Should I read negative things about me?

[colleency]

There is a very popular website that posted a comment about my DH's Star Wars themed car, as well as a link to our website. A couple of hundred people posted comments about it.

When chat sites talk about DH's car, it usually devolves into an argument between people that think it's cool and people that think it's an affront. Usually one or two people say that DH must live in his parent's basement and never gets a date. Then someone links to a picture of me wearing a costume that's about the size of a bikini and the fact that he's married.

A lot of people who don't like his car are also very childish. A friend of mine told me not to read the comments because some of them are very, very rude about me. Something mild that was said is that I'm not fat, but I'm ugly. DH says that some nice things are said and some mean things are said. He never really takes offense with what people say, because he's doing what makes him happy, and he figures that people are entitled to their opinion.

My question is: do you think I should read the comments (realizing that there are just mean people in the world and that they don't actually know me) or should I steer clear, knowing that I might get upset at a group of people saying nasty things about me?

I'm curious, but I don't want to end up in tears over what they might have said about me.

[jjsooner73]

My advice would be to steer clear...but I would probably be curious myself.

Just know if you do read it, take anything said with a grain of salt. These people are strangers, and I really think that anyone who goes on any internet board to put other people down has plenty of their own issues and are just trying to make themeselves feel better about themself by putting someone else down (funny, that's the same thing someone said to me when on Christmas, my brother told me I looked like I needed to not eat and should call Jenny Craig). So, that's advice passed on to me and I believe it to be true!

[clairea]

I think this is a pretty individual issue, but personally I wouldn't read them. I know myself well enough to know that I would be upset, and since there isn't anything constructive to be gained from those kinds of comments, I don't see any reason to make myself feel bad over it. If you think you can read them just out of curiousity and not get upset/offended, then go ahead.

Claire

[Natasha]

Definitely a personal issue, but as for what I would do, here goes...

I would have a lot of difficulty controlling the urge to read them, but would probably manage because I know I would take it very personally if I were to read stuff like that. It wouldn't be worth it for me to read them.

Good luck, whatever you do...

Natasha

[tbb113]

I wouldn't read them either...but I would ask your husband to print out the REALLY complimentary ones so you can read just those :D Why get upset about things that are said by anonymous people that are basing comments on a picture?

[Gail]

If you're able to handle insults without letting them get to you, go ahead. But, if you're likely to break down in tears, don't.

I could give you a pep talk about not letting comments from total strangers get to you-- that hurtful words from people who know nothing about you should slide right off like you're water repellent. But the simple fact of the matter is that everyone reacts differently, and what works with one person may be completely ineffectual with someone else. So, do what feels right for you.

If you're apt to cry, please DON'T give in to curiosity. It's not as if you have anything to gain by reading criticisms which are hardly constructive.

PS We all got a kick out of your husband's car when we spotted it a few months ago! :D

[Gecko]

I'd be like a moth to a flame. I wouldn't want to do it but would find myself being drawn in, but I would try to resist knowing that I would keep remembering the offensive ones. If you do read them then keep reminding yourself that these are not people who know you at all. The negative comments about appearance etc are just posted out of spite - your DH has something that they would obviously like to own, so to make themselves feel better they belittle someone else. Some people are just that way.

[colleency]

Hmm. I guess I'll stay away for now. I know logically that people who do things like that are not people I would want to know anyway, but if I read it at the wrong time, it will probably make me cry. I don't normally read that website anyway. I'll let you know if the curiosity gets to me. :o Thanks for the advice. I always feel like I can count on you guys. Hey, you are the type of people I like to know!!!

[CORALEE]

but if personal experience is helpful here it is....

I once moved to a new city where dh was employed in a high profile job. I would be commented on often by people who did not know me well enough to know that I was in the same elevator as they (true story).

Although hurful, I got really mad not sad. I still think about some of the things that were said but I dont tend to dwell on these things. I can brush them right off.

That being said.... My advice is dont read them... but I know that I would if it were me. Sorry about the waffling.

[colleency]

That's okay. I'm actually still waffling, too.:rolleyes:

[luv2run]

Just so I could have an informed opinion, I went to your web site. If I were you, I wouldn't worry. By seeing your pictures, they're likely jealous. If it will bother you, don't read them. Some people have nothing better to do than cause pain to others.

Debbie :cool:

[colleency]

Well, that's sweet. Thank you!

[Robyncz]

Coleen--
You are not fat. You are not ugly. (I know this because I just checked out your site, too). If I'm understanding the issue, you are curious/concerned about the comments of a bunch of strangers who do not know you or your husband. If it were me, I'd be curious if I knew something had been specifically written about me, and I'd probably read it. But I don't think I'd take it personally. I mean, really, why do these people even care enough to spend time debating the merits of a stranger's car? Your DH has done something creative he enjoys. Who cares what anyone else thinks of it? And for them to bring you into the conversation is just plain goofy. Take it with a grain of salt. . .

By the way, you're good enough, you're smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like you!

[leebee]

Don't listen to 'em! I sell collector car insurance, & tt people w/ the oddest cars all the time, & they are the nicest, most fun people in the world (and yes, some are odd...)! Those of us who take the time to really get to know others instead of rushing to judgement are all the luckier. Just don't bother reading any of it. It's not worth it!

[sunberst]

i would look. but then i can laugh at myself and would probably find some enjoyment out of it, even the bad, horrible comments.

but if you think that it might hurt your feelings, don't do it.

an example, awhile back a member of the real world (mtv show) cast emailed me. she mentioned that when her season on the show started, tons of people were on the message boards commenting about the show. while there were nice comments about her, there were also really mean, immature hurtful comments as well. people were claiming to know her mom and were saying untrue things about her (which they did not know her mom btw) she said that she was drawn to reading those posts and would go to the boards every free chance she got. but it became unhealthy because day after day she was reading bad things about herself and it was a constant kick in the stomach. halfway into the season she decided it was best not to read the posts anymore because it was an unhealthy cycle.

[colleency]

I bit the bullet and went and read it. It really wasn't that bad. The nasty comments were of the variety that 13-year old boys make when they're around friends, and they think no one can over hear them. :rolleyes:

I think the funniest comment was someone who thinks there's something wrong with me because I bake!

Thanks for the support!

I truly don't understand people who aren't accepting that all people are different. When I was on jury duty yesterday, someone was horrified that I would admit to being in the marching band in high school. She thought it made me a geek. Are people like that so insecure as to not realize that I am proud of who I am?

[Robyncz]

Originally posted by colleency
I truly don't understand people who aren't accepting that all people are different. When I was on jury duty yesterday, someone was horrified that I would admit to being in the marching band in high school. She thought it made me a geek. Are people like that so insecure as to not realize that I am proud of who I am?

I'm hijacking your thread to say I'm horfified that an ADULT would still subscribe to the theory that there's something *wrong* with being in band. Good lord. I wonder if that person divides all of their friends and acquaintances into categories (preppies, jocks, freaks, geeks, etc.) Grow up, for goodness sake.

BTW, I was and am a band geek. I play the clarinet in a fabulous wind ensemble. I can't figure out what about that I should be ashamed of. And while I do laughingly refer to myself as a band geek, it's more to keep my non-musical friends from feeling inadequate for never learning to play an instrument ;)

Okay. Back to Colleen's thread.. .

[colleency]

I don't consider it a hijack. I don't understand an adult feeling this way either. Maybe they do just feel bad about themselves. Or maybe they don't have anything in their life, and they need to hold on to high school? Got me.

[claire797]

What is Tigger Society? Emma wants to join.

[crlykat]

I don't know what site has all the comments, but after looking at your and your DH's site, I agree that the negative posters are probably just jealous. The fact that you're a female into sc-fi (gasp!), active in lots of cool things and (sorry I even have to mention this) have a nice figure--I would just chalk those comments up to jealousy and keep doing your own thing. Some people can't take others who aren't like them; the fact that you and your DH are clearly happy and not self-concious about your "different" (to them) ways of doing things probably makes them uncomfortable.
Just my two cents.
:)

[KimKelly]

All I have to say is that my son now wants to know why I can't make Darth Maul Easter Eggs! Very cool!

Kim & Drew

[Gecko]

It never ceases to amaze me the cruel things people can say about someone they don't even know. However, having said that, people that do know you can say even nastier things. For example, a friend and I were discussing the chances of ever winning a lottery - my chances weren't good becasue I hardly ever entered - she actually told me that if she ever won that we probably wouldn't be friends anymore because she would have "moved up in the world" :eek: No, we are no longer in contact, but I did hear that she did not move on up like she hoped to.

[colleency]

That is terrible!

[Saralee]

I think your page is really neat. I'm impressed with your sewing skills! My favorite costume, I think, is the Elf. :)

I've been wanting to learn how to sew for a long time.

Sara

[sneezles]

Just wanted to say that I'm sorry that you have to deal with this crud! I also wanted to say that I have a friend who could and would laugh at this (she laughs at all kinds of things that would make most of us furious) and she is wonderful to have around (I'd send her to you for awhile but we'd miss her too much)! Sometimes I try to pretend I'm her and just laugh at stuff that bothers me; sometimes it works...sometimes it doesn't...but mostly I realize that people are idiots, all of us at one time or another in our lives do/say stupid/idiotic things...if most of us would think of others before we spoke life would be so much more pleasant!

[foodfiend]

Now that you've read the comments, I don't know if you need my advice.

If you are of the sensibility where comments bounce off you and you REALLY don't care what people think, then go ahead and read them.

If you're in the public eye, like on your website, open to the judgement of strangers with time on their hands, you will get jughead comments like the ones you've seen. A friend of mine has similar interests of your and your husband, and he's had many similar comments made to him to his face.

People with empty lives often choose petty things to fill them with. The Internet is an impersonal forum, so it's not like it's real people they're hurting (so they think). I once worked at a place where a group of people didn't like me because I'm different (i.e. not perky and bubbly) It descended into a "I hate so and so" club like those I remember from Grade 7.

[colleency]

I think I have matured a lot in the past few years and not even realized it. Things like this used to upset me, although I (still) analyze things to death. :rolleyes:

A friend had told me that the things said about me were horrible, so I thought it was going to be really bad. It really was not bad, once I went ahead and read the comments. It was mostly, "she's ugly," or "look at her big (body parts)." Very 7th grade. *shaking my head*

I can only hope that they're mostly 7th graders.

I actually feel kind of sorry for people who have such hollow lives that they get emotionally worked up in a negative way over people who have a different life. And this is just a hobby! Is this how people get treated who have a different religion, nationality, or other difference? (worse, as history has shown :( )

DH and I have been laughing about it ever since I got home from work.

And...not everything was negative either. Some people said they thought we were cool. Some people said that they would never do it. Some people wondered why the other people were attacking us. Some people even said that they know us and we're cool people!

So I'm not upset at all! Thank you all.

[foodfiend]

By the way, I saw your website and thought the New Age fireplace was very cool.

[CindyWeightWatcher]

I have an idea, why don't we wage a counter-attack
and post great things about you! BTW, I don't know
anything about the theme car or the web site.

[Kay Henderson]

Coleen---

You've learned a really useful lesson that your skin is thicker than you thought it might be. Believe me, this trait can come in mighty handy sometimes!

The world is a richer place because of people who have serious interests in such a wide variety of subjects. More power to you---

Can you provide a link for your web site? It sounds neat!

Kay

[jmarie]

You know, I don't understand (nor will I ever understand the band/geek thing. When I was young, I wanted nothing more than to be in the band (so did my two brothers) but my parents just couldn't afford an instrument for us. So we envied everyone else.

Both of my children were in the band. As a result, they got to go to Chicago, Disney, Bahamas and Washington DC. they roomed with their friends. They got into all of the football games free, had free transportation to all of the games, got to sit and socialize with their friends, got out of school to go do concerts in the area and at other schools during the holidays. And yet to this day there is the band/geek thing. Athletes are allowed to participate here as long as they are loyal in their off season.

I guess some things just aren't meant to be understood.

[colleency]

I think it may have something to do with people needing to pick on someone, especially very young people. When you have someone else to hurt, maybe you won't hurt as much? I learned this lesson in jr. high myself.

I moved to a new school when I was 12. I was fairly regularly teased, pushed around, beaten up, etc, which was very hard for me to comprehend as I had been well-liked at my old school. Anyway, in art class there was a sort of "leftovers" people table...the kids that didn't have any friends to sit with. One of the people at the table was more awkward than the rest of us, so the other three of us formed a "club" that didn't even exist and made up a test that she couldn't pass, so we would feel better about ourselves. After the class was over, I realized that I had been guilty of doing to that poor girl what others had done to me. I was horrified (and remain horrified to this day) of my own behavior towards that girl. I never saw her again, so I was never able to apologize. :(

But the only reason I can think of that a stigma attaches itself to being in the band is that the athletic types tend to be more physical, so they don't have to take as much teasing. People are probably less likely to tease someone that looks like they or the peole they hang out with can punch out your lights.

I find it particularly odd when people don't get over this sometime by the end of high school.

By the way, Kay, my web address is www.shawnandcolleen.com. You will not be able to see pix of the car for the next couple of days. DH had to take his side of the site down because we got over 2 million hits to our website, and we have to pay for the bandwidth overage. He'll put it back up in a few days. You can go to this website to see more recent pix of the car right now http://forums.nasioc.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=484634

(These were taken on Wednesday afternoon, while DH was parked in front of a friend's building. They seem to be what caused all the uproar.)

[CompassRose]

That car is awesome!!! I wonder what Grishilde would think of something cool like that? Maybe not Star Wars, though. A. would probably prefer her to be done up like a Borg cube.

Is that the site? What a bunch of maroons, for the most part. Childish, immature -- and it does not prove you are "cooler" if you can bash someone else. At least, not to anybody out of tenth grade.

I looked at your site, too -- and wow! You both ARE cool!

As for reading negative stuff about oneself -- why? "It feels so good when I stop...." :D Although I do read negative reviews of myself/shows I'm in -- after the show is over. Though they make me mope around for days, they are also sometimes useful in pointing out areas I could improve.

[Kayaksoup]

Ok, those guys are ... well, I am at a loss for words.
Your costumes are great, the car is amazing and you look good too.

[colleency]

:o Thank you. I'm kind of embarrased. I didn't intend to make an "I'm so cool" thread.

The link I sent was one of the civilised pages, actually. The one that was bad is called fark.com. I have since been told that their whole site is inhabited by people that are very childish. My original squeamishness for looking was because a friend had told me what they said was really very, very, very bad and told me not to look. I couldn't imagine what people could say that would be so horrible. It turned out my friend is more sensitive than I am. It's really just very childish. The only thing that really annoyed me was that someone sent me an email that was very inappropriate, but I just deleted it.