January TTC Thread

[Jessica]

The "trying to conceive in '04" thread was getting a bit long so I thought I would start a new one. I hope no one minds.

For newcomers, this thread is for anyone who might be trying to have a baby in the next year.

My DH and I are seriously considering a baby but we have not started trying because he travels for work and is gone much of the time. He is trying to find a job where he would not travel so much, so we will see what happens.

FTR, I am 32 and have been married four years, but DH and I have been together for 11 years.

[aprilbride]

Jessica, great idea! I was starting to have a hard time keeping up with the "old" one! Looking forward to more great "conversation" on this thread!

Claudia

PS: I'll be 30 in April, DH will be 35 in March and we got married last April.

[kermit]

Well I'll join the conversation :)

I have an almost-5-month old baby and would like to conceive my next munchkin in 2004 :eek: Am I Crazy? Maybe!

BTW, I'm 31, also an april bride - DH & I were married April 2002. Look forward to getting to know you all !

Jennifer

[gertdog]

I'll chime in on this thread too, after lurking on the original thread through most of January.

I am 32 and DH is 31; we were married in July of 2002.

We are hoping to conceive this year but not quite yet. For now, I have stopped taking the pill and am charting. I have some minor health problems that may make it difficult for me to conceive, so I am working with my doctor now to understand what my body is doing these days. :)

[RebeccaT]

I'll join the conversation, although I am not sure how much I'll have to contribute. DH is currently "stewing" on things. He knows I'd like to start trying this year, but he's not sure where he stands on that. But, with it being "out there," I have become a lot more open in general about the feelings when they come up. I have also been encouraging him to talk more to his buddies who are new dads - Jen, I took it to heart when you said that really helped Peter, and I am hoping that it helps Charles become more comfortable with the idea.

I am visiting a new ob/gyn next month, which I am switching to for the express reason that she has delivered two of my friends' babies, and they both love her. I am hoping that my visit to the doctor will spawn another good conversation with DH.

Oh, and DH and I have been married for 4 years, and have been together for, gosh, almost 9!!! :eek: :D Hard to believe!

[jphilg]

Oh good...I am glad we are intitutionalizing this thread because this is one of the only places I talk candidly about my excitement.

I will be 30 in March, DH will be 30 in April, we've been married for 2.5 years, and are thinking that the time is getting right for a kiddo. We've talked about it a lot; I think that I am going off the pill in April.

I get really excited thinking about it. Of course, I have a house to remodel and a job to hunker down at before any little kiddo comes into our life, but I am trying to let go of all of the things I want to get in a row before we have a baby, and realize that whatever happens, it is going to be ok.

[MinEaston]

OK, I'll play ;) but if there's anyone out there who recognizes me you're not allowed to tell anyone else.

I'll be 33 this spring, just finished getting my masters degree, married for 8.5 years to DH who is 36. We're hoping that this might be the year for a child of our own, having been an aunt & uncle for almost 3 years (new niece born yesterday, too!)

As I mentioned on the other thread, I've been charting for 9+ months to get a handle on my body, and it's been a pretty amazing process. I've been doing the prenatal vitamins for years now and have always tried to watch what I eat.

Good luck to all (practice makes perfect, right? :D :D :D )

[JenZen]

Count me in.

I'm 26, and DH is 36. We were just married in October. I went off the pill at the end of November, and right now I'm just letting my body get back to normal while we mentally adjust to the idea of having a baby. Will it be this year? Don't really know. DH is still freaking out a little, but we've been talking a lot, and we know it's in the future. DH doesn't want to get much older before having kids.

He still wants to adjust to "us" after being single for so long, and for that, I don't blame him. It's just hard waiting. :(

Exciting and scary times ahead. :)

[TerriS]

Hey there! I'm also turning 30 in April, DH is 33, and I think we are going to start trying in the summer, going off the pill around my b-day to make sure all systems are still working. We've also been married about 2.5 years (August 2001) and I can't believe it's been that long! We're planning a trip to Germany and Austria around Memorial Day that might be our "final fling!"

We are surrounded by dear friends with babies and children of many ages, so I have a pretty good idea of what we're in for, and am just summoning my courage to make sure it's what I really want. I should add that we have a furbaby, our 11 year old mixed breed Lab retriever, Jack. We often think that he is our baby with the attention he demands! DH is pretty on board with the idea of offspring; I think he's as nervous as I am.

[Meg O'C]

Hi All,

I am joining (but with some reservation)! DH and I have been trying to conceive for almost two years now. I almost posted on the thread from last month but didn't want to be a downer . . . since the thread was really more about the excitement of starting to try to conceive than the roller coaster of having been trying to conceive. In addition to not wanting to be a downer to the rest of you, I have been making a real effort to not put myself in situations that will bring me down (everyone, and I mean everyone, we know has conceived in the almost two years we've been trying - no less than 30 siblings, cousins, friends, and co-workers). I have been avoiding baby showers for the past four months and any announcement of a new pregnancy can sometimes send me into a funk for a couple of days. I do, however, lurk on the new moms and toddler moms threads, not the pregnancy thread anymore but that is where I started lurking back when there were the pregnant Susans (MrsReber and Susan D - who I don't think posts anymore).

Hopefully I am not bringing you all down . . .here are my stats . . . I am 32, DH is 31. We've been married since September 2000. We've been TTC for almost two years and seeing a fertility specialist for a little over a year. We've charted and used OPKs, spent six months on clomid (got pregnant the first month on it last winter but miscarried twins in the spring), had three failed insemination attempts (while on clomid), and a laparoscopy in December. I am in my first cycle on injectables and we are going in for insemination on Saturday! Please send us good thoughts!

So, while all that may sound pretty negative, I am actually feeling really optimistic about our chances this month, and if not this month, then this year! There are great success rates for women in the months after laparoscopy if they have been able to treat minor problems during the surgery (which was the case with me). There are also great success rates for women on injectables. I feel like we have a winning combination this month!

I am also just really darn proud of myself for getting through my first cycle of injectables. I thought I'd never be able to inject myself but I can and it's not that bad! If it doesn't work this cycle, I know that physically and emotionally I can handle another one (if two cycles of injectables don't work, we'll re-evaluate our next steps). The side effects from injectables are much less than with clomid so I am feeling more like myself than I have in a long time. The past year has been tough but I've learned I am tough too. I've learned a lot about patience, resilience, and gratitude (for the many blessings I already have). I've learned my DH is an even more loving and supportive person than I already knew he was!

So, hopefully I'm ending this loooong post on a positive note. Good luck, ladies! If you don't see me around for stretches, it just means I need some time (my friends and family have gotten used to this). I am sure most, if not all, of you will not have any problems getting pregnant, but if you do, please don't hesitate to reach out to me!

Also, a bit of advice . . . if you and DH both think you are ready to start trying, start! It might take longer than you anticipate (then again, you may conceive on your first try . . . you never know). Also, if you think you have a problem and something is not right, trust your knowledge of your own body and don't let a doctor blow you off and tell you "it's only been six months, come back and see me if you're not pregnant in another six." I am still angry at the doctor who said that to me sixteen months ago!

Take good care of yourselves, everyone!

[aprilbride]

Meg, welcome! Thank you so much for your post and your contribution to the subject, I can only speak for myself but think that everyone welcomes your feedback and thoughts. I've often wondered how things will work out for us, if it'll take longer than anticipated, things like that. I have a friend that's going through the same trials you are, so I know how hard it can sometimes get. Come back often and check in to let us know how everything is working out. Good luck with your treatments!!!!

Claudia

[Meg O'C]

Thanks Claudia! I am happy to be a part of the group!

[Lrimerman]

Originally posted by aprilbride
Meg, welcome! Thank you so much for your post and your contribution to the subject, I can only speak for myself but think that everyone welcomes your feedback and thoughts... Come back often and check in to let us know how everything is working out. Good luck with your treatments!!!!



Ditto.

I have been lurking on this thread for a while. I already have 2 beautiful children and DH and I have been talking about a third this year. It is nice to read this thread and feel a part of a community.

Lisa

[EmilyK]

I posted on the other thread, but here's a recap of us: both 25, married 2.5 years...

Okay, so I went to my doctor yesterday. I have been having some problems on my current BCP. We would like to start trying in June, and she said she would normally have me go off the BCP 3 months before we start trying. If I were to switch to a new one to help with my current issues, it could take 3 months to straighten itself out... then go off it? Anyway, she took me totally off of the pill.

I told her that I know next to nothing about this TTC stuff, so she drew me a little chart and discussed the "window of opportunity". She also told me that I can continue to take my current multi-vitamin until we actually start TTC THEN I should start taking the prescribed prenatal vitamin. When I asked about my exercise (cardio and weights), she said I can keep doing exactly what I'm already doing. I asked if I just scale it down a little? She said "Nope. At some point, you won't be able to do as much, but you'll know when that is." She didn't tell me anything about what I can or can't eat (a little disappointed with that).

I know it's pretty early yet to worry about any of this stuff, but I am one of those people that HAS to research everything and get as much info as possible! I was a little disappointed that she didn't recommend any books or magazines that could help me understand everything (I asked, but she couldn't think of any.)

Sorry my posts all seem to be SOOOOO long, but I haven't really told anybody that we're going to be trying and I need to talk to somebody! :o

[JenZen]

Good morning, all.

I'm having difficulties with my stupid thermometer. I thought something was up, because it's been reading 97.5 every morning. Well, I tested it against my regular Vick's digital thermometer, and then one read 98.3 right before work while the basal one was still reading 97.5. grrrrr.... This means I probably have a whole week's worth of worthless temps. I think I'll switch over to the Vick's thermometer, because it seems to be working better.

Anyway ... Meg, glad to see you over here. And thank you for your words of wisdom and willingness to answer questions.


EmilyK, I'm glad you asked about the regular mutlivitamin, because I never had my prenatal vitamin prescription filled. I've just been taking a women's multi for now.

That's it from here,

Hope all of you have a good weekend.

Jen

[Jessica]

Meg--Welcome to the thread. I am so sorry you are having difficulties conceiving and I appreciate you sharing your story here. I have a good friend who is dealing with some similar issues and while I cannot say I know what you are going through, I do know it is a very rough time. Please come here when you need support and virtual hugs!

EmilyK--I have a book called "Before Your Pregnancy" by Amy Ogle and Lisa Mazzullo. The authors are a nutritionist and a doctor and they offer a lot of advice about diet and exercise in the book. I have not gone for a pre-TTC doctor's appointment yet, but I have heard that it is good to get as fit as you can before pregnancy because you cannot increase your level of exercise that much once you are pregnant. Anyway, this book might be useful for you. I bought it on Amazon.

[TerriS]

EmilyK - I am such the researcher too. I haven't spent much time there yet, but many of my friends mentioned www.babycenter.com as a good resource. This page http://www.babycenter.com/momsnutrition/ has articles (scroll way down) on what's safe to eat during pregnancy. That might get you started. I am under the impression that your doc will give you a "no" list when you are actually pregnant, too.

[Jessica]

Just wanted to say I am sorry for the stupid typo when I started this thread. I meant to say the last thread was "a bit long," not "a big long" and I fixed it. Duh. And yes, I do this for a living :rolleyes:

TGIF!!!!

[615bride]

I posted on the other thread but here's my situation. I'm almost 28, married for 1.5 years. I went off the pill in Dec and my doctor said to wait a cycle before TTC. I am on prescription prenatal vitamins. We haven't told anyone in real life either so this thread is a great place to "talk" and ask questions. I started temping mid-cycle and will most likely continue until we conceive hopefully sometime this spring. DH and I are both beyond excited and it's hard not to tell anyone but it's important to us both that we keep it to ourselves for now. Thanks to everyone for posting and answering questions!!

[EmilyK]

Jessica and TerriS, thanks for your suggestions... I will definitely be checking them out!

JenZen, I currently take the OneADay (or something) for Mind and Energy. I think I'm going to be switching to one that doesn't have the herbal stuff in it... I don't know what is okay or not, so I figure I'll just go with the Vitamins and Minerals! I'm making sure I have at least 400 mcg of Folic Acid, but she said as long as I'm taking the prenatal when we start trying, I'm fine. Until it implants, it doesn't get any of the nutrients anyway. (her words, not mine)

I had to ask her when I actually need to come back to see her. She looked at me funny and said, "When you get a positive test!" Duh!! I felt a little silly...

Emily

[RebeccaT]

Meg, thank you for posting. You sound so optimistic, and I will be thinking good thoughts for you on Saturday! I have had multiple friends who have had difficulties TTC - and they were in their late 20's or early 30's. It startles me, because it seems to be more prevalent than it was a generation ago... or maybe it just seems that way because I am more aware? I don't know. But I hope it works out the way you want it!

[Beth H]

I'm going to join this thread as well. I'm 33 (will be 34 in July), DH is 34, and we've been married for almost 8 years. I went off the pill last spring, but waited a few cycles until I was certain of my cycle. I used to have long, irregular cycles but since going off the pill they have been very reliable. I did get pregnant in August but had a "chemical pregnancy" - it never really "took," according to my doctor. I had to wait another cycle, but then we decided to wait a couple more cycles (for selfish reasons) as I did not want to be newly pregnant over the holidays and a New Year's trip to Vegas.

I've had ambivalent feelings about having kids for many years - obviously since DH and I have been married a while without them. I think for the next few months I just want to see what happens - I am not ready necessarily to start charting, monitoring body temperature, etc.

I haven't told anyone in "real life" except one close friend and my sister about trying, not even our parents. It's great to have a forum to discuss this openly!

[EmilyK]

Out of curiosity, do any of you have pets? I worry about how we'll deal with them and a new baby around the house. Our dog is not terribly rambunctious, but he's still pretty young. Then, we have the two cats. (yes, quite the zoo at our house) I know other people have done it, but does anybody worry about it? I think I've heard of cats trying to get into cribs, etc.

I know when you are pregnant, you shouldn't be around the kitty litter because of a certain strain of bacteria. BUT, the cats are in the litter... do you have to worry about their dusty little paws?

Just curious...

[gertdog]

Emily, we have a 6-year-old lab mix who is very used to being the center of attention. Given her relatively obedient nature, I don't anticipate any real problems, but I do know we will have to make an extra effort to give her plenty of exercise and petting.

I do have two different friends (one in NY and one in CA) whose golden retrievers had a penchant for eating the baby's things- particularly washcloths and bibs. One ate a crib sheet! :eek: Surgery was involved in both cases. I don't know if this was a way of showing jealousy, or if goldens are just *really* attracted to baby smells.

[Beth H]

The concern about cat litter is toxoplasmosis. If your cats don't go outside, the chances of them having toxoplasmosis is virtually none. If you have had outside/indoor cats for a long time, chances are you already have been exposed to this already and thus could not contract it while pregnant. Frankly, I think a lot of the information out there on the risk of cats/cat litter is over-stated. However, as a precaution, while you are pregnant (or trying), either have your spouse change the cat litter or wear gloves while doing it. You also (actually more easily) can contract toxoplasmosis while handling raw meat - so make sure you wash up while cooking with meat.

[EmilyK]

Whoa!! :eek: I hadn't even thought about them EATING baby stuff! I was just worried about any behavioral issues!

The cats are strictly indoors only, so I guess chances are much lower for them. We already have the routine of DH changing litter, because at some point we knew I would be (trying to get/be) pregnant.

Actually, on a funny note... DH started laughing out of the blue last night and said, "Can you imagine when we go to the toy store for the first time!?" Then took a look at the enormous basket of toys for the pets... I looked at him sheepishly and noted that they need all of those toys! :D

[CORALEE]

o.k. I am in. I am 31 yrs old... dh is 32. we have two wonderful little boys 2 & 4 and somehow it doesnt seem finished. DH wants three boys desperately (he comes from 3 boys.. I come from 3 girls)and I am very receptive to another child. thing is we are on our way out of diapers, and night feedings, and teething for the second time now and every now and again wonder if I want to get into it all again. At the end of the day I look into my crystal ball and see our family of 5 (not 4) and I guess the "baby" part is not what I should concentrate on seeing as it is only a very short time (it really fly's by) I have no issues with being pregnant or giving birth again. Both good experiences for me. We have not been using any birth control since November and after a full physical and a go ahead from my family doctor we will see where fate takes us. Prenatal vitamins are an important part of my daily regimine too.

(((meg))) All my well wishes are coming your way. I wish you the best of luck. My best friend in the whole world has alsmost the exact same history as you except last year she had the "lap" done and got pregnant on the injections. This time, as opposed to others, she carried to term and had a beautiful little girl (I am the god mother so I can brag) It is funny (not ha ha) but the people who will make the best parents have the hardest time. I am willing conception your way.

trish

best of luck to all

[Meg O'C]

Hi Everyone,
Thanks for your kind words. Just wanted to add my experience re: coming off the BCP and pre-natals. We started trying to conceive our first cycle off the pill. My regular doctor had advised waiting 2-3 cycles but said that was really only for the purposes of dating the pregnancy, not because of risks to an embryo or anything like that. I know plenty of people who got pregnant right off the pill . . . and even one who got pregnant while she was still on the pill (don't quite know how that happened), but anyway, all have had healthy pregnancies and healthy children.

My doc recommended just taking a regular multi-vitamin which is what I did. When I got pregnant last winter they put me on real pre-natal vitamins and then I just stayed on them. I take the pre-natal z-tabs and have not had any problems with them. I know some people have experienced issues with nausea from pre-nates.

Regarding telling people about whether or not you are trying, we told almost no one for the first year (just my sis and a few close friends). I opened up to my mom before we started seeing our specialist last January. After the miscarriage, we let everyone know our situation (the miscarriage and the fact that it had taken a year to get pregnant). It hasn't prevented stupid, insensitive comments entirely but I'm sure it has made some people around us think twice before saying something dumb in front of us! These days I don't walk around blabbing to everyone about exactly where we are with things (I know, hard to believe from my posts), but if someone asks or makes a comment, I have no problem letting them know what's going on.

[EmilyK]

Meg, my heart goes out to you and your DH! I wish you guys the best of luck this year... I can't imagine what you guys have been going through. Thanks for sharing your experiences with us and joining the group!

Emily

[crlykat]

Does anyone mind if I join in? (DH and I are thinking 2005, not 2004, though). I think it helps make it more real for me if I start thinking/planning/talking with others now. DH and I have been married a little over 3 years September 2000). I'm 31 and he is 32. The last thread did scare me a bit about age, but I really think 2005 is best for us in terms of career, finances, and time for us to be together first. Plus, my FIL has been living with us for some time (hopefully that will end in 2 weeks) and it has been extremely stressful. I would like to spend more time with us two after he leaves before we try for a little peanut. Ok, enough rambling about me, I have not much to offer!
Meg, I read your post with tears, and I send good wishes your way.

[aprilbride]

Okay...I watched the Discovery Channel Baby program last night (DH is out of town so I thought I'd "indulge"), and frankly, I'm frightened! I'm a big wimp in general when it comes to pain, but that just might put me over the edge! Whew......I guess it's just something you get through, one way or another. Anyone else watched the program before? (I don't think I'll add it to my weekly Tivo list of "Must See TV":-))

[Jessica]

We don't have cable, so I will be spared this program :)

[RebeccaT]

Was it "A Baby Story?" I've seen it a couple of times when I was home sick from work. It definitely gives a different perspective!! :eek: :eek:

[aprilbride]

I think it was "A Baby Story"....I've been lucky and have never been in the hospital or have had surgery (I've been refusing to get my wisdom teeth taken out, I think I may have a phobia of some sort:-)) so having a baby will definetely be a test of how tough I can really be!

[Molli526]

I agree, the Discovery Channel's A Baby Story is much more real than the TLC's A Baby Story. I find DC's very eye opening.

[aprilbride]

Eye opening is a good way to describe it! Kind of like a reality check in the midst of all these happy baby thoughts:-) Has anyone considered the possibility of an under water birth? I'm getting waaaay ahead of myself here but I've always thought it would be something to look into..

[Molli526]

I think to each their own. Personally, I want all the medical advancements of a hospital etc. I also know that I want an epidural.

[kermit]

One of my close friends did an underwater birth for her first baby. She could not have an epidural AND water birth - she was surprised to find that out in the midst of her labor pain :eek: - so she had to choose. I'm impressed she held out & did the water birth without any pain medication! The down side was that she also tore pretty bad in the process of pushing her baby out -- supposedly because no one was there with a "up close & personal" view to watch & coach her pushing to help minimize the tearing. Took a couple months to heal -- Ouch!!

Anyway... yep I guess we're getting ahead of ourselves here :) I just love to hear about different birth experiences so had to share.. he he..& I love watching those Tv shows! But when I was pregnant I would cry every time I watched those shows so I had to stop!! Hormone overload :)

It's fun to think about all the different alternatives. My baby was delivered by an unplanned, unwanted (but in the end, necessary) c-section :( so I hope to have a better experience when the next munchkin arrives.

Jennifer

[EmilyK]

When I was unemployed (right after our wedding and relocation), I would watch TLC's A Baby Story... I promptly informed my new husband that it would be a long time IF we ever had kids! I was freaked out! As it is, it still scares me a bit when I watch Discovery Health channel...

I'm also a big wimp when it comes to pain and I'm 99.9% sure I would want an epidural!!

Has anybody else been discussing/arguing about how you will raise your future children? DH likes to avoid conflict, but I've tried to explain to him that it's better to discuss now than once we're already there!

[TerriS]

Aprilbride, I have a bit of a hospital phobia too...I am not looking forward to that element of giving birth. But labor doesn't scare me that much. I figure I can handle it. However bad it is, it doesn't last forever. My friends who have been through it all say that it's awful but it's worth it. What I'm nervous about is being stuck in a hospital bed and pumped up with all kinds of drugs. I'm okay with an epi but I think I would never want to be induced.

I think a lot about how we will raise a kid, EmilyK. Haven't talked about it much with DH, since we are still 6 months away from TTC, but occassionally one of us will see an article in the paper or something and comment on it. Like, I really don't think I will allow video games in my home. No Nintendo, none of that. I just really can't stand them. It seems like people really overindulge their kids nowadays and I want to stay away from that. Easier said than done, I know. :p

[gertdog]

As for thinking about how we might raise a child- it is funny for DH and I because we are both trained as developmental psychologists (research, not clinical). Let me assure you that this does not make us feel any more confident! Especially since many of our grad school professors, developmental psychologists themselves, had kids who ran the gamut from straight-A student to troubled. My feeling is that you can read all the research reports you want, but deciding how to raise your children is probably equal parts personal values and good sense.

DH and I do talk about it- particularly about things like sleep issues (to Ferberize or not to Ferberize?), discipline, vegetarianism (I eat veg., DH does not), and television (years ago DH co-authored a small study of families who do not have television in their homes, which adds an interesting twist to our discussion). One thing we have not broached is religion- we have different beliefs, and we will need to talk about that sooner rather than later. It did come up in re: our wedding, but our solution was a practical compromise rather than a thought-out lifelong plan.

[MrsReber]

Grr! Double post!!

[MrsReber]

Gertdog, I am very interested in that study about television. I'm having some issues with that right now. DH thinks it's okay to watch very inappropriate things in front of the kids because they're so young (18 months and 2 1/2). I yell at him about this at least once a week. I'm at the point where I just want to get rid of cable and be done with it.

Yeah, yeah, I know I don't belong on this thread, but that tv study caught my eye! :)

[Beth H]

TV/video games are such a tough issue. I think it's easy for people with no kids (like me) to say, "I wouldn't let my kids watch too much TV or play video games." I know that there are times when it is great for a parent to have their young kids watching a video for a quiet hour. At the same time, I hope that if/when I become a parent, I try to create some balance. I also think (and this is just my opinion, not a criticism) that if kids don't watch any TV, etc. that they might feel "left out" of certain discussions when they go to school. TV is an important part of our popular culture, I guess.

[Meg O'C]

Hi Everyone,
Well, we had our 4th insemination attempt on Saturday - 1st on injectables. I had considerably more cramping during and following the procedure than I've had with the other attempts but it was performed by a different doctor who just joined the practice. So, who knows. After three earlier disappointments, I try very hard during this two-week wait to not overanalyze every little thing I feel. However, having been pregnant before I do remember what it felt like early on so it's hard not to overanalyze. I am really trying to be good though because it's very early and the injection to trigger ovulation is HCG, a pregnancy hormone, so most likely any symptoms I am feeling are the result of having that in my system or the fact that I had multiple follicles because of the injections (so more progesterone after ovulation than if there had only been one follicle and one egg). I go in Friday for bloodwork, ultrasound and another shot of HCG (in case I am pregnant, this helps it along) but then I have to wait another full week for the HCG to get out of my system to get a valid pregnancy test result - torture!!!

We also visited another doctor for a consultation last Friday. I had set this appt up months ago in the event our laparoscopy results told us we should be trying something other (more aggressive) than what we are doing. I really loved the new practice and since my current practice has recently taken on another doctor (and all her patients), the office has been crazy. Ninety minute waits last week for my blood work and ultrasound appts (and I was there three times last week, separate from the insemination visit!). I was showing up at the doctor's office at 6:30 am and barely making it to work by 9 am - I don't need that stress! They also took us an hour late for our insemination on Saturday. DH and I kept looking at each other in the crowded waiting room, rolling our eyes and whispering, "If it doesn't work this month, we are out of here!" So, if it doesn't work, we will switch practices. I've generally been pleased with my current doctor but the office chaos has only gotten worse. This new place has amazing success rates for more advanced treatments.

As far as giving birth, I know several people who have used midwives but they have all been affiliated with practices that also have doctors and deliver in hospitals. My sister loved the midwives she saw with her first pregnancy but because of some serious pre-term labor issues she had with her first, she is now seeing doctors in the same practice for her second pregnancy. Not that the doctors can prevent pre-term labor but she felt they treated it more aggressively and took her situation more seriously (she also has a friend who lost twins at 23 weeks this summer and was seeing the midwives - again, not the midwives' fault, but this friend is now pregnant again and seeing doctors in the practice and feeling better about the care she is getting). She (my sis) misses the close relationship she had with the midwives but also feels better about the care she is getting with the doctors. Then again, I have a friend who was with midwives (different practice and different hospital) for both her pregnancies and she raves about the experience. It's a personal decision - no right or wrong answer. I had always thought I would go with midwives but if we wind up pregnant with multiples again (highly likely given our treatments), I would probably opt for a doctor. BTW, even in the hospital my sister did some of her laboring a whirlpool, but then got out when she was fully dilated and ready to push.

Another thing to consider is the hoptial itself. There are several near us but I will absolutely deliver at a place with a NICU (neo-natal intensive care unit). It's just good to know that God forbid something were to go wrong, the baby can be in intensive care right there rather than have to be moved to a different hospital (while you stay where you are). In the end, even though my sister wound up making it to 36 weeks (basically thanks to drugs, bedrest and multiple trips to the hospital between weeks 28 and 36), had she delivered as early as she started experieincing pre-term labor, her baby definitely would have needed the NICU. So, anyway, since the women in my family tend to deliver early (and have very quick labors), I will opt for the hosptial (with the NICU) and try to go natural. My sis progressed so quickly she pretty much missed her window for drugs. Not to say we would have identical birthing experiences but mom also went early and fast when she delivered. Watch, I'll wind up in labor for 36 hours! With my sis we joked that the reason she went so fast was because she had really been in labor for eight weeks already!

I have no qualms about hospitals, needles, etc. especially given everything we've been through trying to get pregnant. The thought of labor used to scare the heck out of me, but the point I'm at, I figure there is no way a few hours, even a day of physically painful labor and delivery can be as bad as the emotional pain of the past year! I just want a baby so badly I don't care how much it hurts!!

As far as raising kids, DH jokes that he is going to be a really tough dad, pushing the kids in sports and school. He says he is going to institute a new vocabulary word a day starting at age two and make them do math problems with their Cheerios in their high chairs. I tell him if that is the case, I will definitely be the favorite parent! Truthfully, I think he is going to be a big softie!

Sorry for the long ramble. It does feel good to have a place to come to chat . . . or babble on, is more like it!

[LaraW]

de-lurking to say that my fingers are crossed for you, Meg. I hope the next couple of weeks go by quickly for you, and you get a great big + sign.

[Jessica]

Interesting discussion. I haven't spent a night in the hospital since I was born, but I am not particularly afraid of them. I would prefer childbirth without drugs but I realize that I don't know my own pain limitations and I am keeping an open mind. I've chosen a practice with nurse-midwives that delivers at a hospital with a NICU, but I can change to a doctor if there are complications in the pregnancy that require it.

I haven't made my first appointment yet. Has anyone had a preconception appointment??

We haven't talked that much about raising kids. We did discuss religion before we were even married, because DH is not Jewish and I wanted my children raised Jewish. He is a non-practicing Protestant and is comfortable with the idea. We agree on most lifestyle decisions but our main concern is that our children grow up in a home where the parents love each other. Both of us grew up with divorced parents and I also grew up in a home with a lot of violence, although I was never physically harmed.

One thing I have learned as I watch my friends raise their kids is that there is no One Best Way. As I once read, there are millions of ways to be a good mother and no way to be a perfect one. I think DH and I, for all our faults, are good people and we will try to impart the best of us into our children.

Meg--My prayers are with you. Take care of yourself and update us when you can.

[EmilyK]

I know what you guys mean about the video games and the television. We have several nephews that seem to be permanently attached to their gameboys. We've also been at restaurants where kids will play the whole time the family is eating. We already have a Nintendo Gamecube for DH's entertainment, but he will only play it once in a great while for an hour or two at a time. I would hope we could limit game playing time (for the kids) when we have them. Same goes for the television... DH and I have always been avid readers, and we'd like reading time to outweigh the tv time.

There hasn't been any argument about religion - DH is Catholic, I am not (I was baptized UCC when I was younger). We were married in the Catholic church and we knew before we were even married that we would raise our kids Catholic. Just this weekend, we decided to find a parish in our area (we moved last year) and start attending regularly.

I think we're on the same page as far as discipline goes and sports/music, but we've argued about how they will eat. I am very anti-fast food... I'm really scared to have a kid that will only eat mac-n-cheese, chicken nuggets, and french fries. I think we've worked out the kinks in that one, though...

Does anybody live far away from family? We're about 3 1/2 - 4 hours away from both of our families and have struggled with how to handle visits. His family refuses to come to visit us down here, while my family visits all the time. I just don't want to drive that kind of distance with a small child/newborn and have to possibly stay overnight at the MIL's house.

Meg, crossing my fingers for you!! Good luck!

[Meg O'C]

Hey, I missed reading the posts about TV since I was busy posting my dissertation (crazy, long post):rolleyes: . I would love to hear more about the TV study. Newsweek had something a while back saying that babies shouldn't be put in front of a TV at all until they are at least 18 months - two years old. I forget exactly what it said.

I know we'll put our kids in front of the TV sometimes (DVDs and Sesame Street are the only things that allow a lot of moms I know to take showers and do a little bit of house cleaning) and I won't feel badly about it. As long as we monitor what they are watching and how much, I don't think a little TV is so bad.

DH and I have six nephews and a niece aged four and under . . . and another niece or nephew due in May (no multiples either - obviously our siblings have no problems conceiving!) and it really has been fascinating to see the different decisions our siblings have made and different parenting styles at play (re: TV, sleeping, eating, bottles, breast feeding, pacifiers, pre-school, day care, working, etc.). We've been able to stand back and say (just to each other, of course), we'll definitely do this or we won't do that. But who knows how it will play out when we're dealing with our own children. We've also seen the different rates at which the kids have done new things. DH says if there is one thing he has learned as an observer over the past four years, it's that you can't get upset if your child isn't meeting all the milestones (crawling, walking, talking, etc.) exactly as they are spelled out in the books.

Okay, I'll shut up for a while now!

[Meg O'C]

Originally posted by Jessica


One thing I have learned as I watch my friends raise their kids is that there is no One Best Way. As I once read, there are millions of ways to be a good mother and no way to be a perfect one. I think DH and I, for all our faults, are good people and we will try to impart the best of us into our children.



Okay, so I lied!

Jessica, beautifully said! I think your choice about the midwives is a great one - I really didn't want to come off sounding anti-midwife. I am actually a strong proponent of midwives. Also, I agree with you 100% about raising your kids in a loving home. That is the most important thing!

Thanks for the good wishes, everyone.

As you can tell from my posts, we live close (within an hour) to all our siblings and parents (for now, DH's one brother is moving to Japan in June). Sometimes I wish there was a little more distance but mostly I am happy we are close to everyone and we are all respectful of each other's space.

Emily, as long as DH's parents can drive, I don't think there is anything wrong with expecting them to come visit you sometimes. I don't think 3 1/2 - 4 hours is that far.

[EmilyK]

Meg, DH has 4 siblings (2 are married) and 7 nieces and nephews. His dad passed away a little over 4 years ago, and his mother has not remarried. She’s 64 years old and lives in a small town. The thought of driving the interstates really intimidates her, but we’ve told her that she has a son living across the street and another 10 minutes away (both are single) – they could easily drive her down for a visit. She has been to see us 2 times in 3 years and only one of the single siblings has visited a few times on his way through town. It hurts DH’s feelings that they don’t want to come to us, but we’re chastised if we don’t visit them once a month.

I’m also worried about how she’ll treat us when we have a kid… all she talks about is how so-and-so doesn’t do this right or that right… so-and-so’s kids are SO spoiled. I’ve seen her slap our niece (then 3) on the face (they are a time-out family, no spanking). I don’t know how I’ll react to something like that – it may start a family war!! I don’t think she’s a violent person and don’t want it to sound like she is. Her mentality is: she raised 5 kids and baby sits for a living, so her way is the best and only way to do things.

Oh, and we don’t live IN the city, we’re in the burbs…

… wow, I write long messages every time I post! Sorry guys!

[Jessica]

We live a 7-8 hour drive from DH's parents and a similar distance from my mother and sister. My father lives in town, and my brother lives here, although he is moving far away to go to grad school this fall.

My DH's sister had a baby this summer and since then family members have traveled to see her, so I don't think that will be a problem.

[Beth H]

Meg - just wanted to wish you all the best. I hope you will be moving from our threaad to the pregnancy one sometime soon.

[gertdog]

Meg, I'm sending lots of good wishes your way!

Jessica, I love that statement (a million ways to be a good mom and no way to be a perfect one) and am going to post that over my kiddo's crib one day! :)

We live across the country from my family, and 9 hours from DH's father. Until recently DH's mother was 4 hours away, but now she is an hour away. It's too early to tell whether we will have issues with that, but I do feel sad when I think about my children not knowing my parents very well. I don't want them to be strangers to their grandchildren!

For those who are interested in the TV issues, I thought the Newsweek article was a pretty good summary. DH's research involved case studies of families who chose not to have any TV in their house (for kids OR adults), so it wasn't a comparison that resulted in a recommendation of any one "best method." They did find that the kids from no-TV homes had a lot of positive outcomes in school and in terms of social skills. The drawbacks they found were also social- some teasing by other kids, and criticism of the parents by other adults. Again, though, this was not an experiment so there was no comparison group of TV-watching families- it can't be concluded from this study that no TV is better than some TV etc.

[RebeccaT]

Wow, there is so much I want to respond to.

First of all... Meg, my thoughts are with you. Please know that, across the country, there are women who are holding out hope that everything worked for you this time! And, if it didn't, those same women will be here for you whatever you decide to do next. :)

Re: childbirth. I watched an underwater birth on the Discovery Channel. I thought it looked... well, I'll just say it - ridiculous. I just don't see how it would be a better experience for the baby or for mom. I mean, you're not delivering a reptile, you're delivering a human! And water does not equal amniotic fluid! However, if anyone here decides to go that route, I think that's great! Whatever makes you comfortable! Please feel free to convince me that I have no idea what I am talking about! :o :D

Re: raising children once they're here. DH and I talk about it all the time; we always have. We just had an interesting conversation on Sunday, in fact. We were talking about the way the teenagers at our church dress - flip-flops, un-ironed pants, short skirts and tight sweaters - DH was lamenting the fact that their parents even let them out of the house like that, particularly for church. I said that some parents choose to pick their battles, and that this may not be one they choose to fight. He said that in his house, it would not even be up for discussion or compromise - there are things that are appropriate to wear to certain places and events and things that are not, and that was that.

Fortunately, I will not be giving birth to a 13 year old, so we have a LONG time to work the kinks out! :rolleyes: :D

[TerriS]

Good luck Meg! Fingers crossed that this takes!!!

gertdog, I am in a similar position in that I am a researcher studying education policy. So I have some pretty strong opinions about reading and TV and video games! I am worried about that study showing kids shouldn't be in front of a TV until 18 months or 2 years - I have so many friends who rely on these Baby Bach or Baby Einstein videos to settle their babies. So I have mixed feelings about that. It is definitely a personal decision; I didn't mean for it to sound like I was condemning all forms of media. I have real vendetta against video games but that's just me. My parents forbid them from our house when I was growing up (it was Pac-Man, but still) and in retrospect I think that was a good decision. We were also not allowed to have TVs in our rooms and that is another policy I hope to stick to.

The family distance is something I think about too. My family is all 3000 miles away in California. They've made it clear that they're up for visits whenever. DH's parents just retired and moved 4 hours away, which, shockingly, I am bummed by. I liked having some family close by (they used to live an hour away) but now it is more of a schlep. They are very quiet, secluded people who keep to themselves, so I worry we won't see much of them. DH does have siblings who live an hour away as well, but they aren't super close so we don't see them too often. Maybe a baby will spark their interest - both are older (in their 40s) and do not have kids so we are the last chance for offspring on DHs side!

[Beth H]

DH was lamenting the fact that their parents even let them out of the house like that,

My DH is an assistant principal at a high school. A lot of parents don't let their kids go to school dressed in skimpy clothes - the girls change in the restrooms once they get there! :( Hopefully teen fashions will change back to preppy/conservative in the next decade or so! :)

[RebeccaT]

Originally posted by gertdog
Again, though, this was not an experiment so there was no comparison group of TV-watching families- it can't be concluded from this study that no TV is better than some TV etc.

... Stephanie, this made me chuckle. Ah, research studies and caveats. I learned all of that, too. I found myself explaining to someone at work the other day how corrolation does not mean causation, and all my graduate studies and research courses came rushing back... ;)

On the grandparent issue: DH's parents are 15 minutes away, and mine are 1200 miles. :( I worry a little about it, too, but I have a great relationship with my inlaws and I am glad that we will have some family around, at least. I do know that it will be hard on my parents not to be closer, but I am hoping it will encourage them to come visit more often. :)

[greta]

...i hope it's ok for a pregnant one to chime in! ;)

first off, meg, you are in my prayers.

secondly, it's so good to hear that people are talking with their husbands about issues involving raising children. my DH and i have been having these discussions for quite some time now. fortunately, we are on the same page about a lot of things--but there is still room for compromise on some issues.

the ways kids dress now is a big issue for me. who, in their right mind, is buying their young girls thong underwear that will peep above their low-riding jeans????? i hope i do not offend...obviously, it's something i feel strongly about.

but i also agree that, as parents, we need to pick our battles. i'll be interested to see which battles i let slide. i tend to think that i'll parent like my parents did--they gave us all the love we needed, but didn't give us all of the STUFF everybody else had.

good luck everybody!
greta

[RebeccaT]

Originally posted by greta
...i but i also agree that, as parents, we need to pick our battles. i'll be interested to see which battles i let slide.

Me too! DH just started chuckling the other day while we were talking. I was sitting there saying "you need to pick your battles," and "There are things that are more important than how your child dresses." I was being all pragmatic... DH just finally looked at me and says "You realize you are going to be a MUCH tougher parent than I am!" I just stared at him, and then started laughing. He's right! :)

[MrsReber]

Greta, if a mom can chime in here, you are certainly welcome!

It is great to see how rational everyone is! Yes, you must pick your battles. What's important to me might not be so important to someone else. As far as the tv issue, I have been forced to take a good look at my own habits- and it doesn't stop with tv! It's as simple as not snacking on potato chips while making dinner. The kids see me do it, so they want to do it, too. It's not easy being a role model!

I laughed about the word a day starting at age 2! My 2 1/2 year old still can't pronounce many things correctly! Just try to throw a definition in there on top of that!

I never wanted my kids to watch tv, and that does present a challenge for parents. It's rough for me, after working all day, to get settled in, make dinner, get the kids in the tub and, quite frankly, I have popped in Dora the Explorer just to have some quiet. I didn't plan on doing that, it just happens because, well, it works. I can't play or read to them while I cook dinner. I do try to get my daughter involved and explain cooking to her. However, they have very short attention spans. It's all a matter of figuring out what works best for your situation. To be honest, we're still trying to figure it out. As was said, there is no "best way" and it is a work in progress.

As for grandparents- my dad lives in AZ, but I do my best to send him updates from every doctors visit. We send lots of pictures and I have the kids make him cards. Casey has seen him twice and Brenden has only seen him once. While I'm hoping that changes, you can only try your best. And don't worry about making in-laws angry - your child will come first always. I used to worry about my infamous MIL who has offended me too many times. Then on day I stopped caring at all if I hurt her feelings with my actions. Life has been much better since that day.

Meg, good luck! I have my fingers crossed for you! I pray it works!

[jphilg]

THis has been really interesting to read....

On the babyinabathtub bit: I was discussing the water birth thing with a friend of mine, with her husband overhearing. I had seen one on TV, and thought it was, well, ridiculously icky. I described how the water clouded with all sorts of stuff, and how it was not for me. At some point, the husband walked into the room and said: "If you cain't see da bottom, get outta the tub." Words to live by, my friends.

I would like to try for a natural birth. I might go to a birthing center run by midwives if I can find one that I think practices sufficient risk management, or I might jsut go to the hospital, but put in the time to find a doctor that will respect my wishes to not be tethered to an IV ar a montitor unless necessary.

As far as parenting issues go, we have discussed lots of issues. I think we are both on board for a low-TV, low-Video game, united front, but I know that DH has really strong anti-private school feelings. We both went to public school, but both of our schools were in mid-sized suburbs where education was really supported with a school-friendly tax base. That is not the case in every school district, and I worry that DH will object on principle to sending our kids to a private school if we find ourselves somewhere with so-so public schools.

The other issue I forsee is the level of freedom to give our hypothetical teens. He was raised in a very strict household, where moral judgements were attached to all sorts of behaviors. My parents gave us a lot more latitude to make mistakes. I think there is some potential for conflict over things like whether or not to let kids go to parties where there will be drinking. But that is a long way off....

[MrsReber]

One more thing on natural birth- I have mitral valve prolapse so I was required to be on IV antibiotics to protect my own health in the event any bacteria got into my blood stream. Since I'd have to be hooked up anyway, I didn't see any point in not having an epidural. I was also afraid of not knowing how painful it could become (back labor, what fun for me!!!) Also, my stepmother insisted she'd go natural. After 18 hours of labor, she was ready for drugs :D !! She told me "that's what they make those drugs for. Use them!" Everyone's experience is different and everyone's personal choices are different. My point is that it's important to keep an open mind. You never know when your natural birth will turn into an emergency c-section. Nobody should ever be disappointed by that- but it is important to be mentally prepared.

[TerriS]

I think about the teen thing all the time too, but fortunately that is way far away!!!

Jen (jphilg) if you stay in Falls Church, you should be fine for schools...I pay attention to schools for a living so holler if you have any questions! I also used to work with a woman who spent most of her career teaching in Falls Church and she had nothing but good things to say. I don't know that I'd feel comfortable sending my kids to school in DC, but any of the northern VA or MD districts are okay in my book. :)

This thread has got me thinking...I've just spent a little while researching hospitals, doulas, obgyns, birthing centers, and much more! So much to think about!!!

[EmilyK]

What do you guys think about the use of sugar substitutes (ie, Splenda, Aspartame, etc.) while pregnant? I have had blood sugar problems all my life and finally straightened them out by eating healthy and avoiding sugar... but... this also means I use some sugar substitutes. Now, I don't drink diet pop much, so that's not the issue. But, I do use it while cooking and baking.

Any thoughts? My doctor didn't tell me anything I can or can't eat, so I don't know what her opinion is on this.

Emily

[Molli526]

Pregnant lurker here.

I was told by my Dr. the Splenda is fine, so I use that for a sugar substitute. I even carry around packets in my purse so if I need it somewhere out - :eek: I know, total old lady. I avoid Apartame/ Nutrasweet at all costs. My Dr. says moderate use is OK, but I would rather not. I do have Diet Rite for those times I do want a pop, and it is caffiene free and made with Splenda.

[Meg O'C]

Ditto what Molli said. I avoid aspartame (and have for years, way before TTC) but splenda is okay - it is actually derived from sugar as opposed to being completely a chemical creation.

As far as other stuff:
-I try not to eat fish too often (just once a week or so) since the mercury is to be avoided.
-I usually avoid alcohol all together during the two-week window of uncertainty each cycle (although given the fact that I usually am not pregnant during that time, I will have a glass of wine even during the two-week window if we are out at a party). And honestly, one drink isn't going to cause problems with a fetus, nor is it responsible for keeping me from getting pregnant since I have tried months of total avoidance.

One thing to think about, not so much while TTC but while pregnant (especially third trimester) and while breast feeding is staying away from peanuts. One of my nephews has a peanut allergy and the allergist advised this. Another friend has a DH who is allergic to peanuts and her doctor advised her to stay away from peanuts throughout her pregnancy.

[EmilyK]

Molli, first of all congrats on the mommy-to-be status!! :D

I'm relieved to hear that Splenda is okay... as it is, I try to avoid the other substitutes. Do you happen to know if flax (whole and oil) are okay? What about soy?

Believe it or not, but I had a big list of questions to ask and totally forgot about it when I went to the doctor. :o

[Meg O'C]

Emily,
When we were getting ready to start TTC my doctor didn't go into much detail about what to avoid, she just stressed the importance of taking some form of multi-vitamin, eating a balanced diet, and exercising regularly - basically the same stuff they tell anyone, TTC or not! I really don't know about flaxseed oil (don't use it) and soy but I can't imagine normal use would be an issue.

There are all kinds of things you can find on the Internet about things to try to help you get pregnant - Robitussin a couple days prior to ovulation to thin your cervical mucus, grapefruit juice to ??? I don't even remember what???. I've tried them both and it obviously hasn't had much impact!

Also, to respond to your post about your MIL and driving to visit you when you have a new baby. I didn't respond sooner because the topic of driving in-laws around gets me so fired up, I won't go into detail. I can understand your MIL not wanting to make that drive by herself but I certainly think it's appropriate to expect that siblings living near her would make an effort to get her to your house to visit a new baby! Just my two cents.

[EmilyK]

Meg,

Thanks for the information... any info helps me out a lot! When I told my doctor that I don't know much of anything, she told me to stay away from the internet for information. This is probably due to the abundance of good AND bad info, but you'd think she could have pointed me SOMEWHERE!

I didn't mention in my last post, but I had cholesterol at nearly 250 last year at this time and have kept it below 200 with diet, exercise, and the flax/soy in my diet. I confess, I bought a few magazines to help me with info (I went through the u-scan to avoid any looks of "Hmmm... is she pregnant?" :o ). One of them had meal recommendations and for cereal, they said to use milk or soy milk (I'm also lactose intolerant).

I don't know how my in-laws are going to be when we have kids, since we're the only ones that live this far away. The others that would be furthest away are an hour from everybody. She (my SIL) told me that everybody complains when they have to drive the hour to her house, so they probably won't come to ours at all. Only his mom has seen our new house (2 years in May) and that was the 1st summer we had it... and every time we've seen her since, she complains about how far a drive it is (yes, we know this... we just drove it to see you). My other SIL had the nerve to tell us at Christmas that if we lived closer, people might come and see us more often. I promptly told her that in order for the 2 of us to have jobs, we need to live in the city. <sigh> I'm just glad DH sees this happening.

Emily

[JenZen]

Wow, this thread is flying today!

As for the TV/video discussion, DH and I both would like to promote more outdoor and intellectual activities instead of bombarding our kids with electronic gadgets and toys on top of toys. We both think it's easy to get carried away on the toy front, so we're going to aim for toys that nurture creativity, etc. (although i realize this will be hard to do considering gifts from relatives, etc.)

My younger brother and sister spend a lot of their time playing Nintendo/watching TV, which is the opposite of what my other brother and I did as youngsters. We spent the entire day outside during the summer, making up games, building forts, playing in the woods, etc. DH and I hope to give our kids a good appreciation of the outdoors, and we want them to use their imaginations. We really don't want to get caught up in spoiling them with a lot of stuff, as we've seen happen to our nieces and nephews.

I just bought "Taking Charge of Your Fertility," and boy, it is wonderful to finally understand some of this stuff. My mother barely ever talks to me about "girl things," so all my life, I've had to read about it. Can't believe how ignorant I was of my own body.

Ta, ta for now. It's time to head home and relax after a stressful day.

Jen

[aprilbride]

Wow...can't believe all the posts I couldn't keep up with since I spent the day traveling rather than being in the office! I didn't get the chance to read everything thoroughly, but know that religion and different birthing methods came up......as for religion, DH and I were brought up very differently and we have very different views on a lot of things. But, we have formed somewhat of an "united front" and try to find compromises were possible without compromising individual beliefs...I hope that we'll be able to teach our future off-spring that there are many different ways to look at things...I'm definetely more of the bohemian and free spirit in our family:-)

We have NO family anywhere closeby! DH's family is in Toronto and England, mine in Germany. We'll have a little traveler on our hands, which is probably easier said than done.

In regards to birthing methods, I definetely need to educate myself more, allthough in the end, I'm sure I'll be the one screeming for drugs the loudest! I have an appointment on Thursday to get a physical, don't remember the last time I had one.

Meg, thank you so much for sharing your experience! My fingers are crossed for you...sending you loads of positive thoughts!

Okay, that's it for now.....I'll check in later..should be able to keep up better tomorrow as I'll be back in the office!

[EmilyK]

So I went to the library and checked out some books, because I figure it would be better to see if I liked them before shelling out the money on them.

I picked up 2 and requested 2 more. The first one I'm reading seems to be really good... I found the link for the book on Amazon.com:

Nutrition for a Healthy Pregnancy, Revised Edition: The Complete Guide to Eating Before, During, and After Your Pregnancy (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0805069984/ref=pd_ecc_rvi_f/102-0821080-0022556)

So far, it follows a lot of what I'm already doing with my diet (whole grains, fruits & veggies, lean protein, low-fat dairy, low sugar) and it explains WHY you should eat certain foods or avoid others. It also goes into the vitamins and minerals you should get and how much. It's answered a lot of questions I had about herbs, etc. as well. So far, I'm impressed. Has anybody else seen this one?

On another note, how do you all feel about nutrition? My best friend has 2 little ones and when I mentioned eating healthy to her, she told me it wasn't important... she never eats vegetables and her kids are fine. I don't think she takes a multi-vitamin, either.

Thoughts??

Emily

[MrsReber]

On another note, how do you all feel about nutrition? My best friend has 2 little ones and when I mentioned eating healthy to her, she told me it wasn't important... she never eats vegetables and her kids are fine. I don't think she takes a multi-vitamin, either.

Thoughts??

Emily [/B]

Yikes!! That's what I think! :D Sorry, but nutrition is important. She may be fine now, but they're finding out that there are some long term effects to consider. Pregnancy uses up many things that your baby needs - it can rob you of calcium and iron if you aren't getting enough. While you may not notice it now, lack of calcium can contribute to osteoperosis much later on. My kids are poor eaters so I make sure they get a multi-vitamin each day. I prepare well balanced meals and offer healthy snacks (cheese, whole grain breads for sandwiches), but they refuse veggies and many fruits. Yes, continue to eat well and take a supplement!

[Molli526]

Another thing about not eating fruits and veggies - you will gain a ton of weight! I am at the point where I am hungry every 3 hours. If I didn't fill up on fruits and veggies, I would have gained probably 20 pounds at this point. I also think eating a balanced diet gives you more energy - especially needed when you don't have as much energy as before.

[TerriS]

I'm not one to criticize anyone's nutrition choices, but I make a very conscious effort to eat as healthy as I can (healthy for me being a small amount of processed white carbs, as many fruits and veggies as I can stuff down, lean proteins, lots of fiber, enough calcium, drinking lots of water, and following WW guidelines as well as taking a vitamin) and I will continue to do so when I am PG (in addition to cutting out the no-no's like unpasteurized cheese and all that). There are so many things about fruits and veggies that are good for you that I certainly can't ignore them. (this is why I hang out at a COOKING LIGHT board. ;) )

thanks for the recommendation on the book, by the way, that looks like it would be worth checking out.

just found out one of my good friends is PG with her second. I'm so excited for her! And DH pointed out the "Fit Pregnancy" magazine in the checkout line at Fresh Fields the other day. It's amazing to me to hear him say stuff like that out loud. :p

[EmilyK]

Originally posted by TerriS
just found out one of my good friends is PG with her second. I'm so excited for her! And DH pointed out the "Fit Pregnancy" magazine in the checkout line at Fresh Fields the other day. It's amazing to me to hear him say stuff like that out loud. :p

:o I bought the Fit Pregnancy magazine as well as the Pregnancy Magazine when I was at Meijer... The FP mag actually has a lot of really good (not that I've been there, but seems to be) advice about exercise and diet.

Is it possible to post TOO often?? :D

[aprilbride]

Hello everyone...
just got back to the office from my doctor's appointment...I went in to get a physical because I have not had one in forever and to get some blood work done, mainly cholesterol, thyroid and an allergy test, I've been dealing with allergies all my life so the doctor thought it might be a good idea to recheck. All in all, she said this would be a great year for me to try to get pregnant:-) I should have the results of everything tomorrow, so we'll see.....

Other than that, not much is going on. DH is traveling, so I might check out some of the recommended books from the library..

[EmilyK]

aprilbride:

Here are the other's I would like to take a look at (I don't know if this will help, but I looked for highly reviewed books on Amazon):

Maternal Fitness: Preparing for the Marathon of Labor (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0684802953/102-0821080-0022556?v=glance&me=ATVPDKIKX0DER&st=books)

This next one I just saw at the library, I didn't really look at it on Amazon until now:

Planning for Pregnancy, Birth, and Beyond (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0451191757/qid=1074799901/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/102-0821080-0022556?v=glance&s=books)

I requested these two from the library:

Before Your Pregnancy: A 90 Day Guide for Couples on How to Prepare for a Healthy Conception (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/034544096X/qid=1074800080/sr=2-1/ref=sr_2_1/102-0821080-0022556)

A Natural Guide to Pregnancy and Postpartum Health (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1583331387/qid=1074800189/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/102-0821080-0022556?v=glance&s=books)

If you happen to look at any of these, let me know what you think...

By the way, did your doctor test your iron levels? The book I'm reading now says that most women are iron deficient. I wasn't sure if I should go back to my doctor and ask her to test or just take the prenatal and not worry about it.

[Molli526]

I think by not menstruating (?sp) and the iron in your prenatals, it works itself out to the necessary levels. I wouldn't worry about it.

[buffygirl]

Time for me to chime in as well. I knew that my post would be long and just haven't had time to type it all out til now.:)

Like Meg, Dh and I are struggling with infertility. I'm 37 and he is 35. My doctor suspected endometriosis and I had lap surgery in 2001. Not only did he find endo, but also a gigantic cyst on my right tube and a septum in my uterus. He corrected these problems.

We started planning to "try" last September (2002) and boom by Thanksgiving I was pregnant. We were shocked and elated. Unfortunately, I had an ectopic and had to have surgery in early December. The ectopic was in my left tube which they were able to save, but this means that I have now had surgery on both tubes. Not good for trying to get pregnant.

We've been trying now again for a year and nothing is happening. We chart, use the Clear Plan Easy fertility monitor and I'm just not getting pregnant. I suspect that it is possible I am miscarrying early. Like Meg, I know what early pregnancy feels like and there have been 2 times that I was just sure I was pregnant, period was late, then started a week late.

Any who, I have my next appt on Friday. Doc really wants me to try drug therapy and I just don't know if I'm up for it. I think it is fine for others, but I'm not sure for me. I am afraid of causing multiples because I'm not sure my body could carry them (uterus surgery and hip surgery, not a great combo). And I'm not sure I could handle the emotional stuff quite frankly.

We are considering thinking about adoption. It is all so confusing. It is just so hard being disappointed every month. Like Meg, everyone and their dog is pregnant or has recently had a baby.

Thanks for listening.

BK

[Meg O'C]

(((buffygirl))), my hugs and prayers to you!

I am so glad you are joining in the discussion! I read your post yesterday and have been thinking about you since then trying to come up with something really great to write that would make you feel better, but of course, I know there are no "magic words" :( . I am so sorry for your loss and all your struggles.

While the details of our situations sound different, I know how alone infertility can make you feel, and I've found that being surrounded by other pregnant women can sometimes make you feel even more isolated. Know that you are not alone! Just since I've posted on this thread, I've felt so good receiving support from other posters wishing me well. Sometimes it feels better just to be able to get it all out in a post and then get a virtual hug from an on-line friend, than to have some well meaning friend or relative telling you how she wishes she could do something to help you (while her two toddlers are shreiking in the background, or she nurses her newborn, or her ever-growing belly is right before your eyes). Please, pregnant women and moms, don't take offense to that last statement! We infertile women love you, we just want to be in your shoes so badly!!

Anyway, I am going to PM you. You have already been through so much and it sounds like you have some tough choices to make re: your next treatment steps. There are no right or wrong decisions - just what's best for you and your DH personally. It can be so tough weighing the different options based on their success rates, potential side effects, and sometimes astronomical costs.

I've latched on to many great quotes through the ups and downs of this process, but the one below is by far my favorite. I am someone who likes answers and not having an answer to why I am experiencing infertility and the pregnancy loss has been a very challenging thing for me to understand, but this quote has helped me to be a little more accepting of my sitation (BTW, I think it's appropriate for many situations, not just infertility):

I want to beseech you . . . to be patient
toward all that is unsolved in your heart
and to try to love the questions themselves
like locked rooms and like books
that are written in a very foreign tongue.

Do not now seek the answers,
which cannot be given you
because you would not be able to live them.
And the point is, to live everything.
Live the questions now.

Perhaps you will then gradually,
without noticing it, evolve some distant day
into the answer.

-Rainer Maria Rilke (from Letter to a Young Poet)

[Meg O'C]

buffygirl,
I also meant to add, back in the fall (our 5th month on clomid and second insemination attempt), I was convinced I was pregnant again. The symptoms were unlike anything I had experienced my other months on clomid, except the month I had been pregnant. I even went so far as to tell my sister and a close girlfriend, "I know I am pregnant again this month!" I felt so angry, sad and foolish when my period arrived. My progesterone on day 20 (which they monitor when you are on the drugs) had been very high that month too (higher than other months on clomid). Anyway my doc said it is not uncommon for all women, not just those with infertility issues, to have fertilized eggs that just don't implant some months. Still, it was a devastating crash when my period arrived.

Has your doctor offered an explanation as to what he thinks may have caused you to have this experience more than once? If not, I would press him. It should be taken into account when talking about future options for you.

Take care,
Meg

[ellamay]

Hi everyone,

I had posted on the other thread but wanted to post here also.

I had a pre-conception appointment in November - my doctor wrote me the script for prenatal vitamins, talked about some health issues, etc. He recommended using an OPK because I have irregular cycles (although I do ovulate out of both ovaries, and they know that for sure because I had extensive ultrasounds done for a problem two years ago). He also recommended that I start trying as soon as I get off the pill, and not wait, as he feels I'm more likely to have normal cycles in the first three months off the pill. My doc really talked up the OPK - said his wife has very irregular cycles and they tried for a year to conceive before she got an OPK, after which they conceived within 3 months.

Is anyone using an OPK? If so, what brand are you using, where did you get it, and what did you pay for it (if you don't mind my asking)? We aren't starting to TTC until this summer but I am already doing some research.

[Meg O'C]

Hi ellamay,

I used the Clear Plan OPK, recommended by my doc as the most accurate. I think I paid about $30/month (I honestly haven't used one in a while and I can't remember if that price was for the OPK or pregnancy tests) and I believe that was for five or seven test sticks. Some kits have less sticks. You can get other brands, with less sticks more cheaply. Also, once I zeroed in on my specific ovulation time, I could stretch the seven test sticks across two cycles.

I ultimately wound up purchasing the Clear Plan Fertility Monitor at drugstore.com for I think slightly less than $200. That included 20-30 test sticks and you can buy refills of 30 sticks for $50/box, so if you use it over many months (which I did!), it does sort of pay for itself. The monitor tracks your estrogen surge as well as your LH surge so you test for a longer period of time and use more sticks each cycle. Although, again, once I had zeroed in on my own cycle and tracking it with the monitor, I did start testing later than recommeded. Also, I tend to ovulate around day 11 so I used less sticks because of that.

So, all in all, depending upon how many months it takes, it can get quite expensive! I also charted initially while using the monitor and it was good to see that my charts were fairly in sync with the monitor.

I was using the monitor and clomid (and charting but not insemination) the month we conceived so I think the OPK/monitor is helpful in zeroing in on the "best day."

Hope that helps. Good luck!

[Jessica]

ellamay--that is really interesting that your doctor said that about your cycles. I went off the Pill last spring and was thrilled to see that my cycles fell into the 28 to 32-day range. After our trip to Rome in October, I had a cycle that was 42 days and figured it was because of the travel, but the next one was 42 days and this one will be as well. I wonder if that means I will just have long cycles--not a bad thing but it gives me fewer shots at getting pregnant.

Beautiful quote, Meg O'C. And welcome, buffygirl.

[gertdog]

Ellamay, I just bought an OPK last week (Clear Plan) but haven't used it yet. I don't remember what I paid but will see if I can find the receipt. My first three cycles after stopping the pill were 28 days. The last three have been 35 days, 41 days, and... 40 and still counting. We are not yet actively trying and I was already aware that I may not be ovulating regularly- but it hasn't been confirmed, except by temperature charting which indicates so far that I don't have a "shift" that would signify ovulation. I'm planning to use the OPK in my next cycle to see if it can help me get a handle on things.

[Jen]

Just lurking on this thread (DH and I are expecting in June).

For those of you with really long/irregular cycles, I can't recommend enough "Taking Charge of Your Fertility", and doing a basic chart, at least for a few months. I was in the same boat, and although I consider myself very knowledgeable about my body, reading that book taught me things I didn't know. For example, I'm embarrassed to admit this, but I thought even with my long cycles I would ovulate at day 14...I never realized that you actually ovulate ~14 days BEFORE your next period. Duh!! :rolleyes:

Charting helped me figure out whether I was ovulating or not (most of the time, I was), and therefore helped me avoid a lot of months of getting my hopes up when there wasn't really a chance of conception. My cycles ranged from ~32 days (my "normal" cycles before going on the pill) to around 60 days!! Those 60 day cycles would have been torture if I hadn't known for sure if and when I had ovulated. Not to mention that I would have spent a fortune on home pregnancy tests!!

I was surprised by how easy charting was...I bought a cheap digital thermometer (not a basal body temp one) and set my alarm for the same time each morning. I just had to pop it in, wait 10 seconds for a temp, and turn it off before going back to sleep if I wasn't ready to get up yet. I took 30 seconds before going to bed to check the temp and chart it, along with any other symptoms I'd noticed that day. After a couple of months it became quite obvious when things were happening. The other bonus was that when I did actually get pregnant, I was 99% sure even before my period was due - I got a very tiny amount of implantation spotting (wouldn't even have noticed it if I wasn't looking) followed by a small bump up in my temps (the tricyclic pattern is quite common in women who've conceived). I also had a couple of cycles where I'm fairly sure I didn't conceive, but implantation didn't occur...my charts backed those up too, so at least I knew conception was possible. It was really easy to do, and gave me a real feeling of empowerment by learning more about my body and understanding its signals.

Prayers and happy baby thoughts for all of you hoping to get pregnant soon!

[TerriS]

Just a quick note on OPKs - they can be expensive - but some of my friends have found them for much better prices on Ebay. Just a suggestion.

[Jessica]

Could someone please explain what an OPK is? Does it differ from a chart that you do yourself with temperature and observation?

[gertdog]

Here's my understanding. OPKs differ from temperature charting in that your temperature surge occurs *after* ovulation occurs, while the LH surge that OPKs detect occurs *before* ovulation. So temp. charting generally lets you know your most fertile days in retrospect, while the OPK can catch them earlier.

The kit itself is a pee-on-a-stick thing, and it comes with 5 test sticks. This means that you still have to have some sense of your cycle length, in order to know when to begin testing.

Here is the package information from my kit: Predicts the 2 days when you are most likely to become pregnant.

First Response® 1-Step Ovulation Predictor Test is an easy way to help you find the 2 days when you are most able to become pregnant. It quickly and accurately detects the increase in luteinizing hormone in your urine (LH surge), which normally occurs 24-36 hours before ovulation. Your two most fertile days begin with the LH surge. You are most likely to become pregnant if you have intercourse within 24-36 hours after you detect your surge.

And here is a link (http://www.babycenter.com/refcap/484.html#3) to a pretty concise overview of how they work (and how they might fail).

[Jessica]

Thanks!

[JenZen]

I have to agree with Jen. It has been so liberating to read "Taking Charge of Your Fertility," because for once, I understand a lot of things that go in with my body.

Also, from my temps, I know that I ovulated this week, which is pretty cool to know. :) The book emphasizes recognizing the other symptoms of your fertile period, such as cervical fluid and position, so that way, it is possible to know when you're most fertile before seeing a jump in your temperatures.

Jen

[Meg O'C]

Originally posted by JenZen
I have to agree with Jen. It has been so liberating to read "Taking Charge of Your Fertility," because for once, I understand a lot of things that go in with my body.

Also, from my temps, I know that I ovulated this week, which is pretty cool to know. :) The book emphasizes recognizing the other symptoms of your fertile period, such as cervical fluid and position, so that way, it is possible to know when you're most fertile before seeing a jump in your temperatures.

Jen

I agree. I am another big fan of this book. I first learned of it here on the BB too! I learned more from this book than from an entire semester of a Women's Health class in college. I began charting after reading TCOYF and that is what lead me to seek out a doctor after only six months of TTC with no success rather than waiting the full year that is the standard recommendation. Of course, the doctor I saw said she really didn't "buy in to luteal phase defect" when I went to her with my charts and she told me to "come back and see me in six months if you aren't pregnant." So, I moved on to a different doctor, who did in fact agree, after seeing my test results, that my hormone levels were not what they should be in the second half of my cycle.

Bottom line - very good book, whether you are TTC or not!

[aprilbride]

Buying this book will definetely be the next step for me! I got the results from my blood work yesterday and everything looks fantastic. I was actually pleasantly surprised because I didn't know what to expect, especially since I have not had a physical in forever. Soo...on that front things are looking good.

[Jessica]

Yet another fan of TCOYF. I considered myself pretty well-informed and I learned a ton from this book. I wish I'd had it years ago.

[gertdog]

I'm sold. TCOYF is on its way to my house from amazon.com now. :)

[jphilg]

I know it felt like everyone was getting married when I was getting married. But this goes beyond a general "feeling" that everyone is having a baby. I literally think that the majority of people whom I know are currently pregnant! Beginning with New Year's Eve, every single night that DH and I have gone out wit a group of friends, one of the couples announces their pregnancy. Every night! And then, as I was explaining this phenomenon to my hair stylist, she tells me that SHE is pregnant.

Oy. I am overwhelmed. But happily so.

[aprilbride]

Hey, you'll be in good "mommy to be" and "mommy" company...Can't say the same for myself, because no one else close to me (geographically) is trying to get pregnant!! One of my best friends is, but she lives in Washington and I soooooo wish we were closer to each other!

[Lrimerman]

Originally posted by gertdog
I'm sold. TCOYF is on its way to my house from amazon.com now. :)

Ditto

Lisa

[RebeccaT]

Originally posted by jphilg
I literally think that the majority of people whom I know are currently pregnant!

I know what you mean. Many of my closest friends (actually, all but two) are pregnant or already have babies, and they want me to hurry up and get on with it so that our kiddos can be friends! :o :rolleyes:

Actually, it's a good thing... I have learned SO MUCH from watching them and talking to them during their pregnancies and their first year of motherhood. I feel so much more well informed than I did just a couple of years ago!

[gertdog]

There's a baby boom among my friends too, though I am about a year behind them. This is the first year that the vast majority of the holiday cards I received were photo cards with adorable new babies on them!

I got an e-mail from Amazon saying that my TCOYF book has been backordered. Okay, who bought up all the copies??? Jen, I'll blame your friends... :D

[EmilyK]

None of our friends are pregnant, planning on becoming pregnant, or already parents! We will be the first ones... it should be interesting. I'm a little worried that things will fizzle as far as going out and doing couple stuff.

Anybody else plan on having adult outings once and a while just to be you for an evening?

[Beth H]

Anybody else plan on having adult outings once and a while just to be you for an evening?

I definitely will!

However, since I am about the last person among my friends to have a child, I have found a wide range of experiences in terms of maintaining friendships. Several of my good college friends stay in touch about the same as they did before having kids. It is harder to plan get-togethers, but they call/e-mail, etc. One of my good friends is not in touch as much anymore - I don't know if it's because I don't have children and she doesn't feel like we have much in common, or just because she's busy, or a combination. Here in Columbia, some of our friends with kids are great about getting out and doing stuff (with or without their children), others are not. I think it's important to remember (and I don't mean this to offend anyone) that there is a world outside of your kids - which can include your friends without them.

[Jessica]

We have many friends with one, two, three and even four children. Then again, we are already in our early 30s. Most of our married friends either already have children or have decided not to have them (one couple is dealing with infertility).

We certainly plan to hire sitters for occasional outings and also to plan individual outings so we can retain some of our own identities. The friends we've observed seem to regain sanity more quickly when they allow for time away from the house and kids, once the early months are past.

[aprilbride]

Outings will definetely be a "Must" for us as well! Getting out together as a couple and doing things on our own while the other watches the little one is going to be really important for us...I do hope we'll be able to find a good reliable babysitter since none of our families live close.

[RebeccaT]

I have a "mentor mom," (she doesn't know it, but I so admire the way she is raising her boys and I fully intend to stalk her once we have kids :p ) and she and her husband have a weekly date. Sometimes it's with another couple, sometimes it's just the two of them. Sometimes its just a movie, sometimes it's a night on the town. I really love that they do that. Granted, they have the resources to hire a babysitter weekly - it's just a part of their budget. But she and her DH make sure to get out and be adults together very regularly.

I do feel like I have to be careful here saying "I will or won't do xyz" when we have kids. I have one or two girlfriends who sort of roll their eyes when we invite them out, saying "Just wait until you have kids, you'll understand." They're right, I don't understand now. And my ideas about what I will do may change once I am actually in the situation. But I also see how parenthood seems like a burden to them, like their cross to bear during these years, and I don't want to be like that! :(

[gertdog]

I believe that I will be a better parent if I continue to nurture my own interests and friendships. I know myself well enough to know that I need regular "re-charge" time- a quiet dinner out with DH, or a lazy afternoon in the sun. When I don't get that kind of time, I tend to be cranky and just sort of drained, unenergetic.

So "date nights" and the like are definitely part of my plan. I agree with Rebecca that I won't know for sure until I'm a parent myself, though!

[Meg O'C]

Originally posted by RebeccaT
But I also see how parenthood seems like a burden to them, like their cross to bear during these years, and I don't want to be like that! :(

We know some couples who fall into this camp and others who are very good about recognizing that what keeps them happy and healthy as individuals, partners, and parents, is some time away from their children (whether it's dinner out or just going shopping by yourself). For those who fall into the "acting like it's a burden" category, I often think how sad that is and I hope that when they look back on this time, they have happy memories and not just memories of feeling stressed out, and without any time for themselves. This is a choice you can make and have some control over.

[MrsReber]

Very wise to reserve judgment! I read this thread and am so happy to see that everyone here is open minded and positive about having children. You all seem like you really think about the issues, it's not just a matter of having a baby that's your own. You're in it for life and fully committed to that.

I have to chime in on the alone time, though. I know many couple who do this and who really enjoy it. DH and I don't have much time away from the kids- well, I don't- he still goes hunting and fishing. I don't get to see them much during the week so I cherish each moment with them. Yes, there are days where it seems like I don't have a second to myself, but then I remind myself that these years won't last forever. Every aspect of children- from the moment you decide to have them - is based on personal values, beliefs and lifestyle. There are some days where it just feels good to go food shopping by myself and then there are days that I see a child while I'm shopping and I have to rush home to hug mine. Good luck to all of you!

I originally stopped by because I saw that Meg posted and I was hoping for some good news from her!

[Jessica]

I just wanted to say that I appreciate you participating in this thread, Mrs Reber. You have such a common-sense attitude and I like having input from someone who is on the other side of the mommy line. Thanks!!!

[TerriS]

Another one with tons of pregnant friends here. And many more with young'uns. I agree it's good to be around them because I can get a sense of how their lives are now, and feel more like what it will be like for me.

DH and I have decided there seem to be two types of parents among our friends: high-maintenance and low-maintenance. The high-maintenance ones are the ones for whom parenting seems to be a burden, everything is drama, everything is a crisis, everything little Joey does makes something difficult or they are always rearranging or cancelling plans because of little Joey. Needless to say, we don't want to be like those folks. Love 'em, they're our friends, but not our role models. Other friends are low-maint. Very cool and mellow about parenting, rolling with the punches, seem much happier about being parents, and their kids seem happier too. They will let you know if they have scheduling limits or issues around little Susie's naptime but it's not all drama. They're more fun to be around. We aspire to be them. :D

[MrsReber]

Jessica, thanks! I was hoping I wasn't sounding like a know it all! And I will certainly be the first to admit that I don't know it all- I only know what works for us. Of course, once you figure it out, it all changes anyway! I find myself doing things that I swore I'd never do once I had kids. I just shake my head at myself and laugh. One important thing is to always say "I love you". I always tell the kids that I love them and now they say it me spontaneously. It's the best reward ever. I'll continue to lurk here and I'll send good thoughts for all of you!

[ellamay]

For those who fall into the "acting like it's a burden" category, I often think how sad that is and I hope that when they look back on this time, they have happy memories and not just memories of feeling stressed out, and without any time for themselves. This is a choice you can make and have some control over.

A great sentiment and very well put, Meg.

I think a healthy, happy family is one that has all kinds of time together and apart - time for the whole family to be together, times for kids to be with mom alone, time to be with dad alone, time for the parents to be alone without the kids, time for siblings to be together, and even, when they're older, time for kids to be alone with just themselves.

The thing I always remember is something my mom told me once: kids are fun and you do want to be with them all the time when you have them. But someday your kids will become independent and move away, and then it will be just you and your husband left in the house together. And what will happen if all you've ever done for the last 20 years is spend time with the kids and talk about the kids? Make sure you will still have a marriage left when the kids are gone. Good advice, I think, particularly coming from my mom, who has been married to my dad for almost 35 years now.

[Beth H]

I think a healthy, happy family is one that has all kinds of time together and apart - time for the whole family to be together, times for kids to be with mom alone, time to be with dad alone, time for the parents to be alone without the kids, time for siblings to be together, and even, when they're older, time for kids to be alone with just themselves.

Well said. Again, I hope I don't offend anyone with this, but even now (without kids) I think it's positive for DH and me to have our own "alone" time. Once or twice a year, I spend weekends with girlfriends, and he goes on golf weekends with the guys. I meet friends for drinks sometimes, and he hangs out with his friends. It's been healthy for our marriage to have a bit of space - I hope this can continue when we have kids.

[aprilbride]

BethH, I could have written what you wrote! That's my DH and I exactly. We started out dating long distance for a long time and I think that set the tone for our relationship, we both enjoy spending "alone" time and get a lot of it since DH travels alot for work. When we were dating it helped being independent and happy even if we were apart, now we're just thankful to be able to share a home. I think as long as couples feel they have a good balance of alone and together time everyone is happy, but I also know its a very individual "thing"..

[JenZen]

Wow, these have been some good posts. I've been copying bits and pieces of the above conversation all afternoon so I can email them to DH.

We have this conversation often because one of our friends is super-paranoid and won't go anywhere now that he has a baby. I can't tell you how many times we've asked him to do stuff and gotten the reply, "Ask me again in 18 years." :)

[Meg O'C]

Originally posted by MrsReber

I originally stopped by because I saw that Meg posted and I was hoping for some good news from her!

Thanks for checking on me! I am on pins and needles! I can't take a test until tomorrow because of the shot I got last Friday (needs a week to get through my system). At this point, I really don't know what to think - for every minute I am convinced I am pregnant, there are five minutes I am convinced I am not and my period is arriving. I guess shooting your body full of hormones can lead to some mixed signals! Oh well. Of course I am desperately hoping for a positive result tomorrow but also trying to stay realistic. I will be okay either way - I've really tried to prepare myself. We have a plan and know what our next steps are if we're not pregnant so that feels good. It's the waiting that's killing me. I had a dream last night that one of my SIL called to tell us she was pregnant with her third! I grilled DH this morning to make sure he wasn't keeping a secret from me.

[MrsReber]

Meg, good luck with the test! I'm sure all those hormomes running through your body can do more than just give you mixed signals!

[jphilg]

Good luck, Meg! My thoughts/prayers are with you today.

[Jessica]

Good luck to you, Meg. I am sending baby dust in your general direction!

[lhall]

Hugs & Prayers for Meg & DH from me too!!!!

Leigh,
who lurks for the same reason as Susan. :D

[kristalina_22]

I've been lurking here as well, DH and I are hoping to TTC this year as well, but are unsure as to wether or not that will hapen yet. I also wanted to wish Meg good luck.

Kristi

[RebeccaT]

Oh Meg, your attitude is inspiring. Truly. You are in my thoughts today.

[aprilbride]

Meg, sending positive thoughts your way!

Claudia

[aprilbride]

Happy February everyone! Just wondering if we should start a February TTC thread or if we should continue this one...thoughts?

[Jessica]

Five pages is a long thread--go ahead and start a new one if you like.

[MinEaston]

I think we should start a new thread each month - but I don't know what the guidelines would be in terms of the first post. I wonder if it should include the list of those who "joined" in the last month?

[aprilbride]

Hmmmm.....I think we should start a new thread as well and just call it February TTC.....I'm sure everyone will just start back up were we left off and people that are new will let us know...I'll go ahead and get us started (anything to not actually start work on this cloudy and cool Monday morning:-))!!!