The way to a man's heart...

[MrsReber]

I have completely spoiled my husband with cooking. He does brag to his friends about it. He tells them how I make ice cream and fresh bread and pizza crust. He brags all the time about me making cinnamon rolls for breakfast on the weekends. It's great. Makes me feel good, too. It's not so common for women to cook meals anymore. I know he really appreciates it. He also loves the brownies, pies and cookies that I make. I enjoy it even more knowing how much he appreciates it. Apparently the other wives and girlfriends order out more than anything!

Food is a topic of conversation at home, but it's always a topic of conversation for me. I can't get together with my mom without talking about food- what we had for dinner last night, a new dish we want to try, etc. Must be the Italian in us. We really love a good meal. I think for my husband, he just loves the "hominess" of a good home cooked meal. Especially when he goes out hunting for the day and gets to come home to a hearty meal.

I don't think a man will come strolling in the door- I didn't meet my husband because of my love of cooking. I know that it does really appeal to some men who don't have the ability to cook for themselves or the luxury of having a good meal prepared for them at home.

[This message has been edited by MrsReber (edited 03-21-2001).]

[mandarin2j]

comabri-

Actually, one of the things my husband first noticed about me was my love of cooking. He's very into simplicity-eating to live, not living to eat-and so he was a little fascinated by how much I make of meals. We met while both in student government in college, and we had to attend the same weekly meetings. Since I worked full-time during the summer, I would attend the meetings during my lunch hour, bringing my homemade lunch with me. I was making these amazing veggie burritos pretty much every day for lunch. During the meeting, I'd munch away at my wonderful-looking lunch (with a cloth napkin in my lap!) as others ate Taco Bell or fries, or whatever other stuff the school food court offered.

I guess it showed him that I like to take simple things and make them special. He always brags about my cooking and will relate conversations he has with colleagues (he has a 3 hour a day commute and carpools) about my cooking interests. Now, that's not the only thing that brought us together, but food is a part of our relationship, and helps us firm our relationships with our couple friends. I introduced him to sushi on our first date, and we have our closest friends over almost weekly as guinea pigs for some new CL recipe. Sometimes me making a big deal out of food kind of drives him up a wall (as when I'm using every gadget in the kitchen and he has to clean them as part of our "I cook, you clean" deal), but he's always happy with the result!

If you're looking for the homebody type, than that sort of guy is going to appreciate your hobby of cooking. Lots of guys I dated were allergic to staying in during the evening, and so I think my hobby freaked them out a bit. I think they believe you already have china patterns picked out or something if you want to share a homemade meal with them! http://www.cookinglight.com/bbs/wink.gif

[Jewel]

My husband is a wonder...first of all, he was 37 when I met him and never married with no kids! I didn't think those men even existed! I actually met him through a Personal Ad. (not online, the old fashioned way...a real newspaper!) He'd spent five years with a lady who had four daughters, and she was really into routine convenience food: Spaghetti Mondays, Taco Tuesdays, Meatloaf Wednesdays, and the like.

He confessed to me while we were dating that he LOVED variety. He loved most foods, and loved to try new things. I told him I really loved cooking, but at that time I was still learning a lot of the basics, and asked him if he would mind being my tester? His wide grin told me he wouldn't mind at all! The first month we lived together he didn't get the same meal twice, and he loved it! There were a few boo-boos, but looked at them with a giggle and ate them anyway. I've made him promise to tell me if he doesn't like something, and to tell me how it could be made better. He's not shy about saying 'Next time, how about a little more garlic?' I've made him memorize our agreement: "Tell me if you don't like something...if you don't tell me, you're going to get it again!!" I don't want him to say 10 years from now, "You know, I've always hated Steak Da Vinci!" when I've been making it once a month for all that time!

He brags on me constantly, and continually enjoys making his co-workers jealous when he takes leftovers for lunch. Lately, he's taken to bringing the more 'fragrant' things to work just to drive them crazy. I actually have three of his co-workers joking with me about catering a lunch! http://www.cookinglight.com/bbs/eek.gif

So in my rambling way, I'm trying to say that it depends on the man! I got lucky! My advice to meet men that share your interest in food and healthy cooking? Take a Cooking Class! Lots of single men figure out that cooking is now 'cool', and they can only defrost so much and open so many cans before they get bored. Either that or place a personal ad describing yourself as a great cook and see who responds! http://www.cookinglight.com/bbs/wink.gif

[BeckyM]

My husband appreciates my cooking, but I don't think it's necessarily something he was looking for. He likes good food, and he especially likes that I make healthy dishes, but he shares the opinion someone else mentioned about being frustrated by the amount of dishes and gadgets he has to clean after I've been cooking. He actually discourages me from cooking some nights, because he's too tired to deal with a mess (even if it's a small one) when I'm done!

I think overall my husband would count my cooking as a positive thing about me, but I doubt it had much to do with his attraction for me. I guess maybe it might have been an indication that I'm a person who isn't into fancy restaurants and going out all the time and that I prefer making things myself and spending quiet time at home. So it may have attracted him slightly, but I think he would still love me just as much if I didn't cook for him as much.

comabri -- Good luck finding a guy who appreciates you! Just remember to be true to yourself and not try to be someone you think he wants you to be. (I'm not implying you would -- I just know I've done that in the past with disastrous results!)

[Wendy w]

This is a really fun thread, I love reading all of your stories! As a 41 year old single person, I just have to put my $.002 in!

Over the years, I have had beaux with varying food tastes. I once dated a "culinary bore" who only ate meat, potatoes, peas and corn. For adventure, he liked lobster and some cornish hens that I still make. He was a jerk as well.

I have learned that I could never, ever love a man with limited tastes, and I find that their conversational and other skills are limited as well.

For the most part, they really like the fact that I cook and enjoy being on the receiving end. They feel flattered by the effort that I put into cooking as so many women don't anymore. I cook because I want to, not because I have to.

I dated a guy on and off for about 10 years (in fact, we are still good friends), an Italian from the east coast, Mrs. Reber! Food was one of the main things that kept us together for so long as we both loved to cook together and go out to nice restaurants and a few ethnic dives as well. We sometimes fought over who was going to get to cook!

My current boyfriend loves to cook and loves my cooking as well. He likes to brag about his "gourmet girlfriend" and claims that he gave up ketchup on his eggs after meeting me. We are always talking about food and trying new things. On the weekends, he watches Emeril instead of sports! http://www.cookinglight.com/bbs/biggrin.gif What a guy! Bam!!

comabri, your comment about the right man knocking on your door reminds me about something a male co-worker once said to me when I wanted a boyfriend and wasn't going out. He told me to get out there as I was not going to find one in my kitchen. Jewel has a great idea about running an ad mentioning your love of cooking. This thread sure does provoke a lot of commentation,and for your sake, I shall stop now!


[This message has been edited by Wendy w (edited 03-21-2001).]

[MrsReber]

Wendy, there is much great Italian food in the northeast! I went out with an Italian man, but unfortunately he was an egomaniac and never let me cook- then told me that I was spoiled because I "wanted" him to do all the cooking. When I did cook for him, he'd always have something bad to say about it- he even threw out some cookies that I made and told me that my lemon chicken "sucked" and then laughed about it! Couldn't understand why that upset me. He wouldn't let me lighten any of the meals, either, and insisted on follwing a recipe to the letter. He's long gone. Jerk. I dumped him for my wonderful, appreciative husband.

mandarin2j is absolutely correct- the men who are homebodies appreciate the warm feeling of a home cooked meal. My hubby would rather eat a healthy meal at home than load up on fat going out- but we do go out about once a week to give me a break from the kitchen.

[Vanessa]

When I met my husband I did not cook. My mom was a great cook so my then boyfriend enjoyed all those culinary treats. I started getting interested in cooking and when I married mom said "if you can read you can cook". I started slowly experimenting and my DH was so enthusiastic trying out things. I got hooked on cooking and learning about cooking. For a while he kept rating the dishes saying ":this is the best". Finally I told him to be honest and tell me what could be changed or improved. He is very easy going and a good sport on trying stuff but there are some stuff he won't try. I do "sneak" ingredients in recipes and he has been good about it.
I think definitely a way to a man's heart (or at least to many men) is through their stomach. I have noticed men love to be pampered with a nice meal (just listen how they brag to their friends)....
If you are single and enjoy cooking invite friends over there are always friends who have single friends that you can meet. In a wine class or cooking class you will see many guys nowdays too.Good luck!

[Gail]

You know that old saying, "A watched pot never boils?" Same holds true for relationships. Good ones have a way of sneaking up on you when you least expect them. If finding a man who appreciates your cooking is important to you, Jewel and Vanessa raise good points-- join a cooking or a wine class, get out there and mingle with the people who enjoy food and wine.

I can't say that's the way it happened with me. I mean, being a good cook is certainly nice; but it's a lot more impressive as a bonus of a well-rounded and interesting person. Although things may have changed in the years we've been married, I don't honestly think the way to my husband's heart was through his stomach-- the reality was that neither of us found out I could cook until we'd known each other for a while. What was far more integral to our success was a mutual openness to new experiences, viewpoints and places. Sampling new foods was a part of that. A year into our marriage I confessed my secret desire to one day see Greece; one day he simply came home with an itinerary and tickets! In preparation, I began cooking Greek foods, and much to my pleasure found he loved them. It was uphill from there-- we traveled together, explored together, ate together. Experiences and memories grew. For us, food has always been an important part of our existence. Our eleven-year-old sniffs his food before eating it, waxes enthusiastic over pesto and calamari, and revels in dreamy-eyed recollections of meals he's eaten in other places. It isn't just about stuffing our faces until we're full-- it's about enthusiasm.

Maybe that's my take on the real key to my man's heart: enthusiasm. And that same quality, I think, is what keeps things new and exciting.

[Emdg]

I think it's a matter of having things in common with your husband or potential husband. My husband and I love to eat, and to talk about it. It may be a meal we've eaten in our travels, or just some fab thing we have made at home.

When we first met, I did cook, but wasn't very adventerous. I lived in a city and had access to great restaurants and grocery stores with deli's etc. Ten years ago I moved to his home in the middle of nowhere...although our area has come a long way since then...it was a culinary wasteland back then. As a consequence, I began to cook more, got interested in cooking light (my CL subscription goes back to '93), and have never looked back.

One of the qualities that my husband has in common with many of yours is his great appreciation for my cooking. I take great pride in preparing healthy, nutritious meals for us. He has a nack for finding great wines, and we are working on our F&W pairings. For us it is a form of entertainment.

I think it adds romance to our day. We always dine. Candles and flowers, placemats and cloth napkins are a must for us.

It is also a way for us to chat and be together. He is my sous chef...and always does the onions http://www.cookinglight.com/bbs/smile.gif

So, I'm not sure if the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. But maybe having a warm full stomach...helps makes for a warm full heart.

Good luck with your search for the right guy!

[Curleytop]

I got married at 19 and didn't know too much about cooking. I love to cook, bake and just about live in the kitchen. Every morning one of us asks "what's for dinner tonite", and we decide on a menu. This way I know if I have to buy something for the dinner. He really appreciates all the foods, and never complains. He is a joy, and I have been married to him almost 56 years. Today I made boysenberry pies,( I still had some in the freezer from last year, and they are starting to bloom again
down in the canyon). I always bake for us and the "boys" which are middle aged men by now, but they live within 5 miles of our house. I leave little goodies for the in their kitchen. Spoiled rotten!

[Grace]

Oh Curleytop! What a WONDERFUL story. I married my husband 2-1/2 years ago (I'm 37 now), and my biggest goal in life now is to make it to our 50th wedding anniversary! (I'm going to have to live to be 85 to do that - that's the bigger challenge - keeping my marriage happy seems easy in comparison!). Anyhow, congratulations on making it to 56 years, and I'm sure the thought, time and effort and LOVE you put into making your family meals was an important factor in keeping your marriage happy! http://www.cookinglight.com/bbs/smile.gif

Thankfully, my husband LOVES my cooking, and is disappointed when I don't have something homemade for him. But he has also told me that if I never made him another meal again, he'd still be happy to be married to me! Makes me want to cook him a feast every night! (He's probably using reverse psychology on me, but I don't care!)

[makedah]

Originally posted by comabri:
So, as a single woman, waiting for the right man, if I just keep cooking and cooking and cooking, will he just walk up to my door and start knocking?

Nope.

My mother, however, believes that because I cook well, that some fella is going to fall for me. (Therefore, she fully endorses my hobby!) I think that's an old-fashioned idea (I'm 28) and that most men don't care about that stuff too much. Not a single one of my friends who are married or dating can cook. But to be perfectly honest, I don't have a clue about what men want. http://www.cookinglight.com/bbs/rolleyes.gif

The fact of the matter is that the right one might NEVER come knocking. It happens all the time. Keep cooking (and doing whatever else you love) anyway.

[Curleytop]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Curleytop:
[B]I got married at 19 and didn't know too much about cooking. I love to cook, bake and just about live in the kitchen. Every morning one of us asks "what's for dinner tonite", and we decide on a menu. This way I know if I have to buy something for the dinner. He really appreciates all the foods, and never complains. He is a joy, and I have been married to him almost 56 (see addendum) years. Today I made boysenberry pies,( I still had some in the freezer from last year, and they are starting to bloom again
down in the canyon). I always bake for us and the "boys" which are middle aged men by now, but they live within 5 miles of our house. I leave little goodies for them in their kitchen. Spoiled rotten!
PS:It will be 57 years this summer!

[funnybone]

Makedah, you sound exactly like my sister (same age too). Funny thing, she recently moved and lives close to a fire station. I told her to pay those firemen a visit and see what they are cooking. She hasn't yet - I guess she'll start her own fire, and then they'll have to come to her door. LOL.

[Neanne]

I guess none of the guys who post here want to answer this one!!

[eks]

As a single woman who loves to cook, I wish cooking would send "mr. right" my way!! I love hearing everyone's sweet stories. I believe that being single is my opportunity to pursue personal goals and interests. Hopefully whoever I end up with can enjoy my enthusiasm for cooking.

[comabri]

OK. I'm single. I've seen so many of you give feedback on recipes and they often start with ... "I made this recipe for myself and my DH (or SO) last night".

Do those of you who cook new and various and sometimes adventurous meals for your SO's think that possibly, the true way to a man's heart is through his stomach?

Is it somehow a way to keep the relationship new and exciting? Does the food become and interesting topic of conversation?

So, as a single woman, waiting for the right man, if I just keep cooking and cooking and cooking, will he just walk up to my door and start knocking?

[funnybone]

My husband could not care any less what I cook. I swear he has no tastebites! He just isn't interested in food - but will eat just about anything. It's good because I can make what I feel like having, but it's bad because he never has any ideas - his answer is "anything you like is fine by me". Maybe its because his mom wasn't/isn't an adventurous cook, so food was on the dull side for him growing up.

[Ed]

Originally posted by Neanne:
I guess none of the guys who post here want to answer this one!!


That's right.

I think I'll leave it to the experts.

I will say I sure have enjoyed reading all the posts from you fine women, and I can say from what I've read that there are some real fortunate men out there in your lives.

Ed

[SusanL]

Brussels Sprouts!! Just kidding.
I have to say that if anyone suggests you go out with a friend, go out with that person. A good friend bugged me for months to go out with a co-worker. I finally agreed and we have been married over ten wonderful years. She still reminds me that I don't have to thank for introducing him to me!!
I agree that being able to cook is great but you have to put yourself into situations where you meet people. Join as many activities that you can. It is the warm woman who attracts a man, the cooking is a bonus.

[Vanessa]

I showed my Dh this thread and he found it interesting. Actually he is amazed at how many topics we have etc... He says that the idea of joining a wine or food class is good if you are looking for someone that shares those two interest with you.
He also suggests a way of meeting "mr right"
many times is through other friends. Also taking a class at your local college (computer etc). Another place to find your soul mate might be in sport events.
In our case we met in church. Friendship and getting to know each other bloomed into love and a great marriage. In my opinion when I was single I place great importance in friendship and someone I felt at ease with. Common interest help but at times opposites attract and it makes for an interesting relationship. I think love comes into your love unexpectedly. You can meet Mr Right really any place.And from friends etc we see when friends least expect it they meet someone http://www.cookinglight.com/bbs/smile.gif The cooking part its a bonus.

[RobinC]

A friend of mine met her husband at a beer tasting class. I think there first date was when she invited him over to her house to help brew up a batch of beer.

My DB and I have found the way to each other's heats by spoiling each other and taking care of each other. I cook hot fresh food for him, and he never complains if it is lightened up. He is also food adventurous. At Christmas time I bought him tools and he bought me jewelry. The guy at the tool store was amazed that I was concerned with finding the tools that my DB really wanted, the sales guy said they could but me on a pedestal. http://www.cookinglight.com/bbs/biggrin.gif

[hka]

Like, Vanessa, I met my husband through church. I did cook but it's only been in the last few years that I've found how much I enjoy it. I've been receiving CL for many years now and have been making more and more recipes from them. My DH pretty much enjoys every one. You always have a few that you wouldn't maybe make again but most everything is wonderful. He also does the dishes for me while I cook. We don't have a dishwasher so he is the "dishwasher". That's one thing that I appreciate so much about him as he appreciates my cooking. I work a full day just like him and still come home to make dinner and I know that he does appreciate it. Many times when he's taken leftovers for lunch he'll call me and say thank you and that it was SOOOO good. It always makes me feel good when he does that. http://www.cookinglight.com/bbs/biggrin.gif

[MrsReber]

Hey, I met my husband through my sister and brother-in-law! It was at my sister's 30th birthday party and I was trying to get some other guy to come with me. Good thing he didn't or we never would've met!

My sister met her husband at Nickel beer night at a bar, speaking of common interests http://www.cookinglight.com/bbs/biggrin.gif

[pammy]

I'm married to one of those east coast Italian guys, so he has been raised to appreciate culinary talent. I agree wholeheartedly with much that has been said already. You probably won't meet a man in your kitchen (unless you have a big party and ask your friends to bring every single guy they know - couldn't hurt, huh????), but when you do meet someone special, don't waste time getting him there! My husband and I place a great emphasis on taking care of each other, and one of the ways that I care for/pamper him is to plan good meals for us to enjoy. The whole process - shopping, prep, eating, clean-up - has become a warm and loving ritual for us. So, the bottom line is that if you meet that special someone (I have no advice on that one - not sure how I got so lucky with my husband), he will most likely appreciate that you want to use your cooking talents to his benefit.

[SueK]

I met my husband through work. All our coworkers tried to fix us up and I adamantly refused, because I had sworn off men due to a bad relationship. Then once everyone got off my case, I realized how great he was and we started seeing each other! Now we've been married almost 7 years.

Believe me, my cooking abilities didn't win him over, because I had none. My friends still tease me that I'm the one that was famous for only having yogurt and beer in her fridge. Now I love to cook and my husband just sits in amazement at our meals.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that you shouldn't knock yourself out to prove any kind of ability to someone you are dating. Just be yourself and things will happen like they're supposed to happen. I got married long after my friends were all married, but it never bothered me, because I was happy on my own, and I knew that if there was someone out there for me, fate would intervene.

[comabri]

Thank you all for your wonderful stories and comments. I by no means really think someone will come knocking on my door -- unless of course they want to know what the wonderful aroma is coming from my apartment.

I'm single, new to town, single mom, no babysitters, no family within 1200 miles... so it's kind of hard to get out to places to meet anyone. Chuckecheese and the playground just doesn't make the cut for great places to meet people. However, I'm in my early 30's and I have plenty of time. I hope when I do find someone, that he loves my cooking, loves my child, loves me (not necessarily in that order), and that the relationship turns out like so many that I read about on this board.

Thanks for the inspiration.

[adb]

Love everyone's stories! I met my husband when I was an intern in his dept at work - luckily he was a low level employee funding his education and unmarried so I didn't become as famous as another intern we have all heard way too much about...

My only concern about trying to meet someone through cooking is the old saying about too many cooks in the kitchen. Maybe I am just a control freak, but if my hubby were as interested in cooking as I am we would be butting heads a lot. I too am fortunate that he loves my cooking and likes to boast to others. He has gotten into cooking more himself now by adding the Food Network to his normal channel flipping and likes to help plan meals. That works out well as long as he doesn't go to the store and see how much the ingredients cost! That has a way of curbing his appetite.

Good luck with the search for a soul mate!

[valeriek]

I totally agree with the others who talked about "upgrading" a friendship. I'm 28 and have been dating the most wonderful man for two years. We were great friends for 2 years prior to us starting to date. One night our other friends didn't want to go out so the two of us got together to watch a baseball game at our favorite bar, and we've been going out (just the two of us) ever since!!! By the way, it isn't a love of cooking we share (he thinks a microwave is gourmet cooking) but we share a love of sports. Having things to do together that you both enjoy is key.

I love these stories!
[This message has been edited by valeriek (edited 03-22-2001).]

[This message has been edited by valeriek (edited 03-22-2001).]

[Searcher]

I met my husband through his best friend. I'd dated the friend first. We were married a year later, I was 19 and he was 20. We'll have been married for 36 years this May.

We recently moved to an old house that needs a lot of renovation which we're doing ourselves. We're having a great time doing this too. This summer we're hoping to finally begin on the kitchen, a large room with not a single counter or cabinet (fun, huh? http://www.cookinglight.com/bbs/rolleyes.gif We do a lot of cooking together these days although I'm still the baker. I usually make all our bread. We do enjoy this time alone now that our girls are all grown and have moved away. I miss them and our three grandsons but doing these things together is so much fun. He even does the dishes every night!

He's always complimentary, but will tell me if there's a dish he didn't enjoy. I think he appreciates the extra time I take to make his meals nice and when we moved (only 7 minutes away from his office) he started coming home almost every day for lunch. It's nice to have a break in the middle of the day.

Keep on looking for those Mr. Rights. They're out there.

[luv2cook]

I don't know if my hubby brags about my food but I know that people have seen him eating and it's come up that way. I also satisfy my need to do sweets by making some for his office and saving very little for home.

I think food has become such the "in" thing to do and I'm glad because I think it brings people together. I never would have met our Supper Club group if it wasn't for f-o-o-d!

[Jewel]

Comabri, I have to tell you this...you mentioned playground? A girlfriend of mine was also a single mom that had to take her kids with her if she wanted to go ANYWHERE but work. No family close by, and she wasn't really a 'sitter' person, just to go run errands. She took her four year old girl to the park about 3 years ago. Her daughter was playing in the sandbox about 3 feet away from her when this total Studmuffin walked by, leading his dog on a leash. My friend said something under her breath like "Man, what a great smile! Wonder if HE'S single?" She didn't realize her daughter had heard her. Before she knew what was happening, her daughter was up and making nice-nice with the doggie on the leash. She then looked right up into the man's face and said "My mommy thinks you have a great smile and wants to know if you're single?" The man smiled at her and said "Tell your Mommy that I think she's got a great daughter, and yes I am!"

They've been married for nearly two years. Get to the park Girlfriend!! And pack a picnic lunch!! http://www.cookinglight.com/bbs/wink.gif

[KValley]

This is such a heart-warming thread. With all of the dreadful statistics that paint such a bleak picture of marriage, it's wonderful to read these celebrations of happy, healthy relationships.

I have CL to thank for my husband finally learning to enjoy cooking! I bought the CL 5-Ingredient 15-Minute cook a couple of years ago and through that, my DH lost his fear of the stove, refrigerator, and all that space and equipment in between. He's taken the very simple recipes therein and created his own "specialties". Can't get him excited about tofu, however...

Some of our most precious times together have been enjoying a homecooked meal, a bottle of wine, and Van Morrison on the stereo. Few things give me more emotional and spiritual satisfaction than creating in the kitchen.

I still do 70 percent of the cooking- I take greater pleasure in it than out of any sense of "have to"- I know my DH appreciates the effort and the fact that after nine years of marriage, we are entering our mid 30's healthier than ever!

Anyway, bravo to all of those great relationships out there and bonne chance to those still looking... it's worth the wait.