Are There Cliques on the BB?

[valchemist]

Some recent happenings on the BB along with a few things that have happened in the past has got me thinking about BB cliques. Do they exist?

If so, are they causing people to leave the BB? or not to join in at all? or to stop posting and start lurking?

When people say that there are cliques on the BB, are they mistaking friendships for cliques? If so, why are they viewing the alliances as cliques and not merely as friendships?

Feel free to answer in the thread or just to vote annonymously, since I know this might be a touchy subject for some people.

[wallycat]

I voted that I think there are cliques but that it doesn't bother me in the least. I guess, in a way, you are right--it is more long standing friendships from being on the BB longer or just hitting it off with someone.
In any event, I enjoy being here...I have learned a ton. I have seen some extremely generous people. I hope that I have contributed in some small way...and beyond that, I know that not everyone will like me, get my humor (even though DH swears I have none :rolleyes: ) and appreciate everything I post. Such is life.

That's my story and I'm stickin' to it :D ;)

[tbb113]

I'll be brave and post my thoughts. I voted that there weren't cliques, just friendships. I may be naive, but I don't see how an on-line community can really have cliques (like in high school). I think because of the nature of the board and the different personalities of everyone, that there are some strong friendship bonds.

I also think due to the length of time that some members have been here that there are inside references or knowledge that not everyone has. And I like that :)

In general, I have found everyone to be welcoming, open to suggestion, ready to reconsider their point of view and eager to help in anyway possible. I look forward to coming here many times a day (I'm sure my boss wouldn't approve) and would be thrilled to meet most anyone on the board in real life.

Tyra

[lindrusso]

I don't know if I'd call them cliques and even if there are, it doesn't bother me.

I would just say there are little pockets of folks who know each other much better - they've met IRL, they email, etc. Then there are those who tend to keep to themselves a bit more - participating on the boards, but not taking it much beyond a virtual thing.

I suppose I can see how some may think there are cliques - sometimes there are entire threads that go straight over my head with the back and forth jokes. :D But it doesn't upset me, I just figure I either missed something or it's an inside joke. No biggie. But I suppose it might make some feel left out (the card campaign comes to mind ;) ).

I'll be interested to hear what others say.

Alysha

[Melman]

I think there are some very good friendships on the board. I don't think of these friendships as cliques.

I do think that simply by the fact that some people post more often than others (or have been here longer) they are definitely more well-known than others. It doesn't necessarily make their comments, their recipes, or anything better than anyone else...BUT...when you read repeatedly how much someone has enjoyed particular recipes, opinions, and comments, the "respect" kind of happens by default.

I think this is a great board with highly intelligent, creative, intriguing, caring and fascinating people! It's rare (if ever??) I've seen someone ask for something (support, a recipe, how to fix a kitchen bloop, etc.) and not had answers within minutes.



And if anyone has an open clique, please be sure to let me know. :D :D :D :D :D

[MrsReber]

I've been here a while and think I'm pretty well known, but there are many things that I don't get when I read threads. I think it also depends on what boards you frequent. I have never met anyone IRL, unfortunately. I voted that I think there are cliques, but it doesn't bother me. I don't think they're intentionally formed, I think it just happens when a group of people have the same interests or knowledge in a certain area- they tend to post on the same threads in that case. I don't mind. I really like everyone here.

[NewMrsG]

Hmmm.

I haven't been around all that long, but I honestly find this to be an extremely supportive and sensitive group of people. And there really seem to be few problems - especially considering the degree to which email can create all kinds of problems with getting points across, etc.

I agree with what Melman says - that sometimes people who've been around for awhile there's a certain amount of respect they get almost by default - although, I suppose, having been around for awhile also earns you credibility.

I frequently don't know what the heck people are talking about - (for instance, I have no idea what the card campaign was) but I just chalk that up to not having been around - and once I am (at least I hope I am!) I'll get that stuff too.

[greysangel]

Of course there are friendships etc and people that have met IRL or PM/email more often than the board have a bond. That's pretty natural. However, the only time I've really noticed "clique-ish" behavior oddly enough is the other stuff board and I certainly don't post as much here as I do on other boards.

It can get a bit clique-y, snippy, catty or whatever you want to call it when you are the minority on an opinion. Even more so when you are a minority and you're not one of the "popular" folks on the board. I've noticed pretty bad behavior when someone posts something that may be a controversial topic and they for some reason aren't liked on the board even if they post frequently. For some reason there are just some folks who ruffle people here more than others. Two people can post the same topic and one will get eye rolls and scathing comments and the other person they will just laugh off or let it go.

*shrugs* no biggie either way :)


JeAnne

[KristinK]

I think there are a great number of friendships, and sometimes groups of friends. Not cliques, though. Cliques are exclusive, and I don't think anyone on the BB purposefully excludes others.

I have only been here a year and a half, although I lurked for a few months beforehand. At first I was intimidated because so many people seemed to know each other so well, but as soon as I started posting regularly, I never felt anything less than a warm welcoming. I've enjoyed getting to know people, and maybe one of these days, I'll actually have the pleasure of meeting some of my wonderful BB "friends." (I'll admit -- I am jealous of the New England Klatch!) :)

[DmOrtega]

I feel like an outsider most, if not all, of the time due to not having formed any alliance with anyone on this bb. I've been posting for a long time and still don't feel like part of "the group". Now I'm not complaining. I'm pretty accustomed to it and I wonder how is it that people feel that they have formed "close freindships" on-line. That they can't live their lives without their on-line friends. I'm not asking about the people that have formed freindships "off-line" but about the people that have formed freindships on-line only.

[hlao23]

I'd call them friendships, not cliques. I guess that's what everyone who gives a written response will say. :D I've never met anyone and have only PMd once or twice. I'm very lazy that way...no, no...I mean...I'm at work and far too busy to spend so much time chatting. ;) :D

I like it here. Can't believe I've been a member for so long! :eek:

There have certainly been times too that I've held an opinion that was not a popular one and posted about it. I've never felt attacked though. Even when people don't agree.

[nixmom]

I also don't think of the friendships here as cliques. I'm fairly new here and I was made to feel welcome from the very beginning. I'm not turned off by the "inside jokes" or the long-standing friendships that have developed here and moved to RL. I think it's great that there is a forum like this where people with the same interests can get together, when without something like this most of us would never meet.

There are groups that participate in threads with a specific interest, but I don't think of these groups as cliques. Some of them may interest me, some of them may not. If I am interested, I will ask if anyone minds if I join in. I am not offended when there is a reference to something that happens in one of these threads, or happened before I joined the board, that I don't understand. That's just the way it goes sometimes!

Overall I've found a great group of people whose skills and knowledge I respect, and whose humor and generosity I admire.

Lisa

[gertdog]

I tend to think of cliques as being deliberately exclusive, and using that definition, I'd say there are friendships on the board, not cliques.

As for why the friendships may sometimes be perceived as cliques, I think there are many reasons. Some BBers have been around for a long time and so know each other very well; some members have discovered that they have a lot in common besides cooking; some have even met each other in real life or participate in supper clubs together, thus adding to their shared experience. In addition, it's not just friendships between two people, but sometimes circles of friendship that have developed. And I think that comes through in many of the threads and posts here. But I see a difference between groups of friends and cliques. I don't see the mean-spiritedness, conspiracy, or deliberate exclusivity here that would, to me, indicate a clique.

There are so many great and interesting discussions here. Sometimes the anonymity of a BB lets people share in ways they normally wouldn't; other times I think it's the fact that so many people here are friendly with each other that lets the discussion become personal, touching, supportive, heated, and sometimes hilarious. I view that as a good thing, but I can also see how it could be a bit intimidating for a new person.

I should say that I don't frequent any other bulletin boards, so I don't really have any standards for comparison.

[jphilg]

I think it is probably fair to say that there are some cliques here, but they aren't the same kind of snarky cliques that we experienced in high school. They are groups of people that have an established history and accordingly have long standing jokes, understandings, protocol, etc, that I would imagine seem a little exclusionary if you were checking out this board for the first time.

That said, I think that if people become regular posters, they soon get all of the jokes, etc...it is not *actually* exclusionary unless you rub people the wrong way. I can only think of 2 people (albeit more than two screennames:D ) that seem to uniformly rub people wrong, and they might have been run off. But I think it was their abrasiveness, not their lack of "insiderness" that caused the near-unanimous negitivity towards them.

Additionally, the fact that we know a fair amount about eachother's tastes, social lives, personalities, may result in giving more weight to the opinion of an "oldtimer" over that of a new poster. Again, this may be seen as clique-y, but don't we do that in real life, too? If a reviewer pans a movie, but your friends, who you actually know, love it, wouldn't you go see it? I think it is the same way when suggestions are made by "known personalities" on the board, and I think it is only human (and frankly, rather adaptive...we don't live in a one-size fits all world, so knowing your source makes taking advice a lot more efficient. But I digress....)

I recently posted something that I wished I could go back and edit...I replied to a specific individual with a question that had been answered by another, less known, poster. I can absolutely see why this would be percieved as clique-y! However, it was just an honest mistake from reading too quickly. It illustrates my final point, which is that posting with typed language allows much more room for interpretation than does face to face interaction, or even a phone call. As a result, there are misunderstandings that are simply inherent in this communication form.

I am rambling....but those are my .02.

Jen

[CompassRose]

Yes, absolutely, there are cliques. They don't tend to be hostile ones, though (I've seen THAT on other boards, and it's not pretty!). They're just people who have in-jokes, who maybe IM each other or email privately a lot, who send each other packages and perhaps get together IRL...

Does it bother me? Eh. I think I'm over that; I have never been "clubbable", ever. Even when I tried to get into the "in" parts of my crowd, it simply didn't work. So, heck, I'll be the friendly cat on the sidelines. That's cool. :cool:

[hlao23]

Originally posted by DmOrtega
I feel like an outsider most, if not all, of the time due to not having formed any alliance with anyone on this bb. I've been posting for a long time and still don't feel like part of "the group".

Ooh. Interesting. I definately consider you part of "the group". I think I look more at frequent posts/familar names though. Looks like we joined about the same time.

[BlueMoose]

Yes, I do think there are cliques on this board (in particlular the other stuff board). It's one reason that I'm not around nearly as much as I used to be. I'd like to say more, but I think it would be best to keep my big mouth shut.;) I dont need even more people disliking me on this board than already do.

I do want to mention that I recently saw what I thought was a pretty snotty response to a newer person from a couple of "old timers" that appauled me the other day....It wasn't on that "interesting facts" thread, either.

[luv2run]

Mind you, this is my very humble opinion, but I can't imagine that whether or not there are cliques on this BB should cause people to react so emotionally. I'm certainly not criticizing Val for the poll; I think she is only puzzled by the reaction of others and she has been very welcoming to everyone as far as I've seen.

Yes, there may be cliques but aren't there cliques in every "group" you've ever been involved in? To be part of the clique, you have to want to be involved, not just a casual poster.

Maybe I'm just not the sensitive type but when I don't get a get a large response from a post, I just assume it's because people are busy or my post just didn't interest them.

I think this is a very warm and friendly place, even in the light of a good debate every now and then (which I personally love!).

Debbie :cool:

p.s. Obviously I'm not in the Patriot clique!!! (:D )

Edited to say: As soon as I hit the submit button, I had second thoughts. I don't mean to offend anyone!

[hockeymom]

Okay, deep breath......I have to admit that I am usually too intimidated to post here. I think this board is GREAT and lurk all the time (just ask DH!) I have gotten great tips, recipes, advice from all of you and feel like I know everyone! That said, the few times I have posted, I have felt a little ignored. I think however, the problem is with my perception, not with anyone's intentions on the board. Even though I logically realize this, however, that little girl feeling of not being liked or of not being part of the group does tend to come out in me so I just lurk. Does this make sense? I'm not trying to criticize or be negative - just explain why I feel it's hard to "join in."

Laurie :p

[tbb113]

Originally posted by hockeymom
That said, the few times I have posted, I have felt a little ignored. I think however, the problem is with my perception, not with anyone's intentions on the board. Even though I logically realize this, however, that little girl feeling of not being liked or of not being part of the group does tend to come out in me so I just lurk. Does this make sense? I'm not trying to criticize or be negative - just explain why I feel it's hard to "join in."

Laurie :p

Laurie:
Welcome to the boards! I think we all felt that way in the beginning. All I can say is the more I post, the more I want to post. Hopefully you will start feeling that way as well. :)

Tyra

[SandyM]

It's taking me a while to compose my response to this. I hope it comes out right.

I've met a few people on this board - people that I consider to be true friends. Am I drawn to them? You bet. Do I e-mail them frequently, call them, write to them? Absolutely. They're friends, and I care for them in a deep and personal way.

Equally, I feel very close to people on this board that I haven't even met yet, but would love to. It may happen, and it may not. The friendships just happened - I never seeked them out. If you told me 3 years ago I'd have so many rich and rewarding relationships because of this bulletin board, I would have thought you were nuts.

There isn't anything wrong with people who chose not to forge friendships here, either. It is a bit of an anomaly, that's for sure.

If you put 20,000 people together in one room, there could to be 19,995 that you don't get along with, don't "get", would rather not be around. I find that here. Nothing wrong with it - it's natural, I think.

If I've made anyone feel excluded from a "clique", it's been unintentional. I don't feel part of a "clique". They're my friends. Of course there will be "inside jokes" from those who have met. I don't know that it happens with any regularity, but I could perhaps just be blind to it. I know I'm guilty of doing it, and I should be more careful.

[JHolcomb]

Yeah, but as far as my inclusion/exclusion goes,I don't care. I do feel badly that people feel left out, though. I know I can be pretty snarky sometimes...I've spent most of my life hiding my real opinions and agreeing with/being nice to everyone even when I shouldn't (or heck, just don't want to!)...I'm just now getting the hang expressing my opinions, and in the process I'm sure I'll rub people the wrong way before I find that perfect balance of tact and truthfulness.

[greysangel]

I dont mind people expressing opinions and certainly don't mind friendships as I have some of my own... I think my only critical observation is that people react to people as well as to the topic. Which I guess is human nature. If mom tells me the sky is blue, I try to find where she's criticising me :D

[ellery]

I answered "no" too.

I feel that there are people out there who are more or lesser known, depending on how much they put themselves out there, how many discussion groups they join, etc., and that there are "board friendships", not cliques.

I think that negative experiences occur when people post with unrealistic expectations. For example, here on the boards as in life, how you present things counts. Here on the board, as in life, if all you do is ask for feedback and never respond or say thank you, others are going to get annoyed. Here too, if you're curt or dismissive, feathers will get ruffled. I think the unrealistic people forget that, and expect more from online people than they would expect from people in their day-to-day lives.

I remember when I first joined, reading several posts from people who'd resigned from the boards, citing others' negativity and spitefulness, and I was frankly taken aback, careful of what I said, afraid I was going to have the same experience.

But I think in general, this is an amazing group of people who contribute to the boards, whether it's occasionally or several times a day. I can't imagine having access to this many wise and knowledgeable people without these boards and I consider myself very fortunate to have found this forum.

Just my thoughts...

Leah

[beacooker]

To me, when I have seen new people accuse people on the bb of being cliquish, what I actually see is that they have violated 2 pretty strong customs that we have on this bb: 1) To state opinions AS opinions and to seek other's opinions, and 2) To avoid conflicts. The majority of times when a newcomer (or a not-so-new comer) gets in trouble, it is because they either very strongly state their opinion about a matter, without making it clear that it is only their opinion, or they actually 'attack' another person.

I am not claiming that 'oldtimers' ;) on the bb never break any of the above rules, but the majority don't do it very often. And if they do, they are given the benefit of the doubt, because as someone said, we know them, and know they aren't always like that. But if a newcomer comes in and immediately starts breaking the 'rules', we don't tolerate that very well, which I think is normal. If the newcomer then apologizes and adapts to our customs, from what I have seen, they are quickly forgiven and accepted.

All that seems like basic group psychology to me - I don't think our group is unique in this way. And I certainly don't think it is cliquish, although I do think that some members are more 'popular' than others. However, a member's popularity is generally reflected in their number of posts - if you post more often, you get more 'popular'. That seems fair to me.

Welcome, hockeymom!

[memartha]

Val,

Thanks for the interesting poll. I voted there are cliques, but it doesn't bother me. Some people seem to be very friendly; I'm not sure if they've met IRL or have just formed this friendship via the boards. Whatever; it's their business, not mine. I'm happy about all the different people I've "met" online and IRL. I think the boards are a wonderful way for so many of us to share ideas, exchange information and yes, vent about everything from failed recipes to relationship problems. Overall, I feel this is a very friendly place.

Martha

[kima]

My heart kind of sunk when I saw this poll (I am sorry Val). If there are cliques here I don't know about them nor do I want to be in one.

In all honesty I am not even sure what a clique on a BB would be. In my highschool a clique was a group of students who kept to themselves for the most part and did not seem open to meeting and including new people. Is that what you all consider the defination of a clique?
If so then there are no cliques here. Yes some people have formed good friendships- whether they have met in person or not. But I have never felt excluded from any discussion- (though like everyone I have many posts that are ignored- it happens). I know in my heart that I have never excluded anyone and love hearing from new members.
So could someone please tell me what a clique is?

[sneezles]

Originally posted by DmOrtega
I wonder how is it that people feel that they have formed "close freindships" on-line. That they can't live their lives without their on-line friends. I'm not asking about the people that have formed freindships "off-line" but about the people that have formed freindships on-line only.

I have formed friendships (I hope so anyway) here that I would miss that conection if it were lost to me, I could go on with my life but there would still be a void. I consider BlueMoose (Chrisi) one of those friendships and I find myself smiling when I see she has come to "visit" instead of "lurk". Chrisi is one that has shared a lot of her life on the BB (and not all of it fun) and she is so giving of her knowledge (and her talents...those cute dolls she makes) that I miss her and pm her just to check in.
Emily, our world traveler, is also one that makes me smile when I see her name as a poster! I almost met her, RebeccaT and aggie94 once.
Claire797, Anna, I have met...and her mom and her beautiful daughter, Emma. Wasn't for long but they made the trek to Fayetteville (TX) to hear our cowboy singer (so I was having to actually work that night :rolleyes: ). Anna has a great sense of humor that you might not "get" if you haven't been around for awhile...:p
And then there's Jewel who led the pack on the gab meter then boom! She gets a job that limits her BB time :eek: but now she's back more and that is wonderful.
There are those who converse more privately through emails and pm's because there are things you don't want to share on the BB doesn't make you part of a clique and I certainly hope these friendships don't make me weird (well, I guess if I'm honest I was weird before I got here!)!

[DebGo]

i too am more of a "lurker" than a "poster". that is primarily by my own choice. i still "steal" and very much appreciate, a lot of recipes and great ideas from everyone. that being said, i voted yes for cliques, but that it didn't matter to me. a clique can be a good friendship among a group of people. like Mrs. Reber said, there are many threads that have an underlying meaning/message that i don't get. does it bother me....NO! do i wish i knew what they were talking about....YES! :D just due to my nosy nature. i don't believe any of this is done to intentionally alienate or leave people out. i feel as if i can jump in at any time. you all have always made me feel welcome and offered advice/ideas when asked.

yes, i have seen some "snotty" answers and posts that have made my mouth drop open. those people create their own circumstances both on these boards and in life. i'm just glad i'm not like that. :D

[Molli526]

I don't think there are cliques per say. I would say that some people have formed friendships - either from PM-ing, e-mailing, meeting IRL etc. It is natural for people who have formed a bond to support each other on a thread. I know I have made some wonderful friends because of this board.

In defense of "old-timers" saying something snotty to someone newer, sometimes those "new" people aren't new, just a sheep in wolf's clothing. I know that I have recognized new posters, that really aren't new, just a new screen name.

I think it is intimidating at first, just because we all do know each other so well. After I started posting more, well, you can see by my posts, that I felt more comfortable. Please, join in. We were all new at one time. :)

[gertdog]

Maureen,

Here's the Merriam-Webster definition:

Main Entry: clique
Pronunciation: 'klEk, 'klik
Function: noun
Etymology: French
: a narrow exclusive circle or group of persons; especially : one held together by common interests, views, or purposes
- cliqu·ey also cliquy /'klE-kE, 'kli-/ adjective
- cliqu·ish /'kli-kish/ adjective
- cliqu·ish·ly adverb
- cliqu·ish·ness noun

It's the "exclusive" part of the definition that I feel doesn't apply to the BB (in my post above). Of course others may define it differently (or answer the question differently even if they agree with the above definition!)- I don't mean to imply that the dictionary definition is the only appropriate one, just that this is what I based my response on. In reading through this thread, it already looks like we have some differing ways of defining what it means.

[DebGo]

molli,
i really don't know WHO the "snotty" responses are from. i didn't mean to insinuate they were "old-timers" because i truly don't know who they are. whether they are old timers, new old timers, or ??? no offense intended, but i have far better things to do with my time then keep track of those kinds of people.

[kima]

Thanks Stephanie.:)

[Molli526]

Originally posted by DebGo
molli,
i really don't know WHO the "snotty" responses are from. i didn't mean to insinuate they were "old-timers" because i truly don't know who they are. whether they are old timers, new old timers, or ??? no offense intended, but i have far better things to do with my time then keep track of those kinds of people.

I think we kind of "police" ourselves so to speak, so someone does try to let that person know, we do know who they are. It is sort of protecting our happy little community. I should have stated my thoughts better - :o

[Little Bit]

(Hi Hockeymom!)

Cliques? Not as I'd define the term.

I stick around here because there is such a HUGE group of people available, with such an enormous diversity of opinions and experiences. People tend to be generous about sharing their experiences, which is NOT the norm in most internet communities I've seen. (and probably why the other communities aren't as popular as they could be.)

One thing I think it's easy not to notice is that these boards move REALLY, REALLY quickly. Faster than almost any other I've seen. (and that one was mostly uncivil teenagers who don't cook, and I didn't stick around, Yikes! lol!)

If you post to an internet BB with unrealistic expectations about the quality or quantity of responses you get, you're likely to be disappointed. So many times, I've seen newer (and sometimes older) members post a thread with a subject line that doesn't even hint at the information they really need. How can that justify disappointment, much less anger?

(Am I truly the only one who skims most boards, responding almost entirely to my interest in the subject line, and not much else? I seldom notice who starts a thread.)

I can honestly say that some of the people who post here seem hugely timid to me, and I find it very hard to relate to the sort of people who work to avoid conflict at any and all cost, no matter that it shuts down the discussion or creates even more misunderstanding. I say it's better to keep the lines of communication open, even through the tough stuff, since untreated wounds tend to fester. Expressing ourselves 'just' in text, I think we have to work that much harder to make the nuances of our intentions clear. If you shut down the discussion for fear of giving offense, the opportunity to learn is lost. It took me 25 years to learn how to make fudge, and if I'd wandered away from these boards just because some of the more transitory and thin-skinned members of this board strike me as absurd, I might never have done it. It seems like a small thing, but it's made a difference in my life. In a really silly way, I feel more empowered, and not just in the kitchen. ;) I'm glad I stuck around. I've learned a LOT, and don't plan to quit now.

We are NOT a group of snarky teenagers, so I don't really understand how/why some people always react that way. (i.e., as though they were being singled out, victimised, mistreated, ignored or bullied)

Assuming the worst is too easy, but I think that it's naive to assume that everyone posting here is always on the up and up. People post on internet bulletin boards for LOTS of reasons, not just because they need to find new recipes to use up an unexpected abundance of eggplant. The only posters I can remember having REAL trouble, were 1) determined to lecture pedantically and didactically and 2) had NO interest in discussion, just in preaching. (~yawn~)

Some people enjoy stirring up conflict, for its' own sake, and then turn innocent and disingenuous once things get heated. If we forget that people really do choose to behave that way, it's easy to get drawn in to their manufactured dramas.

I, for one, prefer to spend my free time making fudge. :) If that means I don't 'get' the humor in some of the in-joke, pun-filled threads, so be it. The people involved seem to be enjoying themselves, and that's more than good enough for me.

[sneezles]

Originally posted by Little Bit
I can honestly say that some of the people who post here seem hugely timid to me, and I find it very hard to relate to the sort of people who work to avoid conflict at any and all cost, no matter that it shuts down the discussion or creates even more misunderstanding. I say it's better to keep the lines of communication open, even through the tough stuff, since untreated wounds tend to fester. Expressing ourselves 'just' in text, I think we have to work that much harder to make the nuances of our intentions clear. If you shut down the discussion for fear of giving offense, the opportunity to learn is lost.

I, for one, prefer to spend my free time making fudge. :) If that means I don't 'get' the humor in some of the in-joke, pun-filled threads, so be it. The people involved seem to be enjoying themselves, and that's more than good enough for me.

I loved your entire post but just wanted to respond to 2 parts of it. I so agree with the first part I've included in the quote...I get the feeling that sometimes I am being scolded for participating in a thread. I am an adult, I may not always act like one, and I think that I should be able to post on a thread without fear of being reprimanded unless I'm being unfair to others (and even that might be interpretaion...).

As to the last part of your post...Who gets to eat all that fudge?http://aunimages.animfactory.com/animations/people_a_l/housewife/rosie_eating_chocolates_lg_clr.gif

[valchemist]

Originally posted by BlueMoose

I do want to mention that I recently saw what I thought was a pretty snotty response to a newer person from a couple of "old timers" that appauled me the other day....It wasn't on that "interesting facts" thread, either.

I am pretty sure I know what you are referring to, here. It was buried in a thread and not too many people saw it. the relatively new poster never responded to the snotty post. she never defended herself. but I am sure she saw it because she has been posting ever since that incident.

The statement the new poster made that elicited the snotty remarks was not all that bad. And had it come out of a "regular" poster's mouth it would have been deemed acceptable.

this backs up what JeAnne has been saying -- that people respond to both the person and the topic.

[SueK]

Originally posted by sneezles

..Who gets to eat all that fudge?

I want to be Little Bit's next swap partner!! :cool:

Also wanted to add that I love the boards. I've learned a ton of things about cooking (and life!), made friends and look forward to visiting here every day. Sure, there are jokes I don't get, etc., but it's like that in non-cyber situations, too, so it doesn't bother me. I don't think there's ever been a time that I posted w/a question or plea for help about something that I didn't get helpful feedback from people.

[AndreaU]

I don't really think of what goes on here as "cliquey." Sure there are some of us who "know" certain others better, but in general I find this a very warm & inviting place. New or old, I think members here (for the most part) go out of their way to help each other. I actually think this whole BB is a clique if you refer to the definition gertdog posted; while hardly a narrow group, we certainly are held together by common interests, views and purposes.

I think it's great that some members have made it a point to gather and meet each other in person. If I had the time to do so, I'd love to get together with other local BBers. I don't see that as being part of a clique, but rather a way to make friends and broaden one's horizons and experiences.

If I thought there was any kind of clique or "secret society" activity, I would not have stuck around for over 3 years!

[Gail]

I think that sometimes when an opinion post becomes overly one-sided, it may appear to the person in the minority that there is a clique.

I think that sometimes when private jokes are shared publicly, someone may perceive there is a clique.

I think that if someone's presence or input is ignored, sometimes that person may perceive there is a clique.

I think that in our attempts to be supportive of our online friends in moments of conflict, the person not receiving support may sometimes perceive there is a clique.

I am not saying there ARE cliques; I am stating reasons why some might perceive there are cliques. And, as my husband's boss is fond of saying: perception is everything.

[Shirley Ekstein]

I don't often come on these days (lack of time) but just wanted to add that not once have I ever felt excluded - every time I've posted something I've had the kindest replies - so my answer has to be no - no cliques.
If there are any, I have never been aware of them or made to feel anything but welcome.
For which I thank you all.

[Gail]

Originally posted by Molli526
...In defense of "old-timers" saying something snotty to someone newer, sometimes those "new" people aren't new, just a sheep in wolf's clothing.

Didn't you mean wolf in sheep's clothing? ;)

I know that I have recognized new posters, that really aren't new, just a new screen name.

While I'm all for detective skills, isn't there a possibility the person is trying to behave this time around? (Obviously I was wrong insofar as most recent events show.) But, couldn't we just kind of let 'em live with the illusion, give 'em the benefit of the doubt and treat them like every other newbie unless they go back their old evil ways?

[Chefzhat]

No cliques. And, really, aren't we all too old to be worrying about this kind of stuff??

Originally posted by ellery
Here on the board, as in life, if all you do is ask for feedback and never respond or say thank you, others are going to get annoyed.


Exactly.

'Nuff said.

[Kristilyn1]

I'm surprised that anyone thinks this thread itself is negative. I think it's an interesting question.

I'm an old timer and I feel I'm out of the loop sometimes---but that's ok. I think there are more than a few cliques around here in the sense that some posters follow after other posters or keep track of who writes what, etc. I don't think that's a bad thing---just and observation. I totally enjoy these board and often come for advice and just to chat, but I admit I don't go into a lot of my personal life or others--for the most part. That's just me.

I remember a very heated thread or two ago where several people admitted that they automatically block certain people's responses who tick them off---I also got a couple of PM's from people that just felt they needed to let me know how they dislike me. If that's not the behavior of someone who is trying to exclude someone else, I don't know what is?!

Just for the record--I don't have a problem with it--just observing. I hope my response doesn't spin this down the tubes......it isn't meant to.

Kristi

[DebGo]

after reading Kristilyn's post i just wanted to add that although i do feel there are "cliques" amongst some it's not a negative. like kristilyn, it's just an observation. not up to me to be the judge (positive vs. negative). these are strictly my observations and opinions. i think it's great that there is support here among us, whether for personal or cooking needs.

keep on keepin' on! :p

[sneezles]

Originally posted by Kristilyn1
I hope my response doesn't spin this down the tubes......it isn't meant to.

Kristi

Hopefully, others will realize that these are just opinions and they are like...everybody's got one and at some point everybody knows one or has been one! http://www.vfb-zh.ch/gaestebuch/images/smilies/tomato.gif
I'm sorry that others have sent you hatefull pm's I find that an abuse of Private Messaging but then again it's JMHO! I know that it would be a very, very, very boring world if we all had the same opinions...I certainly wouldn't be hanging out here, it would be too boring! http://www.vfb-zh.ch/gaestebuch/images/smilies/sleepy.gif

[yorkshirepud]

Originally posted by Gail
While I'm all for detective skills, isn't there a possibility the person is trying to behave this time around? (Obviously I was wrong insofar as most recent events show.) But, couldn't we just kind of let 'em live with the illusion, give 'em the benefit of the doubt and treat them like every other newbie unless they go back their old evil ways?

I have to agree with Gail here.

I realize that some people come to this board with the intention of creating havoc. That’s life. In most cases, it seems, they are banished from the board one way or another. But Gail’s thought that some may be coming back to start anew, could possibly be the case. Couldn’t it? Haven’t you ever made a mistake and attempted to rectify it? Did you face the same hostility others may have in doing so? I’m sure at some point the answer to those questions will be yes, but I’m sure, on occasion, people have allowed you the dignity to learn from your mistake and they’ve gotten over it. This level of respect/maturity should be embraced on these boards too.

No one has made us the board ‘governors’ and why should we assume to right to do so. The essence of this board is its community. No matter what community you’re in, whether in real life or online, there are always going to people that tick you off, are different and have different ways of communicating. Again, that’s life.

Now I’m not saying we shouldn’t be open, communicate freely and state our opinion. Of course we should! It’s just a matter of picking the battles, choosing the words, and giving people the respect that we expect to receive ourselves. At the end of the day, bull riding others off the board with bad manners/insensitivity isn’t going to get you anywhere. Is it going to enrich your life? No! Is it going to make a difference in general to this board and its community? No!

While I’m here, I may as well answer the question as originally I just decided to lurk.

I don’t think there cliques; although as most have stated, there are many here they are much closer than others. That’s only natural. And it really doesn’t bother me.


Lastly, hockeymom, WELCOME TO THE BOARDS! Please, please participate. The more the merrier!

[fci5767]

I wrote a nice long response to this thread but it apparently went to the land of the "it took to long to post" threads.

Anyway, I don't have time to repost but I voted for No Cliques, just longterm friendships.

Beth

[Laura]

I am not sure if "clique" is the right term, but even though I have been here from the beginning, I have often felt like an outsider. That is probably my own "perception" though.

With some groups, some real genuine friendships have developed. Because those friendships continue on and off the boards, it can you make you feel like you are an outsider, even if that is not the intention.

There have been times when I think the general tone of certain threads has taken a nasty turn. Who knows how the conversation would turn out if we were sitting around the kitchen table, but when you see it in black and white it can take on a whole different meaning.

I don't participate on any other boards, so I have no idea if this one is "nicer" than others. But even on those days when I have been turned off by the general tone of a thread, it doesn't keep me away for long.

[cniles]

I actually think this whole BB is a clique if you refer to the definition gertdog posted; while hardly a narrow group, we certainly are held together by common interests, views and purposes

Very interesting thread! I'm fairly new to the boards and I fully agree with AndreaU's comment. I have found everyone to be friendly, helpful, fun!.... I haven't really noticed tension on the boards except for the thread with JenniferCL - no clue what that was about:) I really enjoy posting and responding to questions... keep the lines of communication open;)

[Cookin4Love]

Obviously, it only takes a quick look at the number of my posts to know that I'm not an "old-timer" or a frequent poster. Actually, I lurked on and off for literally years before I ever registered as a member. I'm a person who has to mull things over and carefully consider before I do things, which means first, that I lurked for a long time, and second, that a lot of things have been run to death before I decide to post, so I just never jump into the thread. However, I've been "around" the boards long enough to know most of the history, and lots of the "inside" jokes, even though I never participated in them--I just lived them vicariously.

With that explanation, I guess I can forge ahead. First of all, I think there is much more good than bad on the board. When someone reaches out for help, the outpouring, both on the thread, and through PMs and E-mails (as referenced in the threads) is astonishing. I occasionally get a nice PM from someone in response to something I've said, and have never gotten a nasty one--at least not yet. There are two times I feel someone has been directly snarky with me personally when I've posted. Does it bother me much? No, not really. I enjoy the boards, and would like to meet some of you and get to know you better, but this is a group--a large one. I don't expect to click (as opposed to "clique" :p ) with everyone.

I assume that, if I worked in a building with hundreds of people, there would be a select few that I really enjoyed and would socialize with outside of the regular day. There would be many others who I would enjoy talking to whenever I ran into them, but probably wouldn't go out of my way to look for. There would be yet others who I really didn't like, but would never be rude to. I think this is the same way.

I think more than cliques, there are a few people on the boards who either don't know how they come across, or just feel free to inflict themselves on others in a sometimes nasty or superior way. Some of them are gone, but I think some other genuinely nice people have left because of them, and that's sad. Even if you aren't getting snarked AT, it's uncomfortable to be around when others are.

Okay, this may be the end of my illustrious CLBB posting career. Please let me know if you're going to throw tomatoes so I can duck. :p

[sneezles]

Originally posted by Cookin4Love
Obviously, it only takes a quick look at the number of my posts to know that I'm not an "old-timer" or a frequent poster. Actually, I lurked on and off for literally years before I ever registered as a member. I'm a person who has to mull things over and carefully consider before I do things, which means first, that I lurked for a long time, and second, that a lot of things have been run to death before I decide to post, so I just never jump into the thread. However, I've been "around" the boards long enough to know most of the history, and lots of the "inside" jokes, even though I never participated in them--I just lived them vicariously.

With that explanation, I guess I can forge ahead. First of all, I think there is much more good than bad on the board. When someone reaches out for help, the outpouring, both on the thread, and through PMs and E-mails (as referenced in the threads) is astonishing. I occasionally get a nice PM from someone in response to something I've said, and have never gotten a nasty one--at least not yet. There are two times I feel someone has been directly snarky with me personally when I've posted. Does it bother me much? No, not really. I enjoy the boards, and would like to meet some of you and get to know you better, but this is a group--a large one. I don't expect to click (as opposed to "clique" :p ) with everyone.

I assume that, if I worked in a building with hundreds of people, there would be a select few that I really enjoyed and would socialize with outside of the regular day. There would be many others who I would enjoy talking to whenever I ran into them, but probably wouldn't go out of my way to look for. There would be yet others who I really didn't like, but would never be rude to. I think this is the same way.

I think more than cliques, there are a few people on the boards who either don't know how they come across, or just feel free to inflict themselves on others in a sometimes nasty or superior way. Some of them are gone, but I think some other genuinely nice people have left because of them, and that's sad. Even if you aren't getting snarked AT, it's uncomfortable to be around when others are.

Okay, this may be the end of my illustrious CLBB posting career. Please let me know if you're going to throw tomatoes so I can duck. :p

First of all, there ain't gonna be no warning' for them 'maters! Just start duckin' every couple a seconds! http://www.vfb-zh.ch/gaestebuch/images/smilies/tomato.gif

Your analogy of the BB is very true! Hopefully others will acutally read it (one of my pet peeves about the BB...just ask LonghornGal about her survey).
And then there are those who know exactly how they come across, they know that they are stubborn and opinionated but take offense when others are just as stubborn & opinionated (especially opposing views)
Yet time and time again, here comes that bull in the china closet, "It's My Opinion and I Could Give a Hoot as to Yours'"


So I'm enjoying this thread!!!!:D :D :D

[Kristine]

I voted that yes there are cliques, but they don't bother me in the least. I think everyone "wants" different things out of this BB....for me personally, I'm not interested in meeting people in real life or participating in the swaps and such. I've never been PMed and have never PMed anyone else. I'm younger and less experienced than most people here, so I truly enjoy just learning from you all! :) It is absolutely natural that some people are drawn to certain other people; and on the other hand some people may not "click" with someone else. I definitely am not good friends with everyone I know in real life, so it makes sense that there will be varying degrees of friendship among board members as well.

I tend to gloss over the "snotty" comments (none have ever been directed at me - at least that I was aware of! lol)....it is so hard to convey emotion thru the computer, and I'm sure that 9 times out of 10, the person who made the "snotty" comment wasn't trying to be snotty at all. It just got interpreted that way, because words alone don't always express the sentiment behind what someone is trying to say.

[MaryH]

Originally posted by hockeymom
That said, the few times I have posted, I have felt a little ignored. I think however, the problem is with my perception, not with anyone's intentions on the board. Even though I logically realize this, however, that little girl feeling of not being liked or of not being part of the group does tend to come out in me so I just lurk. Does this make sense? I'm not trying to criticize or be negative - just explain why I feel it's hard to "join in."

I looked and looked trying to find you a very popular thread from a while back where the topic was people feeling a bit "slighted" because they would "kill" a thread (i.e. be the last one to post and then have the thread disappear into obscurity.) It was really hilarious and I wish I could find it for you. I have the feeling that if you read it, you won't feel "ignored" again. :cool: (At least I hope not.)

[valchemist]

originally posted by chefzhat

No cliques. And, really, aren't we all too old to be worrying about this kind of stuff??

I guess some people don't care and don't worry about it. But I do feel bad if people feel excluded or ignored. I hope I am not coming off as sounding like a teenager with this poll. :o If I am, sorry!

Originally posted by kima
My heart kind of sunk when I saw this poll (I am sorry Val). If there are cliques here I don't know about them nor do I want to be in one.



Hey, Maureen, you don't have to be sorry. :) The numbers on the poll show that this was a reasonable question to ask.

Most of the people giving written responses here are saying that there aren't any cliques while a majority of people who voted believe that there are.

I am fortunate because I don't feel excluded or ignored. I mainly started this poll because I have seen that some people do feel excluded or ignored or not "part of the bunch." And this leads them to either not participate as much or to leave altogether. I just think that is too bad. I guess you could say that if they are that sensitive then they don't belong here and good riddance. But I really don't think too many people here would say that. We are all too nice! :)

[boisewinesnob]

I think there are cliques, but it only bothers me occassionally. I feel like I have been directly excluded a few times. Each time it was a case where I had sent someone a PM with either a friendly message or information they had asked for on a thread. Even though I could tell via PM tracking that they had received and read the PMs, they never acknowledged the fact that I sent it. How is that NOT excluding :confused:
Those were the few exceptions. I must admit that nearly everyone I have PM'd with has been very nice and not ignored me :) . And to prevent myself from being in that position again, I disabled it altogether.

I also notice there are certain people who will not respond to threads I start. I'm guessing it doesn't only happen to me and I guess I shouldn't let it bother me at all; heck, there is bound to be someone out there to whose threads I've never responded! Maybe she thinks the same of me :o .

[sunberst]

friendships, cliques, inside jokes, seniority, popular people, unpopular people, catty remarks, kind remarks that are taken as catty, people with bold opinions, people with sensitive feelings...

yes all that exists in some small way or another, but isnt that a part of life?

[tinalag]

Wow, what an interesting and thoughtful question! I don't think there are cliques on this BB. I don't feel any exclusion going on.In fact this is a very inclusive board and very welcoming. I am obviously new and have lurked quite a bit before posting. I do think that there is a hierarchy, but I don't see that as a negative--I see it as an organizing principle. I guess it is all in the way you look at it.

I think that give and take always involves some element of risk and some are more sensitive to that than others, but I quite enjoy the openness, directness and sensitivity displayed on this board. I think that is what draws me to it. That doesn't mean that I don't sometimes worry about what I've written or that I don't sometimes struggle with responses I've gotten (I have a tendency to hypersensitivity). But it's ok. I always get something from that.

Thanks, Val. This has brought out a lot of interesting discussion.

[mbrogier]

I don't mind cliques as in people that have deeper friendships with other members because they've met, etc. The only problem I have is the few times members have gotten snarky with someone because they didn't like their opinions. It does bother me a bit--what if I were to be singled out? I really enjoy this BB and the support and information contained here and all you wonderful people. I don't think this is a huge problem, just something we all need to be aware of when we're writing our responses.

[aggie94]

Originally posted by BlueMoose
I do want to mention that I recently saw what I thought was a pretty snotty response to a newer person from a couple of "old timers" that appauled me the other day....It wasn't on that "interesting facts" thread, either.

Originally posted by valchemist
I am pretty sure I know what you are referring to, here. It was buried in a thread and not too many people saw it. the relatively new poster never responded to the snotty post. she never defended herself. but I am sure she saw it because she has been posting ever since that incident.

The statement the new poster made that elicited the snotty remarks was not all that bad. And had it come out of a "regular" poster's mouth it would have been deemed acceptable.

I'm quite sure you're talking about me, here. And if that's the case, I have no apologies for what I said. Even if my comment had been snotty, which I don't think it was, I don't feel bad about saying in the slightest. It also wasn't just my opinion, as evidenced by all the PMs I received afterwards thanking me. I'm just the one that happened to have the balls to say what at least a dozen people were already thinking. I have apologized for inappropriate comments in the past, but I don't think I have anything to apologize for this time. I was just being dead (yet not brutally) honest.

Honestly, I have never thought the board was "cliquish." Cliques are exclusive, like others have already said. I have never seen people intentionally exclude anyone. That said, I do think there are threads that create the impression of cliques, and that's unfortunate. For example, the thread(s) about the card-sending campaign for Alysha's DH left a lot of people feeling confused and excluded, because they didn't receive PMs when everyone else did. Sure, if they asked, they'd have gotten one, but sometimes people who are already feeling slighted are not going to bother. Another example, the thread about JenniferCL today. People who had not seen the thread that was the prompt for the thanks to Jennifer were confused about what was going on and felt like they were being excluded from some "big secret."

I have made a lot of wonderful friendships from this board, some with people I still have never met IRL. There have been LOTS of friendships forged from this board, and I'm certainly not a party to every single of those. But that doesn't make me feel like they've formed some sort of clique.

[valchemist]

I'm quite sure you're talking about me, here. And if that's the case, I have no apologies for what I said.

oops, Eva. no, it wasn't your comment. I don't even know what comment you are talking about! I guess I shouldn't have opened my mouth. but it definitely wasn't anything you said!

[aggie94]

Sorry, Val - my bad. :o

I still think Chrisi was talking about me, though. ;)

[Kristilyn1]

In reading several people's comments about the fact that they've seen snarky or rude comments directed at people.

I think it's VERY IMPORTANT for people to either respond on the board or PM someone to clarify if this has happened, etc. I think it is very unfair to comment later or walk away with a grudge if you haven't even sought a further explanation or maybe even an apology if you feel it's warranted.

I can't remember a thread I've seen lately where I felt people were being picked on---so just because one person or even a few other people see it clearly as rude---you cannot possibly expect the "offender" to know unless you tell them. If you PM someone and get a rude response back, then maybe it's time to bow out---but just like in life--you have to have the guts to let someone know if they have hurt your feelings.

I've long got the impression that when a thread turns nasty---the secret PM's fly like crazy where people express solidarity with the point of view of their choice. Does anyone else agree with this?

As far as people who have changed screennames or come here to "make trouble"---I can honestly say that I totally do not think that is true. Unpopular people are often termed "troublemakers". Makes it nice and neat.

Anyway, I love these boards and I'm not trying to make it sound like a negative place--it really isn't. But like my family whom I love dearly---there are things I've noticed that maybe aren't the most positive.

Kristi

[beejayw1]

Originally posted by Cookin4Love
I think more than cliques, there are a few people on the boards who either don't know how they come across, or just feel free to inflict themselves on others in a sometimes nasty or superior way. Some of them are gone, but I think some other genuinely nice people have left because of them, and that's sad. Even if you aren't getting snarked AT, it's uncomfortable to be around when others are.

One thing that CLBB has provided is a way to remove those folks who grate on your nerves from your screen. I'm speaking of the 'ignored' list under 'User CP' If someone seems really snarky (LOVE that word: this is the first place I've read it!), just put his or her name there and you will never see another post of theirs, unless it is quoted.

Some folks use this feature a lot, some don't. It takes a lot to get me disgusted enough to put someone on an 'ignore' list, and the folks here are generally too nice to achieve that nastiness. :) But it's nice to know it's there.

Cookin4Love, I love your screen name, and I certainly won't be tossing tomatoes at you!

[beejayw1]

Originally posted by boisewinesnob
I also notice there are certain people who will not respond to threads I start. I'm guessing it doesn't only happen to me and I guess I shouldn't let it bother me at all; heck, there is bound to be someone out there to whose threads I've never responded! Maybe she thinks the same of me :o .

Gosh, I never notice who starts threads! Generally, if it looks interesting, I read it and reply to it. (Haven't had a lot of time lately, however.)

I hope you didn't PM me and get ignored! I try to answer quickly!

[Gail]

Originally posted by beejayw1


One thing that CLBB has provided is a way to remove those folks who grate on your nerves from your screen. I'm speaking of the 'ignored' list under 'User CP' If someone seems really snarky (LOVE that word: this is the first place I've read it!), just put his or her name there and you will never see another post of theirs, unless it is quoted...



Well... not exactly. If you're uncookied it doesn't work unless you're signed in. Found that out when I was playing with it way back when...:rolleyes:

[beejayw1]

Originally posted by Gail
Well... not exactly. If you're uncookied it doesn't work unless you're signed in. Found that out when I was playing with it way back when...:rolleyes:

Well, if you can't be bothered to sign in, Gail... ;) :p

[Gail]

Originally posted by beejayw1


Well, if you can't be bothered to sign in, Gail... ;) :p

Goddesses DO lurk, you know...:p

[SandyM]

Originally posted by Gail
I am not saying there ARE cliques; I am stating reasons why some might perceive there are cliques. And, as my husband's boss is fond of saying: perception is everything.

I think this is key. You may perceive things one way, but it doesn't necessarily make it true.

[claire797]

Originally posted by Gail


Well... not exactly. If you're uncookied it doesn't work unless you're signed in. Found that out when I was playing with it way back when...:rolleyes:

I've often toyed with using my Ignore list, but if you're ignoring people, are you fully participating in the BB world around you? What if the person you want to ignore posts a great recipe or (gasp!) actually says something nice about you? Would you really just want to not know?

[CORALEE]

Here is my opinion and maybe some others out there agree...

at the risk of sounding confrontational I will respond but urge everyone to take my words with a grain of salt.

Val,

Great poll and obviously everyone is enjoying pondering the results.
I voted yes there are cliques and it bothers me a little. Firstly I don't think that the "social" situation is intentional... and in defense of people who are in "high school type cliques" (not me mind you) sometimes the exclusion of others is a misinterpretation of several close knit people who are enjoying eachother so much that they dont realize they are discluding others. They are just getting everything they need from there little group and so... don't seek out other interaction.

i really enjoy "lurking" here and have been for some time. As with others: time with kids, and work does not permit me to always be up to snuff with the goings on here.

I have however, found that some people's responses are ignored for the most part or skipped over. It is a little itimidating and as a new poster looking for some friendly conversation (and sometime some exciting not so friendly conversation!!) I often find it hard to break into the group... as is with a few other newcomers I have come into contact with. I have also pm'd some people who have never ever responded or acknowledged it.

I dont really have issues here... and if I didn't like being here I wouldn't... but maybe the reason why most people who voted that there are cliques and it bothers them is that they can vote anonymously and move on lurking. Take a look at who posted replies (most are well known posters) to this thread and who didn't. maybe that is where the contraindication comes in.

Trish

i am going to submit before i rethink posting to this so bear with any mistakes.

[beejayw1]

Originally posted by claire797
I've often toyed with using my Ignore list, but if you're ignoring people, are you fully participating in the BB world around you? What if the person you want to ignore posts a great recipe or (gasp!) actually says something nice about you? Would you really just want to not know?

Just for the sake of discussion (since I happen to agree with you) it's sort of like saying that you aren't fully participating in the society experience if you avoid criminals. (Assuming that someone goes into the 'ignore' list because he or she has shown himself to be a complete and utter jerk.) Hey, some criminals have cooked some good things (just ask Hannibal Lechter) and said some beautiful things (I read a quote attributed to Hitler that was very nice), and if you avoid them you will be depriving yourself of those joys.

Basically, though, I would imagine that the aggravation of having to deal with someone who has shown himself to be a classless twit would far outbalance any possibly positive output he might have.

Just my opinion, and just for the sake of argument since, as I said, I happen to agree with you for the most part. ;)

[b]edited to add:

Welcome Trish (Coralee)!! Please stick around!

[Gail]

Originally posted by claire797


I've often toyed with using my Ignore list, but if you're ignoring people, are you fully participating in the BB world around you? What if the person you want to ignore posts a great recipe or (gasp!) actually says something nice about you? Would you really just want to not know?

First off, you should know that you're asking this of a person who's been known to wrap other people's Christmas presents to me without peeking... :p

Speaking for myself, I can only say someone would really have to be driving me up a tree for me to use that thing. If it were that bad, I suspect missing a recipe wouldn't be an issue. Anyway, I played with it, tried it out and lost interest after I saw how it worked.

[Laura B]

I thought the ignore list would block all threads that the person you are ignoring had posted on. I have never used this feature, but I remember a discussion a long time ago about how it worked. There have rarely been people I wanted to ignore, but when there were I didn't because they could be posting on a thread I would have wanted to read! Maybe I misunderstand the ignore list.

Anyway, I voted on the poll, but don't really have any input on the topic.

[Little Bit]

Originally posted by Kristilyn1 ... I think it is very unfair to comment later or walk away with a grudge if you haven't even sought a further explanation or maybe even an apology if you feel it's warranted.

I so agree with you here!



As far as people who have changed screennames or come here to "make trouble"---I can honestly say that I totally do not think that is true. Unpopular people are often termed "troublemakers". Makes it nice and neat.


Kristi,

I respectfully disagree on this issue. :) I've seen it happen, and not just recently. On this, and other boards. (And if you think THIS board has drama, yikes!)

I have no idea why people bother posting with multiple screen names, except in open fun/lunacy, but I've been friends with some moderators elsewhere, and believe me, it happens, and can be a real problem.

For whatever reason, there ARE people in the world who go to the hassle of creating a username (sometimes several) specifically so they can start threads on outrageous topics, and disrupt an online community and turn civil discussion into something else. There are others who merely delight in provoking gullible people. I think we'd all be wiser not to rise to the bait every time it's offered. (Why give a stranger with peculiar habits the attention they want?)

I find it helpful to remember that our screen names give us a presence in this virtual reality, but they aren't much more than an illusion. I'm not 'really' Little Bit. I have a real name, a real, fudge-laden life, and my presence in these words is only a tiny fraction of who and what I am. If I decided to adopt another screen name in this community, for all that I like to imagine that I'm a reasonably decent writer, I can't help thinking that my casual habits of speech and thought would likely give me away, and that eventually somebody (prone to notice such things) would recognize 'me' even if they never took the trouble to say so. I don't know how much of my true self comes across, but I'm thinking it's likely that 'Little Bit' is an amalgamation of both my best and worst habits, both of thought and speech, and sometimes it makes me uncomfortable to remember some of the things I've said/done/revealed about myself, both directly and between the lines. For all that I don't talk much about the specifics of my life, enough squeaks through that some of you actually remember them, as embarrassing as that might be.
If this community hadn't proved itself time and again to be a generally compassionate place, I wouldn't be here, and I think it's a little sad that others don't have enough experience of the world to realize how extraordinary this CLBB of ours really is.

I hope I'm not on a huge number of 'Ignore' lists, but the way I see it, if I am, the people who've cut Little Bit out of their lives are missing out on more than just some really great recipes (even though I am a good cook). Their loss, and I think it's kind of sad.

HejazSunCat had this quote in her signature line a while back, and I thought I'd mention it here, because I think it's a fabulous thing to remember.

I would rather live in a world where my life is surrounded by mystery than live in a world so small that my mind could comprehend it.

P.S. Remember that these boards move REALLY fast, most normal, healthy people couldn't possibly have free time enough in their lives to READ all these threads, much less respond to them. If you're feeling ignored, cut that out, and go eat some fudge! :) :) We love you and value your input, even when you don't FEEL as though you have anything to offer, or aren't being responded to. Stick around and give us the chance to know you.

P.P.S. The syntax of my posts above tells me that I've been reading far too many eighteenth and nineteenth century novels lately. Long-winded much? Jeepers.

[sneezles]

Originally posted by CORALEE
I have however, found that some people's responses are ignored for the most part or skipped over. It is a little itimidating and as a new poster looking for some friendly conversation (and sometime some exciting not so friendly conversation!!) I often find it hard to break into the group... as is with a few other newcomers I have come into contact with. I have also pm'd some people who have never ever responded or acknowledged it.

Take a look at who posted replies (most are well known posters) to this thread and who didn't. maybe that is where the contraindication comes in.

Trish

i am going to submit before i rethink posting to this so bear with any mistakes.

Trish,
I'm a long time member and post a lot and even I feel I am ignored at times (and when it happens I will usually delete my post). I get my knickers in a twist over it sometimes, have posted how neglected/ignored I have felt, taken my keyboard and left the playground. Only to return again I'm so addicted to this place. Even just last week I posted some recipes for an odd request...they went unacknowledged so I pulled them, it's just my way of dealing with my twisted view of things.
Then there have been times when I've been overwhelmed with responses, support, appreciation...makes me embarrassed about those other times.

I've posted a number of times on this thread but in none of those posts will you find how I voted.

[rosie_one]

If this topic really interests you all (which I think it does by the number of posts here) you should read a book I just finished called "In The Company of Women". It takes a very detailed and well researched look at the relationships that women form and how they can be successfully maintained. The book focuses primarily on workplace relationships, but it can be generalized to a lot of different situations. Here is an amazon link. (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1585421154/002-6530616-8692001?v=glance)

This board is extremely concerned with being equilateral, meaning each person's views are as valuable as the next person's views. If someone steps over that line in either direction (asserting that they are superior or inferior to others), they are not well received. This is a good thing in my mind... very, and I enjoy posting here because of that community belief. Also, most of the people that post here are used to communicating in an indirect way, using more oblique suggestions and constructive criticisms to communicate rather than direct statements. For example "well, I don't see things that way, I would suggest another viewpoint" vs. "I don't think so, I think this..." Feathers get ruffled when a direct minded person speaks out. Context counts here. I found that out in a hurry with my first few posts and mended my ways! Thankfully people were very glad to forgive my newbie errors and let me get on with things.

I don't mean to over-analyze this great board, just a few observations. And no, I personally don't feel excluded here. I don't see cliques, just variety and friendships and some good food ideas.

[wallycat]

Originally posted by sneezles


Trish,
I'm a long time member and post a lot and even I feel I am ignored at times (and when it happens I will usually delete my post). I get my knickers in a twist over it sometimes, have posted how neglected/ignored I have felt, taken my keyboard and left the playground. Only to return again I'm so addicted to this place. Even just last week I posted some recipes for an odd request...they went unacknowledged so I pulled them, it's just my way of dealing with my twisted view of things.
......


I am surprised that you would pull your post if there is no response. Leave it be :)
I can't tell you how many times I've posted a recipe or asked a question and gotten nothing. I've even bumped my own post :o and still no response...and you know what...I leave it. I figure it will evenutally die on its own but maybe some new soul out there will read it and be able to help me.
I've also been lucky to have responses on many other things...so I try not to think it's me (hard to do sometimes) but I know there are times I read a post and either someone has already answered it as I would or I don't know so have nothing to post...
OK, my 2 cents :)

[KimKelly]

Originally posted by CORALEE
Firstly I don't think that the "social" situation is intentional... and in defense of people who are in "high school type cliques" (not me mind you) sometimes the exclusion of others is a misinterpretation of several close knit people who are enjoying each other so much that they dont realize they are discluding others.

I wasn't going to respond to this thread, and now I still don't have to as I think Trish has responded in my like mind. Thanks Trish for phrasing your input far better than I could! :D

Kim

[Little Bit]

Originally posted by sneezles As to the last part of your post...Who gets to eat all that fudge?


* oink *

[Kayaksoup]

Originally posted by wallycat


I am surprised that you would pull your post if there is no response. Leave it be :)

I am going to agree with that comment. I know, I am new and not experienced in the ways of the board, but I love searching and finding a recipe from years ago and using it. I hope I have never ignored recipes/responses. I quite often don't get on the boards for hours on end, even days, so I might miss responses,and I am sure other people do the same.

Being new here, I get a sense of why people might feel there are cliques. When I first started coming around, I felt a little ignored, but I ignored the ignored feeling:)
Now I just post and try not to care wether someone acknowledges me or not:o

[jmarie]

Yes, there certainly are cliques. But when all is said and done, this board is the most fantastic place to come to for help, recipes, ideas, to share joys or just to vent.

Yes, sometimes we nip, sometimes we get our feather's ruffled. But that is rare. But what is not rare is a genuine desire to help, when help is needed and that is what I like about this board.

There are some, well, not some.......there is an extraordinary number of very intelligent, wise, people on this board. And when everyone comes together to help someone in a dilema, it is awesome.

This board os an awesome place. And I want to thank everyone who has ever reached out to me in my pain, shared in my joys, giving me a place to brag, or just helped me solve a problem. I have even found out things for other people from this board. Someone will ask me something, I don't know what to tell them, so i come to you and it never fails that someone will come up with the answer we need.

And I have offended, too. And for that I am truly sorry. Sometimes I am guilty of speaking before I think, but you all keep me straight!:D
joyce
edited to say:
I do believe that warm personal friendships can evolve, here. If I can make a friend by selling a bowl to someone on eBay, and she drive all the way from Texas to meet me,two years later, then everyone on this board can and a lot do the same thing. So, for those of you who think it can't happen, it does. And when it does, the involved parties are always glad to come back and tell us all about it, most of the time with pictures!
So, yeah, this is a really great place.

[Kerri]

I wasn't going to respond, but I picked the last option (don't post much because of cliques) and I feel like I need to clarify. My husband was talking to me while I was reading it, so maybe I did not consider my answer all that well. I have always considered this BB as such a valuable resource and will have been a member for 4 years this June. Has it really been that long? I do not post as often for several reasons one being I am not on the computer as much as I used to be. The other though is that I do feel a bit left out. If I have a question and I ask, I don't always get much response. I feel that if I was a more "popular" poster, I would have gotten more feedback. I do understand because I haven't really put all that much of myself out there so I can't really expect to receieve all the same benefits of the people who do. Its also that this board really moves to fast for me to keep up and post with any sort of intelligence. I try to keep from posting on the other stuff board and stay out of emotional discussions (I don't even know what ya'll are talking about with snippy comments and deleted posts, although I was there when they happened in the past. I just wanted to let it be known that is not what I meant with my reply to the poll). I'll post on the runner's thread or good food board only if I have something new to share. I do feel bad that I take so much from this board that I am never able to give back. I'll keep trying though!

[Angelina]

Even though I registered a long time ago, I have not posted for a very long time. So I am basically a newbie! That said, I do not believe there are cliques. Just friendships that have evolved over the years.

However, if I felt there were cliques, I would think they would probably exist in my mind only, more than anything else. Everyone here is smart, warm and caring. I mean...let's say the Card swap thing, which I completely missed anyway. If I had seen it and felt left out, I would have posted and asked in a polite way what it was all about. I am sure someone would answered me and clarified things.

Cliques are closed entities, hard to get into. I don't believe there is anything here that excludes people. Who is going to say "Scram!" to a potential new friend? And if someone gets rude with you, stand your ground and nicely ask for an explanation. Most likely, it was all a misunderstanding. :)

Angelina
_____________

Proud Team Leader with www.nycares.org

[kima]

Originally posted by valchemist
[B]



Hey, Maureen, you don't have to be sorry. :) The numbers on the poll show that this was a reasonable question to ask.



I am glad this thread gave people, especially newcomers, a chance to share their views and feelings.

[Kristilyn1]

Originally posted by Little Bit


I respectfully disagree on this issue. :) I've seen it happen, and not just recently. On this, and other boards. (And if you think THIS board has drama, yikes!)

I have no idea why people bother posting with multiple screen names, except in open fun/lunacy, but I've been friends with some moderators elsewhere, and believe me, it happens, and can be a real problem.

For whatever reason, there ARE people in the world who go to the hassle of creating a username (sometimes several) specifically so they can start threads on outrageous topics, and disrupt an online community and turn civil discussion into something else. There are others who merely delight in provoking gullible people. I think we'd all be wiser not to rise to the bait every time it's offered. (Why give a stranger with peculiar habits the attention they want?)



Oh, I've been on MANY boards where people do this---but the couple times I've seen people saying that they think someone is causing trouble to cause trouble on HERE, I haven't seen it that way. There are many discussions I miss---so maybe I've missed it, but I have been on here for quite a long time.....so let's just say I'm still skeptical, at least on THIS board. But, I'm happy to agree to disagree.

Kristi

[greysangel]

just to add another tidbit...the PM frenzy is something I've never been involved in and I'm a long time member of the board (with the exception of the cookbook nominations!). I guess that's why I do see there being sort of clique like behavior with certain members. But again, I think it's bound to happen...particularly where the scales are tipped on the estrogen/lunar side :) I guess that's why I don't have a lot of RL female friends!

JeAnne

[SandyM]

Originally posted by greysangel
just to add another tidbit...the PM frenzy is something I've never been involved in and I'm a long time member of the board (with the exception of the cookbook nominations!). I guess that's why I do see there being sort of clique like behavior with certain members. But again, I think it's bound to happen...particularly where the scales are tipped on the estrogen/lunar side :) I guess that's why I don't have a lot of RL female friends!

JeAnne

Just a question - do you send PMs yourself?

[valchemist]

JeAnne is really good about checking her pm's and responding. I have sent her pm's in the past (various questions) and have always heard back from her promptly. :)

some new people, on the other hand, should learn to check their pm's... hint hint!! ;)

[SandyM]

Originally posted by valchemist
JeAnne is really good about checking her pm's and responding. I have sent her pm's in the past (various questions) and have always heard back from her promptly. :)

Oh I have too, Val. I guess it was too a vague question. :rolleyes: ;) :D

I guess my point is, if one doesn't receive PM's, perhaps it's because one doesn't send them. Or doesn't send them often. Or maybe just doesn't want to be bothered. ;)

This isn't a thinly-veiled attempt at pointing out one specific person, by the way. Just so you know. :D

[yorkshirepud]

Originally posted by valchemist


some new people, on the other hand, should learn to check their pm's... hint hint!! ;)

If this is the case for newer people, you may want to post a 'read your pm's' thread. I know that when I first came to the boards, I had no clue such a thing existed (at least here). It wasn't until Natasha posted a 'Yorkshirepud, check your PMs' that I clued it.

:)

[claire797]

Hmmmmm. I wish there was a way to get around posting the "Hey Sally! Clean up your inbox!" threads. I've done it myself, but hate doing it and don't particularly like having my name in lights when I receive a PM.. Still, what options are there if you don't know the person's email address or need to ask them a question?

It does get kind of sticky when there's a controversial thread on deck and people are posting these notices which indicates there might be a side conversation going on that only they are privy to it. Not that it's wrong to have PMs. In fact, a lot of stuff on the board belongs in PMs, but the "Clean up your inbox!" can get obnoxious.

[greysangel]

I do get private messages and respond...i guess i just don't get in on a lot of the other stuff threads where the pm flurries go back and forth. I think there was one thread regarding gastric bypass surgery where I vehemently argued against it for teenagers and someone got all offended. I did get a few pm's sort of telling me not to worry etc... but that was the only time I can really remember. Again, I don't have a problem with it, but look at the poll answers...it's definitely there. :) I guess most that say there are will not post because they don't really want to have to justify or defend their feelings/answer. I'm "popular" enough that people won't stop talking to me just because I happen to think that cliquish behavior happens from time to time. I just try to stay out of threads that are going in a nasty direction, or pop in if I agree with someone who is in the minority just to give them support.

J

[ellielk]

I clicked on "yes, and it bothers me a little." I don't post frequently but have, on at least one occasion, started a thread to ask a question and had the thread 'hijacked' by members who don't answer the question but begin their own conversation causing the thread to veer in a different direction. Something on the order of: Thread question: Can I get suggestions on a hand mixer? Reply: I was going to get a mixer but I bought a blender instead. And then the rest of the posts are about blenders.

That said, I mainly use this board to check recipe reviews or find recipe suggestions so although the cliques bother me a little, if they start getting to me, I browse elsewhere (or do some work) and come back later. As it's been said, these boards move very fast.

[ellery]

See, now I'm wondering. How does one know if they're popular? How does one know that they're part of a clique? Do we get emails letting us know if we are or are not popular? Who decides? Is there a secret underground group that runs things (the CL Mafia, tee hee!) and makes these decisions?

I want to be one of the cool kids!!!!!

;)

Leah

[fci5767]

Originally posted by ellielk
I clicked on "yes, and it bothers me a little." I don't post frequently but have, on at least one occasion, started a thread to ask a question and had the thread 'hijacked' by members who don't answer the question but begin their own conversation causing the thread to veer in a different direction. Something on the order of: Thread question: Can I get suggestions on a hand mixer? Reply: I was going to get a mixer but I bought a blender instead. And then the rest of the posts are about blenders.

I don't see that as being clique-ish. That's what typically happens in every meeting that I attend at work. It's easy to get sidetracked by something someone says. I don't see it as intentional, although it can be frustrating if something needs to be accomplished (or you need an answer to a question.)

Beth

[greysangel]

Leah - In my use of popular...I was purely meaning number of posts/length of time here.

j

[lorilei]

Part of me wanted to stay out of this discussion altogether. But another portion of me just wants to make a statement. So, here I go.

Whether we call them cliques ... or friendships ... or groups ... or whatever, I DO think that such things exist on these boards. It's almost inevitable to guard against, considering the generally friendly nature of our posters.

Considering that this is a public forum, however, it doesn't surprise me that some of the behaviors/comments and such are perceived negatively by outsiders. And even though this community is ONLINE, some of the same dynamics exist here that would exist IRL. It's an uncomfortable thing to walk into a situation where everyone seems to know everyone, except for you. We've all been there -- and it can be tough... especially if the preexisting group prejudges the newcomer OR IS PERCEIVED to have done so.

Personally, I don't pay attention to most of the "cliquish" behavior. It doesn't bother me. But I've also been around here for a long time. I don't know what it's like to be a newcomer, or to be someone who is returning to the boards after being shunned.

I do know that, just like IRL, comments are sometimes made here that (accidentally or not) hurt others feelings. That's part of life. I just think that we, as a BB community, need to be sensitive. We need to recognize that our actions/responses can be misread. We can't keep creating situations that make us appear as if we harbor/promote groups who GANG UP ON other people. And we need to attempt to be truly caring, welcoming people. Even if we don't always like or agree with the others in our midst.

That's just MHO in light of recent events. I do like these boards, and I believe there are some wonderful people here. I also think that the fact that there are some fond friendships here is a good thing. But we need to be more careful. It bothers me that I see things that are so unpleasant around here... and I'd love it if that would change.

[ellery]

Originally posted by greysangel
Leah - In my use of popular...I was purely meaning number of posts/length of time here.

j

Danged email. You couldn't see my tongue thrust firmly in my cheek.

;)

Leah

[greysangel]

Originally posted by lorilei

I do know that, just like IRL, comments are sometimes made here that (accidentally or not) hurt others feelings. That's part of life. I just think that we, as a BB community, need to be sensitive. We need to recognize that our actions/responses can be misread. We can't keep creating situations that make us appear as if we harbor/promote groups who GANG UP ON other people. And we need to attempt to be truly caring, welcoming people. Even if we don't always like or agree with the others in our midst.

That's just MHO in light of recent events. I do like these boards, and I believe there are some wonderful people here. I also think that the fact that there are some fond friendships here is a good thing. But we need to be more careful.

very well written Lorilei :)

j

[lindrusso]

Originally posted by ellery


Danged email. You couldn't see my tongue thrust firmly in my cheek.

;)

Leah

I saw it, I saw it. :D

And yes, thank you Lori.

Alysha

[Molli526]

Originally posted by ellery
the CL Mafia

Leah-

I have heard about the illustrious CL mafia. Way beyond Tony Soprano and his group. Wouldn't want to get mixed up with that crowd. Uh-uh. Best you forget you ever brought it up :p

[JenniferJJ]

I think there are some cliques and it bothers me occasionally. ABut that is the way it is in real life for me, too. I never have been and probably never will be one of the "popular" people in a group. That's just the way it is. Actually right now, there is a group of my co-workers that sit immediately around me that are at lunch together. I have been invited to lunch once in 9 months. It's kind of a bummer. However, even though I have never fit in in a group, I have a lot of 1:1 friends IRL. I have thought that if I ever get married, I will probably have a lot of people there who don't know each other. On this BB, I have a handful of people that I have never met that I correspond with on a regular basis, either by PM or email or both and would consider them friends more that just fellow BB posters.

[DmOrtega]

... that even though I don't feel like part of the group, I do enjoy participating on this bb. I have never felt that anyone has been rude or disrespectful and have been given some very useful advice, not to mention the thousands of recipes and ideas that are being shared. The way I cook has greatly improved. The way I view life has been influenced by the many arguments on lots of subjects. Many I would never have talked about IRL, just because the opportunity to discuss them has never come up. The only way this is possible is because everyone here, new or old, frequent poster or not, has been willing to share. So, until I no longer feel that this bb has anything to offer, I will still hang around. I might be around for quite a while. ;)

Thank You All, for sharing so much.

[Kayaksoup]

Jennifer, you sound a lot like me. I am a solitary individual IRL, not necessarily by choice, I just don't have the confidence to put myself out there. And I feel the same here. If I post something in a thread and feel ignored, I won't try again with the same conversation. If people don't feel like responding to me, that's fine. I do tend to say pretty irrelavant things:p I won't deny that my feelings get hurt on occaision, but i usually come to my senses..:D

Ooh, and on ignore lists... I tried it once, just to see what it was like. Very creepy.

[ellery]

Originally posted by Molli526


Leah-

I have heard about the illustrious CL mafia. Way beyond Tony Soprano and his group. Wouldn't want to get mixed up with that crowd. Uh-uh. Best you forget you ever brought it up :p

Too funny! I wonder if their punishment is cutting out tongues (best found in cheeks) so that the offending party is thereafter unable to taste any of the yummy recipes posted.

And now I'm guessing that posting a poll to find out if I'm popular or not would be a bad idea? Shucks.

Uh oh. Sorry to hijack the thread with irrelevancy/ irreverancy. Too many tootsie roll pops today have made me punchy and irrelevant (AND irreverent). You may remove my tongue from my cheek now.

:rolleyes:

Leah

[claire797]

Originally posted by beejayw1


Just for the sake of discussion (since I happen to agree with you) it's sort of like saying that you aren't fully participating in the society experience if you avoid criminals. (Assuming that someone goes into the 'ignore' list because he or she has shown himself to be a complete and utter jerk.)


I don't know. If you igore criminals or the fact that they exist, then you're living in a fantasy world. I suppose you *could* liken a complete and utter board jerk to a criminal, but that jerk would have to swear, post spam or do stuff which Jennifer would moderate anyway.

But back to the topic, I'm glad people are venting. At this point, everyone seems to be saying the same thing. Hopefully, we will be a little more sensitive around here.

[jmarie]

What is IRL...In real life? Just checking to be sure.

[claire797]

Originally posted by jmarie
What is IRL...In real life? Just checking to be sure.

You got it!

[colleency]

I was tempted not to post a reply, because so many people have already said what I feel. I often don't say anything on a thread if I feel the topic has been well covered.

But then I figured I'd let it be known where I, personally, stand.

Nope. I don't think it's cliquish. I do not feel that the "exclusionary" part of the definition has been met.

Sure, there are friendships. I'm not always going to be friends with every person. But I have always been welcomed on threads, even the klatch thread, where I always post late and I can never remember anyone's name. I always seem to be forgiven. :)

I've posted threads that I have gotten few, if any, responses on. I chalk that up to posting on a weekend, or lack of interest in the subject. Everyone can't post to every thread.

Maybe I just have tough skin from not being popular in jr high and high school. In my adult life, I have been lucky enough to surround myself with people that have similar interests to me. It took me a long time to figure out that not everybody is going to like me. (Especially when you consider how long-winded I am. ;) )

I have so enjoyed the bulletin board and all it's people!

Thank you all!

PS. Jeanne, I keep meaning to tell you that your avatar is absolutely adorable. I just want to grab that little dog and give it a big hug. This is not meant to exclude anyone else's cute puppy. :p

[colleency]

Ok. So after I post that I think the puppy is cute, then I notice the "why are there so many pet threads" thread! :rolleyes: :D :D

[beejayw1]

Originally posted by claire797
I don't know. If you igore criminals or the fact that they exist, then you're living in a fantasy world.

Oh, come now. There's a difference between choosing not to hang out with a criminal and ignoring their existence.

There are people whose tones of mind are not nice, whose attitudes are snippish or aggressive, and 'ignoring' them could save a lot of wear and tear on the nerves. That's why, I gather, some folks use the 'ignore' feature.

[HDgirl]

Originally posted by beejayw1
'ignoring' them could save a lot of wear and tear on the nerves.


I get that....like when I ignore my brother's wife! :)

[Grace]

I was going to stay far, far away from this discussion, but the only thing I want to add (other than that I agree completely with everything JeAnne has said), is there is a difference between people who have formed lovely friendships with those they have something in common, and those who have formed "cliques". To me, cliques are those groups of people who sometimes gang up on one person with whom they don't agree, or PM one another with cattiness about such people behind their backs. I do believe that groups like that exist on this board. But I would never in a hundred years want to be a part of them (so I don't feel left out, which is how some people have described themselves feeling), and in reality, I don't care a fig about what some nitwits in the virtual world think, I can just ignore them, and continue to get from this board the many more wonderful things it has to offer (for which I came in the first place).

I come here first and foremost for the wealth of information to be had on practically every subject imaginable. If I should form a friendship or two while I'm here all the better. But I do not come here looking for my social life as the main goal (nor do I think most others here do either). But if a group of people want to act like those high school girls you remember that used to stand together in the corner whispering, pointing and laughing at the girl they don't like (which is my definition of a clique), they've got much worse problems than I or the person to whom their meanness is directed.

And I agree with Beejay - it is for those people who are hard on the nerves that the ignore feature is for.

[claire797]

Originally posted by beejayw1


Oh, come now. There's a difference between choosing not to hang out with a criminal and ignoring their existence.

There are people whose tones of mind are not nice, whose attitudes are snippish or aggressive, and 'ignoring' them could save a lot of wear and tear on the nerves. That's why, I gather, some folks use the 'ignore' feature.

I'm still a little befuddled by the criminal analogy because I just can't equate even snippish and aggressive behavior with criminal behavior. The analogy is just not working for me. Sorry.

But that's really a topic for the "Ignore" feature thread, and we have plenty of those we can dig up if we want to discuss this further. Frankly, neither you nor I use our ignore feature so what's the point in debating it? At least not in the clique thread.

[LHBryan]

I voted no clicks, just close friendships.

I rarely post (am trying to be better about that!), but lurk quite a bit.:o In my limited experience, the BB is a very warm, welcoming place. It never occurred to me to think of this community as clique-ish, but I guess I see how it may be perceived that way. IMHO, it's only natural that close friendships would develop among those who have similar interests and who are around more often to "chat" with other BBers through posting, PMs, etc. I wouldn't expect that sort of comraderie to develop quickly, as those who have many, many posts and close relationships with others on the BB have invested a lot of time to being an active member of this community.

I, personally, have never felt excluded as a newbie on the BB ... but I may be envious of the fun and friendship! ;) I always tell DH what an extraordinary, friendly group of people you are and how I should post more often!

-Laura

[beejayw1]

Originally posted by claire797
Frankly, neither you nor I use our ignore feature so what's the point in debating it? At least not in the clique thread.

So why bring it up again in your post? ;)

Which reminds me (sort of) the gorgeous kitty in your avatar: Tabby? Brown or silver? (I've got one at home)

[claire797]

Originally posted by beejayw1


So why bring it up again in your post? ;)

Which reminds me (sort of) the gorgeous kitty in your avatar: Tabby? Brown or silver? (I've got one at home)

I have a bad habit of hi-jacking and I'm trying to stop that ;).

Thank you for commenting on my cat. He's a silver tabby who thinks he's a dog.

Whoops! Hijack!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:D There I go again.

[beejayw1]

Originally posted by claire797
I have a bad habit of hi-jacking and I'm trying to stop that ;).

Thank you for commenting on my cat. He's a silver tabby who thinks he's a dog.

Whoops! Hijack!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:D There I go again.

Oops! Me, too! He's gorgeous, though!

To get away from the hijack, I forgot to comment on cliques:

I think any group of people who know each other tend to be a little...reserved...toward newcomers until the newbies show themselves to be OK. This is very normal, and I encounter it all the time in situations where I am the newbie.

I don't think the sort of 'cliques' where others are frozen out or treated with hostility exist on this bulletin board, and when I see a situation where someone has been clobbered, it's usually for overstepping the bounds of politeness, whether by flaming someone or by saying something belittling or outrageous.

As others have said, this is a pretty nice group, all told.

[The O Man]

Originally posted by colleency
This is not meant to exclude anyone else's cute puppy. :p

I'll have you know I'm the cutest puppy on this here BB. :D :D :D :p

Otis,
Gotta be quick before mom finds my new computer....

[lindrusso]

Originally posted by The O Man
I'll have you know I'm the cutest puppy on this here BB. :D :D :D :p
Otis,
Gotta be quick before mom finds my new computer....

Okay, Otis, I just gotta ask - what is your avatar???? I just cannot figure it out! It looks like some strange phallic-shaped water bottle or container or.....I don't know what it looks like!

Just curious...... :D

[The O Man]

Originally posted by lindrusso
Okay, Otis, I just gotta ask - what is your avatar???? I just cannot figure it out! It looks like some strange phallic-shaped water bottle or container or.....

urinal!

You were close, real close. Dad= collects antique ones and I found this one in a picture Mom posted on the BB a while ago. :D :D :D

Otis

[bmonczka]

Not to get away from all the pet talk;) ... I haven't posted in awhile but not due to anyone or anything on the board. I got very addicted to this board this summer (teacher, lots of summer time:D) and find I have no time now! I lurked for a long time before joining but felt pretty welcome when I finally did. Especially when posting about abbreviations that I had no idea what people were talking about.

Occasionally I think that "popular" posters can start to talk around someone who joins into a thread. I don't think it's intentional but that's probably where the hi-jacking comes in and then the newbie is left in the cold with no familiarism to join in

I've posted very few threads and had everything from no response to so-so but I usually get pretty good info back.

I think the bb can be exclusive as far as private jokes or familiar conversation between members interweaved in to a thread but it doesn't bother me. Sometimes I wish I could join in but as someone mentioned before (I have no idea how to quote!) there is sort of a hierarchy which I think comes from the number of posts you have accumulated under your screen name. Not a bad thing just a little intimidating at times. I often wonder if people stay on this board 8 hours at a time to accumualte the thousands of posts they have! It feels like it took me forever to hit 100!

Anyways, enough said :) Thanks for always sharing and giving great info.:)

[lindrusso]

Originally posted by The O Man
urinal!

You were close, real close. Dad= collects antique ones and I found this one in a picture Mom posted on the BB a while ago. :D :D :D

Otis

Whew! So it's NOT just my eyes or my warped mind! :D

[valchemist]

Originally posted by bmonczka
Sometimes I wish I could join in but as someone mentioned before (I have no idea how to quote!) there is sort of a hierarchy which I think comes from the number of posts you have accumulated under your screen name.

see that little quote button in the lower right hand corner of people's posts? that's how you do a quote. :)

try quoting me for practice. I don't care if you hijack my thread by doing it. ;)

[bmonczka]

Originally posted by valchemist



try quoting me for practice. I don't care if you hijack my thread by doing it. ;)

Thanks:) We'll see if this works, I tried to delete what I didn't want to quote. Here goes....

[lindrusso]

Originally posted by bmonczka
there is sort of a hierarchy which I think comes from the number of posts you have accumulated under your screen name.

I don't think it's a hierarchy really. Just like relationships in real life, those who know each other better are going to be more comfortable around each other and more accepting of each other than of those they don't know as well.

If you were at a party and did not know anyone there, would you feel comfortable walking up to someone, cracking a few jokes and slapping them on the back like old friends? Probably not. Would they feel comfortable on the receiving end? Probably not.

I think it's pretty similar here. I do think you need to put in a bit of time to get to know everyone, but that's true almost in any relationship. As a newcomer, it may well take a while to get to the same level of familiarity as everyone who has been here for quite a while, but there is always a slightly awkward stage in any friendship (even it it's just an acquaintance) where you are feeling one another out - learning what sense of humor they might have, what kind of personality they have, etc.

I think most everyone here does a pretty good job of making newcomers feel welcome, but that is also a two-way street. As much as those of us who have been here for a while should maybe make people feel welcome, newcomers also need to realize those who give the most are generally the ones who also receive. You can't just walk into a room full of strangers and expect everyone else to do the ALL work for you - you need to make some effort too.

Alysha :)

[bmonczka]

Absolutely fascinating! A whole new bb world had opened up...

I thank you kindly valchemist:D I had noticed that little button but was afraid to click it for fear I would deconstruct something or blow up the whole bb:p next thing I'll be on to an avatar.

[Kathy B]

Thanks for asking the question, bmonzcka, and for the instructions, Val. I have always tried to use the Quote box at the top of the new post box, and it never looked the same as most peoples, plus I couldn't figure out how to credit the person I was quoting.

I have followed this thread since it started, and I think pretty much everything has been said. I think it was good to bring it up, as it will probably make all of us a little more aware of how we respond (or not) to other people, and how things might be perceived.

This same issue comes up occasionally at work, and it usually boils down to the fact that no one INTENDS any slights or snips at anyone, and people are often surprised to learn how they come across to others. It always leaves us with a resolve to be even more open and welcoming to new people than we already thought we were being...which is never a bad thing.

[Kathy B]

When you figure out the avatar, bmonczka, could you send me a pm and explain it to me, too??? I just found out a few days ago that I could not receive pm's as I had it turned off! It's on now!:D

[tbb113]

Originally posted by bmonczka
next thing I'll be on to an avatar.

Just don't believe CL when the tell you that you can use an avatar on your C drive. Won't work!

[valchemist]

Originally posted by bmonczka
I had noticed that little button but was afraid to click it for fear I would deconstruct something or blow up the whole bb:p

LOL thanks for the laugh.

and you're welcome.

[bmonczka]

Originally posted by Kathy B
When you figure out the avatar, bmonczka, could you send me a pm and explain it to me, too??? I just found out a few days ago that I could not receive pm's as I had it turned off! It's on now!:D

man..do I have a lot to figure out! I'll have to learn how to send a PM:) It might take me awhile Kathy B (don't feel ignored in the meantime)!

[valchemist]

Originally posted by bmonczka


man..do I have a lot to figure out! I'll have to learn how to send a PM:) It might take me awhile Kathy B (don't feel ignored in the meantime)!

I vote that you and kathy exchange pm's to get the feel of it!

[Cookin4Love]

Anyone ever notice that PM is just one letter short of PMS? :D Perhaps that explains some of the regrettable ones that fly back and forth sometimes. :p

[colleency]

It's too bad there isn't a faq for newbies. Wouldn't it be nice to be able to go to one spot to get:

quoting
font size/color
how to post a picture
how to post a link
how to use an avatar
ettiquette
how to search

I'm sure there are more things that I've forgotten.

[tbb113]

Originally posted by colleency
It's too bad there isn't a faq for newbies. Wouldn't it be nice to be able to go to one spot to get:

quoting
font size/color
how to post a picture
how to post a link
how to use an avatar
ettiquette
how to search

I'm sure there are more things that I've forgotten.

I started a thread just for this today located here (http://community.cookinglight.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=53476)

Please feel free to post questions and answers (if you know them)...

[Gail]

Originally posted by colleency
It's too bad there isn't a faq for newbies. Wouldn't it be nice to be able to go to one spot to get:

quoting
font size/color
how to post a picture
how to post a link
how to use an avatar
ettiquette
how to search

I'm sure there are more things that I've forgotten.

We did have something of this sort, though not this detailed (Called Helpful Information for New Members) on our former server which was accessed at the top of each page via a link. When we changed servers, there were plans to revamp the FAQ to include a lot more of this stuff, but that was a couple of years ago, and perhaps its gone to that great drawing board in the sky.

Insofar as Tyra's thread goes, I'm thinking that if you get enough takers you might want to bring it to the attention of Jennifer, and ask if she can put a sticky on the page, so that the thread is always on the top.

[phantomcg]

Originally posted by lindrusso


I don't think it's a hierarchy really. Just like relationships in real life, those who know each other better are going to be more comfortable around each other and more accepting of each other than of those they don't know as well.

If you were at a party and did not know anyone there, would you feel comfortable walking up to someone, cracking a few jokes and slapping them on the back like old friends? Probably not. Would they feel comfortable on the receiving end? Probably not.

I think it's pretty similar here. I do think you need to put in a bit of time to get to know everyone, but that's true almost in any relationship. As a newcomer, it may well take a while to get to the same level of familiarity as everyone who has been here for quite a while, but there is always a slightly awkward stage in any friendship (even it it's just an acquaintance) where you are feeling one another out - learning what sense of humor they might have, what kind of personality they have, etc.

I think most everyone here does a pretty good job of making newcomers feel welcome, but that is also a two-way street. As much as those of us who have been here for a while should maybe make people feel welcome, newcomers also need to realize those who give the most are generally the ones who also receive. You can't just walk into a room full of strangers and expect everyone else to do the ALL work for you - you need to make some effort too.

Alysha :)

I agree with everything that Alysha said - only she said it much better than I could! I've been around the boards for quite some time and have met quite a few of our members IRL. I'll admit that I pay a bit more attention to the post of some people (some whom I've met and some who I have not met). I don't post a lot because by the time I get to a thread whatever I would have said has already been posted and, yes, I've had posts/threads that have attracted little or no attention - I just figure that's part of life. I believe that these boards are what you make of them for yourself - and each individuals personality is going to play a big part in that.

As to answering the original question - I don't think that there are cliques on the board - mainly because, to me, cliques are a very negative and hurtful thing. Yes, there are friendships that have developed amoung people and, yes, these friendships often include inside jokes and other comments that others may not "get". But I think this also happens IRL with any group of people.

Anyways, that's just my two cents.

Cheryl

[MKSquared]

OK, I'm not going to sugar-coat how I feel. :) A clique, to me, implies a group mentality, where its members don't make decisions for themselves, but rather, just follow the leader. It's no secret that some people on this board are closer than others. I've definitely made friends on here, and I haven't met all of them IRL. But you know what? I'll admit it: There are people on this board that I just don't like, that I don't HAVE to like. But I made that decision ON MY OWN, based on posters' attitudes. My ideas about someone can change, too, just as someone's attitude can change. And some days, I'm nicer than others - I'm human.

I hope that other people can relate to that - Grrr. :D

[HejazSunKat]

Originally posted by SandyM
I guess my point is, if one doesn't receive PM's, perhaps it's because one doesn't send them.

I'm living in a boring place and doing a boring job everyday so I spend a lot of time here and I post a fair amount yet I've felt excluded/ignored from time to time too so I don't think there is a 'hierarchy' determining your popularity based exclusively on how long you've been here and how many posts you have. I've discovered though that the more I reach out to people the more included I feel. I used to think that I shouldn't bother people by sending PM's but I've received a few nice messages from people commenting on things I've posted so I've started sending PM's when someone says something that resonates with me and I've felt far more at home here as a result. Everybody wants to feel that what they say counts but I think just posting on the board isn't always enough no matter how long you stick around or how often you post. Sometimes you've got to make more of an effort. If you want a glass of milk you can't sit on a stool in the middle of a field and wait for a cow to back up to you. (Ok, I can't take credit for that, I read it somewhere, but I've always liked it). :D

[CORALEE]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by lindrusso


[b]If you were at a party and did not know anyone there, would you feel comfortable walking up to someone, cracking a few jokes and slapping them on the back like old friends? Probably not. Would they feel comfortable on the receiving end? Probably not.



Well said lindrusso... however on the hypothetical scene:

If you were at a party and a new person walked into the room with you and all your friends, would you think it inviting to start telling "oh, you had to be there stories" or "inside jokes"?


I agree in that new comers need to include themselves and give it some time to "get to know everyone". This situation is so different than IRL because a lurker can get to know everyone rather well without letting themselves be known at all. Maybe there is a comfort level on the "lurkers" part that just isn't there on the other end becuase no knows who they are....

[HejazSunKat]

Originally posted by CORALEE
however on the hypothetical scene:

If you were at a party and a new person walked into the room with you and all your friends, would you think it inviting to start telling "oh, you had to be there stories" or "inside jokes"?


Certainly that is rude however in terms of applying your hypothetical example to the BB there are alot of people who simply don't have time to hang out here frequently due to their other obligations so when they do come it's like they are walking into the middle of a conversation. I think all the infrequent visitor would have to do is ask "What are you referring to?" and someone who spends more time here and knows what's being talked about would be happy to fill them in.

[claire797]

Originally posted by HejazSunKat


I'm living in a boring place and doing a boring job everyday so I spend a lot of time here and I post a fair amount yet I've felt excluded/ignored from time to time too so I don't think there is a 'hierarchy' determining your popularity based exclusively on how long you've been here and how many posts you have.

Agreed! There are a few long-time posters who get publicly chastised by mean-spirited hypocritical half-wits and then pecked on by others for making any sort of statement outside the realm of cooking.
So the whole "hierarchy based on seniority" theory doesn't hold much water.

[kwormann]

Originally posted by claire797


Agreed! There are a few long-time posters who get publicly chastised by mean-spirited hypocritical half-wits and then pecked on by others for making any sort of statement outside the realm of cooking.
So the whole "hierarchy based on seniority" theory doesn't hold much water.

Agreed...altho I recently sent a PM to someone who had been picked on...showing support..and got no repsonse what-so-ever... :(

Ive been here a very long time and my posts frequently are ignored, so there definately isnt any truth to the senority theory!

[claire797]

Originally posted by kwormann


Agreed...altho I recently sent a PM to someone who had been picked on...showing support..and got no repsonse what-so-ever... :(

That's just tacky. I never ignore PMs and if someone disagrees with what I have to say, I welcome an argument or resolution via PM.

I had a similar experience on another board in which I revealed some very personal information. It was a show of support to a person with a medical condition. After getting no response for a month, I felt embarrased and stupid for sending it. Then again, maybe the person was just bombarded with supportive PMs. Who knows.

[tbb113]

Please remember that not everyone REALIZES that they have a pm. I am notified most...but not all of the time. Just like most of the time I get email updates, and most of the time the board bumps the posts, and most of the time it positions you correctly :rolleyes:

[claire797]

Originally posted by tbb113
Please remember that not everyone REALIZES that they have a pm. I am notified most...but not all of the time. Just like most of the time I get email updates, and most of the time the board bumps the posts, and most of the time it positions you correctly :rolleyes:

That is so true. Always track your PM before you get miffed.

[JHolcomb]

Originally posted by tbb113
Please remember that not everyone REALIZES that they have a pm. I am notified most...but not all of the time. Just like most of the time I get email updates, and most of the time the board bumps the posts, and most of the time it positions you correctly :rolleyes:

Happens to me from time to time, too. Sometimes I mean to respond and just forget...but I never, ever mean it in a mean way.

[kwormann]

Originally posted by claire797


That is so true. Always track your PM before you get miffed.

I did. She read it.

[fci5767]

Originally posted by tbb113
Please remember that not everyone REALIZES that they have a pm. I am notified most...but not all of the time. Just like most of the time I get email updates, and most of the time the board bumps the posts, and most of the time it positions you correctly :rolleyes:

I haven't gotten PM notices in a long time...or e-mail updates to threads, etc.

Poor Laura B has been PMing me and I have to remember to check frequently. At this rate, we will never have lunch before she moves.

[boisewinesnob]

Originally posted by kwormann


I did. She read it.

As I stated earlier on this thread, same thing happened to me. And I'm not talking about when you send PMs back and forth...of course I understand that has to end at some point :) . I had 3 different people get and read PMs from me and never acknowledged them :( . Of course, they were not people I "know" very well, but I would still never do that to someone because I wouldn't want anyone else to feel that way.


PS: isn't wasn't you, Diana!

[JenniferJJ]

Suzy-
Love your new avatar. Is that a Pacific Northwest wine brand?

[DebGo]

you guys are making me panic about pm's! i only recently learned how to check them and i only remember on occassion to look and see. my theory is noone pm's me anyway -- that's okay though (i'm not looking for anyone to feel badly, nor to receive pm's :D ). i only want you to see how they could be overlooked. in my box it shows that i have received 2 pm's in the past....but i'm certain i never read them. where did they go (do they just drop off after a certain time limit???). anyway to received an email and not acknowledge... that's just plain bad manners. even if it's a simple "thank you for your note". i just hope i'm not on anyones "never acknowledged a pm" list. :confused:
debbie

[tbb113]

The 'pm' box only shows the last 10 days. You need to open the time frame to say 'from the beginning' or something like that....

[mst]

Overall, I usually am surprised by how supported I feel on this board. I mostly lurk, but do come out to post something that I strongly believe in. And, it probably is usually a bit controversial- I don't usually take the time to write a note that agrees with everyone else! Everyone has been very respectful of me, and I don't *think* I am on anyone's ignore list!

For me, the threads move to quickly for me to track who says what. I usually just read the content of the thread, rarely thinking too much about the author.

That being said, I had a very nice experience when I first joined the boards. There was a NE Klatch, and I was apprehensive about whether I was REALLY welcome because I was a newbie. Everyone was SO unbelievably nice, letting me know that I REALLY was welcome.

So, can I vote that I don't pay enough attention to whether or not there are cliques?

[Gail]

I will agree that in most cases not acknowledging a PM seems rude. I say seems, because nothing is ever black and white, and there are often extenuating circumstances.

Certainly, it's nice when someone takes a moment to acknowledge when you've sent a message (unless it's a nasty one.) But, I'm wondering whether sometimes people simply don't feel the need to respond, just as some people find thank-you notes unnecessary? Perhaps they're not intentionally snubbing someone, rather they're a little lacking in the social graces? Perhaps they're intimated. Maybe they simply don't know what to say.

I can't profess to be able to get inside anyone else's head (which would likely be very uncomfortable anyway.) Often, other thought processes are so alien to me, it never would occur to me to reach conclusions other people have reached nor can I get even remotely close to their points of view. The only things we can do, I think, is to try to keep giving people the benefit of the doubt before forming hasty conclusions.

I have read SO MANY differing perceptions in these past pages, so many people to whom I want to say "Well, didn't it ever occur to you that maybe..." And of course it doesn't, because we're all wired differently, and because MY perception isn't any more right than anyone else's, and because it just isn't possible for us all to view things in the same light.

[sneezles]

Originally posted by Cookin4Love
Anyone ever notice that PM is just one letter short of PMS? :D Perhaps that explains some of the regrettable ones that fly back and forth sometimes. :p

TeeHee...that's why some of us use the posessive (pm's)!

And with the message trakcing I don't feel I need a response to each and every pm...the [deny receipt] is there for a reason!

[Cookin4Love]

Originally posted by Gail
I can't profess to be able to get inside anyone else's head (which would likely be very uncomfortable anyway.)

Me, either. My butt's too big! :D

[claire797]

So how does "deny receipt" actually work? Is that essentially telling someone "Get the #$%*#^)# out of my inbox, I don't want to talk to you!" or is it something more socially acceptable? Is it the PM box equivalant to the Ignore button?

[Laura B]

Originally posted by claire797
So how does "deny receipt" actually work? Is that essentially telling someone "Get the #$%*#^)# out of my inbox, I don't want to talk to you!" or is it something more socially acceptable? Is it the PM box equivalant to the Ignore button?

Good question. I have never had occasion to want to use it. I'm always afraid I will click it by mistake and offend someone.

So, Anna, do you want to send me a PM and I'll send you one and we click "deny" to see what happens? :)

[fci5767]

Originally posted by Laura B


Good question. I have never had occasion to want to use it. I'm always afraid I will click it by mistake and offend someone.

So, Anna, do you want to send me a PM and I'll send you one and we click "deny" to see what happens? :)

I sent you one about lunch next week. You can deny it if you want and I'll resend.

I have been wondering about the deny receipt feature.

[sneezles]

Originally posted by claire797
Is that essentially telling someone "Get the #$%*#^)# out of my inbox, I don't want to talk to you!"

That'd get people fired up, eh? I believe it's the same principle that emails that are sent with the notice "the sender has requested a receipt acknowledging that you have received this email. Do you want to send a receipt?" and you then click on yes or no. By clicking on [deny receipt] before you open the pm would basically shut down the tracking of the pm so the sender would not know whether or not you rec'd and therfore read the pm...again I qualify this with it's JMHO!

[Gail]

I've always assumed if you click it, you're able to view the message without the sender being notified.

This is what the FAQ says: When you recieve a message with a read-receipt request, you may have the option to read the message while denying the read-receipt request. To do this, simply click the 'deny receipt' link rather than the title of the message, if it appears.

Edited to add: I'm not parroting or ignoring your response, Sneezles. Apparently, you posted while I opened up another window to view the FAQ.

[LonghornGal]

Originally posted by Gail
I will agree that in most cases not acknowledging a PM seems rude. I say seems, because nothing is ever black and white, and there are often extenuating circumstances.

Certainly, it's nice when someone takes a moment to acknowledge when you've sent a message (unless it's a nasty one.) But, I'm wondering whether sometimes people simply don't feel the need to respond, just as some people find thank-you notes unnecessary?

My hypothetical question is do you need to acknowledge the ty note with another note? I'm just wondering if we'd get stuck in a neverending cycle of ty's. :D

I usually stop the PM cycle when it feels that the conversation is done. Also, sometimes I don't reply for a day or so because I have nothing to say at that point, but do after some time has passed.

[Gail]

Sorta like bowing to each other, isn't it? :D

[HejazSunKat]

I look upon sending a PM to a person I've never 'spoken' to before as a learning experience. I would never send anybody a nasty PM (I'd just roll my eyes and walk away rather than tell them off) so what I'm sending them would either be a compliment of something they've said, support for something they may be going through or information they might be interested in. If it were me I would appreciate receiving that kind of PM and in my personal code of ethics it is rude not to respond to somebody who is trying to pay you a compliment or do you a kindness. If I don't get a response (and I keep forgetting there is such thing as tracking to see if they've read a message) I just shrug it off and think to myself "Ok, I get it. Won't bug you again. Have a nice life." There could be a million reasons why they didn't respond but if I don't get a response I'm going to assume they don't want to talk to me and respect their wishes. I appreciate that I am not going to be friends with everyone on this board and if my overture doesn't receive a response I check off the "Do not contact" box in my head and move on. N.B.D. - No Big Deal. :D

[claire797]

We played around with it last night and it's not as viscious as we'd thought. Basically, it's how Sneezle's described it. It makes it "untrackable".

The bowing to each other analogy made me laugh.

[LonghornGal]

Oh, and btw, I do send ty cards now. But I just picked up the habit since returning to b-school. And actually it's not difficult (like it seemed when I was 12). It just takes a few seconds. I keep a stack on hand for sending to networking contacts and interviewers, and my grandparents were so excited to get my note that they called me. They never call me. I about fell over.

So to all non-ty writers, 30 seconds of your time can make someones day!

Ok, back to the previously scheduled clique thread.

My thoughts - I don't feel excluded anywhere. There's definitely people who have the same tastes or cooking style as me, I feel they're my "friends". But I think of this forum like an airport concourse - hundreds of people coming and going, all preoccupied with getting sommething/somewhere. So if they ignore me, it's no big deal. But if we happen to chat while waiting in line for coffee, or sitting in the waiting area, it just made the day less boring.

my 2 cents. :)

--Kristin

[HejazSunKat]

Originally posted by LonghornGal
I think of this forum like an airport concourse - hundreds of people coming and going, all preoccupied with getting sommething/somewhere.

Great analogy.

[claire797]

Originally posted by LonghornGal
But I think of this forum like an airport concourse - hundreds of people coming and going, all preoccupied with getting sommething/somewhere.

Yeah! I like that one. And we frequent flyers have accrued plenty of miles :).

[Laura B]

Originally posted by sneezles


That'd get people fired up, eh? I believe it's the same principle that emails that are sent with the notice "the sender has requested a receipt acknowledging that you have received this email. Do you want to send a receipt?" and you then click on yes or no. By clicking on [deny receipt] before you open the pm would basically shut down the tracking of the pm so the sender would not know whether or not you rec'd and therfore read the pm...again I qualify this with it's JMHO!

As Anna said, we played around with this last night. (Thanks for the offer to let me deny your PM, Beth!) Sneezles is right except the PM drops out of the sender's tacking list once the receipt is denied. So, if a message you sent drops off your list, you know that the message has been opened, but you just cannot see when it was read.

[jmarie]

So if they ignore me, it's no big deal. But if we happen to chat while waiting in line for coffee, or sitting in the waiting area, it just made the day less boring.

Well, said. Very well said.:D
Joyce

[fci5767]

Originally posted by Laura B


As Anna said, we played around with this last night. (Thanks for the offer to let me deny your PM, Beth!) Sneezles is right except the PM drops out of the sender's tacking list once the receipt is denied. So, if a message you sent drops off your list, you know that the message has been opened, but you just cannot see when it was read.


I never thought that I would ever tell someone it was ok to ignore me :D