poll: wedding receptions

[hlao23]

I was watching Oprah yesterday and the topic of weddings came up. They said the average wedding now costs appx. $20,000. (!!! - although if they are truly taking the "average" this doesn't frighten me as much).

I'm guessing that a lot of this cost is because of the reception, which got me thinking: What was your wedding reception like? Sit down dinner with waiters? Buffet? Nuts, mints and punch?

Mine was the latter. Everyone at the wedding was invited downstairs to the fellowship hall of the church. This is the most common type of reception at the weddings that I've attended so I'm also wondering: Is this a regional thing?

Angela

[emilycat]

Most of the weddings I've attended have been pretty all-out; I think one of my cousins spent about $50,000 on hers; most of the others were about $30,000, and that was 10 years ago. The first held her reception in a vineyard; it was a sit-down dinner outside. The others were at banquet halls, all with dancing, open bars, free-flowing wine, you get the picture. I'm not sure how keen my parents will be on swinging something like that, since I have 2 sisters, but we'll see http://www.cookinglight.com/bbs/wink.gif

[SueK]

We had about 250 people at our reception, and it was a buffet dinner. Open bar was only for wine and beer; other drinks were a cash bar. I can't remember how much our whole wedding cost, but it definitely wasn't $20K!!

[lbudis]

I just got married in February. Our reception was a buffet dinner, open bar and of course dancing at a country club. When you add up EVERYTHING (dress, reception, photographer and so on) the cost was definitely in the $20,000 range - that was having it "off Season" and trying desparately to keep costs down. We had just over 100 guests with my parents paying for the reception and my husbadn and I picking up the rest. I definitely think that in the tri-state area we tend to go a bit overboard!

[patsyk]

Our reception was held in the hall within my temple. Immediately after the reception, we had a cocktail hour where we could talk to everyone before starting the big party - a harpist played in the background for this as well as for the music at the ceremony. We had a band, sit down dinner with waiters and a full bar. Keep in mind that this was done in the Mid-West so, I think my total wedding cost something around $10-15,000 - since I didn't pay for it, I am not totally sure. We had huge amount of flowers everywhere, videographer and photographer throughout the evening. The band was so good, my FIL asked them to stay another hour into the night since everyone was having a good time!

[This message has been edited by patsyk (edited 06-01-2001).]

[kirkbyky]

Small, small, small!
My husband and I had 60 people inc. us, married late morning, early afternoon brunch w/heavy hors devours (sp http://www.cookinglight.com/bbs/smile.gif)empanadas, mini omelets to order, little tarts with different fillings, fruits salad etc. Beer, wine, ice tea, lemonade, etc. Harp & flute playing background classical/jazz (jazz harp??) Beautiful flowers, bouquets of stargazer lilies and alstromeriea, pew garlands at church, table toppers at reception, blowing bubbles in the sunshine. We had a photographer do individual photos, (pay by picture), so that kept costs down,and had the little cameras on the tables too-which came out suprisingly well!
My parents paid for the reception, my DH & I paid for our rings and my dress-together ~$800. Everything total came just under $5K.
We were married 5 yrs ago this month. You can pay for a blow-out, but we had most of our family and all of our close friends, it was a wedding for us-not for show-and it was worth it.
Kyle

[This message has been edited by kirkbyky (edited 06-01-2001).]

[olive101]

I got married 5 years ago and my wedding cost about $15,000, and my husband and I paid for the very large majority of it. I live in norther Delaware (about 45 min south of Philly) and I think wedding are big in this part of the country. I lived for 2 years in Nashville, TN and there the standard reception was punch and mints at the church. I think it depends on where you live. I went to my friends wedding last year in Baltimore and I think she spent over $50,000 and it was her second wedding!

The reception is the big portion of the expenses. I was married at a mansion and had the ceremony in the gardens and the reception in the house. The ceremony was at noon and we had light appetizers and a sit down dinner/lunch. It was open bar and the price included our cake. 5 years ago the price was $60 a head. I don't think it is unusual to have prices at $100/head these days.

[SQ]

Originally posted by lbudis:
I definitely think that in the tri-state area we tend to go a bit overboard!

I agree with you, Ibudis, 100%. I'm originally from NJ, where weddings and Bar- and Bat-Mitzvahs are overboard compared to New England. I know there are always the exceptions, but receptions do seem to vary regionally.

[valchemist]

I got married last October. We had about 80 guests.

I think Maizey and Dad spent a little over $10,000 on my wedding. That included:

-Dress, accessories, hair/makeup
-Invitaitons, etc.
-Flowers
-Four Piece Band; piano player for cocktail hour
-Cocktail hour with butlered warm h'ors Douerves (sp?)
-Open Bar the whole night
-Sit Down Reception Dinner and Cake

Our wedding took place in Northeastern Connecticut. The ceremony was at a quaint church and the reception was at a at a quiet country inn.

here is a link to the pictures in case you want to see how happy I was that day! (don't worry, mom, I left out the picture of you and me.) There are two pages of pictures here. The best way to view (if you are interested) is to click on the first one and scroll through them by clicking the "next" button.

http://y42.photos.yahoo.com/valchemist

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[This message has been edited by valchemist (edited 06-01-2001).]

[This message has been edited by valchemist (edited 06-01-2001).]

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[valchemist]

sorry about all the editing above. I was having some problems posting the link and I forgot to include a few things.

[LGBurns]

Well, we were married almost exactly a year ago in Chicago. According to my research back then, I believe the average wedding in the "Chicagoland" area was $15,000. We didn't spend nearly that much, and I think our wedding was beautiful. Both the ceremony and the reception were at an old historic country house surrounded by oak trees and meadows. Instead of rice or bird seed, we gave everyone bells to ring. We had a Sunday morning ceremony with a brunch reception following: omelettes, oven roasted potatoes, salad, breads & muffins, coffee, orange juice and only champagne for the toast (no other alcohol, which I'm sure cut down on costs a lot). My sister made our cake (so delicious!). The bouquets were wildflowers and the table ornaments were violets in pots with moss, which guests were encouraged to take home. In the end, our wedding was a little over $6,000--our parents paid for it and our honeymoon. The only thing I regret is I had my dress made by someone from work and it ended up being a complete nightmare. I had my first fitting of the actual dress the day before the wedding! Needless to say, the dress did not fit right. Other than that, I don't feel we cut corners at all and our wedding was the happiest most beautiful day of my life (and I'm the only one who notices the dress issue and it didn't bother me that day, just now thinking back on it).

[crlykat]

We just got married this last September. The ecremony was at a park overlooking the harbor and the reception at a old yacht club on the harbor.
My parents paid for the food at the reception which was included a big buffet, coffee service, and cake. DH and I paid for most other things, including rental of club, flowers, dress etc. His dad paid for an open well bar, which to me wasn't absolutely necessary, but is important in his culture (hungarian). Everyone was so generous.

We got married at a park to cut the costs down but that food was expensive! Guests numbered about 150. I think the total was around 12,000. Scary. But it was the best day ever! I still can't believe what a perfect day it was.

VALchemist-- All I can say is AWWW! You look beautiful. I love the picture titled "Happy" where you are looking up at him. Gave me goosebumps!

[This message has been edited by crlykat (edited 06-01-2001).]

[SQ]

Valchemist: Thanks for sharing. The pictures were beautiful. Your gown and bouquet were lovely.

[valchemist]

thanks SQ and crlykat!

whenever I see your name posted, crlykat, I always think of how gorgeous you were in those wedding pictures you posted on the thread about bb'er's websites.

I remember commenting to Maizeyoats that you look just like a supermodel. Stunning!

[Gina O]

I was married in 1993, my reception was in two parts... immediately following the wedding (the wedding was in a chapel on the University of Missouri campus) in a reception room near the chapel and then at a nearby winery. We prepared cheese, crackers, sausage and other snacks the night before, then served that with the wines from the winery poured by the winery staff. One of my closest friends did a lot of catering, so he made sure everything looked fabulous. Probably spent about $500 for about 60 people. It was a beautiful outdoor setting overlooking the Missouri River valley. Gina

[Jewel]

Man, am I in the minority!! I was married in October of 1999. We live in Seattle, my parents live in central California, and my MIL and the rest of DH's family live in Pittsburgh, PA. His mom talked him into having the wedding in PA so we could be married in the church in Upper St. Clair that he was raised in. (For all you Pittsburghers we were married in Westminster Chapel). It was his first wedding and my second. His mom took care of all the details out there at my requests. We hashed stuff out on the phone then she went and ran the errands. We mailed her checks for flowers and stuff, and she went and paid them. We are VERY practical. My parents paid for their own plane tickets, and DH and I used Frequent Flyer miles for ours! (including Orlando honeymoon!)

Church was free. My BIL's FIL is a professional photographer, and he offered to take our photos for the cost of film and developing ($50). I decided I didn't want an expensive wedding dress. I found my long lace dress at Sears (I love Sears' clothes!) for $80. Hubby bought a brand new double-breasted charcoal-colored business suit for $300, and we bought the shirts and ties for my dad and his best man (so they would match) and mailed them out to them. Bought the invitations at Costco for $100. Our cake was a 3-tiered beauty using fresh flowers that cost $200. Flowers were about $300, complete with bouquets for my Mom (my maid of honor) and myself, as well as red rose buttuonierres for the guys. Reception was held at the now defunct LC Simpsons restaurant's banquet room, and we pre-selected the choices the 40 guests would be able to choose from, and with food and wine the bill came to $800. I bought my headpiece, my garter (Neiman-Marcus), my cake servers (Fostoria Crystal) and my pearl necklace and earrings (faux) on Ebay before we left! We had people commenting to my MIL that it was the most beautiful smaller wedding they'd been to. We concentrated more on family and friends than on the favors! I think my priciest accessory was my cake top, which I ordered from DisneyWorld in Florida. I had the Arribas Brothers Glass Blowers at DisneyWorld ship their 8" tall blown glass Cinderella Castle directly to my MIL for safekeeping, and they nestled that on top of my cake. (Friends have said that Cinderella finally found her Prince Charming, and even our invitations had a medieval castle with the inscription "Dreams Do Come True"). The cake topper was $100 with shipping.

I think our entire wedding topped out at $2300. We registered at Home Depot and got about $1000 worth of Home Depot Gift Cards!! Yipee!! http://www.cookinglight.com/bbs/biggrin.gif

[luv2cook]

The weddings we've been to have been a mix. we went to one that cost about $75,000 several years ago. Gigantic buffet at a country club, open bar, probably 200+ people. They were separated and divorced six months later.

The next one we went to was our own which was very small. I hated our own reception and wished that we had just eloped. Very inexpensive wedding. Paid for the whole thing ourselves. I really didn't want a wedding, but did it more for the family.

Then we went to a very nice wedding with the reception being at a hotel. It was open buffet from what I remember, don't think open bar and we got our car towed. but the brides maids dresses were horrible. Like LGBurns, my girlfriend tried to cut costs by having our dresses made by someone she worked with - what a freakin' nightmare. The dresses weren't lined, didn't fit right, and she had cut too much material off to make it fit right. By the time of the fitting, it was less than a week before the wedding and she couldn't make the dress fit and there was no way I could lose enough weight to fit into it so I had to keep the wraparound skirt on all night while everyone could take theirs off!

The next one I remember was very small but with a fabulous sit down dinner at a nice hotel. Open bar, dancing, etc. Very nice. I'm sure I'm missing a few weddings in here but ask Kathi! She seems to go to one or two every month! http://www.cookinglight.com/bbs/biggrin.gif

[Chefmom]

Well, I think I win the award for the cheapest wedding!!

Total cost was around $250. It was $30 for blood tests, $30 for the marriage certificate, $10 for the Justice of the Peace (local magistrate) and the rest was the cost of simple rings. We took a week off from work and went on a "do and drive" through Eastern Pa, and then came back and were married. We would have been married first except that we couldn't schedule the magistrate until after our week off.

It took less than 15 minutes, it was just us and 10 years later we are happy with 2 kids and looking forward to many more years.

At the time we had $0 for a wedding, neither of us REALLY wanted a wedding, his family had ziltch, and there was no way in ---- that I was going to ask my mother for money so she could have HER OWN wedding with me playing the part. Deep down it did tick people off, but I have never regretted it.

Years later my husband's little sister whined and cried until her parents gave her a big wedding and my husband saw the pain and strain they went through. He later told me he had never been happier that we had just did it ourselves. His sister's marriage didn't even last a year, and ours is still going.

For me, it's not the wedding, it's the marriage that counts.

Tami

[m4star]

My wedding was VERY SMALL. We had 45 guests. The ceremony was outside in a Japanese pagoda at a local botanical garden (we live in Austin, TX). Since it was late September the weather was perfect and we didn't even need to decorate the area since everything was fragrant and in bloom. It cost something like $45 to rent the park out for 2 hours. Our friend performed the service for free.

Then we had our reception at a great old historic hotel (the Driskill for all you Texans). Since it was so small, we didn't need to rent out the biggest banquet room and got a really unique room called the Crystal Room right off the grand staircase.

We cut corners like mad. I made our invitations by hand (dried pressed wildflowers, homemade paper, calligraphy). We asked a friend of ours to take the photos (he's a professional photographer so it was his present to us). We even burned our own long paying CD's and skipped using a DJ or band. I bought my dress right off the rack! It was a simple a-line white linen gown and my DH bought me a beautiful vintage silk veil as a present. We got our flower arrangements done up at this local health food store for really cheap (less than $200) since my Dad offered to pick them up and take them to the hotel the morning of the wedding.

The only area we did not skimp on was the food and drink (of course!) We had an open bar and full buffet-style dinner. It included a carving station, fresh pasta made to order, and loads of champagne. The cake was really small (it only needed to feed 45) and delicious. I never tasted any of the food (as is standard these days when you are running around like crazy) but everyone says it was amazing.

I think the grand total for the wedding (including dress, invitations, reception, rehearsal dinner, etc...) was $5000. My folks paid for the reception and my in-laws paid for the rehearsal dinner (friday night BBQ celebration at the Salt Lick under the full moon). DH and I paid for the rest. We honeymooned in New Orleans and just spent all the cash we got as wedding gifts. I think our hotel was the only extra expense for the week. We were really pleased with the way we chose to begin our lives together. It was small, simple, and beautiful.

[Laura B]

Chefmom, we did the same thing. We were married by a justice of the peace. I think the cost of the license and justice of the peace together totaled 60 dollars. Our rings were under 100 for both (we have since splurged on nicer rings but the others were all we really wanted at the time). Our parents did come because they insisted, but I would have preferred that it was just us. After the "ceremony" my dad gave Greg 20 bucks and said, "I think the father of the bride is supposed to pay for the wedding!" (The justice of the peace fee was 20 bucks.) I would not have done it any other way - to us, spending a lot of money on a wedding is sheer waste. Of course, to those who have always dreamed of a big wedding, the cost is probably worth it.

[crlykat]

I did see that Oprah episode, and I was suprised by some of the experts. When Oprah asked if there was a way to get dresses any cheaper, the lady replied "You get what you pay for" and something about the enormous cost of alterating a less expensive dress. She neglected to mention buying online, having it made, or buying a sample dress. I thought Oprah would take her to task for that, but she didnt.

I bought a sample dress from the bridal store, found a seamstress to make the bridesmaids dresses, and she did the tailoring on my dress too. The bridesmaids dresses were about $100 cheaper than at the store, and she was able to alter my dress for about 60 dollars, instead of the 400 that the dress store quoted me.
Hope there's no one on the board running a bridal shop, and I hope I haven't offended anyone!
Valchemist--
Thank you for the kind words! I'm overwhelmed. It helps to have experts who know what they're doing. I couldn't believe it was me when I looked in the mirror after the hair and makeup people were through. Normally I look like a no-makeup, curly-hair-all-over-the-place kind of girl.

Guess I've run on long enough now...

[gabbyh]

chefmom,
I think I win "the cheapest" award...
flowers:$12 Australian
marriage license: $50 Australian...that's about it...which translates to about $32 US
However...if you want to include immigration lawyer, immigration fees, tickets to Australia, cases of wine we shipped home...then that's another story! My son Greg recently got engaged and we're gearing up for a May 11, 2002 wedding...I'm sure glad I'm the "mother-of-the-groom"...
Here's a link to my "Aussie Wedding" if anyone wants a look: http://home.ptd.net/~gabh/AusWed%204.jpg

[Mandy]

I was married almost 3 years ago. We had a very intimate wedding with only 90 guests. We got married in a garden/park in Cincinnati (Mt. Echo for any locals). We had the wedding and recption right there. My mom is a pro. tailor, so she made my dress. One of my husband's best friends is a pro. photographer, so he did our pictures for free. We had a dinner buffet, wine, champagne, and cake. We had the florist do all of our flowers, except for the center pieces. My sister did those, which saved a lot of $. And one of my friends used to play to flute professionally, so she played for us. It was nice having everying outside because we didn't have to decorate all that much, it was already so beautiful. Our total wedding cost was $5000. And I wouldn't change a thing. http://www.cookinglight.com/bbs/smile.gif
My brother is getting married next month and they have a budget of $8000. The mid-west is just so much cheaper then either of the coasts.
I just can't imagine spending $20,000 on ONE DAY! That's the down payment on a house for us! And I couldn't imagine asking my parents to spend that much.
Interesting question!

[This message has been edited by Mandy (edited 06-01-2001).]

[laurenc]

I definitely agree with SQ - I think it is a regional thing. I live in NJ and work in NY and all of the weddings that I have been too recently are competely over the top. I have one coming up in a few months and the bridal shower is at a vineyard and the reception is in Central Park! Don't get me wrong, these events are wonderful to attend as a guest - but I can't imagine going to quite those lengths for my own special day. I would like to think that I could get married without going into debt!

[Julia1Pin]

I got married on April 28th - so I think I can truly say what todays "market" is like. And I'm sure pmmahan would concur.

Here goes:
*My MIL is a tailor so she made my dress (including the veil which she also made, the total cost was ~$300) and altered my BM dresses (they cost me $50/dress for 4 bridesmaids)
*Her business is within a dry cleaners/tux shop, so the tuxes were free
*Her customers are from all over the place, so: the Limo (gave the gave a $100 tip), Hotel for our wedding night (paid the tax ~$30), the cake and pastries (we had to pay $300)

The recption dinner was about $1,000 for just family and the wedding party.

The wedding and reception were in a synagogue. There were ~170 people. We had a sushi table and sturgeon with black cavier, among the other appetizers before the ceremony even started (along with free flowing champagne). The reception was a sit down dinner, with tables of appetizers first, then warm food, and then your pick of 4 entrees. We had a band and an MC for the whole night. The fruit and pastry table was about 10ft long. The part favors that we gave out were CD's that we burned ourselves (they also doubled as the table setting place cards). The flowers were absolutely amazing, and we got lots of complements on them (people were even taking pictures of the centerpieces). There were bottles of white and red wine, vodka, tequilla, cognac and champagne on every table (with waiters instructed to take emptry bottle off tables, and put new ones on). We had a videographer and a photographer the whole time.

The whole wedding, not including rings, but including the rehersal dinner, cost $25,000, which my parents paid half for. This is considered cheap. If we had done this in San Francisco, as opposed to LA, we would have spent at least double.

I was able to upload some pictures from my sisters digital camara onto a web site, so you can see some of it. By the way, I love my dress. It was perfect down to the last detail. It was exactly what I wanted, and so was my veil. My MIL did a great job on it http://www.cookinglight.com/bbs/smile.gif
http://content.communities.msn.com/JuliaandVitalysWedding/PhotoAlbum
[This message has been edited by Julia1Pin (edited 06-01-2001).]

[This message has been edited by Julia1Pin (edited 06-01-2001).]

[lorilei]

I think oftentimes, we lose the point of the reception when we're planning. Too many people plan their weddings to put on a big show. They forget that the reception is, after all, a big THANK YOU to the guests for coming to celebrate with the bride and groom.

I don't believe it takes a lot of money to accomplish this task. A simple reception with personal touches that make the guests feel special can be just as wonderful as a gala feast on which someone spent a fortune.

BUT, I do think that it's a very individual decision for the bride to make -- and each bride will have different priorities. Whether the affair is simple or extravagant, it's a ton of work. And I think it's wonderful when a bride truly throws herself into the wedding to show her appreciation to her guests.

[Beth]

Ten years ago, minus 2 wks, we got married at the same church my parents and my sister had been married in. They both had the reception there, and I wanted to except for the fact that the church would not allow even a single champagne toast there. I told my mom that was something I really wanted, so we went looking.

We found a hotel (Ritz Carlton) with a charming poolside room. They set up tables inside andt outside, with candles glowing by the pool. We had a harp playing and did a semi-buffet. We had a roast turkey and a large beef roast carved with rolls to make mini sandwiches for those who wanted, boiled shrimp, passed trays with crab and other wonderful appetizers, a tiered wedding cake with fresh flowers and a groom's cake made by a lady who has a reputation for the best cakes in town. We served a California bubbly (DH is from CA) and Texas wines to honor my family. We bought them through Spec's and didn't have to pay hotel markup, just a modest corking fee. The food and atmosphere were wonderful.

I had a seamstress make all the attendents dresses and my mom's and I ordered my dress from a salon during a trunk show so I was fitted by the head of the company herself. The only alteration was moving half of a snap at the neckline (no charge). We had gorgeous flowers done by one of the top florists in town, and as a suprise, my dad threw in a Rolls limo to take us to the reception. The hotel included a mini-suite, which wound up being upgraded when we checked in, and there was a tray of all of our reception food and cake waiting for us with another bottle of bubbly when we got there.

I couldn't have wanted anything more, with the possible exception of more time with guests and my college roommate able to be there (she miscarried the week before). If my memory serves me correctly, we did all of that for about half of what they are saying an "average" wedding costs. My dad, who had been to much larger and MUCH more expensive weddings said he'd never been to one that was nicer than ours (possible bias, but he'd been complaining about all the planning).

I realize not everyone could do that much, or would want it, but my point is that you can create your own magic on any budget. And I tend to think Oprah's figures may be even less than a true average -- maybe not counting the small and simple weddings at all. Afterall, the wedding pros don't have anything to do with them. And regional customs definitely make a difference.

[greysangel]

Hubby and I were married a year ago this past March 25 http://www.cookinglight.com/bbs/biggrin.gif and we called in many favors and managed to do the whole thing for about $3,000...the most expensive was my dress.

We were married on a private beach in Southern Jersey and did the whole ren thing. We had apprx 40 guests and everyone says it's the most fun they've ever had at a wedding!

beach - free http://www.cookinglight.com/bbs/biggrin.gif
Minister - $100
Dress - $500
Husband's shirt and Sporran $100
Flowers (inc headpiece) - $150 they were beautiful white mini roses with berries and greenery.
Rings - $350 We splurged and got custom celtic bands...it's woven oak leaves which are a celtic symbol of strength spiritual growth (tree of life)

Photographer - I have a friend who works as a photgrapher for a modeling agency. He did the pictures which came out beautifully. We also had quick click disposable cameras dispersed for random reception shots.
cameras: $60.00

Bagpiper - another friend!

Reception was held at my friends house who owns a large 5 bedroom house across the street from the beach...it was perfect http://www.cookinglight.com/bbs/smile.gif

We served buffet style and a friend of mine did the catering along with me! I did the prep advance stuff and she did the day of including serving which was terrific of her. We had Portuguese sausage with peppers and onions served with portuguese rolls, two different salads, an antipasto tray, and a cous cous salad for appetizers. For the main course we decided the cheapest and easiest was a lasagne bar. We had a seafood lasagne in an asiago white sauce (my favorite!), a wild mushroom and spinach lasagne, a traditional meat lasagne and a four cheese lasagne ...YUM! No one went hungry. My friend also did the wedding cake which was a heart shaped four tier double chocolate cake with cream cheese frosting served with wild berry coulis. It was decorated with edible flowers and berries...beautiful and SCRUMPTOUS!!!

Food Bill was about $350 and wine was $150

I did all the invitations and programs myself which came out to about $40 and were beautiful IMO.

For favors, I wrapped votives with tulle and ribbons ..total cost of favors was $30

It was an incredible day!!

I have some pics at:
http://www.greysangel.com/k1weddin.html

JeAnne

[Beth]

Sorry, I didn't realize I had gone so long.

[KathrynY]

Although I count myself among the penny-pinchers in the group, I've also been to some lavish weddings. It's important to remember that the wedding and reception themselves mean different things to different people, financially, culturally and for all sorts of other reasons. Sometimes people who are able to have costly receptions are portrayed as "extravagant" whereas people who have budget receptions are portrayed as "practical", when I'm sure that's not always the case. It's nice to see that there are so many great ideas out there for lovely weddings and receptions on a budget, since we'd all rather get more for our money rather than less!

I love hearing about all of your weddings, and thanks to valchemist, gabbyh, Julia1Pin and JeAnne (and others who posted on different threads) for sharing your beautiful photos!

[This message has been edited by KathrynY (edited 06-01-2001).]

[hlao23]

Originally posted by KathrynY:
It's important to remember that the wedding and reception themselves mean different things to different people, financially, culturally and for all sorts of other reasons. Sometimes people who are able to have costly receptions are portrayed as "extravagant" whereas people who have budget receptions are portrayed as "practical", when I'm sure that's not always the case.

Good point. I didn't feel that I was being practical by having a "nuts and mints" reception - I had just never been to any other kind so it didn't occur to me to do any differently. Plus, we didn't have to exclude anyone from the wedding or reception for fear of the expense.

I do find it interesting that most of you did serve "real" food at the reception. We discussed my reception question at work today (oh yeah - very busy day http://www.cookinglight.com/bbs/smile.gif) and decided that the type of reception I (and many of my co-workers) had may be basically a cultural thing.

[SueK]

Originally posted by luv2cook:
The weddings we've been to have been a mix. we went to one that cost about $75,000 several years ago. Gigantic buffet at a country club, open bar, probably 200+ people. They were separated and divorced six months later.

luv2cook---When I posted earlier today, the same thought ran through my mind. Some of the most lavish weddings I have attended have ended with the couple divorcing 2 years (or less!) after the wedding!

[Gail]

Maybe it's because my sister went all out for her wedding (formal garden wedding, reception, sit-down dinner and dancing in the Embassy Ballroom of LA's Ambassador Hotel-- that's where RFK was shot the following year) that I decided to go in the opposite direction. Had I been able to get away with 25 guests, believe me I would've done so. Given the considerable size of my family, paring down the guest list still ended up with around 100 attending.

We were married in a lovely glass chapel nestled high in the hills and trees above the Pacific. The bridal party consisted of two bridesmaids, four ushers. Since the chapel takes advantage of the beauty of the natural surroundings, no floral adornments were allowed with the exception of corsages and bouquets. Our reception was held in my aunt and uncle's garden on a warm, summer afternoon. We feasted on a catered buffet of meats, cheeses, cold salmon, hot hors d'oeuvres and wine accompanied by some keyboard entertainer my mom insisted upon hiring at the eleventh hour.

What I find interesting however, is that given the rate of inflation in the years between my sister's wedding and my own (approximately 15 years), I understand that my simple little wedding actually ended up costing more than my sister's! I dread to think how much hers would cost today.

...oh and by the way, yes-- the year I was married, my sister's divorce was finalized.

[This message has been edited by Gail (edited 06-01-2001).]

[kwormann]

Well, since you asked.....I had a "large" wedding (300 guests), but it and the reception were at my church. I was brought up in a Quaker church where simplicity is part of life and it didnt occur to me to ask my parents for a large reception since all that mattered was I was marrying my dream man.

My in-laws were very upset and embarassed by the wedding and reception (they are affluent), so that caused problems, and then a few weeks prior, my father passed away, so a large reception wouldnt have been appropriate anyway. To tell you the truth, Id like to "get married" again, just for Scott and myself, so I can enjoy the day! My mom probably spent around 2000 on my wedding and Ive been happily married since!

Kim

[hhcowgirl]

Okay, I am certain to offend with this post, but I just have to respond. First of all, I seem to be in the minority here, but I have NEVER been to a wedding that cost less than $20,000 and can't imagine how you would pull off such an event with a smaller amount. Alcohol alone for the most recent wedding I attended (last weekend in Georgia) had to have cost that much. And many of those have been in Nashville, TN, to respond to whomever expressed the sentiment that it was "regional," there, somehow, to have simpler weddings. And NONE of these weddings, I repeat none, have ended in divorce. Including and especially my sister's, the sizable price of which shall go unnamed because apparently here it would offend. I simply had to comment because I think that is unfair to characterize rather lavish weddings as headed for doom. Not sure why this has been my experience versus all of y'all's, but just had to share my perspective. . .

[emilycat]

No, hhcowgirl, I agree -- I was beginning to feel as though all of my relatives were absurdly excessive in their expenses. I agree, all of my cousins have had quite elaborate weddings, and they're all doing wonderfully -- and they took place in Maryland, South Carolina, Georgia and Seattle. So I'm not sure you can be very discriminatory about regions, either. Just my opinion, though -- I haven't walked down the aisle yet, so I don't have any personal experience to offer http://www.cookinglight.com/bbs/wink.gif

[kwormann]

I wasnt trying to imply that my marriage was wonderful BECAUSE my wedding wasnt pricy, just pointing out I am very happily married despite the fact my wedding was small AND despite the tragedy just prior. From my experience, it is possible to have a wedding without all the money....I had no choice and was just happy to marry Scott!

[Laura B]

hhcowgirl: I think so much depends, as someone else mentioned, on your financial situation and your preferences, etc. I would never DREAM of spending twenty thousand dollars on a wedding, and one can CERTAINLY still have a lovely wedding without spending that much. From some of your past posts I have gathered that you/your family are very well off financially (please don't take that the wrong way, it is just the impression I have from things you have said, including that you have never been to a wedding that cost less than $20G). As someone who does not come from a family that is wealthy or have friends who could all afford a more than $20G wedding, I balk at that amount. I personally think the money is better spent elsewhere. But, to each his own. I am sure these weddings are breathatkingly beautiful and are worth the money to the parties involved.

Oh, and I definitely don't think expensive weddings are doomed to fail. I think the divorce rate is so high today that the chances that any given wedding, simple or lavish, that one attends has a darn good chance of ending up in divorce. Sad but true.

[schuh]

My DH and I got married in the Chicago area (where I was raised) although we were (and are) living in Western NY. As a result, I had to delegate a lot -- the flowers, cake, DJ, etc. It also had lots of compromises as my parents were divorced and bitter and I had to run interference between the two of them. As a result, different people paid for different parts of the wedding, and I don't know the tally.

Anyway, my DH and I decided the most important part of the day was the CEREMONY -- after all, that's when we actually got married. We spent a lot of time picking out music, readings, special touches, etc. It was long (a Catholic Mass), but beautiful and meaningful, in our opinion.

The rest, well, it was a good party for almost 200 guests. A nice banquet facility, sit-down meal, open bar (at the insistence of my parents), DJ, etc. I didn't get terribly fussy about all the details -- I just wanted it to be a good time. No garters/bouquet toss as I don't know any single people who don't hate it.

I've been to bigger and more lavish weddings and smaller ones as well. The ones that have touched me the most have been small and personal. One was for 50 or so people overlooking a golf course at a resort in Arizona. They wrote their own vows, had a dinner and a keg of beer for the alcohol. Another was a small service in a couple's new home, which they had slaved to fix up, followed by a larger casual reception with a lunch and then going out on boats.

If I did it again (not that I'm planning to do so), I'd do it smaller, a little nicer, and a little more personal. I can't imagine having a wedding without some kind of a celebration! I think it would take away from the importance of the event. I, personally, could not spend on a wedding what the average person spends to purchase a house. But I wouldn't negatively judge a person for doing so.

[SandyM]

My DH and I were married 14 years ago this July in a small town in western New York. We were both adults, out on our own, and we paid for almost the entire thing on our own, except for a few things. Our parents couldn't afford a lavish affair, and we didn't want one anyway. My mother insisted on buying my wedding dress, which cost a whopping $300. It was perfect, and exactly what I wanted. It was not used - it was on the close-out rack. Tacky? Nah. It worked for me. My DH's parents insisted on paying for the liquor for the wedding because "the groom's parents are supposed to" (according to them). Our reception was in an American Legion hall, which my father joined so we could get a discounted rental cost (is that not a hoot or what???). A friend from church shot the video. Another friend made a delicious 7-layer banana buttercream cake. We fed 125 people with beef-on-kimmelweck sandwiches (a regional favorite), pasta salad, fruit trays, potato salad, and macaroni salad. We danced to a band, which is probably the only thing we paid full price for. All in all the whole thing probably cost less than $3000.

The emphasis wasn't on lavish, impressive displays or top-shelf booze or a gourmet meal. We wanted friends and family to witness our marriage and celebrate our union, and have a great time doing it.

I'm not offended by anyone that pays (or paid) more for their wedding, and I applaud anyone who paid less.

It's the bottom line that counts. Really. http://www.cookinglight.com/bbs/biggrin.gif

[aggie94]

We got married last summer in McKenzie Bridge, Oregon, in a gazebo along the McKenzie River behind an inn where guests stayed in log cabins. It was a VERY small affair, with about 35 guests total (family and close friends). The reception dinner was the one thing that we didn't skimp on. It was a sit-down, served meal at the inn's restaurant (with all NW cuisine), and guests were also free to order whatever drinks they wanted, as they would in a restaurant. It was basically like a party of 35 having dinner in a restaurant, and we picked up the whole tab. Even with such a small affair, I'd estimate that we (DH & I) still paid close to $10,000 for everything (not including honeymoon). Weddings are SO expensive these days.

[Gail]

hhcowgirl,

Can't say that anyone is actually drawing a correlation between lavish weddings and divorce so much as we are pointing out the pity of having gone through all that time and expense only to have the marriage fizzle out. Whether people run off to Vegas and get married by an Elvis impersonator or spend thousands and thousands of dollars, the reality of today's world seems to be that a majority of marriages just don't last. Sad but true, within my own circle of friends, I am the only one who hasn't been through divorce-- perhaps because I married late, perhaps it was simply the luck of the draw-- nonetheless the statistics are pretty telling.

I don't think ANYONE here should be offended by what are strictly personal opinions. After all, there are no right or wrong ways to celebrate one's marriage-- it is a highly personal experience. If a pull-out-all-the-stops kind of fete is right for you, do what makes you happy. If you and your beloved exchanging vows in the middle of a forest works for you, go for it. We're all different personalities with different slants on life-- part of what makes this board such an interesting place.

[This message has been edited by Gail (edited 06-01-2001).]

[kwormann]

amen gail! I would never try to make anyone feel guilty for being able to afford and have a big wedding and it frustrates me when I feel I have to justify why I couldnt have one....

[JanetB]

Well - as someone who is currently in the planning stages of a wedding - I found this thread very interesting. I live in the NYC Metro area - and sadly - there is a certian amount expected here. I went to school in Central NY - and friends up there are horrified by the $$$ we will spend - and how fancy it will be. They are constantly telling me how I can save $. But, it isn't that easy.

The thing is that in this area a seated dinner and cocktail hour is the standard. A lot of the places we went to wouldn't even do a buffet - and if they did - it was the same price. Why would I pay the same price for less service? And, nevermind the family pressures - why do people think they are being helpful when they are simply butting in!

I don't think what we are planning is overboard. I also hope that no one will make the prediction that our marriage will not last! We are trying to keep it simple - but over the past few months - it has been a long list of compromises. But, we are trying to do just enough that we won't regret not doing anything.

And, we are in the early stages of planning - we aren't getting married until Fall 2002!

[LGBurns]

Absolutely! If we could have afforded it, we probably would have done a lot more--like have a live band or have my dress made by a real seamstress (grrrrr). My brother and his wife got married 2 months after us and they spent a lot more than we did. They could afford to. Their wedding was still personal and beautiful--and I certainly hope that they aren't destined for divorce because it was lavish! http://www.cookinglight.com/bbs/wink.gif But I think it is important to note that one does not have to spend $20,000+ to have a beautiful, personal, enjoyable wedding for both the couple and the guests. Most wedding "specialists" don't want you to believe that because they make their bucks on getting people to think they have to spend a fortune to make it special. I'm here to tell you, you don't. If anyone is reading this post and planning a wedding (even if it's only in their imagination), I highly recommend a book called Bridal Bargains By Denise & Alan? Fields. This book was indispensable to me in planning my wedding.

[KathrynY]

hhcowgirl - I'm so glad to see that you posted today! I've missed seeing you on the board lately.

I wanted to add to my earlier post that I know many people who would get no greater enjoyment out of their financial success than to provide a fabulous wedding and/or reception for their son or daughter, to share in their happiness and to make the day complete. It's a wonderful thing when parents or the couple themselves want to throw a great party for their friends to celebrate their love for one another - be it $50,000 or $50. Everyone has their own definition of what that is.

One of the things I really like about this BB is the diversity of opinions that it attracts, and I hope that no one feels unable to post due to an unfavorable reaction from others. We seem to be a pretty friendly bunch - sometimes it's just hard to convey emotions in typed text!

[jazzcat]

KathrynY, Well Put.

[BlueMoose]

http://www.cookinglight.com/bbs/eek.gif While reading through this thread, I was wondering when words were going to be exchanged. I'm going to stay out of this one. All I'm going to say is that no day in my life can compare to the days my children were born. http://www.cookinglight.com/bbs/smile.gif

[hka]

I have to agree with Valchemist in regards to crlykat's wedding pictures. You do look like a model. Very beautiful and I love how your site looks.

Valchemist, you too, made a beautiful bride! I enjoyed looking at the pictures on your site as well. http://www.cookinglight.com/bbs/smile.gif

[phantomcg]

Originally posted by Jewel:
Flowers were about $300, complete with bouquets for my Mom (my maid of honor) and myself, as well as red rose buttuonierres for the guys.

Jewel:
You are the only other person I have ever "met" who also had their Mom as their Maid/Matron of honor. I remember when I asked my Mom about it, she just looked at me and said "Why?". I told her that your Maid/Matron of Honor is suppossed to be your best friend, and that's what she is.

We were married 10 years ago and I really can't remember the price of our wedding. We were married in the Michigan State University Chapel and had our reception in the VFW hall in my home town. The VFW ladies did the catering. I do remember that they charged less than 1/2 of any place we checked out and the food was great. My best friend is a photographer, so she did our pictures for the cost of film and processing. Another friend worked for a florist and got us the flowers at wholesale. We did pay for the majority of the wedding ourselves. We had both been out on our own (he was 24 and I was 27) so we didn't feel right asking our parents to pay for the wedding. My parents did pay for the wedding cake for us.


Cheryl

[This message has been edited by phantomcg (edited 06-01-2001).]

[Julia1Pin]

"I have to agree with Valchemist in regards to crlykat's wedding pictures. You do look like a model. Very beautiful and I love how your site looks."

I third the motion http://www.cookinglight.com/bbs/smile.gif It took me about 20 minutes to find the thread, but it was worth it. The pictures are fantastic, and you and your husband make a beautiful couple.

I love seeing all the pictures though. No matter how much, or how little, or whether it was traditional or new-wave, all of us hav eone thing in common: The looks on our faces. I think that's how you can tell whether a marriage will be succesful. Is there love in your eyes? I believe that all of us have passed that test already (sorry for my ramblings).

-Julia