do we need a wedding planning thread? [Archive]

ellery

06-17-2004, 10:25 AM

Oh Escher would do swimmingly on some of those boards. The knot, when you wander away from the local boards is unbelievably vicious. I tried not to spend too much time there, just glanced in, but those chicks were calling each other trolls and b's and telling each other where to stick it, and then there was a controversy about someone who swore that their account had been hacked into and that someone had been saying mean stuff in their name... good grief!

www.bridalguide.com also has a BB, has its days. I confessed to being stressed about something, that DF and I didn't agree on something, and some lovely person chimed in saying that she and her DF didn't ever quarrel, wedding planning was so lovely, and maybe I needed to rethink whether I should marry DF.

The wedding channel one is okay, but you don't seem to get a lot of replies to questions - maybe a response by the moderator and one more, and that's about it.

I personally don't ever know what's going on with my wedding planning, although I'm the one allegedly in charge. Every time I think I've pinned DF down to something and we've settled on a date and place, he comes up with something new.

typical conversation:

me: honey, the place we want has the 21st free, the date you wanted
him: the 21st? why don't you check and see if the 28th is free?
me: huh? but you were the one who argued and fought so hard with me to do it the 21st... now you want the 28th?

So I have no official wedding date to post.

:rolleyes:

Leah

who's starting to mumble to herself, twitch oddly and curses most inappropriately when people ask her how wedding planning is going

RebeccaT

06-17-2004, 10:44 AM

Originally posted by MusicMom

Drinks all around!!
:D :D

Sorry for the interruption, I couldn't resist finishing the Captain Jack Sparrow quote from another Pirate lover. I'm feeling goofy today because we leave for vacation tomorrow.

Tee hee! Thanks for the reference! Have fun on your vacation!

KristinK

06-17-2004, 10:47 AM

Leah, I'm the one in charge too, although I always get DF's final approval. You have to get him to settle on a date, if only to protect your sanity when having to respond to the "When's the wedding?" questions. :p

My mom and I went to select invitations earlier this week, only to realize that we need to have at least a general idea of the menu for the response cards beforehand. :rolleyes: As much as I like the idea of being the first of our friends to get married, I really wish I had someone to give me some guidance. My mom has been great, but her wedding was almost 28 years ago, and she planned it all in only four months! But I digress. We're meeting with the caterer Monday night for our tasting, and hopefully, we can order the invitations by the end of the week.

HUNGRY!

06-17-2004, 10:55 AM

Don't worry, if you're anything like me your FI will stop driving you crazy and your families will take his place. Our tactic was to decide on a date and if a place we liked didn't have that date open too bad for them. It made things a lot easier. We're planning from far away though so we had to make a lot of split second decisions.

I saw on the knot where someone alleged that someone else took the name of her reception place and called that place and cancelled. Scary.

Escher would be chewed to bits:p

The knot is great for vendor reviews though.

107 days and counting for me!

ellery

06-17-2004, 10:56 AM

Originally posted by KristinK
Leah, I'm the one in charge too, although I always get DF's final approval. You have to get him to settle on a date, if only to protect your sanity when having to respond to the "When's the wedding?" questions. :p

Trust me, I recognize that this is the goal. DF seems to be operating under a different game plan, one designed to send me to the loony bin. I wanted small, simple, this year. He wanted big, big and next year. I wanted a classy, traditional location. He wanted a generic big place. So we argued and argued, compromised and compromised, selected a place and a date, then he wanted another date, then he wanted to revisit why we couldn't do it somewhere else, then he wanted to know why we didn't just do it in the Bahamas. I have friends emailing me on a regular basis, just checking to make sure that they don't have to scrounge up bail money because I've done something to him... :rolleyes:

I know that we'll get through this, that it's only one day, and all that other comforting stuff. I just need reassurance that I won't go insane in the process or drown the groom... ;)

Leah

Melman

06-17-2004, 11:07 AM

Then you'd have to start the "drowning the groom" thread. :D

I definitely think you should have the wedding planning thread. I'm not interested in participating myself, but I'll enjoy watching everyone else plan their big events.

And MoBear...aren't you the one moving to Greenville????? (Why can't these aging brain cells remember this for sure?!?! <sigh>) If so...and if you have any questions about this area, just yell!!

RebeccaT

06-17-2004, 11:16 AM

Leah, you won't drown (or otherwise maim) the groom. It would really make your pictures turn out badly. ;)

Seriously, it sounds like you and DF need to each come up with a list, on your own, of Must Haves, Nice to Haves, and Don't Cares. Try to make sure you both get and equal number of Must Haves (ideally, you will have a lot of these in common), and compromise on the rest. AND STICK TO IT! You will have to compromise, but hopefully neither of you will have to give up the things that are most important to you. If it is really really important to him that this be a big affair with lots of guests, fine, but he should then let you decide on the location that is unique.

Or you could just elope. Without him. :D

NewMrsG

06-17-2004, 12:22 PM

A wedding thread with NICE people would be fun! I loved planning my own.

I TOLD you they were awful over there, Leah!

CookinMode

06-17-2004, 12:23 PM

While my DF is nowhere near agreeable, we have not had a major difference......yet! The tricky part for me is to actually get him talking about it. One night when both of us were home I asked to sit down together and go over location information that my mother had sent us. I wanted to narrow down our choices so that we could get closer to a decision. First, he said he would rather do it Sunday, but then finally said he would do it after making a quick run to the store. So he comes back from said trip, then sits down on the computer to do other stuff. So then it got pushed back after dinner, but before the basketball game, which gave us only a 10 minute window!!! Luckily, his team was losing badly, so he turned that off and we finally had our discussion. This is a not a good sign, but I think I found the key is that whenever we are going to talk wedding, there is an open bottle of wine nearby!

CookinMode

06-17-2004, 12:39 PM

I was just sitting here thinking that I should probably introduce myself just a little bit since I am new to posting and all of a sudden, here I am posting on this wedding thread!

Anyway, I live in suburban Maryland, and work in Northern Virginia so I spend a ton of time of the road, too much of it in standstill traffic. I love to cook, I just have not being doing it so much lately because DF's work schedule has him working most nights. But that will change in two weeks, and hopefully I can start cooking more.

As for the wedding - DF and I have been dating for seven years, most of it long distance until last year when I moved out here from Kansas. The wedding is back in my hometown in Kansas since about 90% of the wedding guests also live in that area. So this is why I am giving myself 16 months (now 15) to plan this thing....hopefully that will also cut down on the chances of seriously injuring DF!

mobear

06-17-2004, 12:39 PM

Melman - yes indeedy I am. I can finally be honest because I just gave notice to my employer! And I mean just....like an hour ago. Which brings me next to the following questions to all of you SC gals...

I am thinking of a wedding in Charleston if I cannot find a good location in Greenville. (I do have a possible reception location in Greenville.) My constraints are that I am not baptized in a church, and I don't want to rush into getting baptized just to get married...I think that is kind of bad personally. I would rather take my time to find a church. Now, I know that some would argue their own religious beliefs around that...that is not what I am here to discuss so please don't let me offend anyone's beliefs. So I am thinking that this would rule out most of the wedding locations in Greenville. This is because when I looked in the phone book and internet for Greenville wedding locations, there are not many other than churches. So...

Does anyone have wedding location suggestions for Greenville SC?
Does anyone have wedding location/reception suggestions for Charleston?
Please keep in mind I am trying to go low budget but nice, that I hopefully would not have to decorate too much.

Melman - Oh, and I forgot we will have to start a supper club in Greenville sometime soon!

RebeccaT

06-17-2004, 12:55 PM

mobear, do you have a denomination preference? I ask because not all denominations require that you be baptized in their church in order to get married there...

ellery

06-17-2004, 01:04 PM

Actually, mobear, you and I are in the same boat as the whole church thing. One of DF's "wants" was the big church wedding which I put the big kabash (sp?) on, as neither of us go to church and he's a very very bad Catholic - the man has nuns and priests in his family, went to Catholic school forever, and couldn't answer my question as to what Ash Wednesday was all about. But I digress...

What I was going to say was to suggest something like we're doing (I think, stay tuned to see what new tricks DF will come up with), which is to do the wedding and reception at the same site. Much cheaper, much easier, all you need to do is find an officiant and that's not too hard from what I'm hearing.

Or, my friend got married in Charleston - rented this cute little pavilion in a park somewhere (I can find out if you want) for $15 I think? I'm not sure where they had their reception, but afterwards they just kinda bar hopped, which I thought sounded like fun, as opposed to having a reception and then people just go their separate ways, which is especially no fun if your reception finishes up sorta early.

Oh, if only I could get DF to make a list...hysterical manic laughter heard...a list of his "must have's (that doesn't change every 5 minutes)... a list of just who he plans to invite to this rapidly growing wedding... hysterical chuckle escapes again... eye twitch... involuntary leg spasm...

CookinMode (p.s. welcome to the boards) I think we're engaged to the same man... or brothers...

;)

Leah

Wendy w

06-17-2004, 01:07 PM

I'm not a bride to be and have never been married, but DBF keeps mentioning "when we get married" so it could happen someday. I am learning to never say never. Anyhow, I also want to say that this thread is cracking me up with the talk about the bridezillas and sending Escher there.

ktg0930

06-17-2004, 01:13 PM

Heather,

I have never been to Charleston, but we just went to a wedding in Virginia (tidewater area) where they had the wedding on the steps of an Inn/B&B and had the reception in the gardens of the same inn. A minister officiated. I bet you could find a neat Inn in Charleston.

Kathy

Melman

06-17-2004, 01:21 PM

First, I have a friend who was married on Folly Beach - south of Charleston. I didn't go to the wedding, but the pictures were incredible. She was barefoot, had on a very pretty white dress (similar to a sundress...but long)...the whole wedding party was very nice-looking. I could find out more if Leah or mobear are interested.

And, mobear, I agree with RebeccaT...I think it might depend on the denomination. For instance, I'm almost certain my church doesn't require either the bride or the groom to be a member there. I know there's a higher fee to use the church if you're not a member, but I have no idea what that is. (PS...my church is really pretty...and has a WONDERFUL pipe organ.)

Where in the world have you found for the reception? To me, that's one of the most difficult things to plan around here. There aren't a great many options. PS...I can recommend a WONDERFUL photographer...and an INCREDIBLE florist...plus probably get you names for nearly anything else if you're getting married here.

(See, Leah, I told you I loved planning these events!! :D)

And, yes, we definitely need to check on the supper group idea! Heather (from TX) has also moved to this area. Yeah! We're forming our own southern klatch! :D :D

ellery

06-17-2004, 01:34 PM

Geez... I really need to get back to work and stop mucking around on wedding stuff!

Actually, we HAVE a site (if DF would just stop messing with my head) that's quite nice www.palmettodunesresort.com and on the beach and all that. A cute little beach house where we can get married either on the sand or on the deck of the house, and party the night away right there. I envision hanging out on a bench, looking out at the ocean, feet swinging in the breeze...

Our two main issues (as of today) are DF's refusal to let go of the desire to have an anonymous reception in a hotel on a beach. Nothing wrong with a hotel reception, but seems kinda silly to have a reception in a hotel that's located on the beach (what's the point of being on the beach if you're inside - you've seen one Marriott, you've seen em all). Plus, it would mean booking two sites for one day and God only knows this is going to cost us an arm and a leg already... (heart pounding, must calm down, think peaceful thought). And then there's the whole cost issue in general. Good grief a wedding is expensive!

Okay. Off to do work now. I swear...

:D

Leah

MusicMom

06-17-2004, 01:52 PM

CookinMode-

Welcome to the boards and the DC metro area. Both are nice places to be!

I totally sympathize with your situation, trying to get your DF to focus. My DH is still that way- some people just aren't planners. What's frustrating is that my DH chimes in at the very last minute with things we need to consider. I've learned to just go with the flow, plan what I can, and check with him on the big things. Deep breaths help!!

helios7

06-17-2004, 02:02 PM

Being 17 days away from the big event my planning is just about done, BUT I'll happily join in on the discussion.

Yes- weddings are expensive. We're having a small one (80) people and assuming a ton of the cost ourselves (not all, but a lot) and ... its enough to cause twitches and sleepless nights. However, it'll be a day to remember for the rest of our lives. :)

We were lucky - DF and I met at college and had always "hypothetically" discussed going back to campus to get married. So after he proposed, I called the coordinator at the hotel on campus and we had the grand total of 1 date available. Hence we're marrying on July 4. Not our first choice, but it'll do. Ideally we wanted the next weekend, our 6th dating anniversary is the 11th of July but hey.... you win some and you lose some.

17 days... that's SOON!

kbs

06-17-2004, 02:03 PM

Well, congratulations to all! I got married a year ago in a small ceremony (40 guests) and had a fabulous reception with those same 40 people. Everything was perfect (except for the weather- it was 43 degrees and we were supposed to get married on the beach). We had so much fun.

Anyway, I wanted to share this great website that I stumbled across- www.indiebride.com
It is a great resource for women who want some meaningful discussions about marriage and families without the whole "what color will the bm dresses be?" "And what kind of flowers?" ETC (not that there is anything wrong with those websites, they certainly helped me out a ton, but they all pretty much have the same information.) As the wedding got closer I just wanted something else to read besides how to pick my table linens and this was a place that had some very intelligent writing. Hopefully it still does.

Again, good luck to all with your wedding planning!
-Kim

Beth H

06-17-2004, 02:08 PM

Or, my friend got married in Charleston - rented this cute little pavilion in a park somewhere (I can find out if you want) for $15 I think? I'm not sure where they had their reception, but afterwards they just kinda bar hopped, which I thought sounded like fun, as opposed to having a reception and then people just go their separate ways, which is especially no fun if your reception finishes up sorta early.

That's in Battery Park if its the same place I'm thinking of - I've seen weddings in progress there. That would be neat but I'd be nervous if the weather was bad.

Ellery - are you still trying to decide where to get married? Every wedding I've been to in downtown Charleston has been fun - all for very different reasons. There are just so many great places there, and the atmosphere of the city is wonderful. If you are thinking of Hilton Head - DH and I stayed at the Westin a couple of months ago, which has a neat pool area with lots of decks. We both commented it would be a fun place for an outdoor wedding.

HUNGRY!

06-17-2004, 02:15 PM

My FH loves hotels too. Ugh. Anyway, try checking with local museums- they often have great spaces for receptions. That's what we ended up doing. I must say getting the reception/church thing was the most stressful vendor. After that things just kind of fell into place. Until we hit the four month mark and since then (for the past two weeks or so) it has been pure stress- mostly caused by our families.

Some didn't book hotel rooms and were mad when the ones they wanted filled up (duh). My Aunt wants me to go for my hair trial right before my shower- which I don't want to do because I'll feel like a fool (I didn't want a shower in the first place but apparently its not about me- walking in with stiff wedding hair and a veil will make it ten times worse). Others are picking apart my registry piece by piece (you'll never use an ice cream maker, why did you register for that? you don't like white towels. what will you do with a potato ricer?- this all from the people who forced me to register in the first place). FH's family want to know why we can't do things like Cousin Jimmy did at his wedding (well, it was his fifth- he should have had it down to an art by then). All of these things are driving me crazy. But then I think about how excited they are and how they mean well, and I think, am I a BRIDEZILLA???

lakelady1

06-17-2004, 02:16 PM

Such fun!! I'm in the process of being mother of the bride for the second time, and both my girls agree that the best advice I gave them was to not ask their DF for an opinion -- make a selection and give them veto power if they don't like it. (If they don't like things repeatedly, just tell them to do it.) Hence, last Friday we ran around northern Virginia in the rain while everyone else watched the Reagan funeral and ordered invitations, got my dress, and selected china, crystal and silver. The dear groom showed up later and took us out to dinner.

PS - If anybody else or their DF is in the service, check out the officers clubs (or other community clubs) on base. Some are beautiful and you can't beat the price of a government subsidized reception. This will be our second on base reception, and I am delighted.

kabs

06-17-2004, 02:24 PM

Hmmm, I've been away for a few days and a planning a wedding thread starts! I have been out of town doing nothing other than WEDDING STUFF! It has consumed my life at this point. I would love a place to vent. I've never gotten into theknot or weddingchannel.com...

My wedding is also on 10/2/04! We are getting married in Western NY- at Bristol Harbour which is outside the town of Canandaigua, which is about 45 minutes outside Rochester. Yes, we live in Pittsburgh. Yes, 75% of our guests will have to travel to the wedding. NO, we were not INSANE when we decided to do this... we just absolutely fell in love with Bristol Harbour and didn't even blink at the distance. I am a teacher, so now that I'm out for the summer, driving up there 2 or 3 times this summer is no biggie. One of the best things about where we're getting married, is that we'll have our ceremony and reception at the same place. There's even a lodge there, so that guests can stay right on the property after the reception.

Oh, I will say that one thing that I have liked about weddingchannel.com (for those of you just starting this process), is that I like their budget calculator. I find it easier to use than the one on theknot.

Kim

Ok

ChristyMarie

06-17-2004, 02:33 PM

Weddings are so fun!!!

I've been married just over a year so I could certainly offer some advice.

Just think of it as throwing a great party. Relax and enjoy. You only get to do it once (hopefully!!!) so don't fill it with stress.

We had a smallish wedding (about 140) but we did a cocktail party for a reception with Spanish tapas for the meal (trust me, there was a TON of food) with an after hours party at the hotel with pizza & munchies (it went to 5 am!!!!!).

Anyways...it is the best day of your life, don't stress just let it happen.

HUNGRY!

06-17-2004, 02:50 PM

helios- 17 days- how fun! Good luck! Were are you going on your honeymoon?

mobear

06-17-2004, 02:50 PM

Oooh! So much great advice. Just printed out the posts.

I am not sure what time of year we will be married, and I am too nervous to have a purely outside wedding. So being married someplace beautiful with inside facilities is my ideal.

DF belongs to the Poinsett Club in Greenville. That is a possible reception depending on cost...their food is quite good, but catering cost could get out of hand. Museums are definitely good reception choices...they are usually cheap to rent, and have beautiful art to look at, and some wide spaces to hold a dance floor if one wanted. I also think that holding the wedding and the reception in the same place would be ideal since most guests will be out of towners...it simplifies the whole transportation and timing issues.

melman - Please definitely PM me with your church, music, photographer and flower recommendations, because I am undecided between Greenville and Charleston. If I can make it happen in Greenville, I might do that to keep it simple. Otherwise I would lean towards a package deal in Charleston...

Fortunately DF and I agree on alot of things. I do like the idea of coming up with a prioritized list. I think this is what we need to do to help stay within our budget.

Sorry, have to run to *another* meeting now!

BeachBum

06-17-2004, 03:27 PM

I think the Wedding Channel boards move too slowly -- more than a post a month , but with a bunch of different boards, everyone is spread out all over the place. I like that it uses the same format as this board though.

I think the "problem" there is that there are tons and tons of posters/participants, but they post mostly in journals. Most of the brides have a Journal (sort of like a blog but not as active) or thread that they post about their plans and you make friends by visiting journals. About 2 or 3 years ago it was so, so busy there but then everyone just miagrated into journal style. For what ever reason people just don't post to the "general" type topics anymore.

zippy478

06-17-2004, 03:56 PM

I'll jump in here, too. I've been married almost two years now but I sympathize with everyone that is planning now - it can be a stressful process between trying to make sure everyone is heard and incorporating all the ideas you have to make your day special. Notice I said everyone is heard...not that everyone is happy....just heard. I learned this early on with my MIL and my mother. You have to come up with a standard phrase such as "I appreciate your input and I will consider it but please don't be offended if I don't use your idea." This made things MUCH easier because people slowly realize that in the end, it's your day - not theirs.

Also, try to keep in mind that the important part of the day is that you are starting your life together and showing your love to all your family/friends. The flowers, cake, favors, dresses, etc. are all bonuses. What's important at the end of the day is you've said your vows and have had a good time.

That being said - here's my advice. Set a "date" with your DF to sit down and talk about as much as you can in one sitting - try not to do it as one of you is getting ready to go out or something - make it an uninterrupted time if possible and make it comfortable. Get the big stuff out of the way first - date, place, ideal reception style. Be prepared to compromise and find out what decisions DF does/doesn't want to be involved in. Most of the time - DF won't give a hoot about the flowers you choose but they will care about the food, liquor (if you're having it), and the time/place.

For those that are still trying to pin down a date - what we did to get started was sat down with a calendar - we got married after 2 years of being engaged - and we each picked two months that we would "like" to be married in. Then, narrowed it down to dates for each month. Then, narrowed it down to one day and decided on a time of day. But, we noted the other dates to be used as back-ups in case the site/church weren't available. Then, I started making phone calls to different places to see what was available and what wasn't.

Instead of putting more in this post - I will lurk on the thread and add my two cents where I can. As for wedding planning boards - I actually found iVillage to be a pretty good place to hang out. They recently changed the format so I don't know how good it is anymore but they have 2004 Weddings (for example) under the relationships button on the message boards screen.

Good luck to all of you getting married! It's a great time and it can be a lot of fun if you don't let yourself get too overwhelmed!

sararosalie

06-17-2004, 04:42 PM

Originally posted by zippy478
What's important at the end of the day is you've said your vows and have had a good time.

Amen! As somebody who has been married for all of two weeks :D I have to say that Zippy 478 hit the nail on the head. In the end, the fact that you are married and that you've had fun is all that matters.

jlo_of_hotlanta

06-17-2004, 06:00 PM

Hehe, I'm not getting married, but I love lurking on the wedding threads! Congratulations!

Ashley

mbrogier

06-17-2004, 06:19 PM

I was married 4 years ago, but my mom was Martha Stewart and my in-laws were awful. I'd love to lurk! I can sympathyze. :D

ellery

06-17-2004, 07:39 PM

Can I just be pitiful for a moment?

I don't know if it's me being way too sensitive (stress'll do that) or if people are just mannerless boars sometimes... but I had my second comment so far (the first coming from some BB person who didn't know me at all) from someone basically questioning my choice of grooms. One of these days I'll learn to keep my big mouth shut, but tonight at the gym one of my "buddies" (those days are over!) was asking me how the wedding planning was going, and I just said (stupid me stupid me!!!) it's a little stressful right now trying to find a place that we agree on, something along those lines. So my "buddy" looked thoughtful, scratched his chin, and said, "well, now maybe that's something to think about. May kind of tell you what your future is going to be like." His wife then came up, the three of us chatted for a few minutes, then he repeated his sentiment, tossing out there "you know, it's better to be single and happy..."

As his wife nodded in agreement. Because as he had told me earlier, they're "soulmates" and their life is just a breeze.

Please tell me that just because we're disagreeing about wedding stuff does not foretell a lifetime of unhappiness. People disagree about stuff. Who are these people to imply that my choice is wrong and I'm doomed to be in an unhappy marriage just because DF and I want different things in a wedding site? Does that mean we want different things in life, have different values, that he's going to be unfaithful or abusive or otherwise deserve drowning for real? I don't think so and I'm just so offended and annoyed.

Those stupid (other) boards are full of dewy eyed brides to be who talk about their soulmates and how their life is going to start now that they've found their white knight and all that nonsense. I don't have any of those expectations - expecting DF to fulfill me, or to change his annoying habits, or that being married is going to be rosy all the time and that we'll live happily ever after and skip off into the sunset. Relationships are great, but work, and it's two people who have to work together when they don't want to, think of someone else when they don't want to, and all that other stuff. I've found someone that I love, who makes me giggle, who's a good partner, thinks I'm the cat's meow, who will be a good father, and who is there for me even when my nose is running, I'm sick and annoying and whiny and anyone else would throw something at my head. And all that other stuff.

Whew! Got that off my chest.

Feel free to tell me that I'm right, that these people are boars, and that I don't need to rethink my choice of grooms...

If you don't mind...

:(

Leah

and why do I feel the need to justify this decision? grumble grumble...

Melman

06-17-2004, 07:46 PM

You're right...these people are boars...and you do NOT need to rethink your choice of grooms.

You're fine. You're sweating over the details of a wedding. I think that's a requirement. :D Everything will come together. Here's my one suggestion for you...everyone is going to have an opinion about every single little thing that deals with YOUR wedding. Listen to them, smile, (think about the weather, the book you're reading, or your to-do list), thank them politely, and then just move on. (Heck, if you decide to start a family, this is only the tip of the iceberg with the folks who know so much better than you about every little thing!!!) :D

You're going to have enough frustration trying to decide on everything else...you don't need to complicate things by worrying about what some bozo has said to you.

And when your special day gets here and everything has amazingly fallen into place and is perfect, you'll wonder why in the world you sweated and worried so much back in June. :D And, of course, all the boars won't be there to see how wonderful everything turned out, so you'll have to gloat after your honeymoon.

Hang in there!!!!

ellery

06-17-2004, 07:53 PM

Oh Melanie... you ARE my angel! Swooping in with a virtual hug at a much needed time. Thank you!

Must remember from now on to just nod, smile, think about the weather, and no matter what, answer "Great! Everything's going great! I've found the man of my dreams, and I will finally fulfill my life's dream and destiny! Thanks for asking!" ;)

I wonder if this happens to anyone but me? I am a sort of walking Murphy's Law at times...

:)

Leah

mbrogier

06-17-2004, 08:55 PM

Ellery, couples that act like they never have a disagreement are LYING!!!! You can learn to disagree nicely and not try to kill you partner (it takes LOTS of practice:D ) I get really concerned about those women who go on and on about their white knight and think marriage is like a movie romance. ITS NOT!!! :p Its awesome, but its not like in the movies. Some people will be in for a rude awakening 6 months after their honeymoon...not that they would ever admit it. There are lots of people that have this annoying need to appear better than you at everything. You will make it through. I say keep DF, but I do think he's cruising for a bruising. ;) :D

Molli526

06-17-2004, 09:39 PM

Originally posted by mbrogier
Ellery, couples that act like they never have a disagreement are LYING!!!! You can learn to disagree nicely and not try to kill you partner (it takes LOTS of practice:D ) I get really concerned about those women who go on and on about their white knight and think marriage is like a movie romance. ITS NOT!!! :p Its awesome, but its not like in the movies. Some people will be in for a rude awakening 6 months after their honeymoon...not that they would ever admit it. There are lots of people that have this annoying need to appear better than you at everything. You will make it through. I say keep DF, but I do think he's cruising for a bruising. ;) :D

Well said Micah!

brewsate

06-17-2004, 11:04 PM

I'm not quite engaged, but would love to lurk on a wedding thread for ideas!!

HejazSunKat

06-17-2004, 11:51 PM

Originally posted by ellery
all you need to do is find an officiant and that's not too hard from what I'm hearing.

Don't count on that. I had a January wedding and since it was after the holidays it was easy to plan (all the party type vendors: Hall, caterer, musicians were free) EXCEPT for finding somebody to actually do the deed. We never thought that would be a problem either and we were getting down to the wire before I finally located someone. I imagine if you're just talking about booking a JP it would might be a simple matter but if you're looking for a minister (or other cleric) don't assume it's going to be easy.

I also wanted to throw in the thought that a wedding with a big guest list means you'll be walking around all night greeting guests instead of actually enjoying the affair (i.e. eating/dancing). We deliberately had a smaller wedding (75) because we wanted to be able to have time to enjoy our own party. As it was, I still didn't get a glass of wine until everybody went home and I had to stop the bartender in the act of packing up the bottles and demand a drink for the bride! :D

Have fun with your planning everybody. I'll enjoy lurking and seeing how your big days are shaping up.

boisewinesnob

06-18-2004, 12:10 AM

Originally posted by KristinK
Hi all! It's almost four months until our wedding -- October 23, 2004!

Just wanted to comment that I can't believe your wedding is coming up so soon Kristin!!!! It seems like you just posted about your engagement :)

mobear

06-18-2004, 05:33 AM

Leah,

My Brother and SIL fight quite a bit. They are just both very strongly opinionated and passionate people. However, they are also deeply in love and are very happy. And if you would believe, that my DF and I hardly fight. And when we do, we try very very hard to discuss our anger (this is because we grew up in households where one or both of our parents like to yell alot when angry, and we despise it.). So you would think it would be hard to believe that my brother and I have such different styles coming from the same upbringing? What I am trying to say is that there are people who argue more than others, but they are still happy if they choose to be happy. Maybe you and your DF are just more honest with each other than these people who never argue. Maybe your style of relationship is just different. BUT THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT! I think these people shouldn't go there because they obviously don't know you that well to know both yours and DF's styles and view your relationship in that context.

As a little girl, I never fantasized about finding my prince charming, or having weddings. I thought it was cheesy fantasy back then. You are not alone; some of us are just more practical.

I hope this helps.

ellery

06-18-2004, 06:27 AM

Aaaaaah. You guys rule. Thank you!

And we did it! Yippee yippee yippee! We had a calm discussion about wedding sites on the phone last night, I patiently explained why I thought we should do it at this particular site that DF had originally been the one to pull for, and he said cheerfully, "oh, okay. Why don't you go ahead and sign the contract and send it in." :rolleyes:

Well, if I'd known that all I had to do was speak calmly and reasonably to him in order to get him to agree...

So we have a site! Yippee! www.palmettodunesresort.com

And thanks for the heads up on the officiant, Linda. If the wedding is not till next May, what is the next most important thing to focus on now that we have the site out of the way? The catering is done on site, so that's taken care of, and they can do the cake too, although I have this weird idea that I'd love to have waffle cones for dessert (DF and I are addicted and I could personally live on ice cream alone). Should we focus on the photographer, officiant or the DJ next?

Thanks,

Leah

suddenly cheerful, cautious of boars disguised as people, and looking forward to thinking about something besides wedding sites

:D

Melman

06-18-2004, 06:42 AM

Congratulations!! See...that wasn't so horrible to accomplish, right? Just a little frustration...a little imagination...and, tada, one thing checked off your list!! :D

The pictures on the website are gorgeous!!! I may have to eventually wander toward HH. I still can't believe I've lived here my entire life and never made it down there.

HUNGRY!

06-18-2004, 06:46 AM

Congrats! That's great. I'd say officiant (although ours came with the church so I'm not sure how fast they book up), deffinately DJ and photographer. We waited on our DJ and had a hard time finding one(I started having nightmares about a man with an accordian in linderhose playing at our reception).

Don't worry about what other people say. I had a lot of people tell me that because we had dated more than 2.5 years that my FH would never propose. People say dumb things alot thinking that they're helping you. As for Mr. Expert at the gym, I'd say he's fooling himself. Ignore him.

Molli526

06-18-2004, 06:54 AM

Leah,

I would concentrate on the photographer, DJ and then the officiant.

zippy478

06-18-2004, 06:55 AM

Leah.....

Great news that you found a site! What a gorgeous setting that will make and I'm drooling over the menu!

You should focus on booking all three of those things next - the sooner the better. First, get an officiant that you will both be comfortable with. Then, get going on a photographer...May is an extremely busy month for wedding photographers and you want to get the best person for your money. And, just my two cents here - don't skimp on pictures...it will literally be all that is left after the guests go home and the honeymoon is over.

Anything that requires you to contract out their services i.e. DJ, photographer, officiant, videographer (if you choose to have one), salon services if you so desire, should be booked sooner rather than later.

Oh yea, and if you want to have waffle cones for dessert - go for it! That would be awesome and a great way to personalize your wedding reception! I personally love the idea but then again - I'm an ice cream junkie, too :p

ellery

06-18-2004, 06:55 AM

Originally posted by Melman
The pictures on the website are gorgeous!!! I may have to eventually wander toward HH. I still can't believe I've lived here my entire life and never made it down there.

Melanie!!! Shame on you!!!! If you tell me that you vacation in Myrtle Beach or some other overblown tourist trap like that, instead of our tranquil beaches with happy dolphins jumping all around...

Yeesh! :p

:D

Leah

p.s. no one agreed that waffle cones for dessert for a beach wedding is a brilliant idea?... who cares if it may be frought with disaster, bride spills chocolate ice cream down the front of her dress, someone trips on a wayward scoop, crashes into table, which crashes into tent awning, which brings the entire tent down on everyone's head... hmmm... what a memorable wedding! :D

Molli526

06-18-2004, 07:01 AM

Originally posted by ellery

p.s. no one agreed that waffle cones for dessert for a beach wedding is a brilliant idea?... who cares if it may be frought with disaster, bride spills chocolate ice cream down the front of her dress, someone trips on a wayward scoop, crashes into table, which crashes into tent awning, which brings the entire tent down on everyone's head... hmmm... what a memorable wedding! :D

But if that is what you want, go for it! It's your party :)

mobear

06-18-2004, 07:05 AM

I love ice cream! I personally think ice cream and chocolate chip cookies are responsible for at least 5 of my extra pounds! :D

Such beautiful pictures. You should have a lovely wedding.

I think I might get married on a Friday in the Fall...to help save money. Melman, what time in the Fall do you think has lovely weather and scenery in Greenville?

Edit post: I forgot to say thankyou to melman! I would appreciate any other recommendations you can get from your friends and own experience! I might need a caterer if we decide the Poinsett Club is not appropriate. Oh, and DF says that there are alot of younger new members in the Club. His father does own a successfull small business that has been in Greenville for some time now.

ChristyMarie

06-18-2004, 07:10 AM

On disagreements...

I think that disagreeing is ok - the important thing is how you express it to each other. If you can talk about them rationally then that is fine. You're never going to agree on every single detail. However, if the disagreements turn nasty of if you find yourself in an actual argument over the color of the napkins that might be a little red flag.

Just my .02

CookinMode

06-18-2004, 07:30 AM

I too am printing these posts like crazy! All of these little tidbits of wisdom I know will come in handy some day.

Can you believe that we have only been engaged for five weeks, but I already have the ceremony site, the officiant (my uncle), two reception sites on hold, and a DJ? So I'm kind of taking a breather right now from hard core planning and just gathering ideas (and trying to lose weight before I go buy the dress).

The thing that is stressing me out right now is that our parents are going to meet for the first time next week. We've been dating this whole time, and they've never met because of the distance. I keep telling myself it will be fine, but when I really start to think about it, I get kind of panicky. And of course, DF is terrified...not helping the situation!!

Lrimerman

06-18-2004, 07:31 AM

I am not planning a wedding, but my sister is. She is driving our entire family and probably her DF's family crazy. She has gone overboard and as my dad said. "Does she think she is having Princess Diana's wedding?" I know it is her wedding, but she really has gone off the deep end with it having to be just like the magazines say.

Anyhow, my aunt wants me to help her with a shower, but my sister is fighting my aunt about the whole shower thing too.

Maybe I can vent here and get some good ideas on how to approach her about things. My mom has sort of left all the issues with her to me because she just can't deal with her at this point.

A small example. My sister calls me on Monday at about 11 am and wants to know if I can bring my daughter to the bridal store to try on samples of the flowergirl dress that evening after sister gets off work. I also find out this is a different bridal store than the bridesmaids' dresses were ordered from, which was a different store than where she ordered her dress, so this is the third bridal store she is ordering from and it is farther away too. I say I can't because we already have plans that night, but could do it another night, Tuesday or Wednesday. Well that won't work because she works late tuesday and is getting her teeth bleached on Wednesday. Well she has to order them on Monday, can't wait. I have no idea what this dress looks like or how much it costs. So she asks me for daughter's size/measurement. Can't find DH's tape measure, so I tell her I will do it as soon as he calls me from work and I can ask him where the tape measure is. Not good enough. She goes ahead and orders a dress for my daughter (and for her DF's niece who is in the wedding). Never hear back from her. Call her next day. What is this dress, how much does it cost?, etc? She gets upset that I want to know what my daughter (5 years old) is wearing because my sister's wedding colors are red and black and silver. I see the dress in my catalog, it is adorable, I'm fine with it. However, I do bear the lecture about it is her wedding and she decides what they are wearing, I tell her yes, but it is my daughter and I would like to make sure I approve too, or at least know what it is (not that I would have a say, but I would like to feel comfortable with what my 5 year old is wearing). Ok, now how much is it? Well she hems and haws about telling me and says they haven't figured out what they are going to do about that yet, and so far she put the deposits on her charge card. Well the dresses are more expensive than the bridesmaid's dresses. The dress for my daughter is $160.00. That doesn't include that I have to buy tights, shoes and any alterations it may need. Now I can afford it, but would rather not have to spend that for a small child to wear once, and she didn't give us any notice or choice in the matter. I know her DF's sister can't afford it (they really don't have too much money). Her DF thinks it is ridiculous, but she already ordered them. Anyhow, my mom says that my sister is just going to have to pay for the dresses because she didn't really handle it the best way and we shouldn't be expected to pay that ridiculous amount. I have no idea what will happen, but this is just a minor incident compared to every other thing that has happened.

Sorry for the long post, I know it is her wedding, but I also don't know how to deal with her and the wedding plans.

Lisa

Sarah428

06-18-2004, 07:36 AM

Wow! Weddings are pretty popular this time of year. Mine is July 10th and pretty much planned, TG!

Leah - Based on previous experience please find an officiant first. My first wedding we ended up having to change the date because we couldn't find an officiant on the date we wanted (almost had to change location too!). And this time around it was a nightmare finding someone, see my thread.
Officiant search (http://community.cookinglight.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=57628)
There's usually plenty of djs and photographers to pick from if you call ahead but if you don't have an officiant you don't have a wedding!

Best wished to all us brides!

HUNGRY!

06-18-2004, 07:46 AM

Lisa,
That stinks about your sister. She should have waited for you. When's her wedding? I don't really feel comfortable with the whole dressing other people thing so I am letting my bridesmaid pick out their own (black) dresses. For the guys FH had to have tuxes so we ordered those but we are paying for half since I thought they were too $$ but they are important enough to FH that he was willing to do that. $160.00 is way too much for a little girl's dress IMO and you sister should know that.

As for the shower, tell your Aunt not to give her any choices then she can't fight her. Although, I am not one to talk since I am having shower stress right now and my family is probably saying the same thing about me! (See above post about hair).

Oh, and don't feel bad about disagreements because it has taken FI and I 2.5 months to pick out invitations. We're going to end up with e-vites. We're going to look at yet more stores this weekend.

NewMrsG

06-18-2004, 07:48 AM

Yay Leah! So glad G got his act together and gave in!

I would also say to find the officiant first - it's the ONE thing you can't have the wedding without (not counting the bride and groom themselves). We had a TON of trouble finding an officiant - turned out the date we'd picked was in the middle of a "no fly zone" when nearly all Rabbis refuse to do officiate at weddings. We'd had NO idea. Found one conservative Rabbi in the whole city of Boston willing to do our ceremony on the date we'd selected.

That said - think about the elements that are MOST important to you - for me, the photography was probably the most important thing - I knew I'd be looking at my wedding pictures for the rest of my life and they would be something to hand down to our kids, etc. So I wanted that to be done well and concentrated on it very early before the good photographers booked up. Things like the cake were less important to me, so they were put off a bit.

And I actually think that it's the unusual aspects of your wedding that people will remember most - the little touches that make it unique and personal to you and Greg - we chose to have a signature drink for the bar - so just beer, wine, and margaritas (which we love) - people really liked that and remembered it - and it made US happy! THe ONE request my DH had throughout the whole thing was that there be ice cream with the cake. So we had it!

And I have to agree about the fighting - certainly every single one of my friends who've gotten married never fought more than during wedding planning. It's stressful, brings out all kinds of issues and opinions and feelings right to the surface, involves families, and is a time of a lot of change, which, good change or bad change, is stressful. My DH and I rarely fought. Until we got engaged. And I'd also venture to say that fighting isn't necessarily a bad thing - those that aren't fighting probably also aren't communicating. Which can't be good...

CookinMode

06-18-2004, 08:41 AM

Just a reminder for all us brides-to-be, wedding planners/helpers, and wedding lovers that the Food Network is having their "Wedding Weekend" this Saturday and Sunday! Almost every show is associated with weddings in some fashion (almost). And who wouldn't miss the Paula Deen wedding, especially with all the fond, loving comments I've seen about Paula on the Food board (hehehe).

And of course, we leave for vacation tomorrow so I am thinking of taping some of the shows that I want to see the most - is that pathetic? I know DF will think I'm absolutely crazy, but I'm pretty used to that by now!

crlykat

06-18-2004, 08:48 AM

This is a fun thread to lurk on. :)
I've been married 4 years this September but love hearing all about them. Congratulations to all!

Leah, your choice of spots looks beautiful. Just ignore those morons who have thoughtless comments. Planning a wedding can be very stressful and you don't need their so-called help on top of that. My family almost drove me to the brink of insanity when I was planning mine. However, it was the most fun, joyous, and great day and all that junk was forgotten--now I have mostly :p lovely memories of that whole time.

I agree--find the officiant next. And then the photographer, which I absolutely agree you should not skimp on.
I look forward to wedding planning again through you guys--without my family's pressure this time. :)

RebeccaT

06-18-2004, 09:01 AM

Originally posted by Lrimerman

Sorry for the long post, I know it is her wedding, but I also don't know how to deal with her and the wedding plans.

Lisa

Lisa, I am so sorry that your sister has been so difficult. I think it might be something that her DF might need to address with her. I wonder if he might not be the most effective, since women have a tendency to blow off family members, especially mothers and sisters. COuld you and your mom have a talk with him, see if he thinks it's an issue, and maybe he could help her refocus on what's important?

Or maybe you could take her out to lunch, just the two of you, and address the issue gently. Either way, it's probably best not to bring up her attitude in the thick of a conversation or disagreement about the wedding, but bring it up when things are a little less volatile and comments are less likely to be perceived the wrong way.

FWIW... I am sorry you are having to deal with this!

Melman

06-18-2004, 09:03 AM

Originally posted by mobear
I might need a caterer if we decide the Poinsett Club is not appropriate. Oh, and DF says that there are alot of younger new members in the Club. His father does own a successfull small business that has been in Greenville for some time now.

I'll check with my friend that just got married recently. The food at her reception was incredible. The location of the reception was very nice too...but it might depend on how many people you'll have at the wedding.

That makes sense about the Poinsett Club. It's been around for so long, it's hard to think of it as adding a lot of younger new members!

Leah - I like your ice cream idea. My first thought also had to do with ice cream dribbling down your chin and/or dress. Simple solution...wear a white dress and eat only vanilla (just for that one day!) :D :D Your biggest problem might be the time of the year though. Today, in the mid-90's MIGHT not be the best time to pull out ice cream for a crowd. The last people would only have a puddle to try to pour into the cone. :D

I hate Myrtle Beach!! There. Happy? Actually, my family goes to Litchfield at least once a year. I sometimes go with them. My personal preference is that I would rather head north for any vacation than to go to the beach!!!

NewMrsG

06-18-2004, 09:16 AM

Lisa - that sounds awful! I wish I had words of wisdom for you - but really don't - other than validating that you absolutely have the right to set whatever limits you want to set. $160 for a dress for a 5-year-old girl just seems somehow obscene. Especially given that she ordered it without informing you of that upfront. Seems to me that would be only fair. If you sat her down and told her she was making everyone nuts and that much less excited than they would otherwise be for the wedding, would she hear you?

I went into my own wedding intentionally vowing not to be one of those brides. I did pick the color and for my bridesmaids, but told them to have whatever they wanted made to wear for the wedding - with the only limits being that they not show too much skin, since it was a fairly traditional Jewish wedding. And I paid for the material - all they had to pay for was to get the dresses made, unless they or a family member could do it themselves (which was the case for 3 of them). I didn't care what they did for shoes, jewelry, hair ... completely up to them. And they all looked beautiful and very much like themselves.

KristinK

06-18-2004, 10:05 AM

Sarah, wow, that was fast! And helios too, so soon! Best wishes!!!

Leah, hooray for you! I agree, the site is beautiful. I don't know too much about booking an officiant, since we are using the priest from my childhood church. We chose the date because it was the only one still available for October, and we booked our reception around that. Most of the standard places around here were booked, but we lucked out with the gorgeous mansion on my high school campus because they only started having weddings again last year and they don't advertise.

Meanwhile, we were still house-hunting, so our planning got pushed to the back burner -- until I read that the dress should be ordered 9 months beforehand, and here we were, nearly 7 months out. So my mom and I rushed to do that, and we finally ordered it with just enough time to get it by August.

My next panic was the photographer, so I agree that it's important. Not long after I found the dress, I spent one Friday (yes, during work hours!) calling about 20 photographers -- and only 2 were still available. I was so disappointed, but in the end, we found someone we loved, and for a great price too.

Regarding the DJ, that was one of our few initial disagreements. DF insisted on a DJ to save money, but my parents argued that a band makes the wedding, and I was torn. In the end, my dad pulled some strings and got us a pretty good deal for a great local band, not as good as a DJ, but enough to convince DF that it would be worth it. Anyway, DF called a few DJs, and there were plenty available from the places that had 10-15, although I'm sure the best ones were the few that were already booked.

Lisa, I'm sorry your sister is being so pushy. I think everyone expected me to be like that because I'm usually one to take complete control, but really, I never was one to picture my big, glorious wedding day. (Prepare for some sappiness...) The only things I really picture are walking down with my dad and standing at the altar with DF. God, I get so emotional just thinking about that. Um, ok, anyway ... so I've been pretty low-key. My mom and sister picked out simple dresses from Banana Republic for the bridesmaids, which, with my mom's discount, were just under $90. So I agree that the price for your daughter's dress -- especially ordered without even getting your opinion -- is absurd. Granted, I've seen some even more pricey flower girl dresses, but really, I don't think it's worth it. Although I'm sure your daughter will feel like a pretty, pretty princess! I guess you need to take everything your sister says and does with a grain of salt, because weddings have a way of making some brides lose their minds.

Originally posted by boisewinesnob
Just wanted to comment that I can't believe your wedding is coming up so soon Kristin!!!! It seems like you just posted about your engagement :)
Suzy, I know! :D We really can't believe it either. Every month, around the 23rd, I get so excited to think we're one month closer. Yay!

Lrimerman

06-18-2004, 10:10 AM

Thanks for the advice, my mom suggested talking to my sisters DF (Jeff) and so I called him the other day in the morning when I knew he was at work. I asked him if he could call me when he had time to chat without my sister around. He said he had time then. I explained how the whole family (including aunts, etc) are going nuts with my sister and her crazy plans. He seems to agree and said a lot of it was his fault since he has been working so many hours he hasn't been really helping her. He thought the price of the flowergirl dresses were crazy too. I also mentioned to him that we are her family and love her no matter what, but if she is driving us this crazy what does his family think who don't have the close bond to her. I really don't want her to burn bridges with his family before they are even married. He said he would talk to her, but he also said that sometimes talking to her is like talking to a wall (so true). He is a really nice guy, but very passive, so I don't know how much he will confront her with issues.

Haven't heard from her or him since then (a few days ago). My parents haven't heard from her either, so she is probably fuming.

In the meantime, I talked to my aunt and I think we are just going to plan her a shower ourselves with really no input from her. My aunt lives in a different town, so she wanted my sister to find a place to have the shower. Well the place my sister found is $250.00 to rent the room and $15-$22 per person for lunch plus dessert and drinks. Well my sister wants 70-80 people invited to the shower. My aunt said no way. My sister won't budge on the number or find a different place, has turned down every suggestion. My aunt said she is limiting it to about 35 people and asked me to find a place. Of course, my sister won't like it and now I am going to be the bad person (again). My sister is being a martar (sp?) and saying she would rather not have a shower than not be able to invite everyone on her list. Apparently she doesn't think his side is throwing a shower because of $$ issues, but she wants our side to include all his extended family and friends, etc. in this shower. So now it is the middle of June and no shower plans.

Her wedding is October 30, 2004. I am due with my third child November 15th. It is inconvienient to say the least, but was not planned to mess up her wedding (although that is her opinion). I haven't gone to term with my other two kids, so it is pretty touch and go how close to the wedding I will deliver. I can't control it, but she is mad that I won't commit to helping with certain tasks the week of the wedding, I just can't commit, I told her I will help as much as I can, but I won't commit myself to her then because I don't know what will be going on with my and how I will feel.

I am the Matron of Honor, my daughter is a flowergirl and my son is the ringbearer, so for now that is enough on my plate to get us all there (and DH) the day of the wedding. She wants all the wedding party to come out to the venue and help set up in the morning (it is 45 minutes from my house and I live the closest to the venue), so I told her that maybe I would, but can't guarantee it, and maybe I would send DH (even though he isn't in the wedding). She also wants us all to go to her hair salon/spa to get our hair and nails, etc. done, she is paying for it supposedly (which really isn't the issue for me). However, it is a good 40 minutes from my house (opposite direction of the wedding location) and I have 2 kids and a hubby to get ready as well, and I will either have a newborn or be very, very pg. I told her I will plan on going, but it may depend. If things are happening to me, I will go to my hairdresser who is 5 minutes from my house. I probably won't want to be driving all over town if I am having contractions. Which with DS (my 2nd) I was having contractions and in labor for about 2 weeks before he was born.

It is just hard, I want to help and do things for the wedding, but there are limits and she can't understand that. She takes it all personally.

Lisa

crlykat

06-18-2004, 10:27 AM

Wow Lisa, hang in there! I feel for you. :(

RebeccaT

06-18-2004, 10:27 AM

Oh good Lord.

Lisa, I don't know what else to say other than bless your heart. You have got your hands full, and it sounds like you are handling it the best that you can under the circumstances. She wants you to be at her beck and call when, at best, you will be 2 weeks away from delivering a baby? Oh my goodness.

I hope this doesn't come off sounding wrong, but it sounds like your DS is racking up a lot of incidents that she is really going to regret in a few years. :(

NewMrsG

06-18-2004, 10:40 AM

Good lord is right! Maybe someone needs to tell her that she's not actually ENTITLED to a shower - that's a gift to her, and one doesn't get to make up their own criteria for gifts given to them. I'd set some limits - tell her where it's going to be and when to show up. I honestly don't think it's up to her! It's up to the hosts!

I'd be getting a lot less nice than you're being - (very easy for me to say, I know).

I probably shouldn't be saying mean things about your sister, who I know you love and is probably a wonderful person otherwise. But ... wow.

:(

helios7

06-18-2004, 12:24 PM

Wow. There are some great stories here.... I've enjoyed reading them all.

Officiants - definitely start working on. We're getting married on July 4 with a civil ceremony! I think I called 30 people before I found a delightful older man who was willing to help us out. It was such a problem, as was finding a hair stylist. I got lucky, and one woman was willing to help us but now the first person will go at 8:30 for a 4pm wedding because she's doing all 5 bridesmaids, my mom and me alone! [I'm paying for this for everyone, and will tip nicely for her time]

Photographer - again I think we got lucky because we found what we think is a great one [haven't actually met, planning this wedding long distance] and judging from how much her prices went up from last year she's becoming quite sought after. Luckily for us we get last years prices because otherwise we couldn't afford her! Also consider whether you want to purchase negatives, and if your photographer will sell them. We wanted them, and ours would - but its definitely something to consider.

Florist - I hope your date isn't near Mother's Day! That's really going to affect finding a florist!

Just a few thoughts for you Leah, hope they're helpful!

ChristyMarie

06-18-2004, 12:45 PM

Lisa...your sister sounds just awful!!! $160 for a flower girl? Good grief. And does she realize that someone else is supposed to throw her a shower out of the goodness of their heart and that she isn't supposed to have anything to say about it? Oh, and it is just supposed to be the close females? I can't believe this Bridezilla has 80 close female friends.... ;-)

What is it with people and weddings??? Some just go plain insane.

KristinK

06-18-2004, 12:52 PM

Bless your heart, indeed, Lisa. I will say one good thing about your sister -- she has chosen a great date, my parents' anniversary. May it bring her a long and happy marriage, even if it tears her family apart!

Leah, I forgot to say not to worry about what others say about you and your DF. Only you really know how wonderful you are together. On the outside, I think a lot of people think DF and I are big bores since we never go out, but really, we just enjoy each other's company so much that we prefer to be together. Not that we never fight, of course. :rolleyes:

Actually, on our drive home from the shore last weekend, we started talking about our first year together. We had some really big fights back then. :( Thankfully, those days seem to be long gone. I think it's because we're usually too tired when we see each other to bother with arguments! ;)

HUNGRY!

06-19-2004, 05:25 AM

Lisa! That's awful! Maybe she will realise that her FI was right after their talk and smarten up. I would be really excited if someone were pregnant at my wedding- its the whole circle of life thing.

Kristin, we fought a lot our first few years too. That was in college though where drama abounded. In fact, a lot of my friends who met in college fought a lot at school too and then we all calmed down after we graduated. Of course they all got married 1-2 years out and it took us 4 but that's okay. :rolleyes:

We're off to look at invitations again today. Wish us luck! We may also pick out his wedding band. He didn't want one matching mine (I have platinum and he wants gold). I didn't think it was a big deal but it has caused a minor contoversy. Do people do this any more? The jewler didn't think it was weird. Anyway, we already ordered mine and have to go pick it up- its a thin platinum band with saphires and diamonds. I love it.

As a surprise to him I'm going to have it engraved with "Love is eternal" which is what Abraham and Mary Todd Lincoln had on their wedding bands. He's a big history buff and will love that.

ellery

06-19-2004, 08:01 AM

Just an FYI...

The "oxygen" channel is having a marathon of sorts of "The Knot - Real Weddings" shows this weekend. I watched two episodes last night and don't know when they'll be on or anything like that, but they did say that they'll be having the marathon this weekend. The knot, of course, is the BB where people call each other names, but their TV show wasn't bad. Now that I'm actually getting married too, sappy shows like that suck me in...:rolleyes:

Leah

Chefzhat

06-19-2004, 08:09 AM

Lisa, your sister is riding the "bridezilla train" for sure. Bless your heart. She sounds like my sister. And planning her wedding was horror itself. A story you don't need to hear.

Sorry for the butt-in. Just wanted to give Lisa virtual hug.

Carry on!

mbrogier

06-19-2004, 12:02 PM

Ellery, I woke up this morning with a thought for your ice cream at the reception! (sad, huh?) :p Some ice cream places have portable ice cream freezer carts and your guests could "order" their cones from a vendor. You could have two or three flavors to choose from in waffle cones. I think the waffle cones are a really neat idea.

Lisa, sorry about your sister. Just try to relax. Maybe when she's pregnant she'll realize what she did to you...but probably not. :rolleyes: We're here to empathize, though.

HUNGRY!

06-20-2004, 06:02 AM

Woo hoo! We finally ordered invitations! No e-vites for us! I am so relieved. FI is so picky when it comes to stuff like that. We looked at 20 books yesterday (we spent almost $8 on parking because we had to keep feeding the meter). Finally he picked one though. I should have known this would be this hard because he is always horrible about picking Christmas cards (some years to the point where he doesn't send any because it takes him too long to pick them out). Anyway, we got it done although he said later that he felt rushed when picking out the script. Script is script is what I think :rolleyes:

An ice cream man at your wedding would be so cool. I love that idea.

mobear

06-20-2004, 07:35 AM

Has anyone used one of those wedding planning guide books? The ones with checklists and all? I didn't know if they were worth it in helping keeping you organized. If you really like yours, please let me know what it is called and the author.

JanetJ

06-20-2004, 08:39 AM

Originally posted by HUNGRY!
:

We're off to look at invitations again today. Wish us luck! We may also pick out his wedding band. He didn't want one matching mine (I have platinum and he wants gold). I didn't think it was a big deal but it has caused a minor contoversy. Do people do this any more? The jewler didn't think it was weird. Anyway, we already ordered mine and have to go pick it up- its a thin platinum band with saphires and diamonds. I love it.

As a surprise to him I'm going to have it engraved with "Love is eternal" which is what Abraham and Mary Todd Lincoln had on their wedding bands. He's a big history buff and will love that.

Just wanted to jump in on the non-matching wedding bands. I have platinum and DH has gold. A few people have seemed very surprised by our rings not matching, but I never really gave it a second thought. I just wanted him to have a ring he loved, our joke is that it makes him less likely to take it off. ;) I love the inscription you are going to use.

I've been lurking on this thread, but haven't had tons to contribute since I got married in Las Vegas last March and didn't have to really worry too much about officiants, DJ's, etc... I do love reading about everyone's plans. Enjoy this time, it goes by so quickly!

HUNGRY!

06-21-2004, 07:11 AM

Thanks Janet! I picked mine up on Saturday and it was hard not to wear it yet!

Mobear, I got some sort of wedding planner thing but I haven't found it very helpful. Its bulky so I have a much easier time with a small notebook that I can bring to work, pull out on the train, etc. I am not a very organised person though so it probably depends a lot on your personality.

ellery

06-21-2004, 07:28 AM

Just wondering... do we need to make this a weekly thread? or monthly?

Leah

who's now got a place and a date and is now realizing that she's gonna be Mrs. R (a title that belongs to someone else, someone with overly plucked eyebrows, scary fingernails, and a semi-scary personality at times... don't know why that realization just occurred to me this weekend...)

KristinK

06-21-2004, 08:58 AM

Leah, the thread seems to have slowed down since you first started it. Then again, it could have been because of the weekend. Still, I think a monthly thread might be a good idea.

You reminded me of this thread: Last Name - So Frustrating! (http://community.cookinglight.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=34482&highlight=hislastname)
I plan on taking his last name too, although I'm still undecided about using my middle name or my last name instead.

What about everyone else?

Hungry, we started dating in college too. There seemed to be so many things working against us! But, like I said, those days seem to be behind us now.

That's good you got the invitations. It makes me feel better since we're three weeks after you. We're having our taste-testing with the caterer tonight, and hopefully, we can order ours later this week. We already have them pretty much picked out -- I knew I wanted something simple and classic, and I kept going back to the same one. It will be such a relief to get it out of the way.

I think rings can go either way these days. Neither of us really likes gold jewelry, and since my e-ring is platinum, we will most likely stick with that, although DF might insist on white gold for himself, just to save money. He doesn't wear jewelry (except a Nike sports watch :o ), so he's not sure if he'd even want to wear it everyday. It doesn't help that I told him I've never seen my dad wear his -- but DF isn't in construction! We'll see.

Heather, I don't use a wedding planning book. I just have a daily planner where I mark my appointments and important numbers, plus a HUGE binder with all my contracts and other paperwork, and pages with magazine clippings and photos. I have a copy of Martha Stewart's checklist in the front.

NewMrsG

06-21-2004, 09:33 AM

Just had to chime in on the changing-your-name topic -

We got married almost 14 months ago and I chose to hyphenate my name. I struggled with this decision from before we were engaged to the day we applied for our marriage license and I had to report what my married name would be. It would have been difficult professionally to just be Mrs. his-last-name, but I hated the idea of having a completely different name from my DH - especially when we would had kids and they would carry his last name. THere was something very spiritual for me about sharing a family name. So I hyphenated. In some ways I really hate it. Neither name is very long, but together, they're long enough that most places can't fit the whole name on their forms. People seem overwhelmed and confused by my name - just this morning I called to transfer our electric service for the new house, told them my DH's name was on the account - they asked for his name, which I gave them. Then they asked for my name. They seemed very confused that my name was different (I KNOW I'm not the first person in the state of MA to do this!!)

I'm starting to learn, slowly!, when to just go by Jori his-last-name (which I like to do socially), and when to give my legal name, but it is a pain in the butt. Then again, I'm not sure I'd be entirely happy with the other options either. It was a very tough thing for me.

Our rings don't match either - we felt the same way - we'd be wearing them the rest of our lives, they should be rings we loved looking at! Someone on one of the wedding boards said she had "Put me back on" inscribed in her DH's ring. Loved that...

I LOVE the ice cream cart idea!!

HUNGRY!

06-21-2004, 12:31 PM

I guess I have to decide by August (when we apply for our liscence) what to do about my name. I think I'll take his and keep my middle name. Although my brothers were bugging me so I convinced my whole family that we are both going to change our last names to a combination of the first three letter sof each of our last names. I even have some of them addessing my mail that way now. Its pretty funny that they believed me. FH told his family that I was going to take his middle name as well and become Jill Brice.

Thanks for the validation on the rings. I didn't think it was that weird either.

I think a monthly thread would be the best. Weekly might be too hard to keep up with.

helios7

06-21-2004, 12:47 PM

Our rings don't match entirely. Mine is platinum with princess cut diamonds inset and his is plain white gold. A note for thrifty brides - our jeweler was very honest. He told my Fiance that he could have the same ring in plat for $1000, or white gold for $200. Of course mine made his commission sizeable enough that he didn't need to worry about lost income....:rolleyes:

Regarding names - I can't wait to unload my last name. Never liked it much. But that's me. I respect other's different opinions, I just always knew I wanted to take my husbands name and I lucked out because I love his name. :)

I love this thread. Okay, must go call florist.

:) 13 days

Sarah45

06-21-2004, 01:12 PM

First of all, Good Luck to all of you planning your weddings! I just celebrated my 1 year anniversary in April so I know how much fun/work/craziness it can be.

I do have to say that the weirdest thing was going to the grocery store right after the wedding and NOT reading all the covers of the bridal magazines! I know they are full of useless information but the wedding really taked so much of your thought that you still look at all of those covers and think you might get an inspirational idea!

Our wedding was the best day of my life, DH and I had a wonderful time with family and friends at our ceremony and party and I hope all of you have as great a time as we did.

Oh yeah, now I am on the other end. My sister in law announced her engagement 2 weeks after our wedding and both DH and I are in it!

stefania4

06-21-2004, 03:54 PM

Wow, I had forgotten about that old name thred! Interestingly enough, I recently wrote to DH's grandmother to give her some family history (they're very attentive to geneaology) and told her that my last name is Myname, not Hisname. DH got very upset with me afterwards and said we'd never hear from her again.

Not so! This evening I got the mail and found that not only did she send me a birthday card, but she addressed it correctly to Stephanie Myname. She wrote a little note inside saying she's "just old-fashioned" and simply never thought to ask if I'd be taking DH's name.

For whatever it's worth DH and I also have non-matching wedding bands and, quite frankly, I don't think anyone has ever noticed! With his dark complexion and black hair he wears silver tones very well, so he has a platinum band. Anything in the silver/lavender/powder blue family makes me look cadaverous - I'm definitely a warm tones woman. My wedding ring is a plain gold band.

And I'm astounded at a $160 flowergirl dress, never mind having EIGHTY people at a shower! If you ever let her be a flower girl again - and I wouldn't blame you if you didn't - e-bay is a wonderful resource for dresses.

ellery

06-22-2004, 06:23 AM

Here's my wedding question of the day...

Bridal shows? Did anyone go to one? Was it helpful? Did you bring the man or did he get the day off?

Thanks,
Leah

:)

kabs

06-22-2004, 06:33 AM

I went to a bridal show. My SIL wanted to go so I went with her. At the time, I was intimidated. I was just newly engaged. I didn't even know where to start! So when vendors approached me, I didn't even know what to ask them. Plus, I am not getting married in the city I live in, so lots of the vendors were of no use to me. So, at the time, I thought it was a waste of time. HOWEVER, I will say, that I have gone back to my plastic bag full of leaflets and business cards and searched out stationers, spas, and dress shops. So I will say that I am glad I went! Things that I thought I'd have no use for 6 months ago, came in handy when you're in the thick of planning!

Oh, one more thing, there were lots of vendors there with 10% off coupons, or more. Some were giving things away. I got a 25% off coupon to a very nice spa downtown, which prompted me to get a facial which I never would have done otherwise. So, there's some perks!

:)
Kim

BTW- I did not take DF. I saw about 2 men there that day, and they looked MISERABLE. It might be a good bargaining chip if you let DF sit that one out. :D

kabs

06-22-2004, 06:38 AM

Just wanted to add that I love this thread! Great idea, Leah!

To add to the wedding band topic, we haven't gotten our rings yet, but when my brother and SIL got theirs, she was insistent that they get matching bands. Her e-ring is platinum, which added a significant cost to the wedding bands. The jeweler told my brother the very same thing that helios7 said- there's an imperceptible difference in the look of white gold and platinum, but a big difference in cost.

My e-ring is yellow gold, and I don't think I will care what DF wants. Although I think he said that he wants yellow gold.

:)

Sarah45

06-22-2004, 06:40 AM

:eek: :eek: :eek:

I was quite overwhelmed by the thought of having 4 showers and very worried about how it would look (like I was trolling for presents). BUT, I had a great time at all of my showers and it was fun seeing people before the wedding. I got to spend more time with everyone and in the case of some of DH's extended family it was the first time I ever met them. Luckily we only played a game at one (DH's family :D ) so I didn't have to go through that agony 4 times.

Showers can be fun get-togethers or nightmares, depends on who is planning them.

As far as DH, he made his appearance at the beginning of the shower gven by his family but 2 others were 5 and 4 hours away and since my Mom and I were running around those weekends doing wedding stuff he stayed home. The one given by people where we actually live was a SO's invited shower but he was out of town on business so I was the only one solo :( .

Edited to add: DH and I have different wedding bands (mine is yellow gold and platinum and his is platinum) and I changed my last name but kept my middle name not my maiden name (leaglly that is, at work I go by Sarah MaidenName DHname)

HUNGRY!

06-22-2004, 06:57 AM

I went to two bridal shows- one here in DC and one in Boston. The one in DC was just a fun way to spend my Saturday one day when FI was working. I enjoyed the fashion show and got a free dish towel from Kohl's. The one in Boston was with my mom and aunt. That was fun too. We had a great time climbing into the back of a stretch hummer and relaxing. We also got tons of free stuff, and more dish towels. The bad part- tons of junk mail and sales calls!

stefania4

06-22-2004, 07:15 AM

Originally posted by Sarah45
I was quite overwhelmed by the thought of having 4 showers and very worried about how it would look (like I was trolling for presents). BUT, I had a great time at all of my showers and it was fun seeing people before the wedding.Assuming you didn't have the same guest list for all 4, I see nothing wrong with it. Since we eloped and had a small reception I had one shower and I had a great time seeing my Mom, sister, and friends.

The only time I ever felt I was being hit up for presents was when I was invited to an acquaintance's engagement party (bring a gift), "gourmet goodies" party (bring a gourmet gift), and 2 showers in addition to the actual wedding. By the time the actual wedding rolled around I was flat broke. We've lost touch (imagine that!) but I heard through the grapevine that she recently DEMANDED that her friends throw her a shower for her second child.

NewMrsG

06-22-2004, 07:18 AM

I went to one bridal show. It was about 7-8 months into our year-long engagement - and by then we'd booked most of our vendors, so in that sense it was not so helpful. For some odd reason, they tend to only have them at certain times of the year, so if they don't fall at an opportune time in your wedding planning they're much less helpful.

However, we did find our videographer by going to the bridal show and were able to taste 2-3 cakes while we were there.

I would say definitely not to bring the DF - I went with my mom. And I agree that the very few men there looked absolutely miserable. And take some preaddressed address stamps if you intend to sign up for some things - that way you're not writing out your name/address a couple hundred times.

Sarah45

06-22-2004, 07:32 AM

Originally posted by ellery
Here's my wedding question of the day...

Bridal shows? Did anyone go to one? Was it helpful? Did you bring the man or did he get the day off?

Thanks,
Leah

:)

Duh, Bridal SHOW. Man, yesterday I had the excuse that it was past noon. Today? I don't know what my problem is. Carry on and ignore ol' me :D

KristinK

06-22-2004, 08:16 AM

Originally posted by Sarah45
Duh, Bridal SHOW. Man, yesterday I had the excuse that it was past noon. Today? I don't know what my problem is. Carry on and ignore ol' me :D
:D But we can talk about showers too!

I know my family is planning a surprise shower for me. My mom already told me that my godmother asked if she could host it. Not long after, DF told me that my mom called his mom to ask for names and addresses, and then he asked, "Was I not supposed to tell you that?" THEN I was at my parents' one afternoon and was using the bathroom upstairs when my mom started playing her messages, and there was one from my sister asking if she needed any help with my shower, at which point my mom promptly stopped the message. I still have no idea when the date is, but I'm guessing it will be sometime within the next month or two, even though my registry is still wide open. (Yes, I peeked! :eek: )

But back to bridal shows, I never went to one. Like Kim, there were a couple right after we got engaged, and I didn't think I was ready to jump right into planning. I don't do too well in large crowds anyway, although if I had known there were discounts to be found ... ;)

I wouldn't have dragged DF along. Poor guy suffered enough through our taste-testing last night. We both eat very healthfully, although lately he's been really restricting himself to plain foods -- plain grilled chicken, plain brown rice or pasta, plain steamed veggies. (He seems to be preparing for a body-building contest that he'll never enter! :rolleyes: ) Anyway, he didn't taste a thing, so he just sat there for two hours while my mom kept insisting he try this or that and the catering manager kept questioning him about what he WILL eat on the wedding day. I picked around some of my food while my parents really dug in, so we're hoping we can trust my parents' judgement. We'll probably have another tasting or two to finalize everything, but at least we have a better idea of what to put on our reception cards.

So that's my latest news. :)

HUNGRY!

06-22-2004, 03:16 PM

Kristin,so what did you pick? We haven't done our tasting yet, but we won't have enough people to do a split meal so we have to pick for everyone. We might do traditional turkey dinner but I don't want everyone to fall asleep! My other current fave is grilled chicken topped with proscutto and asagio, yummy.

KristinK

06-22-2004, 04:11 PM

We still have to narrow down our choices for hors d'oeurves. My favorites of the ones we tried were the Spanakopita and the Coconut Scallops (even though I picked off the fried coconut coating, I could still taste it on the scallop enough to tell it was good!). I think we can choose 6 passed hors d'oeurves, plus a station. The manager said the pasta station is the most popular, but I think it would be awkward during the cocktail hour. (Plus, we tried a sample of the marinara sauce and it tasted like jarred!) We will likely go with a simple cheese/vegetable/fruit station.

For salad, we chose the Tossed Mesclun Greens with Gorgonzola, Pears, and Candied Walnuts in a Balsamic Vinaigrette. We're not sure about the chicken dish, because we only tried the Lemon Chicken, which wasn't very impressive (but it was late and we were getting grumpy). One other option that caught my eye was the Pecan-Crusted Chicken, but I know at least one aunt is allergic to nuts, so it might be better to avoid that. My dad is insisting on upgrading to the Beef Tenderloin with Wild Mushrooms and Merlot Sauce, so we'll have to be sure to make other adjustments in our budget to pay for it (there goes the raw bar!). We are also going to include a third vegetarian option (actually vegan, mainly for my brother and his girlfriend). We liked the roasted potatoes and asparagus or string beans as sides.

Like I said, we'll probably have at least one other meeting to finalize the menu. At least for now, we have enough for the invitations. I thought it would be nice to have the full description, but since we haven't settled it yet, we'll just go with Beef, Chicken, or Vegetarian. Boring! :rolleyes:

Hmmm. I sure am wordy tonight. Anyway, if I could have anything, I would have loved to have something more fall-ish, like a turkey dinner. Or at least sweet potatoes. The chicken sounds great too. You'll have to be sure to post when you choose -- maybe you could inspire me for my chicken dish!

JenniferJJ

06-22-2004, 04:50 PM

De-lurking to say that I love your proposed menu Kristin. What are the other hors d'oeurves you are considering? And what is Spanakopita? I'm guessing some kind of cheese on a pita from my Greek festival attendings, but I've never heard this exact name.

HUNGRY!

06-23-2004, 05:55 AM

There were some beef options at our place which weren't too much more than chicken, so hopefully your Dad won't blow your budget too much. We get three passed hors d'oeurves. I think we will do bacon wrapped scallops, shrimp, and something else. I hate seafood but I thought it would be cruel to bring in so many Ohioans and feed them chicken only (we're having our reception right near the water in Plymouth, Mass)! We also get a bruschetta bar with our package which I thought was really cool. I am contemplating adding dessert along with the cake. I don't know. I guess it depends on how many people come. I agree a pasta bar during cocktail hour would be strange. Not exactly stand up food.

I think Spanakopita is a greek filling wrapped in phyllo dough. Its yummy, if its what I'm thinking of.

NewMrsG

06-23-2004, 07:12 AM

Your menus all sound great ladies!

Just something to think about Kristin, for the menu - with our caterer, we had to pay an extra $2 pp for each additional entree choice over 1. We also had some vegetarians attending and wanted to offer a vegetarian choice, but it was cheaper for us to have that more as an exception rather than a solid option (our caterer would honor special diets for a few people without charging us the extra pp charge). I had a little line at the bottom of the menu choice card in my invites saying "Vegetarian option available upon request"

Every caterer seems to have a different pricing system, but I also noticed when planning my wedding that you never knew about this stuff unless you asked.

In case it helps save you money ... :)

stefania4

06-23-2004, 08:29 AM

Originally posted by NewMrsG
Every caterer seems to have a different pricing system, but I also noticed when planning my wedding that you never knew about this stuff unless you asked. So very, very true! We had our reception at a restaurant that had never done a reception before and was very willing to branch out into whatever foods we wanted. Our first all-appetizer menu had lots of shellfish and, when I revised it and took out the clams and oysters and replaced them with vegetarian appetizers the price stayed the same. It was either an oversight or an attempt to increase their profit margin - they fixed it, but you do have to pay attention to these things.

KristinK

06-23-2004, 09:44 AM

Originally posted by NewMrsG
I had a little line at the bottom of the menu choice card in my invites saying "Vegetarian option available upon request"That's a great idea! My brother and his girlfriend might be the only ones who would choose it, but I didn't want to make anyone else think they'd have to pick chicken or beef and just eat the sides.

The caterer has been the exclusive caterer for our site for 10 years, but it was mostly for fundraisers and school functions. The school started holding weddings there last fall, so the caterer is still working on his wedding packages for the site. He doesn't seem to be clear on all the additions, so we're waiting to hear from him to get a better idea of the price including the vegetarian option, the upgraded beef, plus the upgraded linens and chairs. I have a feeling we're in for a big blow. And we still haven't heard back from the florist. :(

Jennifer, yes, Spanakopita is spinach and feta cheese wrapped in phyllo. We also tried breaded fantail shrimp, scallops wrapped in bacon, broccoli and ham-and-cheese quiches, sesame chicken strips, mini beef wellington, and some fried avocado and parmesan thing. (Actually, my parents tried them, and I picked at them.) Some other options are chicken pineapple brochettes, beef teriyaki kebabs, Swedish meatballs, and mini stuffed mushrooms with crab meat.

Hungry, the bruschetta bar sounds great! I once had a bruschetta trio with the basic recipe, plus one with mushrooms and, my favorite, one with smoked salmon and capers. Yum!

I was also thinking of a dessert table, especially because I could include a vegan cake. But then our caterer told us that he did a wedding last year that served cake and then had a huge dessert display ... that basically went untouched. He has suggested that we don't even serve the cake, and simply place some slices on the coffee/dessert table for guests to eat at their leisure, because so much cake gets wasted. I still haven't ruled out some extra finger desserts though... :)

ellery

06-23-2004, 09:57 AM

Originally posted by KristinK
I was also thinking of a dessert table, especially because I could include a vegan cake. But then our caterer told us that he did a wedding last year that served cake and then had a huge dessert display ... that basically went untouched. He has suggested that we don't even serve the cake, and simply place some slices on the coffee/dessert table for guests to eat at their leisure, because so much cake gets wasted. I still haven't ruled out some extra finger desserts though... :)

Hmmm... that sounds like a good idea. I'm still on my kick of wanting to have waffle cones, and the catering chick is running with it, thought it was brilliant, etc. :D Which makes me wonder if I will therefore need a smaller wedding cake, as people may not want both wedding cake and ice cream? I know if I eat at all (nerves, euphoria, you name it), I'm going for the waffle cone, not the cake. Decisions, decisions...

Thoughts?

Leah

kabs

06-23-2004, 10:08 AM

Leah, I love your waffle cone idea!

DF and I are not cake people, we are PIE people (apple and pecan, respectively :D )so we are serving pie-not cake- at our reception. We found a wonderful local baker who will make us lots of different kinds of pies and we'll set them out on the dessert table with cute markers to identify each. It is big Pie Country where we're getting married, including GRAPE PIE. I have to admit, I'm not a grape pie fan, but lots of people up there are! We are going to let our guests serve themselves. I am always ready to get up and walk around at the end of a wedding meal, so I am not bothered by this at all. We're also going to have a coffee station (self-serve) instead of having it served at the table. I was amazed at the $$$ we will save by doing an "untraditional" dessert!

Here's our dilemma, maybe some of you can chime in with your opinion: DF thinks we should get a little cake for the ceremonial "cutting of the cake". He wants to have something to eat on our first anniversary. I think if we're going to go with the pie idea, we should go all out. No cake. We could have our pie lady make us an unbaked pie and we could freeze that instead. Any opinions?

Kim

JenZen

06-23-2004, 10:18 AM

kabs,

DH and I decided on pies, as well, because we, too, are not cake people. We had relatives bake pies, and we cut our favorite one for the "pie cutting." (It was blackberry with a pecan streusel. yum.) Anyway, for our one-year anniversary, I think I'll just bake the same flavor of pie that we used for the cutting.

Here's a pic of our pies. I couldn't get it rotated properly. Sorry.

http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid83/p0a46c4f77b8a273607354358466a0f9f/fadf3e9f.jpg

Jen

kabs

06-23-2004, 10:28 AM

Jen-

Love, love, love your pie table! :) Thanks for posting that pic. It looks like you got married in the fall too. We're going to have pumpkins and gourds on the pie table as well. How neat to have relatives bake the pies for you! That wouldn't work for us, as most of the people have to travel to get there...

So- can I ask: What were your table decorations? (Guest dinner tables). That is what I'm working on right now.

KristinK

06-23-2004, 10:29 AM

Leah, I think the ice cream -- at least from a cart -- would be different because people could go up whenever the mood strikes them. My mom wants us to try to serve ice cream too, which we might do if we have a server dishing cake and ice cream at the coffee table, simply because she likes her cake with ice cream too.

Kim, I was hoping Jen would pop back in! I think the pie would work for cake-cutting, but bear in mind that some people ARE cake people. ;)

Jen, your table is what I was imagining for my dessert table. Martha Stewart had a great spread with pies and such in her Winter magazine, I think. I just can't get it out of my head!

NewMrsG

06-23-2004, 10:42 AM

I just think these are all such great ideas, actually! And one of the things I really liked about getting married during these times (and at a somewhat older age than most, too, actually) is that the trend really is to make your wedding YOURS - it's the fun, unique stuff that sticks out.

We did have a cake, but were able to pick 3 different flavors at no additional cost, one of which was tiramisu. SO I was sold. We asked our caterer for ice cream to go with it and they made ice cream bombes, which were really good. So DH was happy too.

Not that I actually tasted the cake at the wedding, of course ... :)

kabs, I think you can cut into your pie just as easily as a cake. And I actually would advise against trying to save some cake for your first anniversary - I've never heard anyone say it was any good. (not that it's impossible, just have never heard it work personally). Lots of the bakers we spoke with offered a mini-cake at your first anniversary (either as a free bonus or at a very reduced cost).

And this is just my opinion, but I honestly wouldn't go overboard on desserts. I just think people won't really eat most of it and it goes to waste. The ice cream and cake were plenty and we had TONS leftover of just that.

Jen - your pies look beautiful!

Leah - I think cake is still okay, but maybe just get a smaller one? Bakers can construct smaller cakes to look just as grand as bigger ones by using mock layers - cuts down on your costs without making it look puny. Just a thought.

Oh - and with regard to appetizers (and then I'll shutup, I promise!) our caterer recommended that we pick appetizers using more expensive ingredients so that we didn't have as much "pressure" to have them for the entree - we paid a set price for 5 passed appetizers and a stationary cheese/crackers/fresh fruit/dip table. So we picked steak and shrimp and those sorts of things for the appies, was much cheaper that way and we still got in some really good ingredients. Just another thought. ...

Now how I can remember these details, but can't remember what I did at work yesterday is beyond me ...

ellery

06-23-2004, 10:45 AM

Originally posted by KristinK
Leah, I think the ice cream -- at least from a cart -- would be different because people could go up whenever the mood strikes them. My mom wants us to try to serve ice cream too, which we might do if we have a server dishing cake and ice cream at the coffee table, simply because she likes her cake with ice cream too.

I'm not sure exactly how they would serve the ice cream, but I don't envision a cart for some reason. I guess I'll have to wait for the caterer/wedding planner to get back to me on that.

That's kind of the least of my worries right now, just trying to arrange for the other more pressing details - officiant, photographer and DJ. Had a conversation with a photographer today that comes highly recommended from a coworker, saw the website, looks fine to me, DF already told me he doesn't care. The photographer stressed me out because she said she'd put stuff in the mail, I need to look it over, discuss it with DF, and then if we decided to go with them, then it would be a matter of if they still had that date open. (my paraphrasing, not her actual words) Try as I would, she refused to "pencil" me in for May 21, just kept insisting that I make an informed decision. Bwaaaaa! :mad: I really don't want to have to shop around when I don't have time for it as it is. I don't even know what price ranges are for (any)things either, which makes it tougher.

I'm also trying to figure out how one exactly chooses a DJ - recommendations alone? lurk at a wedding where they are and listen?

And how to select an officiant. DF is a "bad" (i.e. went to Catholic school and has never voluntarily gone to church since)Catholic yet says he wants a Catholic priest to do the wedding. Really, really can't see that happening. Our selves have never darkened the doors of any churches since we moved down here, I'm not Catholic, and from what I hear the Catholic priests are pretty rigid down here and would just as soon do a wedding ceremony on a beach (for non church members who they don't even know) as fly.

I can only think about this in spurts, and DF can only discuss it in spurts, as we go into "wedding talk overload", systems shut down, circuits fail and we have to change the subject.

But am not stressing about it.

:D

Leah

stefania4

06-23-2004, 11:10 AM

Originally posted by ellery
DF is a "bad" (i.e. went to Catholic school and has never voluntarily gone to church since)Catholic yet says he wants a Catholic priest to do the wedding. Really, really can't see that happening. Our selves have never darkened the doors of any churches since we moved down here, I'm not Catholic, and from what I hear the Catholic priests are pretty rigid down here and would just as soon do a wedding ceremony on a beach (for non church members who they don't even know) as fly.From what I understand you can have a Catholic ceremony OR you can have it outside, but you can't have both - they only perform ceremonies indoors, in a church. I'm not Catholic so I can't begin to understand the logic, but that's their rule.

According to a friend of mine who recently married a Catholic she was also required to promise to raise any kids they might have as Catholic, which is something to consider if you're not of the faith yourself and your FH (future husband) is not practicing appreciably.

ellery

06-23-2004, 11:16 AM

Originally posted by stefania4
From what I understand you can have a Catholic ceremony OR you can have it outside, but you can't have both - they only perform ceremonies indoors, in a church. I'm not Catholic so I can't begin to understand the logic, but that's their rule.

According to a friend of mine who recently married a Catholic she was also required to promise to raise any kids they might have as Catholic, which is something to consider if you're not of the faith yourself and your FH (future husband) is not practicing appreciably.

Yeah, that's pretty much what I figured, but may as well make some obligatory calls in order to convince DF of that. I believe that at Catholic weddings you take communion, which would be difficult to do outdoors, to say the least. I've been to Catholic weddings before, but apparently never paid attention.

I'm okay with raising kids in the Catholic faith, just wasn't so keen on the idea of converting or whatever just for the wedding. Was afraid of lightening striking over the hypocrisy... :D

Leah

JenZen

06-23-2004, 12:19 PM

kabs, glad you liked the pies! they were a lot of fun. the funniest thing about it was that we found out so many people couldn't decide on what flavor to try so they had seconds and thirds and fourths. DH's best friend had five pieces. :)

As for table decorations, I used a LOT of pumpkins and gourds that I bought at a farmer's market. We had a very informal reception in a log-cabinish sort of lodge. The tables were all picnic tables, so my mother-in-law made light-green runners for all of the tables. I put one or two pumpkins in the middle of each table with gourds down the center. I used natural-colored raffia and candles amongst the gourds and pumpkins. We had candles in the windows, and I bought some iron hearts from sundancecatalog.com that held votives. the beams of the cabin were decorated with grape vines, white lights and random silk leaves and flowers. We put a lot of pumpkins on the fireplace as well with some bigger orange lights.

KristinK, I'm glad you liked our tables! It means a lot to me when I get compliments because DH and I tried so hard to make it "us" without getting too expensive. I really wanted to have a "Martha" look without spending all the money. :)

KristinK

06-23-2004, 12:31 PM

Leah, we're having a Catholic ceremony but not a full Mass, meaning no Communion. I'm Catholic, although not a terribly good one, considering I only attend Mass for Easter and Christmas, but DF isn't, although he was baptized. We need a copy of our Baptismal certificates, a letter of freedom from our parish, a pre-cana certificate, and of course, a marriage license.

The information I received from our priest says that a dispensation from the Archdiocese is required for a Catholic marrying a non-Catholic. And yes, you will have to promise to do your best to raise your children in the Catholic faith.

Like Stephanie said, you can't have a Catholic ceremony on the beach. I vaguely remember hearing something that you can have an outdoor ceremony as long as it is covered. Even still, it might be difficult to do unless you have a good relations with a specific priest.

ellery

06-23-2004, 12:36 PM

Whew!

I was kinda hoping you guys would say that. I wasn't too psyched about trying to find and convince a priest to do our ceremony when it just seems hypocritical based on our current church attendance. I'm sure DF's family will most likely have a fit, but oh well!

Leah

Cinnamon Crazy

06-23-2004, 01:33 PM

I had a friend determined to have her wedding outdoors, but she is a devote Catholic and wanted a full Mass. Poor thing went through so many headaches. She ended up getting married in the Church. Simple, just immediate family. And then had the outdoor ceremony the following week. She still had a Catholic ceremony, but she had to fly in a priest from Brazil to perform the outdoor Mass. No priest here was willing to perform the ceremony outside the church walls. So in a sense, she got married twice.

helios7

06-23-2004, 01:41 PM

Leah,
My friend ran into this issue with her family. She wanted a beach wedding - they wanted a Catholic wedding. So they compromised, she got her beach wedding and then they "renewed" their vows in the Catholic church complete with mass etc a month or so after the original wedding. Just a thought.

I love your ice cream idea too Leah!

My dress just arrived. YAY! Although the cleaners sent it in clear plastic, so now I have to figure out how to hide it from dearest fiance.

KristinK

06-23-2004, 02:02 PM

Especially because we met at the shore, the beach was one of the few things DF had pictured for our wedding. I shot down his dreams :( mostly because it's really important to my parents that we have a Catholic ceremony, and even he genuinely wants my parents to be happy with the wedding. When we first started planning, we were still looking to have it at the shore, but when DF realized that it would probably be unlikely that we'd use the beach for more than photos, which would still depend on the weather, we agreed that we could make something just as special more close to home. Luckily, he was very impressed by our reception site, especially considering it was the only one still available for our date!

Helios, yay! Please describe! :)

helios7

06-23-2004, 02:13 PM

Its A-Line with a plain skirt. The bodice is plain, however it has embroidered .. lace? Looks like netting to me over it so the top appears embroidered and has little flowers with tiny pearls embedded. [although the cleaners seems to have messed up the pearls somehow since many have collapsed but I'm guessing no one will notice]. The dress has spaghetti straps, and a chapel length train (I think, noticeable train but not one of the HUGE ones) and little buttons from the waist all the way down to the tip of the train.

I love it, its a designer dress I bought as a sample so its not "perfect" however its original list price was way more than I would have ever paid so I'm pretty happy with it. :)

KristinK

06-23-2004, 02:21 PM

Sounds beautiful! I hope you'll share pictures after the wedding! I love the buttons that go to the end of the train.

I'm so jealous, as August (when my dress should arrive) is not coming fast enough! Then again, my wedding is not right around the corner. :)

HUNGRY!

06-23-2004, 03:59 PM

I love the sound of your dress. The buttons sound so pretty. How many days now? I forget, are you getting married in NYC?

Jen, I love the pie table too. You have the same sort of look we want.

As for getting married in the Catholic Church, FI is Catholic and I'm not (although my Mother is so its not so foreign to me). I have had very little experience with the Church and I was really worried- Priests scare me. It hasn't been too bad, but it has been a huge time commitment. We had to join a church in DC, attend 4 meetings with the priest here, get him to sign papers, get our parents to sign papers and get them notarized, meet 4 times with the Prist in Mass. (which is a huge pain and expensive because that means 4 extra trips), take a weekend pre-cana class, and then all of the other paperwork. The special paperwork from the Archbishop wasn't that bad, we didn't haveto do anything! Father C. (our Mass. Priest) took care of it for us and just showed it to us on our last trip. Oh, ad we had to take a test to see if we are compatible (we passed!). I shouldn't complain because all of this is to give us a firm foundation for our marriage but its wearing me out. FI had to sign something saying that he would teach our kids about Catholisism, but I didn't.

For our table decorations we bought some copper pots and are putting pansies in them, which we are also using to decorate the cake (we're cake people).

Sarah45

06-24-2004, 06:37 AM

kabs, I think you can cut into your pie just as easily as a cake. And I actually would advise against trying to save some cake for your first anniversary - I've never heard anyone say it was any good. (not that it's impossible, just have never heard it work personally). Lots of the bakers we spoke with offered a mini-cake at your first anniversary (either as a free bonus or at a very reduced cost).

My Mom went through all of the trouble to save our cake top for us so we kind of felt obligated to eat it. Very reluctantly, we did...it was really, really good! I was shocked, it tasted the same as if it was just a day old or something (granted it was amazing at the reception). My husband couldn't believe it. So, although I love the pie idea, that's my cake story. :D

ellery

06-24-2004, 10:04 AM

Oh my gosh I think I'm going to be ill.

The caterer/arranger person for where we're getting married just faxed over a rough estimate for the cost of our ceremony, plus food, plus drinks, plus set up, plus service fees. No wonder she's so darned happy to have our business and so darned friendly!

The estimate for just those things is $5K above what I figured (in my teeny little brain) the entire wedding would cost - dress, photographer, etc. Feel free to pm me with how much your wedding cost in an attempt to console me...

I don't know how this is going to happen. We're paying for this ourselves, and DF insists that he can't cut the guest list down from his guesstimate of 150 - he has a huge family, his two sisters got married before him and had huge weddings, and DF does not want to insult his family by not inviting people to our wedding who attended his sisters' weddings. I can see his logic, but still feel ill.

Oh. my. gosh.

:(

Leah

NewMrsG

06-24-2004, 10:37 AM

Poor Leah! :(

Welcome to weddings ... They're a racket.

I think the first thing to realize, especially if you want a wedding where you don't tackle any of the things yourself (e.g. make your own invites, bake your own cake, etc.) is that they're always going to cost more than you think.

There are some general things you can do to cut costs - that you might consider -

- having a wedding during an off time of year (we got married in April, which is considered the last month of "off-season" around here)

- having a wedding on a day other than a Saturday

- having something other than an actual dinner - heavy hors d'eouvres (or hower you spell it!), brunch/lunch

- not paying for alcohol

- taking on some of the tasks yourselves - I made my own invites, thank yous, centerpieces, programs, bouquets, bouts/corsages, etc. Saved a TON of money

You might also think about looking at other sites for comparison (I know, I know ...)

Just my initial thoughts

Natasha

06-24-2004, 10:45 AM

Delurking :o

I got married 14 months ago and sometimes still miss the excitement of wedding planning, so will live vicariously through you guys :D

Leah, sorry to hear about the estimate :( NewMrsG just mentioned some of the things I was going to suggest (thanks, NewMrsG! :)). We got married on a Friday (not because of cost, but because of scheduling but I'm sure it helped cost-wise), made our own invites, prepared simple centrepieces, and so on. Our wedding also happened to be very small, which of course helped. We went easy on flowers because the church and the reception site were so beautiful by themselves (and the reception site also had its own decorations) that they needed little embellishment. Oh, and another $$ saver was that we used a student photographer who was almost done her program. We saw samples of her work beforehand, and I got her name as a recommendation, so we were confident that things would work out. We were so pleased with her -- the photos are gorgeous, she was fantastic to work with, and she gave us proofs and every single negative so we could decide what to print, instead of ordering things through her. Something to consider...

I've also heard about venues where you can bring in your own caterer, order your own alcohol, etc. instead of having to use the caterers that work with the reception site. You could also go alcohol-free, or just serve wine/beer with dinner, or have an open bar (not to start the open bar debate that always seemed to draw flames on the wedding boards I frequented :rolleyes: ).

Oh, and our cake was so good after one year - I couldn't believe it! I want to order fresh wedding cake every year for our anniversary. Can't get enough of it! :D

Good luck to everyone,
Natasha

HUNGRY!

06-24-2004, 10:47 AM

Leah, that really stinks. Mrs. G has some good points. What time of day is your ceremony? Even if you do a full meal at lunch time you can get away with less drinks. Also, dessert and champagne receptions are nice. Let your caterer know that the estimate is much more than you were expecting and see if she has any pointers.

My reception is also much more than I was expecting. I cut costs by:

- buying my dress for $300 off the rack from David's Bridal
-making my centerpieces, save the dates, and learning calligraphy
- thermographed invitations instead of engraved
- buying as much as I can from E-bay

Good luck! Don't panic!

NewMrsG

06-24-2004, 10:58 AM

Natasha - we must have gotten married around the same time - when was your wedding? We were April 27th.

I humbly take back my comments about year-old wedding cake ... :o

Our wedding was on a Sunday - out of religious tradition - but definitely saved us tons of money in lots of ways - including that people didn't drink nearly as much. We also just had beer and wine and one signature cocktail. And we were also married at an historic estate, and brought in our own caterer (and our own alcohol, which saved a ton of money).

Sarah428

06-24-2004, 11:01 AM

Leah - Just wanted to say I'm with all the advice you've gotten so far (I made our invites, etc. as well). It's always going to be a little more than you figured but 5K is a lot more. I'm thinking about you and wishing you well during your wedding planning (((Leah)))

Natasha

06-24-2004, 11:02 AM

Originally posted by NewMrsG
Natasha - we must have gotten married around the same time - when was your wedding? We were April 27th.

I humbly take back my comments about year-old wedding cake ... :o

Our wedding was on a Sunday - out of religious tradition - but definitely saved us tons of money in lots of ways - including that people didn't drink nearly as much. We also just had beer and wine and one signature cocktail. And we were also married at an historic estate, and brought in our own caterer (and our own alcohol, which saved a ton of money).

We were May 2! Happy somewhat belated first annniversary. :) We got married at a historic manor too.

No offense taken about the year-old wedding cake ;) Believe me, I wasn't optimistic that it would be any good either. :p

Natasha

ellery

06-24-2004, 11:44 AM

Sigh.

Those are all excellent suggestions, but none seem feasible at this point. Pretty much EVERYONE attending the ceremony will be from out of town (we moved to SC a year ago), so doing it on a Friday is out of the question as that's just too inconvenient for people, and we are doing it as off-season as possible (plus, here, price doesn't change depending on what day of the week or time of the year - it's fixed). All the other stuff is fixed too - have to use these caterers, we're doing hors d'houevres, and the decorations will be as simple as possible. I just emailed her back and asked if we have to do two servings of food - she'd budgeted for hors d'houevres for an hour, then the buffet for an hour, and I'm wondering if we should just do the buffet. As far as the open bar or not having a bar or not having food, well, that's just not going to fly.

Both DF and I want to have a nice party for our friends and family, at which we just happen to get married. We have the same vision, and I want people to have a nice time, not have to bring cash or be hungry. Oh well.

It sure does stink to have your heart set on doing something a particular way, and then to find out how much it will cost. If only we weren't paying for it ourselves... if it was Daddy's money it would be no big deal! ;) :p

Leah

still recovering from her near heart attack

tbb113

06-24-2004, 12:00 PM

Delurking for a minute...

Leah, have you checked into the price of having a seated meal instead of a buffet. I know when I got married 20 long years ago, it was cheaper to have a seated meal (with plated dishes) then a buffet. Reason was that for a buffet to 'look right', they need to prepare MORE food than will be actually eaten. I got married at a hotel...I don't know if this holds true with caterers at a venue.

ellery

06-24-2004, 12:07 PM

Thanks Tyra, but they only do buffet style at this venue.

I'll just go mope in a corner somewhere and feel sorry for myself. Or tell myself that it will be worth it... can't decide at this moment... still suffering from sticker shock...

Leah

and I'm not about to look at other venues- this is actually the cheapest one we found, and it took much struggling to find this one that we both agreed on - not about to go through that all over again.

Big sigh.

tbb113

06-24-2004, 12:11 PM

One more thought...can you change what is being served to less expensive entrees? A pasta dish instead of beef/chicken? I would also say to the caterer that I was hoping to spend $X...what could you do for me in this price range. It might be interesting to see what they come up with.

Sarah428

06-24-2004, 12:13 PM

It will all be worth it, but please do what you and DF want, not what the family expects. IMHO - Since I'm planning my 2nd wedding & reception after having done the big one before I can say that this time around feels so much more relaxed and not about what everyone expects (huge meal, never ending alcohol, etc.). You should have the celebration that you and DF want and still be able to pay your mortgage;)

Sarah45

06-24-2004, 12:15 PM

Originally posted by Natasha

We were May 2! Happy somewhat belated first annniversary. :) We got married at a historic manor too.

No offense taken about the year-old wedding cake ;) Believe me, I wasn't optimistic that it would be any good either. :p

Natasha

April 5 2004 here!

helios7

06-24-2004, 12:22 PM

I hear you and I understand Leah. While we're not paying for the entire thing ourselves (DF's parents are paying for the rehearsal dinner - to which we've invited everyone but kept simple since we're doing the "weekend wedding" and mine have covered the reception food/drink) but it sure feels like it! His parents paid for the rehearsal, and mine covered the reception (minus the $1000 deposit I paid) but we're paying for everything else (flowers, photographer, videographer, chairs, DJ, officiant, dress cleaning and altering, tuxedo for DF etc). And its a lot! Both DF and I are the type of people who say if we want it we want it (but we'll bargain shop first) and we'll deal with the bills later.

Right now my credit card company loves me, but after the wedding I plan on applying for a personal loan through my credit union and paying it off that way. I'm only waiting to be married since there's no way they'll give me a loan that big on my lowly teacher's salary, but the two of us together hopefully they will.....

Somehow what we didn't want to be "uber-expensive" has grown to be more so than we'd anticipated, however its the way we want it and everyone will have a great time. So I believe it'll be worth every penny. :)

mobear

06-24-2004, 12:23 PM

For those of you who did your own invitations, how did you go about doing this? Where did you buy your paper? Did you print it on a computer or do hand calligraphy?

I learned calligraphy in Junior High, so I was thinking of addressing my own invitations already. But I was not sure about being able to create my own invitations. I would like for them to look really nice without the cost so I would appreciate any advice that you all can give!

Hungry! - how long did it take you to find your off the rack dress? I am thinking of doing the same thing...I think I want a fairly simple dress. Was it hard or easy finding enough dresses to try in your size?

KristinK

06-24-2004, 12:26 PM

(((((Leah)))))

I am one of the lucky ones (fewer and fewer of us these days) whose parents are paying completely. Still, we do have a budget. Everyone has offered great suggestions so far.

I'm pretty sure Tyra is right about a buffet being more expensive. Check with the caterer, and be honest. Tell her that you love the site and want to make it work with your budget. Maybe you could reduce the number of hors d'oeurves, and limit them to less expensive choices like mini quiche rather than shrimp. Also, if the seated meal is less expensive, you might also save money by serving everyone the same meal -- whether a single entree or a duo. (ETA -- nevermind. I took too long to post this!)

As for the bar, signature drinks are a big trend and a great way to limit the liquor available by serving drinks that only use one or two different liquors. You could also try to offer one or two (or however many) bottles of wine per table with dinner rather than allowing everyone to help themselves at the bar. Then you could have the bar basically for your signature drink and beer. Then again, I may be making it seem to complicated to bother!

You can also save money on the cake by having a smaller cake for display plus an extra sheet cake for serving. Skipping the fondant and the sugar flowers will save money too.

As for the invitations and such, have you seen the Knottie DIY (http://knottietemplates.bravehost.com/index.html) website? There's a bunch of templates for invitations, programs, placecards, etc.

More thinking...

ellery

06-24-2004, 12:31 PM

Thanks Heather and everyone. Sorry to be dominating this thread... :o

Right now my main strategy will be to figure out if we can whittle down the guest list a bit (from 150 people to 100 would probably make a huge difference). The food will be pretty bare bones as it is - simple hors d'hoeuvres (crab dip, cheese & crackers, shrimp - we live at the beach, HAVE to have seafood ;) ), and the buffet is a salad, carving station (beef - pork is cheaper but I don't know many people who like it besides me), 2 pastas, bread, veggies, potatoes and coffee. And the waffle cones for dessert. ;) Haven't even figured in a cake yet. And the decorations will be pretty basic too, and I'll probably be doing that myself (oy).

Unfortunately I'm with you Heather. It would break my heart to not do a nice party or do it at this site and I don't think it would be worth it to scrimp and enjoy it less. Since I only plan to do this once, maybe if I divide the cost of this event over my life expectancy, divided by how much DF will appreciate us having a nice wedding, divided my happy memories of feet swinging in the breeze as I eat an ice cream cone... well, it will work out to pennies a day!

For invitations, someone had suggested Kinko's. I wonder if that's uber expensive too? Seems like everything is turning out to be...

:D

Leah

Sarah428

06-24-2004, 12:32 PM

Mobear - I made our invites using 12x12 velium paper and heavy cardstock. The cardstock was sage green and the velium paper ws also sage green and had a flower design in it, very subtle though. I cut the card stock to fit the envelopes (3 per 12x12 sheet) and cut the velium paper slightly smaller (4 per 12x12 sheet). I printed the invite wording on the velium paper using a laser printer. I then used brads (found at any scrapbooking store) and attached the velium paper to the cardstock by placing a brad in each corner. They looked great, professionally done and everyone commented on how great they looked, no one ever knew I made them.

I didn't find much of a selection at craft stores, I went to place called "Pages in Time", a scrapbooking store. And I did 100+ invites w/ envelopes and labels for return addressing for about $60!

tbb113

06-24-2004, 12:36 PM

Can't comment on the price of invitations...since I ordered them for my son's bar mitzvah. I did the addressing of them myself though to save money ...used a font called Lucinda Calligraphy (i think, I'm at work and they don't have the font). PITA to get all the envelopes (outer and inner) done but it looked great. I don't like it when people use the labels (clear or otherwise) but that is just me.

HUNGRY!

06-24-2004, 12:39 PM

Mobear- about 15 minutes! It was the 1st one I tried on! I tried on a lot more after that though and went back to the original one. I only ever went to David's so the whole experience was very painless to me. They had a huge selection so even if you are anti-David's it was worth it to try on tone of styles. I am not a save your dress for daughter type of gal (I'll probably sell it).

I think they have make your own invitations kits at Target. I didn't make my own but I know a lot of people do and they say they come out nice.

We are paying for the wedding ourselves too so I feel your stress. Its really tough when you go over budget on something. Luckily for us the area where we are getting married does not do open bar. That's right, cash bar is customary. We're going to do the cocktail hour and wine at dinner but that's it and no one seems to care. I think its ultra tacky but even the caterer tried to talk me out of it.

mobear

06-24-2004, 12:40 PM

Sarah - Thank you for the suggestions. I once, a long time ago, made my own programs and invites, but that was for a less formal affair. I am quite crafty so I am not afraid to do it myself once I get the design worked out. I am sure we can use DF's laser printer at work!

tbb113

06-24-2004, 12:42 PM

Originally posted by mobear
how long did it take you to find your off the rack dress? I am thinking of doing the same thing...I think I want a fairly simple dress. Was it hard or easy finding enough dresses to try in your size?

I also bought off the rack. I was a size 8-10 so I didn't have problems finding my size. My choices were more limited than if I was ordering (I think I bought 'last season') but I was still very happy with my dress. And I think I only looked at a few places (one bridal shop...bad experience and at Saks, which is where I bought my dress).

stefania4

06-24-2004, 12:46 PM

Originally posted by mobear
Hungry! - how long did it take you to find your off the rack dress? I am thinking of doing the same thing...I think I want a fairly simple dress. Was it hard or easy finding enough dresses to try in your size? Well, I'm not Hungry!, but I bought an inexpensive dress last year (wedding May 4, 2003). I got mine at Jessica McClintock - they have beautiful informal wedding dresses. Since the ceremony was more of an elopement (me, DH, our Best Dog and Dog of Honor, and minister - no family or guests), it seemed silly to have a big foofy dress. My beautiful ivory, spaghetti-strapped sheath with the draped neckline was about $250. They ordered it in my size and I think it took 4 days to arrive.

Best of luck! I also found that some of the department stores had beautiful white and off-white dresses, too.

mobear

06-24-2004, 12:47 PM

Honestly, I was just thinking of going to someplace huge like David's Bridal because I thought I would have a better chance of looking at a bigger selection and hopefully saving money. DF and I are paying for mostly everything ourselves, and we would rather spend money on food, honeymoon, so I would like to save where I can. That and I like fairly simple/elegant things. Also, with only having around 40 guests, I figured I could really get ripped off on ordering invites (lacking that quantity discounting) and it would be fairly simple to produce that many oneself!

If anyone has good ideas on making and saving money on one's own decorations, that would be appreciated. I don't want to do too much decorating. I have worked a little with silk flowers in the past. Let me know how you were able to limit the decorating by chosing strategic spots. I am going to try to find a place that won't require alot of decoration. I am also thinking of doing a fall wedding.

NewMrsG

06-24-2004, 12:48 PM

Belated happy anniversary to you too Natasha! It was a beautiful time of year to get married, I thought - when the world is coming alive again after winter. Sigh!

I made our invitations using cardstock and Thai unruyu paper and ribbon. They ended up being more complicated than I'd anticipated, but weren't bad once I got running with them. I printed them on the computer - and was able to personalize each invite that way, too, which was nice. Spent $43 on about 75 invites - including postage, which was great. And they were EXACTLY what I wanted. I can probably post a picture if that would help. I did discover that Kinko's will let you use their industrial size paper cutter for free, as long as it's not already in use. And you can have them cut for you too - which I did with my Unruyu paper - just $1/cut (and they stack it all - so to cut a paper into 4ths is just $2 for a whole stack). I got all of my paper and supplies online.

Tyra makes a good point - these vendors are in this to make money. They're not going to point out to you ways to save money - you have to ask. More work? Yes. YOu have to decide if it's worth it.

I bought my dress at an outlet - check the phone book and see if there's something like that in your area, mobear.

I'm just going to make one comment about weddings - because I know that there are all sorts of pressures to do things for other people and it's easy for others to say. SO I'll just say that our experience was that some people are going to complain no matter what choices you make - they don't like the time of year, they don't like daytime weddings vs. night, they think you should have your wedding on another day of the week, why didn't you serve x ... And others are going to be truly happy and excited to be a part of your wedding no matter what the logistics. Make it the day you want! I completely understand the perspective that you only want to do this once and want it to be wonderful and perfect - but in the end, when the wedding is over and everyone else has gone back to their lives and you're stuck with the visa bill, you don't want to regret it either. I remember thinking over and over again that we were inviting people to share in our day, paying for their food and entertainment, making an effort to help them feel appreciated, etc. And they should either enthusiastically be supportive and be a part of our celebration, or gracefully extend their regrets.

I'll shutup now.

ktg0930

06-24-2004, 12:51 PM

I got married in Arpil 2002 on a budget and I agree with all the suggestions people have made. We had a Saturday morning wedding with lunch and had only beer, wine and champagne. We had only 75 people which really kept the cost down. Like Natasha, our church and restaurant were beautifully decorated so we didn't need many flowers at the church and didn't have anything at the reception.

A woman from my church who does catering made the cake for a really good price. We also had other desserts, so had a smaller cake.

What I found was that many of the packages that the traditional wedding venues offered were more than we wanted. So I looked at a lot of restuarants who were more flexible in menus and price. It also helped that we were both older and we planned the wedding we wanted without a lot of requests from our families.

As far as invitations, I had ours printed with thermography which someone said is cheaper than engraving. If you print your own, make sure that the ink doesn't smudge in the envelope. I have gotten more than one invitation that was all smudged when I took it out of the envelope. Also, if you can choose an invitation that can be sent with a regular stamp, that will save you money. I have also seen response postcards which cost less for postage as well.

If you want to give favors, there are a lot of unique ideas out there. I found a catalog that sold seeds and bulbs as favors. I really liked that idea because then people would have a lasting remembrance of our wedding. I bought bulbs from a mail-order nursery and put them in tulle that I had cut myself. My sister made the tags with our names and directions for planting with her stamps.

My mom made my veil/headpiece too. They are really easy. YOu can get patterns in a fabric store and they have headbands, etc. there too.

Robyn1007

06-24-2004, 12:51 PM

Hey Leah,

I am not planning a wedding (got to meet a man first) but I have a friend who got married in SC a few years ago so I thought I might be able to help a bit. I remember mainly that because SC is a mini bottle state if my friend had used the alcohol the site provided it was hugely expensive (they had to use mini bottles) but the site also allowed them to go out and buy liquor in full size bottles and they just provided the bartender and mixers. They even found a liquor store where unopened bottles could be returned. You might check on that option. Good luck and just remember to enjoy eachother!

Robyn

NewMrsG

06-24-2004, 12:56 PM

I can't seem to stay away from this thread!

Have to chime in about decorations - if you're trying to save money, this is a great place to do it. Honestly no one ever really notices this stuff! I ordered fresh flowers online at wholesale prices and made all of my own flower "stuff" - bouts/corsages and bouquets. I used silk flowers - which I found on clearance (80% off!) at Michael's and put them in terra cotta pots that I painted my wedding color for the centerpieces. My mom and I made them in an afternoon and I think they cost about $20 total for 12 tables. The day before the wedding we went to a nursery and bought fresh spring flowers and put them in nice pots that we bought to go in several strategic places. Cost almost nothing.

We were married in a beautiful historic estate - and I felt simple was better. I imagine the setting probably does make a difference. Just don't think people really notice that stuff - you certainly won't notice that stuff, and then the wedding is over.

ellery

06-24-2004, 12:56 PM

Oh! Thanks Robyn! I'd completely forgotten about our whole stupid mini bottle policy (you can tell I don't go out to bars much). I will certainly ask the caterer if we can try that option and see how much it decreases cost.

:)

Leah

helios7

06-24-2004, 01:12 PM

Wow this thread is jumping! Yikes! I wrote a few thank you notes and look what happened! page 6 already!

There is so much great advice. Some of which I've done, some of which I haven't. We made our own save the dates, but we ordered invitations. They were expensive, but they were perfect! And it was a time when I was really busy at work, DF was really busy at work and we just didn't have any more weekends to give up. But in a perfect world, we would have made the invitations too.

Our wedding is small. 84 including photographer, DJ and assistant and videographer. So 80 really. We wanted it that way, there really wasn't anyone "left out" that we thought mattered to us, and it helps to keep costs down.

We are having a buffet, at our venue it was cheaper. Plus being veggie, the buffet menus (ours is a vaguely Italian Tuscan theme) were more veggie friendly because I'll be darned if I'm eating a steamed veggie plate (like I have at other weddings) at my own wedding!! So there ... :P

I bought a designer dress as a sample which saved a ton, although then I got smacked with a cleaning/altering bill which didn't make the dress as much of a steal as I originally thought it was but again, it was worth it.

Centerpieces - couldn't get creative with this. We're going the arrangement of flowers in the center of the table, scattered petals and votive candles (provided by the venue). Simple, hopefully elegant and just not something I had energy to focus on any more.

okay, must call florist, bakery and get to post office before 4:30 dentist appt.

Sigh.

ktg0930

06-24-2004, 01:14 PM

Another tip I read for finding dresses is to get a white/ivory/color of your choice bridesmaid's dress. They are usually cheaper and if you don't want the "traditional" wedding dress, they can be perfect.

Those lists of 99 ways to save money on your wedding always suggest using candles as decorations because they are inexpensive. The location dictates the decorations I think. If your location is inherently beautiful, I don't think you need as many decorations.

mobear

06-24-2004, 01:22 PM

Kathy - I was thinking of buying a bridesmaid's dress too.

I was also thinking of doing my own flowers for centerpieces or something people can take away from the wedding as gifts like my bestfriend did.

My wedding favors...and maybe the centerpieces are going to be gift baggies or boxes of goodies from the various places DF and I are from. Texas (pecan chewies for bluebonnet seeds), Florida (thinking key lime candies or cookies), Alaska (forget me not seeds or some kind of Alaskan foodie gift), etc...Of course, I will do this myself. :) Has anyone ordered nice gift bags/boxes from anywhere, for a good price of course?

HUNGRY!

06-24-2004, 02:00 PM

I read somewhere that J-Crew was also coming out with a line of wedding dresses similar to Jessica McClintock.

Today is our 100 day pre-anniversary!

stefania4

06-24-2004, 02:07 PM

Like NewMrsG, I made my own corsages & boutonnieres (we had a reception 2 months after the wedding). For 14 it cost me about $11; I bought fresh flowers the night before, cut each stem to corsage/boutonniere length, wrapped with florist wire and then florist tape. I'd put a few of the wrapped flowers together and taped that - presto! A corsage or boutonniere!

To a small degree I did my own flowers. I ordered a hand-tied bouquet of pink tulips from a florist. When I picked it up I was disappointed - it looked kinda skimpy. So I bought more tulips at the supermarket, untied the bouquet, added in the new flowers, and re-tied. I tell you, hand-tied bouquets are the biggest scam going - so easy! I recommend getting a length of ribbon and some flowers and practicing, if that's the look you're going for.

ktg0930

06-24-2004, 02:39 PM

Heather -- one of my co-workers made cute giveaways for a bachelorette party and used chinese food containers. She said she got them at papermart.com and they have a good selection of bags and boxes.

I'm so impressed with all the creative ideas here. I wish I had known about you all when I was planning our wedding!

kabs

06-24-2004, 03:43 PM

Wow. I am loving all these suggestions and ideas!

Leah, sorry about the budget-busting on your reception. It looks like you're getting lots of good advice about how to cost costs though. DF and I are splurging on our reception and trying to cut cost elsewhere, but everyone here has said it correctly- it does end up costing you more than you ever thought it would!

As far as invitations go, I am (partially) doing our invitations. I found this neat company called envelopments (you can check it out on www.envelopments.com ) and ordered the pocket/envelope part from them. Then I am doing all the printing, cutting, gluing, etc. 100 invitations will end up costing us $300 including postage. Although it sounds like others did their own for much less! :) Compared to some of my friends who paid $1000+ for their invitations, I felt like I was getting a steal! We are also doing RSVP postcards instead of envelopes to save. I also did our save the dates for $30. I used Kinko's- they were great. Since then, I have found a little local copy shop that has lower prices and I will use them for printing the wedding invitations. One word of advice: if you are doing your own invitations/save the dates/etc., contact the post office about rules regarding size and postage. My SIL made her own save the date postcards and they were "too square" and ended up needing a letter stamp instead of a postcard stamp.

And on the dress: I went to David's Bridal and did not like my experience there- more to do with the sales people than the dresses. However, I recommend it because at the very least you will get a good feel for what style of dress looks good on you. They have a ton of styles. I was never able to find THE DRESS in a store, so I am having mine made. I found a great fabric store and they recommended a seamstress and she worked with me to put all the "parts" I liked together. I was very surprised to find that having my dress made will end up costing me far less than any of the dresses I tried on in the stores. So that might be worth looking into also.

Kim

stefania4

06-24-2004, 06:42 PM

You know, we didn't have favors at all at the reception. At most of the weddings we've been to people don't take them so we decided not to spend the $. So far as I can tell, no one missed them.

Instead of a wedding-themed guest book DH picked up a beautiful blank book at an art supply store for $12 or $15. Our guests wrote notes to us in it and we just love it.

This isn't a $ saving tip, but it did help make our day even more special. After the reception we donated the flowers to a local children's hospital. They were wonderful about splitting the arrangements (bought loose & wholesale) into smaller arrangements and putting them in patients' rooms.

NewMrsG

06-25-2004, 07:05 AM

This thread is making me remember all kinds of details!

My sister got her dress at David's - for a great price. I got my dress at a designer outlet - for a semi-great price (much cheaper than it would normally have been outright - but still more than I'd planned to spend) - BOTH OF US got GYPPED on alterations. My sister spent more on the alterations than she did on the actual dress, and I spent nearly as much. It actually made me ill.

So my advice would be to go to an independent seamstress - WHO HAS EXPERIENCE IN BRIDAL GOWN ALTERATIONS for your alterations.

And I'd echo Stefania's thoughts about favors - they can be really nice, but they're not really necessary and a good way to cut an expense.

ellery

06-25-2004, 07:22 AM

Okay, here's my new wedding question of the day. (A way to avoid thinking about money for a day) :D

Bouquets: What kind did/do you have, what did you do with it during the reception, and what did you do with it after the ceremony?

:)

Leah

ellery

06-25-2004, 07:40 AM

danged gremlins...

BUMP!!!!

hrk

06-25-2004, 07:42 AM

delurking for a minute
I really debated a bouquet cause I didn't want to spend a lot of money on something that would be used for just for the ceremony and then go to waste, but my wedding planner had some amazing ideas.

I had a cascade bouquet, with the flowers looking like a waterfall from my hands. I caried it for the ceremony. For the reception my DH and I had a sweet heart table and the bouquet was attached to the fornt of it as part of the table decoration.
About an 1/2 hour before the reception was over, my wedding planner took it and did three things with it. She pulled out the ivy and planted it in a small pot, which to this day I still have growing, she took out a few whole flowers and saved them to be dried for a shadow box I made with pictures, my invitation, the flowers etc.
Then she used the rest of the flowers for petals and covered the bed in our wedding night suite with the petals, and left us truffles and two glasses of champagne for that night.
Now I realize that not everyone has a weddingplanner but I would think a bridesmaid or family member should be able to do the stuff with the bouquet and your hotel or florist should be able to figure out how to incorporate it into your centerpieces which if you have a "bloom" bouquet you could just put into a vase on your table.

Back to lurking
Heather

sararosalie

06-25-2004, 07:56 AM

Originally posted by ellery
Okay, here's my new wedding question of the day. (A way to avoid thinking about money for a day) :D

Bouquets: What kind did/do you have, what did you do with it during the reception, and what did you do with it after the ceremony?

:)

Leah

My bouquet was a nosegay of pink roses. During the reception I put it on the table with the cake (which meant we didn't have to decorate the cake table). After the wedding I dried the bouquet and saved the petals (for what purpose, I'm not sure).

NewMrsG

06-25-2004, 08:05 AM

I did not have a traditional bouquet - here's what I did:

I started out with one single rose, coming down the aisle.

I asked several family members and close friends who were not otherwise part of the ceremony (including our two surviving grandmothers) to be seated on the aisle during the ceremony and provided each of them with a single rose, which they handed to me as I walked down the aisle.

When I got up to the Chuppah - I put the first rose on an empty chair where my father (who died when I was 13) would otherwise have been). Then my mom and my MIL tied the remaining roses (all of which were handed to me as I walked up) together with ribbon -

I just liked the symbolism of this - that people in my life were part of me - which I took with me into my "new life" - and I think it was a nice way of including more people, too. It was honestly one of my very favorite parts of my wedding.

And it was cheap! Although that's not why I did it. :)

Before we left for our honeymoon, I left the flowers to dry (simply by hanging them upside down, so that they would dry straight) and then later put them in a shadow box display with other things (my program, tiara, string of (fake) pearls that I wore that day, and my garter).

helios7

06-25-2004, 08:20 AM

This is a timely question as I'm trying to figure out what to do with mine. I'm a sentimental type, and would love to dry/save my bouquet. But I wasn't quite sure to what purpose. Where did everyone who used a shadow box get it? After all was said and done, was it worth it?

mobear

06-25-2004, 08:33 AM

I too, would be interested in finding out where you all were able to buy large enough shadow boxes for the bouquets?

Also, how far in advance can one really put together their own bouteneirs and flower arrangements? The day before? I will have to weigh how many other things I need to get done around the wedding. Then you need the room for refrigeration of the flowers. I do like the idea of putting together my own tightly packed bunches of flowers in low shallow vases. I love that look.

Yeah, I am thinking of keeping the cost of favors very cheap, but personable and fun enough that people would actually take them. Maybe I will just make enough for a certain percentage of guests.

HUNGRY!

06-25-2004, 08:57 AM

I am ordering my bouquet from the grocery store. I don't get all the choices I would if I went to a florist but I am saving a lot of money. For me, it wasn't important enough to spend $$$$$$ on since they'll just die. I think I am going to dry some petals and glue them in my guest book- which is a blank book bound with ribbon that I bought for $1 on clearance at Barnes and Noble!

For favors my Mom and I are going to make buckeyes and order some inexpensive truffle boxes. I'll make stickers on my computer to seal them shut (and avoid the cost of having the boxes printed).

I get to go pick up our proofs of our invitation tonight. I can't wait to get them!

ellery

06-25-2004, 09:11 AM

What NewMrsG forgot to mention above (a tip she'd already passed on to me) was that she used www.freshroses.com as a less expensive source for her flowers. I haven't checked out the website yet, but plan to. Just wanted to pass that on.

This is neat hearing what everyone did!

:)

Leah

NewMrsG

06-25-2004, 09:21 AM

Keep in mind that flowers shrink considerably once they've dried! I also had a very small "bouquet" as it was just about 12 roses tied together and no other fillers. You can always just take out some or most of the flowers from your bouquet and tie them together if you're concerned about bulk.

I bought a fairly large and deep shadow box from Michael's or AC Moore - used one of the 40% off coupons that are in the paper every week and only spent about $12 or so on it. Did it all myself very cheaply and easily. I think I have a digital picture somewhere.

Hungry - we did our bouts and corsages the day of. We actually didn't need refrigeration as it was still fairly cold that weekend, but it's something you'll have consider given the time of year of your wedding. I had a hairdresser and makeup person come to my house the day of the wedding and all of my bridesmaids, my personal attendant, my mom, the flower girl, and a couple of my aunts came over to get their hair and makeup done and help me put together the flowers. It went fairly quickly and easily, but I had a lot of help. It's always a good idea (if not essential!) to get some roses ahead of time and practice making the bouts/corsages/bouquets. If you go through someone like Freshroses, they'll send you a sample bunch so that you can judge color. We used these to play with and make sure we were up to this.

JenZen

06-25-2004, 10:50 AM

wow. it is so neat to read all of these ideas! i especially liked what hrk did.

i had a bouquet of tiger lilies, rooster comb (that's problaby not the right name), pepperberries and a bunch of other stuff. my flowers were only about $200 because i only ordered two bouquets, some corsages and the boy's boutonniers. my mom got the rest of our flowers from a gardening center. we were married outside, so we had a lot of mums because it was fall.

my bouquet is still sitting on our porch because i can't quite yet throw it away. it's dried, but i didn't do it right because it's smooshed and it now it's home to some spiders. nice, huh? :)

one thing i would really recommend is to remember a toss bouquet. i forgot about it, and we had to steal some flowers from my sister's bouquet to make a makeshift one.

jen

p.s. oh, one thing that i'm soooo glad i kept is the hankerchief dh handed me when i started crying during my vows. he had tucked one away just in case, and when i wiped away the tears, i got makeup all over it. a week after the wedding, i was about to wash it when dh said maybe i should save it like it was, makeup and all. glad i did that. it's a very sentimental little thing to have.

KristinK

06-25-2004, 11:36 AM

Jen, that's cute about the handkerchief. I know I will be needing one ... or two, or three... :o

Jori, what a great idea for your bouquet, and what a touching tribute to your father. I think I'm too emotional for something like that, so it would probably be best for me to get down the aisle as quickly as possible!

Like I said, I'm still waiting for the florist's quote, but when we met, we picked vendela roses, white freesia, and green hypericum berries for my bouquet, and some deep red roses, some other red flower, and the same berries for my bridesmaids' bouqets. I'm picturing our bouquets to be about 8 inches around, not to big, not too small. I haven't given much thought about during or after the reception, but we will have a bridal suite to freshen up before we join the guests, so I may leave it in there. We aren't leaving for our honeymoon until the next weekend, so I'll get to enjoy them a little longer. I haven't had much luck with drying flowers, but I do like to add pressed flowers to scrapbooks. Hmmmm. Another thing to think about.

An FYI: www.freshroses.com has a seasonal flower list, so you can get an idea of what flowers are in season during your wedding month.

About the guest book, we are planning on doing something similar to what Stephanie posted, with a sort of scrapbook rather than a lined guest book. I haven't figured out exactly how we'll set it up, but we plan to have cards for our guests to sign with some memories, advice, or good wishes. We hope to get pictures of each table (either by our photographer or my mom or sister, but NOT the polaroid idea that's floating around the wedding boards), and then have each table's cards follow their picture in the scrapbook. It's sort of a twist on the Martha Stewart fish bowl idea.

aggie94

06-25-2004, 11:56 AM

My bouquet looked very similar to this one:

http://www.essiesweddingflowers.com/files/burgundybqt_3_50.jpg

All red roses, no filler, save for some greenery and baby's breath around the base.

All of our flowers were freeze-dried prior to the wedding. Since we were getting married at an inn about an hour from where we lived, and staying there the night before, we didn't want to worry about picking up flowers close to the date and then how to keep them fresh and refrigerated in the heat of summer. They looked amazingly real. (Hmm, that's not right - they WERE real. I mean, they looked amazingly fresh and felt fresh too. Even smelled like fresh roses). We did all our flowers this way - bridesmaid bouquets, corsages, and boutonnieres (sp?) as well.

We found the florist at a bridal show, and were very impressed with the samples she had brought along with her. While we chose to go the freeze-dried route beforehand, it's also something you can do with your flowers afterwards, and it keeps them looking almost as perfect and fresh as the day you got them (the colors on mine, after four years, are still as rich and deep as when I got them). I've seen them "preserved" IN things, like boxes and frames and glass enclosures (which looked a little creepy and morbid to me :o), but I chose to just leave mine out. My bouquet sits atop my piano with some of our wedding photos and other mementos.

aggie94

06-25-2004, 12:10 PM

Hmmm, my picture isn't showing up. :(

Can anyone else see it? I'm wondering if my office is just blocking my access to that site.

crlykat

06-25-2004, 12:12 PM

I see it! Very pretty with that rich red color.:)

KristinK

06-25-2004, 12:48 PM

I see it, Eva. That's the look I was initially thinking of, but I really liked the look of the berries when the florist made me a quick sample. I just loved how formal the bouquet looked with only the deep red roses.

HUNGRY!

06-25-2004, 03:11 PM

For the guest book, I am thinking of doing something I saw on the Knot. I bought the book as I told you and I would like to make stickers that say things like: advice for the bride, advice for the groom, thoughts for the happy couple, etc. and then let people stick them in the book. I thought it would look fun and if someone messes up they can throw it away and start over! (I'll let my inner Bridezilla show here and say that if someone made a mess of my guest book I would be really mad!!!).

I love your flowers Eva.

For my tossing bouquet I am thinking of getting just some dasies that are not tied together, pretending like they are a bouquet, and letting them fly everywhere when I throw them, causing mass chaos. I am not doing the garter although I may order a Red Sox one and wear it just because.

KristinK

06-25-2004, 03:25 PM

The sticker idea sounds cute!

I am leaving for the day. Hopefully when I come back on Monday, I'll have ordered my invitations. My mom visited a store that a neighbor recommended and said they had good quality, all at a 20% discount. She even picked one out based on what we liked when we looked at the other place (where only the invitations themselves were discounted). We have an appointment Monday morning. I will be so relieved if we go through with it.

mbrogier

06-25-2004, 09:31 PM

I ordered my flowers from the San Francisco Flower Mart. My mom is a landscape designer (as well as a dog groomer and Martha Stewart :D ) She and my Aunt Linda did all of the flowers for the wedding. My bouquet was cream roses and tulips tied with cream ribbon--no filler. The boutonniers were cream roses and unusual greenery. The reception hall didn't need much decoration. For the table centerpieces we had terra cotta pots rubbed with gold with sea shells and reindeer moss glued on them. We grouped long stem red roses together as topiaries in the pots. My mom gave these to the rest homes and to friends after the wedding. I didn't have a toss bouquet. My friends didn't like them, and my DH's sister was in her 30s with no prospects.

I went to a florist about a bouquet. I wanted cream roses, no filler, maybe a little ivy. I got a bouquet for my bridal portraits. It was awful. Pink roses, tons of ivy, and it weighed like 25 lbs.

helios7

06-28-2004, 07:46 AM

Morning ladies - I have a couple questions for the "masses" both planning and who have planned weddings.

Vows - Did anyone write their own vows? We're writing our own, and then following up with the "traditional" but unreligious vows we all know and love. DF wants a civil/unreligious ceremony but I want that element of the traditional to complement our own thoughts/promises to each other. Its a great idea, but now its writing time and I'd love some hints/tips on what works what doesn't and what you've seen and liked/disliked.

Tents/Outdoor weddings- I'm beginning to feel the first hints of panic regarding weather for our outdoor wedding. We have a tent reserved but the tent would be delivered the day before the wedding so the decision has to be made in advance of the actual day. No ability to look out the window morning of and call it accordingly. Right now the forecast calls for "possibility of scattered thunderstorms". I'm hoping it'll change (Monday's weather looks pretty good - hopefully it'll queue up) but what would you do? Would you get the tent to be safe (and ensure sun/cloudless skies because you did it) or would you risk the fact that its only a possibility of rain and hope for the best? [I'm also wondering if its possible to get the tent, and then if it looks good on the day of the wedding, have my dad and brother take it down. But its one of those big tents so I don't know if they could?}

All responses and thoughts welcomed.....
:confused:

NewMrsG

06-28-2004, 07:59 AM

Originally posted by helios7
Vows - Did anyone write their own vows? We're writing our own, and then following up with the "traditional" but unreligious vows we all know and love. DF wants a civil/unreligious ceremony but I want that element of the traditional to complement our own thoughts/promises to each other. Its a great idea, but now its writing time and I'd love some hints/tips on what works what doesn't and what you've seen and liked/disliked.

Tents/Outdoor weddings- I'm beginning to feel the first hints of panic regarding weather for our outdoor wedding. We have a tent reserved but the tent would be delivered the day before the wedding so the decision has to be made in advance of the actual day. No ability to look out the window morning of and call it accordingly. Right now the forecast calls for "possibility of scattered thunderstorms". I'm hoping it'll change (Monday's weather looks pretty good - hopefully it'll queue up) but what would you do? Would you get the tent to be safe (and ensure sun/cloudless skies because you did it) or would you risk the fact that its only a possibility of rain and hope for the best? [I'm also wondering if its possible to get the tent, and then if it looks good on the day of the wedding, have my dad and brother take it down. But its one of those big tents so I don't know if they could?}

Absolutely get the tent. No question. Even if only so you can cross it off your mind as something to worry about.

We had an outdoor ceremony and cocktail reception - and I can promise you that the weather forecasts are completely unreliable. We were due for huge thunderstorms the day of our wedding - every internet site, tv meteorologist, and radio station was positive of this. But it actually rained the day BEFORE and we had beautiful sunny skies. Try to ignore it!

We wrote our own vows - I think it's really anything goes. I guess I'd focus on what you both want to say to each other and hear from each other - I do remember hearing people complain about brides and grooms who include a lot of inside jokes, etc. - which the guests don't get. But it wouldn't personally bother me!

stefania4

06-28-2004, 08:27 AM

Originally posted by helios7
Morning ladies - I have a couple questions for the "masses" both planning and who have planned weddings.

Vows - Did anyone write their own vows? We're writing our own, and then following up with the "traditional" but unreligious vows we all know and love. DF wants a civil/unreligious ceremony but I want that element of the traditional to complement our own thoughts/promises to each other. Its a great idea, but now its writing time and I'd love some hints/tips on what works what doesn't and what you've seen and liked/disliked. You would never, ever do this anyway, I'm sure, but I thought I'd mention it.

I've only been to one wedding where the couple wrote their own vows. In front of the minister, their grandparents, small children, and the rest of us guests the couple included their sexual promises to one another in their vows. It was horrifying.

Stay away from that, and you're golden! :D

kabs

06-28-2004, 08:33 AM

Hello everyone,

helios- Another vote for getting the tent. I would do it for peace of mind. Our ceremony is outside, but we have the option of having it on a (covered) terrace in case the weather is bad. I have little or no anxiety over the weather because we have a good option. As far as vows go, we are not writing our own, but think its nice when couples do.

eva- Love your flowers. THey are beautiful. I love bouquest with all one kind of flower. I am not doing a toss bouquet, because we are not doing a bouquet toss! :p I have about 2 single friends left, and I will not make them get out on the dance floor to be humiliated. I have been to weddings where I was one of the only singletons, and it's embarrassing! I even went to one wedding, where my friend made the DJ announce my name to come out the floor b/c i was hiding! :( So, we are doing something else besides the bouquet toss(don't remember where I picked this up, but I think it's so sweet): We'll ask all couples to come to the dance floor to dance, throughout the song, the DJ will ask couples who have been married longer than 5 years to stay on the dance floor. Then 10 years...then 15 years...and so on...Eventually we'll have the couple that has been married the longest still on the dance floor, and I'll give my bouquet to them.

So, here's my next thing TO DO on my list- THE HONEYMOON. Any thoughts, or recommendations? Here's our criteria:

1. we are not huge beach people, we like nice weather, but would like to have other options than lying on the beach all day.

2. We are big hotel people, we like nice hotels and want to be catered to on our honeymoon. :D

3. We would also consider an all-inclusive package.

4. We only have 6 days, so we don't want to go somewhere too far away, so that we are spending two days of our honeymoon on the plane!

Have a good day, everyone!

Kim

HUNGRY!

06-28-2004, 08:36 AM

I would get the tent as well. Even if its sunny, some people might like it for the shade. Do it, your piece of mind will be worth the money.

NewMrsG

06-28-2004, 08:53 AM

Originally posted by stefania4
I've only been to one wedding where the couple wrote their own vows. In front of the minister, their grandparents, small children, and the rest of us guests the couple included their sexual promises to one another in their vows. It was horrifying.

OMG! Horrifying.

Kim - we went to Quebec City and Montreal and I'd HIGHLY recommend it. It was incredibly romantic and very different - felt like we'd flown to Europe for a lot less money. WE stayed at really wonderful places and ate lots of great food and had a blast. I'd do it again in a heartbeat. We're also not beach people, and I remember thinking that so much of the classic "honeymoon destinations" are beachy.

We did the anniversary dance too - and gave flowers to the couple married the longest. It was very sweet. Have your dj start with "couples married an hour" so you can start it out with them!

helios7

06-28-2004, 08:58 AM

Stefania4 - that's absolutely horrifying! I can't think of anything worse and you're correct, I would rather spill a big glass of red wine down my dress and trip going down the aisle than ever do that!!!

kabs- we're lucky in that we have more time (12 days) so we're going to Switzerland. We too aren't big beach people, although we will spend 3 days in the Italian Riviera which will be a nice change. But I thought newMrsG's suggestion of Quebec as being Europe-like but closer was a great one.

Yes, I guess we'll do the tent. Its just hard, we're getting married in what's basically a park so having the wedding under the tent will really mar the outdoor feeling. We'll see... maybe the weather will change.

I wasn't going to do a bouquet toss (as I have respect for my single friends) but I realized we have several teenage girls/young girls who would probably enjoy catching the bouquet. So I figured I will warn my single friends so they can hang back and let the young ones enjoy the thrill.

stefania4

06-28-2004, 09:17 AM

Originally posted by helios7
Stefania4 - that's absolutely horrifying! I can't think of anything worse and you're correct, I would rather spill a big glass of red wine down my dress and trip going down the aisle than ever do that!!!

I wasn't going to do a bouquet toss (as I have respect for my single friends) but I realized we have several teenage girls/young girls who would probably enjoy catching the bouquet. So I figured I will warn my single friends so they can hang back and let the young ones enjoy the thrill. To make matters worse, they included body language. It's also the only dry wedding I've ever attended and, coincidentally, the only one where I could've really gone for a drink (during the ceremony, no less). :rolleyes:

There are some creative things being done with the bouquet toss these days, for exactly the reason you mentioned. Some couples award the bouquet to the couple married the longest, others split it between their parents or grandparents, and I heard of one bride who removed the ribbon before she tossed it, so flowers cascaded all over everyone. I bet the pictures of that are incredible.

stefania4

06-28-2004, 09:19 AM

Originally posted by kabs
So, here's my next thing TO DO on my list- THE HONEYMOON. Any thoughts, or recommendations? Here's our criteria:

1. we are not huge beach people, we like nice weather, but would like to have other options than lying on the beach all day.

2. We are big hotel people, we like nice hotels and want to be catered to on our honeymoon. :D

3. We would also consider an all-inclusive package.

4. We only have 6 days, so we don't want to go somewhere too far away, so that we are spending two days of our honeymoon on the plane!
We eloped to, and honeymooned at, Charleston/Isle of Palms, South Carolina. We had the beach right there, gorgeous historic Charleston, and historic Beaufort an hour and a half (or so) away. Charleston's restaurants are amazing.

kabs

06-28-2004, 10:08 AM

We eloped to, and honeymooned at, Charleston/Isle of Palms, South Carolina. We had the beach right there, gorgeous historic Charleston, and historic Beaufort an hour and a half (or so) away. Charleston's restaurants are amazing.

Stephania4- It's so ironic that you recommend Charleston. This is where DF and I were living when we got together! We only lived there for a year, but he took me back to Chas. to propose. It was so romantic and beautiful! I love Charleston...

NewMrsG- We also went to Montreal a few summers ago and we loved it! These are the kinds of places I want to know about. It just happens that we've been to both of those places. But keep those suggestions coming!

Thanks!
Kim

HUNGRY!

06-28-2004, 10:10 AM

Try Banff, Alberta, Canada. That's were we were going to go until my FI talked me into the beach (Mexico). It sounds really cool.

mobear

06-28-2004, 10:20 AM

I don't know why I am not getting the response notices anymore. Don't mean to hijack, but I just want to rant...and yes, I have posted to it within the timeline cutoff. :confused:

I would get the tent. If you have elderly attending the wedding, they usually can't be out in the direct sun too long for fear of heat stroke. Especially if it is a long ceremony. Also, it is one less thing to worry about. Is it one of those tents where you can roll up the sides and tie them up, so you can still see all of the green (at least through the sides of the tent)?

HUNGRY!

06-28-2004, 02:54 PM

Woo hoo! Invitations are signed off on and should be in by next Tuesday. I couldn't believe how fast we got them. And I was worried! Of course, it only gives me 3 weeks to address them all (and I'll be away 2/3 weekends).

KristinK

06-28-2004, 03:18 PM

Yay, Hungry!

We ordered our invitations this morning. What a relief! I picked up the cutest thank-you cards to use for shower gifts too.

I love the other bouquet toss ideas. I was thinking of skipping it too, even though we'll have plenty of singles there since we're the first of our friends to get married. But we just watched a video from a recent wedding at our site, and the bride tossed the bouquet from over the second floor balcony that overlooks the main floor, which looked nice. I really like the idea of letting the flowers fall loose too. But then the anniversary dance sounds sweet too -- I know DF's mom's parents would end up with the bouquet in that case.

As for the vows, I agree with Jori and Stephanie that you only need to be careful not to leave your guests confused about inside jokes, or worse, embarrass them or yourselves with too personal information.

DF and I talked about writing our own, but decided against it. I think I'll be too emotional, and he'll be too nervous. I am planning to make a speech at our reception to thank my parents and gush about DF. :)

jphilg

06-28-2004, 03:26 PM

Regarding the "write your own vows" issue:

When Peter and I were married 3 years ago, we exchanged our own personal vows two days before the wedding. Before things got crazy with all of the guests, we went for a picnic in a secluded area and promised eachother the very personal things that we didn't feel the need to share with our friends, family, and assorted co-workers. Then, during the ceremony, we exchanged the "magic word" vows (slightly re-configured to express the equality that is central to our marriage) in front of the minister.

It was perfect for us...just another option to consider.

aggie94

06-28-2004, 05:10 PM

We wrote our own vows/ceremony, but we did not recite the vows to each other. I tend to be audience-shy, so I thought repeating them would be much easier than fumbling around for the words on my own. We used sample ceremonies that my friend loaned us, that she got from a judge she worked for. We sat down together and picked the bits and pieces of each that we liked, then changed them as needed to something that suited us and sounded like us.

We also had an outdoor ceremony and debated the tent idea. Ultimately, we decided against it, partly because of cost, partly because of convenience, and partly because of appearances. We thought it would interfere with the scenery, which was gorgeous, and I just knew that if we went ahead with it (and it would have been a hassle, since our wedding site was over an hour out of town), it would go completely unused.

Also, our ceremony was VERY short (15 minutes, maybe?) and very small (about 35 guests). We did it on the deck of a gazebo, so had it started raining, we could have gone underneath the gazebo and crammed all our guests in there with us. Since it was a casual, intimate affair, we didn't think the weather would be a big deal - we'd just deal with it for a few minutes, then make a run for it back up to the restaurant, where the reception was being held. (Incidentally, if we had had an outdoor reception as well, I definitely would have opted for the tent).

And FWIW, the weather was perfect. Warm, sunny, not a cloud in the sky. :)