and prayers are with you!

[ChristineVA]

Lisa,
I really know what you're going through and it is such a depressing feeling. Back in 1995, I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. Was *supposed* to be an easy thing, you know, that caught it early, stage one and all of that. I was supposed to have surgery and one treatment of radioactive iodine and then I would be "cured." HA!!! It took me almost 3 years of hell to fully get rid of the thyroid tissue and each time I got a bad result it was just crushing to me. Even now, I continue (and will continue for the rest of my life) to follow up and it is just always very stressful for me. I, too, had to make a physician change in the middle of it all and probably will again since my doctor looks like he should retire and I'm only 39!! So hang in there! One day it will all be behind you.
Christine

[beejayw1]

Originally posted by lisalee
I started to cry in his office and well up even now as I am typing. There isn't much hope of emotional support in my family-whose motto is never tell anyone anything is wrong and just keep smiling. I'm having a little trouble meeting that motto.

{{{{{{{Lisa}}}}}}}

I was feeling a little down today, and I read your post and realized that there are others who have a better right to feel down than I do.

God bless you!

My suggestions:

Talk to your doctor, explain how your rapport with him has been very helpful and ask who he recommends as someone who might be able to take over and be as helpful to you.
Go to the American Cancer society website and see what they have for online support groups. Here's the link: http://www.cancer.org/docroot/home/index.asp You do have to register (it's free) and they can put you in touch with support groups. I did a search on the site for bladder cancer, and they do have information; again, you have to register.

My family tends to have the same philosophy as yours, but when something IS wrong, they will rally around. I wonder what would happen if you tell you family all this?

You're in my prayers (and you family, too, for understanding and support.)

[kim21]

Sending warm and healing thoughts your way...Kim

[ebobbitt]

Lisa, I am so sorry you're having to go through this again. I'll send prayers and good thoughts your way.

[beacooker]

((((Lisa)))) Thinking good thoughts for you.

[clairea]

(((((Lisa))))). I am so sorry. You will be in my thoughts.

Claire

[Shirley Panek]

Sending prayers and healing thoughts your way. (((:()))

Remember that we're here if you need us.

Shirley

[HUNGRY!]

((((Lisa))))

[linsleyd]

((lisa)) sending warm thoughts your way...

[lhall]

(((((Lisa)))))

More prayers and good thoughts coming your way.

Leigh

[boisewinesnob]

Originally posted by beejayw1



Talk to your doctor, explain how your rapport with him has been very helpful and ask who he recommends as someone who might be able to take over and be as helpful to you.



I second this!
Sorry to hear about your situation. I hope you'll find another great doctor :)

[sassysu3]

:( Awwwwwwww, Lisa...I am so sorry to hear of your situation. It's understandable why you would be feeling as you do. I'm glad you came here for some hugs...
{{{{{{{{{{{{((((((((LISA)))))))))}}}}}}}}}
sassysu

[Natasha3]

Hugs and good wishes, Lisa. Please keep us posted. I third Diana's suggestion, too!

Natasha

[lisalee]

Thank you for all of your kind words. This shouldn't be so hard, I've had tunors removed 4 other times and have had two rounds of chemo already. My version of chemo isn't nearly as bad as the others, since they put the drug directly into the bladder, but it can make me extremely cranky! I did ask my dr for recommendations, but he wants me to find out who are the doctors on my insurance plan, and then he might make a suggestion. I could always stay with the office, they must be good I just don't know any of the other doctors. I need a dr and hospital closer to my home. Friday I go to the nephrologist and see if he has any suggestions. Today I will just stay low, maybe clean the house (a little loud music and housework should help to release the tension!)and love my dog. This has just hit really hard.

Everyone have a great day!

Lisa

[funnybone]

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. Sending my thoughts and prayers your way.

[KristaMB]

Lisa,
I'm so sorry that you are going through this.
Sending you good thoughts-
Krista

[Pony]

So sorry to hear about all of this. Wish I lived near by, I would pick you up and take you home after your procedures!!! My thoughts are with you.

[KristinK]

(((((Lisa)))))

I'm sending more good thoughts and prayers your way.

[AZLorena]

Lisalee,

I am so sorry to hear about your bad news. I can empathize with your frustration. If you get have a hard time with the ride to and from the dr for your procedure, just let me know. I can come get you. Just let me know ahead of time so I can take the time from work.

Lorena

[kristalsnow7]

Lisa,

I'm so sorry you have to go through this again! I will be thinking of you.

Hugs.

[Terrytx]

What a bummer:( My thoughts will be with you.

[slknight]

(((Lisa))), I'm very sorry about the bad news. Thinking of you and sending prayers and positive thoughts your way.

Susan

[sneezles]

Lisa,
So very sorry you are going through this and hope that you are feeling better. If cleaning your house didn't work there's always mine!! :D
I hope that you are able to find a dr closer to home and that you feel comfortable with. Keep us posted...and you know that you can express all your feelings here!

[d_ferrero]

I don't have any "magic words" either, but know my thoughts are with you. If there's anything I can do from California, please don't hesitate to let me know.

[colleency]

(((Lisa)))

[Beth]

I'm so sorry you are feeling this setback and wish I could offer more than a cyber hug, my best wishes and a prayer that this will be your last setback. I am grateful they are watching you closely and not letting any of these aggresive buggers get carried away and that you can get rid of them.

If you can't get the emoptional support you need from your family, reach out to friends or support groups (through the cancer society, your hopsital or whatever). And get the best care you can, even if it is not the most convenient. Hope tomorrow comes quickly and you find yourself strong and ready to deal with all life brings you (reminding you to look at the small wonders in everyday life and let them help you through the tough times).

[RunnerKim]

(((Lisa)))

[phantomcg]

((((Lisa))))

I just wanted to let you know that you will be in my thoughts and prayers. I'm sorry that you are going through such a difficult time again.

Cheryl

[JanetJ]

(((((Lisa))))) Sending all kinds of positive thoughts your way.

Janet

[lindrusso]

I'm so sorry to read about your cancer recurrence.

I do not know what it feels like to struggle with cancer as a patient, only as a spouse of a patient. My husband just started his first round of chemo/radiation treatments for colorectal cancer today (he's 38) and I'm sure that he would feel just as frustrated and upset were it to recur in the future. I'm sure those feeling are entirely normal but, as you appear to have done in the past, I'm also sure you'll soon pull yourself together and continue to do what has to be done. Until that happens, don't feel bad about letting yourself feel what you feel - I believe it's very therapeutic.

I also hope that you can find the support that you need - I can't imagine going through what you're going through without it. If it can't come from family, can you look to friends or others in the community? In the meantime, please continue to reach out to us if you need us.

Prayers and hugs,
Alysha

[Laura]

(((Lisa)))

I will add you to my prayer list. I can't even imagine all that you are going through right now, but I feel from your posts that you really are a very strong person. I can't tell you how to respond your family, but know that here, on this little bulletin board, there are many who care, are thinking of you and are praying for you.

[maizeyoats]

Lisa......oh I am sorry you received such distressing news. I will be praying for you everyday and I hope that this is the very last time they will ever find any tumors.

[KathrynY]

(((Lisa))) Sending thoughts of comfort and healing your way. Take care.

[eas11]

Lisa, so sorry........ hang in there. Get support here, there and everywhere you can. Take all the time you need to process your thoughts and feelings here with us. We're good listeners! :)
Ellyn

[HRJ]

Lisa, others have said it better than I can, but I'll be sending good thoughts your way, and please, come here whenever you need to. I and many others have learned this board can be a great comfort during difficult times. I'm so sorry you have to go through this.

Helene

[Wendy w]

((((((((((Lisa)))))))) Sending more healing thoughts your way.

[m4star]

Lisa-

More good thoughts for you. Remember, we are here if you need someone to listen.

Take good care!

[Leisa M]

I will send good thoughts your way.

[Cafe Latte]

lisalee, please update us on your health. I was searching for something and came across this thread. Hope you are doing well. Take care.

[ellamay]

(((Lisa)))
I hope you are doing better. Please post an update. My thoughts are with you.

[colleency]

(((Lisa)))