What is the appropriate response? (Vent warning) [Archive]

Cookin4Love

12-12-2005, 01:07 AM

DH and I went to a concert tonight. We had fabulous seats--2nd row, center stage. The two seats beside me were empty when the concert started. About 10 minutes later, a very large (at least 350 lb.) woman and her child came and took the seats. No problem--except she didn't fit on her seat. In fact, she literally was on at least 3" of my seat. At one point, she stood up, and when she sat back down, she was actually sitting on the outside of my thigh. At times when we were both standing, she kept touching my backside--not in a perverted way; she was just so large that she was taking up more space than that which was allotted to her.

In short, it made the entire concert miserable for me. I had paid prime $$$ to get great seats for something I knew DH would love, and I spent the entire time crunched into only part of my seat. Plus, I hate being touched by strangers, and had full contact from hip to knee for 3 1/2 hours. Because of some back issues, I also need to change position frequently, and was literally unable to do so. I couldn't cross my legs, shift to the left or right, etc.

I don't THINK I'm just being miserably prejudiced against someone who is severely overweight; I just wanted to enjoy the concert. So, what is the appropriate response in that situation? Surely she knew she was all over me--she had to feel it, too. I didn't say anything and tried to just maintain a neutral posture/body language--mostly because I didn't want lessen DH's enjoyment of the concert by letting him know I was upset.

Should I have said something? Would there have been a point? I hope I'm never in that situation again, but chances are, I will be. I don't like to force confrontations, but at the same time, I hate to be miserable through no fault of my own. Thoughts? Ideas?

newtricks

12-12-2005, 05:37 AM

Like you, I don't like to have my personal space intruded on at all. And I can see how you would have been disturbed. But I'm assuming she couldn't move away from you at all or you would have asked her to. So, I think you did the right, not to mention compassionate, thing - you tried not to make her uncomfortable and you didn't let on to dh. You pretty much did what your sig line tells you to do! :)

Kristilyn1

12-12-2005, 05:41 AM

The exact same thing happened to me at a concert, and yes, it was miserable! I am always the one who will absolutely say something if needed--but what can you say in a situation like this? Get smaller? Go move somewhere else where you can smoosh someone else? I think you did the right thing. It's one of those situations where there really is no solution, unless venues start charging people who can't fit in one seat, to pay for two. However, this should be covered during the ticket buying process---it certainly can't be addressed at the time people are being seated.

Kristi

ChristineVA

12-12-2005, 05:52 AM

I wouldn't have said anything either. I'm sure the woman is mortified anyway.

I would probably just follow up with a letter to the venue about your experience. I doubt anything will be done, but it should be a consideration of theirs.

Christine

olchik

12-12-2005, 06:19 AM

I understand you very well, but I can't say anything in such situations too. It's not her fault either that she is overwheight. She can't lock herself in the house and not go anywhere because of her weight, right? So there is nothing to do, I hope that you will never be in such a situation again.

mcgeiger

12-12-2005, 06:34 AM

I will probably be shot for saying this--but I think you should have found an usher and let them deal with it. You don't have to be mean about it, just excuse yourself from your husband, go to the back, and politley let an usher know that the person next to you may need to be moved for everyone's enjoyment....if she wasn't there at the beginning of the concert, they may not have been her seats anyway. I think it is the concert hall, airline, etc. responsibility to let people enjoy the seats they paid for whether someone is talking on a cell, kicking seats around them, or overflowing in their seats. And as for not being their fault they are overweight, for MOST people (definitly not all) it is their fault. MOST people who are overweight could lose weight if they worked for it and also, she could have bought two seats for everyone'e benefit.

blazedog

12-12-2005, 07:00 AM

You did the only thing possible -- made the best of it -- Thank God there was a child next to her because she probably overflowed more into that seat.

The suggestion of asking an usher to step in would be wrong and futile. The venue has no legal ability to remove somebody from their seat unless they are violating some law or regulation. I guess you could have asked to move seats to get away from her.

It's also not particularly fun to sit next to large men -- or even some normal sized men - who feel it is their preogative to take up more airspace than that immediately in front of their chair. :D

Beth

12-12-2005, 07:06 AM

I probably wouldn't have said or done anything either. I have seen people that size squeeze into airplane seats (once next to me). I cannot imagine how uncomfortable THEY must be, and buying 2 seats doesn't really addresss their issues -- like and armrest abd the crack between the seats.

I do wonder if either of you had asked if the handicap spots that are made availabloe for wheelchair access would not be available with a chair (they often have chairs there for someone accompanying the person in the wheelchair).

Since so many tickets are bought by others and/or by telephone or online, there isn't really an appropriate way to address the situation when buying tickets, unless the venue adopted a policy of requiring extremely large people to buy 2 seats -- and that has it's own issues. However, when the tickets are being taken on admission, the usher could suggest a handicap access spot with a chair for that person's comfort and safety during the concert as well as that of other guests (fire????). It could be handled in a sensitive way if the ushers were trained.

Cookin4Love

12-12-2005, 07:14 AM

Well, it sounds like I'm not just a wuss if you all would've just sat there and dealt with it, too. I'm sure the seats were hers, because we were stopped about every 10 feet for someone to see our tickets because of our close proximity to the stage--and those people were there throughout the entire concert. I'm equally sure that if she HAD been asked to move, she would've been furious; our seats were directly in front of center stage in the second row; handicapped access seats were about 10 rows back and off to the far right.

Blazedog, I totally hear you about the men. I am CONSTANTLY telling DH to pull his feet in, as he is violating someone else's seat boundary. He seriously doesn't get it. Luckily, we go everywhere together, so I can keep nagging him about it. :rolleyes: I think one of the funniest things ever is when he has to sit next to another man, and they're both trying to dominate the airspace. :p

tbb113

12-12-2005, 08:13 AM

Cookin4Love

12-12-2005, 08:17 AM

I would have asked her if she and her child could switch seats and explained to her that because of your back you need to be able to easily move around in your seat. If she had been by herself, I would have suffered.

Alternatively, I would have asked my husband to switch seats with me!

I actually considered this. There was a man sitting next to her child (he was not part of their group, though), and I assumed (perhaps incorrectly) that the reason she sat by me was because she didn't want to be up close and personal with a strange man. It would be the same thing if I asked DH to switch with me. Then he would've been miserable, and I didn't want to ruin the concert for him, either. He's been working so many hours, and has been so excited to go to this. Perhaps this was my social equivalent of the mother always swearing she LOVES the chicken necks (anyone old enough to remember when you actually got a whole chicken and not just parts?) so that everyone else could have what they want.

Kathy B

12-12-2005, 08:20 AM

I would have asked her if she and her child could switch seats and explained to her that because of your back you need to be able to easily move around in your seat.

Only problem there is that unless the child was in an aisle seat, you are just giving someone else the same problem you are getting rid of.

I probably would have suffered through it, also, but I don't think it's a bad idea to let the establishment know with a letter as Christine suggested. If no one ever says anything, nothing will ever change.

greysangel

12-12-2005, 08:36 AM

Speaking from experience of once having been 340 pounds, I thank you for not saying anything. Words cannot describe how horrible, upsetting, uncomfortable, demeaning etc of an experience it is to just not fit anywhere...narrow aisles in nyc restaurants, plane and subway seats, movie theater seats (though those have expanded) etc... I know for a fact that this woman was probably more uncomfortable mentally and physically than you. Yes people are to blame when they are too fat to fit into a seat, but people are also to blame for loads of other things that aren't as "scarlet letter" as being overweight.

You can always voice a grievance to the management of the venue and maybe next time see if you can move or just pull up those girlie panties and deal with it :D

generic

12-12-2005, 09:23 AM

Cookin4Love

12-12-2005, 09:28 AM

Cookin4Love, I can thoroughly understand your frustration, as I, too, have back problems and also can't stand being touched by strangers. Unfortunately, what you did was probably the only thing you could have done. Only other option next time is to break the bank and purchase FOUR consecutive seat tickets. That way, you and DH could sit in the center 2 seats and be guaranteed no one could sit next to you. :p
Honestly, if I were super rich, I would do that. I'm an affectionate person, but I want to CHOOSE whose body gets to be close to me.

Funny--that's exactly what I said to DH on the way home! Unfortunately, just taking ourselves is about all we can afford. And DH was sadly disappointed to discover that the reason I was plastered onto him all night was NOT just because he's such a hottie!

greysangel

12-12-2005, 09:49 AM

well you could always buy four and ebay two and in the ebay description state that you will only sell to skinny folks.

Escher

12-12-2005, 09:56 AM

I understand you very well, but I can't say anything in such situations too. It's not her fault either that she is overwheight.

What do you base that on?

Folks who need more than one seat should buy more than one seat.
Once this behemouth tried to sit next to me on the plane, and her blubber was squishing around the armrest. I simply said "excuse me" and I put a clipboard under the armrest to enforce the boundary.
It made her uncomfortable enough to move on her own. Problem solved.

GingerPow

12-12-2005, 10:08 AM

Cookin4love, It was wise of you to not say anything with the woman's child right there. That can be so humiliating to a kid to have something said to their mother.
I just don't know of a diplomatic way of putting what might have been said in that situation, so I too would have opted for just hanging in there. I have come across plenty of people in my travels who would have probably come right out and said something to that lady, but I don't admire them for that ability.

When my oldest DD (almost 21 now) was around 4-5 years old, a lady I knew, who was quite heavy, visited my home one day.
She excused herself at one point to use the powder room, and as she walked away my DD exclaimed, "Mommy that lady is FAT!!" (There was no way that the woman didn't hear her.)
I told my daughter that it isn't nice to call people 'fat.' She responded, "Doesn't she KNOW she's fat?!"

As greysangel said from her experience, no one is more aware of their weight than someone dealing with being overweight. You can at least look back on your situation at the concert and don't have to regret hurting someone's feelings. I think you handled it well.

colleency

12-12-2005, 12:08 PM

[QUOTE=greysangeljust pull up those girlie panties and deal with it :D[/QUOTE]

This made me giggle. I'm definitely going to have to remember this.

Lillith

12-12-2005, 12:26 PM

Once this behemouth tried to sit next to me on the plane, and her blubber was squishing around the armrest. I simply said "excuse me" and I put a clipboard under the armrest to enforce the boundary.
It made her uncomfortable enough to move on her own. Problem solved.

The problem was solved only b/c, fortunately, there was another seat available. What if the flight was booked? The trip would've been very uncomfortable, for more than one reason.

Escher

12-12-2005, 12:43 PM

True, she found another seat(s) that she could go to.

However, I was more comfortable because I had full use of my seat.
I was also more comfortable because I didn't have to point out that she was overflowing.

And I bet that because she was compelled to move, in the end she was more comfortable overall.

It was win/win.

Lillith

12-12-2005, 01:13 PM

It was fortunate, as I said, for both of you that there was another seat for her to move to. And I don't think you would've had to point out to her that she was over-flowing....I'm sure she already knew. I wasn't so lucky. On a 5 hour flight from Denver Co. I was seated next to a very large woman who was almost sitting in my lap! The flight was totally booked so complaining to her or a flight attendant would've been for nought. Another reason I'm glad they offer alcoholic beverages!

misskitty100

12-12-2005, 02:09 PM

I haven't read all of the reply's so this may already have been mentioned but it sounds like she may have been a good candidate for "accesible seating". I have been to many concernts/plays/musicals with my Mom who used a wheelchair. Because of the wheelchair, we always sat in a special section of the hall or stadium that had folding chairs for me and a large open space for her wheelchair. Often times, these were prime seats without the prime $$ price tag too.

I doubt this will happen to you again (what are the chances? ;) ) but if so, perhaps a quick conversation with an usher and a suggestion that she be moved would be appropriate.

Sorry this happened to you....

mcgeiger

12-12-2005, 02:38 PM

I just wanted to defend myself a little (it's a little scary that I agree with Escher...)
I don't consider being overweight a scarlet letter, and nor do I treat anyone that way. On the very rare occasion that we can afford a concert, play, etc. I really want to enjoy myself, and have paid for that privilege. I don't believe that anyone should knowingly take that away from anyone else. If someone sat next to you with horrible BO, or showed up drunk, or a crying kid, or lit up a cigarette (or something else) would you take it just to be polite? This woman (as we've said) probably knows she is bigger than average and could have arranged for the assisted seating, or even an aisle seat, or booked herself an extra seat (yeah, it is an extra expense, but why should the 95% of people that fit in them buy extra seats so they can have the space they've paid for?) Maybe she hasn't thought of these options, and would like to use them in the future...?
I don't like being rude, and would do my best not to be, but isn't taking up more than your fair share, whether by girth, smell, behavior, or belongings (the one on the bus that takes up a whole row and makes people stand so they don't have to hold their purse :mad: ) not rude as well?
Anyway, IMHO I don't think what you did was wrong, actually I think it was very nice of you, but I do think you deserved to enjoy the night with your DH.

DeeK

12-12-2005, 02:39 PM

[QUOTE=misskitty100]
I doubt this will happen to you again (what are the chances? ;)

Pretty high actually ....... 3 out of the past 4 concerts we attended we were squished in our seats by heavier than average seatmates. I wouldn't involve the person about it since, at the present, time they probably are not going to be able to change the situation. I consider it similar to having a tall person placed in the seat in front of me. Unfortunately, the heavy person can't get any skinnier than the tall person will get short during the concert. Like someone said, you just have to pull up your big girl panties and deal with it. ;)

IF there was an acceptable empty seat that "I" would be willing to move into I might involve an usher to ask if a change was possible. But if not .....the big girl panty rule applies.

Mostly I blame the concert/event venues .....The TDWaterhouse Center has scaled down seats twice in renovations to seat more people, despite the truth that people in general are getting heavier/larger (it's not always weight ...sometimes the problem is long legs, arms, etc...)

Floor seating at The Waterhouse, UCF Arena, Lakeland Ctr. etc...are small, plastic folding chairs smashed side/side and hooked so as not to be "scooted". These chairs are not big enough for a skinny teenager to sit in without hanging over. A normal adult is going to be squashed. A larger adult is going to be truly uncomfortable.

Change will only come when enough people complain to the management of these venues and "rule with their dollar" and not go to events until changes are implemented. I truly doubt this will happen. I know for myself ... if certain entertainers appear in Orlando ...I go - squashed or not.

JMNSHO - :p

HejazSunKat

12-12-2005, 07:34 PM

I consider it similar to having a tall person placed in the seat in front of me. Unfortunately, the heavy person can't get any skinnier than the tall person will get short during the concert. Like someone said, you just have to pull up your big girl panties and deal with it. ;)

I don't think it's quite the same - the tall person isn't invading your personal space, isn't touching you, their head is simply in your line of vision. I would find it very uncomfortable and distracting to have someone I do not know touching me for an hour and a half to 2 hours. That intimacy would not be ok with me whether it was a skinny person or a heavy one. Would it be different if the person sitting next to you (whether it was a heavy or skinny one) fell asleep during the show and their head fell on your shoulder? Would you just sit there while they napped because you'd be afraid they would be made uncomfortable if you pushed them back into an upright position? :D I simply cannot get by the fact that the heavier than average individual knows quite well the ramifications of their size when they are in a public place that's designed for smaller people. Why doesn't it bother the heavy person to sit there for a couple of hours touching strangers? Why would they think it's socially acceptable for them do so? A considerate person would make arrangements ahead of time with the venue to sit in a particular spot, whether that's handicapped seating or whatever, so that they would be comfortable and so would their fellow theatre goers. I see it as a special need. It is a ramification of a condition. I'm hearing impaired but I wear a hearing aid so that the rest of the world doesn't have to shout at me at the top of their lungs and repeat themselves 10 times to make themselves understood to me. I think that's an undue burden to place on people simply because I am the way I am. Because of my condition I have to pay a premium for my tickets because I need to sit down front. Sometimes I don't go places at all because I know it's a situation where I would not be able to hear well enough. Maybe you'll have to pay a premium for your ticket if you're bigger than average so that you can sit in a place that has enough room to accomodate you. To simply have the attitude that you will go through life making others uncomfortable and they're just going to have to suck it up because you are the way you are is not an acceptable response.

DeeK

12-12-2005, 08:15 PM

<<the tall person isn't invading your personal space, isn't touching you,>>

Point taken. :) I didn't look at it that way before, but you are right. As a matter of fact, all of your post was well written.

What I find really surprising at most of the venues I attend ...the premium seats ($$$ on the floor, center-stage) are usually MUCH smaller or closer together than the seats in the lower bowl.

oceanjasper

12-12-2005, 08:30 PM

On a flight from Rome to Toronto, I had a window seat right beside a very large Italian Grandma in the aisle seat. She had to wear two seatbelts and the armrest couldn't stay down. When it came time to eat, it was clearly impossible for her to put her tray down. I offered to share my tray, which she was happy to do. Luckily, she got up frequently to stand or walk around, so I was able to sneak out and use the washroom. I was afraid of being trapped in my seat, as there was literally no way for me to get out with her sitting there. :o

JulieM

12-12-2005, 10:29 PM

This is an interesting thread and a lot of good points have been made. I think I would have spoken with management and asked to be moved to equally good seat if they were available, and if not I would have requested tickets for another night. If that wasn't possible, then I'd ask them to ask the woman to move to the handicapped area. It is sad, but she realizes her condition and she must realize at least to some degree how uncomfortable she made you feel. She didn't become obese overnight. She could have requested an aisle seat with the plan of putting the little one next to her and not bothering anyone. And if that meant sitting in an area that was less desirable so be it.

We went to see MacBeth with Mel Gibson years ago and had perfect seats. Of course the dialogue is a bit difficult to understand. It was good neighbor hour so the theater was not very full. The movie started and the guy behind us began to describe, out loud, every scene to the woman beside him. After many dirty looks and "shhhhhhs" DH finally, angrily, asked the guy, "Is she blind!!!?" To which the guy responded yes. DH, in his typical kind and understanding way said, "Then you should move to another part of the theater!" What is the point of them sitting in the best seats in the middle of where almost every other person in the theater was sitting, rather than being considerate of the others and sitting near the back or very front or far left or right?

While it really was kind of you to be considerate of her feelings, was she being considerate of yours when she bought her tickets? Didn't she put herself in the position of being embarrassed?

blazedog

12-13-2005, 06:38 AM

Lillith

12-13-2005, 07:38 AM

If someone sat next to you with horrible BO, or showed up drunk, or a crying kid, or lit up a cigarette (or something else) would you take it just to be polite?

The person w/the crying child can leave if politely asked, the person smoking can put out the cigarette if politely asked. You can't ask someone to change their size or smell. We went to a Broadway show and the couple behind us talked constantly throughout the first act and wouldn't stop no matter how many times I or DH asked them to. At intermission, I spoke to an usher who I thought would speak to this couple. Instead, she asked if she could give us different seats and they were much better than the ones we had so we happily agreed. Perhaps that's the way to go in certain circumstances - change YOUR seat if the person sitting next to/behind you is dampening your enjoyment of the concert, show, whatever.

JulieM

12-13-2005, 08:24 AM

It appears that many of you feel that someone who is fat should curtail activities since it might adversely impact on those around them.

As a short person, I have been been distracted more by TALL people in front of me most of whom make absolutely no effort to slouch or otherwise help me see -- particularly true at concerts when people STAND and I am then not only without any ability to see but bogged down in a sea of bodies.

Also, if one is significantly overweight, there are complex psychological and physical components which are currently being explored -- for example hormones that don't send appropriate satiation messages to the brain and (the one I read most recently) a hormone which appears to slow down the metabolism significantly after weight loss -- the experiment was done with mice but many of the weight/chemical experiments are done with mice which same to have some of the same biochemical mechanisms controlling weight and appetite.

While it is possible to lose a large amount of weight and maintain that weight loss, statistically it is unlikely based on failure rates and those who manage to do so have to exercise behavior and psychological controls that are completely unlike those of you have struggle with 10 pounds.

I don't think obese people should curtain their activities, I just think they should be mindful of their condition and considerate of others in these circumstances. And I totally agree with you. I have struggled with my weight my entire adult life, and I have a sister who is well over 300 pounds and has been obese all of her adult life. I believe there is something the medical world doesn't yet understand about obesity. There must be something that happens in the body as a result of excess fat or calories that stimulates a response leading to this condition.

Lillith

12-13-2005, 08:55 AM

As a short person, I have been been distracted more by TALL people in front of me most of whom make absolutely no effort to slouch or otherwise help me see --

I, too, am short and have been comfortably seated in a theatre when a tall person comes in and sits in front of me. In this situation, I've switched seats w/DH, sat on my folded up coat or jacket, or if there were other seats available, DH & I moved. I think it's unreasonable to expect anyone to slouch and be uncomfortable b/c I can't see behind them. To totally alleviate this problem, I now try to go only to theatres who have stadium seating.

boisewinesnob

12-13-2005, 09:30 AM

If someone sat next to you with horrible BO, or showed up drunk, or a crying kid, or lit up a cigarette (or something else) would you take it just to be polite?

Not getting into the obesity debate here, but I did have an experience with one of these others.

When the Return of the King came out we went to see it a few days after it opened and the show was, of course, sold out. There was a guy in our row who I swear hadn't bathed in a month :eek: . He was probably 5 seats down from me and I could smell him the entire time. There was nowhere to move to, so we suffered through. It was so bad though, had it been any other movie I would've left and asked for my money back or tickets to a later show or something. It was sickening :eek: :eek:

blazedog

12-13-2005, 09:31 AM

I, too, am short and have been comfortably seated in a theatre when a tall person comes in and sits in front of me. In this situation, I've switched seats w/DH, sat on my folded up coat or jacket, or if there were other seats available, DH & I moved. I think it's unreasonable to expect anyone to slouch and be uncomfortable b/c I can't see behind them. To totally alleviate this problem, I now try to go only to theatres who have stadium seating.

I was being somewhat hyperbolic as I didn't expect someone to actually slouch although there are ways of sitting that have less impact on sight lines - none of which most of the tall people in front of me seem to consciously engage in -- at least the fat women I've sat next to seem to do all that is possible to cause the least discomfort to their seatmates.

My point was merely that when you venture into the public arena, you put up with things - someone is tall, fat, has long legs. Shouldn't tall people be asked to sit at the rear rather than block those viewing from behind? - again I don't mean this seriously.

If someone is engaging in conduct that they could immediately change, then it is more than appropriate to ask them to cease immediately or ask for third party assistance if they don't. Someone can't immediately shrink themselves -- if it were possible, someone would be a trillionaire with that formula. :D

And in terms of the original situation, there is really nothing one can do except ask to be moved. You cannot ask that another person change seats.

Beth H

12-13-2005, 09:39 AM

I was being somewhat hyperbolic as I didn't expect someone to actually slouch although there are ways of sitting that have less impact on sight lines - none of which most of the tall people in front of me seem to consciously engage in -- at least the fat women I've sat next to seem to do all that is possible to cause the least discomfort to their seatmates.

Like what? If a tall person moves to accomodate your sight lines, he probably is blocking someone else. DH is 6'7". There isn't a whole lot he can do about that. For his own comfort, he tries to sit in aisle seats where he can shift around more easily (which benefits those behind him, too). But it's not always possible to get an aisle seat. And, it's not as though tall people want to sit in the last row of the theater, either.

blazedog

12-13-2005, 09:47 AM

Like what? If a tall person moves to accomodate your sight lines, he probably is blocking someone else. DH is 6'7". There isn't a whole lot he can do about that. For his own comfort, he tries to sit in aisle seats where he can shift around more easily (which benefits those behind him, too). But it's not always possible to get an aisle seat. And, it's not as though tall people want to sit in the last row of the theater, either.

As stated (please read my previous post) I was using hyperbole to try to make my point -- Tall people can't make themselves short anymore than morbidly obese people can make themselves thin. I was just pointing out the double standard - i.e. that we accept that sitting behind a tall person is a problem and feel that the fat person should go out of their way to avoid causing any potential difficulties.

It's really the same logic except that people feel that a fat person is to blame for their condition while a tall person can't help it. Per my previous post, morbid obesity is not completely within a person's control. So if a fat person should circumscribe their activites to avoid giving offense or discomfort why not a tall person? (again -- please this is hyperbole). :)

And there must be ways of sitting since the last time I sat behind a tall man, I would have to shift every time he moved and sometimes when he sat back, I had a better view of the stage -- should I have asked him to hold that position and/or NOT move. :p

Escher

12-13-2005, 10:21 AM

You cannot ask that another person change seats.

Sure you can. You just can't force them to.

However, you can also take up all your alloted space and make them make the decision to move.

By the way, I am of the opinion that theatres as we know them will cease to exist in our children's lifetime. Why deal the the masses of humanity when you can get the same experience in your own home?

rburganmckinley

12-13-2005, 11:15 AM

Why deal the the masses of humanity when you can get the same experience in your own home?

Because humans are a social species... :D

Lillith

12-13-2005, 11:29 AM

By the way, I am of the opinion that theatres as we know them will cease to exist in our children's lifetime. Why deal the the masses of humanity when you can get the same experience in your own home?

I certainly hope that theatres won't cease to exist! As much as DH and I enjoy renting movies to watch in the comfort of our own home, there's something special about watching a movie in a theatre. Unfortunately, it's so costly to go these days that we are very selective in which films we go to the theatre to see. We also try to go to the first showing which is usually the bargain matinee. Of course when going out into a public place, sometimes one does have to deal with the fat/smelly/tall problems discussed on this thread. The earlier shows have fewer people attending, from our experience, and we only go to the stadium seating theatres. That solves a great deal of the problems.

ChristyMarie

12-13-2005, 11:37 AM

By the way, I am of the opinion that theatres as we know them will cease to exist in our children's lifetime. Why deal the the masses of humanity when you can get the same experience in your own home?

I wouldn't be surprised if this did happen. I detest going to a movie theatre. Uncomfortable seats, rude people and I can't pause the movie if I have to go to the bathroom. As home theatre systems become more elaborate it seems to make more sense to watch movies in the privacy of your own home.

For the record, cannot remember the last time I saw a movie in the theatre.

tbb113

12-13-2005, 11:42 AM

By the way, I am of the opinion that theatres as we know them will cease to exist in our children's lifetime. Why deal the the masses of humanity when you can get the same experience in your own home?

For movies, maybe (but I doubt it). And you sure can't experience live theater or a concert from your home.

I HATE watching movies at home. I like the big screen experience and I'm too distracted at home to enjoy the movie.

Grace

12-13-2005, 11:48 AM

I wouldn't bet on them going away. I suppose it's possible, but highly, highly unlikely IMO. Young people and teenagers in particular love to go to the movies. They can get out of the house, be with their friends, go on a date, etc. What 16 year old wants to take their date to their living room and watch a movie with their parents and siblings? Silly. Never happen. It's a good hang out place for lots and lots of younger people.

blazedog

12-13-2005, 12:00 PM

For movies, maybe (but I doubt it). And you sure can't experience live theater or a concert from your home.

I HATE watching movies at home. I like the big screen experience and I'm too distracted at home to enjoy the movie.

Yes nothing like sitting in the dark starting at the big screen. :)

Ironically movie theaters offer the MOST comfortable viewer experience because theater owners know you have to get people to come - stadium seating and some in my area have reserved special seating with extra wide leather lounge chairs. I go to movies luckily in civilized venues and there is almost no inappropriate behavior.

It's the other venues that are more problematic in terms of seating comfort -- legitimate theater is pretty ghastly -- the new Disney Hall has small seats with minimal legroom and any kind of arena seating is ghastly - and of course a DVD at home is no substitute for live theater or dance.

ChristyMarie

12-13-2005, 12:32 PM

I HATE watching movies at home. I like the big screen experience and I'm too distracted at home to enjoy the movie.

Clearly you need a better home theatre system. :p

Our screen is currently at about 6 feet but it does go up to 10. Add in really great surround sound and comfy furniture and you can't lure me away to a movie theatre.

Ah, the benefits of marrying one of those AV tech guys. :D

tbb113

12-13-2005, 12:46 PM

Clearly you need a better home theatre system. :p

Our screen is currently at about 6 feet but it does go up to 10. Add in really great surround sound and comfy furniture and you can't lure me away to a movie theatre.

Ah, the benefits of marrying one of those AV tech guys. :D

My house couldn't fit a better home theater system (nor can my budget)...but even at friends' houses where they have a bigger screen and a great home theater setup I still prefer to go to the movies.

angelamaria

12-13-2005, 12:51 PM

blazedog

12-13-2005, 12:56 PM

OT - i hate going to the movies bc of rude people. there is always someone who insists on talking through the entire movie; and unfortunately ime their companion is NOT blind. they just feel a need to explain in second grade level english what just happened in every scene. The Pianist was the last movie i saw where this occurred. every scene - " wow, he's hiding from the Nazis!"
"wow, he's Jewish!" ugh.
the other worst movie experience i've had is going to see Unforgiven at 10 pm on Friday night and having a couple sit right behind us with their maybe 4 yo kid. who of course proceeded to kick the back of my chair the whole time and freak out during the violent scenes. uh hello? 10 pm Friday night R rated movie? if you can't afford a babysitter rent it once it comes out on video or dvd. ok rant over sorry to hijack.
ps they are downsizing seats in airplanes etc i am 5'8" and don't wear plus sized clothes and i have been on planes where i felt squished in the seat from hip to hip and my knees are always squished unless i have first class.

I have no problem enforcing acceptable BEHAVIOR -- if someone is talking, they get one glare and if they continue - I politely ask them to stop talking - I have never had them persist but if they did I would have the usher intercede.

Same with crying children or other inappropriate behavior -- I have seen parents leave the theater on their own and also with an usher. I've been kicked by adults as well as children or have adults pressing in with their feet periodically -- again if they are persistent, they get the glare and then a polite request to cease behavior.

I realize that I am lucky as I go to movies in venues in which the collective understanding of what is appropriate behavior is enforced by the audience.

And there isn't any home theater I've seen that compares to watching the BIG THEATER screen in the dark with other civilized people who laugh and gasp appropriately. I even enjoy campy horror movies when the audience talks back to the screen. :D

Kristilyn1

12-13-2005, 01:37 PM

As a short person, I have been been distracted more by TALL people in front of me most of whom make absolutely no effort to slouch or otherwise help me see -- .

Why on earth someone would be expected to slouch in their seats is beyond me. I won't go on as I think Linda's post said it best what the differences are between the scenario of being tall and not being contained by your seat.

Kristi

GingerPow

12-13-2005, 01:43 PM

the other worst movie experience i've had is going to see Unforgiven at 10 pm on Friday night and having a couple sit right behind us with their maybe 4 yo kid. who of course proceeded to kick the back of my chair the whole time .

That is beyond a pet peeve - that is a nightmare! Whether it's a theater, an airplane, a classroom - I detest that!

blazedog

12-13-2005, 01:45 PM

Why on earth someone would be expected to slouch in their seats is beyond me. I won't go on as I think Linda's post said it best what the differences are between the scenario of being tall and not being contained by your seat.

Kristi

Kristi -- If you read more carefully you would have seen that I stated this was hyperbole and then explained it again that it was a hyperbole but okay, here goes for a third time. :D

And I have yet to encounter a tall person who turned around and said Wow I must be blocking your view -- would you like to exchange seats. :)

Kristilyn1

12-13-2005, 01:53 PM

Kristi -- If you read more carefully you would have seen that I stated this was hyperbole and then explained it again that it was a hyperbole but okay, here goes for a third time. :D

I DID read more carefully--your argument does not make sense to me, kidding or not. Someone being tall is not at all the same thing as someone actually spilling over into your seat. Unless theaters start boxing in seats, sides and tops, it's a non issue how tall or short you are. But thanks for assuming that the problem MUST be in me understanding your pointless point.

Kristi

blazedog

12-13-2005, 02:22 PM

I DID read more carefully--your argument does not make sense to me, kidding or not. Someone being tall is not at all the same thing as someone actually spilling over into your seat. Unless theaters start boxing in seats, sides and tops, it's a non issue how tall or short you are. But thanks for assuming that the problem MUST be in me understanding your pointless point.

Kristi

The larger picture which is what was being discussed is when people's PHYSICAL characteristics impact adversely on one's perceived enjoyment of a public space. Heavy or tall are both immutable characteristics (at least for the immediate future and with respect to most morbidly obese people, probably for life).

Inadvertently spilling over to another's seat is not something the person has control over any more than a tall person can prevent blocking someone's view. The heavy person probably is going to MORE effort to NOT spill into the next seat (at least in my experience) than the tall person is not to block my view.

Kristilyn1

12-13-2005, 07:07 PM

Not only beating this dead horse, but possibly flogging it.....

You are right. Being tall and being morbidly obese are things that someone can't neccesarily control, but one is actually infringing into your space--a big difference. For example: A man comes into the concert hall with his big, huge oxygen tank. Let's say it and him are noisy and he sets up the oxygen tank in front of him. It may affect your enjoyment of the show, but he is perfectly within his rights. Let's say the same man comes in and sets up the oxygen tank on your lap, he certainly can't do without his oxygen tank but you didn't pay for your seat so you could share it with his tank. That's the problem. Not whether someone can "help" being what they are.

I liked the suggestion that someone made about training ushers. An usher could see someone that will obviously not fit in a seat and say something diplomatic like "as you may have noticed, the seats here are unnaturally small, if you are interested, we have these seats over here". That may be embarrassing for the person, but how much less embarrassing than squeezing into a too small seat and obviously bothering and smooshing onto the person next to them?

Kristi

tamawrite

12-13-2005, 07:43 PM

Because humans are a social species... :D

Ain't no way I'm THAT social. I despise the "theatre experience" and only go out to a movie about once a year -- and only then for something I REALLY REALLY want to see.

My one movie for this year was Goblet of Fire. A couple brought their one-year-old and sat right behind us in a theatre too packed to move. Egad. And DH wonders why I never want to go to a movie. :rolleyes:

With regard to the topic at hand: I'm with Escher -- I have a right to the space I paid for. If you're going to overflow into it, either suck it in, baby, or move.

imloulou

12-14-2005, 10:58 PM