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jmarie
05-03-2004, 03:33 PM
I am just so aggrivated. MIL just left. As you know her DH dies week ago last Thursday. She told me a story while she was here.

FIL was a collector and was a packrat. Now, he collected good stuff, don't get me wrong. Antique sort of things. And all of this is going to be sold for MIL's bank account. For her three children, she had them pick out something they wanted that belonged to their dad. The basement was where he stored these things that he didn't want and had planned to sell, so there is no sentimental value to any of this. The sentimental stuff is in the house and the will takes care of how all of that will be disposed of in the event, God forbid, that MIL passes. (one wanted his tools. the other his truck and DH didn't want anything. MIL then insisted he take a quilt that she made with their dog's image and all kinds of neat things sewn on. Said her DH claimed it right after she made it.)

MIL's grandaughter apparently came to the house last Friday and informed my MIL that her daughter, the GREAT grandaughter wanted MIL's spinning wheel that is upstairs. Can you imagine that? FIL was in the grave for 4 days and she sends her mom to ask for something that belonged to MIL.

MIL was disapointed that she asked, but stuck to her guns. My greatest fear was that this group would run all over her, but I guess she was prepared.

Now get this. This 23 year old G-Grandaughter girl, got married two years ago. Had the baby a year later, because she wanted a child. She has never worked, her husband has never worked. They just divide their time between her mom and his mom. Eat their food, wash their clothes there and have no plans to ever work, as far as anyone knows. This is none of my business, but I tell you this to tell you that this is the GREAT grandaughter who wants spinning will?

Good grief.

I am sure that before it is all over, I will have many stories to tell, as I am sure that many of you have some to tell.

badunnin
05-03-2004, 03:39 PM
I don't know - I obviously don't know your family, but when my great gram passed, I was devastated. I definitely wanted a few things not to be passed out of the family. There were things that had great sentimental value to me, and it would have killed me to know that they were being passed out of the family.

But I'm sure there is more to your story/their relationship. However, I don't know that the fact that this girl has been married 2 years, has a child, and hasn't ever had a job is relevant.

sneezles
05-03-2004, 03:45 PM
Well, I think the added details just goes towards explaining the person.

DH's mother gave us her grandmother clock (it was not her grandmother's but it's a smaller version of a grandfather clock). We didn't ask for it she just gave that and the piano. Found out years later that DH's youngest sister claims the piano was hers (too bad). Then we visit MIL one day and I see she has a new clock. When I asked why she gave us the one if she was only going to buy another she tells us that the granddaughter was totally miffed because she claimed that my FIL said she could have the clock someday.

gertdog
05-03-2004, 04:19 PM
My reaction was similar to Bethany's. Maybe the great-granddaughter misunderstood the situation. She may have heard, through her parent or grandparent, that your MIL was giving things of family value away, and your great-grandaughter wanted to express her desire for the spinning wheel. Given the fact that this message was relayed not directly from the great-granddaughter but by her parent makes it even more likely, IMO, that there is some miscommunication going on here. Even if there was no misunderstanding, I'd be inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt- grief can make people behave in ways they normally wouldn't.

Your MIL is certainly not obligated to give her anything; she can just tell her g-granddaughter she's glad to hear that the spinning wheel holds sentimental value for her, and that MIL feels the same way and is planning to keep the spinning wheel at home with her for now (no implied promise of who it will "belong" to in the future).

I don't necessarily think that the great-granddaughter is any less deserving of having special family possessions, or less able to appreciate them, just because of how she is currently living her life, but for now the things in the house belong to MIL.

I'm sorry that your family is going through this.

jmarie
05-03-2004, 05:48 PM
Thank you for allowing me to vent. You are so correct in that the GGrandaughters living situation/life style should not prevent her from having something from the house. She was the only grandchild who even asked for anything. Of course, all of the other grandchildren work, and had to go back to work after the funeral, so they didn't get a chance to mark their territory.

And yes, there is a lot of family history...

And she will have her chance because the will says that the siblings are to get together upon grandmother's death, have everything appraised, and then they can buy what they want out of it and when that part has finished the grandchildren can go in and buy what they want along with the great grandchildren...and then the money that was raised will be divided between the siblings. With the deceased parent's part going to her 3 children and 2 step-children. Grandfather thought this would end fights before they start.


I definitely wanted a few things not to be passed out of the family.

Did you ask her for them before she died? Or did you wait. Believe me, nothing will go out of the house into a stranger's hands.

badunnin
05-03-2004, 05:55 PM
Originally posted by jmarie


Did you ask her for them before she died? Or did you wait. Believe me, nothing will go out of the house into a stranger's hands.

Some things were given to me before (or rather, gram called 'dibs' for me) some I claimed before her belongings were sold. From the way I understood you post, Joyce, some things are to be sold now, after the children have had a chance to claim things they would like to keep. Other things would be kept. It wasn't made clear to me which half the spinning wheel belonged to.

jmarie
05-03-2004, 06:19 PM
I guess I didn't explain, very well, did I?

Everything in the basement. Which was just stuff he purchased at yard sales and flea markets to fix up and sell...Antiques and , whatsoever. THOSE were the things being sold.

No one even considered anything in the house, because that is the living space that Dear MIL has decorated and lives in now. It bothered MIL that great would ask for something that she was using, when her own children asked for nothing. The truck was going to go, and so it was given to the DD who stayed with MIL ay the hospital, using her sick leave, the entire time he was there, since Feb.

All of the tools, MIL wanted two sons to have. But my husband felt that his brother deserved them all because he had mowed up there the last year and had started, this year. MIL tried to get DH to take something, but he refused. And then she told him she would like for him to have the little quilt that she had made. So, he took that because otherwise he felt she would worry. MIL offered these things, no one asked.

And I omitted that this granddaughter, insisted on a wedding shower, when she had no home. She was asked, wouldn't it be better to give her a housewarming when they moved into their apartment. But she wanted the wedding shower. 6 months later she came down to MIL's with the list of everything that she had been given, along with a price beside it and told MIL to ask all the kids and grandkids as they passed through if they would like to buy anything off the list, that it was still unused and in the box.:rolleyes:

But you are right, there is so much family history, that it would probably be impossible to understand the situation.

mbrogier
05-03-2004, 06:37 PM
Don't you just love family??:D :rolleyes: I know its annoying, but I'm sure your MIL will remember this in her will. ;)

lhall
05-04-2004, 07:27 AM
Originally posted by mbrogier
Don't you just love family??:D :rolleyes:

YUP!

When my grandmother passes away we're going to have some one come change the locks on the house BEFORE calling one aunt. She'll get in the house and take what she wants regardless of what my grandmother's will says, and we're determined NOT to let that happen!

Joyce,
I'm so sorry this has happened, but good for your MIL for standing up to this girl. It was wrong of her to ask for something that is your MIL's when your FIL is the one who passed away. It sounds like the will is pretty clear, and the mom should have known that stuff in the house is not to be sold/given away. Also, if GGD is 'calling dibs' on the spinning wheel then 4 days after this lady's DH died is NOT the time to do it!

Leigh

Abbey
05-04-2004, 07:57 AM
I'm sorry about your FIL.:(
It's hard enough when someone in the family dies, but then when family members seem to go all wacky over the stuff, it just makes the situation more stressful. Why is it that people go crazy over STUFF when someone has just DIED?! I know..sentimental value and all that...but someone has died, and people lose sight of that being the most important issue.
It's not just your family..I've seen it happen time and time again in many families.
My MIL repeatedly asks me what I want when she dies. she has no will, and a 3 story victorian home stuffed full of antiques and collectibles. I don't really give her an answer, because I know that her oldest daughter will go into the house and empty it of everything valuable, probably before the funeral is even held. Sad. DH and I agree that we're not getting involved in that mess...and it will be a mess.

My grandmother is funny...whenever someone in our family compliments her on something she owns, she says "I'll put your name on masking tape on the bottom of it, and you can have it when I die". It's become a family joke now..but I think she really does it.

Hang in there jmarie, and keep praying that the rest of the family will come to understand what's really important right now.