Has Anyone Ever Been or Can Tell me About Big Sisters?

[Wendy w]

As some of you know, I am in my 40's, have never been married and don't have any kids. Even though I don't have any, I am pretty good with them and would like to volunteer some time. I have just sent an inquiry to Big Brothers/Sisters about their programs. I had been pondering this for quite a while, had a good conversation with a coworker and feel that I would be a good candidate for this.

Have any of you ever been one or know of anyone and could share your experiences? I realize that there will probably be a lot of background checks, etc. because I would be trusted with a child. Any feedback will be welcome.

Thanks! :)

[Chefzhat]

I did it a bunch of years ago, and I also was a pregnant/parenting teen mentor for several years. I was not background checked - but I'm sure they require it now.

I enjoyed it. I spent time every week with my little sis. We did things together, went to parks, played games, she went to some family activities with me.

Good for you!

[donleyk]

More kudos Wendy! It's wonderful you want to share your time a child that could really benefit from it.

[Beth]

I was a Big Sister while in law school. I only had one little sister, and what she really wanted from me was to take her to the mall to go shopping or to hang out with her friends, go places and spend a lot of money on her. It didn't work out for us, and after that, I decided not to try again. I felt a bit crunched on time as it was and was turned off by that girl. I think it's a great program though, and I do support them through fundraising efforts and such. I would definitely enourage you to check it out.

[mst]

Two of my friends have done it, and have had a great experience. It is a very, very big time commitment though.

[MelissaC]

My best friend is the program director for Big Brothers Big Sisters in our city and although I haven't had a "little " myself, I have volunteered quite a bit for this program. It has been a very positive and rewarding experience for me and my family. I didn't think the time commitment was too bad. It's two visits per month but the visits can be as long as you feel comfortable with and can involve outings or even just spending time with a child at home - helping them with their homework, baking cookies etc. I have met many matches that have had fantastic experiences for the child and the adult involved. A background check is required before you are matched.

[tigermorris]

Does anyone have more specific info as to who to contact?
Is Big Sisters listed in the phone book?

[jjsooner73]

I was a big when I lived in Florida, and a again here last year.
I had basically good experiences. It varies by program what the min. time requirements are. It was a lot less her vs. in FL. It is a wonderful program. You just have to be prepared for also dealing with family issues that at times can be difficult.
My little here was 9. Her mom was 29. There was also a 10 yo brother and a 15 yo sister who had a 2 yo child. Yes, the 29 yo mom was a grandmother. There was a lot of family discord (yeah, that's why this girl needed a big). Mom couldn't handle her and had her committed to mental hospital for 2 months. We never really bonded and after the year was up, we discontinued.
My match in FL was much better. We were a better match for each other just personality wise. I lost my job and had to move, so it didn't last the entire year. The mother was beginning to try and 'take advantage' of me though--i.e. free babysitting. It's easy to get taken into that. Still, I wouldn't trade the relationship and time spent together for nothing--I'm sad that we lost touch after I moved.

A friend also was a big in FL. She has since moved away, but goes back to see her little. Another friend of ours is actually the big for this girl and her sister. Their home life is awful, so the big and former big are always buying clothes for them and helping them out--school supplies, food, tutoring, etc. She even had them as flower girls in her wedding! This match has gone on for 7 years now and I know both the current big and former big have made a huge difference in the girls' lives, and the reverse is true as well. Again, it's hard for them to see the conditions the girls live in (mom doesn't/won't work, is extremely obese and on welfare, their house was always disustingly dirty, the girls do w/o a lot but have cable TV and internet access for the mom to play games on, they are currently living with family that includes someone recently out of prison for who knows what). So...be prepared for what you might face in the family situation. It's extremely hard to not get too wrapped up in things.

disclaimer: I'm not implying that all parents of littles are this way. You see all kinds, and these are just my experiences or those of friends.

Wendy, I've done other volunteer work with youth. PM me if you want more information or more ideas if you are not completely set on being a Big. I have lots of ideas. :)

[KristiB]

I had a positive experience with it.

A friend of mine did it and got into the trap of the mom using her as a baby sitter and the girl just wanting her to spend money on her and feed her. She ended up feeling used but admitted she got herself into that trap by buying the girl anything she wanted.

So when I met with the family we agreed we'd meet one day a week or so and we agreed if we were going to do something the mother would contribute and I would match. If the mother couldn't contribute that week we'd get creative and do something that cost nothing like go rollerblading in the park. Sometimes I treated her to a few things but for the most part if we went somewhere I showed her how to budget her money, tip at a restaurant etc. BBBS also gets special deals to go to places and gives you a ideas of free things to do. One of the suggestions was to go pet animals at the rescue league. I wouldn't suggest that as I ended up bringing home a kitten :D

We went to a lot of museums, botanical center, rented a tandem bike, boating etc

Her single mom was blind and couldn't do a lot of things with her. Sometimes she'd just come over and hang out while I did my regular chores. I taught her to cook, grocery shop, wash a car, do yardwork etc then I'd take her out for ice cream or to a movie.

It's what you make of it and I believe they screen the families too.

[jjsooner73]

Originally posted by tigermorris
Does anyone have more specific info as to who to contact?
Is Big Sisters listed in the phone book?

You can find a local chapter here:
http://www.bbbsa.org/

You may even be able to submit an electronic application.

I forgot to say--they do a background check and a home visit here, as well as thoroughly check your references. They generally try and match you with someone you have common interests with. They didn't do a good job of this with my most recent match, but I'm sure it's difficult to always do.

[tigermorris]

jjsooner73- Thanks!

[Wendy w]

Thanks for the input everyone! I knew that I would get some good and varied feedback. I got an acknowledgement email from them so I'll let you know what happens. I kind of figured that they would do a background check, and I am sure that

It did cross my mind that family issues (some dysfunctional) could come into place, and that there would be parents wanting babysitters and kids wanting only to be taken to the mall, etc., but my local chapter mentions 2-4 minimum hours per month and they even have monthly gatherings. I also am big on boundaries - muesuems, the zoo, aquarium, baking and cooking.

I'll let you all know what happens and if it isn't for me, I will definitely be in touch with Jennifer for more ideas.

[ashleenicole]

I was also a big sister for a year to the most precious little girl. But, like others here said, I discontinued after the girl's mother began to take advantage of me for babysitting, would call at late hours (often using profanity) and the final straw was my feeling uncomfortable entering into their housing complex after a murder(yes, murder) occured just 50 feet or so on the lawn from their housing unit.

With that said, our Big program here also offered a great program which allows you to mentor within the school classroom. Just an hour or more a week and it alleviates the personal relationship with the parent.

It's a wonderful program, I hope it works out for you!

[Escher]

They have a tendency to waggle their acrylic nails while bobbing their head and say things like "that cost fourty cent"?

Commence your tomato throwing....

[Wendy w]

Originally posted by Escher
They have a tendency to waggle their acrylic nails while bobbing their head and say things like "that cost fourty cent"?

Commence your tomato throwing....

Yes Escher, we have a few on the Left Coast, but you have a couple more in your region. :p

I am waiting for tomato season and have better uses than throwing them. ;)

On the other hand, my sister would like to have a tomato launcher to throw at bad drivers. I'm sure that passing at 90 would make them deserving. ;)

[Lucinda]

Wendy,

I'm not sure where you're located, but in the Los Angeles area there is a phenomenal organization called the Fulfillment Fund that works with disadvantaged kids. The core of the program is mentoring, where an adult mentors a student for five years. The time investment is a bit daunting, but I was amazed at how fast the time went by. I mentored a girl from eighth grade until her graduation and then we remained friends for a few years after. The Fulfillment Fund has a great support staff and organizes events for the mentors and students, from college campus tours to picnics to group outings to events. There are also other volunteer opportunities that require much less of a time commitment. Perhaps there is a similar program in your area.

http://www.fulfillment.org/