Need your opinion

[Laura]

My DD is 16 and is a very good student in HS. She has always wanted to study French in college (she is taking French now). I have a dear friend from college who married a French man after college and has lived there since 1987. She has a DD my DD's age. Recently my DD has been asking about going to spend some time with my friend in order to help her French. I have generally put off the topic, because I just didn't think I was ready to have her go away for an extended length of time. This weekend she talked to me about graduating from HS a semester early, and then spending 3-4 months in France next year. She will have more than enough credits so that is not an issue. I told her that she needed to talk to her counselor at school to see how graduating early might affect the admissions process for college. She is a very mature young lady and just a great kid. My girlfriend in France would be more than happy to have her. I guess my best reason to say no right now is that I really don't want her to leave any earlier than she has too, but is that really a reason to say no. If this happens at all, it won't happen for a year, but it has been on my mind simply because DD has asked about it. I am looking for other people's opinions just to help me think this all through.

Laura

[Kristilyn1]

as long as you feel comfortable about your daughter's readiness to go away and your friend's ability to keep an eye on the situation, I think it would be foolish to pass it up!

Since she would be leaving for school just a short time later, I think you would have the opportunity to have her sort of rehears the "away from home" part of it ahead of time so it's one less thing to stress about when she goes to college. Very few kids have such an opportunity--it's a once in a lifetime--well worth it, IMHO.

Kristi

[colleency]

If your daughter is mature enough for it, and you have the means, I think it would be a fantastic experience for her.

[Beth H]

I have generally put off the topic, because I just didn't think I was ready to have her go away for an extended length of time. This weekend she talked to me about graduating from HS a semester early, and then spending 3-4 months in France next year. She will have more than enough credits so that is not an issue. I told her that she needed to talk to her counselor at school to see how graduating early might affect the admissions process for college. She is a very mature young lady and just a great kid. My girlfriend in France would be more than happy to have her.

My advice would be that this is a fantastic opportunity for your DD - I would let her go, especially since she'll be staying with a trusted friend. I doubt it would adversely impact her getting into college - and in fact, it might be seen as a plus! I would just make sure that she would be OK with missing the second half of her senior year and the events that go with it like prom, senior week, etc. I know I would have loved this when I was her age!

[tbb113]

Laura:
I despised my HS and begged my parents to send me to a private school. They refused. I then started to investigate my options. We all knew that you could graduate a semester early, but I didn't want to do that since what would I do for that semester (didn't want to start college early, sure as heck didn't want to work :eek: ) I found out that I could graduate a whole year early. I had to write a letter and so did my parents. I started college at the ripe old age of almost 17 (my birthday is in September). I have NEVER regretted my choice.

I don't think graduating early will affect your daughter's admission process at all and the time in France may actually make her more attractive to certain schools.

Its hard to let them go...but I think the opportunity is great. Would you be more willing to let her spend the summer in France and still graduate with her class?

[cangoss]

I went to France for the first time when I was 16 - it was on an exchange program called Nacel. It was a wonderful experience and truly changed my life. I was there for one month that summer; the next summer I went back and stayed with a different family for six weeks. I would definitely say to let your daughter go if it works out - but be sure she has something to do while she is there - like seeing if she can go to school. My second summer there, I was with a family who did not have kids my age and I was bored silly during the day. I was staying in a chateau hotel with a chef and his wife - evenings were fun because I would hang out in the kitchen and observe and occasionally do little jobs for the cooks (like getting stuff out of the cellar). During the day though there wasn't much to do - we were in Normandie in a very small town. My dad suggested I count cows for entertainment :rolleyes: I would not recommend being an au pair though - I tried that one too and it was a disaster - the only job I've ever been fired from in my life.

Your daughter will probably have completed her college applications already when she goes, but a bonus of my trips was that I had great material for writing college essays.

[Laura]

Thank you for your responses. Costs would not be that much other than airfare and what my friend would let me give her to have Paige stay there. I do see how colleges might find attactive a young woman who says she wants to study different cultures and languages and puts actions to her dreams. I am concerned about her not having anything to do over there though. I guess I could see if she could enroll in some type of school. My friend has her own company and talked about letting her come to the office and "work." Not really work as in get paid, but be more of an intern. I would have to look into all the visa issues. Nobody wants to tell me this is a bad idea? ;)

[AndreaU]

As for early graduation affecting college admissions, it shouldn't. I've worked in college admissions and, if anything, it shows ambition- especially so she can pursue something as exciting (and college major related) as living in France for a few months!

I had a friend in high school who spent about 4-5 months in Belgium with her aunt and uncle so she could be immersed in French and it was, to her, the best thing she could have done. I was so jealous and wished (still do!) that I could have had such a tremendous opportunity. Besides, while she's there, you can take a trip and visit her!

[funniegrrl]

I spent the summer between junior and senior year more than 500 miles from home, participating in a college-level archaeological school. Other than having professors, etc. around I was not "chaperoned." I was shocked my parents let me do it, but I was definitely mature enough to handle it and it was one of the defining periods of my life.

I say there's no reason for her NOT to go!

[Kahlico]

Can I be your daughter and go instead?

Seriously, I have to agree. Now is the time for her to go because she may not have another opportunity and as others pointed out, she'll be in a safe environment and she'll learn so much culture.

But really, can I be your daughter and go?

:)
Emilie

[stefania4]

The six months I spent in West Africa made more difference in my life than any experience I can name. I think the opportunity to spend a few months in France would be an incredible experience for her. You may want to see what types of volunteer opportunities would be available to her with some of the international aid organizations (e.g. Red Cross, Doctors Without Borders, Habitat for Humanity, etc.). There may also be tutoring opportunities for people who want to learn English, or want their children to be able to speak the language.

[Meganator]

I am concerned about her not having anything to do over there though.

Ok, if that's your best argument, she's as good as there! :p

[Gecko]

This really would be a wonderful opportunity for your daughter. It sounds as though she is a responsible young woman, she would be staying with a trusted friend, and it would look good on her application. If she does want to continue to study French there is no better way than to be completely immersed in the language and culture. As a mom of a 14 year old daughter I know how hard it is to feel that she is ready for this - much harder for you than her. Could you let her go and then visit her half-way through her stay? Imagine how great she would feel if she could show you around her temporary home city? Good luck with your decision.

[Kathy B]

What about letting her go for the summer before her senior year? If your hesitating because she would essentially be leaving home several months before she would normally leave for college, a summer trip might work out for both of you. And it's early enough to plan it if you get started right away.

Among other things, she wouldn't have to miss her senior year of high school, and she would be around for any college prep stuff that needed to be done. She would still be able to go for around 3 months. Your friend's daughter might be more free to spend time with her, too.

I don't blame you for not wanting her to fly out of the nest too quickly. That would be me, too. :)

[boisewinesnob]

Laura, the only negative thing this might do as far as college admissions goes is that it could show your DD as somewhat "privileged".....and even that is not the case at all colleges. In fact, some of them welcome privilege, as we all know ;) (and which they usually try to deny). So it may depend on which colleges she is looking at.

Other than that I think it would be a great experience for her, plus you'd get to visit ;)

[Laura]

What about letting her go for the summer before her senior year? If your hesitating because she would essentially be leaving home several months before she would normally leave for college, a summer trip might work out for both of you. And it's early enough to plan it if you get started right away.



We talked about this, but because of when her school starts and gets out, she would only have about 2 months there, and if she is going to do it, 3-4 months sounded like a better time. The same thing about the summer after her senior year. Plus, she wants to spend that summer at home before she and all her friends go off to college.

She came home and her counselor gave her the big thumbs up. I need to talk to my friend and make sure that she has talked to her husband about this, and look into her possibly going to school there while she is there.

I know it is a great opportunity, and if it all falls into place, it will probably happen. It just seems like yesterday though that she would fit on my lap. ;)

[Laura]

Laura, the only negative thing this might do as far as college admissions goes is that it could show your DD as somewhat "privileged".....and even that is not the case at all colleges. In fact, some of them welcome privilege, as we all know ;) (and which they usually try to deny). So it may depend on which colleges she is looking at.

Other than that I think it would be a great experience for her, plus you'd get to visit ;)

All the they need to do is look at my net worth to know that is not the case! :D

[Canice]

I don't see any reason for her not to pursue it :) . My parents punted my brother across the pond for the summer when he was 12 and he had a ball, ended up going back to London for culinary school. Which, of course, made it impossible for them to say no to ME when I wanted to spend a summer overseas when I was in high school :D .

I don't know how big a community your friend lives in, but your DD should definitely consider taking language classes while she's there. I studied Italian in my high school and at UC extension and other places, but it was sooo different when I enrolled at a university actually in Italy. There were gajillions of different types of school/intensity of program and cost.

[sharon kopenski]

Maybe your daughter could do some type of volunteer work while there. It would be a great way to converse in a non threatening enviroment. We really can't hold our children tight to us. It backfires and they resent our apron strings. You have a great daughter who has demonstrated her matureity. Celebrate it, and be proud of her and also yourself for being such a great Mom.

[colleency]

It seems like maybe you want her to stay home to keep her near you. I don't have kids, but I wouldn't recommend saying no for that reason. My parents discouraged me from trying for an exchange year or semester, and while they told me I should go to college, they didn't encourage it or stress its importance. I *really* regret this as an adult. While I don't blame my parents, I still think about it, if that makes sense.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that her leaving the nest early will be painful now, but in the future it might be a positive thing for your relationship with your daughter.

[oceanjasper]

I definitely encourage you to allow your daughter to spend 3-4 months in France. That amount of time will be perfect for her to be immersed in the language. When I was 16 (between grades 11 and 12), I went on exchange for one year. Even though I missed graduating with all of my friends (and had to do an extra year of school), it was an amazing experience and wouldn't trade it for anything.

[Cookin4Love]

Boy, it's hard to contemplate our babies leaving, isn't it? I think it's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. In fact, I was just recently reading an article (I don't remember where) that the Ivy-league universities are actually encouraging incoming students to take a year off and travel or otherwise experience life. From that perspective, I think it would be a benefit to her. If you trust the friend and feel that she's ready, I'd let her go. You can always cry to us!

[mbrogier]

I took tons of French classes in high school and college, but it isn't the same experience as learning by immersion. Whatever field your daughter decides upon will benefit from her being bilingual. I would have loved to have gone to France to study, but I didn't get the chance. I have been to France, and I love it so much that I would actually live there. I think that the experience will help her prepare for college by showing her new cultures and viewpoints. That maturity will help a lot in college even if the experience itself doesn't help on her transcripts.

I had a friend that spend 5 months in Provence, and she still talks about it being the time of her life. She's 30 now.

[olchik]

If you think that your daughter is mature enough, you should let her do that. She will learn French excellently and get so much experience, living for some time abroad. My older sister left home when she was 15 and lived in another country for a year. It was a very good experience for her, but she was very mature for her age.

[honeygirl1971]

Unsurprisingly, I also think you should let her do this. You learn the language SO much better by being in the country than you do in school, and like the others said, this will be a great experience for her being away from home but still in a "controlled" environment. I do not think it would hurt her college admissions process, especially not if she explains that she wanted to graduate early to go abroad and learn about other cultures. You might want to talk to your friend a bit about drinking since it is different in France (I think the drinking age is 16 or something like that) than it is in the US if that matters to you (like, would you be okay with her drinking wine at dinner?), but since American teens/college students drink to excess much more than French ones do, I wouldn't worry about the French kids being a bad influence or anything like that. There are all different sorts of classes she could take while she's here (depending on the city she's in--where does your friend live?) including art classes, sports like tennis, etc., which might help fill up her time.

My first trip to France was when I was 16, with a summer tour and exchange program for American students studying French, then I spent a year here in college, then I came back a few times as a tourist, and now I live here! It's a great country!

Would you be able to come over and visit her while she is here? That might be really fun for you, and it might make the separation easier...

[honeygirl1971]

Oh yeah, one more thing, I do NOT think she would be able to work while she is here (not legally, anyway), but an unpaid internship might be possible.

[tippy7]

I agree with all of the other posters--your daughter sounds like a responsible and mature young woman, and this is a fantastic opportunity.

I wonder if you could get her enrolled in high school classes there? Last year, after my cousin graduated from high school here, she deferred attending college for a year to attend high school in France. She went through some type of exchange program. I'm not sure of the specifics, but perhaps its something you could look into.

A nice thing about the way my cousin did it is that she didn't miss out on any of the fun of the end of her senior year--prom, graduation ceremony, etc. I'm not sure if that would matter to your daughter or not.

[Laura]

Thank you for all of your opinions. We are going to look into it. A lot of it depends on whether my entire girlfriend's family is on board and what Paige will be doing when she is there. She will be back in time to go through graduation with her class (and maybe back in time for prom although she says that is not really a consideration). It is a year off, but it does affect what classes she will sign for in the fall semster of next year. Anyway, thanks again for helping me think through the process.

[Beth]

Have you looked into an exchange program or a semester abroad. Perhaps one of the university semester abroad programs would let her enroll as a senior taking college courses so that she could have both the experience and a couple of credits when she returns. It might not be the usual situation, but I'd tend to think you could work something out.

Not making a push to spens a semester abroad is one of my regrets. I'd send her. I know it's not easy -- I had an 11 year old in DC this summer. ;)

[olchik]

I hope that you'll take the right decision at last! Anyway, best wishes to you and your daughter! :)