Have you ever drastically scaled back on the holidays?

[lindrusso]

Hi there.

I'm not trying to be nosey and please don't feel you need to provide any personal details as to why, but I was wondering if anyone else out here has ever scaled back the holidays to the absolute minimum?

Because DH's battle with cancer will take place during the holiday season, DH and I have decided that we will not travel for Christmas, we will not have guests here for Christmas, and we will not be buying gifts for anyone except the boys. We politely told family that we would prefer not to exchange gifts this year - all we want is peace of mind and DH's health.

Part of me is hugely relieved. We need to save as much as possible to pay off our medical bills. I also need to be as available to DH as much as possible, just in case he starts to feel quite ill. I do ALL of the holiday preparations and even though I'm pretty organized about it, it still incurs some stress, so anything I can do to minimize stress for me will help DH in the long run.

The other part of me wonders how much I'll miss it, or more importantly how the boys will feel. We were supposed to go to my in-laws for Christmas - the boys were very disappointed when I told them we wouldn't be going and that no one would be coming here (they would need to purchase airfare and we have no idea how DH will be doing by that point). I won't miss the present part, but I will miss spending time with family.

I also have fears that if DH is feeling bad and not even feeling like eating much, that things could be a little depressing. Holidays here tend to center around food and drink! :) I know I shouldn't worry about things that haven't even happened yet, but it's hard not to. DH hasn't been feeling very festive lately (fatigue and a bit of nausea which will probably only get worse) and I feel a bit lonely. I completely understand of course, but it's begun to dawn on me that this may be a very lonely 6 months ahead - so many things that DH and I like to do together (much of it involving food and wine ;) ) - he's just not interested in anymore. He's my best friend and it's going to be hard to watch him lying around not feeling well for so long.

Anyway, thanks for listening. I just wondered if anyone else had navigated a holiday season with everything sort of upside down. I suppose to the natural thing to do would be to focus time and energy on the kids as much as possible - keeps me occupied and would help them feel special when things are less-than-festive around here.

I know it could be a lot worse (after all, DH will be WITH us), and I'm very thankful that it isn't, but it's still different enough to throw me for a bit of a loop.

Alysha :)

[avariell]

wow.. i am really sorry you have to go thru all of this...

for what it's worth, here is my take on the situation...

Christmas is important to me because of family. I would be devastated if I couldn't be with my parents and siblings on Christmas. I think concentrating on your DH and children is what's most important. Having said that (and this completely depends on the type of relationship you have with your in-laws, etc) it might be really nice to have some of your family come to you. Assuming they know what's going on, they wouldn't expect you to "entertain" or provide 12 course meals. Heck, in my family we order pizza every year on Christmas Eve because we're all so worn out from cooking for Christmas. I think concentrating on what is best for your family is wise, but I also think that cutting yourself off entirely from enjoying the holidays is unnecessary. The next 6 months are probably going to suck, so finding joy in every moment you can is important. Earlier this year I went through a cancer scare. I was grumpy, tired, irrational, confused. When I needed to cry and scream, my mom was there to let me cry on her, but she was also there to make me go out to dinner with my friends. Remind me that it was a good thing to still go out on dates, whatever. So even though I know it's not the same situation, I also think that there are good times to fume and cry and vent and be mad, there are also lots of opportunities to enjoy life (Regardless of the bad stuff that's going on)

hopefully that wasn't too preachy... and I wish you good luck with everything. Whenever you need to vent, have at it. I am sure my mom needed to vent about me because I know I wasn't a treat to deal with :)
take care

[Jessica]

((((Alysha))))

Our situation wasn't exactly like yours but it had some similarities. A few years ago, DH's stepmother (to whom we are close) was diagnosed with late-stage breast cancer just a few weeks before Christmas. We had planned to visit for the holidays and in her case, she wanted us to come. The doctors were not particularly optimistic at that point, but we are fortunate and she is still with us three years later. Anyway, it was a challenge to keep everything normal for that Christmas but that is what she wanted and we all tried very hard. We stayed with DH's mom so his stepmom did not have to do much in the way of entertaining. We also did not have extended family there--just immediate family.

I guess my point is maybe there is a way to have some of your family traditions without overwhelming yourself. Would your or DH's parents be willing to come for a shorter visit, or would they understand if you just scaled back on the entertaining and ordered pizza or made a pot of spaghetti? Perhaps you could ask a close relative to come the weekend after Christmas to be support for you and company for the boys. You probably have considered some of these options already. Our scaled-back family holiday really helped our stepmom feel as if things weren't quite turned upside-down and for her, I think we did the right thing. But ultimately, you and DH know how much space you need and you should take care of yourselves first.

PM me if you like.

[RobinC]

My heart goes out to you and your family, especially your DH.

I have gone into holidays where everything in my life was upside down. I scaled way back and trusted my instincts - focused on a few things that really mattered. I was so afraid of letting eveyone down, but it turns out that fear was wasted. Those who were close to me understood, and came through the holidays with much less stress and a lot happier.

Do whatever ever feels right for you and your family. Make new traditions. Keep things low-key. Enjoy being a family.

Best wishes to you and your family!!

[hlao23]

I was pretty young with this happened, but I'll tell you what I remember.

My grandmother was dying of lung cancer around Christmastime when I was 6. We planned to be in D.C. with her on Christmas, so we had "Christmas" a few days early. My parents did the whole Santa thing for us and we opened presents. I don't recall that we had Christmas dinner and we didn't visit extended family that year. I don't know how old your boys are, but I don't remember the situation exactly putting a damper on the holiday aspect of it for me at the time even though it must have been terribly difficult for my mother. I wasn't aware of the gravity of the situation at the time plus, I think kids often have a distorted awareness of time too and that was a protective factor for us.

I'm sorry you're going through such a tough time. My prayers are with you.

[Robyncz]

Two thoughts:

You have to do what is right for you. I think everyone will understand why you want to scale back. However, be aware that some friends and family may very well still want to give you gifts, even if you've agreed not to "exchange." You could suggest that they donate money to cancer research in your family's name.

As for the gifts between your immediate family, you might consider making special gifts for each other and each coming up with one new "tradition" for the 4 (5? I can't remember how many boys you have) of you. You might end up with the most special Christmas ever.

[lindrusso]

Originally posted by avariell
Having said that (and this completely depends on the type of relationship you have with your in-laws, etc) it might be really nice to have some of your family come to you.

I go back and forth on this. I have a very good relationship with my in-laws but even DH doesn't seem too keen on having them here. I don't like the idea of cutting ourselves off, but the alternatives don't seem great either.

We have a very small house and they usually stay with us - in our living room. We could ask that they go to a hotel to give us some space - so that's something we could work around. But, something I forgot to mention, DH's Dad has Alzheimers and brings a WHOLE different factor into this equation. Even when he was competely "with it", he was the type of person that really likes to be waited on. He would be of no help whatsoever and I think he would definitely add a lot to the stress. He's mostly okay, but he has his moments (especially when drinking) and I don't know if I can deal with that right now - I have enough to take care of, I don't need to take care of him too! And even if we scale down on the food and don't go all out, it's still going to be a financial burden with the extra food, etc.

I could deal better with MY family being here, but it doesn't seem fair to invite them when we were supposed to be spending the holidays with our in-laws. Our families aren't ones to get angry about things like that, but I don't want there to be any hurt feelings either.

It's complicated. :)

Alysha

[wallycat]

I have been thinking about you and am hoping the holidays go well :(

As for scaling back; yes, I have.
It is just DH and I. His daughter is married and lives in Michigan.
Neither of us has a lot of family in the area (my family is very small to begin with).
When we were first married, I made so much food it was unbelievable. I actually figured out, in my case, that though I love to cook and eat, with just two people (ocassionally friends coming over), there was this air of feeling compelled to eat more...and then angst that there was all this food left over; and finally resentment that we were eating the same thing for a few days.

Since I've gotten into making less, I've actually enjoyed it more.
I can make a few dishes that are a little more labor intensive. I stress less about how much we'll eat and what we'll do with leftovers and I also have more time to relax and enjoy the atmosphere---fire going, snowflakes (if we're lucky :D ), a nice glass of what-ever...

I've also cut back on decorating the house. I never grew up with decorations but wanted to decorate for DH...the first few years we were married he worked so many hours, I honestly don't know if he even noticed. So I stopped. He made a comment once and I told him if he wanted to help we could do it...not as important to him either I guess. We put out a few candles and a wreath or something and that's about it. We have a tree outside that we decorate with birdseed type stuff...pretty, painless, and not much clean-up :)

I hope all goes well for you ((((((((Alysha))))))

[beejayw1]

Last year I was tired, had a sick pet that needed to be medicated, and ended up bowing out of a lot of the travel and hullabaloo. I stayed home with BJ (my sick pet), attended Christmas Eve service alone, and did a little self-pampering. Actually, it was pretty refreshing, and the Christmas eve service really struck a chord with me.

Just my thoughts here, for what they're worth, but the 'holiday rush', which encompasses Thanksgiving, Chanukah and Christmas, is a largely artificial thing with very little connection to the real holidays that celebrated grace and gave thanksgiving for blessings received. The radio and TV commercials screaming at you to go and buy! Buy!! BUY!!! and insinuate that if you don't get the right turkey/gift/whatever, your name will be mud for all time, don't foster good will or cheer, and DO foster exhaustion and anger.

So, what to do? (My advice)

Well, you have some blessings to celebrate: while DH is being treated for colon cancer, the doctors feel that it is treatable (from what you say) and he is going into things with a good attitude and a lot of hope and prayer. YOu have a loving family and friends who will understand your need to take things quietly.

I'd maybe do the family-centered activities like sending out Christmas cards and have the whole family participate in writing notes in each card. Maybe do some baking, watch movies at home, whatever. Maybe have a quiet open house for your nearest and dearest.

And - suggestion here - whenever a buy! Buy!! BUY!!! ad comes on, turn off the TV or radio.

Good luck!

[kwormann]

We will be scaling back this year due to the fact that DH is losing his job and the future is a bit uncertain. We already had plans for the in-laws and my mom to all come here, but they will have to understand we wont be able to do much with presents at this time.

My mom has already told me Im under enough stress and to please not stress out about "entertaining" everyone...I am going to make an effort to take this advice.

[LaraW]

(((Alysha)))

We scaled back on our holiday last year. My in-laws were less than understanding, but that is them. My parents were very understanding. We're going to have a 2-3 week old baby here this year, and so it will be a low-key Christmas for us again. I doubt we'll do much if any decorating and haven't made any decisions about whether we'll even go to church.

Would it be possible for your in-laws to come for a visit sometime after Christmas be an idea? Maybe in February or March? That way you still have a visit to look forward to, but it is removed from the hustle and bustle of Christmas. That would give your boys something to look forward too as well. If you felt like it, and if your DH is up to it, maybe you could do a holiday type meal then.

I think you are very smart to scale back this year. Its only 1 Christmas out of many many many more that you will have with your family, so maybe try to keep that perspective. Pick out some things that make it "feel like the season" - whether its making a certain kind of cookie, adopting a family at church or getting a Christmas tree - and let that be enough for you.

(((Hugs))) to all of you.

[lindrusso]

Thanks everyone. It really helps me get my feelings sorted out and everything put into perspective when I can "talk" with you all. :)

I think you all are right - we can have a very special Christmas no matter what. I will have the opportunity to do things with the kids without trying to squeeze it in around the other running around, etc. I think this will turn out to be a very positive thing.

I guess what I'm fearing the most is not even so much about the holidays - it's just that the holidays will exacerbate the whole thing. What I really fear is being the only healthy adult in the house. Right now I am already taking on most of the household stuff - DH is just too drained after work to help much. I just dread taking on all of that during the holidays too. As much as I love my kids and as much as I know I can turn all of this into an opportunity to make special memories with them, I very much depend on adult interaction to keep my sanity. At the moment I can rely on my friends in town to help me get out and have that interaction, but during the holidays they will be busy with their own families. I just hope I can be strong enough to hold up on my own.

Well, this time of month is always emotional for me anyway (PMS), so I'm sure I'll be feeling much better about this next week and that the anxiety will come and go.

I must say it has been strange and nice all at the same time - I keep thinking that I need to get started on my holiday preparations and then I realize that I really don't have any preparations to get started on. :) Kind of nice.

Thanks again. Take care. Time to go to work.

Alysha :)

[LaraW]

Originally posted by lindrusso
I think this will turn out to be a very positive thing.


You may also decide that this is how you like it and continue the scaled back holidays in the future as well.

Just a thought...

Glad you are feeling better :)

[Laura]

Three years ago when I was in some pretty serious financial trouble we scaled back significantly. My DD was old enough to understand why, but DS was 8, still wanting to believe in Santa Clause and it was a little more difficult. Still at that Christmas we started some wonderful family traditions, that more than anything brought the sprit of the season home to us.

Whether it be financial, emotional, physical, or spiritual reasons, or just life itself that causes you to step back and look at the blessings that you have around you, I think you will find that it can be your most wonderful Christmas ever.

Your family remains in my prayers.

Laura

[DmOrtega]

Things change in our lives. Sometimes we have no control of those changes. It isn't a bad thing, just different. As people we do adapt. You will make new holiday traditions for you and your family just like you did when you both first married and then had your kids. Don't let this time discourage you from creating the private time for you and your family during the holidays.

[Beth]

Things were so hectic for us last year that we never did get our Christmas tree up. Somehow, Santa did find the stockings and he put all the presents for the boys in the dormer over our front door -- where we had a small artificial tree with white lights and a red bow on top. Other than the wreath on the door, that was about it. It wasn't a big and fancy year, but the boys will always remember having to get the ladder to get to their presents and my youngest will always remember the only candy he got in his stocking that Christmas was a bag of chocolate chips -- no fancy wrapped stocking stuffer specials, and he loved it.

Whether it's time, money or both, you find ways to keep the important traditions and make special memories. There are times to look for the gifts that don't carry price tags. Let the kids make something or simply draw a picture so they can share the traditions with family and friends and not feel awkward. The most important gifts don't come with price tags, and there are times in life that most of us have to be reminded that it is a gift to be able to receive as well as to be able give what is needed, not just desired. I'm sure that there are friends,neighbors, church folk who would be happy to help with meals or preparations if they knew they could be helpful. Keep your eyes and your heart open and the wonder of Christmas will still be with you.

[jmarie]

I PM'd you.
Joyce

[Kayla]

(((Alysha)))

I can only imagine what a difficult time you must be going through, and with the holidays approaching, I'm sure you're feeling pretty overwhelmed.

I don't have much to add aside of what wonderful advice and stories others have shared. I'll share my own experience, and maybe it'll help to see others have dealt with similar issues.

When I was younger, my family had to do the whole 'scale down' the holidays bit, which for a ten year old, isn't always the easiest thing to understand. My mother's father was ill, my father had lost his job, and my mother's thyroid surgery was quickly coming up after the new year (they say bad things come in threes, don't they?)...

...anyway, my family had a 'family talk' where we discussed how that holiday season would not be as others had been - not as many gifts, we wouldn't be going to see our friends in VA, etc. At first it was disappointing, but I think that holiday season was a real turning point for us.

You see, as 'story-book' as it may sound, that Christmas (Hanukkah and New Year) my family turned its focus from buying and receiving gifts, to really enjoying one anothers company with our time off from school, my mom's work, etc. For the first time in a long time, my family was sitting down together more and playing games (which surprisingly enough - was really enjoyable even with an annoying older brother ;))

So, I guess my point is, even with this change, and even though it at first might be difficult to understand, it will probably turn out for the better. Maybe in place of the time when you would be opening presents with other people, you can come up with some sort of game to play... and instead of the focus being on a big meal, maybe your family could instead donate some time at a shelter?

I'm wishing you good luck and sending thoughts your way :)

Kayla

[MrsReber]

DH and I want to scale back,too. My brother and sister are both having financial difficulties. I think it's more important that they focus on their own families and not worry about buying anything for us or our kids. We'll see them on Christmas, but I'd much rather just be with them. DH's family picks names each year and they put us in whether we want to be in or not. DH got out of it one year, but I still had to participate! It just seems like now that everyone is older and they all have their own spouses and children, they should just give it up. Quite honestly, I don't want my children growing up thinking that the holidays are all about presents. I was hoping that we'd keep it toned down this year. DD is 2 1/2 so I'm sure next year, she'll be better able to vocalize her wants. We figure this is our last year to enjoy Christmas without having to run to Toys R Us for the latest "must have" toy. In reality, I don't have many memories of gifts that I received, but I do have many memories of being together with my family and doing holiday things (baking cookies, eating all that food, picking out the tree, decorating the tree).

[JHolcomb]

((((((((Alysha))))))))

My situation was different, but we had to scale back a lot when my dad went to grad school. I was in 2nd grade and didn't understand the charm of homemade toys. I was not very thrilled. I know it really upset my mom to be unable to provide us with an "ideal" Christmas, but you have to do what you have to do. I will admit that I didn't see it that way then, but now I am ashamed that I made a fuss about it.

The boys might be disappointed at first, but maybe you could get them to think of it not as spending less time with grandma and grandpa, but more time with dad. Don't make any promises, but maybe suggest the idea of making a special visit to them at another time of year, when things are less crazy.

Sending you hugs and warm thoughts,

Jen

[yorkshirepud]

Hi Alysha,

I really feel for you and your family having to go through this. I just wanted to stop by and wish you all good luck in the upcoming months.

And remember, although on the outside DH may not feel himself, just look into his eyes, and you'll always see his spirit.

Hugs.
Adele

[Kay Henderson]

I think you are wise to plan a quiet holiday season, for you and your husband need so much of your mental energy to deal with his treatment.

Lara may have a good suggestion for a short visit from your in-laws in January or February (with them staying in a hotel). That would give them something to look forward to, for I would expect that they are very anxious themselves, worrying about their son.

There were two years when, for time reasons, I had to scale back decorations. Evergreen boughs on the mantel with some ribbons and cones gave the house a festive air (and didn't require the clean-up and putting away I usually do either!). On this and other fronts, it may be helpful to think in terms of time and money. If, for example, you usually spend 8 hours and $100 decorating, you might ask yourself what you can do with 2 hours and $25.

I suspect some of your friends and neighbors will want to help. As a wife, mother, and community member, you have been paying your dues to the human race. This year, let folks help you, for in the future, you will be able to help others again.

[munchies]

So many wonderful things have already been said. I am keeping you and your family in my prayers.

On a slightly different note - has anyone read Skipping Christmas by John Grisham? It's very cute and is all about scaling back. Just a light-hearted look at the holidays and why it's really important.

Ok, sorry if this is kind of hijacking the thread...:rolleyes:

((((Alysha))))

Heather

[jellyben]

Alysha, I am sorry you are going through this, and I don't think your family will fault you for keeping things low-key. This could be a great opportunity to get back to the 'true meaning of Christmas', to use that famous phrase. Just make it about your boys and your husband, make some new, simple family traditions. If you feel you are ruffling feathers, put that out of your mind. You seem to know what your priorities should be. Just stay true to that!! The best piece of advice I can offer is to try to keep things as normal and cheerful as possible for your boys' sakes.

[lindrusso]

Originally posted by yorkshirepud
And remember, although on the outside DH may not feel himself, just look into his eyes, and you'll always see his spirit.
Adele

Thanks Adele, I needed to hear that (and it made me tear up). :)

Thanks everyone, I want to respond to more of your suggestions and ideas, but I have to get my little monsters ready for Halloween. :D I'll be back later. I just wanted to pop in and tell you that I appreciate your support.

Alysha :)

[yorkshirepud]

Originally posted by lindrusso


Thanks Adele, I needed to hear that (and it made me tear up). :)


:)

[sneezles]

Alysha,
As others have said I'm sorry your thoughts of the upcoming holidays are adding to your worries. The times that we spent living as
ex-pats gave me a differnet view of the holidays. Like you, my DH is my best friend, and he and the boys are all I really need. A rather selfish outlook as far as other famliy members but a reality none-the-less. We have never traveled at Christmas. There was an open invitation to anyone who wanted to join us but we had decided that we would celebrate in our home. (There was the year we all went to Scotland but we actually had our Christmas dinner and gift exchange after our return in January.) I love the fact that it's just us for Christmas. My MIL is here for Christmas breakfast but is gone on her way to visit others by 11:00am.
I'm sure your boys were disappointed but kids are also very resilient so change is much easier for them. As the one responsible for doing it all, you are probably letting emotions effect the reality of the situation.
I'm sure as the holidays get under way the same friends that are helping you now will also be there making sure that you are doing all right.
I think you should still start preparing what ever preparations that you need for an easier time for yourself. It will help to create a sense of normalcy but you'll just scale it down. Baking enough cookies and cakes or treats just for the family, decorating the house and/or yard in a way that the boys can be the ones who do most of the "work" (so no lights on the roof but rather in the bushes/flower beds), creating a list with the boys as to which jobs they think they can handle. It will be difficult but I think it's better than to have this be remembered as the Christmas Dad was Sick.

[RunnerKim]

Something you might think about doing when scaling back is to ask each family member the 1 most important thing that "makes" it Christmas for them and focus on doing just those things and forget everything else.

I recall a few different holiday seasons from my youth. My dad was in the military so one year he wasn't home and we postponed Christmas until he returned (and after semester finals as we were in high school at the time). It was no less special - in fact I remember it more than other years.

(((Alysha)))

Kim

[DanaSD]

There are ways to scale back in terms of the food yet still have a very festive holiday. This way you will still enjoy the food part of the holidays without added stress on yourself and have time to spend with DH. Our holidays the last few years have been just my fiance and our mothers. The first year I made all the dishes that my family always had but this was a meal for when there would be 20 people for dinner and it was just the 4 of us - a lot of wasted food and a lot of stress on myself. Now instead of turkey I do a cranberry cinnamon glazed pork roast which takes only minutes to prepare and less than an hour to cook. I serve store bought bread and easy side dishes like mashed potatoes and a veggie. No need for the hours of cooking and mass amounts of food and my dish is still festive. For Christmas eve dinner last year we did a cheese fondue - festive yet easy. Pull out all your good dishes and glasses to keep it festive but again this is easy to do. Keep decorations simple but festive - centerpiece could be a bowl of colored ornaments.

[Chiffonade]

First let me say I hope DH kicks the cancer's *ss - then I'll move onto scaling back.

Four years of living in S.W. CO took its toll on our finances which is why we eventually had to move. Though our income is much better here in FL, we needed at least six months to catch our breath financially before we could even think of doing extra things. Christmas was bare bones last year, our first in FL.

We didn't cut back as far as your family, as you plan to out of necessity but we hated having no money. I made up a bunch of home-made mixes and mailed them around the country to our relatives, hoping for the best. They got rave reviews and there are expectations of more mixes this year even though we have a bit more liquid income :rolleyes:.

Although you will be fighting a difficult battle, you will be living what the Christmas Spirit is all about - love in its purest form. You need apologize to no one and only to those you hold very dear, offer an explanation - strictly by your choice to do so.

I wish you both strength during this fight and trust me when I say I'm throwing only the strongest mojo your way for a victory.

[eas11]

Alysha, I am in a similar situation- don't know if it will offer any inspiration, but here's what we're doing:

DH is having heart surgery the week before Thanksgiving, which is when we usually go to NY to spend it with our family. They understand of course that we will not be traveling. My sister and family have offered to come here instead. Not knowing how DH will be feeling, they are on standby, and will completely understand if we say Don't Come.
We have good friends in the area, many of whom have offered to cook for us and keep us company, or drop it off on Thanksgiving and during the extended holiday weekend. I am taking them up on the offers.

We have a small list of people we send holiday gifts to and I usually make something homemade in gift bags for co-workers, friends, etc. This year everyone will get a homemade cards and each will include a note about Masonic Medical Research Laboratory, Dedicated to the study of cardiac arrhythmias and cardiovascular disease , our charity of choice for donation in our family and friends' names. We firmly believe that DH will be well on his way to recovery by gift-giving time. It seemed appropriate to give a gift back to a center focusing on heart research. I know people we care about will understand the lack of time, money and emotional resources during a time of medical crisis. I can't imagine your loved one's being less than understanding as well.

You too need to focus all of your energy on your immediate family right now. Do what you can to keep it from becoming depressing if you are worried about that- and LET OTHERS HELP YOU! Don't worry about asking people to come, or to leave.
HTH, I'll be thinking good, healthy, happy thoughts for you and your family :)
Ellyn

[Beth]

I've been thinking back on the years when DH and I made the move to TX. Neither of us had a job when we moved, and I know we scaled back. The thing is, when I look back, I don't remember them as scaled back, less important or less special. When all is well in your home again, I think you'll look back the same way. I hope so. I hope this year is not as hard as your fear and that next year you won't even have to think about it.

[Cookin4Love]

When I was 26, with two little girls, I had a hysterectomy because of cervical cancer just 5 days before Christmas. We did scale way back. Some wonderful friends came and baked cookies with my girls, I did what shopping I could before my surgery, and we let everything else fall by the wayside. The one that was really important to my girls was their stockings. I always wrapped lots of little treats, and the stocking were one thing they could tear into first thing in the morning. Since that said Christmas to them, I made sure their stockings were ready before I left for the hospital. I was fortunate to be released from the hospital on Christmas Eve. We didn't have as much glitter and "stuff" that year, but we had a huge appreciation for just being together and being alive. I don't even remember what we did for Christmas dinner. Since we didn't think I'd be home from the hospital, we hadn't planned anything. I think it was Jack in the Box or something. Nonetheless, that Christmas stands out as one of the best and most peaceful we've ever had. Wishing you and your family all the best. (((Hugs)))

[sugaree]

A few years ago, I had to have a bilateral mastectomy right before Christmas. My family and I decided not to give gifts to each other that year, but instead to donate in each other's names to the charities of our choice. It made Christmas so much easier and I still really felt the spirit, feeling we were helping and giving to others, which is what Christmas is all about. (We chose charities for children.) Since then, we have all decided to continue doing the same thing.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family, and remember, this to shall pass.

[clairea]

(((((Alysha))))). You and your family are in my thoughts. I suspect this is the kind of thing where the anticipation is worse than the reality. It is a lot of fun to pull out all the stops during the holidays, but I'm sure you can enjoy a meaningful Christmas on a much simpler scale, too. Somebody suggested you find out what the most important thing to each person in your family is, and focus your energies on those things. I think that is a wonderful idea. I think there are probably a lot of things we all do because we "should" or always have, and while they are nice they might not really be missed. Focus on those things, and on the things that say "Christmas" to you without a lot of effort. For me, I have to have a Christmas tree and Christmas music for the house to feel festive. I love to do lots of other decorations to, but some years just getting the tree up has been an accomplishment. My kids have to decorate cookies, and while I would rather use homemade dough, fancy decorations, etc., it is just as much fun for them to sprinkle colored sugar on slice-and-bake. Most important, just recognize that this year *will* be different, but that doesn't make it any less special.

Claire