Is "in memory of" ever used to refer to living people?

[gertdog]

MIL and step-FIL have a very nice tradition of planting a tree in honor of each of their children, in each place they live. When their first grandchild was born last year, they planted a tree for him as well. We recently learned through my BIL that MIL also had small plaques made for each of the trees that say "In memory of Stephanie" or whoever the tree is meant to honor. We thought BIL had gotten the wording wrong, but no- when DH called MIL to tell her we are expecting, she told him she was excited to plant a new tree "in memory of the baby." DH said "I think that's only for people who have died." MIL got all upset and said it's not, it's for anyone you love or admire. DH dropped the subject, but then we got a really nice note in the mail saying how excited she is about the baby, and how she thinks we should start our own tree-planting tradition at our house- she would like to pay for a tree that we select, and have a memorial plaque made for it. The idea of having something that reads "In memory of..." my child, who I hope with all my heart will be born healthy this fall, freaks me out a little even though I know they are just words.

I'm just curious to know if anyone has ever heard the phrase used that way? I always thought you would say "in honor of" for people who were still living and "in memory of" for those who had passed away.

[mom2garret]

I believe that "in memory of" is used when the person has passed. If it is for someone living then I think the most appropriate wording would be "in honor of". Hope this helps.
Jodi

[Jessica]

I agree, Stephanie. "In memory of" is for dead people. Can you suggest that she change it to "in honor of?"

[LaraW]

I agree that it should read "in honor of".

My MIL does the same thing, except it is with books and that she is helping to fund the "Natalie W. Memorial Library". When DH or I say "Natalie is alive, a memorial is for someone who is dead" she quiets down until the next time she gives Natalie a book for the Memorial Library :rolleyes:

[ChristyMarie]

That would give me the shivers. I agree, "in honor of" is how they should be worded.

[MrsReber]

Okay, Stephanie, how did I miss this news? I didn't know you were pregnant! Congratulations! :D I'm very happy for you and pray that everything goes well.

And I agree with those other posts!

[Lillith]

Is "in memory of" ever used to refer to living people?

Only to those who you don't like;)

[Jessica]

Originally posted by Lillith
Is "in memory of" ever used to refer to living people?

Only to those who you don't like;)

Bwa!

I agree it would give me the creeps to have someone do something in memory of me or another living person.

[gertdog]

Originally posted by Lillith

Only to those who you don't like;)

Well, I'd be concerned about MIL's feelings about me, but I'm pretty sure she's quite fond of DH, so the fact that he also has an "in memory of" tree of his own tells me that MIL is just confused, not trying to send me any signals. ;)

Thanks Susan! I snuck onto the pg thread a few weeks ago. :)

[Lillith]

Originally posted by gertdog


Well, I'd be concerned about MIL's feelings about me, but I'm pretty sure she's quite fond of DH, so the fact that he also has an "in memory of" tree of his own tells me that MIL is just confused, not trying to send me any signals. ;)

Eeek! By no means was I referring to your or DH's family! I was just trying to answer w/a bit of humor, nothing more.

[gertdog]

Originally posted by Lillith

Eeek! By no means was I referring to your or DH's family! I was just trying to answer w/a bit of humor, nothing more.

No worries, I know you were making a general comment!

It is funny to me that knowing there is a memorial plaque out there with MY name on it doesn't bother me at all, but the idea of one for my baby bothers me a LOT.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks that "in memory of" is incorrect- I guess we have quite a few months yet before we have to deal with it (I assume MIL wouldn't order a plaque until she knows the baby's name). I just don't want to forget about it and then be confronted in October with a memorial plaque! The tree-planting really is a nice idea.

[mst]

It would weird me out too. It should be "in honor of".

[Laura B]

This is cracking me up for some reason. Yes, I agree that it should read in honor of. In memory of is definitely for the dearly departed.

The Natalie W. Memorial Library is hysterical!

[mst]

My DH just called because he was making a donation, and remembered this discussion.

Maybe your in-laws have confused "commemorate" with "in memory of". Seriously, they do sound rather similar...

[mbrogier]

"In memory" is for dead people. Not that you'll ever convince your MIL of that. People that know her will understand, trust me. I have one of those, too. ;) :D

The Natalie W. memorial library is funny. Perhaps if you sent MIL a book about presidential libraries she might notice that only the DEAD presidents' libraries say "memorial"... :o :p

[LaraW]

Originally posted by mbrogier
The Natalie W. memorial library is funny. Perhaps if you sent MIL a book about presidential libraries she might notice that only the DEAD presidents' libraries say "memorial"... :o :p

Oh, I doubt she would notice a subtelty like that. For now, we just use it as one of the many topics we make fun of her over :o :p

[mbrogier]

Originally posted by LaraW


Oh, I doubt she would notice a subtelty like that. For now, we just use it as one of the many topics we make fun of her over :o :p

snort :D

Ok, I KNOW we don't have the same MIL!

My husband and I make bets on how long it will take her to bring up certain topics, etc. Then we just give each other little looks. It really keeps our blood pressures down. :p

[makarios]

From Webster.com:

One entry found for in memoriam.
Main Entry: in me·mo·ri·am
Pronunciation: "in-m&-'mOr-E-&m, -'mor-
Function: preposition
Etymology: Latin
: in memory of -- used especially in epitaphs


Main Entry: ep·i·taph
Pronunciation: 'e-p&-"taf
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English epitaphe, from Middle French & Medieval Latin; Middle French, from Medieval Latin epitaphium, from Latin, funeral oration, from Greek epitaphion, from epi- + taphos tomb, funeral
1 : an inscription on or at a tomb or a grave in memory of the one buried there
2 : a brief statement commemorating or epitomizing a deceased person or something past
- ep·i·taph·ial /"e-p&-'ta-fE-&l/ adjective
- ep·i·taph·ic /-'ta-fik/ adjective

[LaraW]

Originally posted by mbrogier
Then we just give each other little looks. It really keeps our blood pressures down. :p

LOL, we can't do that since it would result in one of us bursting out laughing, which would then get the other one laughing, and you can't really explain to the other people at the dinner table that you are laughing at THEM! :eek:

[Lillith]

Just curious why it's always the MIL on the husband's side that gets the digs?