Should I call?

[ErinM]

Ok this is kind of in line with Susan PC dating thread, but I though I'd start a separate one.

I'm an HR Generalist responsible for bringing temps into our plant. We have a pretty high number. Anyway, one of the temps has struck up a conversation with me a few times...a pretty good looking (ok, some tattoo issues) around my age single male. Turns out he has two culinary degrees and has spent two years in Italy studying food. He's in this backwater town due to his son (I think)

Anyway, he's been trying to convince me to come out the bar with him (which is really all there is to do in this town). I said I wasn't a bar type person and that just about the only way to get me to go would be to come to my house and drag me out. He asked where I lived, I said I wasn't telling, he said he find out, I said be my guest.

Anyway, today was a horrible, horrible day for me. He saw me, and asked me how I was. In a weak moment, I said horrible. He wanted to know why, but I couldn't get into it in front of other employees on the floor. So he gave me his number and told me to call.

SHOULD I? He seems to be a nice guy, and lord knows I could use a friend in town...I don't really have any here.

However, I am, in a way, his employer. My job is d*mn visible, and I'm afraid of others finding out. I should probably just not worry about it and call him...like I said I could use someone to talk to who's not related to me.

What do you think?

[Peggy]

Erin,

A question - Was the reason your day was horrible due to things at work or in your personal life outside of work?

Peggy

[Escher]

Tread carefully....

If indeed you are his employer, well, I wouldn't recommend it.....

But if you are not, go for it. If nothing else, it's a place to vent.

But Peggy had an excellent point...I wouldn't talk about work-related issues.....

[ErinM]

To be honest...work related issues that are personal.

I'm not truly his employer. I'm the laision between the plant and the agency he does work for.

[JanetJ]

As someone who met her DH at work, I say call! :) (not that I'm saying you're going to marry the guy, but I was in a similar situation with DH and it definitely worked out for me)

I was giving this some thought, about how you are his employer and the public eye that your job is in. Then I remembered the three of the four people in our HR department are dating or married to coworkers.

Everybody needs a friend.

[aggie94]

As an HR person, I'm sure you know the potential ramifications of workplace relationships. Not that they're necessarily a bad thing (my two bosses are married to each other), but they have the potential to turn into HR nightmares.

Since he's a temp, any chance you can wait until he's no longer working at your company to go out with him (if you're interested, that is)? Or is this one of those indefinite temp positions or a possible temp-to-perm position?

Only you can decide, but if you like the guy and are interested in starting at least a friendship, one phone call can't hurt.

[Peggy]

Originally posted by ErinM
To be honest...work related issues that are personal.

Then I wouldn't call him. You aren't actually his employer but he is currently employed at your company. That is just my humble opinion.

Peggy

P.S. I want to be sure I am clear about my reason. I don't think it would necessarily be a problem to go out with him or see him outside of work. My concern is sharing personal work-related information that might not be appropriate for him to hear. You are currently upset about something at work and it may be too easy to share inappropriate information with a sympathetic ear.

[sneezles]

Erin,
Don't call! It was an emotional moment when you spoke with him. You'll see him tomorrow and if the moment presents itself you can talk to him then. Chances are he's a great guy but don't let your emotions take charge they should only guide you and since you're seeking advice of "strangers" I'd wait and see how he reacts to your not calling...JMHO!
And you can always talk to us "strangers" about your work related situation!

[Beth]

Well, maybe I'm not one to ask, but I also met my husband through work. He was my client -- well, was the in-house cousel for my client. We didn't date until other things had cleared, but if we didn't talk along the way, we wouldn't have know we were interested in dating. Now we have been married almost 13 years and have 2 kids.

I don't see anything wrong in getting together and having a drink with him -- any more that having a drink with anyone else. If you decide that you are both interested in taking things further, then you have to address those issues -- but not to talk or simply have a drink.

Having read the comments posted while I was typing -- I think the points about what you talk about and with whom are valid. You've got a couple of issues to think about.

[ErinM]

I don't have any intention of dating him, at least I think I don't. Unfortunately for me the minute a guy shows the slightest interest, I start to be interested...even though I know it's probably the wrong situation. I'm just so darn sick of being alone that I somehow end up feeling that way, when I shouldn't. At the very least, I know I probably have a little crush going on. But I also know I'll probably get over it.

Friends, I'm ok with, and in fact would be best.

[ErinM]

I don't have any intention of dating him, at least I think I don't. Unfortunately for me the minute a guy shows the slightest interest, I start to be interested...even though I know it's probably the wrong situation. I'm just so darn sick of being alone that I somehow end up feeling that way, when I shouldn't. At the very least, I know I probably have a little crush going on. But I also know I'll probably get over it.

Friends, I'm ok with, and in fact would be best.

Maybe I should just call to say "thanks for caring, but I probably really shouldn't talk about this with anyone"....

[rosie_one]

I feel for you though... what a bummer not to have anyone to tell this stuff to.:(

I guess I'd call him and explain the situation, how you would like to be friends, and sure could use the listening ear, but are worried that it would jeopardize his employment, which is the absolute truth. You are a permanent employee, he is a temp, if anything becomes an issue he will be gone like yesterday's alfredo sauce. Then apologize, tell him you appreciate his concern for you, and offer to let him call you if his employment changes anytime soon.

You don't want to be taking chances both with your career and his child support $.

[ErinM]

Originally posted by sneezles
And you can always talk to us "strangers" about your work related situation!


Thanks, Sneezles, I do know that. But it would be so nice to talk to a real live human who has no stake in my life (unlike my parents) and just be able to hear that everything will be ok...

[sneezles]

Originally posted by ErinM



Thanks, Sneezles, I do know that. But it would be so nice to talk to a real live human who has no stake in my life (unlike my parents) and just be able to hear that everything will be ok...

PM me darlin' and I'll give you my home number! I've been down that road, lived in that state (not too far from Hastings) and I know exactly how you feel...I survived without too many scars but life was very different then...yes, I'm old enough to be your mother:p ...

[Jazzmatazz49]

But the guy COOKS. I'd have to be his friend. Just be discreet.

[emily]

Well, I'm always in the "you should call him" camp. Especially if he's friendly and you need a friend, which it sounds like you do. However, I would avoid talking about work. That sort of thing always comes back to haunt.

I don't think I've ever regretted calling a boy, even if it turned ugly in the end.

E

[emily]

Originally posted by Jazzmatazz49
But the guy COOKS. I'd have to be his friend.

Oh, yeah! I'd forgotten about that part. That's a good reason too ;)

[SusanPC]

I wouldn't call him. If you have no intention of dating him, you have the sticky workplace situation, etc. I don't see what good can come of it. (Of course, easier said than done...I have definately reached out to guys before when I was down only to regret it later....in my case usually leaning on ex BFs that I had broken it off with for a reason!). If you really liked him (or saw the potential to eventually date him my answer may be slightly different.)

Generally, I try to make it a point not to call guys in the early stages too. Probably silly...but how I am.

Regardless of the guy issue, I hope your day is going better!

[HejazSunKat]

Originally posted by ErinM
I'm not truly his employer. I'm the laision between the plant and the agency he does work for.

I don't see anything wrong with your seeing him socially no matter what it does or doesn't turn into. You do not supervise him or have any control over his job but I have to agree with others that you'd have to be careful about what you talked about. He's a virtual stranger to you so you don't know how trustworthy he is with confidences yet and you do work for the same company. It might just be a good opportunity for you to destress though even if you talked about other things. I like the fact that he gave you his number and left it up to you whether you wanted to call or not. I met my husband via work and I know a lot of people who did. Let's face it - it's a great way to meet people! :) Even if he doesn't turn out to be a romantic partner you might make a good friend and that would be nice too.

[Chelle D]

I can see both sides of this, but I think I agree with sneezles that the situation that brought this up happened in an emotional moment. For that reason I would not call him right now. I would still try to develop a friendship though - he sounds like an caring and interesting person.

[emily]

So, Erin, what did you end up doing???

[ErinM]

What the heck, I called him. He was talking to his sister and called me back, then we talked for three minutes before he wierdo landlord showed up (his words, not mine) said he'd call me back, but ended up not doing so.

He did apologize the next day.

However, tonight at a retirement party for an employee, I learn that he has a 17 year old daughther (he's 32!), a son, AND a girlfriend who I think he's engaged to judging by the ring she's wearing. And I SWEAR I heard him say he's only been divorced for 8 months???? And all this time I thought he was single due to comments he'd made to me such as:


You look nice today
Do you have a boyfriend? Kids? (and when I said no, he seemed pleased!)
You'll have to let me make you dinner
We'll talk sometime..don't worry my girlfriend will be cool with it.
Oh, and tonight he told me I was attractive, after telling me he had a girlfriend, which he apologized for not being up front about.



Ay yi yi. Will my life ever go right? :rolleyes:

Sure we can be friends, but now it might be wierd. Unless I just don't know how to be friends with guys anymore. I supposed that's possible.

[emily]

Originally posted by ErinM
Ay yi yi. Will my life ever go right? :rolleyes:

...

Sure we can be friends, but now it might be wierd. Unless I just don't know how to be friends with guys anymore. I supposed that's possible.

First yes, at some point, your life will go right :)

And second, maybe it's possible you can be friends, but he now sounds pretty sketchy to me. So I'd say, keep looking for other friends.

And yes, you still know how to be friends with guys.

Feel better?

e

[mbrogier]

Guys never know what their girlfriends would be cool with...or not. I can see that situation turning sticky. Sorry he wasn't the person you thought he was. I hope you can find a friend near you.

I love your avatar by the way...I love your sense of humor.

[Canice]

Hey, Erin.
First of all, let me say that I'm sorry about your predicament; no one wants to feel alone and/or with few options. Secondly, I want to say that I've had lots of guy friends -even when people told me eventually it would come down to THAT, and we couldn't be friends - since I was around 17. I'll be 40 this year, still have lots of guy friends. My DBF truly IS "cool" with that - but I'm guessing it's because I've been friends with those guys for a long time, before DBF and I met. If I told him today that "Bill at work" said he wanted to make dinner for me, and said that I "looked nice" that day and was "attractive" - had asked whether I had a boyfriend or kids (and was pleased when I said I didn't) ...well, I'm guessing he'd feel threatened or hurt. And I wouldn't blame him. That doesn't sound at all to me like a guy who's just got a big heart and wants to reach out to a neighbor.

Please do not tell yourself that the "issue" is that you "just don't know how to be friends with guys anymore". I'm sorry, but he is not a good "friend" candidate, and the worst thing you could do would be to put that on yourself. It sounds like he has
a questionable character, and I know that you do not -- so please don't carry his burden for him.

I remember how hard you worked to get that job, and it's probably a good professional investment, but it's been over a year now... maybe it's time for you to explore professional opportunities in other places, where the social climate is more in tune with your own interests and objectives?

[pattyp.]

If everything is true about him, run,do not walk , in the opposite direction. It's sounds very sticky. :(

[Kristilyn1]

I agree. Run, don't walk. People who have amazingly complicated and weird home lives(especially situations that seem of their own making!)are usually people who end up having "issues" at work as well. He strikes me as a bad candidate for friendship because of his personality and your situation--being in HR. Being seen as his big buddy at work and then he implodes in the office----it's just a bad scene.

I hope you are able to find other valuable friends--I'm sure you will.

Kristi