Dating and cooking

[Chef Cindy]

This is sort of a strange topic but something I thought would be fun to run past all of you.
I was having a conversation with a woman I didn't know and she told me that her friends warned her not to tell the men she dates that is an excellent cook because she won't know if they like her for who she is or for her cooking. She also said that she didn't tell her current boyfriend for about a year that she can cook. I was amazed that she could keep it quite fo so long. Then I started thinking of my resent experiences since I have been cooking for a living. It does seem that a few men's eyes light up when they find out I that I earn a living by cooking. It occured to me that it might be hard to tell if he likes your cooking or he likes you. I guess it is better than being liked for a body part! LOL.
Have any of you had any doubts about your date's motives?? Do share.

[makedah]

No opinion, I just think it's hilarious! If men will stoop to that, then they're really hard-up (whoops!) for a good meal!

If you have any doubt, just don't cook for him until you're sure.

[Jewel]

Personally, I think it's kinda underhanded not to mention it. If you're trying to get to know someone, why leave out something that you enjoy so much? It's part of what makes you 'YOU'. Put the shoe on the other foot... how would you like to date a guy for a few months before you found out that he was an expert auto mechanic and loved to tinker with cars? What if he told you later that he didn't want to say anything in the beginning, 'cause he was afraid you might love him only for that transmission replacement? http://www.cookinglight.com/bbs/eek.gif

In this wacky world we now live in, it's hard enough finding someone to share your life with. I would think that hiding things about yourself would make it even harder! Just my opinion...

[lorilei]

It's definitely a ridiculous thing to HIDE something about yourself just to avoid being vulnerable to heartbreak... However, I'm going to dissent just a little bit for the sake of conversation.

What about the glorious mystery of an evolving relationship? What about the beauty of a rosebud that opens gently and reveals its beauty slowly and deliberately?

I think we tend to jump into relationships and "give everything up all at once". I think that there could be some real benefit in holding some things back and reveling in the process of discovering one another's finer points.

There's also some benefit in not flattering oneself too much in the beginning of a relationship. Being a "GOOD" cook is a pretty subjective opinion -- one person's "good cook" is another person's "mediocre cook".

I never tell anyone that I'm a good cook. I tell them that I like experimenting with food http://www.cookinglight.com/bbs/smile.gif I say: let them find out for themselves and make up their own minds!

[donleyk]

Just off the cuff... I have someone in my office that has stated that his #1 priority in finding his mate was that she was a good cook. Now, he is also 55 years old, so maybe attitudes have changed but if I were dating today I might keep that under my hat for awhile....

[hlao23]

Wonder if some guys might equate "enjoys cooking", "is a good cook" or "cooks for a living" with "wants to cook all the time". I consider myself a good cook and I enjoy it but my husband still cooks dinner at least a couple of times per week.

Regarding your earning a living by cooking, I can't help but think of the Seinfeld episode where his new girlfried, who is a person who gives back rubs for a living (I can't spell the M word http://www.cookinglight.com/bbs/redface.gif), won't give him a massage. http://www.cookinglight.com/bbs/smile.gif

[Saralee]

What an interesting thought. Being a single gal, I've found that it's a lot of fun on dates to cook together. It may sound a bit odd at first, but cooking together is just really a great way to talk and learn about each other in a really laid back environment.

The guy that I'm dating now, actually, cooked dinner for me on our first date! He got extra points right from the beginning. He had grilled chicken on his little Foreman, made rice, corn and okra. (okay, I ended up bringing dessert. I had to help a little, for all of his hard work.)

So by all means, share the cooking secret. Who knows, the other person may be a great cook, too, and think of the fun times. http://www.cookinglight.com/bbs/smile.gif

[Wendy w]

I love to cook and make no secret of it-why hide something that you love. However, it does not mean that I'm always in the mood to cook and do like being wined and dined once in awhile for balance. My BF frequently cooks for me when I don't feel like it. I do let people know that I can do good Costco, Trader Joe's and can open a can with the best of them http://www.cookinglight.com/bbs/wink.gif .

[LGBurns]

I think Wendy and Saralee's comments point out that your friend has a slightly sexist attitude toward men. Who's to say that she wouldn't meet a man who cooked as well as, or better than, her? My brother is an excellent cook and so is his wife--they love to cook for guests and make special meals together. If you really love something and you miss out on meeting someone who loves it too 'cuz you won't share that would be a real shame.

[Chef Cindy]

Thanks everyone for your input. It has been very entertaining. Personaly I have never kept it a secret that I really love to cook and I am with Saralee that some of the best dates I have been on have involved cooking together. A man who can cook is so far ahead of the crowd in my book. Who wants to cook a meal after cooking all day. Forget flowers and candy. Cook me a meal with a glass of wine and I am in heaven!! I live in the fast paced, stressed filled Silicon Valley and I think people just don't cook here because of the lifestyle that they lead. Might be why it grabs the attention of others when they hear that someone cooks.

[This message has been edited by Chef Cindy (edited 04-05-2001).]

[JanetB]

It is somewhat true that the way to a man's heart is through is stomach!

I always liked to cook - but didn't really show it off to my fiance until the pounds started coming on my hips from all of the great places we ate out at. After dating for about a year - I started cooking. I don't think that is why he proposed or anything - but he views it as a bonus!!

[Chefmom]

This is so funny because my husband told me that the "defining" moment, when he truely knew that he would marry ME was after I cooked for him. I guess his mother is a so-so cook and he grew up being "forced" to eat her cooking, so it was always just one of those things he wanted in a spouse.

But, that was 10 years ago, and a whole 5 years before I went to Culinary School, and HE gained 30 pounds!!!

He has trouble eating other people's cooking, and he definitely can't eat most other people's baking. Even my kids ask if I made things before they eat them. So they are all hooked!

I figure I have to teach my kids to cook, because they will never be satisfied with anyone else once they are on their own!! http://www.cookinglight.com/bbs/smile.gif

As for not telling someone, your cooking is such a part of you, you mentioned doing this for a living so you know what I mean. Your cooking is from deep in you, like any other art form, but you just work with food instead of paint or metal. Would you be a painter and not show your date your work?? No way, so why hide your cooking!!

Tami